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The Treaty of King Gamenac; another crusader story :)
Tweet Topic Started: Jul 4 2007, 09:25 PM (160 Views)
Post #1 Jul 4 2007, 09:25 PM Dark-Crusader
It has been 1 year since the fall of Crimsons kingdom. Crimson himself has been dead for 3 months. It is believed that Lord Craggon had sent an assassin to eliminate him and seize his land. Before Crimson's demise, Craggon traded Sweden and Norway for Poland and Belarus with Lord Grunt of War, then traded Poland for Ukraine with Crimson, to solidify his borders. Now since Crimson is dead Poland is up for grabs. Luckily, Lord Craggon, being one of Emperor Crusader's most trusted Lords, was able to convince him to give him Poland.

Another two years passed and Lord Seeds has captured many Kingdoms in Africa. Lord Seeds has captured and currently rules: Libya, Egypt, Sudan, Chad, Niger, Nigeria, and everything west of Niger except Morocco and Algeria witch are both west but under King Gamenac's rule. Since Seeds migration to Africa, Dafranker gained BELGIUM, Italy, Switzerland, and NETHERLANDS. Grunt of war gave up Norway and Sweden for Croatia to Romania down to Turkey to Greece. Flak became a lord and got Austria, Slovenia, and Hungry. LORD Craggon received Sweden, Norway, Germany, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Denmark, and Moldova.

Cornered in by the Empire, King Gamenac fearing the same fate as Crimson surrendered to the Empire under the condition that he be made a lord, that he keep his current kingdoms, and that Lord Seeds give him Libya. All of his demands where met.

*This story was meant to be told this way so that i could skip past minor details and get to a bigger story with a much bigger war.*

Maps used while writing story:
http://www.lib.utexas.edu/maps/europe/europe_pol98.jpg
http://www.booksforafrica.org/images/Africa_6_02.jpg
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Knight of the Unholy Order
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LOL Hilarious
Many more funny thins at : http://www.superhonda.com/forum/f17/inspir...al-pics-320779/

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Post #2 Jul 4 2007, 11:25 PM crimson knight
Why not just start with the war then? Its kind of pointless to talk about how everyone that the great and powerful Dark Crusader ever fights just gives up without a fight. Seriously, that's not how it would ever go in any real war with Kings devoted to their people. A true king would fight until his final breath to defend his people.

Anyway, in regards to the style in which this is written. I know you said you were just trying to skip minor details, but the minor details are what makes a story interesting. No one ever wants to hear the bare essentials. The whole key is imagery. If you can't immerse your readers in the story, they will not be interested.

I think a problem you might be having is a planning problem. You need to think out what you want to happen before you write. Once you know what you want to happen in general, you begin to write. Then, as you write, you fill in every detail to add substance to your writing. Even details that seem minor can be very helpful to a reader. You will find you have a much better story in the end, and it will also be longer.

As always I urge you to listen to the comments of your readers as well. The forum provides an excellent writing environment because you get feedback on your writings. You could also find someone to PM your writings to before you post them. An editor if you will. He could read your story, and let you know what needs to be fixed. Well, that's about all I have to say. I'm sure someone else will also put in some helpful tips for you.

-The Crimson Knight
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"I don't think tails are necessarily a turn off." --Anonymous friend

Currently Watching: Bleach, Asura Cryin', Hayate no Gotoku Season 2, To Aru Majutsu No Index
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Post #3 Jul 5 2007, 08:35 PM Flak
'True' King, Eh? Fat chance!
Rather, Royalty would merely remain seated within their throne rooms, feasting upon mountains of grapes and various articles of food.

Also, it seems everyone wants to adopt the '[Hyphen][Name]' farewell.

Question of relevancy aside, I would have to agree with Crimson Knight. This is one of his more dominating statements.
Now, concerning the Story itself, it's not much of a 'Story' at all. It feels more like a planning chart that directs which painfully unoriginal Character reigns over what Country. 'Skip' the minor details? No. A more prominent phrase would be 'Avoid the Minor Details.'

If you want to adapt this into written/typed Literature, you’re going to have to begin at the...Well... Beginning.

-Flak
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Bag 'em and Tag 'em!
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-I thank Seeds for this Banner.
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RPing Information:
Legend by Crimson Knight.
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Status: Mostly Malevolent.
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Post #4 Jul 5 2007, 10:48 PM Dark-Crusader
o crimson is it, hmm, well if you would read it instead of assuming, you would in fact see that the king did just that. he only surrendered under conditions that didn't lead to bloodshed and the death of a countless number of his people. So if you say a true king would look out for his people id say he did.
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LOL Hilarious
Many more funny thins at : http://www.superhonda.com/forum/f17/inspir...al-pics-320779/

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Post #5 Jul 5 2007, 11:02 PM crimson knight
Quote:
 
Cornered in by the Empire, King Gamenac fearing the same fate as Crimson surrendered to the Empire under the condition that he be made a lord, that he keep his current kingdoms, and that Lord Seeds give him Libya.
That says nothing about avoiding bloodshed. It just says he didn't want the same fate as King Crimson. I could only assume that you meant the fate of death as that is the first thing mentioned in the story. In other words, he was covering his ass. If you don't want me to assume things, include the details so I don't have to.

Regardless, you should take heed of the advice Flak and I have given you. It would really help you improve.

--Crimson Knight

(two hyphens FTW)
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Post #6 Jul 6 2007, 06:44 AM Dark-Crusader
well by not fighting he avoided bloodshed
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LOL Hilarious
Many more funny thins at : http://www.superhonda.com/forum/f17/inspir...al-pics-320779/

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Post #7 Jul 6 2007, 08:19 AM crimson knight
I'm not going to try to get my point across to you anymore. You aren't listening to what I'm trying to say.
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