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King Crimson vs The Empire
Tweet Topic Started: Jun 29 2007, 01:14 PM (170 Views)
Post #1 Jun 29 2007, 01:14 PM Dark-Crusader
The Great Crusader Empire has Reigned for 4 long years. The Emperor, Dark Crusader, has control of almost all of Europe. All except for current day Poland, Ukraine, and Belarus which are under the command of an overly self confident King Crimson Knight. Currently current day Russia, Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Sweden, Norway, and Lithuania are under the command of Lord Craggon, warrior and third in command of the Empire. From Germany to Turkey was under the command of Lord Seeds, second in command of the Empire. And France, Spain, and Portugal is under the command of Lord DaFranker, fourth in command of the Empire.

King Crimson was cornered in within his relatively small kingdom. Enemies on every side with no way to escape. His allies are south of Spain in Africa. With no way to get reinforcements, due to Lord Seeds men on the shores of Denmark and Lord Craggon's men on the shores of Sweden, who's arrows lit on fire bring down King Crimson's ships.

Lord Gamenac, King of current day Morocco, Algeria, and Tunisia landed men on the shores of Italy and Greece to draw the armies of Lord Seeds away from Crimson’s Borders. That way Crimson could focus on Craggon’s armies to the north. Because he was greatly out numbered, Lord Crimson was on the Defense so the battles would be held in his lands. Craggon had divided his army into 3 separate armies. His personal army was made up of 300,000 foot soldiers, and 50,000 archers and 25,000 Calvary. The second army led by Sir Flak was composed of 100,000 foot soldiers, 10,000 archers, and no Calvary. The third led by Sir Grunt of War had 150,000 foot soldiers, 15,000 archers, and 10,000 Calvary. Crimson divided his defenses in to three armies as well to protect the three lands in which he governed. 200,000 foot men, 100,000 archers to defend Belarus, 75,000 footmen, 25,000 archers to defend Ukraine led by Sir Hoppy, and 100,000 footmen and 50,000 archers to defend Poland led by Sir Garco. King Crimson stayed in Belarus to help defend it.

At first light, on the third Tuesday of September Sir Flak moved his men into Ukraine and set up position just outside Sir Hoppy’s archers’ aim. That night under the sheet of darkness Grunt of War moved his men into Poland and led a surprise attack catching Garco’s men off guard. They couldn’t take control of the fortification before morning but dealt a crippling blow to Garco’s forces. Garco had roughly 50,000 footmen and 15,000 archers remaining at the end of the night. While Grunt of War had only lost 13,000 footmen. Garco, siege with arrows, surrendered the fortress at the end of the day. Poland fell to the Empire. The next day Craggon moved his men into Belarus to cut off his connection to Ukraine. After fully taking control of Poland, Grunt of War was instructed to join Flak in Ukraine to lay siege to Hoppy’s forces. With a combined number of 237,000 footmen, 25,000 archers and 10,000 Calvary, Sir Grunt of War and Sir Flak attacked Sir Hoppy’s 75,000 footmen and 25,000 archers. Within hours they breached the walls and slaughtered all of Hoppy’s men and claimed Ukraine for the Empire. After there Victory Sir Grunt of War took 150,000 of the remaining 210,000 footmen, 10,000 of the remaining 13,000 archers and the remaining 6,000 Calvary. He Joined with Lord Craggon’s army for the combined numbers of 450,000 footmen, 60,000 archers, and 31,000 Calvary against King Crimson and his “army” of 200,000 footmen and 100,000 archers. Before the battle even started King Crimson seeing his demise surrendered to the Empire. Because King Crimson surrendered before the battle, Emperor Dark Crusader made him lord of Ukraine and gave the domain of Poland and Belarus to Lord Grunt of War.

this is the map used for the story, use it to get better understanding
http://www.lib.utexas.edu/maps/europe/europe_pol98.jpg
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Knight of the Unholy Order
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Post #2 Jun 29 2007, 01:30 PM Craggon
Nice, when i said numbers i didnt mean that many, but it was more indepth. I am disappointed with the Dark Crusader Emperor's decision on letting Lord Crimson live and be a Lord in his Empire. I guess it depends on the person, if i wrote it i would have had him killed and moved in a different Lord, one proven loyalty, and one you can bend to your will confidently.

But it was a mistake not giving me Deutschland, you shall pay for this. :orc: Raise the Army! The conquering of Deutschland and making it our capital is imminent!
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Si vis pacem, para bellum - If you want peace, prepare for war
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Post #3 Jun 29 2007, 01:41 PM Dark-Crusader
well in the next story ill expand and i promise you Deutschland, and i weakened Crimson's power but i did give some land and power to Grunt of War, i should of said Crimson is a low ranking lord. But he is more of a puppet to keep the people he leads in line.
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Post #4 Jun 29 2007, 01:54 PM InfernoTsunami
Much much much better. The outcome of the military's movements was nicely done, although the battles could have been gone into more in depth. But over all, much much better. I look forward to reading the next one now, good jobe. Keep striving to improve though, or you'll go back to writing three word stories
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Post #5 Jun 29 2007, 01:57 PM Dark-Crusader
im sorry to say but currently you are part of the resistance Gamenac, unless you personaly want me to have your guy join the empire, eventualy he will die at the hands of DaFranker or seeds in the story.
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Post #6 Jun 29 2007, 02:17 PM InfernoTsunami
Haha, thats fine if my character dies, as long as its a cool death *wink wink* *nudge nudge*
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Post #7 Jun 29 2007, 02:29 PM Dark-Crusader
i was thinkin him in a corner begging for mercy. LOL.
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Post #8 Jun 29 2007, 02:33 PM Dark-Crusader
ATTENTION THERE WAS BEEN A TRIPLE TRADE: crimson will get Poland, grunt of war get Norway and Sweden, and Craggon gets Belarus and Ukraine.


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Post #9 Jun 29 2007, 11:25 PM crimson knight
This is better in that it is longer, but it could still use some elaboration. The characters of the story seem to be insignificant because they really don't actually do anything. Instead of just saying, "so-and-so's army beat so-and-so's army," you could actually incorporate characters and narrate battles. Use words to paint a detailed picture of how the battle unfolded. What important things happened in each battle? Did any important people die? Who were the heroes and what did they do to become a hero? You have to predict what questions the reader will have about your story and somehow give a satisfying answer. As your story stands, the reader is only given numbers. Quite frankly, numbers are boring. There are several good points to your writing, I will admit that. However, no one ever got better by concentrating on what they do good. You must improve your weaknesses so there is no question of your writing prowess. Also, it is very anticlimactic to have your main enemy give up in the last paragraph. I hope to see some improvement next time. Maybe I'll write a little something myself some time. :kefkalaugh:
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Post #10 Jun 30 2007, 02:26 AM Gamenac-Windows is for queers
Sorry for the guest post...Linux is currently installing on my comp...My power supply was delayed...Anyways:

Notice a trend here Dark Crusader? You have to include more detail. See what you want to happen in your mind, then describe what it looks like, what it feels like, what it sounds; tastes; smells; etc. like. That always helps me write...You don't even have to make it long, you could make short posts with a great amount of detail, then just continue by adding on with the edit button, or post down below. It is a bit better though..
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