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Celebrian; The Reviews
Topic Started: Aug 21 2010, 05:05 PM (959 Views)
Ariel
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Professional Nutcase
Read the story Here.


Spork Team 1
Frankie
Drizzt
Ash
Harry
Murphy
Elrond
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Arya Svit-Kona
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Resident Nutcase
You sporked Celebrian? *dies is revived then dies again* Wow.... I really feel for you! *sends a mega survival kit*
One part fool, three parts brave-Brom in the Eragon movie

It's better to ask forgiveness than permission-Brom and Eragon in the Eragon movie

A red sun rises, blood has been spilt this night-Legolas, The Two Towers

God is great
Life is good
Oh, and Legolas rules


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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
:X Incredible. You're a braver person than I am for daring to spork this; it still makes me queasy. You've been doing a nice job too. Seems a little cruel to have Elrond spork it though. ;)
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Ariel
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Ahh, but that was the point. Especially with Frankie around.
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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
I see. Well, don't be surprised if he goes insane at the end. :sly:
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Ariel
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Actually I was thinking of having him escape for a bit to hunt down Sue!Celebrian and kill her. He is, after all, a member of the PPC.
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Jedi Master Luthien
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Even on the sporked version, I only made it a few paragraphs in. I must say, though, what I managed to read was very well-sporked. Excellent job, Ariel. :D You are a very brave soul.
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Refia
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Paying Tribute to the Past
Quote:
 
Ariel: She hated being in this shitty fanfiction.


Can't quite say I blame her!

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Harry: Question! Why were there orcs living with goblins?


The author thinks they're the same? :dunno:

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Ariel: Doesn't kidnapping count as mistreatment?


Shh, let the author remain in denial for a bit longer. ;)

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Frankie: That's very kinky of you m'dear.


You know, Frankie, one of the characters from my favourite anime "One Piece" was based on you, bith personality and look-wise.

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Ash: That sir, is a penis. They get rigid at times. Cold showers are recommended when this affliction occurs.


That, or... Ehm, I shouldn't finish that sentence if I value my life, I guess? :wasntme:

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Harry: Question! Why was she up in the mountains alone?
Drizzt: I thought elves had good hearing, how'd they sneak up on her?
Ariel: Forget that, I was under the impression that elves needed very little sleep.


Guys, if you're going to point out all plot chasms in this fic, we'll be here forever.

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Drizzt: (goblin) No, she was in the middle of an orgy.
Ariel: You get ten points for successfully kidnapping her straight from an orgy.
Frankie: You lose ten for not joining in.


:rofl:

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Ash: Cross-species sex. That's always fun.
Frankie: You have no idea how fun it is, m'dear.
Ash: Do try to remember that I was raised as a sex slave, lad.
Frankie: Wonderful!


You're an odd one, Frankie. Soon enough you'll start wearing speedos while shouting "SUPER!". Points if you get the reference. :P

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Ariel: I would like to point out that Uruks did not exist until Sauron bred them into existence.
Frankie: How 'big' were these Uruks?
Ash: I would point him towards the Arwen/Uruks fanfic, but knowing him hed probably get off on it.


That's kinda disturbing. :nod:

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Harry: What does this description have to do with anything?
Ariel: Oink.
Ash: Bacon, yum.


The description actually reminds me of Ganon from the "The Legend of Zelda" series:

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Ariel: Yes, because raping an elf who'll fade in the middle of the deed is so fun.
Frankie: 'S not rape if you enjoy it.
Ariel: *grabs sledgehammer* Say that again, I dare you to.
Frankie: Do calm down, my dear.
Drizzt: Very creepy, that.


I see you're all going to have a wonderful time together and will get along fine. :rolleyes:

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Ariel: I don't think it's possible to make a joke about that description.


That's because the description is a joke in itself. :nod:

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Ariel: Pulsing? Might want to see a doctor, dude.
Frankie: *whistles* Three inch glands on a two inch penis?That's a serious problem you've got there.


:laugh:

Coming from Frankie, that's saying a lot!

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Harry: Cock-a-doodle-do!


Now I'm reminded of that Don Bluth movie.

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Harry: Do you reckon the author is an anime person?


I like anime, and I'd never write anything like this. <_< The author is just messed up.

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Frankie: Survive what? Perhaps you should relax and enjoy it.
Rest: :X
Ariel: I'll let him live for that comment, but only because he hasn't actually seen the movies and thus has no clue about the wrongness of this.
Ash: Agreed.


Actually, that's no excuse. Kill! :mace:

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Ash: Where in Arda did they get silk? Isn't the stuff made from silk-worms?


Seriously, abandon logic! There is none to be found here!

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Frankie: See? It isn't so bad.
Ariel: Duct tape. Now.


*Hands over duct tape*

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Murphy: Sounds like a nightmare from Rocky Horror.


Maybe that was the inspiration for this.

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All: :rofl:
Ash: Good one.
Murphy: Men will be men, no matter the universe.


I didn't know goblins knew football. :huh:

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Drizzt: He was trying to find the crack that was causing it to leak all over the place.
Frankie: I love how you think.


Of course you do. :rolleyes:

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Ariel: That's new, reflective penis.
Drizzt: Reflective penises! Only $19.99!
Ash: Great for disco balls.
Frankie: :rofl:
Ash: And the pervert took it wrong.
Ariel: I did too, I'm just not laughing about it.


I'm laughing at this conversation. :laugh: Frankie sure spices things up. ;)

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Murphy: How? Was she sitting, standing, straddling? Be more descriptive.


Good lord, no! Don't make this any longer than it has to be!

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Ash: They waved back.


:laugh:

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Ariel: Ewwww.


Double yuck. :X

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Drizzt: They grew legs?
Ariel: They stood proudly, ready to fight their way out of this fanfiction.


Go proud nipples! :surrender:

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Ariel: It had heard the call of the nipples to stand and fight its way out of this fanfiction.
Murphy: Together the three abandoned the slut they were attached to and made a break for the door.


FREEDOM!!!

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Frankie: Is this a goblin or a rabbit-pig hybrid?


He's Ganon from Zelda!

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Ariel: Where it promptly ran away.


"To infinity... and beyond!"

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Murphy: Which had been trying to sneak away.


Smart nipple. :nod:

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Ariel: It was successfully trying to sneak out of the throne room.


Why is everything but the characters themselves smart in this shitpile?

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Harry: Which promptly bit her because cats hate getting wet.


:rofl:

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Frankie: Footlong balls? :rofl:
Ariel: A foot long hotdog with large meatballs. Disgusting.


Hey, look at the bright side, at least you can't miss when you kick. :rolleyes:

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Ash: So you shove them out of bed to wake them up? How inconsiderate!


Yeah, what's wrong with a bucket of water?! :angry:

Quote:
 
What would it taste like?
All: Chicken?


:rofl:

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Frankie: I could tell you, but I fear they'll kill me.


You bet your travestite ass we would! :mace:

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Murphy: I should hope not. You'd have to have a pretty big mouth to eat Elrond.


Classic. :laugh:

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Frankie: That she was sitting knee-deep in Orc-semen.
Harry: Excitable lot, aren't they.
Drizzt: That there was a flashing exit sign right behind the king's throne.


I'm going with Drizzt's suggestion, it's the least disgusting.

Quote:
 
Ariel: Nobody.
Harry: Isn't he the guy that killed the giant?


I thought that was what Odyseus called himself when introducing himself to the cyclope?

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*Door bursts open and an enraged Elrond descends on poor Frankie. The fanfic is put on temporary stand-still as the others kick duct tape Elrond to a seat and force him to continue reading with them*


Poor Elrond!

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Ash: A chicken-lover?


I love my chickens, hug them every now and then, but I'd never... :X

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Harry: Ouch. You'll crack her head open doing that.


He should. Then she's dead and the fic ends. Unless he's into necrophilia.

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Ariel: And handsome and brave, I suppose?
Murphy: Men like that generally die from sheer stupidity.


I'd die from laughter, actually.

Quote:
 
Ariel: (Celebrian) Well, I want a pony, and a mansion, and a lambhorgini, and a-
Harry: And there are 8,888 steps.


Whoo boy, we'll be here forever.

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Harry: :blink: She loves chicken shit?


YUCK! :X

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Ariel: Turned out, he had a colony of mini-balrogs living in his loincloth.


The minis jumped forward and stabbed Celebrian to death with their mini flame swords.

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Murphy: So far she's part cat, fish, bird, dog, and elf.


Wow, what marriage resulted in that? :blink:

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Ash: That's not something I'm dying to know.


Same here.

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Harry: He'd built a mini-generator in one of them.


In retaliation, Elrond build a nuclear reactor in his.

Quote:
 
Ariel: Really it wasn't hard. Just keep him well fed and give him a country to fight against and he'd be happy.


Nice one. :lol:

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Frankie: It's an impressive cock?


As good a reason as any. :shrugs:

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*all men wince*
Ariel: I've heard of fish in South America who swim up men's penis'.
*men have downright pained expressions*


OUCH! >.< To both things!

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Ariel: Ah, I didn't know Jareth was a control-freak.
Murphy: How could you miss that?


Too busy oggling over his good looks. :rolleyes:

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Ariel: Aha! It's a flashlight!


Convenient!

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Frankie: So far, we've seen cock, shaft, rod, manhood-
Ash: Though technically he's a goblin, not a man.
Frankie: -and dick.
Ariel: What's wrong with penis?


It doesn't roll so well off the tongue? :dunno:

Quote:
 
Harry: Ouch. Bet that's painful.


And tastes bad. She'd break her teeth on it, too!

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All: *yawns*
Ariel: Don't mind us, we are merely showing our enthusiasm for this.


Very convincing, Ariel! :laugh:

Quote:
 
Ariel: It's reasonably better than huge breasts that should give the girl back problems, but never seems to.


Hey, just shows how many people get bad sex education at school.

Quote:
 
Frankie: Her fingers were barely touching the cookie jar.


So close and yet so far!

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Frankie: ....Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Rest:  :blink:


:rofl:

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Harry: Erm, semen originates in the testicle.
Murphy: I'm surprised you knew that.
Frankie: :evil:


Who doesn't know basic body structuring?

Quote:
 
Ariel: I want to stick in a bible quote there.
Drizzt: Why don't you?
Ariel: Cause the other MST of this has the same thing.


Aww, don't let that stop you.

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Elrond: And again she got electrocuted for her trouble.
Ariel: Daft girl.


Some never learn. That, or she's a masochist.

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Ariel: Overkill dear. You've already slit your throat. No need to slit your wrists too.


It might go faster that way, though.

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Ash: And then she choked to death.


Yay!

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All: :blink:
Ariel: How does that work, exactly?


I don't even want to know. :facepalm:

Quote:
 
Ariel: Instead, she barfed it all over him and then made a run for it.


But that would make sense!

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Harry: In short, she was in desperate need of a bath.


Pretty much. :nod:

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Drizzt: And we're back to the other names.


I was wondering where they had gone.

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All: May it rest in peace.


Amen.

Horrible. Absolutely horrible. But it's Celebrian, so that shouldn't surprise anyone! Wonderful sporking, though, Ariel. I laughed many times! :D
[align=center]Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
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Amarth
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Harry: Because the real Goblin King returned, ousted the fake one, and ordered her to be cleaned up and sent back to Elrond with an apology and a box of assorted cookies.

As in, Jareth? I think he'd be more likely to toss the stupid, pathetic bint into the bog, but I suppose he has his whims.

Quote:
 
but it was much smaller than the kings huge cock and it was able to pass her tight gate.
Ariel: Without lubricant or anything.
Ash: Shes either got dead nerve endings, a high pain tolerance, or shes man enough not to scream.

Or she is a shameless masochist and loving every second of it. Given how this story goes...

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Ariel: I want to stick in a Vlad the Impaler joke.

He'd have had her properly impaled ages ago for shameless behaviour.

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Ariel: He was angry that she had left him for that nancing goblin king.

Can you blame her? (Provided that we're thinking about the same nancing goblin king here)

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"Cock-sucker. Ball-licker. Cum-drinker. Cock-lover. Kings-sheath. Dick-sucker." With each name, the kings cock twitched beneath his loin cloth. Soon the warty member protruded free of the cloth. She shuddered at what she must do with the thing. But her nipples also hardened and her pussy grew wet.

Yep. Definitely masochist. Tell Elrond to invest in a selection of whips.

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Impaled on his rod, it felt like his cock reached her lungs.

Not unless she was a hobbit or a dwarf in disguise.



"I dance the dance of the fool
and pray you find me mad
for if you lay hands upon the root
you'll know me, without illusion
and find me guilty of the truth."
-Malkav's Words

"LEGOLAS! YOU ARE HEIR TO THE THRONE OF MIRKWOOD! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE YOUR WAY WITH RANDOM GIRLS IN CLOSETS!"-Glorfindel, "Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around" by crazyroninchic

"Dear Harry,

If Voldemort kills us, we turn into sparkly vampires. Can we panic NOW?

Sincerely, Ron"


Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.E- Albert Einstein

My Tolkien fanfic recs

Anime and manga fanfic recs

Book and game fanfic recs

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Amarth
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Rising Again
Quote:
 
A traveler named Manet came to Rivendell one evening.

:blink: Now I'm stuck with the image of French painters smuggling sex toys. Thanks a lot, author.

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Ariel: *horrified* You mean they can reproduce?

Well, there are the Uruk-Hai, and even if Morgoth could find enough elves to corrupt in the beginning, their numbers would have dwindled until the Third Age so...yes, they probably can. *hands over alcohol*

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Drizzt: Seriously, even I know what sex toys are and Im from a medieval-esque society. .

Yes, but you are from Drow society, Drizzt. Where they have public mass orgy for graduation ceremony et al.

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She would have to destroy both items. But how?

Why pick them up in the first place? Or, as Ash said, chuck them in river. Elrond would be more than happy to dispose of them too.

Quote:
 
But she also lounged for it.

:blink: Lounged?

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Drizzt: Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster?

Hitchhiker reference FTW!
I wonder what Vogons would think about "Celebrian".

Quote:
 
Ariel: Is it even possible for elves to cheat on each other?
Drizzt: Dark Elves, certainly. Im not so sure about the Tokien!Elves though.

No.

Masturbation with breasts was one of most vomit-worthy scenes in this fic.

At least the torment will be over soon.
"I dance the dance of the fool
and pray you find me mad
for if you lay hands upon the root
you'll know me, without illusion
and find me guilty of the truth."
-Malkav's Words

"LEGOLAS! YOU ARE HEIR TO THE THRONE OF MIRKWOOD! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE YOUR WAY WITH RANDOM GIRLS IN CLOSETS!"-Glorfindel, "Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around" by crazyroninchic

"Dear Harry,

If Voldemort kills us, we turn into sparkly vampires. Can we panic NOW?

Sincerely, Ron"


Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.E- Albert Einstein

My Tolkien fanfic recs

Anime and manga fanfic recs

Book and game fanfic recs

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Ariel
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I try not to think to much about Orc reproduction to be honest.

Good point about the Dark Elf orgy, I had forgotten about that. It's been awhile since I've read the series.

One more segment to go. Wahoo!
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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
Welcome back, Ariel! Long time, no see! It was wise to take a break from sporking this shit, although this chapter might be the best you've done so far.

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Elrond: I wouldnt go that far. You have given me plenty of incentive to hunt you down and put you out of your misery.


Wow, and this is Elrond's WIFE he's talking about! Well, of course she's not really his wife, but she does share Celebrian's name.

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She could see that weights had been fixed to her labia so that they hung half a foot.

Ariel: *cringes*


:X Hey, you did better than me...*vomits*

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Hatter: Why are you still here?
Artemis: Jeez, you Jehovahs Witness People never give up, do you?


:rofl: Good ones. A fic with Celebrian as a Jehovah's witness would be less disgusting than this!

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Ariel: Stupid, youre supposed to put it in her mouth! Know you nothing about feeding babies?


Oh, man, this really makes me want to write a pun about breast-feeding...

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Elrond: No. My wife would have faded.


True, but Elrond should know by now that this...thing...is not his wife. :rolleyes:

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Elf-flesh restores itself. Even Ithalonds hands would have grown back in time.


:headwall: Canon? What's that?

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Ariel: Am I the only one laughing at the image of someone teaching you how to milk a cow?


Plus if Elves didn't know how to milk cows, how did they get milk? Or does this author think they didn't have agriculture at all and just made their food appear by magic?

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Artemis: Stop eating the ice cream, you dimwit.


I think this thing pretending to be Celebrian is dumber than Rosa Monroe, and that's saying something.

Quote:
 
Ariel: *is staring at her index finger* Good god.
Hatter: Thats disgusting.
Frankie: Not arousing at all.


Excuse me while I throw up again...*does so*

Quote:
 
She had asked for the spell. She had been under the effects of the draught but nonetheless, she had begged for her breasts to be made large. She had asked for "great breasts to match your wonderful cock."


So obviously Elrond's spell doesn't take into account the fact that she was drugged? And why doesn't she just tell Elrond the Orcs drugged her? He'd understand; surely he'd know that it would count as rape.

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Dracula: Wow. Just, wow. She really is a slut.
Frankie: And into beastiality.
Ariel: Probably at the same time.


She's not even an Elf. She sounds like some...horrible human experiment done by Morgoth.

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Ariel: Apparently the words date-rape drugs mean nothing to him.


Hmph. Then this isn't really Elrond either. Surprise, surprise. <_<

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Ariel: BLACKMAIL! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH
Ash: *steals the keyboard* No capslock.
Ariel: Sorry, its getting to me. I can feel my brains leaking out of my ears.
Drizzt: Ewww, whats all this grey stuff?


:rofl: Awesome!

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Frankie: That sounds...*shudders* disgusting.
Ariel: Im picturing Jello.
Ash: Maybe its Bob from Monsters Vs Aliens.


The story's description grossed me out, but your comments made me laugh.

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Her two inch nipples waggled like little flag poles in the wind.


*confused* Flag poles waggle now? What the hell?

Quote:
 
Ariel: That was something like twenty inches, right?
Frankie: Eighteen, actually.
Ariel: Yeah, that. So how was she able to fit eighteen inches down her esophagus. That doesnt seem anatomically possible.


By now I think this version of Celebrian is an alien of some sort.

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Ariel: I dunno, maybe theres some sort of extra-dimensional pocket where someone stored their semen.
Rest: . . .
Ariel: Youre right. That sounds stupid.


But funny, for some reason. :rofl:

Quote:
 
There was nothing to do but eat it.


:X Seriously? What about burning it, or throwing it all in the river, or TAKING A BATH? How many brain cells does this creature have?

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Elrond: *sputtering* Less sensitive? May I remind you, you pathetic excuse for an orc, that orcs were once elves! If our sense of smell is as bad as you say, whats that say about yours!


That's right, Elrond; you tell 'em! :D

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Elrond: *puzzled* Jewels? Elves arent obsessed with wealth, not like the mortals.


*cough*cough*Silmarils*cough*cough*

Quote:
 
Ariel: [Dark Helmet] Your helmet is so big!


Spaceballs reference FTW! :D

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They also had the size and breadth of a cock, at least a larger elvish one: her nipples were now an inch across and seven inches long. Bigger than that bitch she-orcs nipples, she thought smugly.


*vomits everything I've ever eaten in my life*

Quote:
 
All: Ewww.
Frankie: Thats repulsive.
Murphy: Think of the back problems.
Ariel: I wonder if her spine is going to snap.


I hope it does. Then this story will be over!

Quote:
 
Elrond: *sarcastically* Oh yes, because I am certainly going to allow a half-orc kill me without a fight.
Ash: Did you make sure he was actually dead? Because if memory serves, he was still around during the Second War of the Ring.


And the Orcs found Rivendell...how? Did Manet tell them? Did Celebrian's breats send out a signal that appeared in the sky? Or was Elrond dumb enough to drop Vilya down a well? Given the intelligence level of the characters in this fic, the last wouldn't be too surprising.

Again, your bravery is legendary, Ariel. You deserve the Purple Spork, or at least some kind of reward.
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Ariel
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Allo Jules!

Hmm, somehow I don't think Elrond had a silmaril in his basement.

Quote:
 
Spaceballs reference FTW!

I aim to please.


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Amarth
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Quote:
 
The elves pursued and slew many but disoriented by the wounding of Elrond, they were not effective enough to overtake Manets party.

And my first reaction is still: "What is French Impressionist doing here?"

Quote:
 
Ariel: Oh dear; I just realized they didnt have sports bras back then.

:nono: I don't think they had bras. Period. Bindings should work well enough.

Quote:
 
Ariel: Different species. I wouldnt put it past them to eat her though.

Hmm. I wonder if eating Elf-flesh would hurt them. But then again, she fell as low as an Elf without Morgoth's "help" could, so she doesn't count.

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As aching and exhausted as she was, her body coursed with unrelieved sexual tension. By her last days at Rivendell, she had been using her teats to give herself six or more orgasms a day. 

Okay, that settles it. This was written by a male.

Quote:
 
Dracula: Experience says that wearing gold trinkets whilst wearing armor does not a fast warrior make.
Hatter: Plus it just looks tacky.

Except when you are Jarlaxle.

Quote:
 
Dracula: *raises eyebrow* Elf-Queen? Since when was she the Queen of elves?

But she is the Queen of, lyke, Riverdell! And Elrond is the King, and Arwen is princess...:sarcasm:

Quote:
 
After the break, the 12 guards-orcs
Elrond: Someone failed basic English.

:facepalm: You still worry about basic English in this fic?

Quote:
 
Second, she had grown to be quite the nymphomaniac

GROWN to be? What was she before? You know, when she couldn't handle getting none for a few days of the trip? "A little horny?"

Quote:
 
Kings came and went in the dreamlike blur of her elvish life.

She still counts as an elf? :O_O:

Quote:
 
Elrond: *blinking* Orcs have porn?

Well, they would be most likely to develop it, seeing as they can't really get the real thing without rape...

Quote:
 
The orc shook his head in admiration before leaving. Who knew how many she would service before she was done? She could last for millennia.

Until the Third Age ended and both Orcs and Elves declined after Sauron's fall. But since she couldn't sail to the West any more, she was left to wither with Middle Earth. :P

Yay! It's finally over! :cheer:
"I dance the dance of the fool
and pray you find me mad
for if you lay hands upon the root
you'll know me, without illusion
and find me guilty of the truth."
-Malkav's Words

"LEGOLAS! YOU ARE HEIR TO THE THRONE OF MIRKWOOD! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE YOUR WAY WITH RANDOM GIRLS IN CLOSETS!"-Glorfindel, "Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around" by crazyroninchic

"Dear Harry,

If Voldemort kills us, we turn into sparkly vampires. Can we panic NOW?

Sincerely, Ron"


Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.E- Albert Einstein

My Tolkien fanfic recs

Anime and manga fanfic recs

Book and game fanfic recs

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jules14
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(Wo)man on a Mission
YAY! You've completed sporking the worst Lord of the Rings fic in the world! *hugs Ariel, sends up crates of booze* I'd give you a trophy or a million dollars if I had them. As it is, I'll just have to express my admiration through emoticons.

:bis: :bis: :bis: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

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Hatter: What on earth were you doing Elrond that they were able to get the drop on you?
Dracula: Strategically speaking, leaving Elrond alive was very stupid. What's to stop him from mounting an attack on you once he's recovered? You'd have been better off killing him while you could.


I'm gonna quote Mac and say, "Deus ex stupida".

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Ariel: Horse riding is not comfortable if youre not wearing a sports bra. Especially if you happen to have large breasts, which this girl apparently does.


:O_O: *gets image in mind and starts cringing*

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Dracula: Oh brother.
Ariel: Clearly she wasnt looking anywhere above the waist.


So...is this supposed to be yet another side effect of the potion, or has her brain been utterly destroyed?

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Dracula: Experience says that wearing gold trinkets whilst wearing armor does not a fast warrior make.
Hatter: Plus it just looks tacky.


How much do you want to bet that the author was taking elements from cheesy "Conan the Barbarian" rip-off movies?

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Joker: I would smile at that too.  I could give her a permanent smile.


*excited* Do it, Joker! Do it!

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Artemis: Why is it that orcs, Uruks, and goblins are all portrayed as having loin cloths, especially if they are considered royalty? Would a royal orc not wish to show their wealth and position?


Rapists in badfics, especially rapists of a different species, are all portrayed as having loin cloths. The orcs in "Violation of the Evenstar" had them and so did the Trollocs in that "Wheel of Time" gang rape fic.

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Hatter: Youre feeding her dog drugs? No wonder Elrond couldnt cure it; it was probably a side affect.


Yeah, that would explain a lot.

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Hatter: Pride for being a slut?
Dracula: Shes moved down in the world.


Please: she's moved down so much she isn't even in the world! She's even moved down past hell; she's probably slipped through a black hole into another dimension by now.

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Ariel: Wake me up when shes done. *snores*


It boggles my mind how this fic starts out disgusting but then just gets boring.

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Joker: I would have thought they would have just eaten her and been done with it.


So would I, but then again, I actually know something about animals. Unsurprisingly, bestiality fics get so much wrong about animals I think the authors should be sued for animal abuse.

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Joker: I can give you one that explodes.
Rest: Err....
Joker: Dynamite! Get your minds out of the gutter.


:rofl: Gotta love the innuendo jokes.

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Hatter: Just one? What happened to the other one?
Ariel: It had to go to therapy. Apparently strange females were making it uncomfortable.


Maybe it fell off. Maybe Celebrian's freakishly-big breasts knocked it off.

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Although she did not cum, she did provide plenty of moans and grunts for the kings benefit.

Ariel: That sounds boring.


Not to mention painful. Clearly the orc king wasn't doing foreplay, though maybe now Celebrian can will herself to lubricate. It wouldn't be too surprising in this fic.

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Ariel: And they gave her a dildo attached to a chain. Do you get the feeling that orcs are obsessed with sex here?


Boy, you'd think if orcs spent this much time banging each other they wouldn't be such a formidable threat.

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Artemis: I want to make a biblical joke here concerning a snake, an apple, and Eve.
Ariel: That's not very nice.


Also a bit too obvious, I'm guessing. ;)

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Joker:  I like this guy! Where can I get one of those?


I can picture the Joker using that little device on one of his victims. :blink: Creepy.

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For the first time since coming to the kings lair, she now felt despair. What would she look like with no teeth? She had seen the human-crones gumming their jaws. She shuddered.


I'm sorry, but she's already got BREASTS THE SIZE OF SPACESHIP EARTH and FOOTLONG NIPPLES, and she's worrying about not having teeth?! Good Lord, Celebrian, how dumb are you?! Priorities, bitch, priorities!

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Hatter: And Im back to holding my breath.
Dracula: Be thankful you havent got enhanced smelling. Id rather go snort garlic than hang out with this girl.


I'd rather hang out with a pack of rabid wolves than this girl.

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A second girl had had her nose somehow enlarged to the size of a pendulous apple. A little teat had been teased from the tip so that she had a third breast on her face.

All: . . .
Ariel: No words can describe that perversion.


No words indeed...:X

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Frankie: *scratching head* How would that produce a reaction? A warg isnt a human and therefore would not be attracted to breasts.
Ariel: Logic.


As I was saying about animals in bestiality fics...

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Ariel: Neither are we. I fully expect each one to have their share of goats, chickens, pigs and cows, judging from the way this fiction is going.


Yeah, me too. I just hope they don't have oliphaunts... :ph43r:

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Frankie: I, on the other hand, would say that they are too large for any of her orifices.


I think she's a shapeshifting alien and can stretch out her orifices to accomodate anything. That's the only explanation that makes sense.

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From captured elves, she learned that Elrond had survived Manets attack and that the elvish story was that she could not bear Middle Earth and had fled across the sea. It was a lie many times over, not the least because she reveled in the depravity and decadence of her life in the orc warrens.


Oh, THAT'S the explanation! Her flight across the sea was all a LIE! Silly Tolkien, with his dumb idea about her being too traumatized from being tortured and poisoned to stay in Middle-earth! No, it makes a lot more sense that the orcs fed her a potion to rape her and turn her into a porn star! <_<

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Hatter: Shes gone down in her lot in life, if shes performing in sex for people.
Frankie: Its the worlds first porn star.


:X :rofl:

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Dracula: Apparently she gave up even attempting to wash it off.


*stunned* Good God, she must smell horrible even to the orcs! Plus wouldn't it itch like crazy after a while?

Wonderful job again, Ariel.
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