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Issue One
Topic Started: Sep 13 2010, 10:31 PM (643 Views)
Andrew King
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Lumbridge and an angry dragon
By: Andrew King



Some of those who may have been stealing from a house in Lumbridge lately may have heard noises from the basement and went to check it out. When you are down there you see one of the things of your worst nightmares, a dragon. A dragon that is being held off by Sir Vant of Falador. The dragon is thought to be the pet of one of the towns people of Lumbridge named Roddick. We questioned Roddick about the dragon, he denied all accusations that the dragon is his. "The dragon is not mine, it a terrible create that happened to be birthed in my basement. I have no clue on how it got there or how its egg got there." Roddick is obvisouly hiding something from the people of Gielinor.

Many of the towns people of the neighbouring town of Draynor think that it is Lumbridges secret weapon to fight off a Varrock attack. If this is true then Lumbridge can easily win the war with a dragon in their hands. The only way to get an anti dragon fire shield is by talking to the Duke of Lumbridge. He has all supply of them. Varrock could buy them from adventurers and merchants at the Grand Exchange if they are lucky, but still with that kind of advantage, Varrock is fried.
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Andrew King
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Musa Point banana plantation kills 50
By: Andrew King


A major disaster happened on the port-town of Musa Point at a banana plantation. A Gielinorquake caused by the unstable volcano nearby caused 50 of the workers of the plantation to fall down from the 20 foot high trees and die. Many others were seriously injured. "I am now looking for anybody willing to help me for my Banana plantation. I will pay 3gp per banana you pick. So please come by and help." Says plantation owner, Luthas, who is in need of help. Luthas made the statement to all families of the victums of the Gielinorquake "I am not responsible, nor are the Gods, it was pure accident of our planet. I am sorry for your loss. Anything I can do to help, I will."

The families of the victums are having a massive funeral pyre, boat style. Putting all 50 bodies onto a boat and setting it aflame letting them die out at sea. A tradition of the natives of the Island of Karamja. Compensasion will of 10k per family will be given out. Luthas says that it isn't a lot, but it is all he can do, especially with his failing business in the past few years due to the Grand Exchange.

As a personal statement, The People's Press would also like to send their condolences to the shattered families and wish them the best of luck.
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Andrew King
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King Roald admits to secret weapon
By: Andrew King


King Roald reported to The People's Press that he has been taking the gold ore that miners of Varrock of been mining in a now depleted mine to the north. He admits that he was taking it and selling it all for profit. He was buying some kind of secret weapon. A secret weapon known as crayfish. He released the crayfish into River Lumbridge and let them go upstream to breed. "I used to have a crayfish farm when I was little, so I know how much damage they can cause if introduced to a new environment. I never expected them to kill a man. I just wanted the crayfish to ruin the fishing spots in Lumbridge." King Roald sends his sorrow to the family of Jonathan Milton and plans to send them serveral hundred thousand gold pieces to make up for his mistake. Roald claims that he is in cold war with Lumbridge and things happen, so he does not want loose ends to happen, but he knows that they cannot be escaped during war time.
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Andrew King
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Seers and Druids don't mix
By: Andrew King


Once a year, every year, for the past 45 years the town of Seers village and the town of Taverly hold a party to celebrate the two different cultures surrounding around the same concepts and beliefs. The party is held in the same place everywhere, The Burthope's Games Room's basement. This year drunken seers and druids got together and had one Hell of a party. Resulting in fist fights, insults, and Draught tournaments. Competition in the Draught tournament this year led in 3 seer and 2 druid deaths, hundreds more injured. By death count alone, the druids have claimed victory.

We got special V.I.P entrance to the party being the news crew, so we interviewed one of the druids there at the party, Hemanex, one of the champions of last years Rune Links tournment. "I ish gonna kick sum mador druid butt, oh waits I am a druid, haha, I mean seer butt..aah.. yeah.. these seers have no strawberries chance on Ice Mountain to win against meh!" A cocky Hemanex, greatly boasting his skill in Rune Links, also slightly drunk.

We went and found a seer by the name of Tiral, a female seer, she was not drinking, so we asked her why. "Oh you know hun, I do not drink. I do not see any point in it. When I am banging one of these men here I do not feel it if I am drunk. So I myaswell stay sobor. By any chance are you free after the interview?" An honourable seer indeed. Giving up a great past time of drinking liquor and getting shit faced so she can feel men banging her. She went and told us she is not just here for the men. She also likes women, but they are all too drunk in the bathrooms puking. She claims that puking is a turn off for her and that she cannot afford to have a person spewed in vomit eating her pussy out.

The seers won the tournments this year 12-8, but it seems as if the druids got the real victory. The pleasure of having sex with the same non-drunk seer and getting 1 more kill than the otherside. Perhaps this year will be considered a stalemate.
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Andrew King
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Draynor manor is spooked
By: Andrew King


For those who have walked by the old manor on their way to Falador, Lumbridge, Barbarian Village, Draynor Village, Varrock, or even Edgeville they might just tell you they hear sounds. Count Victor Draynor Drakan is/was the owner of the manor. Nobody quite knows what happened to him. Long ago he used to be part of a race of Vampyres from Morytania. The nearby town of Draynor Village was named after him for his blood lust back in the third age. After those days he retreated to his manor to never be seen again. But something in that building happening. Dead trees attack, chairs move, screams are heard, people go in and don't come out.

It is possible that Count Draynor is still alive and roaming the place moving things with his mind and taking victums that come into his abode, or maybe it is just spirits of the people he has slain and their damnation was to be stuck in the manor for the rest of eternity. Either way there is something going on in the manor and it has all of Gielinor scared, even the manor is a bit spooked of itself.
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Andrew King
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Varrock temporaly saved
dragon slain


By: Andrew King


A while back Sir Vant of Falador, a current White Knight, came to Lumbridge to help them tame a dragon. A dragon that he was told that was only a pet, but now he has learned that they wanted him to tame it so they could use it to attack Varrock. Sir Vant had a servent, but the servent died due to a massive dragon fire breathe attack. Luckily adventurers came pouring into help Sir Vant. He distracted the dragon while the adventures went and put meat covered in sleeping potion in the Dragon's lair. They then destroyed pillers killing the dragon. Thanks to the adventurers and Sir Vant. There is no longer a threat. "I almost made a very bad mistake. It goes against the white knight code to do what I was going to do, then again I did not know, but I should have." Sir Vant said an interview with The People's Press.

Duke Horacia is angry that the dragon has been slain and now he has to resort to genocide to get the war to stop. "Before Father Aereck's death he developed what he called a SS-Bomb or Super Swamp Bomb. Father Aereck said that the size of it can take out all of Varrock and possibly parts of Barbarian Village, Al-Kharid, and Lumbridge." We believe that the Duke is serious in using it and there is nothing to stop him. Not even King Roald has a force that can restand that.
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Favourite Gielinor City:

•Al Kharid
•Bandit Camp (Wilderness)
•Barbarian Village
•Crandor Isle
•Draynor Manor
•Draynor Village
•Edgeville
•Falador
•Goblin Village
•Lumbridge
•Mudskipper Point
•Musa Point (Karamja)
•Port Sarim
•Rimmington
•Varrock
•Wizards' Tower
•Ape Atoll
•Barbarian Outpost
•Baxtorian Falls
•Bedabin Camp
•Braindeath Island
•Brimhaven
•Burgh De Rott
•Burthorpe
•Camelot
•Canifis
•Canifis Slayer Tower
•Catherby
•Desert Bandit Camp
•Dorgesh-Kaan
•East Ardougne
•Elf Camp
•Entrana
•Etceteria
•Feldip Hills
•Fight Arena (Khazard HQ)
•Gu'Tanoth
•Harmony
•Hemenster Lakeside
•Jatizso
•Jiggig
•Keldagrim
•Kharazi Jungle
•The Kharidian Desert
•Khazard Battlefield
•Killerwatt Plane
•King Lathas' Camp
•Lighthouse
•Lletya
•Lunar Isle
•Meiyerditch
•Miscellania
•Mort'ton
•Mountain Camp
•Mos Le'Harmless
•Nardah
•Neitiznot
•Enchanted Valley
•Observatory Town
•Oo'glog
•Ourania Area
•Piscatoris Fishing Colony
•Pollnivneach
•Port Khazard
•Port Phasmatys
•Rellekka
•Rogues' Castle
•Ruins of Uzer
•Seers' Village
•Shilo Village
•Sophanem
•Tai Bwo Wannai Village
•Taverley
•Tree Gnome Stronghold
•Tree Gnome Village
•Troll Areas
•Tyras Camp
•TzHaar
•Underground Miscellania City
•Void Knight Outpost
•Waterbirth Island
•West Ardougne
•White Wolf Mountain
•Witchaven
•Yanille
•Zanaris (The Lost City)


Please send us your thoughts on your favourite town on The People's Press Dicussion forum.
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Andrew King
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Varrock Historial Museum Review
By: Andrew King


The Varrock Historical Museum located in Northeastern part of the city of Varrock has everything that involves history. Every quest ever created, it has an articlefact for. Many different creates are on the display in its basement. It is quite the diverse place. If one wishes to extend their education in the field of history and lore then look no further than the Varrock Historial Museum. Every person that works there seems to be very people friendly. It is a very safe environment for children. Suggest that field trips should be taken there and family vacations. On a scale of 1 out of 100 The People's Press gives The Varrock Historial Museum a 92 out of 100. Rated among one the best places so far.
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Andrew King
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Ned racist from the North
By: Andrew King


Within the small town of Draynor Village lies a humble old man. In his freetime used to be a captain for ships. Wondering the oceans, sailing the seas, and hanging people? Yes that is correct. There is a reason why Ned makes rope. Nobody knows what his job used to be when he was a captain, but legend has it he used to be in command of a slave trade boat. He used to enslave goblins for slave labour and sell them to people for very cheap. He was in command of one of the best merchant ships alive, The GSS Salve (Gielinor Sail Ship Salve). He was born and raised in the Kingdom of Misthalin and in his young days realised his goal. He immediatly joined H.A.M (Humans Against Monsters) and with it their goal to eliminate each race that is not Human. So he went on conquest all acrossed the current mapped world. Enslaving many races and hanging those who put up a fight to show power.

So next time you see Ned of Draynor Village and you are not Human, back off.
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Andrew King
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War is over
both sides surrender

By: Andrew King


King Roald Remanis II was assinated today by random person or persons. Given evidence at the crime scene it was done by a fire surge attack, so the person was quite the skilled mage, but now his young son, King Roald Remanis III is now taking over. With the new soverign in charge he declared the meaningless war over and a peace treaty was signed. After many months of constant fighting, struggle, and horror it has finally all stopped. Both sides have agreed to stop the fighting and put an end to the war for the sake of both City-States. The Duke has dismantled the SS-Bomb and King Roald has fallen back on his troops and given the city of Lumbridge a large sum of money. Enough to fix up a few buildings, clean the place up, do whatever the Duke wishes.

But the important thing is, although King Roald the II had to die to stop this war, at least it is over and people can travel in Varrock and Lumbridge without worrying.
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