| We hope you enjoy your visit here at StecNet. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| Man Vs Women Battle...; Let it begin... | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 28 2005, 02:28 AM (2,476 Views) | |
| WorkingMom | Jul 1 2005, 09:44 PM Post #126 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
(lmao) That was good flemse and the funny thing is I also have a twin sister named Carla. (rocky) |
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 1 2005, 11:31 PM Post #127 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Bashing Men Jokes Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones. What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there. What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them. Why are men like commercials? You can't believe a word they say. Why are men like popcorn? They satisfy you, but only for a little while. Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why. Why are women so bad at mathematics? Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches. What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris? Most men have no trouble finding a bar. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex. What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? When the power goes off. What do men and women have in common? They both distrust men. How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes. How is a man like the weather? Nothing can be done to change either one of them. What is the difference between a man and childbirth? One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby. What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them. Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins. What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? Slow. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married. What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is? An insurance company. Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't have any. Why do men have a hole in their penis? So oxygen can get to their brains. What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman? A snowwoman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles. What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing? Castrated. What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature. What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home. |
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| flemse | Jul 2 2005, 12:40 AM Post #128 |
|
Bronze Member
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Are you telling me that there are two of you??? Ohhhh my god.... (hmmm) There was this woman who had bags under her eyes and wanted to get them removed so she could look younger so she went to a plastic surgeon. She tells the doctor I cant get rid of these bags please help me. The doctor says he is gonna try and new experimental technique on her. He will put a crank in the back of her head and when she sees bags under her eyes she's supposed to crank it and the bags will go away. So she gets this crank put in her head and leaves. It works and works for a while until one day she cant get rid of these bags under her eyes. She cranks and cranks as hard as she can but they just wont go away. So she goes to the doctor. She says to the doctor: "Doctor, this was working for a while, but I cant seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes." The doctor replies: "Lady those aren't bags... those are your tits!" All she had to say was, "Now that would explain why I have this goatee." (rocky) |
|
Flemse <img src='http://img299.echo.cx/img299/2/The Silent Suit9qm4wx.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
| |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 2 2005, 12:47 AM Post #129 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Yep, there are 2 of me. (tup) There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while, one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man! |
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| flemse | Jul 2 2005, 12:58 AM Post #130 |
|
Bronze Member
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
A guy is walking past a bus stop and says to a woman "Can I smell your cunt?" "Fuck off, no you can't smell my cunt!" the woman yells back at him, "Oh" he replies, looking slightly confused, "it must be your feet then".
|
|
Flemse <img src='http://img299.echo.cx/img299/2/The Silent Suit9qm4wx.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
| |
![]() |
|
| flemse | Jul 2 2005, 01:01 AM Post #131 |
|
Bronze Member
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ... and she's always sound asleep." (tup) |
|
Flemse <img src='http://img299.echo.cx/img299/2/The Silent Suit9qm4wx.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
| |
![]() |
|
| flemse | Jul 2 2005, 01:07 AM Post #132 |
|
Bronze Member
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They can both smell it but can't eat it. How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling. dirty joke material >>> How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
|
|
Flemse <img src='http://img299.echo.cx/img299/2/The Silent Suit9qm4wx.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
| |
![]() |
|
| flemse | Jul 2 2005, 01:14 AM Post #133 |
|
Bronze Member
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
In the Garden of Eden, as everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve, without any clothes. In this garden, were two little leaves, one covered Adam's, one covered Eve's. As the story goes on, Never the less to say, the wind came along, and blew the leaves away. At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve's treasure, All covered with hair. And wonder came, Under Eve's eyes, As Adam's thing, started to rise. They found a spot, that suited them best, a nice big tree, where they began to rest. Her legs spread wider, and wider apart, While thrill after thrill, Came into her heart. The head of Adam's thing, Peeked into the hole, and filled her with passion, Beyond her control. Backward and forward, His thing did slide, And Eve's treasure, was all wet inside. The joy was good, She wouldn't let loose, Until Adam's thing, Was all out of juice. Then down through the years, People did screw, and now it is time, for me and you. So pull down your pants, and lay in the grass, because I'm in the mood, for a piece of that ASS! (ang) (ang) |
|
Flemse <img src='http://img299.echo.cx/img299/2/The Silent Suit9qm4wx.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
| |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 2 2005, 01:15 AM Post #134 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them. The first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes. At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's cell. He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific." They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife, and they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiful new family. I love it." They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody got a match?" |
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 2 2005, 01:17 AM Post #135 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Oh really
|
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 2 2005, 01:19 AM Post #136 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf! |
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| flemse | Jul 2 2005, 01:26 AM Post #137 |
|
Bronze Member
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Yep i do.... Se what my doc said to me the last time... Flemse goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating." The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?" The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
|
|
Flemse <img src='http://img299.echo.cx/img299/2/The Silent Suit9qm4wx.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
| |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 2 2005, 01:28 AM Post #138 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Nothing wrong with that. A guy joined a nudist camp and when he told his mom she didn't believe him. So he sent her a picture of his top half. A week later his grandma wanted a picture but he accidently sent the bottom half. Knowing she had bad eyesight, he didn't think much of it. A week later his grandma wrote a letter saying, that she didn't like his haircut, because it made his nose look to big. |
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 2 2005, 01:29 AM Post #139 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
You are so bald, that when you wear a turtleneck, you look like a broken condom. |
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| flemse | Jul 2 2005, 01:38 AM Post #140 |
|
Bronze Member
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
hehehe i love you to..... A woman was very despondent over not having sex in quite some time. She was becoming agitated and worried that she might never find a mate. In hopes of finding a solution to her problem, she decided that it was time to see a doctor. Looking thru the phone book, she came upon a Chinese sex therapist named Dr. Chang. When the woman arrived, she told the doctor her symptoms and he said, "Take off all your clothes and you crawl real fass away from me across the froor." She crawled to the other side of the room and Dr. Chang said, "Now...you crawl real fass back to me," and she did. Dr. Chang shook his head and said, "you haf real bad case of Ed Zachary disease....worse case I ever see! That why you haf sex probrem." The woman was completely confused and asked the doctor exactly what Ed Zachary Disease was and he replied, "Ed Zachary Disease....that when your face rook ED-ZACHARY rike your ass!" |
|
Flemse <img src='http://img299.echo.cx/img299/2/The Silent Suit9qm4wx.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
| |
![]() |
|
| flemse | Jul 2 2005, 01:42 AM Post #141 |
|
Bronze Member
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Newly married couple both nymphomaniacs, husband comes downstairs in the morning and the wife asks what he'd like for breakfast "Oh I think I'll have a shag please!" So they go upstairs have a shag then he goes to work. Husband comes home for lunch, "What would you like for lunch dear?" "Oh I think I'll have a shag please!" So again they shag and he returns to work. Half hour later he walks in the house and finds his wife sliding up and down the banister! "What are you doin?" he asks. "I'm warming up your dinner!!" (nervous)
|
|
Flemse <img src='http://img299.echo.cx/img299/2/The Silent Suit9qm4wx.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
| |
![]() |
|
| flemse | Jul 2 2005, 01:47 AM Post #142 |
|
Bronze Member
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning. During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up. "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up. "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up. "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?" All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up. (lmao) (lmao) |
|
Flemse <img src='http://img299.echo.cx/img299/2/The Silent Suit9qm4wx.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
| |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 2 2005, 01:51 AM Post #143 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal." "A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?" "No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes |
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 2 2005, 01:52 AM Post #144 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Why are men just like carpet? Once you lay 'em right you can walk all over 'em. |
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 2 2005, 01:54 AM Post #145 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery. "Oh, no," said the priest. "Was it with Marie Brown?" "I'd rather not say who it was." "Was it with Betty Smith?" "I'd rather not say," says Joe. So the priest gives him absoultion and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he recieved absolution. "Yes, and two very good leads!" |
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| flemse | Jul 2 2005, 01:55 AM Post #146 |
|
Bronze Member
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
ouch...... A man walks into a watch and clock store, unzips his trousers and slaps his cock on the counter. The woman behind the counter doesn't bat an eyelid. She looks him straight in the eye and says "Put that away Sir, this is a clock shop - not a cock shop!" "Well," replies the man, "Why don't you put two hands and a face on it?"
|
|
Flemse <img src='http://img299.echo.cx/img299/2/The Silent Suit9qm4wx.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
| |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 2 2005, 02:01 AM Post #147 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
This guy and his girlfriend were going at it hot and heavy in the backseat of his car. A knock was heard on the window and there stood a cop. The guy got out, shaking like a leaf. The cop said that he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next. The guy got back in the car and finished with his girlfriend. When he got out again, he was still shaking like a leaf. The cop said there was no reason to be scared, because he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next. The guy said 'I'm not afraid that you'll arrest me, it's just that I've never done it with a cop before! |
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| Yourbuddy | Jul 2 2005, 02:02 AM Post #148 |
![]()
Stec's Protege V 2.3 Beta
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
ROFL i need to use this one hahahah (lmao) |
![]() ![]() Do you digg it?
| |
![]() |
|
| flemse | Jul 2 2005, 02:11 AM Post #149 |
|
Bronze Member
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
I have a little poem, I'll try to make it quick; The subject is quite simple: the joy of owning dick. A penis is a splendid thing; you ladies should be jealous. An organ with such lovely skin, it's smooth and mostly hairless. It starts to grow so quickly when a guy's about thirteen, His testicles on either side, his willy in between. It dangles neatly down below; it's softly warm and loyal. But at the slightest hint of lust, it's ready to uncoil. It seems to have a mind all of its own; it's like an untamed beast, It squirms and writhes and stretches out, just when you 'spect it least. Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves, erecting when it shouldn't. A bumpy train ride sets it off, and then I wish it wouldn't. During summer, wearing little, sunning on the beach, A glimpse of wobbly boobs or bums will make it squirm and reach. But handle it with love and care, for it will give great pleasure. I often check if it has grown - now when did I last measure? Some men will fret about their size: they give it lots of thought; Is seven inches long enough? It makes them quite distraught. They sneak a look in toilets, wondering what they'll see, But if another glances back at them, there's no way they can pee! Masturbating is a sin - at least some folks believe. That's just some old wives' tale, 'cause it really can relieve. Without this super organ, no shag would be complete. Lesbians can try their best, but must admit defeat. It has some splendid functions, I'm sure you will agree: To start a whole new life, and more than that - to pee! But what seems most amazing about my one-eyed flute, Whatever it is doing, it knows which juice to shoot. And better yet, it stays with one, until one's old and frail. Don't take it out in public though, or you'll be thrown in jail. And so I'd say with certainty That every man just loves his tool: But girls, be sure you never chew, Just suck and fondle, lick and play, And never, ever bend! Well have to go. Im dj today ( 2 party´s) so ill cum back tomorrow
|
|
Flemse <img src='http://img299.echo.cx/img299/2/The Silent Suit9qm4wx.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
| |
![]() |
|
| WorkingMom | Jul 2 2005, 02:16 AM Post #150 |
|
Helping Lyne!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Have a good day and try not to have too much fun.
|
|
"Friends are like stars ... they always seem to shine their brightest when the night is at it's darkest." | |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Offtopic Forum · Next Topic » |





![]](http://z4.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)








7:19 PM Jul 10