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Man Vs Women Battle...; Let it begin...
Topic Started: Jun 28 2005, 02:28 AM (2,462 Views)
WorkingMom
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Helping Lyne!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
THE EGG!

If you think life is bad.....

How would you like to be an egg?

You only get laid once.

You only get eaten once.

It takes four minutes to get hard.

Only two minutes to get soft.

You share your box with 6 other guys

But worst of all..the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!!!

So cheer up, Your life ain't that bad!!!!

Pass it around to someone who you feel can use a good lay,

Oops....I mean day!!!!! *pointNlaugh
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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WorkingMom
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Helping Lyne!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Do you know why bankers are good lovers?

They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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WorkingMom
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Helping Lyne!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Why is a man different from a PC?

You only have to tell the PC once *pointNlaugh
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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WorkingMom
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Helping Lyne!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?

Men always miss them. *pointNlaugh *pointNlaugh
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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Woodman
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Ladie's Admin aka HornDog
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good ones!
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velan
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*giggle good answer @mom..hehehehehehe
Tune in
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flemse
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Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?

A: A women who won't do what she's told.

Flemse
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flemse
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Dear Doctor,

I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years, and having a child each year, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are absolutely useless.

After getting married I was told to use the "Rhythm Method." Whilst trying the samba and the tango my wife fell pregnant, and I ruptured myself doing the Cha-cha.

My doctor then suggested we use the safe period. At this time we were living with the in-laws and we had to wait three weeks for a safe period, when the house was empty. Needless to say this didn't work.

A lady of several years experience informed us that if we made love while breast-feeding we would be alright. It's hardly tastes like Coors, but I finished up with clear skin, silky hair and another child on the way.

Another old wives tale was if my wife jumped up and down after sex this would prevent pregnancy. After breast-feeding (from earlier), if my wife jumped up and down she would have ended up with two black eyes, and even knocked herself unconscious.

I asked a chemist about the condom. He demonstrated how easy it was to use so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which doesn't surprise me, as I fail to see how a Durex stretched over the thumb can prevent a baby.

My wife was then supplied with the coil and after many unsuccessful attempts to fit it we realized that we had got a left-handed thread and my wife is definitely a right-handed screw.

The Dutch cap came next. We were very hopeful of this as it did not interfere with our sex life at all. But alas...it did give my wife a severe headache. We were given the largest size, but it was still too tight across her forehead.

Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out, then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife started then to put it between her knees, thus preventing me from getting anywhere near her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot it....another child resulted.

You must appreciate my problem: if this operation is unsuccessful I shall have to revert to oral sex. Although I don't mind just talking about it, it could never be the same as the real thing.

Yours faithfully,

Ray Jackson

Flemse
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flemse
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A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"

(drool)
Flemse
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flemse
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FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

Amen.

MALE PRAYER

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with great boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.

(OOO) (devil)
Flemse
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bucky
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hahaha all very funny keep em coming *welcome back carmen*

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WorkingMom
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Helping Lyne!
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Thanks Bucky! I will post more when I get some more free time. *thumbUp
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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bucky
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Hehe, cant wait to see what happens next

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flemse
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Quote:
 
Hehe, cant wait to see what happens next


ILL TELL YOU WHATS HAPPENS BUCKY. ILL WIN THE BATTLE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THATS WHAT HAPPENS........ HAHAHAHAHAHA
I THINK?????? *ohMy*

Carmen!!! *I miss you*
Flemse
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WorkingMom
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Helping Lyne!
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Keep dreaming Flemse! You will not win that easy. (devil)
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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flemse
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Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!

40 bands of your choice is waiting on you. Listen in and injoy......

http://flemse.multiply.com/music
(spank)
Flemse
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flemse
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's the activities guide to burning calories at work and the number of calories they consume per hour...

Beating around the bush... 75
Jumping to conclusions... 100
Climbing the walls... 150
Swallowing your pride... 50
Passing the buck... 25
Throwing your weight around... 50-300
Dragging your heels... 100
Pushing your luck... 250
Making mountains out of molehills... 500
Hitting the nail on the head... 50
Wading through paperwork... 300
Bending over backwards... 75
Jumping on the bandwagon... 200
Balancing the books... 25
Running around in circles... 350
Eating crow... 225
Tooting your own horn... 25
Climbing the ladder of success... 750
Pulling out the stops... 75
Adding fuel to the fire... 160
Wrapping it up at the day's end... 12

To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:

Opening a can of worms... 50
Putting your foot in your mouth... 300
Starting the ball rolling... 90
Going over the edge... 25
Picking up the pieces after... 350
Counting eggs before they hatch... 6
Calling it quits... 2


(crap)
Flemse
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flemse
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Q. What's the definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you cum and she leaves

Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell (OOO)
Flemse
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flemse
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Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never come
this way before"; the second one replies "Must be the cobbles"

(OOO)
Flemse
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flemse
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A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, "What's that for?"

"It's for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

He replies, "Gotcha!"

(devil)
Flemse
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flemse
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Two old ladies are standing at a bus station and one of them is smoking. Suddenly it starts raining so the smoking one takes out a condom from her purse, cuts the edge off and puts it over the cigarette. Her friend asks her: "What are you doing?!?" So she replies: "I don't want my cigarette to get wet so I covered it with a condom"
So her friend asks: "What’s a condom? Where did you get it?" So she says: "At the pharmacy" So the next day her friend goes to the pharmacy and asks the clerk if she can get a condom. The clerk asks: "What size?"
So she replies: "I dunno, one that will fit a camel"

hahahahaahhaha (devil)
Flemse
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flemse
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?

So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.


(OOO) Hahaha
Flemse
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Woodman
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Ladie's Admin aka HornDog
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Here is a riddle for the true intellectual. Try to come up with the answer
on your own. The answer is at the end for those who are unable to think
this one through!

At the exact same time, there are two young men on opposite sides of
the earth: one is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers; the other
is getting a blow job from an 85 year old woman. They are both thinking
the exact same thing.

What are they both thinking??????
.
.
.
Scroll down for the answer!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down.
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Woodman
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Ladie's Admin aka HornDog
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A millionaire threw a magnificent party for his many friends. Only one
thing was bothering everyone, his very large pool was filled with
alligators. Towards the end of the evening he stood before a podium and
announced to his guests, "The first person that swims across this here pool
will get a million dollars!"

He then stepped back and waited for a response. No one responded, so he
made another offer "I'll give the first person a million dollars and my
mansion." Once again he stepped back and waited. Finally he said, "I'll
give you a million dollars, my mansion, and a choice between my
Corvette or Lamborghini."

Suddenly he heard a splash, turned to see a man swimming across the
pool hitting one alligator up side the head, wrestling one after the
other. With lots of luck the man reached the other end of the pool, he
climbed out at the millionaire's feet. The millionaire congratulated him and
invited him up to his office to receive his awards. When they got to
his office the millionaire asked, "What do you want, the Corvette or
Lamborghini?"

The man replied, "I want the jerk that pushed me into the pool!"
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WorkingMom
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Helping Lyne!
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Keep em coming. I will hopefully catch up next week. This week has been a really bad week but thanks for the laughs.
"Friends are like stars ...
they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest."
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