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Burning Skies: Ignis Exuro Cruentus; Part 1: Channeling the Pain
Tweet Topic Started: Sep 9 2008, 09:58 PM (113 Views)
Post #1 Sep 9 2008, 09:58 PM Taceo
My first idea for a novella, not a short story, hope to stick with this one and actually finish it. We'll just see how it goes.


Here's what I have so far:


Epilogue

They city lay blackened and charred before Blaze, nothing remained to stand of the once tall and glorious buildings. The scene before him brought out the darker side of his pleasure, and a twisted smile formed on his otherwise stolid face. Many had died in the destruction that had ravaged this city, but Blaze didn’t care, he had achieved the desired effect with the explosion. He knew that news of this destruction would soon be revealed in all of the other protector colonies and he enjoyed the thought of getting all of that attention. While he was enjoying the site before him, his mind began to wander back to how all of this mayhem and destruction had begun and how he had enjoyed orchestrating it all. It had all started on the very strange day where everything he is, and was, came into a twisted and broken existence.

All Blaze knew was darkness, pure and simple. Darkness was what he heard, what he tasted, what he felt, what he saw, and what he smelled. All he knew and all he sensed, was the total darkness that surrounded him. A horizontal ray of light began to break its way through the darkness and he felt his heart begin to race as the sliver of light grew bigger and bigger until it became everything he could see. He moved his hand up in front of his eyes to block out the menacing light, and to his surprise, he could see his hand move in front of his eyes. He could sense something other than the perfect darkness that surrounded him before, but he was still groggy and his senses were functioning while incomplete. He felt as if he was laying on a cold flat surface and there was a strange blue sheet draped over his body with a hole over his torso. The hand of some unseen person reached toward his hand and pulled it down and to his side. He turned his head off to the side and was shocked to see that he was in a strange coliseum style room with benches crammed full of strange people who were all looking down upon him with a morbid curiosity. He began to feel the presence of sharp objects in his torso and he looked down to see the silver handles of scissors jutting out of the hole in the sheet at odd angles with half of the objects covered in a red liquid from the midline to the hidden points. The pain he was sensing began to grow and soon it became a fully functional sense and the pain caused red dots to swarm in his field of vision and for a low guttural moan to escape his lips. The pain became too much for him and he slowly began to ebb away back into the realm of the unconscious and the darkness consumed him once more.

Fragmented memories fade in and out perpetually during his unconscious sleep. He can’t tell if these memories are real or if they are being created by his mind. He tries to block them out as the gruesome images they contain begin to imprint themselves into his mind. He awoke to find himself rolling on a pale white, tiled floor and clawing at his eyes causing blood to drip from his eyelids and drip down into his open and screaming mouth. The images that he saw were horrible, the pain, the fear, and the hopelessness that he saw still blurred his vision and made him want to break out crying on the floor and roll up into the fetal position. He tried to hold back his tears, but failed and a few drops fell down his face and made a soft plunking noise as they hit the white floor speckled with red blood. He stood and wiped the tears from his eyes and looked around at the room that entombed him. It was a dull and sterile room by all means, four solid walls painted in a hospital white kind of color only broken by a single door on the south wall. The door had a small rectangle cut out of it and electric wires strung vertically in the slot to prevent any escape options he may have had.
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Post #2 Sep 10 2008, 09:24 AM InfernoTsunami
I like the idea behind this short story, although the piece could be cleaned up a bit, it's still pretty good. Good job catalyst!
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Post #3 Sep 10 2008, 09:55 PM Taceo
I went back and changed the viewpoint and I want to know which one is easier to follow. (This is the same thing, but it is a little farther.)




Epilogue
They city lay blackened and charred before Blaze, nothing remained to stand of the once tall and glorious buildings. The scene before him brought out the darker side of his pleasure, and a twisted smile formed on his otherwise stolid face. Many had died in the destruction that had ravaged this city, but Blaze didn’t care, he had achieved the desired effect with the explosion. He knew that news of this destruction would soon be revealed in all of the other protector colonies and he enjoyed the thought of getting all of that attention. While he was enjoying the site before him, his mind began to wander back to how all of this mayhem and destruction had begun and how he had enjoyed orchestrating it all. It had all started on the very strange day where everything he is, and was, came into a twisted and broken existence.

All I knew was darkness, pure and simple. Darkness was what I heard, what I tasted, what I felt, what I saw, and what I smelled. All I knew and all I sensed, was the total darkness that surrounded me. A horizontal ray of light began to break its way through the darkness and I felt my heart begin to race as the sliver of light grew bigger and bigger until it became everything, and the only thing, I could see. I moved my hand up in front of his eyes to block out the menacing light, and to my surprise, I could see my hand move in front of my eyes. I could sense something other than the perfect darkness that had surrounded me before, but I was still groggy and my senses were functioning while incomplete. I felt as if I was laying on a cold flat surface and there was a strange blue sheet draped over my body with a hole over my torso. The hand of some unseen person reached toward my hand and pulled it down and to my side. I turned my head off to the side and was shocked to see that I was in a strange coliseum style room. The room was filled with benches crammed full of strange people who were all looking down upon me with a morbid curiosity. I began to feel the presence of sharp objects in my torso and I looked down to see the silver handles of scissors jutting out of the hole in the sheet. They stood out at odd angles with half of the objects covered in a red liquid from the midline to the hidden points. The pain I was sensing began to grow and soon it became a fully functional sense and the pain caused red dots to swarm in my field of vision and for a low guttural moan to escape my lips. The pain became too much for me and I slowly began to ebb away back into the realm of the unconscious and the darkness consumed me once more.

Fragmented memories fade in and out perpetually during my unconscious sleep. I can’t tell if these memories are real or if they are being created by my mind. I try to block them out as the gruesome images they contain begin to imprint themselves into my mind. I awoke to find myself rolling on a pale white, tiled floor and clawing at my eyes. My nails cause blood to drip from my eyelids and drip down into my open and screaming mouth. The images that I saw were horrible. The pain, the fear, and the hopelessness that I saw still blurred my vision and made me want to break out crying on the floor and roll up into the fetal position. I tried to hold back my tears, but failed and a few drops fell down my face and made a soft plunking noise as they hit the white floor speckled with red blood. I stood and wiped the tears from my eyes and looked around at the room that entombed me. It was a dull and sterile room by all means, four solid walls painted in a hospital white kind of color. There was nothing in the room, nothing on the walls, the floors, or the ceiling, but I had a strange feeling that someone was looking at me from above. The emptiness was broken only by a single door on the south wall. The door had a small rectangle cut out of it and electric wires strung vertically in the slot to prevent any escape options I may have had.

My examination of the room was interrupted by a harsh bang as the door to the miserable room was blown open by an unknown force and a wicked looking man with a perpetual scowl stepped in and stood by the entrance. There were two men in white coats who followed him in and one held a straightjacket and another had a briefcase with a biohazard label on the side. The second man promptly set down his briefcase and undid the latches, allowing the lid to pop open and he reached inside. When he erected himself from his crouched position, he had a large needle and he was filling with a strange greenish liquid from a glass bottle. The bottle had the same large biohazard symbol as the briefcase plastered onto the side. The first man inched his way closer to me and he held the straightjacket in front of himself, like it would protect him from harm. I stood and watched these bizarre men and the first one got close enough to throw the straightjacket onto me and he raced around tying down all of the straps. He had soon finished securing me, without a fight I might add, and he stood back and let the second man take over.
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