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| Bara Koorome (reviews); unload your sorrow and anger here. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 14 2011, 09:58 PM (319 Views) | |
| athenarena | Aug 14 2011, 09:58 PM Post #1 |
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Master of the Rings
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The story can be found here: Bara Koorome |
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I am currently taking donations, for Everton FC. I am afraid that our chairman has forgotten to cough up. So if you could hand me a penny and I will dance for you :P. I am the monkey and you hold the box, so be nice with that. I don't want to dance like that! Creative Insight | |
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| Amarth | Aug 14 2011, 10:15 PM Post #2 |
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Rising Again
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Well, the first thing would be to make riffs shorter. I personally have the problem with this myself, so maybe I shouldn't be pointing the finger, but... Maybe rant the first time you write, re-read it before you post and cut out unnecessary parts? Maybe you can put them in later on.Re-reading would be a good option anyway. Since you have worked off the steam first time around, you might notice something to poke fun at, like this one.
Though it's totally okay to explode at stealing Elrond's flame.
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"I dance the dance of the fool and pray you find me mad for if you lay hands upon the root you'll know me, without illusion and find me guilty of the truth."-Malkav's Words "LEGOLAS! YOU ARE HEIR TO THE THRONE OF MIRKWOOD! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE YOUR WAY WITH RANDOM GIRLS IN CLOSETS!"-Glorfindel, "Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around" by crazyroninchic "Dear Harry, If Voldemort kills us, we turn into sparkly vampires. Can we panic NOW? Sincerely, Ron" “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.E- Albert Einstein My Tolkien fanfic recs Anime and manga fanfic recs Book and game fanfic recs ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
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| MackenzieW | Aug 15 2011, 03:42 AM Post #3 |
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Resident Time Lady
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Watch your own tenses. This is the only line in that part that you write in present tense. It's is jarring.
The police don't investigate runaways that quickly, Suethor.
That sentence makes no sense.
Okay, I actually give the author credit here. The character has just landed in Middle-earth from our time. It seems Bara is one of those Sues who has little to no knowledge of Lord of the Rings. Since this is told in first person narrative, it's perfectly understandable that the Sue thinks the Hobbits are initially children and doesn't understand that they are adults. Get mad only if the Sue learns otherwise and continues to treat them this way.
I would advise writing that this way: "All: Of course she had!" It looks better than how you have it. I agree with Amarth that your riffs tend to run on the long side. While you may have a lot of information you want to get out, you have to consider readers. I tended to skim over your riffs just as much as I skimmed over the story. I had to force myself not to. Rants are good--but only effective if used sparingly. I also advise rereading. Besides finding more things to poke fun at, you may also pick up on your own writing errors. Any other questions, don't hesitate to ask! |
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You are the music while the music lasts--T.S. Eliot "Stop the damn texting and pick up a book!"--Grandmama, "The Addams Family" (Musical) "Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps alive the ideals of freedom and a better life." —Walt Disney "I wake in the loneliness of sunrise When the deep purple heaven turns blue And start to pray As I pray each day That I’ll hear some word from you I lie in the loneliness of evening Looking out on a silver-flaked sea And ask the moon Oh how soon, how soon Will my love come home to me"--"Loneliness of Evening," Cinderella "Thank you, Lord You have brought us Safe to shore Be our strength and protection ever more. A Thiarna dean trocaire A Chriost dean trocaire A Thiarna dean trocaire A Chriost dean trocaire"--Heartland, as performed by Celtic Thunder I'm writing a novel! A Guide to Fanfiction for Dummies! My Little Corner I'm on Book Country! | |
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| Refia | Aug 15 2011, 03:02 PM Post #4 |
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Paying Tribute to the Past
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One line in and already we know this much. That HAS to be a record. And Bara Koorome is a ridiculous name. Sounds more like something you'd name a planet or one of its moons.
Not bad at all! Though it is another record.
That's rather harsh, Lancelot. ![]()
It's such a plot hole anyway. Why did nobody else find that stone? Where did it come from? What, were the Valar drunk one day that they just decided to toss random enchanted jewels across the dimensions?!
You'd be surprised how fast yiou go out of character when reading badfics.
I long gave up even daring to hope for one. English = Westron, just go with it. ![]()
They never get that, the idiots.
That never happens, unfortunately. ![]()
They never get that, either. *sigh*
I have some oil here, and a scrub. Want me to make you all shiney again? ![]()
While your anger is justified, you have to admit that for someone who dropped in Middle-earth with no knowledge of it, Hobbits would appear as children. But still, any rage against the Sue and her author are good. ![]()
Alas, I fear you are correct, Ellen.
Thrice a Sue! This one doesn't exactly overflow with originality, does she? :mellow:
To be fair, Lancelot, this story is bad enough already without the Suethor copy-pasting the film script.
Damn straight! And I really, really have to wonder why not a single one of these authors realises this? And age is no excuse, just look at Angey. Do they all really think they're creating a wonderfully original, likable character? Doesn't any of them ever wonder how they would react if they came across their own bloody Sue?! Aargh, I hate the lack of logic. <_<
The day any of the Suethors realises this is the day pigs learn how to fly.
When are they ever not? *sigh*
This is really the standard GIME format. Nothing new, nothing original, and certainly nothing interesting.
I want a dodgy joke here, if only to break up the boredom of this shitty fic. :mellow:
Shits and giggles? ![]()
What a disturbing suggestion, Galahad!
You said it! This is too much. This is just too much. It took all of Elrond's skill (if I remember well) to heal Frodo! ALL of ELROND's skill, Elrond being one of the last powerful Elf lords of Middle-earth! Gaah, what a horrible Sue. She's just so stereotypically standard and bland. She's the type of Sue you link to when asked "what's a Sue?". "Just read this, that's your standard Sue," and this link, that's all you'd need to make people understand. Good luck with this, Rena. *gives alcohol* |
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[align=center]“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” [/align] | |
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| MD1618 | Aug 19 2011, 08:07 PM Post #5 |
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Seer of Visions
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It's a bad sign for the author, but not for the sporkers! ![]()
Heheheh. ![]()
Agreed!
I have to do this a lot. Typically I re-read at least three or four times (including when I add BB Code) before posting. Sometimes I add a line or two, sometimes I remove or condense. Sometimes I break a complex thought up between several sporkers, when I can do so while staying reasonably true to their characterizations. Remember: The rule of funny is "The shorter, the funnier." Or something like that. The advantage of this is that, when you do let a character go on a lengthy rant, it's more effective because it's unusual. |
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“Lust. What a strange fate that we should suffer so much angst and annoyance over such a small thing.” Why, it’s the wonderful magic of wish fulfillment! Do, or do not. There is no think with the Mary Sue. | |
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Maybe rant the first time you write, re-read it before you post and cut out unnecessary parts? Maybe you can put them in later on.













3:13 PM Jul 11