| Issue Two | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 13 2010, 10:43 PM (726 Views) | |
| Andrew King | Sep 13 2010, 10:43 PM Post #1 |
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Diamond Chatter
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The People's Press Gielinor's Newspaper Table of Contents Page One:
Page Two:
Page Three:
Page Four:
Page Five:
Edited by Andrew King, Sep 22 2010, 12:30 AM.
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| Andrew King | Sep 13 2010, 11:26 PM Post #2 |
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King Lathas condemns brothers city By: Andrew King King Lathas has now declared the west part of Ardougne off limits to anybody. Claiming that he released a disease there to kill off all of them. He claims that it was a haven for criminals and other such peoples. "West Ardougne was owned by my brother intill he got killed recently. So I turned it into a huge prison for criminals. West Ardougne is a concentration camp or prison if you would like, where very high punishments are placed on those who enter. I released a plague within the confined quarters. Those people shall die very slowly and painfully." Said King Lathas in an interview with The People's Press. East Ardougne has a huge problem in crime. Their crime rate has gone up almost double every year now for the past 5 years. King Lathas hopes that the new concentration camp placed in his brother's old half of the city will ward off many criminals that come to steal from the people of Ardougne. King Lathas also says that the Plague is contagious so even if you do see one of his personal guards, the mourners, stay clear. They maybe wearing gear that protects them, but that may also not be full proof he says. The disease he released is nanobacterium. Some spores can seep through the protective gear and infect people. Although the mourners are checked daily for infections, there could be one laying dorment or something. "A break out of the plague could be devestating to all of Gielinor! It would all be my fault also. So I do wish everybody would stay clear of the area for your own safety and for others." King Lathas stated in a letter to The People's Press. The People of Ardougne are disagreeing with the King's statements. Saying they are false and untrue. That there is something else going on inside the West Ardougne walls. Either way it seems the rest of Gielinor has nothing to worry about, unless you are a thief, of course. |
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| Andrew King | Sep 13 2010, 11:27 PM Post #3 |
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Spoiler: click to toggle Varrock gets a makeover with war money By: Andrew King The city of Varrock used some of their money from the Lumbridge-Varrock war from taxes on citizens from new jobs created and tax increases because of wealth rising. When interviewed, King Roald said "In order to keep visitors coming to see the sights of our beautiful capital, we felt that tidying-up the city would be more effective than just issuing a decree and wasting the money of other things." Not only was rebuilding secured and made to look more fancy, a new building was also added. The Varrock Museum. Before it was just a small time business building in the basement of the building that used to be there, but now they tore down that building and replaced it with the Varrock Museum. King Roald urges people to go check it out. |
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| Andrew King | Sep 13 2010, 11:27 PM Post #4 |
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Obituaries Taverly- Valegarth Milfaer, 41, died Essianday, Pentember 17, 5 age-year 170 died by the hands of a Seers Village seer while getting drunk at the party at Burthope's Games Room. At his death he leaves behind his Husband of age 67, Kilaef Milfaer; his son, Linarth Milfaer; and his wife Brusheia Milfaer. Born and raised a druid in the town of Taverly learning many different druidic spells and practising the many different herbal remedies of Guthix. He lived a well educated life. He attended his first day of Druidic school at the age of 3 and graduated by the time he was 10. A very well known and Talented druid for his years on Gielinor. He always thought that his life was fulfilled and that at his age of 41 that he did not need to continue on any further. His life was full. He had his husband, wife, and his son. To this middle aged man of Taverly, that was all he needed. His body was discovered in a chest hidden from view in the Burthope Games room. DNA prints were casted and found that they belonged to a man who recently commited suicide by burning down his house. Perhaps because of guilt of what he did. Funeral services will be held this Gullday, the 21 at the Druidic hendge. His body will be put upon the altar are prayed for. His body will be turned into energy and soaked into Guthix's land of Gielinor soil. Hemenster- Foot marsh, 13, died Duneday, Ire of Phyrrys 3 , 5 age-year 170 died by Human slayer. Foot Marsh, son of Fungus Anger and Meat Wagon, leaves behind nothing but his father and mother. A weeping couple of goblins of the tribe Yurkolgokh. He also leaves behind a suit of his armour and a spear that he crafted when he was age 8. Foot Marsh's corpse was found in a nearby oak tree. Evidentally after the Human slain the Goblin he dragged his corpse and threw it into an oak tree to the south. Left it there to rot. A lumberjack by the name of Lief came about and found Foot Marsh and brought his body to Ardougne authorities and they gave the body to the family. There will be no funeral services the family claims, but they do wish that justice would be brought to the Human that killed their child. Although They are sure in todays society nobody will care that a goblin has been slain. Kharidian Desert- Linda the Camel, 12 (48 Human years), died Caistleday, Novtumber 4, 5 age- year 170, died by heat stroke and lack of water. A camel that will be missed by the owner, Ali Humar Mohammid Asir. The camel left behind fine dung, great meat, and standard hide. All of which is particular useless now. The hot Khairdian sunlight destroyed the corpse by the time the owner found it. Forensic scientists believe it died by lack of water and heat stroke judging by the moisture content and temperature of heat and the micobacterium found at the scene. The Camel will be buried in the sands of the desert in the place where it died. The camel will be missed dearly. |
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| Andrew King | Sep 13 2010, 11:27 PM Post #5 |
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Odd Goblin seen on surface of Gielinor By: Andrew King Citizens In the Lumbridge, Draynor, and parts of Al-Kharid and Varrock have reported seeing an odd looking goblin walking around following a Human. Citizens claim that it is not like anything they have ever seen before. It isn't as short as the other goblins, it is darker, has more hair, no long nose, big eyes, but in the other hand it bends over and speaks like a Goblin. One Citizen, Lachtopher, said "Man I know it was a Goblin when I seen it. I could smell it. It smelled like rotten pickles and raw iron ore. If I wasn't so lazy I would have went after it and slayed it. Although that person that was with the Goblin he was scary!" Lachtopher known for being a bum in the town Surprising gave reporters a lot of information. "Yeah I seen it go into the Lumbridge basement. There is a hole in the wall down there" It seems like Lumbridge might just be having an infestation problem. We went and talked with Sigmund a local that belongs to the group known as H.A.M or Humans Against Monsters. "Yes us in H.A.M have seen it walking around, up and about. We will take care of the matter soon. These Goblins, these monsters, they are a problem to the citizens of Lumbridge. We will take them out. Only one race will previal. That is the Human race!" Sigmund went on to complain about "monsters" for a few minutes. Just before he left. He chucked a dagger at one of our reporters cats. So perhaps this is a new species of Goblin or maybe just a very old one that has been in hiding for a very long time. Either way truth be told. The People's Press will get to the root of the problem soon enough. |
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| Andrew King | Sep 13 2010, 11:28 PM Post #6 |
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Man speaks out prison just might be false By: Andrew King Within the Poison Arrow Pub in East Ardougne lies one drunken man, but a drunken man with a story. He has spread his rumours and his theories all about East Ardougne, a theory that West Ardougne really isn't a prison, it is just a front for something more. "It isn't very guarded for being a prison." He says, " I know they are suppose to be infected with the plague and hence that makes them slow and weak so no need for many guards." Not many guards indeed. There is only about 4 on the outside. They judge if peoole should come in or not. Vistors of the families or state officials. "My theory is that they are not prisons, but the previous people who used to live in the ghettos of West Ardougne. They were given this fake skin condition as a cover front. Then they told the outsiders that the plague is contagous and not to get near, so they sealed it off!" The drunken man claims. Who is going to believe a drunken man though his word is almost as highly valued as the proof of liquor he drinks. A nicely 8.6 proof. Given his word a slim chance at that. |
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| Andrew King | Sep 13 2010, 11:28 PM Post #7 |
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Fishing Guild a society of Fish Lovers An Investigative Report Why does the fishing guild have such a guarded entrance? Why does it require one of the highest requirements for a guild? Is it true that you have to sign a secret pieces of parchment to get in everytime. A piece of parchment that is a confedentionality form of sorts. So I thought I would do some investigating to see if these claims were true. I set foot within the Fishing Guild for the first time, I didn't have to sign a piece of paper or anything, but a man did try to stop me and checked my paperwork and seen if I was clean. He then said "If you say anything outside of this guild about this guild you are fucking dead! Or we will not let you back in" He claims spoiling of what goes on in this guild will have banishment or death depending on how serious the accusations. What I seen next was a terror to my eyes. I seen young and old men sticking their peckers inside of these fishes mouthes. I walked up to one of them, his name is Ned, he is a legendary fishermen from Draynor Village. So I asked Ned what he was doing. "Oh you know just sticking my wang-chung into this fish. This is mainly what we do here. You must be new. You should try it, it feels good." This being what Ned claims is a grand experience. After gaining my proof, I walked out of there. I could not handle it. I knew that after seeing what I saw and the fishing that hardly went on, I had to leave. I just fear that after publishing this paper they may just come after me. |
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| Andrew King | Sep 13 2010, 11:28 PM Post #8 |
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Al-Kharid bursts so it seems By: Andrew King Reports have come in that one of the main piping systems that brings in water to the various businesses and homes in the area have bursted and there is a huge leak. Many of the businesses are flooded and the engineers that worked on the project many weeks ago are now being questioned. A few people in the area believe that it may have just been a sabotage attempt from the Emir. they have been wanting to take back over Al-Kharid into their ruling for quite sometime now. They have tried a few things in the past, mostly political. Hassan says that if one of them are found guilty that he will personally drown them in the town well and turn it red. The leak has caused over 130,000 gold pieces worth of damage. The company that was in control of the piping system is willing to pay for the any damage that has been done. Officials are saying that the leak should be fixed within the next few days and clean water should be make within the desert town soon. |
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| Andrew King | Sep 13 2010, 11:29 PM Post #9 |
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Letters to the Editor Dear Editor: This place, this is a horrid place, and the Duke does nothing about it. He sits on his high horse! He commands us to death and to rot in our own filth! He raises taxes every year by a small percent. I can barly support my family with my fishing job. I am just a humble man in Lumbridge trying to make a living and get by. I see adventurers all the time with riches. How do they get this way? How does a normal citizen like me get such things? Answer is we do not. We sit here, we get taxed, raped, strangled by debt, and then murdered by our own neighbours. This is an outrage! us of the people of Lumbridge demand something be done about the Duke before it is too late. Dear Editor: I would like to just say I appreciate all the effort that the Rising Sun Inn has made to support all of its patrons. Sometimes us addicted customers and loyal servents get a discount on our booze. Just the other day I got a Wizard Mind bomb for 1gp, day before it was on the house. I mean it could be the fact that I am sleeping with one of the bar maids, but to me this can't be it. Either way if it is me fucking the bar maids or me being a drunk and they liking my money, I get a discount and I love it. Hail the Rising Sun Inn in the Saradomist city of Falador! Dear Editor: What is up with all the people complaining or sucking up to everybody nowadays? I mean what happened to the days we use logic, reason, and justice. Times have changed. People have become corrupt or people have lost their power to stand up for injustice and enslavery. I am depressed in the Human race. I am sorry to say, but you all suck. |
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| Andrew King | Sep 13 2010, 11:31 PM Post #10 |
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Classifieds Varrock:
Lumbridge:
The Wilderness:
Burthope/Seers Village:
Fremennik area:
Kandarin area:
Falador:
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2:58 PM Jul 11