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Man Vs Women Battle...; Let it begin...
Topic Started: Jun 28 2005, 02:28 AM (2,471 Views)
bucky
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wow flemse, your still fighting the fight, to be honest i forgot this was still going on my bad but wow you have been working hard

Bucky

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flemse
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A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the desert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey.

The priest asks the nun "I have never seen a woman's breasts, and at this point it probably wouldn't matter much, so could I see yours?" The nun agrees and shows him her breasts.

"May I touch them?" The nun allows him to. The priest comments sincerely how wonderful they are. The nun then asks "Father, I have never seen a man's penis before, could you show me yours? The priest drops his drawers.

"May I touch it?" After she fondles his penis for a minute he sports a huge erection. The priest says, "you know if I place my penis in the proper place it can give life!" "Is that right" the nun replies? "Yes."

"Then why don't you stick it up that camels ass and lets get the hell out of here!"
*pointNlaugh
Yea Bucky, ill never give up... (OOO)
Flemse
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Woodman
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that was funny!!!!
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flemse
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Restroom Humor
I am barely sitting down when I hear a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation or fraternize in men's rooms at a rest stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answer, somewhat embarrassedly: "Not bad!"

And the other guy says: "So what's up with you?"

What a question? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "I'm like you, just traveling east!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously... "LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions, bye!"

*pointNlaugh *thumbUp
Flemse
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RetFireCapt
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Angelwings
Jul 26 2005, 06:55 AM

2. Men are like .Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.


Less firm what?
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flemse
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A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass the kid. "Aren't you a little young to be drinking, son?" he asked. "That's nothing," the kid said after taking a swig of beer. "I got laid when I was three." "What? How did that happen?" "I don't remember. I was drunk."

*bravo *pointNlaugh
Flemse
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WorkingMom
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flemse
Jul 30 2005, 03:12 PM
Hahahaha dam now im helping the team hmmmm, ok just this once.... (devil)

Texas Women


Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties.

The first man had married a woman from Penn. and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house.

He said that it took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from West Virginia. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and cooking.

He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes was done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Texas girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed. And this was all her responsibility.

He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye!

Got to love Texas Women! *sticktongueout *pointNlaugh

You don't have to be from Texas....tell this Ohio woman that and you will get the same thing. *giggle
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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WorkingMom
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What's the difference between a woman and a computer? A woman won't accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy. *pointNlaugh
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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WorkingMom
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Why don't men have mid-life crises? Because they're stuck in adolescence.
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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WorkingMom
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Q. Why are men like laxatives?
A. They irritate the shit out of you *pointNlaugh
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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flemse
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Jack was returning to work Monday morning with two black eyes. His workmates were understandably curious: "Jack, what happened to you?!?" "It was the darndest thing! I was at church yesterday, and this fat lady stood up in front of me. You know how a dress can get stuck in the crack of the butt of a fat lady? It looked funny. I figured she wouldn't like that, so I just reached over and pulled it out with a little tug. Next thing I know, she spins around and socks me one!"

"Jeez, you got TWO black eyes in one blow?"

"Naw. After she turned back around, I figured she was angry that I pulled the dress out of her crack, so I tried to poke it back in..."

*pointNlaugh
Flemse
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flemse
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A young male virgin, a shy college freshman, was lucky enough to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced with the opposite sex. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate offered to set him up with the campus floozy. "Just take her out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course," he explained. "This girl really knows how to go from there." The roommate arranged the date as promised, and the freshman took the coed out for a delightful evening of dining and dancing. On the way home, he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in shakes and a cold sweat and blurted out: "God, I sure would like to have a little pussy." "I would, too," the girl sighed. "Mine's the size of a bucket!"

*weeclaps* *pointNlaugh
Flemse
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flemse
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Two men are playing tennis, one man falls and hits his elbow and decides to go to the doctors, the other man says "Don't waste any money on the doctors, just go inside the store at the corner down the street, put $10 in the machine in the corner, piss in the cup, let it do its thing and a slip of paper will come out that tells you what you have". So he goes to the store puts ten dollars in the machine, pisses in the cup and out comes a piece of paper it says "You have tennis elbow take this ointment cream and apply it on your elbow 3-4 times a daily". So goes home wondering how it know what was wrong, and wanted to see if this machine is a real miracle worker, so he goes home and gets his sisters piss, brothers piss, dogs piss, and jacks-off in the cup goes back to the store, puts ten dollars in the machine and places the cup in the machine. The paper comes out and says "Your sister has gonorrhea, your brother is gay, your dog has worms, and if you keep jacking-off like that you'll never lose that tennis elbow.

*tongueoutWhands*
Flemse
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flemse
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A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear. The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?!"

(devil) *hello
Flemse
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flemse
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*pointNlaugh I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. *hmmthink*
Flemse
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WorkingMom
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This woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more. He would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit.
One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?"

Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The Tidy-Bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa.

The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?"

Once again, he growled, "What do I look? Mr. Plumber?"

The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?"

And again she was met with a snarl, "What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?"
Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer.

When her husband got home, she said, "Honey, I had the repairmen out today."
He frowned, "Well, how much is that going to cost?"

"Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them."

"Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?"

She smiled. "What do I look like, BETTY CROCKER?"

*tongueoutWhands* *hello
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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WorkingMom
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One day a man was eating dinner with his girlfriends parents. The dog was under his chair and it barked while he was holding in a fart, this startled the man and caused him to rip a small fart. The mom said, "Fido!", Since the dog was recieving the blame he decided to rip a huge one, again the mother said, "Fido! Go Away!", Seeing as the dog was continuing to recieve the blame he let out a wet, loud, and/or possibly deafening fart. Then his girlfriend said, " Fido, you heard mom, leave before he shits on you!" *pointNlaugh
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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flemse
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Carmen....

Now I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly.

I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft.

If you would do this for me no one would ever know.

I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would.

I am very desperate and I need your help.

You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry.

I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so.

Do you have a piece of gum? (devil) *hello
Flemse
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UP YA BUM BOYS HAHAHA GIRL POWER!!!Posted Image
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kasaalf
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i feel a little bit outnumbered at the moment
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Kissy
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hahahaha its ok Kasa we'll take good care of ya (OOO) *blowkiss *giggle
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Posted Imagehaha watch it laddy!!! (devil)
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kasaalf
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merci cherie, this old man is very greatful for a bit of TLc
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awww ok i'll be gentle (devil)
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kasaalf
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yes please, rock me gently (devil)
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