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| The Shadow Hunter; this is my Book I wrote a few years back | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 3 2009, 07:58 PM (274 Views) | |
| Post #1 Apr 3 2009, 07:58 PM | Lludeain |
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The Shadow Hunter The Shadow Legacy By: Lawrence E. Sickles Prologue Thandarius, a seven-foot tall lumberjack was swinging his trusty axe Shallowheart, and spotted a slight movement out of the corner of his eye. He set down his axe and rubbed his hands on his beer splashed leather tunic and waited for the figure to come out. “Hmpf. Must be Darkoni comin’ back,” muttered the lumberjack. He turned around to start chopping his tree to find a dwarf running by carrying something. “Ho Dwarf! What is it that ye be carryin’?” Thandarius shouted. “It be a young elfuorian child!” the dwarf shouted as he stopped to breathe. The dwarf, Thandarius noticed, was only five feet tall, in dwarven feet, and had a Mithril axe strapped to his belt with and shield on his back that had the symbol of a bent sword and a sword breaker being held by what looked like the Ice Dragon Nehr’Zul’Akar’Ics. Under the symbol it read ‘Harmony & Chaos’ in dwarven “Jus’ rescued this ‘ne when goblins raided ‘is home.” “Hmmm.” Thandarius thought. Then he wondered, “What type of elf?” “A Nahr’Kreul’Elfuor.” the dwarf said. He knew everyone was aware of the Nahr’Kreul’Elfuor’s relationship with the Fathrten’Dar’Elfuor. “A strange race to be raiding considerin’ their speed n power in combat. A mighty foe indeed.” Thandarius mumbled. He wanted to know why the dwarf took in the elf. “No more questions. I must be home yet!” The dwarf shouted as he sprang off towards home. He reached Mithril Forge without any problems. The dwarf approached the gates of Mithril Forge to be greeted by the guards. “Ho Bruntanidor Bladebender! Nice to have ye home!” Shouted the first guard. “What is it that ye be carryin’ there?” the second guard asked. He did not know that the Nahr’Kreul’Elfuor was Bladebender’s new son. “’Tis a Nahr’Kreul’Elfuor.” Bruntanidor shouted. The gasps of the two guards were audible. “I saved ‘im from a goblin raid three nights ago. He will learn the strength of the Dwarves and the speed and intelligence of the Nahr’Kreul’Elfuor! He will be the greatest warrior from Mithril Forge there ever was!” he boasted proudly. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twenty years passed with the Nahr’Kreul’Elfuor learning the ways of the elfuor and gaining the power of the dwarves. “Now we must name ye, my son. Yer elfuor parents will love you for the name they have given you and the name ye are destined to have. All these Prophecies have been screaming yer name fer the last twenty years! It shall be Lludeain as it was when ye was born and ye must carry it ‘round like a bag on yer back!” Bruntanidor declared. Now it is done young Lludeain, you have a long way to go before you reach home, Go now. Find Decasuis and learn his powers because those powers are essential to you’re finding home. The voice in Lludeain’s head told him silently. So, where do I find this Decasuis? I need directions because I’ve only heard stories of him. Lludeain stated. Very well. About three nights to the west you will find a grove of trees in a plain and there the hermit wizard lives and make his home awaiting to teach you your powers just as he was born to do. The mysterious voice said. “Tervrey Nuchted, V’retah.” Lludeain said to his dwarven father in Nahr’Kreul. He spent the night thinking on when to leave to go find Decasuis. He was suddenly alerted when Bruntanidor’s dwarven son ran in a told him that Fathrten’Dar’Elfuor had raided the forge and we’re trying to drive the dwarves back, this happened every 10 years. Be very careful when attacking these elfuor, Lludeain. They are looking for you because they know that you will stop their advance to control all dwarven cities underground if you complete the prophecy. The silent voice told him. Alright, let me get Harmony and Chaos so we can get this over with. Lludeain sighed with a longing for sleep. Don’t use Chaos on the Fathrten’Dar’Elfuor. Use Harmony and Purity. In order to get Purity you must not be thinking of revenge or killing but of protection, justice, faith, and life. This sword is more alive than Chaos and Harmony, but once summoned it takes a place at your belt for the rest of your days when it goes back to waiting. This, in your case, will be a long time indeed. The Prophecy told him. “Alright then, let’s do this. Arveth D’dreag T’rubnd.” Lludeain secretly hoped for the sword to come and not to come. Alevra M’trane Gruan, Lludeain. Be well. May all your battles be won and may your injuries be small. The voice said as it left. Lludeain cleared his thoughts of the impurities so he could summon up Purity, but the Prophecy forgot, or choose not to, tell him of the other sword that came with Purity—Tranquility—as Purity was born from the Purist of souls, Tranquility was born of Tranquil souls, and thoughts. He did not think it would work but when he was about to give up, two empty scabbards took place at his belt. The Tranquility spawned out of the first scabbard and it had the shape of a scimitar. Then another scimitar spawned out of the second scabbard, Lludeain figured it was Purity. We have long awaited your summoning. Tranquility said ominously. You can now give Harmony and Chaos back to the dwarves for we are now your traveling companions and we will guide you through your duties. Purity said. “Thank you Tranquility and Purity. You will be fine companions indeed. I would be honored to take you two up and travel the distances it will take to fulfill what I am destined to do.” Lludeain spoke in an awed voice. The honor is ours, God of Elfuorian. We have always come to the call of the gods but we are now forever yours to carry and our opposites will join you soon. Purity silently spoke. We, have to travel a long distance to reach the place where the Final Battle will take place. We will need to get ready, and train you as well. Tranquility sang. Lludeain walked out of his room to go find the battle site, and on his way out he caught a Fathrten’Dar’Elfuor sneaking around past the battle. Let us spill the blood of the Fathrten’Dar’Elfuor! We have forever been feared by the Dark Ones and we will strike fear into them once again! Purity shouted in Lludeain’s mind. Lludeain charged the elfuorian and brought him down in seconds. Afterwards, he walked off to find the dwarves again and drive the elfuorian off. Edited by Lludeain, Apr 5 2009, 01:58 PM.
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Teh God of Kats!!!
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"For every man out there, there are at least two battles waiting to be waged. One the man shall win over, one he shall fail. Which one is that? That is up to you to decide. For everyone's fate is their own."
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| Post #2 Apr 3 2009, 08:00 PM | Lludeain |
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Decasuis “Ho, what a battle that was!” shouted Bruntanidor with glee. “If it wasn’t for you Lludeain we all would be eating the dirt today and bloody Fathrten’Dar’Elfuor would be taking over Mithril Forge one-by-one.” “Oh don’t thank me. Thank my two swords—Purity and Tranquility—without those swords I’m sure I could not have done it.” Lludeain said with a profound effort to stifle a laugh. All the dwarves gasped when they heard of the two swords Purity and Tranquility, for those swords were the weapons of the gods and slew anything that was evil. My name, Purity, is just a simple name. My true name is much longer. G’theransrkt Terra Bruteands. That is my name in Nahr’Kreul’Elfuor. ‘The Gleaming Blade of Light.’ as you guys call me, is the name you gave me. The blade spoke to all around him so all could hear his words echo through the forge. My name is also a simple name. The true name of mine is Thrasendaare Mr’ausden. Or ‘Blooming Tranquility’. Some people refuse to name myself with that name. Who knows why, I’ve never been able to find out. The blade of silver glades told him. “Ho, I see yer to be carryin’ those blades after all. I knew you were the one to be walking ‘round with those blades at yer side. O’ course we still have battles to be won and Darkling’s to be slayin’.” Bruntanidor congratulated him. After Lludeain helped clean up the rest of the fight, Lludeain said his good-byes to his dwarven family and set out to find this Decasuis; for he was to show Lludeain the way toward his home. When he set out he wore his new mythryl-link shirt, new fur-lined leather boots for the cold weather, and his racoriun-skin cloak that was bought in a human city to hide his skin color from the people. He wore Purity and Tranquility at his side, and his leather belt had a few pouches lined around his belt, half of them were filled with herbs like, Ignatius Formeuals, and Threasdesa Brathsurs, both had qualities of some pain removal, and healing. After two days of travel he stumbled upon the grove that the voice had told him about and he started laying special traps around to fool the old hermit wizard into them. He only knew that the wizard was a curious person and would go out and check the camp Lludeain had made, and placed traps around. Alright Lludeain, after you learn the powers of Decasuis, we must start gathering the people who will be coming with us to fulfill the Prophecy and save the world. The voice said one night. Where have you been? I’ve been trying to find out when Decasuis will walk in my camp. I’ve been here for four days and still nothing has happened. Lludeain complained. Be patient God of Elves. You have three more days yet to go before he comes. Tranquility told him. The Prophecy is right. After this we have three people to gather. The first one is in a place where all peoples bearing the title ‘Dragonsbane’ meet their end. Now, now Thrasendaare Mr’ausden, we don’t need to give away any trade secrets. The voice paused a moment, then chuckled. What’s this ‘God of Elves’ thing anyways? I’m no god and I don’t think I ever will be one. Lludeain silently transmitted. I only spoke of what time has revealed to G’theransrkt and I as we waited for you to come. Just as the first person to gather will be the ‘Broken Lord of Bane.’ Thrasendaare Mr’ausden told Lludeain. Thrasendaare Mr’ausden that will be quite enough thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go do something somewhere else. Please be well Lludeain and try to keep Tranquility here from saying anything else. The voice said as he left. Lludeain’s thoughts went off as he waited for Decasuis to come. He wondered what Tranquility had meant when he said ‘Broken Lord of Bane’. He shrugged off the thought and started building a fire to warm his bed tonight. Later that night he started to have these weird dreams and tonight was very special in a way. He dreamt he was back in the burning village. “Lludeain, Is that you my son?” a voice said from behind him. “You’ve grown so much! I always knew the dwarves would raise you properly!” spoke a female voice this time. “Who are you guys? I remember hearing your voice before but it’s from my childhood and I cannot remember much.” Lludeain spoke. “I, Lludeain, am your father. I was killed by forty goblins when they raided us, yet I did not let them take me down. I took down all of them but, before I could strike the finishing blow on the last one, he stabbed me in the throat and as I died, my arm swung down and cut his head off. I have always watched you grow up.” Spoke Lludeain’s father. “Instead of calling me dad though, use my true name, Shavreandas.” “So that makes the other person my mother?” Lludeain said as he turned around. “Yes, that is right, my son, I was your mother. But not anymore for you will become all that was prophesized in the Marsead B’hthea.” Lludeain’s mother’s faint voice said. “Go now son, morning approaches. You must wake. We will speak again in two nights before Decasuis appears.” Shavreandas said. Just as his father said those words he was suddenly awakened by a moderately large tiger. The peculiar thing about this tiger was he had no stripes on his body but had the build of one. Lludeain also noticed that the very tip of the tiger’s tail was on fire but the tiger didn’t care. He finally looked the tiger in the eyes and the tigers eyes shone with recognition. Lludeain reached out to pet the tiger but it backed off and sniffed his hand. After a while it decided that it was ok for him to pet the creature. My name is Tragofdaer; I shall become your companion during your journeys until you have no need of me anymore. This task is the only reason why I live. The tiger sent his thoughts to the wild-eyed Lludeain. “You…. You can talk? I though tigers weren’t supposed to be able to talk.” Lludeain said. No I can’t talk, but I can relay my thoughts to you until you learn my language. The tiger said. I must help you in your quest. I am the Stripeless One. “Man I have to read those prophecies one day. I don’t suppose you have one on you huh?” Lludeain joked. Actually I do. It’s there in the pack outside the tent. I was told to bring one because you haven’t read it yet. Tragofdaer yawned. Man keep it quiet over there guys, Purity and I are trying to sleep. Oh, hello Tragofdaer, about time you got here. I thought you were supposed to come after the Broken Lord of Bane. Tranquility ringed. Hello there Thrasendaare Mr’ausden, I was supposed to but the Prophecy said Lludeain needed to get a hand on the copies of the Marsead B’hthea. Trag said. “Alright, I’ll go get the pack. I need the exercise anyways, I might get to rusty.” Lludeain gave in. As he walked out he studied the forest around him, the green trees were quite odd and the purple leaves made it even odder. Lludeain was sure Decasuis had come and figured it was time to set up for his entrance. He grabbed up the pack, only to find out he had a sudden pain in his hand, then it moved up to his arm, later it covered his whole body. Before he passed out from the pain he caught a glimpse of what he guessed was his body undergoing some form of transformation. He quickly recovered and just grabbed the pack and walked inside. What took you so long? We have been waiting for you for a few hours. Trag voiced in his mind. “I had a little problem a while back, I started to get a pain in my hand then it moved to the rest of my body.” Lludeain explained for the next ten minutes what had happened. Already? I swear that wasn’t to come until after Decasuis was supposed to teach you the magic and point you towards The Bane’s End. Tranquility said confused. All right already, Tranquility. You’ve said enough. Now let Lludeain read the prophecies and then find out things by himself. The Prophet said. Well, I must go see another time and do some stuff. Please don’t tell Lludeain any more things guys; you’ll ruin the whole prophecy. Lludeain laughed and opened up the pack to look for the book. He signed at the sight of the thickness of the book and pulled it out. “Is this whole book based on a prophecy of me? Or is just part of it; if not, can I know how far in I have to look in the book for the part on me?” Lludeain asked a little annoyed. This book has only parts of this current prophecy in it. There are other books that also speak of your prophecy but this is the Elfuorian translation. Trag relayed to Lludeain, while licking his paw. “Oh Joy, just what I needed, a bunch of books about me. Why can’t they be about you or someone else?” Lludeain complained and opened the book. What he saw surprised him utterly. “What the hell is this Trag? I can’t read these symbols.” Lludeain looked at the book in utter confusion. You’re looking at the Shadow Elven language. It’s embedded into a Newborn Elfuor of the Nahr'Kruel when they are born. It is the will of their god. Tragofdaer explained with a little hint of boredom in his voice. Lludeain looked at the book slowly figuring out what the book had said. He started to think about the symbols and then he saw a symbol he understood, it looked just like Mithril Forge. He studied the rest of the line and picked up what it meant and smiled. “So it will come to pass that the third child of the half-god Slvandresa and the mortal Shavreandas, Lludeain he will be called and he shall embark on a journey to Mithril Forge. This journey he will take as a babe, upon reaching of dwarven age he will set out to find the Old Mortal called Decasuis.” Lludeain read out loud. He smiled and started to laugh at what was written. Edited by Lludeain, Apr 5 2009, 02:06 PM.
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Teh God of Kats!!!
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"For every man out there, there are at least two battles waiting to be waged. One the man shall win over, one he shall fail. Which one is that? That is up to you to decide. For everyone's fate is their own."
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| Post #3 Apr 5 2009, 10:50 AM | Grunt_of_War |
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Good, Llud, but I think you should put spaces in between your paragraphs and italicize when people are using thoughtspeak (as I call it). It'd make for a much easier read that way, I'd say. As for the context itself, I think it could use some more descriptions. Only putting dialogue and events makes the story feel rushed, and I'm having trouble truly connecting mental pictures with these characters and the settings where these events are taking place. I suppose the story hasn't really gotten too far in yet, since this looks to be the makings of a novel, so I can let some of this slide, but I still do suggest putting in more detail. |
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The Hamburger of Death
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![]() Thanks to Tifa (RPGFO) for this signature and avatar set! Tifa is also taking requests. Just PM me the following: If you want an avvy, sig, or both; the sizes; what pics you want used; any text you want added; and any other specs you have in mind. Just try not to go too overboard. :p | |
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| Post #4 Apr 5 2009, 01:54 PM | Lludeain |
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don't worry it'll happen soon.. the first few chapters are really an introduction though. And sorry about the italics.. not being there... I copied it from word.. I almost cried T_T I'm gonna make lots of changes too. Edited by Lludeain, Apr 5 2009, 02:06 PM.
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Teh God of Kats!!!
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"For every man out there, there are at least two battles waiting to be waged. One the man shall win over, one he shall fail. Which one is that? That is up to you to decide. For everyone's fate is their own."
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| Post #5 Apr 7 2009, 09:37 PM | Taceo |
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It was well written, Llud. But sadly, tis not my type of literature. >> But good luck with it all. ^^ |
Amadare wa chi no shizuku
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| Dead like the heart that rots in my chest. | |
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| Post #6 Apr 7 2009, 09:39 PM | Lludeain |
| bum.... Fantasy is the BEST type of literature. |
Teh God of Kats!!!
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"For every man out there, there are at least two battles waiting to be waged. One the man shall win over, one he shall fail. Which one is that? That is up to you to decide. For everyone's fate is their own."
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| Post #7 Apr 7 2009, 09:48 PM | Taceo |
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I've heard that a lot, and I like some fantasy. But the fantasy types with dwarves and elves and the such never seems to be able to drag me in like other fantasy stories. >> I think the most fantasy type fantasy I like is Stephen R. Lawhead, and that's mainly just celtic lore fantasy. >> Like I said though, good luck and godspeed. ^^ |
Amadare wa chi no shizuku
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| Dead like the heart that rots in my chest. | |
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| Post #8 Apr 24 2009, 07:24 PM | Lludeain |
| This story has been Discontinued due to the fact that I found a better idea to base a story off of, and this story just went by too fast and I'd have to re-type most of it. |
Teh God of Kats!!!
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"For every man out there, there are at least two battles waiting to be waged. One the man shall win over, one he shall fail. Which one is that? That is up to you to decide. For everyone's fate is their own."
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| Post #9 Apr 27 2009, 04:49 PM | Deleted User |
| You have talent, I shall grant you that, and good potential if you work at it. Unlike what grunt was saying, I do not find the dialogue and event style of writing to be all that bad. I rarely ever give my characters more than a name and let them work themselves into an appearance chosen by the reader, but that's just me. I have no idea what other people like/do/expect/etc. I think if you continue working, you will have success. Good luck! |
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| Post #10 Apr 27 2009, 06:17 PM | Lludeain |
| Thanks Faire |
Teh God of Kats!!!
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"For every man out there, there are at least two battles waiting to be waged. One the man shall win over, one he shall fail. Which one is that? That is up to you to decide. For everyone's fate is their own."
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| Post #11 Apr 27 2009, 07:46 PM | Grunt_of_War |
Never said it was bad - just that his descriptions need some work. It may just be me, though, but for the most part some detail is a necessary part of the story. But yeah, Llud, you're a good writer, especially for Fantasy-style work like this. And just as a random comment: nice avvy, Faire.
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The Hamburger of Death
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![]() Thanks to Tifa (RPGFO) for this signature and avatar set! Tifa is also taking requests. Just PM me the following: If you want an avvy, sig, or both; the sizes; what pics you want used; any text you want added; and any other specs you have in mind. Just try not to go too overboard. :p | |
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| Post #12 Apr 27 2009, 08:10 PM | Taceo |
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To put in my opinion on this: It can be good both ways. There are some stories that work better with lots of dialogue and few descriptions, some people just write better that way for some reason. Then there are other stories that are better just because they are very descriptive. Which is how I write, and I'm fairly good at it. The bsic point is, its a good style for you, Llud, because it works for you, but not everyone can write that way and have it end up good. @ Faire: Post some of your works up, I want to read them. >:3 And also, don't worry about what people want or like in a story, that's their opinion, write what you want to write because that makes it easier in the long run. My two cents have been put in. ^^ Edited by Taceo, Apr 27 2009, 08:11 PM.
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Amadare wa chi no shizuku
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| Dead like the heart that rots in my chest. | |
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| Post #13 Apr 27 2009, 08:13 PM | Deleted User |
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I just started writing a new work about fifteen minutes ago. I might have something by the end of the night worth showing. We'll see though. Also, I used to write heavily in the dialogue and action style, but I've progressed into a very in depth style that seems to throw everything together. It's a good place to start though. My only suggestion, go back after you've finished a suggestion, then look it over and see if you can add any extra details. It helps and does wonders. |
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| Post #14 Apr 28 2009, 07:22 AM | Lludeain |
| Eh, I would love to continue this but my ideas that keep showing up in my mind for stories has all but completely erased what I wanted to do with this story, and if i had waited 'til the end to add more details then I would have to look...... about two-hundred pages later. |
Teh God of Kats!!!
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"For every man out there, there are at least two battles waiting to be waged. One the man shall win over, one he shall fail. Which one is that? That is up to you to decide. For everyone's fate is their own."
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| Post #15 Apr 28 2009, 08:48 AM | Deleted User |
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You'll need to learn to bend ideas to your will so that they can be inserted into whatever you're writing regardless. Its why I like writing fantasy and science fiction, because no matter what idea you might have, you can always find a way to stick it in there. Also, on that note, I like to move fairly slowly, doing a page or two a day so that if I do come up with another idea, I can throw it in there with absolutely no problems. One other thing I suggest is writing down all your ideas. Keep them in like a little mini journal thing. So, that way, if you forget what you're doing, or run out of ideas, you'll have a contingency plan in action. I also like to make a little outline of my story as well that contains major events, characters and their descriptions, things and places and the like, just to keep me up to date with my own writing so I don't forget something. xD |
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| Post #16 Apr 28 2009, 03:02 PM | Lludeain |
| Well... if you copied and pasted all i typed on word, it's seven pages long, and took me a month to write. |
Teh God of Kats!!!
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"For every man out there, there are at least two battles waiting to be waged. One the man shall win over, one he shall fail. Which one is that? That is up to you to decide. For everyone's fate is their own."
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