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| MST: In the forest; A troll, and a bad one at that. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 8 2010, 06:40 PM (291 Views) | |
| Refia | Dec 8 2010, 06:40 PM Post #1 |
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Paying Tribute to the Past
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MST: In the forest Author: Refia Genre: Humor/MST Text based on: “In the forest” by “Salli-san22” Rating: K Characters: Mastermind, Sesshoumaru, Refia, Mia, Oerba Dia Vanille, Branar, Portgas D. Ace, Ami Mizuno Summary: The day when the sporkers need to return to Stuck in Middle-earth approaches, and Mastermind gives them a warm up for that. Warnings: This has got to be a troll. *Refia, Vanille, Branar and Ace enter the theatre.* Refia: I can’t believe he’s making us spork again! I’m still having nightmares from ‘repopulating Mist’! Vanille: Ditto. Ace: What are you two complaining about? Sesshoumaru is still trying to get the images of ‘I love you my brother’ burned out of his memory, with little success. Anyway, Mastermind, what do we have this time? Mastermind (through the speakers): A little Lord of the Rings troll-fic. Branar: Just great. Legolas was a blonde elf with long hair and tall legs and was really handsome and he liked to wear grey leggings and everybody thought he looked so good in the letter grey. All: Refia: What the…? Dear crystals, we’re only at the first sentence and I want out already! Ace: Sounds like a twelve year old wrote it! Vanille; He looked so good in the letter grey?! People wear letters now? Branar: Grey’s a letter since when?! All: AARGH! ![]() all Refia: Capital ‘A’ there, Salli. Vanille: I think it’s a good thing Ami’s not here. She’d suffer from the spelling, I’m afraid. the girl elfs and the boys wanted to date him All: WHA?! ![]() Ace: Mastermind wasn’t kidding when he said this was a troll. Vanille: Elves date? Like high school teenagers? Refia: Apparently Tolkien did not inform us of that tiny detail. but he didn't want to date any boys and he especially didn't want to date Gimli! Branar: *snorts* Because Gimli is, lyke, sooo hairy and short and beardy! Ace: Well, that too, but I don’t think that’s the point here. Sometimes he thought Frodo and sam had too close of a relationship Vanille: Legolas thinks Frodo and Sam were gay? Refia: Somebody has the stupid. Badly. and he wanted to Ace: He wanted to… what? but he couldn't find any girls he wanted to have that kind of a relationshi[p with! Refia: Relationshi[p? *headseats* Spellcheck is your friend, Salli! Vanille: For that matter, so are grammar, knowledge of and respect for canon and beta readers! Legolas knew that he needed to be with the best girl ever. One night he was walking through the forests of Middle Earth Ace: Which one? Lorien? Mirkwood? Fangorn? Branar (as Salli): Lyke, OMG, theres moar then 1 forest?1! Vanille: *shivers* Don’t do that again! Branar: *glares* I don’t take orders from females. Vanille: Fine. Please don’t do that again? that was by his home and thinking about the dreams that elfs have. Refia: the dreams that elfs have? Ace: I’m as clueless as you. Now the dreams that elves have… Don’t most dream of returning to Valinor someday? And he was thinking about how Arwen and Aaragorn were in love and they were not an elf and an elf and he was wondering if maybe the girl he wanted to be with was not an elf at all... but SOMETHING ELSE. Vanille: What? SOMETHING ELSE? Refia: Yes! SOMETHING ELSE! Ace: Okay you two, stop that. Branar: *pulls a mini-Balrog from under the seat* What do we do with Aaragorn? Lost in his thoughts, he tripped over a mighty oak and he fell face down SPLAT in the water! Branar: *laughs harshly* What a whimp. Refia: He fell face down SPLAT in the water? Ugh, I’m getting a headache. Vanille: You and me both. He was drowning! All: HE WAS DROWNING?! ![]() Ace: Legolas has eaten a Devil Fruit! He can’t swim! ![]() Vanille: *wipes away tears of laughter* Oh common, Salli, at least try, would you? ![]() The water made little waves all upstream and downstream! The water cloudled up into his lungs! Branar: Cloudled up? Ace: Right, moving on. And he chocked! In the icy fingers of the water! Vanille: Chocked? Refia: Water has icy fingers? Wow, that’s some messed up liquid. Unknownst to him someone was listening! Ace: The word you’re looking for Salli, is ‘unbeknownst’. Vanille: Someone was listening! *gasps* Who could it be! Such a mystery! So exciting! Branar: *throws an empty bottle of whiskey at the redhead* Stop copying the troll, woman. Vanille: *rubs her head* Brute! In the water a dark shape lurched! All: Uhuh… Tiny bubbles came up and tickled Legalas's chin! Refia: *fishes another mini-Balrog from between her and Vanille’s seats* Aww, Legalas is so cute! And his chin is ticklish! *sets Legalas next to Aaragorn* HE tried to open his eyes but the water burned his eyes with its icyness! Ace: *bored* Burning with icyness? Never heard of that. Now, ‘burning’ with iciness, now that’s more commonly known as frostbite, I believe. Refia: The author needs to stop with those exclamation marks. I’m beginning to think she has a fetish for them. All he could feel was with his elf senses a shape nearby. Vanille: What’s a ‘with his elf senses a shape nearby’? *Silence.* Vanille: Thought so. A strong arm reached around his sculpted waist Refia: He’s a marble statue now? Branar: Just like that prissy Edward Cullen. *Refie and Vanille wince.* Vanille: Don’t say that name! and he felt two other small things wrapping around his legs and he wondered WHY? Ace: We’re wondering the same thing. WHY?! I aam drowning, he thought. Refia: Oh, he’s fine. It’s not like he’s drowning or anything. If he were, he would have thought ‘I am drowning’, right? Vanille: Yup. Maybe I need to drown. Branar: Well, if you wanna be free of all the Sues, then yes, death is a must. Maybe it's my time to die. Ace: He sure accepts that quickly, huh? Refia: So did you. Ace: My innards were burned to a crisp by a fist of magma. Of course I knew it was time to die. Refia: Good point. He fell limp in the grasp of this creature. Somehow he felt comfortable and warm like home. He was happy! This must be what it's like to finally die. Vanille: Ehm… Sure… Whatever floats your boat. Weirdo. Branar: All the suffering at the hands of Sues finally shredded his sanity. But then, he felt the warm air around him. He was nestled against some wet moss that grew on the nobbly knee of a nearby tree Refia: Time out! Trees have knees? Ace: Yes, nobbly ones. that grew tall into the sky and he looked up at it, looking blurry. A face with a golden halo looked at him. "Are you an angle?" he asked. All: Branar: She sure is! One of sixty-five degrees! A soft voice chortled. "No silly I'm not an angle! All: DUH! I did just save your from the water though b/c you were drowing!" Refia: See? He never was in any mortal danger. He was just drowing, not drowning. Vanille: b/c? How lazy can bad authors get? Ace: As you can see, very lazy. Lesgles eye was still fuzzy. He blinked a few couple of times and beheld the most beautiful creature his elfen mind had ever imagined! Refia: His elvin mind, however, thought she was the ugliest spook he had ever placed eyes on. Ace: *dives under the seat in front of him and resurfaces with another mini-Balrog* Here, put Lesgles with Legalas and Aaragorn! "Who are you!" he sighed orally! Branar: As opposes to sighing anally. Vanille: Isn’t that called farting, normally? Refia: *retches* You two, shut up! Ace: These exclamation marks are becoming annoying. "I am you're friend. Refia: Hey, an “ has gone missing! Vanille: Why is she his friend? They never met before? Branar: You’re seriously looking for logic in a trollfic? Idiot. Vanille: Hey! "But how did you save me out of that water? You are just a girl. Refia: Great, it’s sexist!Legolas. He thought, (a very beautiful girl.) He had never before ever beheld such beautiful piercing innocence. Branar: *rubs his chin thoughtfully* Innocence can pierce? Ace: No, it’s just the author trying to be descriptive and ending up sounding retarded. Her eyes were like the pretty girl version of Frodo's eyes. All: Wrong line of thinking there, Legolas!They were shining like that rock that Gilmi showed him one time in those mines! Vanille: Found him! *pulls out a struggling Gilmi from under her seat* It’s mini-Balrog-day, isn’t it? "In my language we call friend melon!" The pretty girl giggled. "Tehehehe." Refia (as pretty girl): Durhurhur, sounds like melon, the fruit! Durhurhur! So funny! "Why are your eyebrows so archy?" "WHAT?" Sally said. "WHY WOULD YOU NOTICE MY EYEBROWS? Ace: A valid question, actually. Branar: Here’s another one: where did that second “ go? "i justn oticed them because they are on your fiace. Refia: Can anybody translate that to understandable English, please? *Everybody remains silent.* Refia: That’s what I thought. They are above your eyes and you eyes are like shining diamoinds of glittering pearl." Vanille: You eyes? Refia: Diamoinds? Ace: Forget what I said about the spellcheck earlier. This girl needs to go back to basic education and relearn her English. Sally hid her face behind her hands. "I don't want to talk aobut it!" Sally wept. Branar (as Legolas): That’s fine, as long as you want to talk about it. "I don't know what yo uwant to talk about," said Legolas forlornly. "I was just noticing what I saw. You have pointy ears like me! Does that mean you are an elf girl?" Her eyes got really big like giant plates. "I WISH!" exclaimed Sally. "Elves are pretty. I'm not pretty!" She squished her face into her hands and wept. All: *wince* Ace: That has got to hurt. Big tears dripped through her fingers. They sparkled Refia & Vanille: AARGH! A sparklepire! Kill it! Ace: Relax, it’s just her tears that are sparkling. Refia & Vanille: Oh. Still, kill her! as they fell through the air and landed on Legolas's upturned chest like empathetic pearls. Branar: Remove the ‘e’ and ‘m’ from empathetic and you’ll have what I think of this attempt at trolling. Legolas's heart felt like a brick of lead. "Don't cry, pretty stranger! You just saved my life. You should be happy!" Ace: He’s got some ego issues if he thinks saving his life automatically means happiness. No offence, prince of Mirkwood. "I AM HAPPY I SAVED YOUR LIFE. Refia: SO HAPPY THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO SHOUT IT! Other: *plug their fingers in their ears* Vanille: Tone it down, Refia! I've seen you in these woods before." "I think I need to be getting back said Legolas. Ace (as Legolas): I have to find the missing “ ! I have to go to a feast that Aragorn and Arwen are having in the forest. Merry and Piipin are bringing their new invention. Branar: *grumbles and reaches under his seat* Here’s another one. *tosses Piipin at Lesgles, Legalas and Aaragorn* Refia: Merry and Pippin are inventors now? Sam will be there with Rose and also the family he has, but Frodo won't be there because he and Galadriel and Bilbo and Gandalf and Elrond all went on vacation to the Grey Havens. All: *stare in shocked silence* Refia: The… the author has no idea what going to the Grey Havens means, does she? Vanille: That, or she doesn’t care. Mastermind said this was a troll, remember? But everyone else will be there. Even Glimi. He's a dwarf." Ace: There’s another one hiding inside a broken lamp! *shoots a small blast of fire at the mini-Balrog, which falls down into Ace’s outstretched hand* Glimi, you’re going to join the others. There will be bacon. Vanille: How come your powers worked just now?! I thought Mastermind disabled them! Mastermind: I wanted to have you find the mini in a different way than searching under the seats. That gets boring fast. "Cam I come with you? I feel a kindredship between us and don't want to loose that, no matter what happens." Her eyes shined. Refia (as girl): Even though I’ve just met you… Hey, look, shining eyes! Now ignore my lack of personality and be dazzled! Vanille: *pretends to be dazzled* Legolas's eyes shined back at her, gleaming with compassionship. "Your right!" Ace (as Legolas): And my left! He said, and she knew it because she saw it in the fluctuating depths of his pristine orbs. Branar: I’m feeling the strong urge to bang my head against the wall until there’s a dent in my helmet. Three guesses why that is. The innocence of his soul was shining there like that many sparkling Tiaras. Legolas slowly got up to his feet and was shaking in his legs because he was cold. Ace: Thanks for clarifying! I thought he was shaking from lust and desire to-! Refia: SHUT UP! After ‘Repopulating Mist’, I’ve had enough sex jokes for the rest of my life! Sally was still on the floor. Legolas extended a hfriendly arm to help her up. "Let me help you to your feet," he said genteely. Sally CHOKED. All: Hurray! She’s dead!"I wish you could!" she proclaimed mournfully, tears blurring in her lavendar eyes like little pools of sorrow. Vanille: Not that hard, really! He just has to outstretch his hand to you, you accept it with yours, and he pulls you to your feet! Legolas then noticed the curling pink scales that extended from Sally's lower torso, curling up, that extending into a pink and yellow and orange curl. All: What? ![]() "You have a tail," he noticed. Branar: Thank you, captain Obvious! "You are a siren? Odisseyus told me abou tthose!" Ace: Who? Alright, I’m lost, what the heck is Legolas talking about? Refia: I have no clue and frankly I don’t give a damn either. Let’s move on. "If we wait till the sun goes up I can have legs," sally splained. Vanille: She what? I thought she was going to explain why she had a tail, but apparently not. "Well, let me carry you to the palace All: WHAT PALACE?! nad I will put you outside of the palace untill the sun starts to rise and then you can join the feast. Sally smiled up at him and his heart began to leap. "But if you have to do all that that is to much! You don't need to do that. I'm such a horrible person burdening yo uand you're so pretty and I'm so not and I deserve to die because I'm different and nobody likes me and and and I was hiding in the stream to get away and then I found you and I caused you trouble too! I'm just a pestilence! I am a total pestilence! " she sobbed into her tail. All: *Virtual crickets chirp* All: AAARGH! LET US OUT, MASTERMIND! ![]() Ace: Just wait until I get my hands on her, I’ll burn her head clean off! He looked at her seriously with a gleam of hope. ""I want you to look into my eyes, beautiful stranger," Vanille: Oh, right, he still doesn’t know her name. And she did. And in them she saw such truth and such loving compassionship. Her soul burst. Branar: And she died. The end. He said, "You could never be a burden. You saved my life! Now come with me and I will take you and put you outside of the palace until you can have legs. I too have seen many strange things in parts of my life. I have seen trolls and dungeons and giant flaming eyeballs and tiny people with hairy feet named hobbits and houses with circular doors that are in hills and houses in trees like my people and giant wolves that look like hyenas which men can ride on in wars and flying dragon things that have skeletons on them in cloaks that were called the dark riders. Refia: Did he just sum up the entire quest in one, single, overly long, ridiculous sentence that would make any grammar nazi commit suicide? Vanille: Yes, he did. Refia: ![]() You are definitely not as strange as some of these things! In fact you are so beautiful, you are far more wonderful than anything else I have eve rseen. Even some of those jewels that Gimlie showed me." Ace: Forget it. Get Gimlie the mini out yourself, Mastermind. Branar: Six mini-Balrogs in one chapter. Has to be a record. And Logolas reached down and picked her up in his strong arms and they walked back to the palace. Branar: Correction: seven mini-Balrogs. Vanille: I’ll take these cuties with me and see if there’s any bacon in the house, then put them up for adoption. *Vanille leaves with the minis.* Refia: And I’m in need of a drink. I never want to spork a trollfic ever again. You coming, Ace? Ace: You bet, I want some of that stuff you’ll be having. Let’s go Branar. Branar: *mutters a foul Skrall curse* Shitty troll. I want to crush her skull with my bare hands. *All leave.* Review here, please. |
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[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” [/align] | |
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HE WAS DROWNING?! 
She’s dead!




3:23 PM Jul 11