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Wanted- the MST; My first attempt at sporking...
Topic Started: Jun 27 2010, 08:37 AM (657 Views)
Jedi Master Luthien
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Future Egyptologist
Title: Wanted
Author: FFN's MidnightWolf-94 (formerly darkangel1994)
Characters: Luthi, Atton Rand, Yvaine, Evie O'Connel, Elrohir, and a Sue named Herenya
Genre: Mary Sue; Stupidity; uh... is Punctuation Rape a genre?
Rating: Original story was M for violence. Not really sure why. I'm calling this a T.
Warnings: Blatent Mary Sue, punctuation abuse, Fake!Elvish


On a fairly normal day, in a fairly normal area of the world, a rather unusual occurance happened to a rather unusual girl. This delusional human, who believed she was half-Elven and went by the name Jedi Master Luthien (Luthi for short) was strolling through the random woods around her best friend's house. She happened to lean against a particular tree, pressing against a prominent knot as she did so. The next thing she knew, a strange-looking man with pasty-white skin popped up out of a randomly-appearing doorway in the trunk of said tree and knocked her out.

Sometime later- there is no way to know exactly how long- Luthi regained consciousness. She opened her eyes to find herself staring up at the pasty-skinned guy, who had apparently been attempting to revive her.

"Wh... Where am I?" she asked, completely bewildered.

"Welcome to the Pit of Despair," he replied cheerfully. "As you may know, Count Tyrone Rugan is currently writing the definitive work on the subject of pain, and you have been selected to be part of his latest experiment."

Luthi stared. "Experiment? Pain? I'd rather not. I don't do well with pain. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be going..."

The Albino caught her arm, preventing her from running off, and gave her what was probably supposed to be a reassuring smile. "Don't worry- it isn't physical pain. The Count is currently researching methods of mental torture. I'll let the others give you the briefing once we get to the theatre."

"Theatre?" The idea of the Pit of Despair having a theatre almost made Luthi laugh. Almost.

"Yes, the theatre. It's this way." The Albino, who still had ahold of her arm, half dragged her down a long corridor and into a good-sized room. "You see? The Count had quite a good time fitting this room up. There's a snack bar over in that corner, alcohol in that corner, and barf bags underneath the seats." Luthi was about to ask him why she'd need barf bags when he left the room. Moments later, the door opened again and a small army of what had to be Evil Minions shoved four people into the theatre, locking the doors behind them.

"Oh, hi. You must be the last member of our team," one of the four, a tall, blond woman, said. "I'm Yvaine. It's lovely to meet you." To Luthi's astonishment, Yvaine began to glow slightly.

"I'm Luthi," Luthi answered, "and I have no earthly idea what's going on."

"Allow me to explain." Yvaine gestured to the three other occupants of the room. "The four of us- five of us now- have been kidnapped from our various universes by this Count Rugan, and are now, for the sake of his curiousity, being forced to participate in a sadistic experiment."

Luthi frowned. "The guy who led me in here-"

"That is the Albino," interrupted the other woman in the group. "I'm Evelyn O'Connell, by the way. But you can call me Evie."

"Right. Thanks, Evie. The Albino mentioned an experiment. He said it involved extreme mental torture?"

Yvaine shuddered. "You can say that again. He's gotten all of us together for the simple purpose of making us spork badfics."

"We've been kidnapped by an evil fictional villain so he can make us do some sporking? I think I'm dreaming." Luthi pinched herself. Then pinched herself again, harder.

"You're not dreaming, believe me," Evie told her. "I myself would be shocked, but after accidentally resurrecting cursed mummies, discovering Hamunaptra, and finding out I am a reincarnated Egyptian princess, nothing much surprises me anymore."

"Waitaminute- did you say you're Evie O'Connell? As in, Mrs. Rick O'Connell? As in, the gal from the Mummy movies?" Evie nodded. Luthi stared, then something else clicked into place. She turned to Yvaine. "And you're Yvaine the Star?"

"Yes, I am," Yvaine answered. The glow around her brightened somewhat, and Luthi turned her attention to the other two members of the party, who were whispering to each other.

"...I could get past the locks," the shorter of the two was saying while running a hand through his already-tousled dark hair. "If I can't pick 'em, I've got my lightsabers."

Luthi stared at the speaker for all of two seconds before switching into Major!Fangirl!Mode. "Oh. My. Gosh! You're Atton Rand!" she squealed, barely resisting the urge to squee. Instead, she ran toward the Former Sith Turned Smuggler Turned Jedi and hugged him. "I'm your biggest fan!"

Atton looked at her with an expression somewhere between amusement and irritation. "Well, please don't choke me to death, sweetheart." Luthi apologized and stepped away from him as the fifth sentient being in the theatre arched an eyebrow.

"Do you refer to every woman you meet as such?"

The smuggler shrugged and brushed the wrinkles out of his jacket. "Yeah, pretty much, Elf-boy."

"I believe I have asked you to refrain from addressing me as such." Atton was suddenly the recipient of a Scary-Elf-Lord Glare(tm). "My name is Elrohir. There is no need for such nicknames."

"He won't let us call him 'Ro, or El, or anything else either," Atton told Luthi, rolling his eyes. "By the way, welcome to the theatre."

"Um, thanks." Before Luthi could say anything else, all conversation was halted and everyone's eardrums traumatized by a loud voice projecting from a loudspeaker somewhere in the room.

"Welcome to the Pit of Despair Sporking Theatre. This is your host, Count Rugan, speaking. Please take your seats in front of the screen, as the first chapter of your first fic is on its way." The Albino reappeared just long enough to hand out papers with "Synopsis" written at the top, and then vanished again.

Evie glanced through the synopsis. "This is a Lord of the Rings story, and apparently it's also a Mary-Sue."

Atton shrugged. "At least it's not from my fandom. Doesn't sound too bad."

"I guess we'll see," Yvaine commented as they all took their seats. The screen lit up, and words began to appear.

Evie: Here we go.
Atton: I have a bad feeling about this.


Wanted

Luthi: Try Un-wanted.

By darkangel1994

Yvaine: Can we call her Angey?
Luthi: Uh, no. That's taken. *beat* You're new to fanfiction, aren't you?
Yvaine: Slightly, yes.


Hi this is my first LotR

Evie: Let's hope it's her last.
Yvaine: One line in and already the punctuation is killing me.
Atton: Don't worry. It'll probably get worse.


If there's any elves that's wrong I apologize and let me know if there is

Atton: Um, what?
Yvaine: [re-reads sentence] I think she means she wants us to tell her if she has any Elves wrong. I could be mistaken, however.


I changed the name 'Nessa' to 'Herenya' coz Nessa was too twilight

Luthi: AGH!! Not Twilight!
Atton: Again I must ask, "What?"
Evie: *reads synopsis* Apparently this is a re-write of an earlier story. The Sue's name was Nessa at first.
Elrohir: She named her Sue after one of the Valier?


I dont own Lord of the rings but I own Herenya

Elrohir: And you are quite welcome to her.
Yvaine: The least you could do is use some punctuation! [begins headwalling]
Luthi: Um, isn't it a little early for that?
Atton: It's never too early to headwall.


Prologue

It was midnight and a woman was walking through a garden of white trees.

Luthi: *sings* I come to the garden alone...
Atton: Sounds like the beginning of a ghost story.


The tree's pure colour gave off a bright white light.

Luthi: Wait, I thought there was an entire garden of trees.
Atton: Well, only one of them is speshul enough to be mentioned.


It was so bright that you didn't need lanterns to see at night.

Yvaine: A luminescent tree?
Evie: Scientific name Arboreus lightbulbus, probably.


The grass was a deep green colour though parts of it glistened due to the illuminate light from the trees.

Atton: This is so interesting. [yawns]
Evie: *picks up phone* Hello? Department of Redundancies Department? We require your help, assistance and aid, please.
Luthi: This author's been taking purple prose lessons from SMeyer.


At the far corner was a pond. The water was of a midnight-blue colour.

Luthi: That's because it's polluted with nuclear waste. Why do you think the trees are glowing?

It was said that when an ancient was to tell a story, the story would appear in the water.

Atton: Do I look like I care?
Luthi: Let me check. No.


The Elleth wore white robes which seemed to also give off its own light and was in bare feet.

Yvaine: A barefoot robe?
Evie: A glowing barefoot robe.
Atton: Let me get this straight. She's walking around in a radioactive robe that grew feet?
Luthi: Something like that.
Elrohir: It should say "their", not "it". The subject is plural, therefore, the possessive pronoun must also be plural.


She had wavy golden hair that travelled down to here waist. It was tied back by two parts of her hair.

Yvaine: Sorry, can't picture it.
Atton: I don't care what her hair looked like.
Luthi: Here waist?
Elrohir: The Suethor is telling Waist where the hair travelled to.
Evie: Was it going on vacation?


There was also a little elfling following slowly behind her. She too was bear feet and wore a robe that seemed to give off its own light but it had a blue like light.

Luthi: Great, more radioactive clothes. Is this a story showing the dangers of nuclear fallout?
Elrohir: Apparently this Elfling is half bear.
Evie: That was a mental image I did not need.
Luthi: *shrugs* Maybe Beorn is her father.


Her hair was straight and was black as ebony which came down to her chest.

Yvaine: As opposed to ebony that only came to her shoulders?
Evie: That type of ebony isn't black enough.
Luthi: And ebony that came to her waist would be too black.


Her dark blue eyes were looking all over the forest

Atton: Where was the rest of her?
Elrohir: Hiding from her eyes.


as if she had never been there before. In truth the young elleth had been to the garden on numerous occasions and each time she entered, it was as if, it was her first time.

Elrohir: *a la Finding Nemo* You see, she suffers from short term memory loss.
Luthi: It's true- she forgets things almost instantly.
Yvaine: Oh, look! A stray comma!
Luthi: Let's send it to Ara's collection.


As the older elf came to a stop so did she, yet five feet away. The older elf sat down next to the dark blue pond and looked at the elfling.

Evie: The intensity of the action is more than I can bear. *yawns again*

"Tula sinome ar' amin kwentra ile i'narn,

All: Bwah?
Atton: Is that Elvish?
Elrohir: I know Elvish. That is not Elvish.


Come here and I will tell you a story,"

Evie: Why does she bother using the fake Elvish when she gives the translation immediately afterwards?
Atton: To make herself sound smarter.
Elrohir: It is not working.


Said she, whilst patting on a place next her. The youngest elf obeyed the older elf's wishes and sat down next to her.

Luthi: *sings* Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man...
Yvaine: She should have said "younger". There are only two characters present.
Atton: But "youngest" is a longer word! It's one whole letter longer!


"En. Look." She said pointing toward the pond of midnight-blue

Atton: Do you think the Society for the Protection of Punctuation and Parts of Speech would lend us a period?
Elrohir: We should ask. On second thought, why would we subject an innocent period to this story?
Luthi: I think she's trying to sound poetic, but all she's doing is reminding me of Angey.
Elrohir: NOOO!!! Not Angey! *headchairs*


"The world has changed," she stated "I feel it in the water; I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was, is lost for none now live that remember it"

Evie: Oh. How original. Use the movie prologue as your story's.
Atton: There's another stray comma! Do we get points for spotting them now?
Yvaine: It actually needs to be moved over two words.


The child was startled as she saw images in the water: Images of rings being made.

Atton: Does this pond have a DVD player installed in it?
Luthi: Talk about Liquid Crystal Display.


"It began with forging of the great rings. Three were given to the elves: Immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings.

Yvaine: Why the random colon?
Elrohir: Of all the words in the sentence to capitalize, why "immortal"?
Atton: Because it's the most speshul.


Seven to the Dwarf lords: Great minor and craftsmen of the mountain halls.

Luthi: Gimli's a minor?
Evie: He looked older than eighteen to me.


And nine, nine were gifted to the race of men who above all else, desire power.

Yvaine: It's official- this author has no idea how to use punctuation.
Evie: I thought that was apparent in the beginning author's notes.


For with in these rings was bound the strength and the will to govern each race. But they were all, deceived; for another ring was made."

Yvaine: Stray-
Elrohir: If you say that every time, you'll be hoarse by the end of this chapter.
Atton: But if we don't say it, we don't get the points!


The image changed again and showed a dark figure in armour on a ledge that what looked like to be inside a volcano.

Evie: We've also got a stray "like" and "what".
Atton: A stray what?
Evie: Exactly.
Atton: What?
Evie: A stray.. oh, never mind.


As the young elf looked closer she could see that the figure was marvelling at a ring that was on his hand.

Luthi: So we're going to, quite literally, get the movie in badfic-author form?
Atton: I'm bored. Wanna play pazaak?
Luthi: No. You cheat.


"In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord, Sauron, forged in secret, a master ring. Into it he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life." The child wanted to have a closer look at this 'Master Ring' and as if reading her mind, the image zoomed in on the ring and she noticed that there were inscriptions on it.

Luthi: If this keeps up much longer, I'm going to fall asleep.
Rugan: *over loudspeaker* No falling asleep, or I'll make you all spork "Celebrian".
Elrohir: Don't you dare fall asleep.


She read out loud, "One ring to rule them all" though she knew that was only part of what the evil ring said.

Luthi: She knows Black Speech?
Elrohir: That means she is evil. This Elfling must be the Sue.


The image changed again and showed people screaming and running from demonic creatures that saw in the background.

Evie: An army of Construction!Worker!Sues?

The older Elleth spoke again explaining to the elfling what was happening "One by one, the free lands of Middle-Earth fell to the ring." Again the images changed to what seemed like a battle. She saw both men and elves.

Atton: Which "she" are we talking about? The older Elf? The younger Elf?
Elrohir: Shelob.


The men from what she could make out from the armour were from Gondor.

Luthi: She misspelled "armor".
Evie: *reads synopsis* No, the author is British.
Luthi: Oh. Well, at least no one will be blaming us Americans for this story.


"A last Alliance of Men and Elves marched against the armies of Mordor. And on the slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of the Middle-Earth."

Atton: The one and only, Middle-earth!

The young elf saw Orcs snarling at the Elves and Men. Who she didn't expect to see was Lord Elrond of Riverdalein front of a squad of archers shouting commands.

Elrohir: Lord Elrond of... what?
Luthi: "Riverdalein"? Oh... "Riverdale in".
Elrohir: At least this Sue will not end up in Rivendell.


"Victory was near," The elder of the two continued "But the power of the ring, could not be undone."

Luthi: I've changed my mind. Where's your deck, Rand?
Atton: *pulls out pazaak cards* I'll deal.


The elfling saw once again the dark figure and on his finger was The Ring and in the other he contained a Mace. The Dark Lord easily towered the men by at least three feet.

Luthi: I wonder what the Mace did to deserve containment?
Atton: Was it Mace Windu?
Evie: How does one "tower" a man?
Atton: *opens mouth*
Yvaine: No dodgy connotations.
Atton: *sulks*


The battlehad stopped and those nearest the evil being were cowering away from him as much as possible. Sauronraised the arm with the mace slowly and then let swing heavily at the peoplein front of him.

Luthi: Someone has a grudge against the spacebar key.

Knocking away three people at a time, and he repeated this until, a man, from whom the young elleth presumed was important, charged forward at the towering being in front of him, only to be thrown out of the way by the evil figure and hitting the cliff side.

All: TENSE CHANGE!
Yvaine: Stray commas!
Evie: Run on sentence!
Elrohir: Nonsensical wording!
Atton: *throws down card* Twenty. I win!


Another man who resembled the man whom was thrown ran toward the fallen soldier and started to grieve. It was then that the younger elf realised that the younger person was the dead soldier's son.

Evie: How in the world could she tell he was his son? He could have been a much younger brother or something!
Atton: This is a Sue. She's speshul.
Luthi: You like that word, don't you?


From behind the grieving son came the towering figure of Sauron. "It was the when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the King, took up him father's sword." continued the elder elf.

Atton: Me cave man. Him took up him father's sword and cut him head off.
Yvaine: A comma would work better than a period. Oh, wait, I forgot. darkangel1994 is a punctuation abuser.
Luthi: I'm going to tell Ara on her.


Isildur went for the sword but Sauron stood on it making it snap.

Luthi: Must've been an awfully weak sword. What was it made of- glass?
Atton: I think Sauron needs to lose some weight.


Just as the demon was about to grab him, Isildur sliced Sauron's hand. The hand that was sliced was the hand with The Ring.

Evie: Apparently Sauron had just been to the video store.
Luthi: He's into horror movies? No surprise there.


As the hand fell to the ground, Sauron stumbled backward. Then he seemed to incinerate from underneath his armour. Suddenly he exploded and from the explosion of his body, a strong wind was then spreading across Mordor killing all of the Orcs.

All: TENSE CHANGE!
Atton: Sauron spontaneously combusted?
Luthi: It's trying so hard to make sense, and still it fails.


All that was left of Sauron was his Helmet and his Hand with the ring still on its finger.

Evie: Meet the Helmet of Power and the Hand of Power.
Elrohir: And a plain, ordinary ring.


"Sauron, the enemy of the free people of Middle-Earth was defeated." The pond then showed Isildur taking The Ring from Sauron's hand. "The Ring passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever. But the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And The Ring of power has a will of its own"

Luthi: Ah, twenty-two. You lose.
Atton: You cheated.


The scene changed to Isildur riding on his horse with a few of his men riding on their own horses behind him. Isildur was wearing a chain and on this chain was The Ring.

Luthi: On the horse was Isildur, on Isildur was the chain, on the chain was the Ring, on the Ring was the writing...
Atton: *sings* And the green grass grew all around, all around, and the green grass grew all around.


Probably showing off that he and he alone killed The 'Ksher Evil one. Self absorbed Human. Thought the young she-elf.

Evie: More fake Elvish?
Luthi: Maybe it's elfish.
Elrohir: Since when do we Elves refer to mortals as "human"?
Yvaine: Shouldn't there be quotation marks somewhere in that sentence?


Suddenly a dark figure jumped at Isildur, knocking him off of his horse. Then more figures –which the elfling could only guess were Orcs- came and a fight started.

Evie: We get detailed descriptions of the midnight-blue pool and the luminescent trees, but the best she can do for action is "Orcs came and a fight started"?
Atton: Fighting isn't pretty. What did you expect from a Suethor?


Isildur looked around with a worried face. He yanked at the chain, which circled his neck and slipped the ring onto his finger and ran through the bushes and into the river.

Luthi: *confused* The chain slipped the Ring onto his finger, and ran through the bushes into the river?
Evie: A magic chain?


Nadorhuan Cowardly Dog; Thought the child.

Luthi: Oh, please. Like you would have done any different.
Atton: Arrogant brat.


"It betrayed Isildur to his death" Continued the fair elf; as the picture showed the ring falling off of Isildur's finger and getting shot by the Orcs

Yvaine: Was there a prize if someone managed to get an arrow through the Ring?
Evie: I can't think of any other reason they'd shoot at it. Personally, I would have shot at Isildur.


and that the ring was falling to the bottom of the river. "And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.

Atton: Wait- if these Elves know the Ring fell into the river, why didn't they just go get it?
Luthi: Because this is a Sue story, and that would actually be logical. Besides, then the Sue wouldn't get to show off her speshulness.
Elrohir: Is that a word?
Luthi: It is now.


History became legend, legend became myth and for two-and-a-half thousand years, The Ring was passed out of all knowledge"

Elrohir: *yawns*

The scene changed again to a hand stretching out into the river to retrieve the Ring that was cover in sand. "Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer," Then it showed the Ring in that persons hand.

Luthi: Your turn, Rand.
Atton: Plus three. That makes nineteen, and I stand. Your turn.


"My Precious" snarled the creature.

"The Ring came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnel of the Misty Mountains. And there, it consumed him."

Yvaine: *as Ring* Hmm, not bad. Could have used a little salt.

The Pond then showed the creature Gollum on a mound in a cave, marvelling at the ring. "It came to me, my own, my precious…"

"The Ring gave Gollumunnatural long life and for five hundred years it poisoned his mind.

Evie: So Gollum's just his nickname?
Elrohir: Of course. Sméagol was his real name, but he was also known as Gollum, Slinker, Stinker...
Luthi: And Gollumunnatural, apparently. He's got more names than Túrin Turambar.


And in the gloom of Gollum's cave it waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumour grew of a shadow in the east, whispers of a nameless fear. And in the ring of Power perceived: it's time had come."

Yvaine: Stray apostrophe.
Elrohir: At least she's giving us a bit of variety.
Evie: Does she not understand that Ring should be capitalized?


The ring

Evie: No, she doesn't.

was suddenly rolling down rocks and landing next to fish skeletons. "It abandoned Gollum. But something happened that the ring did not intend" A wrinkled hand was searching the ground for something until it touched The Ring.

Atton: Looks like Sauron forgot to return it to the video store.
Luthi: Do you realize how much three thousand years of late fees are going to be?


"What's this? A Ring?" whispered a voice.

Luthi: No, a grenade pin. You've got fifteen seconds before you're blown to pieces.

"It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable, Bilbo Baggins of the Shire" Gollum was screeching in the background about losing his 'Precious' "For the time will soon come" continued the fairer of the two "When hobbits will shape the fortunes of all."

Elrohir: I should hope that any Elf in Gollum's company would be the fairer of the two.
Yvaine: "Hobbits" should be capitalized.


The pool of water turned back to its original midnight-blue colour.

Atton: Gripping, the action is.
Luthi: Talking like Yoda, are we?
Evie: Start that, you two should not.
Luthi: No fun, you are. *pouts*


The young elleth had a look of confusion on her face.

"But…Arwenamin My Lady why would a hobbit be within the Misty Mountains?"

Evie: Sounds like the Misty Mountains had a Hobbit for breakfast.
Elrohir: Again with the fake Elvish.


"Hinya My Child, I believe he was on a mission with Mithrandir"

Atton: A mission, quest, thing?
Luthi: Your mission, should you choose to accept it...


"Oh" was all that the child could say "Why did you show me this?"

Yvaine: If "Oh" was all she could say...
Elrohir: It's a Sue. Logic is not its strong point.


"Because Peasaer Dear One, I believe that you will be involved in destroying this evil that will soon come."

Luthi: IRS agents?
Evie: Imhotep?
Atton: Darth Traya?
Yvaine: Prince Septimus?
Elrohir: Twincest fangirls?
All: :O_O:
Luthi: Pass the barf bags. :X I'm going to be sick. *throws up*


"How can I help with such a deed?

Atton: By dying slowly and painfully.

You know how Ada (father)is, 'War is for men only' he will never let me pass the forest of Lorien, let alone travel to Mordor."

Luthi: *sings* Past the point of no return...
Yvaine: It seems she has an intelligent father.
Elrohir: I am quite certain no Elf in existence would ever allow their daughter to travel to Mordor.
Atton: But I thought she was Beorn's daughter?


The young elf longed for adventure. She wasn't the young, quiet, obedient Lady

Luthi: She was an loud-mouthed, disobedient, rebellious slut.

that he her Father wanted her to be, instead she was a head strong, open minded person with the call for adventure:

Evie: *shrugs* Sterotypical Sue, then?

her mother though, always let her be herself.

Atton: *rolls eyes*

"Have faith Eller Little One, he will let you train, but as for going to war…You could always sneak out."

Evie: She's sneaking out to start a war?
Luthi: This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "An Army of One".
Atton: Her mother is probably hoping the orcs get her.
Luthi: *twitches*
Atton: :huh:
Luthi: "Violation of the Evenstar"... *twitches again*
Evie: Don't ask.


The child's face lit up at the comment and jumped to her feet.

Yvaine: So now she's part star?
Luthi: And the face has grown feet, too.
Atton: The radioactivity is spreading.


"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you" exclaimed the younger of the two "hannon le Thank you, Lady Galadriel"

Atton: More fake Elvish?
Elrohir: "Hannon le" is actually correct, though why she bothered to put the phrase three times in English beforehand is beyond me.


"Seasamin. Kaima sii hin. Amin Herenya My pleasure. Sleep now child. My Herenya" said Lady Galadriel standing up

Elrohir: *freezes* What did she just say?
Luthi: Meet your new aunt, 'Ro.
Elrohir: *headchairs*
Atton: Waitaminute. Does this mean Galadriel and Beorn have a kid?
Elrohir: *headchairs harder*


"Quel du, Naneth. Good night, Mother." Herenya turned on her heal

Atton: Her what?

and slowly made her way to her room leaving her mother to herself in the garden.

Luthi: *as Galadriel* Finally, the little brat is gone!
Evie: *as Galadriel* I hope she doesn't notice the bucket of urple paint over her door.
Elrohir: *as Galadriel* Or the PPC agents hiding behind her bed.


So tell me what you think R&R

Luthi: I would, but I don't use foul language.
Atton: I do....
Luthi: Then be my guest. *beat* And I think that's the end of the chapter.


The door to the theatre opened, and the Albino poked his head in. "Well, did you enjoy your first spork session?" he asked.

Atton shrugged. "Meh, could've been worse. I didn't even have to break into the juma."

"It will be. Much, much worse," the Albino cackled. "Just wait until you see the story the Count has lined up for you next time. It's a..." The team didn't wait for him to finish the sentence before bolting.

They were halfway down the hall before Luthi stopped. "Wait, guys, where are we going?"

"Back to our rooms, of course," Evie answered. "You'll be staying with Yvaine and me."

"And maybe Elf-boy and I can finally perfect that escape plan," Atton muttered under his breath.


(Reviews go here, please! And believe me, feedback will be much appreciated, since I don't really know what I'm doing. :P)
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Jedi Master Luthien
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Future Egyptologist
Things were quiet in the Pit of Despair, as they had been for the past week. Atton had managed to remotely hack into Count Rugan's database system and, to the rest of the team's delight, had deleted all the badfic chapters lined up for them. While they knew it was only a matter of time before the count replaced the files, they were determined to enjoy their time off. Elrohir was currently occupied in mapping out a detailed escape plan, Luthi was assisting him on her smuggled-in laptop, and Atton was attempting to teach Evie and Yvaine the rules of Pazaak.

"And drawing a plus two makes your total nineteen," Atton explained. "So do you stand, or play?"

Evie chewed her lip and glanced at her cards. "I should play my plus one, right?" Atton opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by a loud crash from the hallway.

"Albino alarm," Evie explained. "Elrohir and Luthi put it up last night. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but it involved a metal pie pan and thirty-five feet of wire." As she was speaking, Elrohir rolled up his escape plan and shoved it under Yvaine's bed, while Luthi quickly shut down the laptop, hid it in Evie's pillowcase, then sat on the pillow. Scarcely had they finished hiding said items when the door opened and the Albino stepped in.

"The Count has finally replaced all the files that so mysteriously disappeared from his database, and says to tell you that if you are not in the theatre in thirty seconds, you will be sporking the latest Phantom's Ange creation whilst listening to Justin Beiber music," he announced.

While four of the five sporkers had no idea who- or what- Justin Beiber was, the look on Luthi's face told them ignorance was bliss. They nearly trampled each other in the resulting mad dash to the theatre. Atton, being capable of using Force speed, reached his seat first and smirked at the others as they entered. Evie rolled her eyes. "Just for that, I'm making you sit next to Yvaine."

"But she hits! Hard!" Atton protested with a frown as the Albino locked the theatre doors. "And I had to sit next to her last time!" Evie shrugged and sat down as the loudspeaker crackled to life.

"Greetings, my test subjects. I thought I would continue with the story that you sporked last time. So, if you would please take your seats.."

"We're all already in our seats," Yvaine pointed out.

"Then, without further delay, we will begin!" The loudspeaker shut off, and Atton muttered something about "having a bad feeling about this" as the screen lit up.

Wanted

Luthi: Dead or alive: One darkangel1994, and her Sue, Herenya.

by darkangel1994

If there's any elves that's wrong I apologize and let me know if there is

Yvaine: The Punctuation Rapist strikes again.
Elrohir: Why the bolding?

I changed the name 'Nessa' to 'Herenya' coz Nessa was too twilight

Luthi: I think she means "Twilight" with a capital T, but since when is that an adjective?
Evie: As if we need more Twilight in the modern world.

I dont own Lord of the rings

Atton: Thank the Force for small favors.

I only own Herenya

Evie: Please, keep her. It.
Elrohir: I believe that is the exact same disclaimer darkangel1994 used last time.
Atton: That name's too long. Let's call her DA.


Chapter 1

Atton: I thought we did Chapter One last time.
Yvaine: That was the prologue.
Atton: Oh, right.


An arrow was shot right in the middle of a bulls-eye.

Luthi: That poor arrow!
Evie: It will be sorely missed. I wonder if they ever found the murderer.


The arrow was white with blue feathers at the end.

Elrohir: No, the feathers were in the middle. *rolls eyes*

About three hundred metres away stood an Elvin woman.

Yvaine: What's an Elvin?
Luthi: Sounds like an Elvis fan to me.


She stood at the height of six foot with straight waist length ebony hair with parts of it in a braid on the rest down.

Atton: I can picture it so vividly! Not.

She wore grey pants with a white velvet tunic and black thigh high boots.

Elrohir: Women in Middle-earth do not wear pants!
Evie: It's not a woman. It's a Sue.


On her waist she wore duel swords

Luthi: Which it frequently needed, as it was always offending people who would then challenge it to single combat.

and knives. She also wore silver arm-guards.

Atton: Those are going to do a lot of good. :sarcasm:

Next to her was her white quiver filled with arrows with blue feathers and in her left hand was her bow. Her bow was white with blue vines and leaf patterns.

Yvaine: Is anyone else bored yet?
All: *raise hands*


"Lle naa curucuar Herenya.

Elrohir: More imitation Elvish? :headwall:
Atton: Careful, Elf-boy. You could knock yourself out doing that.
Elrohir: That was the idea.


You're skilful bowmen, Herenya[/]" said a voice behind her.

Evie: A Multiple!Personality!Disorder!Sue?
Luthi: *as Herenya* You're just jealous because the voices aren't talking to you.
Yvaine: Missing comma!


Herenya turned round to see Haldir.

"Falan tar Haldir.

Evie: Did she just tell Haldir to fall in a tar pit?
Atton: I think she did. If you see feathers, Haldir, run.
Elrohir: He should have run the moment he saw the Sue.
Atton: Point.


Thank you Haldir" replied Herenya "Why don't you have a go?"

Luthi: *as Herenya* You'll love it! Tar is just so sticky and oozy and wonderful!
Yvaine: Missing period.


"I'd be delighted,

Yvaine: Just so you know, Haldir, tar requires a good deal of scrubbing to remove from one's skin.
Atton: I'm sure Herenya would be delighted to help with that. As long as there was candlelight and rose petals and... OW! *rubs his arm*
Yvaine: *glares*


Arwenamin"

Yvaine: Missing period.

"Haldir, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that? I don't like formalities."

Evie: Sterotypical Sue Characteristic number 82,238 that Herenya possesses.

"Sorry, I forget" he said innocently.

"Well make sure that next time you don't forget, because I might get really angry next time"

Atton: *as Haldir* I'm so frightened. What are you going to do, scratch me?
Luthi: *as Herenya* Lyk, OMG, no! I might, lyk, break a nail!1!11!!!


"Yeah, I don't want that to happen again. I think that there is still a mark on the tree where you banged my head against it."

All: :blink:
Elrohir: I do not even know what to say to that.
Atton: I do. KILL IT!


"Hey, we were children and to be perfectly honest you weren't as innocent as you make yourself out to be; you were the one who kept at it when I gave you several warnings.

Luthi: *rolls eyes* Because Haldir is definitely going to take orders from a Sue...
Yvaine: Even though it is technically gramatically correct, why the semicolon?
Atton: I thought we established that she pulls her punctuation marks at random out of a hat.


And about the tree I helped it to heal so if you looked for it you'll only see a small dot."

Evie: She healed a tree by turning it into a polka-dot?
Atton: *as Herenya* These new medical shrink rays work just great.


"Fine you win on that one." He said. "It's funny to think that, that's how we became friends."

Atton: It makes friends by bashing people's heads against trees? What does it do to make enemies? Shove people off cliffs?
Elrohir: No, it bakes people cookies. The resulting gastrointestinal problems cause all who eat its cookies to curse its very name.
Evie: We do that already.
Luthi: Ooh, there's another stray comma for Ara's collection!


"True." Herenya finalised

Yvaine: Missing period.
Luthi: Finalized? I don't think that's the word you were looking for, DA.


Herenya and Haldir didn't particularly like each other as children.

Elrohir: I knew Haldir was remarkably intelligent.

They only hated each other for a certain amount of time.

Atton: *pretends to check watch* And our six hours to hate each other start in three... two... one.

After they got passed the 'you've got cutties' stage they were best of friends and barley inseparable.

Evie: Why not wheat, or millet, or rice...?
Yvaine: Or corn.
Evie: This story is full enough of corn already.


Though Haldir secretly liked Herenya, he knew she didn't feel the same way about him thus not showing his feelings

Elrohir: I take it back.
Yvaine: Missing period.


"Anyway; come on I want to see you shoot." She encouraged

Yvaine: Missing period.
Elrohir: There's a missing comma, too.


Haldir took an arrow from his own quiver and readied it. After a few seconds aiming he released his arrow. It ended up

Evie: Buried in Herenya's heart.
Atton: Personally, I'd shoot it in the shoulder first. Then I'd rip the arrow out and shoot its other shoulder, then its knee, then its ankle...
Yvaine: I like the way you think.


just to the right of Herenya's. Herenya took one look at the target and readied her bow and arrow, with only a second of aiming she released her arrow and watched it fly and split her other arrow that was already on the bulls-eye.

All: :rolleyes:
Elrohir: Of course it did.


"Do you ever seize to amaze me"

Luthi: *as Herenya* No, most of the time I shoplift out of habit. Though every once in a while I do it just to show off.

complemented Haldir whilst Herenya smiled shyly

Yvaine: Missing-
Atton: You're going to lose your voice if you keep that up.
Evie: I vote we ignore all the missing punctuation from here on.
Yvaine: We can try, but that's going to be difficult.


"Thank you Haldir. Though something tells me you didn't come to just have a friendly talk." Questioned Herenya

Luthi: Is it propositioning Haldir in the middle of the archery field? :blink:
Atton: We did establish last chapter that it is a slut...


Haldir sighed "Lady Galadriel sent me. She told me to tell you that 'It's time'"

Atton: *as Haldir* The PPC agents have finally caught up with you. Surrender now or be destroyed. On second thought, you are going to be destroyed anyway. Don't bother surrendering.
Elrohir: Then Haldir, who secretly worked for the PPC, strangled the Sue with its own hair. The End.


"Oh" was all she could say.

Evie: Actually, if she was strangled she wouldn't be able to speak.

She felt like someone had just taken her ability to breathe away from her.

All: *cheer*
Atton: *raises glass of juma* Here's to hoping they never give it back!


"Well…I guess it's about time, I mean, I've training for it for three hundred years.

Evie: Slow learner.

So…yeah…

Elrohir: Elves do not say "yeah".
Evie: But you just did!
Elrohir: ...


Thank you for the message." She placed her quiver on her back and headed out of the Garden. Haldir ran in front of her.

"Herenya, I don't want you to go" stated Haldir

"Haldir"

"I mean it. You could get hurt" he argued

Evie: *as Haldir* On second thought, go.

"Haldir, we've been through this; I have to do this it's my destiny.

Atton: *a la Darth Sidious* It is inevitable. It is your destiny.

I was meant to do this. And don't worry I can look after myself."

"I know. It's just… I'm very protective of you"

"I know. Well, we'd better get going.

Elrohir: Haldir is going with it?
Atton: It's just so he can behead it at the first opportunity.
Luthi: Personally, I liked the "strangle it with its own hair" idea.
Elrohir: Thank you.


I've got packing to do, then I have to say farewell to my mother and sneak out before my father catches me…" She stopped walking "You will cover for me? Won't you?"

Yvaine: *as Haldir* No.

"Of cause I will. I just wish you that you didn't go alone, is all" They started walking again.

"Well, when I get there I won't be on my own,

Evie: Where's there?
Elrohir: With any luck, Moria. She can become best friends with the Balrog.
Atton: I was hoping she'd go on a nice, long vacation on Blenjeel. It's inhabited solely by giant, man-eating worms.
Luthi: Are you kidding? It would probably tame them and make them its animal companions.
All: *cringe*[/b]

besides I can ride faster on my own" After that, they walked in a comfortable silence toward Herenya's chambers.

Atton: Whoa! I thought she didn't like Haldir like that!
Luthi: Amazing how quickly these things change.


"So I guess this is it then." Sighed Herenya

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm going to miss you Heron" Haldir said softly.

Herenya giggled at her childhood nickname "I'm going to miss you to Haldy"

Elrohir: Apparently DA does not realize that we Elves don't use nicknames.
Luthi: Really, 'Ro?
Elrohir: Do not call me 'Ro.


They embraced each other for a few moments before having to let each other go. "We'll see each other again soon.

Evie: *as Haldir* I can't wait.
Yvaine: Please note the heavy sarcasm.


And if you don't believe me go ask my Mother and she'll tell you." Herenya said trying to lift the tension.

Luthi: She failed. Epically.
Atton: This whole story fails epically.


"Yeah, well, I better let you go. Tell we meet again" He turned on his heals and left.

Luthi: Tell "we meet again" what?
Elrohir: Turned on his heals? What in Arda does that mean?
Atton: It sounds like he owns a few medical droids, though that would be "healers"...
Evie: Maybe he can get them to poison Herenya.


Herenya went into her room grabbed her rucksack from her wardrobe and packed some tunics, pants, a spear pair of boots

Yvaine: I bet those are painful.
and supplies of six days.

Elrohir: That must be a very large rucksack.
Luthi: Maybe it's a RPG bag. You know, the bottomless ones that you can put anything whatsoever into and never run out of room?


She put on her grey cloak and then her rucksack and quiver on top. Once she made sure she had everything she went to hair balcony

Luthi: Would that be Rapunzel's balcony, by any chance?

and climbed down. She looked around and made sure there were no guards around. When the coast was clear she made her way to the stables.

"You should take Midnight" Herenya whipped her head around only to see Lady Galadriel

Yvaine: Oh, it's only Lady Galadriel, one of the most powerful Elves east of Valinor...

"He's the fastest and most loyal horse we have."

Evie: *as Galadriel* I won't tell Herenya he still has that bucking problem...

Herenya took the black and silver, leather reins from her mother's hands and gently stroked down the neck of the black stallion.

"Hannon le Arwenamin Thank you My Lady" she said with a bow of her head.

"I shall miss you, Hinya My Child" The Lady of the Wood embraced her daughter for a few moments

Luthi: Celebrian's there? When did she get back from Valinor?
Elrohir: That is a very good question.


"Tenná ento lye omenta, Peaser. Until we next meet Dear one."

Elrohir: The imitation Elvish is beginning to irritate me. *twitches*
Yvaine: Only beginning to? I admire your fortitude.


Galadriel gave her daughter a small smile, which she returned a smile

Atton: She never used it. Might as well get her money back.
Luthi: *picks up phone* Hello, Department of Redundancies Department?


yet it didn't meet her eyes.

Evie: *as eyes* I don't believe we've been introduced.

Herenya turned her back on her Mother

Luthi: Herenya is NOT Galadriel's daughter! Galadriel had one daughter- Celebrian! Why. Don't. Suethors. Get. It? :headwall:
Evie: *eyes Luthi* I didn't think she'd last this long.
Atton: I did. You owe me ten credits, Evie.
Evie: *grumbles*


and mounted the stallion.

Atton: *snickers*
Yvaine: :eyeroll:


"Namaarie Atara. Farewell Mother[i/]." With that said Herenya had her horse at a full gallop out of the Stables and out of Lothlorien.

Once we get out of the woods it should be smooth sailing from then on.

Evie: More random bolding?


She thought whilst trying to avoid any of the guard on the way out.

Elrohir: If Lorien's guards could not detect an irritating Sue and a stallion at full gallop, I would be extremely worried for the safety of the Golden Wood.
Yvaine: How is she riding at full gallop through the woods, anyway?
All: *shrug*


It was a six day journey to Rivendel. Herenya only to stopped to let Midnight have a rest and to freshen up.

Evie: *as Midnight* Just let me touch up my lipstick here...

Because the Elleth didn't need as much rest as the horse they only rested about four times along the journey.

Luthi: *stops headwalling* I may not know much about travel by horseback, but only resting every one and a half days sounds a little ridiculous.

Herenya was sitting on her cloak by a stream when she felt a nudge against her shoulder. She looked up only to see Midnight standing over her.

Atton: Trying to push her into the stream and drown her.
Elrohir: Apparently this Midnight is a very intelligent animal.


"Acheyla Melloneamin. Hello my friend." Herenya slowly got up from her place at the bank and put on her cloak. "Lle desiel? Are you ready?" Midnight whinnied as a sign of yes, Herenya smiled at the horses response

Evie: It can talk to animals now?
Yvaine: Sterotypical Sue Characteristic number five, actually.

"Quel, good," She said whilst moving to the left side of the stallion to mount. Once mounted and ready she whispered into the Midnight's ear "Lye aut. Let's Go" Once again Midnight galloped off to the direction of Rivendel, which they should reach by sun down at the latest.

Elrohir: I thought perhaps her earlier misspelling of Rivendell was a fluke, but it appears I was mistaken.
Atton: Never give a Suethor the benefit of the doubt, Elf-boy.
Evie: I'm pretty sure those were the two most pointless paragraphs I've ever read in my life.


It was midday when they heard it; an ear-piercing screech not far away from them.

Yvaine: Yet another random semi-colon.
Evie: I thought we were going to ignore the punctuation mistakes.
Yvaine: I tried, but it's impossible.


The screech resulted Midnight rearing up. Herenya held on just tight enough to stop herself from falling off of her horse. She knew that wasn't just any screech that she heard. It was a screech of a ring-wraith, a Nasgûl.

Atton: Is this supposed to be dramatic? Because it's putting me to sleep.
Luthi: Ringwraith, not ring-wraith! :headwall:
Elrohir: I am amazed that DA remembered the accent mark and still managed to spell Nazgûl wrong.


The Black Riders controlled by the dark lord Sauron, who gave them the task of finding the ring of power.

All: SENTENCE FRAGMENT!

She knew that the wraith's screeching could only mean that they have felt the presence of

Elrohir: Yet another Mary Sue.

the ring so that means…

Luthi: Did that make sense?
Evie: I'm not quite sure.


The Ring is close, Herenya thought to herself.

Yvaine: As opposed to thinking to its horse.
Evie: It's been known to happen.


"Karn asca melloneamin. Make haste my friend." Herenya said to Midnight as she urged her horse to full out sprint. Herenya could hear the pounding of hooves, which indicated that they were chasing someone.

Atton: It's chasing someone and doesn't even realize it?
Elrohir: I believe it is meant to indicate the Nazgûl were chasing someone.
Atton: Then why didn't it just say that?
Evie: It tried and failed.


She could only hope that, the person was on a horse and that it was an extremely fast one. The sound of the Nasgûl's screeches reached her ears as well as the sound of waves. She now knew that they were near the stream that goes passed Rivendel.

Yvaine: Streams do not produce waves. Rivers, on the other hand, sometimes do.

She rode out of trees and towards the stream. On the other side she saw a person on their knees next to horse. As Herenya came close she recognised who it was.

"Arwen!" She called.

Luthi: And DA loses even more points for being a Movieverse!Suethor.

The dark haired she-elf turned round to see her friends face.

Elrohir: That sentence was most unhelpful.
Atton: Well, since we know Herenya's an Elvin, whatever that is, we can safely assume that she's not the she-elf. Therefore, the sentence should read, "Arwen turned around to see Herenya."
Luthi: Just as Glorfindel snuck up behind the Sue and gutted it.


Herenya then realised that underneath Arwen was a hobbit.

Atton: Arwen's cheating on Aragorn with Frodo? :blink:
Elrohir: :blink:
Luthi: That's a new one.


This cant be the Hobbit she thought to herself.

"Arawen, what's happened?"

Luthi: Oh, look! A mini-Balrog! *offers Arawen bacon*

She question her friend

Yvaine: I can't take much more of this grammar. How hard is it to add an "-ed' suffix to a word?

"Herenya this is Frodo. He's been stabbed by a Morgul blade" the colour in Herenya's face was drained at this news

Evie: Could that have been worded any more awkwardly?

"I have to get him to my Father" Stated Arwen with concern in her voice as she began to pick Frodo up off the ground.

Atton: That makes it sound like she dropped Frodo and he broke into a million pieces.
Evie: *as Arwen* Oh, dear. Maybe Adar can put him back together.
Luthi: Is anyone else reminded of Humpty Dumpty?


"Arwen, this is the Hobbit, isn't it?"

"Yes" answered Arwen.

"Arwen he'll never make it on your horse give him to me and I will take him to your father. I'm a faster rider than you and my horse is quicker than yours."

Elrohir: Of course you are, and of course it is.
Luthi: Glorfindel's not going to be happy. First his role gets taken by Arwen, and now a Sue?
Atton: Not like it hasn't happened before.
Yvaine: I know we agreed to not mention the punctuation again, but that was atrocious.
All: Agreed.


Herenya tried to reason with her friend.

"Alright but be quick"

Atton: I'm pretty sure "alright" is not a word used in Middle-earth.
Elrohir: You would be correct.


Herenya vaulted onto Midnight and Arwen passed up the Halfling

Evie: *as Arwen* No, I don't want the Halfling. His eyes aren't blue enough. Next!

and placed him in front of Herenya.

"Kart vei' sul Midnight. Run like the wind Midnight."

Luthi: *a la Toy Story* Run like the wind, Bullseye!

Herenya told Midnight and they were off into a full out sprint straight away.


Every now and then Frodo's head drooped forwards or he made croaking sounds.

All: Bwah?
Luthi: Is this a crossover between Lord of the Rings and The Princess and the Frog?


Herenya was trying to keep Frodo awake at least till they were at the gates.

"Come on Frodo! Stay awake! We're almost there" encouraged Herenya. As Rivendel

Luthi: Rivendell has two l's! Get it right, people! :headwall:
Yvaine: *eyes Luthi* That could cause some major brain damage.
Atton: Don't worry. She doesn't have many functioning brain cells left to damage.
Luthi: *knocks herself out*
Elrohir: Ouch. She is going to have a headache when she wakes up.


came into view she noticed the Gates were closed. "Open the Gates." She shouted "It's an emergency!"

Upon haring that it was an emergency they opened the gate. Herenya rode Midnight across the bridge and through the Courtyard.

Atton: *sings* Over the bridge and through the courtyard to Lord Elrond's house we go...

She halted Midnight at the steps and called to two servants "You," she pointed to one servant "Send word to Lord Elrond and tell him to come to the Infirmary and you," She pointed to the other "Take me to the Infirmary. Asca! Hurry!"

Yvaine: *as servant* Excuse me? And who are you to order me around?
Atton: You know, the way DA worded that kinda makes it sound like Herenya's going after Elrond now.
Elrohir: :ph43r: :X


Herenya followed the servant to the Infirmary whilst carrying the poor Hobbit.

Evie: Who deserves even more of our pity now that he is being carted around by a Sue.

To Herenya's surprise the Halfling didn't way much at all. From looking at him, she estimated him to be at in his mid twenties-thirties.

Too young for what is install for him. Herenya thought to herself.

Luthi: *wakes up* A Hobbit should be at least forty before upgrading to Windows 7.

She knew the dangers that Frodo will face. No one should carry such a heavy burden like this Hobbit is.

All: TENSE CHANGE!

Finally, they reached the infirmary. Herenya placed him on the first bed she saw. She turned to the servant that escorted her. "Quick, get a healer, he needs medicine!" She told the elf.

Evie: I thought Lord Elrond was on his way.

"That won't be necessary." Herenya turned towards the door and saw Lord Elrond. She gave a quick bow to him.

Elrohir: *as Herenya* Lord Elrond, you have my bow.
Evie: *as Herenya* The urple will look dashing with your dark hair. Besides, butterfly clips are so Second Age.


"Lord Elrond, this hobbit needs your healing abilities."

All: No duh.

Herenya pleaded with him.

"What is wrong with him?" he queried

"He's been stabbed by a Morgul Blade, my Lord. He's the Ring Bearer"

Atton: And the Sue knows this how?
Evie: It probably works for Sauron.


Elrond stiffened at this comment.

Evie: The comment that Herenya works for Sauron?
Yvaine: He should have seen that one coming.


"Get the herbs from my Study.

Atton: Who keeps herbs in their study?
Luthi: Maybe Elrond's starting a drug lab?


And be quick" His filled with commanded the Elvin servant.

Elrohir: Why does Middle-earth suddenly seem to be full of these Elvins?

He kneeled down at Frodo's side, his face filled with worry. He turned to Herenya. "What has been done to help him?"

Evie: The pronouns! They confuse us, precious!

"I don't know, my Lord, but from what I can tell, some Kings foil has been put on him to slow the poison."

Luthi: King's- the strongest brand of aluminum foil you can buy. Now with Poison Protection Plus!

"Where did you find him?" he asked sternly

Atton: *as Herenya* He followed me home- can I keep him?

"I don't know where he was before hand, but I found him with Arwen by the stream. She was chased by Nasgûl. I brought him here because I was the faster rider."

"Where is Arwen now?" his voice now filled with concern for his daughter

"Well she should be…" she was cut of by a familiar voice

"I'm right here, father." said Arawen coming through the door.

Yvaine: Another mini-Balrog! Hello, Arawen II. *offers bacon*

"Thank Valar your safe."

Elrohir: Which of the Valar?
Atton: What about her safe?


His voice filled with relief. Frodo let out a groan. "Where is that servant with the herbs?"

Evie: *as Frodo* Why am I speaking when I should be unconscious?
Yvaine: *as Elrond* I believe that was supposed to be my line, Frodo.
Luthi: *as Frodo* Well, please, take it back.


"Here father I collected them for you" she handed the herbs to Elrond.

"Hannon Le Arwen. Thank you Arwen." he turned his attention back to Frodo.

"Come Herenya, let my father heal Frodo. We will wait outside." Arwen said to Herenya

Yvaine: I think that's the first sensible thing anyone's said in this story.

"Okay."

Elrohir: Yet another modern word we Elves would never use.

Herenya agreed and walked out the door with Arwen.



Half an hour later, Lord Elrond came out of the Infirmary and gave a sigh of relief.

"Is he alright?" Herenya asked.

Elrohir: If I hear that word one more time, I will not be held responsible for my actions.

"He'll live, but the wound will never fully heal; he'll have to live with the pain for the rest of his life." Elrond informed them.

"I hope Aragorn is alright?" said Arwen, her voice filled with both worry and longing.

Elrohir: *twitches*
All: *edge away from him*


"Aragorn of the Dundian?" questioned Herenya.

Elrohir: What in Manwe's name is a Dundian?
Atton: Sounds like a cross between a Gungan and a Rodian.
Luthi: Oh, gosh. Greedo meets Jar Jar...


"Yes, he is the one I collected Frodo from."

Atton: This makes Arwen sound like a bounty hunter.
Luthi: Or a garbage collector.
Elrohir: DA is calling Frodo garbage?
Evie: Let's kill her! :evil:


"Oh, well I wasn't expecting him to be in this area I thought he exiled himself to the North."

Luthi: Um, okay.

Stated Herenya confused.

"Gandalf had sent him down here for the council that will be held as soon as the Halfling is better."

Elrohir: A case of Planned-Ahead-Council Syndrome. Hardly surprising.

Elrond informed. "Anyway: Why are you then Miss?"

Luthi: *as Herenya* Because two people who loved each other very much got together and made me?
Atton: More like an immature Suethor decided Lord of the Rings wasn't complete without her annoying, cliched character and forced her upon the inhabitants of Arda.
Evie: I like Atton's version better.


"I'm her for the counsel.

Yvaine: *as Arwen* But I want to be myself for the Council.

I'm Herenya, daughter of Lady Galadriel and

Evie: Any guesses?
Elrohir: Beorn.
Atton: Chewbacca.
Luthi: Winnie-the-Pooh.


Lord Celeborn of Lothlorién."

Elrohir: I thought we had established that it was half bear.
Evie: Apparently DA didn't get the memo, unless there's something about Celeborn that we don't know.


"Well, it's a pleasure to finally meet you Herenya; Arwen has told me so much about you.

Atton: I'm sure it was all negative.

I thank you, for helping the Ringbearer."

"You are very welcome, my Lord. May I ask that I have my belongings retrieved from my Horse's saddle?"

Luthi: Are we in Narnia now? I can't think of any other reason to capitalize "horse".

she responded.

Elrohir: Her verb of speech selection is... interesting.
Atton: Try irritating.
Yvaine: Or idiotic.


"It's already done Herenya" interrupted Arwen. "I took it upon myself to get your things because I know how far you have travelled and that you'll need some rest, so I had a room prepared for you."

Evie: And she had time to do this when?

"Hannon le Melloneamin. Thank you my friend" thanked Herenya

Atton: In the most thankful tone a thanker could use to thank a thankee.
Evie: *picks up phone* Hello, Department of Redundancies Department?


"Is there any chance I could go to my room now, I'm really tired"

"Of course my Lady, Arwen can show you to your chambers and I shall bid you Quel du then Good night" said Lord Elrond

"Thank you my lord, but please don't call me my Lady and I bid you Good night also." Herenya gave a bow of the head before turning and following Arwen to her room.

Atton: *yawns*
Luthi: I'm bored.
Yvaine: You aren't the only one.


After a few minuets Arwen broke the silence. "I want to thank you for helping Frodo, Herenya. I am very grateful to you."

Yvaine: Grateful for what? What did she do?
Evie: *as Arwen* I'm very grateful to you for stealing my role that I, in turn, stole from Glorfindel.
Elrohir: *as Glorfindel* I would never harm the Evenstar of my people. An idiotic Sue, on the other hand...
Atton: And then Glorfindel beheaded, gutted, and incinerated the Sue. The End.


"There's no need to thank me,

Evie: As we have just established.

I was just helping out an old friend and I'm sure anyone that would've come passed would have helped"

Yvaine: Actually, they would have been killed by the Ringwraiths.
Luthi: It's a Sue story, remember? Logic does not exist.


replied Herenya "Unless it was an Orc of cause."

They giggled at this comment.

Elrohir: Apparently stating the obvious is now amusing.

"You always knew how to make people laugh don't you.

All: TENSE CHANGE!
Atton: And no, she didn't. Doesn't. Whatever.


How do your parents fair?" questioned Arwen.

"They are fine. My Mother encouraged me to come here and my father…well, let's just say he was harder to convince."

"Well I'm glad you're finally out of Lorien, because now you

Elrohir: Will no longer pollute the Golden Wood with your foul presence.

can see more of Middle-Earth."

So am I thought Herenya

After a few minuets

Evie: Among them Bach's Minuet in G.

of twists and turns they finally reach their destination.

Luthi: The top of the Tower of Ecthelion.
Evie: Make that the top of Orthanc.
Elrohir: The Cracks of Doom.
Atton: Shelob's Lair.
Yvaine: The Paths of the Dead.
Luthi: Guys, we forgot something.
Evie: Oh, we did, didn't we? In three, two, one...
All: TENSE CHANGE!


"So here's your room" said Arwen before embracing her friend "I'm glad you're here Melloneamin My friend
"

"Me too Arwen" Herenya gave her friend a squeeze before letting go

Atton: Arwen then squeezed back and popped the Sue's head like a pimple. The End.

"Well I guess I'll see you in the Morn"

Elrohir: :blink: The what?
Luthi: It's an abbreviation for morning...
Atton: I'm guessing Elves don't use slang abbreviations, either?
Elrohir: You would be correct.


"Yes, Good night Herenya"

"Good Night Arwen"

Herenya finally went into her room. After closing the door behind her she went straight onto her bed, not even looking around at the room.

Elrohir: And thus failing to notice the PPC agents in the corner.
Atton: Who then proceeded to jump on the Sue, rip out her hair, torture her, tear her limb from limb, and throw her into the Cracks of Doom.


As soon as her head hit the pillow she went to sleep.

Yvaine: A dreamless sleep from which she never awoke.

Let me know what you think R&R

Luthi: There are no words in the English language negative enough to describe this story.

I'm writing a new chapter and I'll update soon

Atton: Please, take all the time in the world.


The loudspeaker crackled to life again. "That is the end of the first official chapter of your first sporking project," Rugan's voice announced. "I see that you have, for the most part, retained your sanity. Rest assured, that will not last long. It only gets worse from here." The Albino unlocked the theatre doors, and the group filed out into the hallway and headed for their quarters.

"Did you get it?" Elrohir asked the moment the door closed behind him.

Atton nodded and laid a plastic knife on the table. "That's one piece of the puzzle closer to our escape."


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Jedi Master Luthien
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The Pit of Despair Sporking Theatre had been strangely quiet for several weeks. Count Rugan was off helping Prince Humperdinck track down a mysterious Man in Black, and was therefore unable to personally observe the effects the mental torture had on his victims. Not being the type to delegate such an important task, he had decided to postpone all sporking until his return.

At least, that's what Rugan's current sporking group had been told by the guards who brought them their meals, and they were inclined to believe it. They certainly weren't complaining at the lack of activity- in fact, quite the opposite. Elrohir and Atton had worked out some of the finer details of their escape plan, and with the addition of a few more small objects would be ready to put it into action.

The half-Elf and the Jedi were discussing whether it would be wiser to Jedi mind-trick the guards or Force incinerate them when a knock came at their door. Upon Atton's yelling "Come in!", the door opened, and Evie stuck her head in.

"Guess what?" she asked. Not waiting for an answer, she continued, "Rugan's back, and wants us in the theatre in thirty seconds. If you're late, you're sporking "Middle-Earth's Last Hope" by yourself."

Atton and Elrohir looked at each other, then at the librarian, and bolted for the theatre. Evie followed them down the hallway at a slower pace, mentally cursing Force speed and Elven quickness. All three arrived to find Yvaine and Luthi already in the theatre. The star was calmly munching pretzels, while the half-insane fangirl was downing her third can of Mountain Dew.

"You're not gonna get any sleep tonight," Atton remarked, eyeing the empty soda cans.

"I haven't had any caffeine in three weeks! Give me a break!" Luthi defended herself. Not moved in the slightest, the Former Sith Turned Smuggler Turned Jedi confiscated the remainder of her highly-caffeinated beverage and handed her a glass of milk.

"Drink up. You need the vitamins."

"Yes, mother," the fangirl muttered, but drank the milk anyway, nicking a few Oreos from the snack bar to go with it. Atton raised his eyebrows and was about to ask how much sugar she'd already consumed when the loudspeaker crackled to life.

At first, all the sporkers could hear was high-pitched feedback, which made Elrohir groan and down two aspirin. Moments later, however, Count Rugan's familiar voice boomed from the speakers. "The sporking session is about to begin."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Evie muttered as the five sporkers took their usual seats in front of the huge screen. The lights dimmed, the screen lit up, and the sporking began.



If there's any elves that's wrong I apologize and let me know if there is

Luthi: This disclaimer sounds strangely familiar.
Evie: And still doesn’t make any sense.


I changed the name 'Nessa' to 'Herenya' coz Nessa was too twilight

Atton: As we are all aware, even though we’re not sure what it means.

I dont own Lord of the rings I only own Herenya

Elrohir: *yawns*

Wanted

Luthi: Really? Today must be opposite day.

Chapter 2

Herenya was walking through the garden at Lothlorién

Atton: Uh... does Ara’s society accept stray accent marks?
Luthi: I don’t know. We should ask.


were she came to practise her fighting skills and to just relax and enjoy the peace of nature that is given to Lothlorién.

Yvaine: Is it just me, or are those two things mutually exclusive?
Evie: It’s not just you.


She had her hair completely down and wore a white gown and wore no shoes.

Evie: Then she stepped on a rusty nail, contracted tetanus, and died.

There was something wrong. She could sense it. There were no sounds of birds or the sound of rushing water. What disturbed her the most is that she could no longer hear the trees. She looked around for the unseen danger.

Elrohir: *raises eyebrow* And thus confirmed her stupidity.

All she knew is that what ever was in her garden was of great evil.

Atton: She suddenly realized she was the only thing in the garden, and keeled over dead of shock.

It was at her midnight-blue pond where she could feel the evil presence the most.

Luthi: I've never heard radioactivity called "evil" before, but I guess it could be.

"Herenya!" whispered a deep voice. "Herenya!" it repeated.
"Whose there?"

Elrohir: Not mine.

asked Herenya. She tried to keep the fear out of her voice but failed.
"Herenya!" it repeated but louder

Evie: *as voice* Are you deaf as well as stupid?

Herenya felt something pull at her mind, making her turn round. She fought with herself not to turn round,

Yvaine: We all have weight troubles sometimes.
Evie: Easy for you to say, Star Lady.


for she knew that what ever

Yvaine: One word.

was behind her was the source of the evil that was in her garden.

Evie: *raises eyebrow* And she knew this how?
Atton: She's speshul, remember?


As she hesitantly turned around she realised that the voice was coming from her mother's pond.

Luthi: So it was possessed as well as Radioactive?
Atton: Possessed by the ghost of Marie Curie, maybe?


Again she was forced against her will, this time her body was moving forwards, toward the pond and the evil voice.

Evie: The poor goldfish wanted his revenge for being forced into a Horri-fic.

Once she was in front of it, an image appeared. It seemed to be the base of a black tower.

Elrohir: But it wasn't.

Then it seemed to be moving up toward the top of the tower. When it got there it wasn't just a plain,

Evie: Yet another comma for Ara’s collection.

top of a tower, for on top was a ball of fire and yet it wasn't.

All: Bwah?

It was an eye. The Eye, of the Dark Lord Sauron. The Eye looked like a giant ball of fire with a black oval in the middle.

Luthi: Uh... don't most eyes have black ovals in the middle?
Evie: They're usually circles, actually. Sauron must be a cat.
Elrohir: Wrong Maia. That's Tevildo.


It was looking around until its gaze fell upon her and when it did the pupil of the eye narrowed into a straight line and new force was tugged on Herenya,

Atton: Use the Force, Herenya! *beat* Wait, don't use the Force!
Luthi: I was about to ask if you're trying to kill us all, Rand.


not just mentally but physically too. Herenya's body was being pulled closer and closer toward the pool. When she felt the ends of her hair getting wet, she found a new strength and pulled back

Luthi: *As Nessa/Herenya* OMG!!1!! My hair is, lyk, full of lake water now!!11!!!1
Evie: Lake water and the poor goldfish...


panting as if she had ran 1000 miles.

Elrohir: She can run 1000 miles?
Atton: Sure! She does that as a daily warm up before practicing her fighting skills and “relaxing and enjoying the peace of nature that is given to Lothlorién” *rolls his eyes*


She turned round to head back home only to become

Yvaine: *twitches* Come, not become.

face-to-face with the Eye. She looked around and noticed she was no longer in the garden, but on top of the tower,

Elrohir: There are so many extra commas here . . .

that she had seen in the pond. When she looked back at where the eye was, it was no longer there. Instead, it was the figure of the Dark Lord himself and on his ring finger was the Ring of Power.

Evie: *sarcastically* No, you don’t say!
Atton: I was expecting the Band-Aid of Power.


As he walked toward her, she tried to get away but didn't get far as she was stopped after first step because attached to her wrists, were shackles tied to the roof.

Atton: Um, wouldn’t she have noticed that she was shackled?
Evie: She’s a sue.
Elrohir: And just where was she planning on going? She is on top of Barad-dûr, after all...


That's when she noticed she was no longer wearing her white robe but black armour that matched that of the Dark Lord's, the only thing that was missing was the helmet.

Luthi: Awww, his and hers armor. How sweet.
Atton: Apparently Sauron is too cheap to buy it a helmet.
Evie: He's just hoping someone will take advantage of that fact and rid him of the Sue once and for all.


When she looked back at him she saw that he now had hold of her chains. He pulled Herenya towards him. He advanced her in height by at least a foot.

Luthi: Growth spurt!

He lifted his armour covered hand and stroked her soft face. His armoured hands were coarse and were big enough to fit her head in and crush it.

Atton: Which they did. The End.

At this Herenya closed her eyes as her fear intensified. He saw this "Mankoi lle gorga, kelvaramin?

Elrohir: What language was that?

Why do you fear me, my pet?" He asked his voice

Atton: Sauron's voice is afraid of him?
Elrohir: Where did you think the Mouth of Sauron came from?


deep and cold. She was scared to use her voice in case it would betray her or won't work.

Luthi: That's when you return it for a refund.

Instead she shuddered fearfully. He knew she wouldn't answer and he also knew why. "Amin uuma il lle. I won't harm you." He reassured her "as long as you do as you told." I stated.

Yvaine: *confused* Why is darkangel1994 suddenly in this story?
Atton: Actually, she goes by MidnightWolf-94 now.
Luthi: Let's call her Wolfie. :P


Nessa

Elrohir: *confused* Where did Herenya go, and why is one of the Valier in this story?

just nodded to this, not wanting to face his wrath.
Where was the girl who had so much spirit that she disobeyed father's rules? Asked a voice in her head.
She died along side her friends. Stated another.

Luthi: AHH! She’s possessed *hides*
Atton: You know you're insane when the voices in your head start talking to one another.


Whilst thinking this she didn't realise that Sauron had walked with her to the edge of the tower's roof.

Elrohir: He then pushed her off, earning himself the gratitude of Middle-earth and a full pardon from the Valar.

"En. Look" He commanded her, pointing out into the distance. She obeyed. "All this is ours." He circled his arm in the air to demonstrate "We shall rule this earth side-by-side, you and I. All shall kneel before us. And you shall be my Verne.

Luthi: Would that be Jules Verne?
Evie: Didn't he write 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea? I love that book...


Wife" Herenya's eyes widened at this comment. She wanted to scream at him, fight him, but she did not do so. She had given up. Given up without a fight, it was unlike her to do so: Though she did.

All: *re-read that last sentence*
Evie: There are so many things wrong with that, I do not even know where to start.


"I have something for you." He stated. She looked at him but not at his face.

Atton: I don't want to know where she was looking, then.
Yvaine: *smacks him*
Atton: OW!! Hey, I was just stating a fact!


He opened his hand and in it was a silver band.

Evie: Playing the world's smallest silver instruments.

"This ring is to remind you who you belong to and no matter where you are, we will always be together."

Luthi: *begins singing* Wherever you are, whatever you do, we'll always go through it together!

This scared her even more. Though she knew now, that she truly belonged to him and there was nothing she could do about it. He lifted up her left hand and readied the silver band.
As Herenya looked at it she could tell it was another magic ring not as powerful as his,

Yvaine: And she knew this... how?
Atton: *opens mouth*
Yvaine: If you use the word "speshul" one more time, I will smack you into next century.


but powerful and something told her that this ring would control her and bend to the will of the Dark Lord. When he finally placed it on her ring finger, Herenya gave out a gasp, as she felt herself being drowned; and she was,

All: *cheer*

not by water but by the evil that the ring possessed.

Elrohir: She's already evil enough!

Then everything when black.

Herenya bolted up right in bed, panting. She had cold sweat running down her face and clinging to her hair.

Luthi: *as sweat* No! I won't let go! You can't make me!
Evie: And then enters the Anti-Perspirant of Doom.


She looked around to find that she was in her room at Rivendel.

Elrohir: *twitches*
All: *edge away from him*


It was only a dream, just dream; She told herself.
She took the time sitting in bed to actually have a look at her temporary room.

Atton: Which was set to disapper in five seconds.

It was a light lilac colour with light brown wooden floor. Her wardrobe and nightstand were the same colour and on one of the nightstands was a candle and on the other there was a water basin. She slept in a canopy bed with a lilac translucent material. The covers were a darker lilac than the wall colour and the material was velvet and on the bed were purple pillows.

Atton: Gee, you think this Sue likes purple?
Evie: She just has problems with spilling grape juice, and Elrond didn't want anything else ruined.
Luthi: There's probably a Barney plushie in there somewhere.


At the foot of the bed there was a wooden trunk, which on top were her rucksack and other weapons.

Yvaine: Since when is a rucksack a weapon?
Atton: Since it holds the Sue's makeup kit.


There was also a light brown wooden vanity table with a mirror and some make-up.

Atton: Apparently the rucksack isn't a weapon. My mistake. Or, rather, MidnightWolf-94's mistake.

There were three doors in her room two were the same light brown colour as the floor and wardrobe and the other had class windows

Yvaine: Comma.
Atton: Even windows are part of a hierarchy now.


and around the windows were lilac translucent material. One led to a bathroom, one to the corridor and the other to what she presumed was the balcony though she decided she would explore later on in the day.

Elrohir: If it hasn't explored, how does it know where the other two doors go? *beat* I do realize it was obliged to walk through one of them the night before...

When Herenya finally got off the bed she realized she was still in the clothes she came in.

Luthi: You're not very bright, now, are you?

She went to the door and called to a servant to run her a bath.

Atton: Does Rivendell have indoor plumbing?
Luthi: I'm fairly certain that Tolkien never says.


She then went her rucksack to find only her weapons were in it, she opened the wardrobe to find that none of her clothes were in there either.

Atton: Then it remembered getting drunk the night before and losing all said clothes at pazaak.

"Arwen" she groaned to herself. She remembered the last time Arwen came the Lorien;

Yvaine: Bwah?

Arwen had made a point quite clear that if Nessa were to ever go to Rivendel,

Elrohir: *twitches*

Arwen will steal all of Herenya's clothes and will keep them

All: TENSE CHANGE!!!
Elrohir: Let me get this straight. If one of the Valier visits Imladris, my sister will steal the Sue's clothes and keep them?
Evie: What would Arwen want with the Sue's clothes?
Luthi: She's probably just trying to keep Herenya in its room. It won't work- these Sues have a notorious lack of modesty.


until either, if it's nessisary or the day she leaves.

Luthi: The spelling! It burns us, precious!

I guess I'll have to make do with a dress then, she thought to herself. There were different types and colours of dresses.

Atton: Oh, no...
Elrohir: Here we go again...


There were some made out of silk, velvet or cotton. They were all floor length dresses but they had different designs and different sleeves. There were three quarter length sleeves that frilled out and end at the knees, there was an off the shoulder full length sleeves that frilled out at the wrists.

Evie: Anyone asleep yet?
All: *raise hands*


She picked a plain silk, silver blue dress, with the three quarter length sleeves and then picked a silver belt and pumps.

Luthi: Yet another article of clothing that women in Middle-earth would never wear.

When she went into the bathroom she realised that the servant must have come in and sorted it out whilst she was finding something to wear. Once she settled herself in the water she released a sigh

Atton: *as sigh* Thank you! I'll be going now...

and thought about how she hadn't had a proper bath in six days.

Yvaine: *sarcastically* Oh, the horror. I'd never had a proper bath before I was knocked out of the sky by a bloody diamond... <_<
Evie: Uh...
Yvaine: You don't get dirty hanging in outer space.


Her thoughts then went to the poor hobbit that had been stabbed by a Nasgûl. He carries the fate of Middle-Earth on his small shoulders. She knew that the Hobbit would take the ring to Mordor and no matter what she will be there to help.

All: TENSE CHANGE!
Atton: Have we a Psychic!Sue?
Elrohir: More like a Doesn't-Realize-Frodo-Was-Chosen-At-The-Council!Sue


He must have great strength to withstand the Rings power and its pull towards it Master. This thought made her mind think about the dream she had.

Luthi: As opposed to making her stomach think about it.

Why was she in that armour? How had Sauron gained possession of his ring again? What the voice mean that she spirit had died along side her friends? Why…

Evie: Are we reading this monstrousity?

She stopped her train of thought right there she couldn't dwell on her dream she had more important things to think about, like the fact that the heir of Gondor was coming to Rivendel

Elrohir: *twitches again*
Yvaine: Comma!
Luthi: And thus we discover the Sue's lust object.
Evie: Really? I thought this one was after Legolas.
Luthi: Maybe she's going for both.


and should be here today.
Once she was finished, she got dressed and decided to venture around Rivendel.

Elrohir: IT'S SPELLED WITH TWO 'L's, YOU NITWIT!! :headwall::headwall:
Evie: *eyes Elrohir* Is he going to be okay?
Atton: I guess we'll find out.


She walked passed a double door made from old Oak.

Atton: Poor Oak! They made him into a door?
Luthi: Is anyone else reminded of Pirates of the Caribbean 3?
Others Besides Elrohir: *look at Luthi strangely*
Luthi: Right. Never seen Pirates.


She opened it and gasped when she saw it was a Library. She loved to read.

Atton: *as Nessa/Herenya* See Jane. See Jane run. See Tom. Ooh, the suspense is killing me!

At Home when she wasn't training, attending a ceremony or meeting

Yvaine: Or standing in front of the mirror, or playing in her radioactive garden...

she was always in the Library, sitting in a corner with her nose stuck in her book.

Evie: *as Nessa/Herenya* OW!!! MY NOSE!!! GET THIS STUPID BOOK OFF OF MEEEEE!!1!!1!!

As much as she loves to read, she decided to leave the Library other wise she'll never get a good look at Rivendel and who knows when she'll get another chance to see it.

All: TENSE CHANGE!
Yvaine: TENSE CHANGE!
Evie: We just said that.
Yvaine: It was a double tense change.


What she loved most about Rivendel

Elrohir: *headchairs himself into unconsciousness*
Evie: That's probably better for him...


is the way the buildings catch the light of the sun. This was new to her: here in Rivendel reflected the sun's light, whilst Lothlorién reflects the Luna light.

All: Bwah?

Herenya eventually found her way to the stables. In the fields she saw Arwen's dimple-grey mare first.

Luthi: Arwen has grey dimples? :huh:

She went over to stroke it, when another horse started neighing and banging from inside the stables. A man went running in muttering to himself. "Not again!" He was so quiet that Herenya could only just hear it with her Elvin ears.

Atton: Her bear ears were completely clueless.

Herenya left the mare and followed the man into the stables. When she got their, the man was at the back of the stables trying to came down a horse.

Luthi: I’m not sure what that means, but it can’t be good.

As Herenya moved closer she realised that the horse was in fact Midnight. This didn't surprise her she knew that Midnight never liked being in the stables, unless it was absolutely necessary.

Yvaine: Missing comma.
Atton: Missing sense.


"Stay back!" said the man.

Luthi: Apparently he has sense enough to recognize a Sue when he sees one.

The man had dark brown hair and beard with blue eyes.

Evie: While his beard's eyes were blue, his normal ones were grey.

From what Herenya could make out of his clothes he was a ranger. She took another step forward only to be stopped by the ranger. "I don't want you to get hurt" Herenya was touched that this man didn't want her to get hurt, but it wasn't needed.

Atton: What wasn't needed? The Ranger? The hurt?
Luthi: I'm going with Herenya.


"There's no need" she simply said. She brushed passed the ranger

Yvaine: Well, that was rude of her...

and came in front of Midnight's stock. She took hold of the leading rope that was attached to Midnight's head colour

Atton: Midnight's what?
Evie: I have no idea.


"Seera Midnight, lle n'e rato. Peace Midnight, you'll be out soon." She said whilst stroking the black stallion's face.
The Ranger was looking at her in awe, wondering how

Atton: Something so vile managed to enter Rivendell without being destroyed.

she was able to calm down such a wild horse. As if reading his mind she turned to him.
"His names Midnight and he belongs to me." She stated "That's why I can calm him down." The ranger nodded

Atton: I'm bored. *pulls out pazaak cards* Who wants to play?
Evie: I will- but I get to deal.


"Why was he not calm here like the other horses?" questioned the Ranger.
"It could be for a few reasons; one could be because he was never fully broken, another because he was worried about me

Yvaine: Of course he was.

and another that he doesn't like to be in stables when he knows can be outside."
The Ranger nodded in acknowledgment.
"How come he hasn't been fully broken?"
"He's got a strong spirit, and that he refuses to give up. He trusts those whom he thinks are worthy of his trust"

Luthi: Doesn't everyone?
Atton: Plus three makes twelve. Your turn.


She turned to her horse and stroked his muzzle "And I wouldn't want him any other way. I think he's perfect the way he is."

Evie: Fourteen and eight is twenty-two, and minus three is nineteen. I stand.

At this comment Midnight nudged Herenya's shoulder with his muzzle. "Come on let's get you to the fields." She said to him, whilst opening the door.

Elrohir: *wakes up* Did I miss anything?
Atton: Yeah, Herenya was brutally tortured by you, Elladan and Glorfindel, and then left hanging off the side of the cliff inside Mount Doom with a colony of fire ants on her head.
Elrohir: :blink: I missed that?
Atton: Unfortunately, no, you didn't.


Herenya grabbed hold of the lead rope and led Midnight out into the fields, the ranger also followed. The journey towards the field was in a comfortable silence between the ranger and the elleth.

Atton: Plus two makes twenty. I win.

Once they got to the gate the Ranger opened it up so Herenya could let her stallion in. Once in they just watched at the fence they just stood watching the horses.

Luthi: *picks up phone* Hello, Department of Redundancies Department?

"I am Aragorn, my Lady" the ranger introduced himself. Herenya internally groaned at his formalities knowing he doesn't like his she replied in the same manner.

Yvaine: Comma.
Luthi: Doesn't like his what?
Elrohir: Scrubbrush, most likely. Estel was always terribly dirty.


"I'm Herenya of Lothlorién, my Lord Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir of Gondor" replied the elf.
"I don't like people calling me by my title" he stated.

Elrohir: No doubt because it is so long, by the time someone has finished saying it, everyone has gone to sleep.

"It's ok;

Luthi: A word that didn’t exist in Tolkien’s Middle-earth.

I don't like getting called my Lady. So if you don't call me by my title, I won't call you by yours"
"Agreed." Aragorn finalised. "So what are you doing here then

Yvaine: Comma.
Atton: You don’t have to keep saying that, you know.
Yvaine: It keeps me from falling asleep.


Herenya?"
"I'm here for the council" she simply said "My mother believes that my fate is tied to destroying the Ring, so here I am."

Luthi: Her fate is tied to the Ring's?
Yvaine: Stereotypical Sue Characteristic #12,466.
Luthi: Personally, I blame Movie!Arwen.
Elrohir: When will these Suethors get it through their thick heads that the Council was not planned ahead? :headwall: [/i]

They started to walk towards the house of Elrond for Lunch.
"Have you seen Frodo?"
"Yes, I helped Arwen bring him here, but I have not seen him since last night." Once again they were in silence. "Was he travelling alone when you found him?" queried the elleth.

Atton: Plus one makes nineteen. I stand.

"No he was travelling with three other Hobbits."
"I still can't believe that a hobbit came in possession of the ring. But I guess it is better that the ring went to Frodo and not some greedy arrogant dog."

Luthi: *as Nessa/Herenya* Lyk, OMG, that BOROMIR person!!1!!11!!
Elrohir: Boromir. Was. Not. Evil.
Luthi: I know that, and you know that, but I highly doubt Wolfie knows that.


"Yeah" Herenya heard a hit of shame within his voice.

Atton: *as Aragorn* I can't believe I'm talking like a teenager from modern Earth.

Did he think that he is unworthy of his title, because he is a descendant of Isildor?

Yvaine: Considering that's how he got the title in the first place...

Herenya could tell he was nothing like Isildor by just talking to him.

Elrohir: *raises eyebrow*

He was modest, brave, and what she could make out from his posture, he was a magnificent sword fighter and a natural born Leader. She could also tell from his facial expressions that he is in love.

All: TENSE CHANGE!!

"Who is she?" she blurted out.
"What!" his head snapped

Elrohir: *winces* That would hurt.

toward her with a look of astonishment

"I'm sorry, forgive me? I was just curious as to who is the lucky lady that was captured your heart."

Atton: Someone’s jealous!

Aragorn looked forwards again and muttered something under his breath which sounded like 'Is it that noticeable?' It was so that Herenya could barely hear it, however she still did.

All: Wha?

"No it is not noticeable, unless you are observing you"

Evie: Unless he is observing himself? :blink:

She looked at her walking feet

Elrohir: Then removed them and put on her standing feet.
Yvaine: Comma.


embarrassed "like I was." She whispered.
"Oh! And what, pray have you found out about me from just talking to me now?"
"Well…" she paused, wondering weather

Atton: Wrong ‘whether’, sweetheart.
Elrohir: Are you falling in love with a Sue, Rand?
Atton: :blink: :X
Luthi: Of the two of you, 'Ro, he's the only one I've never seen paired with a Sue.
Atton: Thank the Force for that.


or not her observation was correct "You are modest, brave, an excellent sword fighter, a natural born leader and lastly that you're in love."

Luthi: She got something right? Wow...

She looked toward Aragorn and saw a small smile tugging on his lips, which made the Elleth smile victoriously. "Hence my earlier- yet rude question- on who she is?" Aragorn sighed.

Evie: *confused* I thought Nessa/Herenya asked that earlier, not Aragorn.
Atton: She did.
Evie: Oh.


Nessa

Elrohir: Oh! Herenya disappeared again.

could tell he wasn't comfortable with people knowing, so she left him be on the subject. They once again fell into a comfortable silence

Atton: *as Aragorn and Nessa/Herenya* OW!! What was that silence doing there?
Evie: No, Atton- it was a comfortable silence.
Luthi: *as Aragorn and Nessa/Herenya* Ahh... it feels so good to collapse into this silence.


and continued walking to lunch.

Luthi: Is that the end?
Atton: Considering that there are no more pages, I'd say so.


The loudspeaker crackled to life once more. "Yes, that is indeed the end of the chapter," Count Rugan announced. The sporkers quickly leaped from their seats, dashed out of the theatre, and ran down the hallway to their rooms.

"I swear I'm losing my sanity," Elrohir gasped as they entered. "If I have to go through many more days of this..."

"If everything goes according to plan, you won't," Atton responded confidently, pulling a small object from his pocket and tossing it to Luthi.

The fangirl caught it neatly and smiled. "There's a reason you're my favorite Star Wars character, Rand. Who else would be able to nick a nail file off Count Rugan's guards?"

"Why do the guards have nail files?" Yvaine asked, raising an eyebrow.

Atton shrugged. "Who cares? What's important is that we stole one."

The star shook her head. "Sometimes I think you've gone insane, Atton."

The former smuggler threw himself down on the rug in front of the empty fireplace and grinned. "Sometimes I think you're right."



Thanks to Mae for her help in sporking this chapter!! :D *hugs*

Reviews go here.
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Jedi Master Luthien
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Future Egyptologist
Atton Rand woke up one morning to find the suite of rooms occupied by himself and the rest of the sporkers completely deserted. Half afraid that the others had managed to escape without him, he began looking around frantically for any trace of Elrohir, Yvaine, Luthi or Evie. Just as the former Sith Assassin was about to have a minor panic attackm he noticed a piece of paper pinned to his pillow.

"The Albino came by last night while you and Elrohir were passed out drunk. Said for us to be in the sporking theatre by 9 AM. If you're late, I think he said something about sporking Celebrian with no alcohol."

The note wasn't signed, but the fact that it was written in fluorescent orange gel pen told Atton that it was from Luthi. He glanced at the clock, realized it was already 8:59, and tore out of the room at the top of his speed. Upon reaching the sporking theatre, Atton headed for his usual seat, only to discover it had already been claimed by a gentleman of swarthy complexion, dressed in a military uniform of some kind.

Atton raised an eyebrow. "Uh, you're new..."

"You noticed," Yvaine responded dryly, sitting down and offering the military guy some popcorn. "This is Atton Rand, the Former Sith Turned Jedi we were telling you about," she added, turning to the newcomer.

Said newcomer stood up and made a formal bow. "Don John of Messina. It is a great pleasure to make your acquaintance." Atton eyed Don John warily, having developed a phobia of polite men who bow after his dealings with Mical and the Jedi Exile.

"What's he doing here?" The blunt question was answered by Don John himself.

"A creature calling himself Albino stole into Messina in the third watch of the night and abducted me," the Shakepearian prince replied. "I believe I am here to assist the five of you in 'sporking' a 'fanfic'. The Albino was not very lucid in his explanation."

Atton relaxed slightly. "The Albino and Rugan dragged you into this, too?" he asked.

"Of course we did!" All six inhabitants of the sporking theatre jumped as Rugan's voice boomed over the loudspeaker. "I see you have all met the new member of your team. I use the word 'member' loosely, as he will likely be allowed to leave after this chapter." A general grumble of "no fair" filled the theatre at these words.

"Oh, grow up," the Count retorted, sounding for all the world like a spoiled child. "Or, I could just tell you all to take your seats and begin the sporking." As he spoke, the theatre lights abruptly shut off and the screen lit up.

Thanks to those who reviewed I'm happy you did

Don John: Is this punctuation quality typical?
Atton: Oh, trust me, princey-boy, it gets a lot worse.

Sorry I took so long to update

Atton: That's quite all right.
Elrohir: We would rather you had taken longer.

i've

Yvaine: Capitalize!

had Course work to do wiv skwl and blahdy blah

Don John: What, may I ask, is skwl?
Elrohir: How do you even pronounce it?

Anywho... I dont one lord of the rings

Evie: I'm pretty sure this isn't even English.
Luthi: I think you might be right.

I only own Herenya
Enjoy


Yvaine: Don't worry; we won't.

Wanted
Chapter 3

Atton: For punctuation rape, spelling atrocities, and harboring a Sue.
Luthi: Also wanted: chapters one, two, and four through twenty-nine.


Sitting in the lunch hall

Evie: *raises eyebrow* We're in a cafeteria now?

was;

Atton: I think you need to take the semi out of your colon, Wolfie. Not that lists belong in the middle of a story.

Lord Elrond, at the head of the table, Arwen, at the left of him, Mithrandir, to the right.

Luthi: *recites* Arwen to the left of him.
Mithrandir to the right of him.
Herenya in front of him.

Evie: *recites* Into the valley of Death
rode poor Lord Elrond.


Next to Arwen and the Wizard were empty seats then there were two hobbits next to Gandalf

Don John: It was my assumption that the seats next to Gandalf held Lord Elrond and no one, respectively.
Atton: One of the first rules of Sues is that they never make sense.
Elrohir: Perhaps Radagast is in attendance.


one with blonde hair and one with brown. On the other side of the table was another hobbit with blonde brown hair.

Evie: Make up your mind- which is it?

"Quel re Haruamin Elrond. Good day My Lord Elrond."

Elrohir: *twitches*
Yvaine: It's starting early this time...
Don John: What is beginning early?
Evie: Elrohir's seizures. He hates fake!Elvish with a passion.
Elrohir: *twitches again*


said Herenya and the Ranger in unison.

Atton: Awwww, they're twinkies!

"Come have some food" They nodded a bow

Luthi: And just how does that work, exactly?

and took their seats. Herenya sat next to Mithrandir and to the blonde Hobbit, whilst Aragorn took his seat next to Arwen and the brown-blonde hobbit.
"So Mithrandir, where have you ventured recently, for I have not seen you in many years?"

Evie: *to Don John* This is a Sue attempting to sound sophisticated.
Don John: I am afraid she has failed.


asked Herenya

Yvaine: Missing a full-stop there, Wolfie.

"I've been travelling to see many friends my dear. As for where I've been;

Yvaine: Yet another case of Random Punctuation.
Luthi: We should start a division of Ara's Society just for that.


I've been to Rohan, Mirkwood, Ministirith,

Elrohir: :blink:
Luthi: Bwah? What the heck is Ministirith?
Atton: It's the capital of Mini-Balrog World, that's what.
Don John: What is a mini-Balrog?
Atton: Hang around here long enough and you'll find out.


Rivendel

Elrohir: *twitches again*

and Isengard"

Luthi: *sings* I've been everywhere, man, I've been everywhere...

Herenya caught the distressed tone in his voice

Yvaine: *as Gandalf* Ooh, nice catch!

that he tried to cover up. A cough came from the left side of Herenya

Don John: *raises eyebrow* Do coughs not usually proceed from one's mouth?
Atton: This is a Sue. She's-
Everyone Else: We know, we know! Speshul.
Don John: :huh:


she looked to see both of the Hobbits staring at Gandalf.

Don John: With faces full of hope, praying that the mighty wizard would soon smite the foul Sue.
Atton: *claps him on the back* Y'know, I think you're gonna fit right in.


"And of course, I have also been to the shire as well."

Evie: Which shire? Devonshire? Worchestershire? Nottinghamshire?
Luthi: New Hampshire? *beat* Now I have this weird mental image of Gandalf wandering around New England...


At this the Hobbits smiled and went back to stuffing their faces with their lunch.

Evie: This imagery is so beautiful! Not.

Whilst eating Herenya

Luthi: They're eating Herenya? :bounce:

noticed

Luthi: Darn it. <_<

the quick glances Aragorn and Arwen were giving each other and she knew that Arwen was the love of Aragorn's life and him hers.

Atton: Those must have been some glances.

She was also getting curious about the home of the Hobbits.

Evie: Home of the Hobbits? Sounds like a best-selling novel.
Elrohir: Or a travel guide.


She turned to the Hobbit on her left.
"What are your names?"

Atton: *as Hobbit* Well, I'm Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim bus stop F'tang F'tang Olé Biscuitbarrel...
Luthi: *as other Hobbit* Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Yvaine: And then the Hobbits pounced on Herenya and tore her to pieces with their bare hands. The end.


"Meriadoc Brandybuk and Peregrin Took, at your service: also known as Merry and Pippin." stated the blonde one, proudly.
"And that one, over there"

Evie: How flattering. I want to be known as "that one, over there". :rolleyes:
Elrohir: It is better than being called "the fat one", as Sam sometimes is.
Evie: You do have a point.


Pippin pointed toward the brown-blonde one "Is Samwise Gamgee or Sam"
Herenya nodded and turned back to finished Lunch.

All: :huh:

Once finished she turned to Lord Elrond "Thank-you Lord Elrond for this lovely meal.

Luthi: *quoting* Thank you for inviting us on the occasion of your daughter's wedding. I hope her first child is a masculine child...
Others: :huh:
Luthi: Great. No one's seen Men in Tights. <_<


May I now be excused?"
"Your welcome Herenya;

Don John: What about Herenya's welcome, my lord?

and yes of course." said the Elf Lord.
"Master Merry, Pippin and Sam

Yvaine: Only Merry gets the title? How rude!

would you like to accompany me to the Gardens?"

Luthi: Sounds like a shopping center.
Evie: *shrugs* The Sue will need someone to carry its bags. Heaven forbid it do it itself.


"We would be honoured" said Sam enthusiastically.

Elrohir: Merry and Pippin, however, declined in favor of watching the new paint dry on the balcony railings.

They got up off their chairs said their thanks and walked off with Herenya.

Atton: *as Sam* Sure, just let me get this knife. There are fewer witnesses in the Gardens...

The garden was magnificent. The grass was fresh, the smell of the grass was breathtaking,

Luthi: Allergy season!

you could sit down in one place and be completely content with ones self and forget the world.

Evie: This must be Sleepy Hollow.

The waterfall was spectacular. The sound of the calming water just falling was so soothing you could fall asleep to it. The bridge was like a fairy tail come to life

Don John: I was not aware that fairies had sentient tails.

added to the garden. It had a romantic atmosphere about it that just seemed like it the right place for couples to spend the night.

Luthi: Um... that was too much information.
Atton: Shows you what's always on these Sues' minds...


Herenya wondered in awe what it would look like with the moon shining on the garden.

Evie: It would look like a garden... with a moon shining on it.

"So, what's your name?"
"Pippin" scolded Sam

All: :huh:
Luthi: Okay, first off, who asked the question? Secondly, is Sam saying the addressee's name is Pippin, or scolding Pippin?
Yvaine: At this point, it's impossible to tell.


"What? She knows our names and we don't know hers" said Pippin innocently.

Elrohir: The Hobbit has a point.

"Yes, but it was the way you said it, that wasn't polite" Sam continued to scold Pippin.

Luthi: Being rude to a Sue? Looks like Pippin's the only one with sense in this story.
Evie: That's quite a change. Poor Pippin.


"It's quiet alright Master Gamgee,'

Atton: *as Sam* Then let's make some noise!

interrupted Herenya 'I'm not really one for formalities so you can talk to me as you would any other hobbit,

Yvaine: :blink: It's a Hobbit now?
Evie: So, what does that make it? Part bear, part Elf, and part Hobbit?
Luthi: And part Elvin... and probably some fairy, unicorn and dragon thrown in there somewhere.
Don John: Frightening.
Elrohir: I'd like to see its family tree.


besides it was rude of me not have already introduced myself. I'm Herenya of Lothlorién."

Evie: There's that random accent mark again.
Elrohir: At least she is not from Lothlórien.


She said holding her hand out for Pippin to shake, he was hesitant though.

Don John: *as Pippin* To touch, or not to touch? That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to contaminate myself with the Sueishness of this being, or to flee in terror from before its face...
Luthi: Wrong play, Your Highness.
Don John: *shrugs*


"Come Pippin it's just a hand, it's not going to bite; unless you want it to."

Atton: I'm not sure what that was supposed to mean, but it wasn't good.

stated Herenya in a playful voice. Upon hearing the joke, Pippin grinned and shook the Elleth's hand.

Yvaine: *as Pippin* If it can't think up any better joke than that, I don't think I've much to worry about.

"Well, I didn't expect an Elf to have a sense of humour." He said

Elrohir: *huffs* Of course we have senses of humor! And that... thing... is not an Elf!
Atton: As we have established.


"Some do have a good sense of humour, it's just they aren't always open with it, unlike some who are open to humours comments,

Don John: Who is this "humour", and what has he done that MidnightWolf-94 disgraces him by refusing to capitalize his name?
Yvaine: We wish we knew.


like me, but I can't do much in a dress

Luthi: *snorts* I can do anything in a dress. Even play tackle football.
Elrohir: How does it feel to be superior to a Sue in the area of your talents?
Luthi: Quite good, actually. :D
Evie: What does the way you dress have to do with your sense of humor?
Yvaine: Remember, Evelyn- to a Sue, appearance is everything.
Atton: That's because they don't have anything else. Sith- they don't even have that!


and my friend happened to of stolen my pants."

Luthi, Atton: *burst out laughing* :rofl:
Evie: And just HOW did that happen, Missie?


Both Merry and Pippin were laughing at her last comment whilst Sam, although he thought it was funny, kept his countenance

Yvaine: As opposed to renting it out...

and just smiled.
"So Master Hobbits, tell me about the Shire?"

Atton: *as Hobbits* Well, young Padawan, the Shire is a lush, green country where creatures such as yourself are shot on sight.
Elrohir: May I ask why the word "Master" is in bold?
Luthi: Probably to emphasize that it wasn't talking to Rosie Cotton. *shrugs*


She asked her voice still filled with a bit of laughter, whilst sitting her self down

Don John: And promptly losing it.
Evie: Oh, Herenya's lost it, all right.


on the lushes green grass.

Luthi: :huh: Is that supposed to be "lush" or "luscious"?
Atton: Luscious. Apparently Herenya is a grazer.
Elrohir: That must be her Unicorn blood showing through. :lol:


"I haven't heard much of the Shire, but from what I have I would love to visit there."
"Well milady, if you do, stay away from the Green Dragon" informed Sam.

Elrohir: *as Sam* As that is where we Hobbits will be hiding from you.

"Please, don't call me Milady or anything else like that, it makes me feel uncomfortable"

All: *raise eyebrows*

Sam gave a nod of acknowledgment making a mental note

Don John: To address Herenya as milady whenever a suitable occasion arose.

not to call her by formalities.

Atton: Aww, Sith. <_<

"Anyway the Green Dragon: what about it? Why shouldn't I go to it?"

Elrohir: *as Sam* Didn't I explain that?
Luthi: *as Herenya* Uh, buh duh.... I dunno...


"Because miss, the Green Dragon is a pub and where ever there's a place that has lots of Ale, these buffoons will always be there" said same

All: :facepalm:

pointing toward the other two hobbits.

Atton: *as Sam* And I'd rather you stayed away from two of my best friends.

"That's right we're the two buffoons…hey!" Pippin said. Herenya giggled at his slow reaction.

Atton: Then promptly dropped dead.
Don John: Of what cause?
Atton: *shrugs* The Witch-King flew in on a giant winged horse and disintegrated it! Why should we care, as long as it's dead?


"Well it's true your there almost everyday"

Yvaine: *sighs* The punctuation...

"Almost, my friend, almost, but still very true" intervened Merry and once again Herenya laughed at the three hobbit's bicker.

Luthi: Did you understand any of that?
Elrohir: Not a word.


"So what are the people like and the landscape, etc?" queried Herenya enthusiastically.

Yvaine: Does anyone else get a mental image of Herenya literally bouncing up and down?
Evie: You mean like this? :bounce:
Yvaine: Precisely!
Evie: No, I sure don't.
Yvaine: <_<


"Well" Merry answered this time "You would probably never meet such nice people anywhere else in Middle-earth.

Elrohir: I beg to differ.
Luthi: That's because you're prejudiced.
Elrohir: <_<


We live in houses that you could say are underground

Atton: But you would be lying.
Elrohir: The Hobbits do, for the most part, live underground.
Atton: Then why not say "we live in houses that are underground"?
Elrohir: *shrugs* Do not ask me. I did not write this piece of refuse.


but they're not caves or anything like that they have windows, gardens and etc.

Don John, Evie, Luthi: :facepalm:
Atton, Elrohir, Yvaine: :huh:
Don John: Et cetera is the Latin for "and so forth". Evidently Master Meriadoc is a stutterer.


The Shire looks like a village but it is a normal town to us.

Elrohir: The Shire is not a town, it is a region.
Yvaine: Do you honestly expect a Sue to have taken geography?


Towns like Bree are way too crowded."

Evie: I'd hate to see the Hobbits in London.
Luthi: Actually, I think I've seen that in a fanfic somewhere.


"And not to mention frightening." Interrupted Pippin.
"I can imagine so, being in a crowded town with people twice your size, I'd be scared too"

Elrohir: Mark this down, someone. The Sue is actually making sense.

"Well that's all there is to tell you really." Merry concluded
"I don't believe that's all there is, but I'll let it slide.

Luthi: *excitedly* Is it a water slide? I love those things!

I'll be asking more questions tomorrow though and the only thing that will save you from questions tomorrow is if Master Frodo wakes up."

Don John: Perhaps this Sue is a Lawyer!Sue?
Yvaine: That would be a new one.


"Okay then we'll see you soon then Miss Elf" said Pippin and with that the Hobbits left Herenya to herself and her thoughts.

Evie: Which means she was pretty much alone.

Lying on the grass, watching the clouds go by.

All: SENTENCE FRAGMENT!

Herenya started to think

Evie: *gasps*
Don John: Perhaps there is a first time for everything.
Atton: Almost immediately, she forgot how.


once again about the Hobbit that was lying in the infirmary, healing from a wraith attack.
Why had Mithrandir trusted the fate of Middle-earth, in the hands of a Hobbit?

Don John: The Fates are Greek. How is it that this Mithrandir may trust one of them?
Luthi: Apparently Middle-earth has miniature ones that the Hobbits carry around.


How is that he is able with stand the pull of the ring when others have failed?

Atton: He has special powers that help him resist the Dark Side.
Luthi: He is a Jedi, like his father before him.


What laid ahead for the young Hobbit?

Evie: Probably some sort of chicken. I'm sure Frodo will be pleased to know there's a supply of eggs along his route.

Will he survive the journey he is about to go on?

Don John: Or will he fall into death and despair?
Yvaine: Find out on next week's episode of Frodo Baggins: The Man, The Myth, The Legend.


What would happen if Sauron prevailed?

Atton: You'll all die, and this horrible excuse for a story will be over.
Elrohir: I wouldn't count on that.


At this thought, her mind started to travel toward her haunting dream.

Luthi: Making a stop along the way for a bathroom break and some M&M's.

What did it mean? Was this the future, if so could it be changed?

Atton: *a la Yoda* Always in motion, the future is.

Why was I in matching armour with Sauron?

Luthi: *as Herenya* OMG!!11!1 I lyk, looked EVERYWHERE for that armor, and then Sauron came to prom in the SAME THING!!1!!!!1!

What did that Ring do to me? Why was he saying that I belonged to him?

Atton: *sings* Why can't you see
You belong with me?

Luthi: *smacks him*
Atton: OW!! What was that for?!
Luthi: I hate Taylor Swift.


She didn't want to think of her dream. It disturbed her that her imagination would conjure up such a fantasy at the time.

Yvaine: It disturbs us, too.

What scared more than anything is the fact that it might well be a vision of the future, for if it was, it meant that Sauron would reclaim his treasured Ring

Elrohir: His own... His precioussssss....
Luthi: :blink: You do that scary well.
Elrohir: Thank you.


and that he would have killed most of the living beings within Middle-earth

Atton: *deadpan* The dead beings would be left alive.

and those that had survived would be put into slavery.

All: TENSE CHANGE!
Yvaine: At least, I think there was one in there somewhere...


What was worse is that she was expected to rule along side the evil being himself.

Atton: Speaking from experience here, it's usually better to rule alongside a Dark Lord rather than be enslaved by them. Just saying.

Herenya shook her head trying to get the thoughts out of her head.

Luthi: *deadpan* They crawled out of its ears and piled onto the ground.
Evie: And then ran away screaming.
Elrohir: *as thoughts* Free! Free! Smeagol is free!
Others: :blink:
Elrohir: :wasntme:


She had to find a way to keep the thoughts from coming back.

Yvaine: So she quickly constructed a fifteen-foot cement wall, topped with razor wire.

She got up from the ground

Don John: Which sighed in relief.

and went back into her room. Once there she grabbed her white Bow and Quiver

Atton: Of POWER!
Luthi: But the Bow had been given to a most unlikely Elleth named Arwen Undomiel....
Don John: Who, even though she had no formal training in archery, at least knew enough to send an arrow straight through the Sue's head.
Elrohir: Then Elladan and Elrohir, who were nearby, shoved the Sue into the Bruinen.
Yvaine: And she floated all the way down to the nearest Uruk-hai encampment...
Evie: The inhabitants of which promptly fished her out of the river...
Luthi: AND ATE HER!!


filled with white and blue arrows

Luthi: *as arrows* Why am I blue?
Bluer than the deep blue sea?

Don John: If you were the property of a Mary-Sue, you would likely be blue, too.
Luthi: Point.


and went to the training grounds.

She was there the whole afternoon when a familiar voice interrupted her.
"Lle naa curucuar Herenya. You're skilful bowmen, Herenya"

Atton: Whoa. Deja vu.
Yvaine: Didn't she recycle that line from the first chapter?
Evie: I think she did. This must be Wolfie's way of introducing us to canon characters.
Elrohir: It is just as bad now as it was then.


The voice was filled with awe.

All: Awwwwww!
Rugan: *over loudspeaker* Wrong type of awe!
All: *awestruck* Ohhhhh!
Rugan: That's better.


She turned round to see Aragorn watching her in amazement.
"Hannon le Aragorn. Thank-you Aragorn." replied Herenya "Lle quet edhel? You speak elfish?"

Elrohir: *sighs in relief*
All: :huh:
Elrohir: This explains so much. They are not speaking Elvish, it's elfish!
Evie: Must be the language of the Elvins.


"Uma Yes" said Aragorn "Lord Elrond is my adopted Father. I grew up here until, a good few year's back

Luthi: And we have another apostrophe for Ara's collection.

I decided to travel north. Gandalf had a hob for me

All: Bwah?
Yvaine: What, may I ask, is a hob?
Luthi: Well, among other things, it's a male ferret...
Elrohir: So Estel has a pet ferret?


and told me to go to the prancing pony

Luthi: Would that be Bill the Pony?

to escort some Hobbits to Rivendel,

Elrohir: *twitches* *beat* :headwall:
Evie: I feel sorry for his poor brain.


just in case he could get there in time.

Yvaine: It's trying so hard to make sense, and yet it fails.

Its good thing he did other wise the wraiths would have killed them and Sauron would now have the Ring."

Luthi: Y'know, if you read it with a Spanish accent it kinda makes sense...
Atton: It just sounds like a bad Western movie.


"Yes, I suppose it is."

Atton: See? It is a bad Western movie!

So said dully want to avoid talk about the ring fearing her thoughts of her dream will return.

All: Bwah?
Luthi: *a la Riley Poole* Albuquerque. See, I can do it, too! Snorkel.


"So… the woman or should I say elf that has happened to hold your heart just so happens to be my niece. . . Arwen"

All: :blink:
Luthi: She... knows Celebrian is Arwen's mother?
Evie: I think I'm going to die of shock.


she said gleefully, whilst changing the subject.
He looked at her with astonishment.

Atton: Marveling at her lack of subtlety.

He was silently questioning her with his eyes.

Don John: Since when may one's eyes ask questions?
Luthi: Maybe Aragorn's a Picasso painting.


How could she have known that? Is it that obvious that we're in love?

Yvaine: Is there a reason we just randomly switched to Aragorn's point of view?
Luthi: Yep. 42.
Yvaine: 42?
Luthi: Hey, it's the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything. It probably works here, too.
Atton: Meh, it's as good as any other answer.


Herenya just smiled and said "I noticed at lunch today, the way you two look at each other it's enchanting.

Yvaine: *sighs and shakes her head*

It makes people envious of you and what you have. Also it is not obvious unless you are either looking for the look or knows what that look is.

Elrohir: How can it make people envious if no one notices?
Atton: I think this is a roundabout way of Herenya telling Aragorn it's in love with him.
Elrohir: Run, Estel, while you still have the chance.


I know what the look is because it's the way Mother looks at my Ada." She sighed at the thought of her mother and father. Aragorn noticed her sigh after her last comment on her parents,

Luthi: Oh, for crying out loud... *picks up the phone* Hello, Department of Redundancies Department?

she obviously missed them, and he decided not to press on with that subject. Herenya missed both of her parents;

Luthi: *sighs and picks up the phone again* Hello, Department of Redundancies Department? It's me again...

her mother the most, though she could not help but think about how her father would have acted toward her actions, although she knew running away would have been the only way to leave Lorien, she couldn't help but feel guilty that she ran away from the man who had raised her and looked after all her life.

Evie: If that was not a run-on sentence, I do not know what was.
Yvaine: I've seen worse.
Evie: Don't tell me that. I might have a seizure.


She once again shook her head to distract her thoughts.

Evie: *as thoughts* Ooh, shiny!

She grabbed her arrows from the target and placed them back in her quiver. Only then did she realise it was dark out.

Atton: You're not very bright, now, are you?

"Dinner is still to be served Herenya" informed Aragorn.

Elrohir: Everyone else has already eaten.
Evie: They don't allow her to eat with the others. Her table manners are not fit for polite company.
Luthi: It's the bear blood coming through.


"I know but I don't think I will go to dinner, I'm not feeling up to it."
"That quite alright, but I think it would upset a few certain Hobbits, is all"
"Well… you'll have to tell them that I'll make it up to them tomorrow and also send my apologies" Herenya said with a hint of humour in her voice.

Luthi: Add a hint of humor, some salt and pepper, and bake at 350 degrees for ten minutes. Your voice will come out perfectly medium-rare.

"I'll be sure to tell them" said Aragorn with the same amount of humour in his voice

Don John: Make note of this- 'tis the same amount. No more, no less.
Elrohir: How does one measure humor?
All: *shrug*


"Quel udome Herenya. Good night Herenya."

Elrohir: She even misspelled her own fake Elvish. :headwall:
Atton: Hey, calm down, 'Ro. It's elfish, remember?
Elrohir: Oh, right. Thank you.
Atton: Don't mention it.


Aragorn bowed his head toward her
"And to you mellonamin" Herenya also bowed her head and left with her bow and quiver. As she passed the infirmary she made a mental note to visit Frodo in the morn. She soon found herself in her room;

Evie: When did she lose herself?

she untied her hair and dressed into a night gown. As soon as her head hit her pillow she was already in a dreamless slumber.

Luthi: I give up. There are no words for the stupidity of this sentence structure.
Evie: I have to agree.

I know it's short sorry

Atton: That's not a problem. We're glad it was short.

The next one will be longer

All: NOOOO!!

please review

Don John: I am afraid the chances of that are the same as the chances of my name ever being cleared.
Luthi: Hey, I think you're cool!
Don John: While your words are strange to me, I think I take your meaning, and I thank you for it. *kisses her hand*
Luthi: *giggles*
Atton: :rolleyes: Oh, Sith...
Elrohir: That's the end of the chapter. I suppose we may leave now...
Rugan: *over loudspeaker* You suppose correctly, Master Elf. But I have decided to keep Don John here, just in case one of you finally cracks and I need backup.
Atton: *pats Don John on the shoulder* Welcome to the family.
Don John: :blink:


After finishing off the snack bar's supply of popcorn, the sporkers meandered back to their rooms. Don John raised an eyebrow at the state of general disarray that characterized the main living space, but nodded in understanding when Yvaine explained that it was easier to hide pieces of the escape plan in chaos.

As if on cue, Luthi produced the small pull-ring from the top of a soda can. "I think you said you needed this, Rand?"

"Yes, I did!" Atton exclaimed, snatching the small piece of metal from her and examining it. "Perfect- just perfect!"

Don John looked slightly confused. "And what, may I ask-" he began.

"Don't ask," Evie advised him. "Just don't ask."
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Jedi Master Luthien
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Future Egyptologist
Things had been fairly quiet in the Pit of Despair for the past few weeks. Most of this was due to Count Rugan having to let Luthi out for seven hours every day to go to school, and to the fact that said college student invariably returned laden down with homework. On this particular day, Luthi was attempting to multitask- reading Shakespeare’s Othello whilst trying to write a paper on ancient world religions- when the door opened and the Albino poked his head in.

“You’re wanted in the sporking theatre. Now.”

Luthi glared at the creature. “I’m kinda busy at the moment. This reading is due tomorrow, and I have a freaking quiz over it.”

“The Count says that’s not his problem. You should budget your time better.” Luthi could have sworn she heard an evil chuckle as the Albino opened the door wider. “Now you’d best get in there, before the Count decides to make you spork this story solo.”

The fangirl blinked. “He wouldn’t. He would…” and dashed out the door. She reached the theatre just as the screen lit up, and took her usual seat between Atton Rand and Evie O’Connell.

“Nice of you to show up. Popcorn?” Atton offered.

“Unfortunately, I’m on a diet,” Luthi answered as words began to appear on the screen.

I'd like to say thnx

Yvaine: If I could pronounce it.

to all those who reviewed:
Samin
songwritersqlash0007
cytl101
Broken Thought Of One
Gondothiel
Artemis-moongoddess89
JJ

Evie: How on Earth did this story get seven good reviews?
Atton: I hope they were sarcastic...

I don't own Lord of the rings

Yvaine: Capital R!

Tolkien does
I only own Herenya

Atton: Thank the Force for small favors- though we'd rather you didn't own anything.

I hope you enjoy the new chap Wanted

Luthi: Uhh... did that even make sense?
Yvaine: No. That sentence is missing... something.

Wanted
Chapter 4

Herenya was grateful for her dreamless sleep, for she did not know if she could take another night with the same dream.

Luthi: The same dream every night? Her subconscious is boring.
Yvaine: Or it's just not as messed up as yours.
Luthi: Point.


She went to her wardrobe and found a grey outfit that was made from a short flowing dress

Evie: So someone cut up the poor dress to make an outfit for the Sue?
Atton: I never thought I'd see a Sue in recycled clothing.


made from velvet. She also found a pair of pants and a grey pair of boots that came with it.

Elrohir: All for the low price of only nineteen ninety-nine! :D
Atton: *shakes head* That's it. No more infomercials for you.


How in the name of the Valar had I missed this?

Evie: Because they weren't there before. This is a magic wardrobe that sprouts new clothes every day.
Luthi: Ooh, I wonder if it also goes to Narnia?


Once refreshed she made her way over to the infirmary, remembering she wanted to see the young Halfling. In side

Evie: One word.

she found Gandalf watching over Frodo.

Luthi: I'm watching you, Wazowski. Always watching...
Atton: :huh:
Luthi: Monsters, Inc. It's awesome. :D


"Quel amrun

Elrohir: *twitches*
Don John: We really ought to seek out a remedy for these... spasms.
Atton: It's called "no fake Elvish", Shakespeare-boy.


Mithrandir Good morning" Herenya greeted the old wizard.

Evie: While ignoring the young wizard and the middle-aged wizard.

"Ah, good morning to you child and how do you fair?" he replied

Yvaine: Why can't she use commas? WHY?
Atton: Do you honestly want to torture an innocent comma by putting it in this piece of garbage?
Yvaine: Good point.


"I am well my friend" she paused and looked toward the hobbit lying still on the bed.

Elrohir: Wait... does MidnightWolf-94 mean the hobbit was holding still, or that he was still on the bed?
All: *shrug*
Don John: Perhaps both.


"How is he?" concern was clear in her voice

Yvaine: And jubilation was slightly foggy, and revenge was cloudy.
Evie: And it was hailing in the land of sorrow.


"He is stable."

Luthi: I just got a mental image of Frodo as a horse.
Evie: No, if Lord of the Rings characters were animals, Frodo would be a rabbit or something. Éomer would be the horse.
Elrohir: Aragorn would be a deer.
Atton: And Gandalf would be the wise old owl.


He said in a nonchalant voice, but Herenya was still able to detect worry for the brown haired hobbit.

Atton: With her new Super-Duper Worry Detector Plus!
Yvaine: Guaranteed to detect even the slightest trace of worry, or your money back!


It was then that the she-elf

Elrohir: *Creepy Nazgûl Voice(tm)* Give up the Halfling, She-Elf.
Luthi: *as Herenya* Lyk, OMG!!1!!1! I don't wanna!!1!11!! That's lyk, giving up mah drugs or something!!11!!111!
Evie: :blink: You have just turned this into a Frodomance.
Luthi: Wouldn't make it any worse.


knew that the relationship between Gandalf and the young Halfling was as strong as father and son's.

Don John: How, dare I ask, did she know this?
Evie: She's speshul.
Atton: Hey! That's my line!


"I know he is going to pull threw…

Atton: Do... what?
Luthi: Is it bad that I got a mental image of Frodo vomiting?
Elrohir: Can you blame him?


Though I can't help but worry for him.

All: SENTENCE FRAGMENT!!

I fear for his future and present; with the ring of power

Yvaine: *sighs* Capitalization is your friend.
Elrohir: *a la Gollum* Herenya doesn’t have any friends. Nobody likes her.


nothing is certain anymore."
"I understand my friend, for these are evil times

Luthi: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness...
Evie: Since when do you read Dickens?
Luthi: I've read Dickens since I was seven. I've just never liked any of it.


and the bond you and he share is very strong.

Atton: As strong as superglue?
Evie: I was thinking Hercules.
Atton: But Hercules died after his wife poisoned his cloak. Is the bond going to die because someone poisoned its cloak?
Evie: A bond can't wear a cloak...
Atton: It can if it's James Bond. :D


You must keep this bond with him and those whom you hold dear; for you will need them to get threw the evil times that are yet to come."

All: Ooooooh...
Yvaine: Did you understand any of that?
Don John: Not a word.


Said Herenya in solemn voice

Yvaine: Missing a full stop, we are.
Atton: I get the feeling Wolfie is insulting our intelligence. We can handle articles, you know. She sounds like she's speaking to cavemen.


"You speak as if you have seen what is to happen" He turned face to Herenya

Luthi: Bwah?
Atton: It's either messed-up Yoda speak or a nonsensical phrase.
Elrohir: Let's go with the latter.


"You know what is to happen if the ring falls into the wrong hands don't you?"

Yvaine: Missing comma. Again.

It was more of a statement than a question.

Yvaine: Then why did it end in a question mark?
Luthi: Because Wolfie can't use punctuation to save her life. You of all people should have realized that...
Yvaine: It was rhetorical.
Luthi: Oh. :wasntme:


Herenya turned her head away from her old friend, as she felt that he was about to question her, on how she might have known what was to happen.

Yvaine: Oh, look, another stray comma!
Luthi: And another speshul!Sue trait.
Atton: She has the ability to sense when someone's going to ask her a question? Oh, yeah, that's the superpower I want. Please note the heavy sarcasm.
Evie: Duly noted.


"Herenya…" He was cut off before he could question her, with mumbles that were coming from the smallest being in the room.

Don John: The caterpiller on the window ledge.
Evie: Really? I was thinking the innocuous bacterium in the back of Gandalf's throat.


Their attention now drawn to him, they could hear his mumbles more clearly.

Atton: Personally, I was not aware that caterpillars and bacteria could speak...
Luthi: Caterpillars can! Haven't you seen Alice in Wonderland?


"…Where am I?" came his voice

Elrohir: I truly believe she is attempting to keep us in suspense.
Yvaine: It's not working. We're on to her designs...


Gandalf answered him in a somewhat cheerful voice "You are at the house of Elrond. And it is 10 o'clock in the morning, on October 24th; if you must know"

Luthi: Altered movie dialogue... *shudders* Gandalf sounds irritated.
Elrohir: At least Mithrandir is not speaking fake Elvish. <_<


The young Halfling's brow frowned for few moments

All: :huh:

then he started to blink.

Yvaine: Seizure!
Luthi: No, he's talking in Morse code.


When he finally opened his eyes it was as if he had opened them for the first time.

Evie: So he looked around and then started crying?
Atton: *as Frodo* Are you my mother?


Everything was fuzzy at first

Luthi: I like fuzzy things! Fuzzy blankets, fuzzy pillows, fuzzy socks...
Atton: Fuzzy sour cream?
Luthi: :blink: Ewww!
Atton: Just asking, 'cause there's some in the refrigerator.


then when things came into focus his eyes searched for something familiar but found nothing visually familiar, instead of trusting his eyes, he went with his ears. He moved his toward were he heard the very familiar voice.

Yvaine: Just when we think it can't get any worse....
Atton: It gets worse.


Once his eyes landed on Gandalf

Evie: *as Gandalf* Hey! Watch where you are landing!
Yvaine: *as Frodo* Uh, Gandalf, may I have my eyes back?


a huge smile came quickly to face.

Atton: To face... what? And what were they fighting that happiness could defeat?
Yvaine: I killed an evil witch by being happy.
Atton: No, you didn't. You glowed. There is a difference.


"Gandalf?" the Halfling's voice was filled with joy.

Don John: This was immediately thereafter replaced by terror as he caught sight of the vile Sue.
Atton: Frodo let out a loud scream, which shattered the glass in the windows…
Yvaine: And the shards were then commandeered by houseflies, who picked them up…
Elrohir: And proceeded to cut the Sue into small bits…
Luthi: Thereby proving that houseflies are actually good for something and ridding the world of a vile nuisance. :lol:


The Wizard smiled at Frodo "Yes I am here. And you're lucky to be here, too.

Luthi: I just got a major Willy Wonka vibe for some reason. *shrugs*

A few more hours and you would have been beyond our aid. But you have some strength in you, my dear hobbit!"

Atton: *as Frodo* It’s the fourteen bottles of Full Throttle I drank before leaving Bree.

"Yes, I dare say he has my friend" agreed Herenya

Luthi: *as Herenya* And he won't give him back. *pouts*

The hobbit's head turned toward the mystery Elf. Gandalf saw the question in his eyes and answered him.

Yvaine: I thought Elves didn’t have beards.
Elrohir: We don’t- with the exception of Círdan. *beat* Why?
Yvaine: Well, apparently Gandalf is a mystery Elf…
Evie: It’s just a very good disguise. :P
Elrohir: :facepalm:


"Frodo, this is Herenya of Lothlorién;

Yvaine: *excitedly* An accent mark for Ara’s collection!
Elrohir: No, you have to move it over three letters…
Yvaine: No. Mine. My own. My precious.
Elrohir: :blink: *edges away*


she was one of the people who helped bring you here."

Luthi: NO, IT WAS NOT!! :headwall:
Don John: :huh:
Atton: Pet peeve. *pats the poor, abused Caps Lock key*


"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr Baggins" Herenya greeted him with a bow of her head.
"The pleasure's mine my lady and please call me Frodo."
"Then in that case call me Herenya, Frodo" she said with a smile.
Frodo smiled at thought of having new friend,

Evie: Because everyone knows Frodo was completely friendless. Sam, Merry, Pippin and Fatty Bolger so do not count.
Elrohir: More likely he was thinking of creative ways to torture the Sue.
Atton: Like calling it “my lady” until its ears bleed?
Yvaine: Oooh! Then it could slowly bleed to death, while being eaten alive by the acid in its own blood!


and then he frowned; remembering that Gandalf hadn't been at the Prancing Pony like he said he would.
"Gandalf, what happened?" the hobbit asked, confusion and disappointment filled his voice

Yvaine: I thought his voice was already full of joy. How is there room for the confusion and disappointment, too?
Evie: Perhaps something caused a chemical reaction that made the joy break down into confusion and disappointment. *shrugs*


"Why didn't you meet us?"
Herenya looked towards her old friend, trying to figure out what could have possibly happened to him to make him break a promise; for it was very unlike him.

Yvaine: His alarm didn’t go off that morning.
Atton: Or he was murdered by pirates…
Luthi: Murdered by pirates is good!
Atton: Except he’s alive.
Luthi: Oh, right. There is that little detail…


"Oh…I'm sorry Frodo but…I was…delayed" he said. He looking like he was going threw something in his head.

Evie: No, I know what it was- he got lost and refused to stop and ask for directions. *nods*
Yvaine: Yes- what is it with men and asking for directions?


Herenya could see that it wasn't just a delay something happened, something bad and she was adamant to find out but left it.

Atton: Isn't that a contradiction in terms? I mean, if it was so adamant to find out, then-
Evie: Just leave it, Rand.


For now at least.
"Gandalf?" said the hobbit bringing the wizard out of his daze "What is it?"
"Nothing, Frodo" replied the wizard.
A small being came running into the room like a mad-man calling Frodo's name.

Yvaine: It was Frodo's pet monkey, Jojo.

"Sam!" exclaimed Frodo.

Luthi: *as Sam* I am Sam. Sam I am. Do you like green eggs and ham?

"Oh! Bless you, you're awake." Said Sam with a huge grin plastered on his face,

Atton: And beginning to peel off due to the humidity in the room.

the hobbit was practically jumping up and down.
"Sam here, has hardly left your side

Yvaine: Yet another stray comma. *sighs*

since you arrived" said Gandalf
"We were worried about him weren't we Mr. Gandalf." Sam was still jumping up and down with happiness.
"By the skills of Lord Elrond you are beginning to mend."

Luthi: I'm going to start using that in everyday conversation. By the skills of Lord Elrond, that is a beautiful painting! By the skills of Lord Elrond, this salad is delicious!
Elrohir: :facepalm:


"Welcome to Rivendell

All: MR. ANDERSON!! :D

Frodo Baggins." Elrond greeted. Herenya was surprised for she had not heard him enter the room.
"Thank-you for all your help Lord Elrond, I am eternally grateful for it." Said Frodo

Atton: You saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.
Elrohir: :huh:
Atton: You haven’t seen Toy Story 3? It’s amazing. :D


"There's no need to feel so, Mr Baggins; for it was an honour to help you." Elrond bowed his head toward Frodo "Well now that you're awake, I suppose you would like to explore our home"

Luthi: I think this version of Elrond has multiple personality disorder. Why else would he be referring to his home as “our” home?
Atton: Maybe this is Gollum in disguise as Elrond?
Elrohir: It is all a plot to get the precious, precious.


Frodo nodded "Then we shall take our leave. Herenya, Gandalf, will you please accompany me to my study?"
"Yes my Lord" Herenya replied and with that Elrond left the room.
"Well I hope you feel at you best soon lad and I will see soon" Gandalf placed his hand on Frodo's shoulder before leaving.

Evie: *as Frodo* Uh, Gandalf? You forgot your hand…

"Well Master Baggins, it appears that with just one look at you, you can win someone's affection and trust."

Luthi: Oh, dear Valar...
Atton: Frodo has superpowers!


Herenya moved toward the Halfling that was sitting on the bed. She bent down so that she was eye level with him and spoke to him in a sincere voice "I am happy you have healed and know that I would do anything to protect you."

Luthi: This is reminding me of another Sue... Illyia- Elrond's Daughter #383,281,499.
Elrohir: That is not surprising. They're hardly known for their originality.


She kissed his forehead and gave a reassuring smile before she left him in a daze.

Yvaine: Which one of them was in a daze?
Elrohir: Probably Frodo. The poor Hobbit was just kissed by a Sue.
Atton: Forget the daze. He's probably in a coma.


When Herenya arrived in Elrond's study she saw that Elrond was looking out of the window and Gandalf was sitting down in one of the chairs in the corner. To anyone without any sense would have thought they were just relaxing,

Elrohir: *after taking a few minutes to decipher the sentence* Herenya must think they're just relaxing, then.
Don John: I fear it believes it has sense...
Atton: It’s delusional, then.
Elrohir: Aren't they all?


but Herenya knew better. She could feel the tension in the air.
"I ignored it at first but now I cannot" Elrond's voice came out emotionless "He was here two days ago and now he's back and I cannot ignore it any longer."

Luthi: *as Elrond* Aragorn must be made to take a bath.
Elrohir: *as Elrond* Legolas must cease his archery practice at the dinner table.
Atton: *as Elrond* Lord Glorfindel must do something about the crowds of fangirls who follow him everywhere.
Luthi: Glorfindel!! *squees*
Atton: One of whom is sitting next to me at this moment. <_<
Luthi: :A


Herenya was confused. What is he trying to ignore? And who is this he?
"My Lord, I'm afraid I do not understand."

Luthi: *as Elrond* Then I’ll explain, and I’ll use small words so you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.

"The day you came here The Great Eye did not come here till you went to sleep and he only left when you awoke. Now he is here again. Him watching us now, is understandable

Yvaine: Yet another comma for Ara's collection.

because the Ring-barer

Luthi: :lol: The Ringbarer! Toey bares it all!
All: :huh:
Luthi: Oh, please. You HAVE to know that reference…


is now at strength and the ring is using that strength as a beacon for him.

Evie: Can I take a nap now?
Rugan: *over loudspeaker* NO!!
Evie: *pouts*


But what I don't understand is why he was only here when you went to your quarters and left when you awoke.

Elrohir: That’s easy. Herenya is so vile that even Sauron wishes to avoid it.

Now I'm asking you, do you know anything,

Atton: It sure doesn't.

anything at all to do with it?"
Herenya sighed. She should have known that she couldn't have kept her dream a secret from Elrond. She had heard of how wise he is and how much he sees.

All: TENSE CHANGE!!

She should have known better.

Elrohir: It should have, indeed.

"I'm not sure my Lord" she muttered knowing that he would have heard her with his elf hearing "The first night here I had…a very disturbing dream."
"And what was this dream about?" asked Gandalf in a serious, yet curious voice.

Luthi: *as Herenya* Lord Celeborn wearing a pink tutu and disco-dancing with Hippie!Denethor in the middle of Minas Tirith.

Herenya let out a sigh, knowing there was no turning back now and she must convey the whole truth.

Atton: The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Elrohir: *as Herenya* I’M A SUE!!


"I was walking in my mother's garden, when I heard a voice come from the pond. There was some unknown force pulling me toward it. When I got close enough to the pond, I saw a giant eye of fire, and it was pulling me closer." Elrond gave an almost inaudible gasp

Don John: At the utter clichéd monotony of this story.

"but I somehow pulled away from it and when I did I turned to run only to see the eye right in front of me." Herenya's voice was now filled with fear. She wanted to avoid thinking about this dream, now that she had to tell it to someone disturbed her greatly. "I looked around and I was no longer in the gardens but on a tower with nowhere to run. I looked back toward the eye only to see the former figure of Sauron, but that's not all I saw.

Atton: *sarcastically* I’m gonna die of suspense.
Evie: The boredom is what’s getting to me.


He had the Ring in his possession." Both Gandalf and Elrond gasped at this. To hear that the Dark Lord was his former self was one thing, but to hear that he had the ring was a complete new level of fear.

Luthi: Uh... correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that two different ways of saying the same thing?
Elrohir: To make a long explanation very short, yes.
Atton: *grabs the phone* Hello, Department of Redundancies Department?


"He started to walk toward me. I tried to move backward away from him, only to find I was chained to the spot. What I also found was that I was in near enough in matching armour as him."

Evie: Does this mean Herenya is a cross-dresser?
Elrohir: It would not surprise me.


Herenya's voice cracked then.

Atton: Before shattering into a million pieces…
Evie: Which were then picked up by houseflies…
Atton: Haven’t we been over this?


Elrond could see that this dream had scared her and that she wished to rid it of her mind, but he

Elrohir: Wanted to torture the Sue by keeping the dream in its head for as long as possible.

had to know what happened. He walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders

Atton: Lord Elrond has been contaminated by the Sue!
Luthi: Meh, not as badly as some Sues I’ve run across…
Elrohir: You mean… :blink:
Luthi: Yep.
Elrohir: *faints*


–startling her- and looked her start in the eye.

Luthi: Uh... what?
Don John: Precisely my thoughts.


"Herenya, my dear, I know that this dream has disturbed your peace of mind but we need to know.

Yvaine: Honestly, who is going to care about Herenya’s peace of mind when the fate of the world is hanging in the balance?
Evie: Not me, I can assure you.


We need to know to help you and Middle-earth." He said his voice sincere.

Atton: And thereby deceiving the Sue, as he mentally left off that first quantity.

Herenya nodded knowing she had to continue, even though this part of the dream disturbed her the most.
"He started to walk toward me. He started to say things to me"
"What did he say?" questioned Gandalf

Luthi: *as Herenya quoting Sauron* Get off my tower.

"He called me his pet and that he won't harm me as long as I do as I was told. He started to pull me closer to the edge of the tower and told me that we were going to rule Middle-earth and that I was to be His.

Atton: What the kriff is with all the random bolding?

He pulled out a silver band

Evie: And their silver instruments…

and told me that I represents that I'm His and that it makes sure that were always together no matter what."

Luthi: Okay, so Sauron has a major crush on Herenya? Who does this Sue think it is- Lúthien Tinúviel?
Atton: If it knew who Lúthien was, it probably would.
Yvaine: No, Lúthien is an old hag compared to Herenya. At least in Wolfie’s mind.
All: :facepalm:


Herenya paused regaining her countenance

Evie: Which had fallen onto the floor.

"His then put the ring onto my finger…

Luthi: *begins singing* If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it…
Atton: Oh, dear Force…


then I woke-up."
She looked up to see Elrond's face was tense and he was staring –more like glaring- at the floor. The phrase 'If looks could kill' was real there would be a gigantic whole

Evie: A whole what? Whale?
Don John: Castle?
Elrohir: *wakes up* Army of Uruk-hai?
Atton: Star destroyer?
Yvaine: Planet?
Luthi: How about a whole room full of torture equipment to use on Herenya?
All: Ooooh...


in the marble floor.
"Are you sure, that was all?" Elrond spoke, his voice cold and emotionless and he still glaring at the floor.
"Yes I am certain." Answered Herenya; in a timid voice.
Elrond exhaled in frustration. He let go of Herenya's shoulders and returned to looking out of the window.
"It is worse than I thought" He sighed "Do you know what this means Herenya?"
"I'm afraid not."
"It means that the Dark Lord doesn't just want the Ring," he paused "he wants you to"

Evie: Wants her to what? Polish his throne?
Luthi: Uncle Sauron wants YOU!
Atton: *starts laughing*
Luthi: What? :huh:
Atton: G&L, anyone?
Luthi: *indignantly* That's Morgoth, and Miriel is NOT a Mary-Sue!
Atton: You sure about that?
Luthi: <_<


"What!" Herenya gasped
"If he succeeds in this war and regains the Ring he will also take you and force you to be at his side for as long as he decides"

Luthi: *dryly* I’m shaking in my boots.

Herenya was sure she started to hyperventilate, for she felt faint.

Elrohir: It was the poison Adar slipped into her supper.

She found a chair and sat down putting her head in her hands. She felt both scared and ashamed. Scared that this could well happen

Evie: That she could put her head in her hands? Anyone can do that!
All: *proceed to demonstrate*


and ashamed that if her dream was to come true, she was to be at the Dark Lords side until he got bored of her.

All: *burst out laughing*
Atton: It wouldn't last five seconds, then. He'd take one look at it and already be bored.
Evie: Unless he decided to start a freak circus.


"Is there anyway to prevent this?" She asked in a shaky voice.
"Yes and that is to only destroy

Elrohir: You.

the Ring. That is why we are having a council later today… But this is unexpected."
He looked back at Herenya and saw that she was on the verge if tears.

Atton: Oh, cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it. *mutters* Schutta.
Yvaine: *smacks him* Language, Rand!


He walked over to her and kneeled in front of her at eye level.

Don John: In order to enable himself to spit in her face.
Elrohir: Herenya must be very short, then.


"Don't worry about it, my dear. What you have dreamt will not come to pass. I promise you this." All Herenya could do was nod in agreement. Elrond

Evie: Pulled out a dagger and stabbed Herenya to death.

embraced the young she-elf and

Evie: Then pulled out a dagger and stabbed Herenya to death.

kissed her on her forehead. He admired her mental strength, for many others who would have dreamt what she had would have suffered paranoia and would be begging or death.

Elrohir: :facepalm:

Herenya pulled herself out of Elrond's embrace and gave him a sad smile before speaking.
"I best be off now. I need to welcome the council member's."

Luthi: *screams and begins headwalling*
Don John: :huh:
Elrohir: Planned-Ahead-Council Syndrome(tm). *joins Luthi in headwalling*


She and Elrond stood "That my Lord for clarifying my dream and supporting me. I'll take my leave now, Thank-you" She nodded a bow and exited Elrond's study and returning to her room to refresh herself before welcoming the guests.

Atton: Is it over yet?
Evie: Only author’s notes left…

Pleaz tell me wat you think

Evie: Trust me- you don’t want to know.

I'll update as soon as I can

Atton: Take all the time in the world. Please.

pic of herenya's outfit is on my profile

Luthi: :blink: She’s turning into Angey!
Atton: :blink: Oh, Sith…*beat* But that’s the end of the chapter.


The sporkers stood to their feet and fled the theatre as the lights came back on. Once they were safely back in their wing of the… pit… Evie turned to the others.

“I had forgotten just how horrible Herenya was,” she admitted.

“So had I,” Atton agreed, unscrewing the lid on the salt shaker and carefully pouring the contents into a clean sock.

Yvaine watched in some disgust. “I hope you’re not planning on using that on your food.”

The former Sith Assassin rolled his eyes. “Of course I’m not. Escape plan, remember?”
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Jedi Master Luthien
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Future Egyptologist
A lone minion was vacuuming the carpet in the Pit of Despair Sporking Theatre when the doors opened and six sleepy-looking, disheveled figures stumbled through. The minion glanced at the clock, which said 2:45 AM, raised an eyebrow, shrugged, and went back to vacuuming.

“This is an unpleasant way to spend one’s sleeping hours,” commented Don John of Messina as he deposited himself in a random chair- looking quite comical in his nightcap and bathrobe.

“I can’t believe the cell roofs leak during thunderstorms,” Atton Rand groused, attempting to wring the water out of his favorite jacket. “Remind me to never throw my clothes on the floor again.”

“Didn’t your mother teach you that when you were little?” Evie O’Connell was attempting to take the curlers out of her hair.

Atton frowned. “I was kidnapped when I was seven. Hutts aren’t big on making kids clean up after themselves.”

“Oh… right. Sorry.” The librarian elected to shut her mouth in favor of pulling out the rest of the curlers.

“At least the count is letting us sleep in the theatre?” Yvaine ventured.

Elrohir Elrondion looked up from his efforts at combing the snarls out of his dark hair. “I’ve a feeling there is more to this than we expected. Just wait. He will find some way to take advantage of this.” Right on cue, the loudspeaker crackled to life.

“Good morning, my captive friends! I trust you are all well?” Count Rugan’s voice boomed.

“For the love of all things holy, turn that down!” groused the resident fangirl, attempting to hide her face inside her HK-47 t-shirt and digging in the pocket of her Star Wars pajama pants for earplugs. Luthi despised having her sleeping patterns interrupted.

There was a pause of a few seconds, and when Rugan spoke again the speakers were less jarring. “I have decided to take advantage of this golden opportunity to allow you to continue on of your sporking projects. The Round Robin and Unlikely Odds were considered, but it was decided that Herenya merits more attention at the moment. Grab yourselves some caffeine.” The loudspeaker shut off with an unnecessary amount of feedback, and the six sporkers headed for the snack bar to wake themselves up.

Five minutes later, all the sporkers were in their respective seats. Luthi was downing her third Mountain Dew, Don John, Evie and Atton were munching chocolate covered espresso beans, and Yvaine and Elrohir were flaunting their ability to go without sleep, much to the irritation of the other members of the party. Atton started to say something scathing, but before the words left his mouth the giant screen lit up.


Evie: Here we go again.
Atton: I have a bad feeling about this.

I don't own Lord of the rings Tolkien does
I only own Herenya
I hope you enjoy the new chap Wanted

Wanted
Chapter 5



Herenya walked toward the courtyard with her head down.

Luthi: I just got this random urge to start singing Keith Urban songs.
Atton: That sounds like you…
Luthi: But I don’t even LIKE Keith Urban!


She wouldn't even lift her head to look at the beautiful buildings that rounded her.

Yvaine: That… what?
Don John: Don’t question it- accept it and move on. *beat* It is the wise thing to do, milady. This drivel is unintelligible.


Her thoughts were on the meeting she just had with her brother-in-law and oldest friend.

What was so special about her that would make the Dark Lord want her, her when there are many other elves that have so much beauty, that it makes hers look plain?

Evie: That is EXACTLY what we were wondering!
Elrohir: I hate to say it, but I feel sorry for Sauron.
Yvaine: Excuse me- I believe we missed something?
All: TENSE CHANGE!


How would he be able to control her?

Evie: No problem. Just offer her a shiny object.

She would rather die than rule the world with him.

Luthi: Okay, that’s a little extreme. I mean, if she helped him rule the world, couldn’t she convince him to be more benevolent or something?
Atton: As if she’d actually say, “No! Kill me!” if Sauron came up to her and asked her to be his queen.
Yvaine: We all know it’s just an opportunity for mindless angst.
Atton: True…


"Herenya!" called a familiar voice.

Elrohir: *as voice* This is your conscience, Herenya. Go throw yourself off the nearest cliff, Herenya.

Herenya looked up to see her niece- who was more like her best friend than anything.

Don John: *pulls out a List of Sue Characteristics* Bosom companion of Arwen? Check.

"Herenya, where have you been?" Arwen asked, but seeing the look of deep thought on Herenya's face she decided to leave it.

Yvaine: Even though she was highly confused at such an unusual occurrence.

"So I see you've found an outfit you feel comfortable in."

Luthi: *as Arwen* Unfortunately, I don’t think Adar will approve of a Sue walking around Imladris in a leopard print string bikini.
Elrohir: :blink: One would hope not.


"Finally, yes" Herenya said "I can't believe I didn't see it yesterday."

Yvaine: She sounds as though she’s had some sort of conversion experience.
Atton: *as Herenya* I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! *beat* And it’s really, really urple.


"I must have hid it well, if you couldn't see it" Arwen said with a giggle

Luthi: Easter egg hunt! :D

"I thought you had something to do with it"

Evie: *as Herenya* Anyone besides you would have chosen zebra print.

"Oh hush now, we have guests to greet." The two carried on walking toward the courtyard together giggling as they went.

Don John: As if they were scarce out of infanthood.

"The Elves welcome you to Rivendell, Mater Dwarves."

Evie: :blink: Mother Dwarves?
Elrohir: Uhh….
Luthi: And since when does Arwen speak Latin?


welcomed Arwen.

Herenya and Arwen bowed to the Dwarf Lords as they dismounted their ponies and walked up the stairs.

Yvaine: What are Herenya and Arwen doing on ponies? :huh:
Atton: That is a good question.


Because the Dwarves have a grudge with the elves no matter how polite they are treated,

Evie: Then what are they doing in Rivendell?!
Elrohir: *shrugs* I’ve no idea.


they just chose not to acknowledge them and continued up the stairs.

Elrohir: Elves and Dwarves may not get along, but they are not that rude.
Atton: They just have sense. Would you want to talk to a Sue?
Elrohir: Point taken.


Next was the Men who only bowed and said thank-you and it is an honour to be here then continued on their way.

Lastly, came the Elves of Mirkwood.

Luthi: All of them?
Elrohir: Imladris is going to be rather full.


"Welcome to the house of Elrond, My lords." welcomed Arwen.

Evie: *picks up the phone* Hello, Department of Redundancies Department?

"It is good to be here again Lady Arwen" said the older looking Elf "And who is this?”

"This is Herenya of Lothlorién"

Luthi: Again with the weird, random accent mark.

"Ta seasa á mae lle Heru

Elrohir: Nooooo!! It’s starting! MAKE IT STOP! :headwall:

It's a pleasure to meet you my Lord" said Herenya

"Aŕ á lle. And to you/i]."

Atton: :huh: That made no sense.
Yvaine: And this surprises you?


Herenya felt someone's eyes on her.

Don John: *as Herenya* Get them off of me! *shrill screech*
Everyone Else: :blink:
Don John: :A


She looked to see who it was and

Yvaine: Then screamed and ran away from the PPC agent with the machete...
Atton: Who proceeded to catch the Sue, cut off its limbs, disembowel it, burn the pieces, and launch the ashes into outer space.


when shed did her breath caught. She is sure she has never seen anyone more handsome than the man in front of her.

All: TENSE CHANGE!

His gold hair looked like a halo with the sun shining through it.

Luthi: SQUEEE!! It’s Glorfindel!! :bounce:
Elrohir: I fear it is Movie!Legolas, Luthi.
Luthi: Awww…. :(


Hid light blue eyes seemed to penetrate hers looking straight into her soul.

Luthi: NOOOOO!!! *begins headwalling*
Elrohir: And there he found only darkness.


She internally shook her head

Atton: And, in the process, accidentally detached her brain from her spinal cord- resulting in her collapsing on the ground and being devoured by fire ants.

to get rid of her thoughts.

Atton: *as Herenya* What are these things in my brain? Get them out! Get them out!
Yvaine: The thoughts were more than happy to leave such unfamiliar territory.


"…Well if you follow us we will escort you to where they are having the council."

Evie: I thought it was supposed to be a secret council?
Elrohir: It was. Not only that, it was NOT planned ahead as this Suethor seems to think.


With that said Arwen led the elves to the council meeting.

Luthi: As they were unable to walk more than five steps on their own without getting lost.
Atton: Maybe they were drunk?


The council room wasn't much of a room. It was more like a garden.

Don John: Then why is it not referred to as the Council Garden?

The floor was made from stone and there was a semi-circle of chairs and three chairs separate- which were opposite the rest- surrounding a pedestal which is placed in the centre.

All: *sigh* TENSE CHANGE!!
Atton: Is anyone else confused by this description?
Luthi: Not me, but I’ve seen the movie.


Half of the room was bordered with walls and statures

Evie: I fail to see how something can be bordered with statures.

and the other half was bordered with trees.

Lord Elrond was sitting in one of the three chairs opposite the rest as well as one of his councillors -Erestor-

Luthi: That makes it sound like Erestor and Elrond are sharing a chair. Weird.
Atton: Let’s not even go there.


and a servant of Círdan from the grey havens.

Yvaine: :headwall: There are times when the shift key is your friend, Wolfie.
Elrohir: She doesn’t have any friends. Nobody likes her.


The rest of the races Men, the Elves of Mirkwood, the Dwarves, Frodo, Mithrandir, Aragorn and myself

Don John: Ah HA!!
Yvaine: Self-insert alert! Can we kill her now?
Rugan: *over loudspeaker* No. You still have at least twenty-five chapters to go.
Yvaine: Drat. <_<


were sitting opposite them.

Elrond stood, bringing everyone to attention

Luthi: All rise for the guitar of liberty and the Founding Fathers that rocked before us. Now thou shalt rock!
Atton: :facepalm:
Luthi: :A
Evie: What…?
Atton: YouTube.


and beginning the council.

"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old"

Atton: And now we get three pages of recycled movie dialogue. *sighs* Pazaak, anyone?
Yvaine: I’ll play.


his voice held nothing be seriousness

Luthi: *sings* Don’t worry! Be happy!
Evie: That did not exactly fit…
Luthi: *shrugs* Nothing in this story fits.[/b]

"You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-Earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate; this one doom."

Don John: It may be recycled movie dialogue, but the punctuation is still terrible.

He paused and looked toward Frodo

Elrohir: *as Elrond* Frodo, help! I have forgotten my lines!

"Bring forth the Ring, Frodo." He instructed.

The young Halfling looked at Gandalf –who was sitting next to him-.

Luthi: Oooh, look! Morse code! It says… “N”. :D
Atton: *deals cards* You first.
Yvaine: Six plus four is ten. Your turn.


Gandalf gave a reassuring smile to the young.

Evie: *bursts out laughing* Is anyone else picturing Gandalf running a daycare?
Luthi: I actually got this unaccountable mental image of Gandalf being followed around by ducklings. *shrugs*
Elrohir: :huh: You are weird.
Atton: Seven and five is twelve.


He then looked toward Herenya, –who was sitting next to Aragorn-

Elrohir: :rolleyes: Of course she was.

and she gave him the same reassuring smile as Gandalf did

Luthi: They must have been having a buy one, get one sale.
Yvaine: Eighteen and minus two is sixteen. You.


as well as a nod.
Frodo finally, yet hesitantly got up from his chair.

Evie: Because he was afraid Herenya would steal it from him.
Luthi: Why would she want to steal a chair next to Gandalf when she’s sitting by Aragorn?
Evie: Because it’s a whole eight seats or so closer to Leggie-Kins! :D
Elrohir: If you use that name again, I will tell Legolas you are Rosa Munroe’s cousin and send him after you.
Evie: :ph43r:
Atton: Minus one is twenty. I stand.


Herenya could see how nervous and scared he was, by just looking at his face and his small movements.

Evie: Bwah?
Luthi: My sentiments, exactly. *shrugs* I don’t speak Suethor.
Yvaine: Draw a plus three is nineteen. I stand, you win.


She felt for the young hobbit. To stand by people who are twice your size must be nerve racking

Luthi: *shrugs* I wouldn’t know.

but to stand in front of so many people, who you know are important

Yvaine: *pounces* My comma!
Elrohir: We must send it to the Society for the Protection of Punctuation and Parts of Speech. They will give it a good home.


must make him feel even smaller.

Luthi: *sings* When you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small…

Atton: Since when do you listen to Carrie Underwood?
Luthi: Blame my little brother. <_<


Frodo continued his hesitant walk to the pedestal and place the ring on the centre of in and walked back.

Luthi: *looks at checklist* Two misspelled words, several grammatical errors… *shakes her head* I quit.
Rugan: *over loudspeaker* You are not allowed to quit!
Luthi: Says who?
Rugan: Says me- or I’ll replace all the songs on your iPod with Taylor Swift songs!
Luthi: :blink: I’m staying.


Herenya notice on his way back he walked with more ease. It was as if the ring was adding extra weight than his normal.

Evie: Is it calling Frodo fat?
Elrohir: I think it’s calling the Ring fat.
Evie: I would be offended if I was the Ring.
Atton: Plus four is nineteen. I stand.


She thought this impossible so decided it was because he was less nervous.

Evie: Oooh, look! It’s trying to think!
Elrohir: *shakes head* And it is almost succeeding.
Yvaine: Minus one is twenty. I win.


"So it is true" said a man from the South.

"It is the doom of men and all races" said Herenya under her breath

Elrohir: As if she would know. *mutters something in Sindarin*
Evie: What was that?
Elrohir: Trust me, you don’t want to know.


but Aragorn still heard it.

Luthi: With his Super Ranger Ears(tm)! :D

A man with red hair

Luthi: Maedhros? :bounce:
Elrohir: Maedhros Feanorion is not a man. He is an Elf.
Luthi: I know that. <_<


and a short beard stood up.

Luthi: Not Maedhros. :(
Atton: The beard speedily grew tired and sat down again.


Herenya knew straight away this man would be trouble.

Yvaine: He possessed the ability to identify a Sue from three miles away.

He held a smile of overconfidence on his face.

Luthi: Why must all the Suethors turn Boromir into a jerk? :headwall:

Why would anyone in their right mind, smile in a time like this? It is just wrong.

Luthi: *sings* Because everybody’s got a laughing place, a laughing place, to go-ho-ho! Take a frown, turn it upside down, and you’ll find yours I know-ho-ho!
Evie: :blink: That was disturbing.
Luthi: I thought I was fairly on-key!
Evie: The singing was all right. The dance routine…
Luthi: :A
Atton: And what’s with the random bolding?


"In a dream," he started "I saw the eastern sky grow dark. But in the West a pale light lingered. A voice was crying: Your doom is near at hand."

Elrohir: Again- the borrowed movie dialogue is beginning to irritate me.
Luthi: Only just beginning? You’ve got more patience than I do.


People started to notice that this man was getting to close to the ring for his own good.

Evie: Would you mind defining “too close”- with two O’s, by the way- Wolfie? Or must we all use our imaginations?
Luthi: I’m thinking six and a half inches.
Elrohir: Three feet.
Don John: Five fathoms.
Yvaine: The square root of pi divided by the sum of the radius of the pedestal and the circumference of Herenya’s head. :D
All: :huh:


"Isildur's Bane is found" His voice started to trail of as a whisper so that you'd have to be an elf to her his mumblings clearly.

Luthi: I saw the movie. His mumblings were quite clear, and I’m not an Elf.
Elrohir: Suspension of disbelief?
Luthi: It’s impossible to suspend disbelief this much.


"Isildur's Bane" he repeated whilst reaching out for the ring.

"Boromir!" bellowed Lord Elrond making the human come out of his daze,

Atton: Your father has a long name, Elf-boy.
Elrohir: <_<


but too late to stop the ring from speaking.

Luthi: Break out the pink sparkly cotton!

Gandalf shot up out of his seat and started to speak the dark words that the Ring was also whispering. The sky darkened leaving the members of the different races in fear.

Yvaine: Why couldn’t she have just said “everyone”?
Don John: Because that would be far too simple and actually make sense.


"Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,"

All: :blink:
Elrohir: Can it be…?
Luthi: It used real Tolkien language! *beat* Figures that it’d only know Black Speech.


The evil in these words were torture for the elves even more so for Herenya.

Atton: That’s because it’s- everyone say it with me…
All: Speshul.


As she tried to keep a straight face,

Evie: Wasn’t it just criticizing Boromir for smiling? Hypocrite.

she began to feel the same pull in the back of her mind that she had in her dream, as well as a burning feeling of the evil that should not exist.

Elrohir: Maybe the burning pull will pull its brain out through the back of its head.
Atton: If the feeling of the evil that should not exist doesn’t fry said brain first…
Evie: I vote for both options. *beat* Wait a moment- what brain?
Atton: Good point.


"Ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.One Ring to bring them all and in the Darkness bind them." As the voice pf the ring died away Gandalf stopped the chanting and the sky returned to its natural blue.

Atton: It had dyed itself bright red for Halloween.

Herenya no longer in pain relax into her seat.

Elrohir: Sense. That sentence makes none.

When she focused her gaze to the two in the middle she saw just how terrified this, Boromir, was.

Yvaine: Ooh, two extra commas! *cuddles*

His heart beat had increased excessively and so had his breathing;

Evie: It can tell all this by looking at him from across the circle?
Elrohir: Perhaps it should go into medicine- if it wasn’t a Sue.
Atton: I was going to say army intelligence, but I’m afraid it’s disqualified for that.

though Herenya swore she could have seen a few beads of sweat on his brow. In fear the Man from the South sat back down into his chair.

Luthi: Excuse me? Did she just insult the South? That sorry little excuse for a Suethor is going down. :angry:
Evie: *solemnly* Do not anger the Southern belle.


"Never before has any voice uttered the words of that tongue here in Imladris!" stated Elrond, his hard

Luthi: :blink:
Atton: :rofl:
Yvaine: I am not even going to comment.


and held disappointment.

Gandalf –who still hadn't recover from the dark words he had spoken-

Yvaine: I think this Suethor has a grudge against the –ed suffix.
Luthi: Add that to her apparent hatred of the space bar, the shift key and any semblance of grammar, and it makes you wonder why she’s writing this drivel in the first place. Sounds like she hates the English language.


said that he wouldn't ask for forgiveness and the Black Speech of Mordor, may yet be heard in very corner of the west.

Yvaine: Another comma! :D
Atton: You’ve got quite a little comma family there.
Luthi: Was paraphrasing really necessary on that line? :facepalm:


"The Ring is altogether evil!" he finalised.

"No" whispered a voice.

Elrohir: *as voice* Not evil. So bright. So beautiful. Our Precious. We must takes it back from the nasssssty Bagginses, we must.
Atton: :blink: You are getting scary good at that.
Elrohir: I try.


Herenya looked to see who it was, only to find it was the same man who tried to take the Ting earlier

Luthi: I wonder what a Ting is. *Googles it* Oh- a Jamaican soft drink, apparently.
Evie: I’ve two questions. First of all, why is there a Jamaican soft drink in Middle-earth, and secondly, why does Boromir want it?
Atton: *shrugs* All questions must be submitted in writing between the hours of 12:00 and 2:00 on Wednesdays.
Evie: <_<


"It is a gift." He stood up once again and started to pace "A gift to the foes of Mordor. Why not use this Ring? Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor, kept the forces of Mordor at bay. By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe! Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him!" His voice was started to once again get overconfident.

Luthi: Stop making Boromir into a jerk! He was just intensely patriotic!

"You cannot wield it! None of us can." Everyone turned their attention to the ranger sitting next to Herenya "The One Ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master."

"And what would a ranger know of this matter?" Boromir asked his voice filled with arrogance.

Don John: *as Boromir’s voice, filled with arrogance* Why should I tell you, O lowly host body?

An elf from Mirkwood stood up at this, with anger clear in his eyes.

Evie: And happiness cloudy, and sadness opaque.

That's when Herenya noticed that it was the same Elf that she was staring at her earlier.

Elrohir: How do you stare someone at you?
Atton: That is a really good question. Maybe this Legolas is a robot, and Herenya controls him?
Elrohir: That is a possibility.


"This is no mere ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance."

"Aragorn?" Boromir's voice held disbelief and astonishment "This... is Isildur's heir?"

"And heir to the throne of Gondor." The blond haired elf finalised.

Evie: If I hear the word “finalized” one more time, I am going to get violent.
All: *edge away from the librarian*


There was a few seconds of silence, but within these few seconds, the thoughts of those who didn't know of Aragorn's heritage, were asking questions, twenty by the second.

Elrohir: So, a few seconds, times twenty per second…
Don John: Multiplied by the number of guests in attendance at the council…
Elrohir: What is that? Around, oh, sixteen hundred thoughts?
Atton: You have to allow for duplicates, though.
Elrohir: This is true…


"Havo dad, Legolas, sit down, Legolas." said Aragorn

"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king." Boromir's voice held nothing but spite as he returned to his seat.

Luthi: I think we can officially add MidnightWolf-94 to my blacklist of Boromir-haters.
Don John: And what happens to those on this list?
Luthi: You don’t want to know. My best friend is a Boromir fangirl…
Atton: Oh, Sith.


Gandalf ignored Boromir's last comment and changed the subject "Aragorn is right. We cannot use it."

Elrond stood up gaining once again everyone's attention "You have only one choice. The Ring must be destroyed." There was a second of silence before a red-haired dwarf stood

"Then what are we waiting for?" His voice was gruff as he grabbed his axe. Taking three strides he swung up his axe and brought it down on the pedestal and the ring. Only to be sent flying backwards.

All: SENTENCE FRAGMENT!!

Unbeknownst to the others, the Great Eye flashed in both Frodo's and Herenya's minds.

Atton: Because Herenya is speshul. :rolleyes:

Causing Frodo to jump in fear and Herenya to double over (in her seat) in pain.

All: SENTENCE FRAGMENT!!
Atton: Again!


Both Aragorn and Lord Elrond noticed this, but unknowing to them so did the Mirkwood Prince.

Elrohir: Hey, Legolas isn’t as dumb as we all thought he was!
Luthi: Legolas is dumb?
Elrohir: *beat* No. :D


As the Dwarf got up he gasped to disbelief.

Evie: *as Gimli* Oh, Disbelief, can you believe it?
Yvaine: *as Disbelief* Of course not. Why do you think my name is Disbelief?


There on the floor was his axe, but in many pieces scattered across the floor whilst the ring laid untouched.

"The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli son of Glóin, by any craft that we here possess." informed Elrond "The Ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came. One of you must do this"

Atton: *as Elrond* Because there is no Middle-earthly way I am going to.

There was a moment's silence. Everyone was looking around to see if anyone would stand up and say 'I will take it the Ring to Mordor' but no one did.

Evie: Don’t you just hate awkward moments like that?

"One does not simply walk into Mordor." Boromir stated in a serious tone "Its black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep. And the great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland;

Elrohir: Sauron would be highly insulted.
Evie: How can an eye be a wasteland, anyway?


Riddled with fire and ash and dust.

All: *sigh* SENTENCE FRAGMENT!

The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this."

Herenya had finally had enough of him, so she decided to speak up.

Elrohir: *as himself* Sit down and shut up, you little *begins ranting in Sindarin*
All: :blink:
*ten minutes later*
Elrohir: …and on top of all THAT, go kiss an Orc! *sinks back in his chair and nods*
All: *applaud*


"No! Maybe you could not get through Mordor with ten thousand men, for you could still be greatly out numbered. All it takes is maybe, just one or two people to disguise themselves and sneak through undetected."

Atton: If they had only sent one or two people, the Fellowship would have never made it past Moria.
Elrohir: *considers* Well, if they had sent Glorfindel and my grandmother, Lady Galadriel…
Luthi: It would have given rise to a whole new category of fanfics.
Elrohir: :blink:


"What would a she-elf –who has never seen battle-, know about something like that? It is folly to think that one, just one person, could even make it through Mordor!"

Atton: He’s got a very valid point. Several of them, in fact.
Luthi: I think I want to bake Boromir some cookies.


said Boromir wanting everyone to just forget what Herenya had said.

Elrohir: That is very thoughtful of Boromir. I wish he could make us forget her very existence.

"Have you heard nothing Elrond has said?" said Legolas, now standing up, with frustration in his voice. "The Ring must be destroyed!"

Yvaine: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?" argued Gimli

"What I we fail what then? What I Sauron takes back is his?" joined Boromir

Atton: :blink: Waitaminute. Boromir is Sauron?!
Evie: You have got to be kidding me. This is a whole new level of low.


"I will be dead before I see the ring in the hands of an Elf!" commented Gimli

With that the elves stood up and started to shout and the Dwarves and Men followed.

"No one trust an Elf" Herenya heard Gimli shout.

Luthi: Altered movie dialogue… :facepalm:
Elrohir: I do not know whether to laugh or be offended.
Atton: Be offended- always. Then laugh while torturing the Sue to death.


Gandalf then got

Elrohir: Got what, exactly?

and joined the argument

"Do you not understand that while we bicker amongst ourselves, Sauron's power grows? None can escape it! You'll all be destroyed!"

A few people stopped arguing and listened to Gandalf while others kept on arguing.

The only people left sitting were Elrond, Frodo, Aragorn and Herenya.

Atton: Herenya was only left sitting because someone, who shall remain nameless, left chewed gum on its chair. A lot of gum.

Herenya looked over to Frodo and saw him looking at the ring. Against her better judgment she took a glance at the ring and heard speaking again. "Ash Nazg Durbatulûk! Ash Nazg Gimbatul! Ash Nazg Gimbatul! Ash Nazg Gimbatul!"

The pain returned to Herenya and she placed her hands in her head. Aragorn having seen this placed his hand on her back and was about to

Yvaine: Shove it off the balcony.
Don John: Stab the Sue to death.
Atton: Snap its spine in two.


ask her, what was wrong, when a little voice caught their attention.

Evie: *as little voice* Become who you were born to be, Aragorn. Push the Sue off the balcony. You know you want to.

"I will take it! I will take it!" Herenya looked to see Frodo standing with the ring in hand and a face of courage.

Luthi: And ears of wisdom, shoulders of disappointment, a stomach of joy and a spleen of thankfulness.

The arguments had stopped, most because of surprise and some because the others had stopped.

Luthi: What. Ever.

"I will take the Ring to Mordor." Frodo continued "Though… I do not know the way"

Gandalf walked out of the crowed to stand in front of Frodo. "I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, as long as it is yours to bear" He then stood behind Frodo placing his hands on the Hobbit's shoulders.

Aragorn rose from his seat and kneeled in front of Frodo "If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will." He swore "You have my sword." He said

Elrohir: *as Aragorn* Give it back!

before standing behind the young Halfling.

"And you have my bow" joined Legolas.

"And my axe!" said Gimli as he grimly stood next to the elf he had insulted.

Atton: *as Gimli* After I embed it in the head of this pointy-eared Elvish princeling.
Luthi: Careful, there. You’ll make Daisy mad.


Herenya then stood up. "How can I protect you when you are no-where near me?" she questioned whilst walking over to Frodo.

Evie: Frodo immediately turned and fled. As everyone stared after him in confusion, Gimli and Boromir used this distraction to kill, dismember, gut and burn the Sue.
Don John: No one cared.


She kneeled down in front of him and held his forearms.

Elrohir: *as Frodo* It burns us, precious!

"I have already sworn to protect you. Don't think for one second that you can get rid of me that easily"

Atton: *as Frodo* Sith.
Elrohir: Frodo would not say that. Sith do not exist in our world.
Atton: Considering that this is a PG-rated sporking, I can’t say anything more emphatic.


She said with a smile and kissed his forehead, then getting up to stand next to Gandalf.

Yvaine: Who immediately whacked Herenya over the head with his staff, making the Sue topple over the edge of the balcony, roll down the hill, fall in the Bruinen and drown.
Don John: Once more, no one cared.


Boromir started walking up to the group and stopped five feet away from Frodo.

Atton: How the kriff does she know that?
Elrohir: Elladan measured.
Atton: Really?
Elrohir: No.


"You carry the fate of us all little one. If this is indeed the will of the Council, then Gondor will see it done."

"Heh!" someone shouted. A little figure jumped out from behind some bushes and stood at the side of Frodo "Mr. Frodo is ain't goin' anywhere without me!"

Luthi: The grammar! It burns us, precious!

Sam said crossing his arms.

No indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not." He might not have shown it in his face but amusement was is his voice.

Evie: :huh: Why is Sam referring to himself in the second person?
Elrohir: I think he has been taking lessons from Gollum.


"Wait! We are coming too!" Merry and Pippin then came rushing out from behind some pillars and came to stand on the other side of Frodo

Atton: *as Frodo* Get off my side! You two weigh a ton! I think I’ve cracked some ribs.

"You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!" stated Merry defiantly.

"Anyway you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission, quest... thing." Pippin said.

"Well that rules you out Pip." countered Merry. Herenya couldn't help but let a small smile slide on to her face.

Luthi: *as Herenya* Great! Next slide- frowning!

After a moment, Elrond spoke. "Ten companions... So be it! You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!" He said grandly

Elrohir: Adar would be close to a heart attack at this point.
Luthi: Apparently Wolfie does not support the Naturally Nine. Shame, shame.


"Great! Where are we going?" asked Pippin

It took all Herenya had not to start laughing then.

Don John: The effort was too great for Herenya’s meager soul. It fled the Sue’s body and descended straight to Hades, where it was tortured for eternity.

Pleaz tell me wat you think

Atton: Terrible, as usual.

I'll update as soon as I can

Evie: There is no hurry, I assure you.



The sporkers stood to their feet and looked around. “Well,” Yvaine remarked, “I suppose we might as well just settle in. That leak in the roof looked like it’ll take several days to fix.”

Luthi shrugged. “At least we have an unlimited supply of Mountain Dew, cheesecake and cherry danishes. I’m happy.”


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Jedi Master Luthien
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Future Egyptologist
It was nearly Christmas time in the Pit of Despair, and, in celebration, Count Rugan had decided to release his prisoners for two days- Christmas Eve and Christmas, to be exact. While the sporkers were ecstatic about this impending vacation, they were worried that there was a catch. Sure enough, as they were packing their things the day before Christmas Eve, in preparation for leaving, the Albino poked his head in.

“As much as I hate to interrupt-”

“Admit it, dude- you enjoy bothering us,” Luthi cut in, shoving a “Team Van Helsing” t-shirt into her suitcase and slamming said case shut.

The Albino grinned. “Yes, I do. As I was saying, you’re wanted in the sporking theatre. All of you. Now.” Rugan’s minion had to flatten himself against the wall to avoid the brick Don John threw in his direction.

Evie sighed. “I suppose we should go. The sooner we finish the chapter, the sooner we can leave.”

“She has a point,” Yvaine said, nodding. The others agreed, and five minutes later were situated in their usual seats in the theatre.

The loudspeaker crackled to life. “As your last sporking project, the Twilight-Shakespeare crossover, was discontinued, I have decided to merely give you another chapter of your old friend Herenya to spork,” came Count Rugan’s voice. Amidst the groans and complaints of the sporkers, the screen lit up. Atton got up and doused the lights as the beginning Author’s Note appeared on the screen.

I do not own Lord of the Rings
I only own Herenya
I'm dedicating this chap to Artemis-moongoddess89 for helping me out with my writers block and this chapter is her Idea.

Atton: Well, at least we know who to blame this time…
All: Curse you, Artemis-moongoddess89!!
Yvaine: It was all her Idea- with a capital I.


Wanted

Chapter 6


When Herenya had got back to her temporary room she was surprised to find that her original clothes were back

Luthi: *as clothes* Lucy! I’m home!

and were laid out on the bed.

She smiled to herself and got dressed into her white velvet tunic, grey pants and black pants.

Evie: Is there a reason it is wearing two pairs of pants?
Atton: Probably has four legs. *shrugs*
Luthi: Again with the Unicorn blood.


She picked up her sword and tied it to the belt at her waist.

Elrohir: That will make the sword rather difficult to detach if it needs it in a hurry…
Atton: Excellent. :evil:


Herenya was just about to make her way to the training grounds, when she was stopped by Lord Elrond entering her room.

Luthi: Please tell me we aren’t going to get Pervy!Elrond in this fic…
Elrohir: :blink: Um, what?!


"Herenya," He said in a serous voice.

Evie: A voice that produces serum? :huh:
Don John: Disgusting.


This can't be good she thought to herself.

Evie: As opposed to thinking to its pet spider.
Yvaine: It has a pet spider?
Evie: It would not surprise me.


"Quel re, Haruamin. Good day my Lord"

Elrohir: *screams and begins headwalling*
Don John: *shakes his head and passes the Dorwinion*


she greeted him with a bow

Evie: *as Herenya* I tied it myself.

"What is it you wish to speak to me about my Lord?" she questioned.

Elrohir: *as Elrond* We have discovered you are a Sue. DIE, SCUM, DIE!! *crazed laughter*

After a few seconds of silence Elrond sighed.

Yvaine: *as Elrond* I despise awkward silences.

"You should not go with the Fellowship" his voice stern and meaningful.

Luthi: Darn right! You tell it, Elrond!

"Mani? Mankoi? What? Why?"

Elrohir: *continues to headwall*
Don John: *pats his shoulder sympathetically*


Herenya almost shouted

"It's because of the connection you have with the ring."

Luthi: *as Elrond* You are its second cousin once removed’s roommate’s uncle’s next door neighbor!

Herenya was about to protest but Elrond stopped her. "Do not

Elrohir: *as Elrond* Do not speak to me, you foul creature of the dark.
Atton: Then Lord Elrond cut off the Sue’s head and sent its dead body with the Fellowship to feed to the Watcher. The End.


deny that you have not felt the rings power,

Evie: That was a double negative.
Yvaine: So… Elrond is telling the Sue to deny it has felt the Ring’s power? That’s Ring, with a capital R, by the way.


more so than the average elf. I saw it with my own eyes"

Atton: *as Obi-Wan Kenobi* Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.

he walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder

Elrohir: Do not touch it, Adar!

"You were in so much pain." He said

Luthi: *as Elrond* It was awesome.

his voice an almost whisper as his hand back to his side once again.

All: :huh: What?
Atton: Sense. This story makes none.
Luthi: We should make a demotivational poster. :D


Herenya couldn't say anything.

Luthi: The evil sea witch stole her voice and stored it in a seashell. :D
Atton: :facepalm: Herenya IS an evil sea witch. Er… land witch.


For she knew he was right;

Elrohir: Adar is always right.

even now she felt the ring's even when she wasn't anywhere near it and it was less active,

Luthi: Again, what?
Evie: I am afraid to ask.


but she determined to go on this mission. She wanted to be apart of destroying the ring.

Atton: *as narrator* She did not want to cause her beloved Sauron to despair. Wait, did I say that out loud?
Elrohir: :facepalm:
Yvaine: I am fairly certain that is supposed to say “a part,” not “apart.”
Evie: It is amazing how forgetting one space can completely change the meaning of a sentence.


She wanted to make sure that the Dark Lord is defeated and never returns.

All: TENSE CHANGE!!

She kept searching her mind for an excuse so she could go, until she finally came up with one.

Elrohir: *as Herenya* I can go because I said so!
Atton: *as Herenya* If you don’t let me go, I’m going to hold my breath until I turn purple!
Luthi: *as Herenya* Lyk, OMG!!11!!1! Im lyk, not the daugter of Galadri- what’s-her-face, Im sent lyk from the Valars or whateva! I is da CHOZEN 1 !!!11!1!!11!
All: :blink: :huh:
Yvaine: Warn us before you do that again.


"So you'd have me go against me word."

Luthi: Herenya is Irish now? :huh:

Elrond gave her a confused look

Atton: Much like the one Luthi just gave her.

"This morning I had already sworn to Frodo that would do what ever it takes to protect him and I keep my word Elrond."

Evie: Did Wolfie even read back through that sentence after she wrote it?
Yvaine: I highly doubt it. *shakes her head*


Herenya brushed passed Elrond

Don John: How discourteous.
Elrohir: Can you expect otherwise from a Sue?


and made her way to the door.

Luthi: Which slammed shut on the Sue’s toes.

"And what am I to tell your father if you get hurt or even killed?"

Don John: Tell Lord Celeborn the truth. He will be most pleased to be rid of it.

this gained the elleth's attention.

"That will not happen" she promised angrily,

Luthi: *as Elrond* Oh, yes it will!
Atton: And then Elrond pounced on the Sue and tore it to pieces with his bare hands. The End.


whilst storming out the door and went on her way to the training grounds.

All: TENSE CHANGE!


Bilbo had called Frodo in to his room. He wanted his nephew to have some of the tools

Evie: *as Bilbo* Here, Frodo, take my hammer and saw. You may need them.

he used on his journey to do with the dragon and the dwarves.

Atton: *deadpan* That sounds gripping.

On the table lay many things. There was a short sword in its sheath, a white shirt, a cape and a rucksack.

Luthi: It’s a Mary Poppins bag. Whatever you can think about, you can pull out.
Atton: Frodo should have thought about an airplane, then.
Luthi: But Middle-earth doesn’t have jet fuel.
Atton: Point.


"My old sword, Sting." The old hobbit said whilst picking up the short sword "Take it! Take it!" He told Frodo enthusiastically.

Atton: Five seconds later, Sting exploded, taking Frodo and the Ring with it.

Frodo took the blade from his uncle

Yvaine: Leaving Bilbo with the handle…

and carefully unsheathing it and it was a marvellous blade at that.

Evie: Wolfie’s terrible grammar strikes again. *shakes head*

It looked as if it had never been used before.

Atton: Or it’s just been well taken care of…

The handle of the blade was brown

Elrohir: Why not just say “the handle,” Suethor?
Don John: That would be logical- and therein lies the problem.
Elrohir: *beat* You answered. Are you a Suethor?
Don John: :facepalm:


and engraved into it was a vine like pattern. The blade also had some elfish inscriptions on it, which he did not understand

Atton: Neither do we.
Elrohir: That is because they are in elfish.


and made mental note to ask Herenya about it later.

Yvaine: Because, of course, the Sue knows everything. *rolls eyes*

One of the features that the younger Hobbit did notice was the wait of it.

Atton: The sword had a three second lag time.

"It's so light!" he commented in surprise.

"Yes, yes; it was made by the elves you see.

Evie: *as Frodo* But I don’t see any Elves…

The blade glows blue when Orcs are close.

Luthi: *as Bilbo* And urple when Sues draw near.
Elrohir: I think I‘d prefer the Sue detecting sword to the Orc detecting one, actually.
Luthi: Even better- it can kill the Sues and prevent them from resurrecting!
Elrohir: *beat* I‘ll take it. How much?
Luthi: You have any Maedhros Feanorions on you? :P
Elrohir: <_<


And it's times like that, my lad, when you have to be extra careful!" warned the hundred and eleven year old Hobbit.

Frodo stood admiring the blade whilst his uncle turned back to the table and picked up the white shirt. Upon seeing this Frodo sheathed Sting and placed it down on to the table.

Evie: This grammar… :facepalm:

"Here's a pretty thing… Mithril!

Atton: :huh: I thought mithril was silver.
Elrohir: It is. Apparently Wolfie is colorblind. Or, er, shade blind.


As light as a feather…and as hard as dragon scales!" it was a magnificent gift indeed. It was mad

Elrohir: Because it had been forced into a Mary-Sue story.
Luthi: What do you want to bet that someone will find Herenya a mithril shirt as well?


in the same design as a chain-mail

Elrohir: In other words, it was chain mail.

but at the collar there was Dwarfish design in gold

Luthi: I’m really starting to think our Suethor has a grudge against articles.

"Let me see you put it on. Come on"

Frodo was eager to wear this gift and started to unbutton his shirt, but if it were possible Bilbo looked even more eager than his nephew.

Atton: That wording is disturbing.

That was until he saw a flash of gold that was attached to a silver chain around the younger Halfling's neck; he automatically new this gold object having had it for sixty years.

Evie: If he had it for sixty years, it is not new.

His smile faltered and his face flickered between two different emotions; fear and happiness.

Atton: Someone should really get the reception fixed.

"Oh! M-my old Ring! Oh. I sh-sh-should very much like… to hold it again, one last time." he stuttered.
Frodo saw the internal struggle he was having

Luthi: Frodo has x-ray vision!

and decided to button up his shirt once again to keep it away from Bilbo.

Don John: *as Frodo* My shirt!
Atton: *as Bilbo* COTTON!! GIVE ME THE COTTON!
All: :huh:
Atton: :wasntme:


The old Hobbit realised this and would not accept it and lunged at Frodo with a snarl in an attempt to grab the ring. Bilbo's face was no longer of a welcoming man but of a possessed maniac.

Yvaine: Has Bilbo suddenly become a werewolf?
Atton: :blink: This isn’t another Twilight crossover, is it?
Count Rugan: *over the loudspeaker* No. Shut up and spork.
Atton: But in order to spork, I need to-
Count Rugan: Never mind.


His eyes became slits with a grey shadow around them. His white teeth were now yellow fangs that were imbedded in black gums.

Luthi: Bilbo’s a vampire?!
Atton: I thought he was a werewolf.
Luthi: I’m confused… :huh:
Yvaine: Does anyone else get the feeling this Suethor is merely putting the movie in badfic form, with the addition of her horrendous Sue?
All: *raise their hands*


Upon realising what he had done the old hobbit backed away. His face became once again the face of a jolly old man.

Luthi: Santa Hobbit! :D

Yet his emotion was far from it.

All: :huh:

The old hobbit coward

Elrohir: *indignantly* Bilbo was no coward!

way from his nephew his face held both shame and fear; fear for his nephew and what could have happened. He spoke to his nephew in a strained voice.

Atton: *as strained voice* Going through this colander is a bit disconcerting.

"I'm sorry I brought this upon you, my boy...I'm sorry that you must carry this burden" he sat on his bed and started to sob "I'm sorry for everything"

Despite what had just happened, Bilbo was still his uncle.

Atton: Wait, what? Bilbo is his own uncle? How is that even possible?
Luthi: I don’t know. I know it’s possible to be your own step-grandfather, but uncle…


He went over to him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder before pulling him into a hug.

Elrohir: The pronouns! They confuses us, precious!


After the encounter with his uncle he decided to go find Herenya. He did this for two reasons;

Atton: Reason Number One, he wanted to test Sting’s sharpness…
Don John: And the Hobbit also wished to rid Rivendell of a foul scourge upon its beauty.


one of them, because he was curious as to what the inscriptions said on Sting and another because he wanted to talk to someone who was not too cheery and not too serious.

Luthi: *as Goldilocks* This one is too cheery. This one is too serious. But this one is just right!

Since he didn't know which room was hers, he decided to look for her at the training grounds.

Elrohir: Because everyone in Imladris spends hours a day at these… “training grounds.” *rolls eyes*

When he got there saw that the black-haired elleth was practising her sword swings.

Luthi: Suddenly the Sue swung the blade wrong, and whacked off its own head, which Frodo kicked off a random cliff. There was much partying and rejoicing, and Sauron was so grateful he retired from Dark Lord-dom forever. The End.
Elrohir: :huh: Wow…


He sat down on the grass about ten feet away from her, waiting till she was finished to talk to her. After five minutes, Herenya sheathed her sword and faced Frodo

Atton: No comment.
Luthi: :facepalm: Thanks, Rand. Now I’ve got dodgy connotations in my head, too.
Atton: Always happy to help. :D


Herenya had known that he was already there, she was going to stop, but when he sat down, she decided to test his patience and carry on.

Yvaine: That was rude of Herenya.
Don John: And this surprises you?


"You have great patience young Mr. Frodo, you haven't moved since you sat down and you never even fidgeted." She said smiling at the hobbit.

Evie: *as Herenya* Congratulations, Frodo. You win a cookie!

She went and sat down next to the Halfling and let a moment of silence pass.

Luthi: *as Jack Sparrow* I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
All: *wave randomly*


"So what have you come to me for?" She asked with a smile still on her face.

Luthi: Well, the obvious answer to that question is, A, non canonical and, B, highly disturbing.
Atton: Not to mention really gross. An Elven!Sue and a Hobbit?


"I wanted to

Atton: *as Luke Skywalker* Learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi like my father before me.

know what the inscriptions say on my uncle's sword"

Atton: Again, no comment.
Luthi: I am seriously about to smack you.
Atton: :A How could you hit this face?


she was about to ask way didn't he ask Gandalf

Yvaine: :huh: At the risk of stating the obvious, that does not make any sense.

"and I wanted someone to talk to."

"Ok then

Yvaine: Not “ok,” O-K-A-Y. Spell it out, Wolfie.

let me see this sword" Herenya's voice was filled with enthusiasm.

Frodo with a small smile on his face unsheathed Sting and passed it to the she-elf.

Elrohir: *as Sting* Give up the She-Elf, Halfling.
Atton: *as Frodo* With pleasure. :D
Evie: At this moment, Sting plunged itself into the Sue’s stomach, tore out its entrails, and then did a dance over its dead body.
Elrohir: :huh:
Evie: Sting is very talented.


She examined it for a moment just as he had before.

"It says 'Maegnas is my name,

Atton: What does that mean, Elf-boy?
Elrohir: Sharp point, actually. I’m amazed it is not nonsense. *beat* It’s a quote, of course. That explains it.


I am the spider's bane'"

Luthi: Foreshadowing!

Frodo nodded in acknowledgment "It is a fine blade indeed… but I prefer mine." She said in a joking voice.

Elrohir: Frodo is a she now? :blink:

"May I see your sword?" Frodo asked shyly, thinking himself rude to ask such a question.

Luthi: :facepalm:
Atton: I didn’t say anything this time! *beat* Wait, I thought Herenya was female.
Elrohir: Did they pull a gender swap on us?


"Of course my friend"

She unsheathed her sword and carefully held in front of Frodo so he could see it. The handle was made from some sort of dark blue stone;

Evie: So this Sue is still in the Stone Age? How appropriate.
Yvaine: Of course it is! Haven‘t you noticed its manners?


the end of the handle was silver that fanned out. There were also inscriptions on it.

"What does it say?" Frodo queried.

"It says: 'Ai eis thaedys cali thar eil o shor cali air'."

Elrohir: :headwall:

She said smiling. She knew exactly what he meant, though she just wanted to jest.

Atton: This Sue is really starting to get on my nerves. *ignites lightsabers*
Count Rugan: *over loudspeaker* No weapons in the sporking theatre, Master Rand.
Atton: <_<


"What does it mean?" Frodo's voice filled with humour.

Evie: He saw the PPC agent sneaking up on Herenya with a shovel and a truckload of quick-dry concrete.

"It means: 'I am freedom; have faith and you will have it.'

All: :huh:
Elrohir: First of all, that is NOT the correct Elvish translation of that phrase. Secondly, no self-respecting Elven smith would engrave such nonsense into a sword he forged!
Atton: Maybe this smith was mentally ill.


My sword's name is Thaedys meaning Freedom."

Luthi: *as Frodo* Hello, Thaedys Meaning Freedom!
Atton: I must say, that is the stupidest name for a sword I’ve ever heard.


Herenya gave Frodo the sword to hold who took it with a questioning look.

Yvaine: That is exactly what we were wondering. Who took it with a questioning look?

Though to his surprise it was not as heavy as he thought it would have been. To him it was the same weight as the short swords that Aragorn gave them at Amon Sûl.

Elrohir: Am I the only one who is bored?
Don John: You are not. Trust me.


"It is also quite light; if you needed to use it in an emergency you would be able to lift it up. That that you would have to."

All: :huh:
Yvaine: Every time there is a sentence like that, I die a little inside.


She said the last comment whilst ruffling his hair.

All: THE HOBBITS ARE NOT CHILDREN!! :headwall:
Evie: Our apologies to the Caps Lock key.


Herenya her sword from the Halfling and once again started to talk.

Luthi: I don’t think it ever shuts up.

Though unbeknownst to them someone was watching them.

Elrohir: Sauron, naturally. He watches everything.
Luthi: Really? I was thinking Big Brother.



The Elf Prince of Mirkwood sat at the bank of the river in the gardens.

Elrohir: Poor Legolas. I pity him.

His thoughts were occupied with the image of one elleth.

Elrohir: Lúthien Tinúviel, the most beautiful creature to ever exist.
Luthi: Not to be confused with me. :lol:
Atton: Don‘t worry- no one would ever confuse the two of you.
Luthi: I‘d be offended if it wasn‘t so true.


Questions were running through his head

Evie: *as questions* I’ll race you across the hippocampus!

all to do with one dark-haired elleth.

Elrohir: Lúthien Tinúviel, the-
Atton: We get the point, Elf-boy.


Why had she alone come to Rivendell?

Evie: Because it knew Legolas would be there, and it had to see its one twu wuv.

Why hadn't she come with any escort?

Yvaine: Because that would have undermined its fearless warrior image.

Why had she volunteered to be part of the fellowship,

Luthi: In order to be closer to Legolas, and to give all true canon-lovers a heart attack.

didn't she know of the dangers that she may face?

Don John: This Sue is so dense, I doubt it knows anything.
Elrohir: I tend to agree.


"Mani rashwe lle mellonamin? What troubles you my friend" said a familiar voice.

Elrohir: *as familiar voice* Your inability to speak even the most basic Elvish phrases.

Legolas didn't have turn round to know that it was Aragorn, so he

Atton: Kept his slim figure.
Luthi: *eyes Atton* Unlike you’ve been doing, Rand. I think you’ve been eating too much popcorn.
Atton: Oh, and look who’s talking.
Luthi: <_<
Yvaine: Break it up, you two.
Luthi: I’m so signing you up for Xaja’s Star Wars spork. <_<


just kept staring at the river.

Luthi: *sings* And we go on and on, watching the river run…

"Kai. Nothing" The elf replied dully.

Don John: *as Legolas* I am merely caught in an appalling excuse for a fanfiction story.

Aragorn came and sat next to Legolas and looked at him. Legolas feeling Aragorn's gaze looked at him, his eyes pleading with him to mind his own business.

Evie: *as eyes* Mind your own business!
Yvaine: *as Aragorn* Who? Me?
Don John: *as Legolas* I believe they were addressing me.


"Want to try that again?" asked Aragorn raising an eyebrow.

Yvaine: Not really.

"Alright; I'm concerned that Herenya is going to be part of the fellowship." The elf admitted.

Elrohir: Good for you, mellon nin!

"Ah. Why don't we walk whilst talking about this" suggested Aragorn
"Ok" agreed the elf. After a few moments of silence the Aragorn began

Luthi: The one and only, Aragorn!
Elrohir: He was actually Aragorn II.
Luthi: There goes that idea.


"I don't see why you should be concerned about her safety; I mean, she

Evie: *as Aragorn* Is a Sue, after all…

would not have volunteered if she could not defend herself."

All: *roll eyes*

"I suppose you are right, but another question is, why is she here on her own?

Elrohir: Good question, mellon nin.

If she is the daughter of Lady Galadriel would she not have -at least- send an escort with her?"

Atton: A valid point.
Elrohir: It would appear that Legolas is the only character in this tale with even a micron of sense.


"I can see the logic in that point,

Yvaine: Confronted with logic, Dumb!Aragorn and the rest of the OOC characters in this travesty promptly exploded.

though if the Lady of the Wood thought it reasonable for her daughter to travel on her own, then we should not interfere.

Luthi: Considering what happened last time a daughter of Galadriel tried to travel between Lorien and Rivendell…
Elrohir: We do not speak of such things.


If the Lady had, I can also see why she would have done so.

All: *fall asleep*

Orcs are constantly trying to attach Lothlorién; therefore a party of more than two elves would attract attention, hence the reason why Herenya would come here on her own, for it would be partially for her own protection."

Atton: *snores*

"I guess so" the elf had given up on the matter.
"Don't worry Mellonamin

Elrohir: *twitches in his sleep*

I don't think you're the only one who has worries."

Count Rugan: *over the loudspeaker* OI! Wake up!
All: *sit up* :wasntme:


They walked on for another five minutes till Aragorn spotted Boromir in the shadow of a tree.

Evie: *as Aragorn* Let’s see. Mushroom, four-leaf clover, rake, toad, Boromir! I win the scavenger hunt!
Yvaine: *as Legolas* *pouts*


"I wonder what Boromir is doing;

Don John: Napping, most likely.

though it looks to me like he is spying."

Atton: On what? The tree?

"Who is there to spy on everyone here is trustworthy except maybe the Dwarves."

Yvaine: :headwall:
Evie: Commas are your friends, Wolfie.
Luthi: Actually, commas probably hate her. She’s going to be subjected to a punctuation mark revolt one of these days. *beat* There will be much rejoicing.


Legolas jested.

Legolas looked at Boromir and saw a lot of lust in his eyes.

Elrohir: :blink: :blink:
Atton: Please tell me this is not a slash fic.
Luthi: If it is, a certain six-fingered man is going to be introduced to Inigo Montoya a little earlier than is canon.


What could he possibly be looking at that would make him feel like that.

Elrohir: Lúthien Tinúviel-
Atton: Don‘t start that again.


The elf followed the man's gaze, only to finds it landing on the body of the fair elf maiden that he was just talking about.

Atton: *as Boromir’s gaze* Oh, kriff! Three feet short! Let me try it again.

"Tanya feuyaer saurá huan,

Evie: Who is Tanya, and why are they discussing her?

that disgusting, foul, dog"

Atton: Apparently Tanya is a dog. *shrugs*

he whispered harshly.

"Mani?" questioned Aragorn.

Elrohir: Estel has a dog named Mani? :huh:
Atton: Maybe he‘s related to Tanya. :D


He must have realised, because he let out an almost inaudible gasp.

Luthi: *as Aragorn* Mani and Tanya are related? Gasp!

Legolas did not acknowledge it though for had readied his bow, aimed, and shot and Boromir.

Evie: Boromir is now a verb?
Elrohir: Apparently so, and apparently it means “missed the target” or “smirked victoriously” or something similar.


The arrow hit the tree, just in front of the man's face. Boromir –in fear of being attacked- stumbled backwards

Atton: Because everyone knows bow-wielding Elves scream and run away if you stumble backward.
Luthi: It’s like Blogging Twilight- “Let’s all move sideways!”


and drew his sword.

"I suggest you leave now Boromir son of Denethor." said Aragorn, for Legolas was too outraged to say anything to this man. Boromir sheathed his sword and just walked away.

Atton: *as Boromir* Stupid, out-of-canon Ranger, protecting an embarrassment such as a Sue.

Herenya having heard this decided to leave.

Elrohir: And throw itself off a cliff?
Luthi: Don’t get your hopes up.


"Frodo do you want to see Midnight,

Don John: *as Frodo* Why, yes, I do!
Yvaine: *as Herenya* Then stay up all night. :D


I'm due to see him and the last time you saw him you were barely conscious?" she asked the Halfling wanting to get away from all the attention.

Atton: :huh: Why does Frodo want to get away from all the attention? It seems like everyone’s ignoring him.
Evie: Again, commas are your friends.


"I would love to." The hobbit smiled happily and quickly got up from his place on the ground.

Whilst heading to the stables they passed Legolas and Aragorn.

Don John: Legolas and Aragorn proceeded to kill, dismember and gut the Sue, while Frodo watched in awe.
Atton: After finishing this, they buried the Sue’s remains in a forty-three foot hole in the ground, filled the hole with concrete, and went on their merry ways.


Herenya kept her eyes trained

Evie: By doing exercises four times a day.

on the ground in front of her but when she felt Legolas' eyes on her she couldn't help but look up at him.

Atton: Somebody cue the cheesy romantic music?
*My Heart Will Go On plays*
Atton: I was joking!


Instantly their eyes met. As they did it was as if time had stopped and that they were the only two things that mattered.

Luthi: Barf bag, please!
Elrohir: I need one, too!


This marvellous sensation was ruined by a spring of pain elevating through out Herenya's body causing her to double over in pain.

Atton: Whoa… Legolas has mind powers now?
Luthi: More like Professor Xavier suddenly showed up. He could make Herenya’s head explode if he wanted to. :D
Yvaine: I like this idea…


During the pain an image flashed through her mind. Though it was only a second flash,

Evie: What happened to the first flash?

the image was imbedded into her mind.

Atton: Seared into its mind, actually- in the most painful and deadly of ways. :D

The image was of Legolas, but not in a friendly way.

Atton: He was standing over Herenya’s dead body, brandishing a crowbar.

His clothes were torn.

Luthi: Probably from chasing the abomination that is Herenya through a briar patch.

Blood was pouring out of cuts that were all over his body.

Evie: What is this? Attack of the Paper Cuts? :huh:

His hair was out of its neat braids and was mangled with blood on his face.

Don John: :huh:
Yvaine: Wait, Legolas has a beard?
Elrohir: He certainly does not.
Yvaine: Then he must braid his eyebrows. I can’t think of any other reason for there to be hair on his face.


He was kneeling with his arms bound behind his back. What disturbed her the most was that, standing in front of him was she in the same armour she had seen herself in, in her dream with smile that held nothing but pure evil.

Luthi: If I have to hear one more sentence like that, I think I’ll scream.
Atton: You can’t scream. Your voice isn’t high-pitched enough.
Luthi: *beat* You bring up a valid point.


Due to Legolas' quick reactions he was able to catch Herenya before she hit the ground.

Yvaine: He then recollected himself and quickly dropped the Sue…
Elrohir: Off a cliff and into the Bruinen.
Atton: Unfortunately for Herenya, said Sue missed the water and splattered on the rocks. There was much rejoicing. The End.


"Herenya are you alright?"

Elrohir: An Elf would never say “alright.”
Luthi: But you just did!
Elrohir: I was merely making a point!
Luthi: But you still said it!
Elrohir: :facepalm:


his voice was filled with both shock and worry.

Upon hearing his voice Herenya snapped her eyes open pushed Legolas back.

Evie: This Sue really does have problems with its manners.
Atton: As Jar-Jar Binks would say, “How wude!”


"Yes I'm fine,

Luthi: *as Legolas* Oh Valar, why do you hate me so?!
Elrohir: *beat* I do believe I can hear Sauron screaming the same thing.


I thank-you for catching me but now I must bid you farewell."

Atton: *as Legolas* YESSSS!! Free! Free! Smeagol is free!! :D
Others: :huh:
Atton: :wasntme:


She bowed respectfully to him the turned to the Halfling "Come on Frodo"

Don John: *as Frodo* Am I your dog, that you address me thus?

The young hobbit followed his Elven friend

Elrohir: Which would be Legolas…

leaving both Strider and the blonde elf

Elrohir: What blonde elf? Herenya is the only female creature there, and the Sue is neither an Elf nor blonde.
Luthi: I think she means “blond,” without the “e.”
Elrohir: Ah, then our Suethor is referring to the Prince of Mirkwood.
Atton: Who is probably sneaking up on Herenya right now with a very sharp knife.


with looks of shock on their faces.

Yvaine: I can’t say that I blame them.
Elrohir: *as Aragorn* Can you believe that something so vile has infiltrated Imladris?
Atton: *as Legolas* Can I kill it?
Elrohir: *as Aragorn* Yes.


Frodo couldn't help but feel guilty -even though she might not admit it to him- he could tell that her being in pain was somehow connected to the ring that he bore.

Luthi: *raises an eyebrow* And this is Frodo’s fault how?
Atton: Logic, Luthi, logic. It doesn’t exist, remember?
Luthi: Oh… right.



Thanx 4 reading pleas review and I'll update as soon as I can

Evie: If everyone said the same thing in their reviews that we would like to, you would never update again.
Atton: Can we put together a flaming party?
Luthi: Considering that this story has over three hundred reviews and they’re all positive, YES!


A picture of Herenya's sword is on my profile

Atton: And now she’s turning into Angey. *shakes head*

-darkangel1994-

Evie: I see this chapter was written before the name change. Is there any hope they get better afterward?
Yvaine: I don‘t believe there is, unfortunately.


The screen shut back off, momentarily leaving the sporkers in the dark as Atton fumbled around for the light switch. As soon as the lights were back on, everyone jumped up and headed out of the theatre to finish their packing.

The next morning, six figures exited the Pit of Despair, and were promptly teleported to their respective homes to spend the Christmas holidays.


Review here, please!
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Jedi Master Luthien
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Future Egyptologist
Scene: The Pit of Despair Sporking Theatre.

Atton, Don John, Elrohir, Evie, Luthi and Yvaine enter.

Atton: Is this Herenya again?
Evie: Considering that we finished up the Twilight/Shakespeare crossover, I think so.
Yvaine: I think our Shakespearean friend is still going through therapy for that.
Don John: You never spoke truer words, my lady.
Elrohir: At least you weren’t in the story…
Atton: Well, you aren’t in this one, Elf-boy. *looks at the synopsis* Wolfie’s changed her name again?!
Elrohir: Apparently she got a few flames on the story and thought that a penname change would confuse her flamers. She’s now known as MasonJ.
Luthi: Can we please get on with the sporking, people?
Count Rugan: *over loudspeaker* Excellent notion. Please take your seats.
*Everyone finds their seats as the screen lights up*

I don't own lord of the rings
I own Herenya

Atton: As we have been told more times than we care to count at this point.

Wanted

Chapter 7

Evie: So what is this- a placeholder?


The Halfling looked up at new found friend, she was grooming her midnight-black

Luthi: Coat. It’s the bear blood again.

stallion till its coat shined like the moonlight reflecting off wet grass.

Elrohir: These terrible similes destroy our brain cells like sport utility vehicles running over zombies.
Atton: You know about zombies… how?
Elrohir: Luthi made me watch Zombieland.


He admitted to himself that he was very fond of her.

Atton: Especially with a good helping of fried potatoes and some ketchup on the side.

Her voice could be harsh cruel and cold

Luthi: Why am I suddenly thinking this Halfling has a case of Stockholm Syndrome or something?

and it can also hold the so much love and compassion.

Yvaine: The grammar! It is just… there are no words. *sighs*

Though the earlier events from only half and hour ago could still penetrate through the content moment he was sharing with her.

Yvaine: *head chairs*

"Herenya are you sure you're alright" he asked for the tenth time.

Don John: He was confident that he would soon succeed in driving the Sue out of whatever remained of its wits.

Herenya laughed humourlessly under her breath at his concern for her, for she didn't need it, she didn't want it.

Luthi: We don’t want it, precious! Take it away from us!
Atton: It’s not concern. He’s hoping for a “no” answer every time.


"Oh Frodo" she sighed.

Atton: *snickers*
Luthi: :facepalm:


There's no point hiding it anymore he is too wise not to know that something is wrong.

"Frodo, I thank-you for caring about me but…" she sighed "I'm just going to have to tell you the truth."

Elrohir: *as Herenya* I’m in love with-
Atton: Sauron.
Yvaine: Bilbo.
Don John: Lord Elrond.
Evie: Saruman.
Luthi: Lurtz.
Elrohir: :blink: I was going to say Boromir…


the Halfling her, a look of confusion.

All: *look of confusion*

"Frodo" she began and sat down on a bundle of straw and patted next to her for him to do the same.

Evie: Instead, the Hobbit lit the straw on fire and cackled manically as it burned the Sue to death.

"Frodo the truth is… what you saw today, may only get worse."

All: YAY!!

"I don't understand." He said still confused

Atton: *as Frodo* How can anything be worse than you already are?

"I don't know how to tell you this without it sounding like I work for the enemy."

Elrohir: *as Herenya* …but I work for the enemy.

"It's alright, I know you do not work for him, otherwise you wouldn't have sworn to protect me."

Elrohir: Actually, that would have been a very effective way of gaining Frodo’s trust, thus giving Herenya closer access to the Ring. If Herenya wasn’t a Sue, that is.
Atton: Once again, Elf-boy, you’re assuming Sues know how to use logic.


"Thank-you, you very understanding"

Don John: *as Frodo* And you very stupid. Me kill you now.

she paused "I…have this…connection –if you will- with him

Atton: He’s my second cousin once removed on my mother’s side, and he was my father’s cousin’s neighbor’s nephew’s roommate’s best friend in second grade.

and he shows me things through the ring.

Elrohir: *as Herenya* I can never see them very well, as this results in a very limited field of vision.

You, Gandalf and Lord Elrond are the only one's that know of this."

Yvaine: That poor, innocent apostrophe…

Frodo eyes were trained on the stack of straws they were sitting on,

Luthi: And the Pippin eyes were trained in the backyard. *beat* Shouldn’t they be using those straws to, I don’t know, drink out of?
Atton: That would be more logical than using them as a stool.
Evie: And then the stack of straws collapsed, causing the Sue to fall over backward and break its neck. The end.


whilst he was taking in this new information.

Atton: She makes Frodo sound like a droid.
Luthi: Open mouth. Insert memory card.


"When did this start" his voice was filled with fear and shock.

Elrohir: He saw the PPC agent behind Herenya, who was dressed as a clown. Frodo hates clowns.

"The first night we came" Herenya confessed.

Luthi: *hits Atton*
Atton: OW! What did I do?!
Luthi: Nothing yet, but after spending fourteen straight hours playing Apples to Apples with a group of college guys, I’ve learned to spot dirty jokes before they happen.
Atton: *mutters under his breath* <_<


Upon hearing the emotion in his voice she lost almost all hope on retaining the friendship she had with the ring bearer.

Evie: Friendship? They have a friendship? :huh:
Luthi: *sings* It’s friendship! Friendship! Just the perfect blend-ship!


"And what exactly have you seen?"

Don John: *as Frodo* O, woe is me t’ have seen what I have seen, see what I see!
Luthi: Wrong play, Shakespeare-boy.


She gave a sigh knowing she couldn't tell a lie to him.

Evie: Because her nose would begin to grow, like Pinocchio’s, and she would no longer be speshul.
Atton: Hey! That‘s my word!


"I've seen what would happen if we fail and what would happen to Legolas if we fail."

Yvaine: *sighs and picks up the phone* Hello, Department of Redundancies Department?

She heard Frodo make an almost silent gasp

Evie: Because if it had been completely silent, she would not have heard it.
Atton: She might have. She’s-
All: Speshul! We know!
Atton: :wasntme:


"That is another reason I have joined the fellowship,

Yvaine: Capital F…

to make sure it never happens."

Elrohir: With you along, Sue, the chances of failure increased by a factor of eighteen.

"But when the ring shows you things, does it hurt."

Yvaine: Shouldn’t there be a question mark at the end of that sentence?

It was more of a statement than a question,

Atton: *to Yvaine* Apparently not.

for he already knew the answer.

Luthi: Psychic!Frodo?
Elrohir: That is a new one.


Frodo looked up at Herenya his eyes were starting to show a lot of sympathy for her.

Evie: His mouth, nose and ears, however, were poised for attack.

"Yes" was her answer.

Atton: Didn’t see THAT one coming, now, did you?

Suddenly anger started to show through Frodo's eyes. He

Elrohir: Let out a cry of rage and flew at the Sue, tearing out its hair and clawing at its face…
Don John: Which actions resulted in the unnatural creature falling over backward into a pool of acid.
Atton: The acid slowly ate away at the Sue’s body, while Frodo ate popcorn and watched.
Luthi: Eventually nothing was left of Herenya but a pile of urple sparkles. Frodo was hailed as the great deliverer of Middle-earth, and a huge party was thrown in his honor.
Yvaine: Even Sauron attended, grateful for being rescued from such a pretentious idiot.
Evie: And they all lived happily ever after. The end.


stood up from the stack of straw and turned to Herenya.

Atton: That’s it?! I feel so let down.

"The way are coming with us?

Elrohir: *as Frodo* It is bad enough that you are violating canon by coming with us- now the Way are coming, too?

It's obviously causing you pain to stay close to the ring for long time."

Luthi: *giggles*
Atton: :huh:
Luthi: I have the sudden urge to leap on Herenya and tear her limb from limb, before feeding the pieces to a pack of hungry mutant piranhas. *giggles again*
Atton: I’ve felt like that since Chapter 1.
Yvaine: I haven‘t. I’d feel too sorry for the piranhas.


He almost shouted at her.

Elrohir: He should have shouted at it.

"Because Frodo" she said in a stern voice "I swore to protect you in any way I can

Don John: The logical thing for the Sue to do, then, is jump off the nearest cliff.

and like I said before, 'how can I do that with you so fart away from me'

Luthi: :facepalm: Oh, dear Valar.
Atton: *grins* I don‘t even need to say anything.


and I intend on keeping my word, Master Baggins."

"I don't want you to get hurt on my account." He said his voice soft

Luthi: *as Frodo* Because I am not paying for your medical bills.

"Frodo we" she said pointing to herself and him

Yvaine: Because Frodo does not know the meaning of the pronoun “we.”

"are in this together. We both have a connection with the ring and we both want it destroyed and a bonus is that we are friends."

Luthi: I have the sudden urge to sing the Vulture Song from Jungle Book.
Atton: You sing enough already.


Frodo just looked down and nodded.

Atton: At this cue, a giant man-eating worm burst from the ground and devoured Herenya in one gulp.
Luthi: This is Imladris, Rand, not Blenjeel.


Not sure on what to do she decided that she will take him out for a ride.

All: TENSE CHANGE!

"Come mellonamin,

Elrohir: *twitches*

no speaking of the things that are yet to come. It takes the fun from now.

Luthi: *as Edna Mode* It distracts from “the now.”

So I think we should go for a ride, don't you?"

Atton: Isn’t that a thing that is yet to come?
Evie: You’re using logic again.


Herenya said smiling.

Frodo looked at her and couldn't help but let a small smile come on his face, as

Evie: A PPC agent snuck up behind the Sue and bashed its brains out with an iron skillet.
Luthi: HUBERT! :D


Herenya lifted him on to midnight

Evie: As opposed to noonday, or early morning, or twilight, or-
Luthi: GAH! Do not speak of Twilight!


and he readied himself for probably the only ride he will ride in a long time.

Luthi: It sounds like he’s at a very small amusement park.

The rest of the week went by in a flash.

Atton: And a bang.

Herenya kept herself isolated from most of the group especially Legolas,

Elrohir: Much to the Prince of Mirkwood’s relief.

she was scared that she would get another vision, so avoided him as much she could.

Evie: Are these visions contagious or something?


The day finally came when the fellowship

Yvaine: Capital F.

had to leave Imladris.

Evie: Lord Elrond was beside himself with joy, and Glorfindel drank himself into a stupor.
Elrohir: I would like to see that happen, actually.


Herenya was wearing a light green, short sleeved tunic, grey-brown pants and brown knee length boots.

Atton: I once squished a fly and the splatter it made looked like France.
Luthi: And we care because…?
Atton: Exactly my sentiments about this drivel.


She had a belt going around her waist

Don John: The waist is generally where belts are located.

which held her quiver,

Elrohir: Are quivers not generally worn on the back?

her bow and her sword. She also wore a dark green cloak, with two shoulder guards and black-grey arm guards.

Atton: *as shoulder guards* We must protect the Sue’s shoulders from all intruders!
Luthi: *as arm guards* Look out! Sensible statement at twelve o’clock!


She had sent Midnight home just before dawn not wanting to risk his safety on their journey to Mordor.

Yvaine: So, instead, she turns her horse loose in Middle-earth? Brilliant. :facepalm:
Elrohir: I think it is supposed to make Midnight sound better than Bill the Pony. ‘Tis failing.


Now she stood in front of Elrond,

Luthi: Hasn’t she been taught not to upstage people?

by his members of his council, his sons and daughter,

Elrohir: Hey! I exist!
Atton: Are you sure you want to?
Elrohir: …Good point.


guards and servants and of coarse Bilbo–

Evie: Not to be confused with fine-ground Bilbo, of course…

not wanting to miss his nephew's farewell-

Luthi: I suddenly have Hawaiian music playing in my head.

with the rest of the fellowship, waiting for a certain Hobbit.

Elrohir: Fatty Bolger.
Atton: Somehow I doubt MasonJ even knows who that is.


"The Ring-bearer is setting out on the Quest of Mount Doom." Elrond started "On you who travel with him no oath nor bond is laid, to go further than you will.

*alarm goes off*
All: *cover their ears*
Evie: What is that?!
Count Rugan: *over loudspeaker* That is our new Plagiarism Alarm(tm). I do hope you like it…


Farewell. Hold to your purpose. May the blessings of Elves and Men and all free folk go with you."

*Plagiarism Alarm(tm) continues to go off*
Elrohir: Make it stop!


Elrond placed his arms out

Don John: *as Elrond* You have my sword. Or my arms- whichever you would prefer.

toward the fellowship

Yvaine: Capital F.

as Herenya, Aragorn and Legolas place a hand across their hearts and bowed their heads.

All: TENSE CHANGE!!

"The Fellowship awaits the Ring-bearer." Gandalf informed

*Plagiarism Alarm(tm) goes off again*
Luthi: Didn’t see THAT one coming, did you?


Frodo then came and everyone turned to him –Gandalf and Herenya giving him a reassuring smile-

Atton: Wait- so Gandalf and Herenya share a face now?
Evie: It’s slowly absorbing the true Fellowship into itself.


waiting for him to join so the could depart.

Luthi: Frodo has joined the party.

On their way through the gates Frodo –who was walking next to Gandalf- whispered "Mordor, Gandalf, is it left or right?"

*Plagiarism Alarm(tm) goes off yet again*
Atton: That is getting old.


"Left" The wizard answered and so they began their journey to Mordor.

Don John: And so we continue our slow descent into madness.

After nine days of travel they finally reached Hollin

Luthi: *double takes* She actually knows where that is?
Atton: Correct me if I‘m wrong here, but wasn‘t it actually more like two weeks?
Elrohir: You are nitpicking, Rand.
Atton: I can‘t help it.


and it was decided to rest and plan to discuss next area of travel.

Yvaine: It is trying so hard to make sense, and failing so badly…

Boromir was teaching Merry and Pippin the basics of sword fighting while Aragorn observed whilst smoking his pipe. Sam had been cooking some food and was now sitting with Frodo who was also observing the twosome.

Elrohir: Last I looked, three people did not constitute a twosome.
Atton: Maybe she’s counting each of the Hobbits as a half?


Gandalf was sitting at the highest rock smoking his pipe whilst thinking of the next route they were to travel. Gimli was also doing the same but he was sitting on lower rocks.

Atton: *deadpan* The gripping action is more than I can stand.

Herenya and Legolas were looking out for danger.

Luthi: And the Sue is with the poor Elf. Why doesn’t this surprise me?

Herenya was observing the surroundings closest to the hobbits

Elrohir: Because the Hobbits are evidently blind and can not see their surroundings themselves…

when Sam came up to her.

Luthi: A Sue-showdown of epic proportions ensued, with Sam and Herenya pounding the living daylights out of each other, and finally falling off a cliff into the middle of an Orc camp.
Elrohir: The Orcs then proceeded to eat them for breakfast. Literally.


"Would you like some food Herenya?" He asked

Luthi: Oh. That Sam. Poor Hobbit…

holding out a plate of sausages bacon and eggs.

"Sam you know I don't have to eat as often as you, but since you are offering and it's you who's cooked it I'll just have the smallest sausage."

Atton: Maybe Herenya is a sparklepire and is taking the sausage only to disguise her thirst for blood! :D
Others: :huh:
Atton: Poison Hath Been Thou’s Timeless End got to me.


She said smiling whilst taking the smallest sausage on the plate and jumped

All: TENSE CHANGE!

onto the higher rocks to getter vie of the horizon.

All: :huh:
Atton: What the kriff does that mean?
Luthi: I Googled it, and the only thing that came up was a German website that failed at translating itself into English.


"We must hold this course west of the Misty Mountains for forty days." Gandalf said getting the elleth's attention "If our luck holds, the Gap of Rohan will still be open to us.

*Plagiarism Alarm (tm) sounds again*
Elrohir: I think I will be deaf at the end of this session.
Atton: What? Speak up!


From there our road turns east to Mordor." Herenya nodded in agreement and continued looking at the horizon -more like glaring at it.

Evie: What did the horizon ever do to her?

"Move your feet" came Aragorn's voice startling the she-elf.

Herenya turned to look

Yvaine: The Sue disregarded Aragorn’s instructions to move its feet…
Atton: Which were promptly cut off by a sentient ninja chainsaw.


at the twosome sparing with Boromir.

Elrohir: Evidently they are sparing the Sue, as it is not dead yet.

"You look good Pippin." Merry complimented.

"Thanks"

Evie: *as Pippin* Do you think Diamond will go to the prom with me now?

Boromir saw Herenya watching and tried to impress her and with a boastful smirk he told to Pippin to do the same but faster.

Atton: *as a confused Pippin* Wait, I’m supposed to impress the Sue faster than you do?
Luthi: *as Boromir* Yes! If we cover her with clay, we’ll get a good impression- and it’ll suffocate to death!


Herenya just rolled her eyes at his mild attempt to impress

Luthi: He didn’t have enough clay.

though she thought it funny.

"If anyone was to ask for my opinion," Herenya heard the Dwarf boast
Elrohir: How is that boasting?
Yvaine: *as nature guide* Here we see another case of Thesaurus Misuse, common in Suethorus Tenthwalkerus. Other species that commonly exhibit TM are Suethorus GirlinMiddleearthus and Suethorus Elrondsdaughterus.
Atton: And don’t forget the ever-popular Suethorus ShesnotaSueus…


"which I note they're not, I'd say we were taking the long way round."

*Plagiarism Alarm (tm) sounds yet again*
Atton: *covers his ears* Can I fry that thing?!


Stupid Dwarf always thinking they know better and are never show the least bit of modesty.

Evie: *as Gimli* Stupid Sues, always thinking they know better, and never showing the least bit of modesty or grammar and punctuation.


Thought Herenya

Elrohir: It thought!
Atton: No, it just thought it thought.
Elrohir: But that would still mean that it thought…
Atton: …Whatever.


"Gandalf, we could pass through the Mines of Moria. My cousin, Balin, would give us a royal welcome."

"No Gimli," he snapped "I would not take the road through Moria unless I had no other choice"

*Plagiarism Alarm(tm) continues to go off*
Yvaine: This is getting very old, very fast.


Herenya felt something amiss to the south

Luthi: Dale Junior probably just crashed out of a NASCAR race.

and jumped onto the rocks pointing in that direction.

Yvaine: Am I the only one picturing an outcropping of rocks shaped like an arrow? No? Good.

What she saw was little black objects in the sky.

Luthi: UFOs!
Yvaine: Flies!
Atton: Laser-guided missiles!
Elrohir: Arrows aimed at the Sue’s head!
Don John: Chunks of dirt to mar Herenya’s appearance!
Evie: Undead bird mummies!
All: *look at Evie*
Atton: Cooooool…


Knowing that it was defiantly no kind of cloud,

Yvaine: Not passively, or obediently, or compliantly- defiantly.

she started to go through the different types of birds in her head until she came to one that matched.

Luthi: I knew Herenya was a birdbrain! :lol:

"Legolas tula sinome come here" she called,

Elrohir: *twitches*

once next to her she asked

Evie: Is she calling Legolas female?
Don John: It does appear that way.


"Tanya mani amin ta? Is that what I think it is?"

Elrohir: *twitches again and mutters under his breath*

whilst nodding her head in the direction of the black things.

Luthi: Oh, great- a Bobblehead!Sue. What’s next? Pez!Dispenser!Sue?
Atton: No- the toy you get in a cereal box.
Evie: I wouldn‘t touch that cereal with a ten-foot pole.


In the background she could here that the others had noticed the anomaly;

Luthi: *grabs the dictionary* Hey, she actually used that word right!
Don John: Even a broken clock is accurate twice a day.
Atton: Not if it‘s one of those blinking digital ones…


though Legolas confirmed her suspicions.

"Crebain from Dunland!" he shouted.

"Hide!" Aragorn also shouted.

Everything happened in a blear;

Don John: A… what?

they were all gathering their things as quick as possible, but Herenya was focused on getting Frodo to a hiding place.

Atton: Wait- is Herenya going after Frodo now?

Whilst running to him Herenya whisper-shouted

Evie: That is an oxymoron if I ever heard one.

"Frodo! Hurry!" Once she got to him she pulled him to the floor and pushed him against a rock

Atton: Oh, really? :sly:
Luthi: :facepalm: Really, now, Rand- must you?
Atton: I’m trapped in a sporking theatre with a million-year-old shiny woman…
Yvaine: Um..
Atton: …a half-crazy Egyptologist…
Evie: I beg your pardon?
Atton: …a guy who speaks like he’s from five hundred years ago…
Don John: Perhaps because I am?
Atton: …and an insane fangirl. Give me a break.
Elrohir: What about me?
Atton: You’re actually fairly normal.
Luthi: Coming from the former Sith Assassin turned smuggler turned Jedi, I’m not sure that’s a compliment.


keeping him out of sight.

While this all happened, the ring had was able to come out from behind his shirt

Elrohir: I was not aware that the Ring dressed in menswear.

and was in clear view to Herenya. The elleth just stared at it internally battling herself not to take it.

Luthi: I’ve got a mental image of someone waving a shiny object and Herenya staring at it.

"Frodo put it away, quick" finally being able to speak though her breath was shaky from her internal struggle. Frodo panicky tucked the ring back behind the shirt she the elf could no longer see it.

Atton: And he the Jedi is about to go ballistic. :headwall:
Luthi: :huh: Wow. I think it might‘ve broken him. Not even Darth Revan could do that.


Letting out at sigh she looked up at Frodo "Come let's get up off the floor, it's not exactly comfortable"

Atton: *stops headwalling* I wonder where she wants to move this to?
Don John: Considering that they are in the middle of the wilderness…
Luthi: You’ve corrupted the Elizabethan villain! Shakespeare is probably rolling in his grave!
Don John: I beg pardon, but have you read the comedy I hail from?
Luthi: …Good point.


she commented trying to lighten the mood.

"Spies of Saruman! The passage South is being watched.

Luthi: They’d better not bring that sparkly, urple piece of trash to my area of the country, anyway. <_<

We must take the Pass of Caradhras" he announced while people were coming out of the hiding spots.

Evie: What is this- hide and go seek?

The higher they walked the more snow they had to walk through.

Elrohir: *deadpan* No. The higher they walked, the warmer it got. By the time they reached the top, they could bake bread without an oven.

"How do you fair, my child?" came Gandalf's voice.

She looked up to the wizard in front of her.

Luthi: Wait- who looked up?
Atton: Considering Herenya is the only thing along that even claims to be female…
Elrohir: Unless there was something about Bill the Pony that we didn’t know.


"I am fine my friend, it doesn't bother me too much

Elrohir: *as Legolas* Well, it is bothering me. Can we please shove it off the edge of the mountain? Oh, wait, you meant the Ring?

and it was shown its power to me since we were in Rivendell."

Yvaine: *shakes her head* It still makes no sense.

"Then what troubles you?"

"I feel as if something is going to happen something bad and soon"

Luthi: Really? ‘Cause I feel like I’m going to fall asleep.

Herenya's elven hearing picked up the sound of someone falling; looking back she saw that it was Frodo.

Luthi: *falls asleep*
Atton: *pokes her with a straw*


"Frodo" she and Aragorn called out in unison.

Evie: Awww, they’re twinkies!

Aragorn helped Frodo stand up and Herenya was relieved to see he was alright.

Atton: Aragorn or Frodo?
Elrohir: Legolas. With a Sue, always Legolas.
Yvaine: *also falls asleep*


When he started searching himself it took only a moment for her to realize that he did not have the ring:

Atton: Wait, what? :huh:
Don John: We have asked that question entirely too much during the course of this chapter.


and there in between Herenya and Frodo the ring lay, but before they could get it some picked it up first.

Evie: *shakes her head* There… are no words. Literally- they’re fleeing this story in terror.

Herenya looked up to see that Boromir had hold of the ring and was marvelling at it.

Atton: Talk about archaic word choice. *beat* No offense, Shakespeare-boy.
Don John: None taken, else I would be challenging you to a duel.
Luthi: *wakes up* Hey! No duelling except between the hours of 10 and 2 Wednesdays- and then only by special Congressional decree.
Others: :huh:


"Boromir" Aragorn spoke softly to him, but the foolish man kept hold of it.

Luthi: *sings* The foolish man built his house upon the sand,
The foolish man built his house upon the sand.
The foolish man built his house upon the sand,
And the rains came a-tumbling down!

Atton: Do you have a song for every occasion?
Luthi: Pretty much, yeah. *beat* Except my own funeral.


"It is a strange fate we should suffer so much fear and doubt…over so small a thing. Such a little thing" The Gondorian man mumbled

*Plagiarism Alarm (tm) goes off again, before choking and dying*
Count Rugan: That will take weeks to repair! *grumbles*


"Boromir!" snapped Aragorn bringing the man out of his trance. "Give the ring to Frodo" he ordered.

Atton: While you’re ordering, Aragorn, I’ll have a large juma juice to go.

"As you wish…" Boromir said

Luthi: :o It’s the Dread Pirate Roberts! He’s here for our SOULS! *hides under her chair*
Evie: :huh:
Elrohir: I think she’s finally snapped.


whilst walking toward the Halfling in a somewhat cheerful voice

Elrohir: How does one walk in a tone of voice?
Don John: I’ve no idea. Perhaps in the same way one can whisper-shout.


and held the ring out to Frodo; which snatched away from him.

Atton: Apparently Frodo is not even worthy of a pronoun.

"I care not" continued the red-haired man

Luthi: *pokes her head out from under the chair with a hopeful expression* Maedhros?
Elrohir: Man, Luthi- not Elf.
Luthi: Drat. <_<


ruffling Frodo's hair as he walked away.

Herenya waited for Frodo to walk up to

Yvaine: *wakes up* Up to where?

and only when he started walking did she notice that Aragorn had his hand on the hilt of his sword.

Atton: *as Aragorn* Curses! I lost my chance to slay the Sue!
Luthi: *as Boromir* Don’t worry, I’ll slay it for you! *stabs at Atton with a straw*
Atton: Hey! I’m not a Sue!
Luthi: Oops, sorry- just got a little carried away. :wasntme:


The fellowship was now waist –but for the hobbits neck- deep in snow, whilst Legolas and Herenya walked on top.

Yvaine: On top of…what?
Atton: We should start adding “in bed” to the end of all these incomplete sentences.
Luthi: :facepalm: You would suggest that, Rand.


As the two walked on Gandalf was digging through the snow with his staff until Herenya heard something and grabbed hold of Legolas' forearm.

Luthi: I fail to see how those two thoughts are connected. The only way that would make sense is if Legolas and Gandalf were the same person.

"Lle case tanya? Do you hear that?" she questioned quietly.

Elrohir: *twitches again*

The elf gave a quick nod and moved closer to the edge to make out what the voice was saying.

Evie: How is moving six inches closer to the voice going to make it more distinct?
Atton: Logic, Evie, logic.


"Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya! Wake up cruel Redhorn! May your horn be bloodstained"

Elrohir: *screams and begins headwalling*
Atton: *observes* I’m surprised he’s lasted this long.


Chanted the voice

"There's a fell voice in the air" The elf informed loud enough for Gandalf to hear.

"It's Saruman!" He shouted as rocks started to fall.

Luthi: And which “he” would that be?
Atton: I’m going to go with the Witch-King.


Herenya pulled Legolas away from the edge as rocks fell to where he was just standing.

Evie: *rolls eyes* Of course she did.
Yvaine: Now poor Legolas is probably dancing around in circles, screaming “It touched me! Bring hot water! Bring disinfectant!”


"He's trying to bring down the mountain! Gandalf, we must turn back!" Aragorn shouted whilst holding Frodo and Sam.

Luthi: I’m tired of trying to make sense of this. Let’s play pazaak, Rand.
Atton: All right- but it’s Republic Senate rules.
Luthi: I’ll play anything but Nar Shaddaa. Deal.


"No!" Gandalf shouted back. Determined the wizard stepped on top of the snow and neared the edge of the cliff.

Evie: I can just see him tripping and falling off.

"Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho i 'ruith! Sleep, Caradhras, be still, lie still, hold your wrath!" He Chanted

Elrohir: *is still headwalling*

"Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; Nai yarvaxea rasselya; taltuva notto-carinnar! Wake up cruel Redhorn! May your bloodstained horn fall upon enemy heads!"

Elrohir: *knocks himself out*
Atton: Lucky Elf. At least he can escape the rest of this drivel. <_<


chanted back Saruman.

Lightening then flashed just above the fellowship causing both them being startled and another avalanche.

Evie: Could that wording be any more awkward?
Atton: Fellowship both above them lightning just startled flashed then and avalanche another the causing another them and being.
Evie: Touche.


Legolas snatched Gandalf from the edge

Yvaine: *as Legolas* The last limited-edition life-sized Gandalf figurine is mine! MINE!

-preventing him from falling off- as all the snow fell on top of them.

After a few moments Legolas' head came first out of the snow,

Luthi: It then proceeded to roll down the hill as the rest of his body dug itself out.

then Herenya –with the help of Legolas- followed by Gandalf and everyone else.

Atton: In bed.
Luthi: :facepalm:
Atton: What? I told you I was going to start that…


Herenya went over to Frodo and picked him up as he snuggled closer to her to get warmth.

Yvaine: I’d rather freeze to death.

"We must get off the mountain! Make for the Gap of Rohan and take the west road to my city!" Boromir suggested shouting.

*Plagiarism Alarm (tm) makes a weak attempt at going off, before dying again*
Evie: Well, that’s a relief…


"The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard!" Aragorn argued.

"If we cannot pass over the mountain, let us go under it. Let us go through the mines of Moria." Gimli suggested calmly.

Luthi: I think that is the closest to a grammatically correct sentence we’ve seen so far.

Herenya looked toward Gandalf -knowing he would be against this idea- and saw that his had become dark with fear.

Yvaine: His… what?

What could be so bad that Mithrandir would have this expression?

Elrohir: You, Sue.
Atton: I was just about to say that.


"Let the Ring bearer decide." He said grimly

Evie: *as Frodo* It is Herenya that is forcing Gandalf to have that expression!

"We cannot stay here! This will be the death of the Hobbits!"

Atton: :huh: Gandalf said that?
Don John: Apparently so, if we are to trust MasonJ.


Herenya looked angrily towards him.

Yvaine: Oh, it must be Boromir.

Why put more pressure on the Halfling when he so much already.

All: :huh:
Luthi: I think I just died a little inside. Again.


"Frodo?" pressed Gandalf softly.

Luthi: As opposed to pressing hard and making Frodo’s head pop off, thereby killing him?
Atton: If I was Frodo, I’d be begging someone to kill me by this point.


"We will go through the mines." The Halfling spoke confidently hoping that his choice wasn't one to regret.

"So be it."

Luthi: And… who said that?
Atton: My guess is Herenya.
Evie: Probably Boromir.
Don John: Pippin.
Yvaine: Lord Elrond.
Elrohir: Lord Mandos. He knows that it will be easier for them to dispatch the Sue in the dark.


Pleaz review and I'll update soon

Atton: Somehow, the fact that you can not spell “please” is making me doubt the quality of your next chapter- as if the quality of the preceding chapters was not enough reason to fear the next one.

Pic of Herenya's travelling clothes is on my profile

Luthi: I looked. It’s Arwen’s “Chase” outfit from the Fellowship movie.
Atton: Does this Suethor have any of her own ideas?
Elrohir: I would highly doubt it.


The sporkers blinked as the theatre lights abruptly came back on. While they were still attempting to regain their eyesight, Count Rugan’s voice boomed over the loudspeaker.

“I had originally planned to have you spork two chapters today.” (This announcement was greeted by a chorus of groans) “However, MasonJ pulled the story from the Internet before I could copy the next chapter.”

Atton stared up in the general direction of the six-fingered man. “Wait a minute- are you saying…?”

“Yes, I am saying that this sporking project is over. You may-”

Anything else that the Count may have attempted to say was drowned out by Atton’s whoop of joy, and Luthi’s dancing around the room screaming “Free! Free! Smeagol is free!”

Evie observed her fellow sporkers. “I suppose they could be even worse for wear,” she remarked philosophically.

Don John nodded gravely. “Aye, they could. Now, help my drag our Elven friend back to his chambers before the vile count concocts a new experiment to torture him with.”
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