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A Tale
Tweet Topic Started: Jun 30 2007, 09:40 PM (124 Views)
Post #1 Jun 30 2007, 09:40 PM AZNguns
This is something I've been working on for a little. I'm not sure of the quality but I think it's good even though I have to say so myself. You be the judge. :gruntflop: ? or :grunttop: ?  *
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You wade through the grief and the bloodshed. There are corpses around you they bleed the dust of the ancient Earth. You reach the mountain and climb it till you reach the summit. There he stands, the Dark Lord, the Ungodly One, the Bane of Redemption. He laughs at your feeble attempts of glory.
There is a flash of lightning and the boom of thunder and the corpses at the bottom of the mountain rise to watch your defeat. You roar, a roar that shakes the foundations of the heavens themselves. The gods peer down in wonder at the task your are about to perform.
Flames arise and a great conflagration burns a symbol in the sky, a lion and a dragon in battle. You smile at the image and draw your sword, it howls in anticipation in the coming blood-drawing. He pulls out a massive scythe it drips blood, the blood of men, the blood of women, the blood of children, the blood of the universe.
You are the last warrior, the last champion, the last messiah.
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Post #2 Jun 30 2007, 09:41 PM AZNguns
Octalion drew his bow and set the arrows he had put to the string alight through magical means. He let them loose into the air and they multiplied from four arrows, to six, to eight, till there was over fifty whistling through the air towards the enemy. They tore threw their ranks as Octalion fired volley upon volley. The Drow was cackling as the battle before him turned into a massacre and a rout. But as Octalion was about to finish off the remaining soldiers. Mentius appeared with his hammer shining through all of the fallen. He revived the dead and healed the dying and lead the attack once more.
“On my brothers! On on! On till the crimson rays shine! On till the gods descend! On till the universe dies! On on!”
Octalion’s brow furrowed and his eyes darkened. He summoned his army from the depths of hell and the skeletal minions that were the dead. They met Mentius in the middle of the field and there were clashes like thunder as sword met shield and axe met bone. As the hand of grief gripped the hearts of Mentius’s men a horseman appeared on the horizon. Bearing the standard of Giselle, Master of the Equine Kings and empress of the Valkyrie Sunstriders. She rode down the hill followed by hundreds, thousands even of her Sunstriders.
Trained in arts sharpened and honed in the fires of war, they are the epitome of cavalry with peers among none.
Their hooves caused a calamitous thunder as they charged down the malicious forces bent on the destruction of Helias. Giselle, with a rage of such magnitude they say that it woke the Giants of Dreamless Night, hurled dozens of javelins into the midst of those godforsaken creatures. At the head of a massive wedge she fought her way through to Mentius eventually meeting up with him in the center of all that chaos.
But with him was the Drow, Octalion, and they were in the middle of a battle that would be recorded in the histories of Helias for eons to come.
The Drow seeing that he was outmatched two to one summoned his FelHeirs. His sons by a misguided mortal woman were twisted into shades of their former selves. Armored by the blacksmith of Hel himself and armed with the naginatas of frost and flame they were the top two generals of the Drow.
Octalion ordered them to charge in his language of the dead and they did exactly as ordered. Almost floating towards Mentius they crossed naginatas and slashed at him to which he easily jumped over. He cast his holy brand of magic upon them and it left them stunned and the shadows that consumed their body started to fade. Giselle charged down the two crippled warriors and sent a javelin hurtling through their sinister brows. They slumped to the ground and let loose a sigh of relief, finally released from their agony. With Octalion left to finish, Mentius charged the dark Drow, his arms pumping, his legs burning, his hammer gleaming as if the morning sun was rising out of it. As he came within five feet of the Drow he realized something…something was darkening around Octalion. A blaze grew around the dark Drow; two Infernals rose out of the ground and engulfed Octalion. Mentius backed away and as Octalion disappeared into those cold flames Mentius heard the cackle of Octalion one last time. Octalion crushed Mentius under his foot and the grinding of his bones echoed across that field of death.
Giselle felt her heart rend into a hundred separate pieces and she went into a battle frenzy. Being one of Mentius’s closest friends she felt the impact of his death greatly. They had been born and raised together, Giselle even had some lingering affection for him but now he was gone. You cannot revive a mass of flesh and bones that has turned to dust. Giselle in her madness charged the flaming titan that Octalion had become, her lance tipped with a poison that reached its potency at 200 years of aging was directed at where she assumed Octalion now resided, in the heart chamber of the beast. The heat searing her flesh and scorching her hair was as intense as if she were in the heart of a furnace. But on she rode, rode for a crimson dawn, on till the gods would descend, on till the universe would pass, she rode on. As the tip of the lance entered the creature, the warriors of Mentius and Giselle’s Sunstriders gained heart, the fires of courage consumed them whole.
With an untiring arm and a sharp sword they beat back the demons of Octalion, they beat back the darkness, as was always the case. Giselle impaled the giant infernal and her lance entered the center of Octalion. And as he felt his bones snap and his heart stopping he cursed the land, cursed it with his darkness, his blight, his soul. From that point in the field an expanding circle of decay grew larger and larger. Grass died, trees in their prime fell and shriveled, and even the consumers of carrion were struck down by the curse. And Giselle, her skin seared black, and bald as a vulture was turned to a statue. A sentinel with forever gazing eyes till she is released from her prison.
 *
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You wade through the grief and the bloodshed. There are corpses around you they bleed the dust of the ancient Earth. You reach the mountain and climb it till you reach the summit. There he stands, the Dark Lord, the Ungodly One, the Bane of Redemption. He laughs at your feeble attempts of glory.
There is a flash of lightning and the boom of thunder and the corpses at the bottom of the mountain rise to watch your defeat. You roar, a roar that shakes the foundations of the heavens themselves. The gods peer down in wonder at the task your are about to perform.
Flames arise and a great conflagration burns a symbol in the sky, a lion and a dragon in battle. You smile at the image and draw your sword, it howls in anticipation in the coming blood-drawing. He pulls out a massive scythe it drips blood, the blood of men, the blood of women, the blood of children, the blood of the universe.
You are the last warrior, the last champion, the last messiah.
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Post #3 Jun 30 2007, 10:01 PM crimson knight
Very nice. It seemed a little abrupt at the beginning, but you filled in most of the missing details nicely. Overall good job.
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Rie Kugimiya>>>>>Norio Wakamoto
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"I don't think tails are necessarily a turn off." --Anonymous friend

Currently Watching: Bleach, Asura Cryin', Hayate no Gotoku Season 2, To Aru Majutsu No Index
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Post #4 Jul 1 2007, 12:40 AM Craggon
Nice story, i only really saw two things pop out at me that didnt seem to be in place. Firstly, minor detail, but there was a cluster of Octalion's in one area, could replace with he as long as it shows who 'he' is. I did like how you did 'the drow' in place of his name in some areas. Secondly, Valkyries arent warriors, they choose and carry the souls of heroes to Valhalla, and never actually fight. I love ancient/medieval times and their mythology and this just came to mind as i saw that.

Apart from those, nicely done. I like the ending how a cliche "good will always conquer evil" is twisted and made into something new. Was a bit upsetting at first seeing the raw power of the commanders, though, but the way they use that power and the number of them on each side of the fight evens it out, which revived my interest.
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Si vis pacem, para bellum - If you want peace, prepare for war
WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MEN!
WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MEN!
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