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Issue Two
Topic Started: Sep 13 2010, 10:43 PM (729 Views)
Andrew King
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Mysterious cave in West Ardougne
By: Andrew King


According to adventurers who go through the infected town of West Ardougne there is a mysterious cave inside with a dark mage that guards it. Within this cave is a system of traps and obsticles. Locals call it the underground pass. Speculation from the locals is that it leads to the Elven lands of Isfadar. Word has spread around the whole capitol of Ardougne that King Lathas is a very racist man. That he belongs to a part of the Fight Areana that slays most creatures and people of colour. "It may be true, I may just belong to this group. I might also just claim that Elves are not Human! They are putrid scum and they deserve to die!" King Lathas said to our reporters in an interview.

The Cave network was probably carved from the mountain side so that King Lathas can send forth troops to the lands of Isfadar and take it over. "He hates us, you know, but he hates them more, you know, the Elves." A diseased man said in West Ardougne. It will probably just be a matter of time before a conflict occurs and the underground pass may be the way to pathe that war.
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Andrew King
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Ivy is choking the life from 'em
By: Rult



The biggest problem with this Ivy that has started to grow among many walls in the area. It is a shame that people cut it. It gives great woodcuting experience, but truth is they are demonic. They grow back so fast and they just grow and grow. They are trying to take over and it is choking the life form our citizens of Gielinor. People should probably stop cutting it. It is just too high of woodcutting experience anyways, it makes you level too quickly. It gives an unfair advantage to the people who used to actually woodcut. The Ivy is also not even fucking wood. It is a vine and thin substance. Easily cutable.

It will be just a matter of time before the evil roots get their way and strangle everybody to death. They will colapse our walls of our homes and break through our windows! Then wrap around our necks and cut off our air as we sleep! They are evil creatures. They are demonic. They should be taken out of the world. Let us not chop them with hatchets, let us burn them to the root!
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Andrew King
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Castle Wars opens in Feldip Hills area
By: Andrew King


There is now a place where locals and people from all around, if they are willing to travel that is, can come to get entertainment. A new place has opened up in the Feldip Hills area called Castle Wars. It is a capture the flag game. You must go to your enemies castle, slay them down or run like a coward through them, steal their flag from their base, then bring it back to yours and you score a point! If running isn't your thing there is also a catapult you can launch to throw rocks on people! You can also sit down below the underground and mine rocks onto people if that tickles your fancy, sadly no mining experience here though. Just blood experience. If none of these fit you then you can run around killing random people. If this doesn't float your canoe either then you can just walk around and watch people dying and your team mates yell at you!

This place offers fancy rewards for winning the games. You get Castle War Tickets! With this you can purchase armour, various swords, and also different kinds of capes! So no matter what there is something for every person no matter what you like. So drop on by Castle Wars at Feldip Hills and play a game or two. It could be the end of your life or a new beginning of entertainment.
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Andrew King
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Lumbridge Cook can't cook at all
By: Andrew King


Everytime somebody seems to come acrossed this cook that is located within Lumbridge Castle's kitchen, he is always asking for favours. Not any kind of favour though, ones he should be able to do on his own. Asking us to help with dinners fit for like twelve people or get ingriedients for baking a cake. Truth is this guy really has no clue what the Hell he is doing. "I seen him burn a piece of bread once. I think he saw me also. I was scared, so I ran." Says a guard at the castle in Lumbridge. Many others also claim to see him burn things and when people taste his food it taste like udder shit. "There is rumours around the town that the Duke doesn't have taste buds anymore, some accident burnt them off. Because if he did he wouldn't eat that guys food." States a banker at the banker on the top floor of the castle.

Our reporters went to ask The Cook what he thinks about his cooking he responded to us with this statement "Look I have been a cooking for this man for many a year. I never recieve one complaint. I am the best damn cook around these parts." Perhaps the best damn cook if you were a troll, according to Father Aereck Sr.

Maybe the Father has a point or maybe he doesn't. Either way people are keeping a keen eye on this cook. First thing they have evidence on the people say they will bring him out on. They might just execute him.
Edited by Andrew King, Sep 13 2010, 11:35 PM.
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Tyras real death revealed
By: Andrew King


Recent evidence reguarding the former King of West Ardougne has been disclosed. According to the papers on the issue of operation burningpult. King Tyras' brother, King Lathas, ruler of West Ardougne, hired an adventurer to go kill his brother over at the camp they had in Isfadar. The adventurer then took a catapult with claiming bebris on it and launched it at the hut, or building like structure, that King Tyras was in. King Tyras is thought to have been previously have thought to have been killed by thieves because the corruption of the city of Ardougne.

Forensic scientists at the camp determined that the hut did burn down by catapult, by foreign objects found at the scene and determined that it was fired from a nearby catapult because of the residue left on the catapult matches the foreign objects secretions found in the hut remains. There were several scortched bodies. Magic has determined that the bones of a man that was sitting in an iron chair was indeed King Tyras.

So now that West Ardougne is without a leader it is possible that King Lathas can now use West Ardougne for his bidding and can use it to start the war against the Elves.
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Gnomeball the real sport of midgets
By: Andrew King



There is truly only one sport that the short race known as the gnomes play and that is the honourable sport of GNOMEBALL! It is said that it is not only a game of recreation, but also teaches battle tactics. As each ball is thrown it teaches the gnomes the use of hand weapons and throwing the ball into the hoop shows that they got great accuracy and skill of not only the game, but skill as warriors among the battle field. It also determines speed. How fast the gnome moves means great agility they have on the battle field. They can transfer supplies, out run an enemy, or even dodge their attacks.

"As far as training goes there is no better way to train agility and war tactics then gnomeball." Claims one gnome referee. It is the most honourable thing that a gnome can do, besides learning the skill of crystal crafting of course, according to King Narnode Shareen, leader of Gnome Stronghold.

So either a sport or a war simulator, it seems that gnomeball is the only real thing a gnome can ever do to be honourable.
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Doctor Ford sentenced to prison
By: Andrew King


Some of us may have heard of a doctor Ford. He was a legendary doctor that used to check out woodcutters and miners when they were hard at training because the pieces of their equipment would break off and hit them. He has not been seen in years however, some wonder where he may have gone. According to police officials from the east he is in a prison now for malpractice suits against him. According to the police offcials a few of his experiments went wrong and the families sued him. He could not pay so everything he owned was sold and he was sent to prison for life east of Morytania regions. According to the paper work on him from the prison net work he is up for parole within the next 273 years and if he is lucky he may get out at like 200 years for good behavior.
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Gunthor cheats with fish
By: Andrew King


Recently the great boyfriend of the ole so great lover Romeo, Mr. Gunthor The Brave of Barbarian Village has been hanging around the fishing spots of the village lately. Locals of the village of reported seeing Gunthor fondling the fish. According to one Barbarian 5 year old girl he sticks his dick within the fish and fucks its mouth. An act that she calls vile and beastality like and he should pay for his crimes. She also says that he throws them back into the water and that he does shoot his load in their mouth. So a random local or adventurer could be technically eating his cum according to her.

When our reporters questioned Gunthor about this he responded "Look it feels good, I do not mean anything by it. Romeo must know it isn't cheating. It is just like having a toy." This is simple logic according to Gunthor and he does stand by those statements that it is not cheating and that it is just merely like having some kind of play toy.
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We are all distant Relitives
By: Andrew King


Scientists all around all of known Gielinor have been studying the likeness of Humans, Dwarves, Elves, and Gnomes for quite sometime. They have deducted that the four races are part of a group of mammals called primates. That at seperate times differeing of where their common ancestors lived at the time they evolved differently to substain life within the area that they inhabit. The areas that the common ancestors lived into to cause the DNA alteration is unknown, but what is known is the DNA proof that we all share the same genomes. Although anthropologists have not dug up any fossil remains of these creatures, science is ready to back them up all the way.

Traiborn of Wizard's Tower institute is a strong believer in this. Although he is discredited a lot for his theories and beliefs, this is something the rest of the wizards within the tower of willing to support him upon. "Not only do I infact believe that Gnomes, Humans, Dwarves, and Elves are all related to each other, I also have proof that we also share a common ancestor with monkies, apes, gorillas, and many other primates. We all have the same skeletal stucture, organ placements, brain functions, for most part digits upon our limbs. The evidence is outstanding." Traiborn claims. He says that Wizard's Tower and the Magic Guild in Yanille is putting forth all of their magic and scientific power to come down to solving the mystery of our races.
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Andrew King
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Contact between races
By: Andrew King



Finally after millenia of hiding within their forests Humans finally made contact again with the race known as Elves. Through the use of the Underground pass and charterships around the world Humans traveled to the forbidden land of Isfadar to find that these Elves are not the hostile creatures they were supposed to have been. "I came through the underground pass in West Ardougne and popped up here. I seen what I thought was a Human so I approached asking for food. What I seen next made me burst into laughs. He had pointy ears!" One adventurer claims. He says that he laughed about it for hours making fun of the poor Elf. Even though the Elf was quite offended, the adventurer said, the Elf still offered him a spot of coffee. Coffee is something not many of us have heard of and is said to only grow to the west and east of the known lands.

According to several reports the elves are actually quite friendly and are willing to trade. They also offer many adventurers quests to par-take upon if they are so willing to look for desperate adventurers. "We are humble creates. Our technology is greatly overwhelming compared to yours. If we wanted to lay waste to you, we could, but we are a peaceful people." Stated one of the fine Elven people of the lands of Isfadar.

Trade is now open between Elves and Humans via the merchant ships, more trade will be offered to Humans if they prove themselves worthy so the Elven people claim. Hopefully this contact between the two races will not be one that we all will regret.
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