| Welcome to Refia. We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| Celebrian; The Reviews | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 21 2010, 05:05 PM (959 Views) | |
| Ariel | Aug 21 2010, 05:05 PM Post #1 |
![]()
Professional Nutcase
|
Read the story Here. Spork Team 1 Frankie Drizzt Ash Harry Murphy Elrond |
[align=center] [/align]
| |
![]() |
|
| Arya Svit-Kona | Aug 22 2010, 04:01 AM Post #2 |
|
Resident Nutcase
|
You sporked Celebrian? *dies is revived then dies again* Wow.... I really feel for you! *sends a mega survival kit* |
|
One part fool, three parts brave-Brom in the Eragon movie It's better to ask forgiveness than permission-Brom and Eragon in the Eragon movie A red sun rises, blood has been spilt this night-Legolas, The Two Towers God is great Life is good Oh, and Legolas rules | |
![]() |
|
| jules14 | Feb 12 2011, 05:09 PM Post #3 |
![]()
(Wo)man on a Mission
|
Incredible. You're a braver person than I am for daring to spork this; it still makes me queasy. You've been doing a nice job too. Seems a little cruel to have Elrond spork it though.
|
| |
![]() |
|
| Ariel | Feb 12 2011, 05:32 PM Post #4 |
![]()
Professional Nutcase
|
Ahh, but that was the point. Especially with Frankie around. |
[align=center] [/align]
| |
![]() |
|
| jules14 | Feb 13 2011, 06:19 PM Post #5 |
![]()
(Wo)man on a Mission
|
I see. Well, don't be surprised if he goes insane at the end.
|
| |
![]() |
|
| Ariel | Feb 13 2011, 06:24 PM Post #6 |
![]()
Professional Nutcase
|
Actually I was thinking of having him escape for a bit to hunt down Sue!Celebrian and kill her. He is, after all, a member of the PPC. |
[align=center] [/align]
| |
![]() |
|
| Jedi Master Luthien | Feb 16 2011, 10:06 PM Post #7 |
![]()
Future Egyptologist
|
Even on the sporked version, I only made it a few paragraphs in. I must say, though, what I managed to read was very well-sporked. Excellent job, Ariel. You are a very brave soul.
|
![]() |
|
| Refia | Feb 21 2011, 07:32 PM Post #8 |
|
Paying Tribute to the Past
|
Can't quite say I blame her!
The author thinks they're the same? ![]()
Shh, let the author remain in denial for a bit longer. ![]()
You know, Frankie, one of the characters from my favourite anime "One Piece" was based on you, bith personality and look-wise.
That, or... Ehm, I shouldn't finish that sentence if I value my life, I guess? ![]()
Guys, if you're going to point out all plot chasms in this fic, we'll be here forever.
![]()
You're an odd one, Frankie. Soon enough you'll start wearing speedos while shouting "SUPER!". Points if you get the reference. ![]()
That's kinda disturbing. ![]()
The description actually reminds me of Ganon from the "The Legend of Zelda" series: ![]()
I see you're all going to have a wonderful time together and will get along fine. :rolleyes:
That's because the description is a joke in itself. ![]()
![]() Coming from Frankie, that's saying a lot!
Now I'm reminded of that Don Bluth movie.
I like anime, and I'd never write anything like this. <_< The author is just messed up.
Actually, that's no excuse. Kill! ![]()
Seriously, abandon logic! There is none to be found here!
*Hands over duct tape*
Maybe that was the inspiration for this.
I didn't know goblins knew football.
Of course you do. :rolleyes:
I'm laughing at this conversation. Frankie sure spices things up. ![]()
Good lord, no! Don't make this any longer than it has to be!
![]()
Double yuck.
Go proud nipples!
FREEDOM!!!
He's Ganon from Zelda!
"To infinity... and beyond!"
Smart nipple. ![]()
Why is everything but the characters themselves smart in this shitpile?
![]()
Hey, look at the bright side, at least you can't miss when you kick. :rolleyes:
Yeah, what's wrong with a bucket of water?! :angry:
![]()
You bet your travestite ass we would! ![]()
Classic. ![]()
I'm going with Drizzt's suggestion, it's the least disgusting.
I thought that was what Odyseus called himself when introducing himself to the cyclope?
Poor Elrond!
I love my chickens, hug them every now and then, but I'd never...
He should. Then she's dead and the fic ends. Unless he's into necrophilia.
I'd die from laughter, actually.
Whoo boy, we'll be here forever.
YUCK!
The minis jumped forward and stabbed Celebrian to death with their mini flame swords.
Wow, what marriage resulted in that? ![]()
Same here.
In retaliation, Elrond build a nuclear reactor in his.
Nice one. :lol:
As good a reason as any. ![]()
OUCH! >.< To both things!
Too busy oggling over his good looks. :rolleyes:
Convenient!
It doesn't roll so well off the tongue? ![]()
And tastes bad. She'd break her teeth on it, too!
Very convincing, Ariel! ![]()
Hey, just shows how many people get bad sex education at school.
So close and yet so far!
![]()
Who doesn't know basic body structuring?
Aww, don't let that stop you.
Some never learn. That, or she's a masochist.
It might go faster that way, though.
Yay!
I don't even want to know. ![]()
But that would make sense!
Pretty much. ![]()
I was wondering where they had gone.
Amen. Horrible. Absolutely horrible. But it's Celebrian, so that shouldn't surprise anyone! Wonderful sporking, though, Ariel. I laughed many times!
|
|
[align=center]Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? [/align] | |
![]() |
|
| Amarth | Mar 2 2011, 10:55 AM Post #9 |
|
Rising Again
|
As in, Jareth? I think he'd be more likely to toss the stupid, pathetic bint into the bog, but I suppose he has his whims.
Or she is a shameless masochist and loving every second of it. Given how this story goes...
He'd have had her properly impaled ages ago for shameless behaviour.
Can you blame her? (Provided that we're thinking about the same nancing goblin king here)
Yep. Definitely masochist. Tell Elrond to invest in a selection of whips.
Not unless she was a hobbit or a dwarf in disguise. |
|
"I dance the dance of the fool and pray you find me mad for if you lay hands upon the root you'll know me, without illusion and find me guilty of the truth."-Malkav's Words "LEGOLAS! YOU ARE HEIR TO THE THRONE OF MIRKWOOD! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE YOUR WAY WITH RANDOM GIRLS IN CLOSETS!"-Glorfindel, "Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around" by crazyroninchic "Dear Harry, If Voldemort kills us, we turn into sparkly vampires. Can we panic NOW? Sincerely, Ron" Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.E- Albert Einstein My Tolkien fanfic recs Anime and manga fanfic recs Book and game fanfic recs ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
| |
![]() |
|
| Amarth | Sep 23 2011, 09:12 PM Post #10 |
|
Rising Again
|
Now I'm stuck with the image of French painters smuggling sex toys. Thanks a lot, author.
Well, there are the Uruk-Hai, and even if Morgoth could find enough elves to corrupt in the beginning, their numbers would have dwindled until the Third Age so...yes, they probably can. *hands over alcohol*
Yes, but you are from Drow society, Drizzt. Where they have public mass orgy for graduation ceremony et al.
Why pick them up in the first place? Or, as Ash said, chuck them in river. Elrond would be more than happy to dispose of them too.
Lounged?
Hitchhiker reference FTW! I wonder what Vogons would think about "Celebrian".
No. Masturbation with breasts was one of most vomit-worthy scenes in this fic. At least the torment will be over soon. |
|
"I dance the dance of the fool and pray you find me mad for if you lay hands upon the root you'll know me, without illusion and find me guilty of the truth."-Malkav's Words "LEGOLAS! YOU ARE HEIR TO THE THRONE OF MIRKWOOD! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE YOUR WAY WITH RANDOM GIRLS IN CLOSETS!"-Glorfindel, "Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around" by crazyroninchic "Dear Harry, If Voldemort kills us, we turn into sparkly vampires. Can we panic NOW? Sincerely, Ron" Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.E- Albert Einstein My Tolkien fanfic recs Anime and manga fanfic recs Book and game fanfic recs ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
| |
![]() |
|
| Ariel | Sep 23 2011, 10:42 PM Post #11 |
![]()
Professional Nutcase
|
I try not to think to much about Orc reproduction to be honest. Good point about the Dark Elf orgy, I had forgotten about that. It's been awhile since I've read the series. One more segment to go. Wahoo! |
[align=center] [/align]
| |
![]() |
|
| jules14 | Sep 26 2011, 04:34 PM Post #12 |
![]()
(Wo)man on a Mission
|
Welcome back, Ariel! Long time, no see! It was wise to take a break from sporking this shit, although this chapter might be the best you've done so far.
Wow, and this is Elrond's WIFE he's talking about! Well, of course she's not really his wife, but she does share Celebrian's name.
Hey, you did better than me...*vomits*
Good ones. A fic with Celebrian as a Jehovah's witness would be less disgusting than this!
Oh, man, this really makes me want to write a pun about breast-feeding...
True, but Elrond should know by now that this...thing...is not his wife. :rolleyes:
Canon? What's that?
Plus if Elves didn't know how to milk cows, how did they get milk? Or does this author think they didn't have agriculture at all and just made their food appear by magic?
I think this thing pretending to be Celebrian is dumber than Rosa Monroe, and that's saying something.
Excuse me while I throw up again...*does so*
So obviously Elrond's spell doesn't take into account the fact that she was drugged? And why doesn't she just tell Elrond the Orcs drugged her? He'd understand; surely he'd know that it would count as rape.
She's not even an Elf. She sounds like some...horrible human experiment done by Morgoth.
Hmph. Then this isn't really Elrond either. Surprise, surprise. <_<
Awesome!
The story's description grossed me out, but your comments made me laugh.
*confused* Flag poles waggle now? What the hell?
By now I think this version of Celebrian is an alien of some sort.
But funny, for some reason. ![]()
Seriously? What about burning it, or throwing it all in the river, or TAKING A BATH? How many brain cells does this creature have?
That's right, Elrond; you tell 'em!
*cough*cough*Silmarils*cough*cough*
Spaceballs reference FTW!
*vomits everything I've ever eaten in my life*
I hope it does. Then this story will be over!
And the Orcs found Rivendell...how? Did Manet tell them? Did Celebrian's breats send out a signal that appeared in the sky? Or was Elrond dumb enough to drop Vilya down a well? Given the intelligence level of the characters in this fic, the last wouldn't be too surprising. Again, your bravery is legendary, Ariel. You deserve the Purple Spork, or at least some kind of reward. |
| |
![]() |
|
| Ariel | Sep 27 2011, 12:15 AM Post #13 |
![]()
Professional Nutcase
|
Allo Jules! Hmm, somehow I don't think Elrond had a silmaril in his basement.
I aim to please. |
[align=center] [/align]
| |
![]() |
|
| Amarth | Oct 21 2011, 02:12 PM Post #14 |
|
Rising Again
|
And my first reaction is still: "What is French Impressionist doing here?"
I don't think they had bras. Period. Bindings should work well enough.
Hmm. I wonder if eating Elf-flesh would hurt them. But then again, she fell as low as an Elf without Morgoth's "help" could, so she doesn't count.
Okay, that settles it. This was written by a male.
Except when you are Jarlaxle.
But she is the Queen of, lyke, Riverdell! And Elrond is the King, and Arwen is princess...:sarcasm:
You still worry about basic English in this fic?
GROWN to be? What was she before? You know, when she couldn't handle getting none for a few days of the trip? "A little horny?"
She still counts as an elf?
Well, they would be most likely to develop it, seeing as they can't really get the real thing without rape...
Until the Third Age ended and both Orcs and Elves declined after Sauron's fall. But since she couldn't sail to the West any more, she was left to wither with Middle Earth. Yay! It's finally over!
|
|
"I dance the dance of the fool and pray you find me mad for if you lay hands upon the root you'll know me, without illusion and find me guilty of the truth."-Malkav's Words "LEGOLAS! YOU ARE HEIR TO THE THRONE OF MIRKWOOD! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE YOUR WAY WITH RANDOM GIRLS IN CLOSETS!"-Glorfindel, "Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around" by crazyroninchic "Dear Harry, If Voldemort kills us, we turn into sparkly vampires. Can we panic NOW? Sincerely, Ron" Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.E- Albert Einstein My Tolkien fanfic recs Anime and manga fanfic recs Book and game fanfic recs ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
| |
![]() |
|
| jules14 | Oct 22 2011, 06:36 PM Post #15 |
![]()
(Wo)man on a Mission
|
YAY! You've completed sporking the worst Lord of the Rings fic in the world! *hugs Ariel, sends up crates of booze* I'd give you a trophy or a million dollars if I had them. As it is, I'll just have to express my admiration through emoticons. ![]()
I'm gonna quote Mac and say, "Deus ex stupida".
*gets image in mind and starts cringing*
So...is this supposed to be yet another side effect of the potion, or has her brain been utterly destroyed?
How much do you want to bet that the author was taking elements from cheesy "Conan the Barbarian" rip-off movies?
*excited* Do it, Joker! Do it!
Rapists in badfics, especially rapists of a different species, are all portrayed as having loin cloths. The orcs in "Violation of the Evenstar" had them and so did the Trollocs in that "Wheel of Time" gang rape fic.
Yeah, that would explain a lot.
Please: she's moved down so much she isn't even in the world! She's even moved down past hell; she's probably slipped through a black hole into another dimension by now.
It boggles my mind how this fic starts out disgusting but then just gets boring.
So would I, but then again, I actually know something about animals. Unsurprisingly, bestiality fics get so much wrong about animals I think the authors should be sued for animal abuse.
Gotta love the innuendo jokes.
Maybe it fell off. Maybe Celebrian's freakishly-big breasts knocked it off.
Not to mention painful. Clearly the orc king wasn't doing foreplay, though maybe now Celebrian can will herself to lubricate. It wouldn't be too surprising in this fic.
Boy, you'd think if orcs spent this much time banging each other they wouldn't be such a formidable threat.
Also a bit too obvious, I'm guessing.
I can picture the Joker using that little device on one of his victims. Creepy.
I'm sorry, but she's already got BREASTS THE SIZE OF SPACESHIP EARTH and FOOTLONG NIPPLES, and she's worrying about not having teeth?! Good Lord, Celebrian, how dumb are you?! Priorities, bitch, priorities!
I'd rather hang out with a pack of rabid wolves than this girl.
No words indeed...:X
As I was saying about animals in bestiality fics...
Yeah, me too. I just hope they don't have oliphaunts... :ph43r:
I think she's a shapeshifting alien and can stretch out her orifices to accomodate anything. That's the only explanation that makes sense.
Oh, THAT'S the explanation! Her flight across the sea was all a LIE! Silly Tolkien, with his dumb idea about her being too traumatized from being tortured and poisoned to stay in Middle-earth! No, it makes a lot more sense that the orcs fed her a potion to rape her and turn her into a porn star! <_<
![]()
*stunned* Good God, she must smell horrible even to the orcs! Plus wouldn't it itch like crazy after a while? Wonderful job again, Ariel. |
| |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| « Previous Topic · Lord of the Rings - MST · Next Topic » |




[/align]




Incredible. You're a braver person than I am for daring to spork this; it still makes me queasy. You've been doing a nice job too. Seems a little cruel to have Elrond spork it though.

You are a very brave soul.








She loves chicken shit?







Canon? What's that?
I don't think they had bras. Period. Bindings should work well enough.

3:13 PM Jul 11