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Joke,s; as it says just joke's here
Topic Started: Mar 2 2005, 04:52 PM (311 Views)
louise
Unregistered

well i must say this post gave me a lauhgh for ten minutes whilst at college THANK YOUUUUUU
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Kitten
750 Super Sports
Ever wonder why...

...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

...why doctors call what they do "practice"?

...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
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Kitten
750 Super Sports
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????.....)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh.....fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one:On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
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<span style=Gelf</span>
ZRX1100 rider
think ive just wet myself :blink:
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Kitten
750 Super Sports
That not very good think you need to go to the doctor about your bladder control! LMAO
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<span style=Gelf</span>
ZRX1100 rider
id rather see the nurse!!!
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Kitten
750 Super Sports
Touche
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<span style=Gelf</span>
ZRX1100 rider
okay then id like to touch the nurse :devil2
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Kitten
750 Super Sports
You didn't do french at school then?? :o
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<span style=Gelf</span>
ZRX1100 rider
Je voudrais touché la l'infirmier s’il vous plait
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Kitten
750 Super Sports
what about latvian????
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louise
Unregistered

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "how long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "about 2 hours."
The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "how long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "about 3 hours"
The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "about an hour and half"
The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back".
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your House!".
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louise
Unregistered

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday

morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in Mysterious ways. After

they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man.

That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's

nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we

should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of

our days". Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you

completely, this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car

is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.



Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle

and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and

immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man

asks, "Aren't you having any?"



The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police"....

MORAL OF THE STORY:



Women are clever, evil bitches.

Don't mess with them.
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louise
Unregistered

A >Breast Feeding woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room,
>waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby,
>checked his weight and asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
>”Breast fed” she replied. “Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor
>ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while
>in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, “No
>wonder this baby is hungry. You don’t have any milk.” “I know,” she said,
>”I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came”
>
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louise
Unregistered

>Super Baby
A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk. He
>looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. “Are you my doctor?” he
>asked.
>”Why, yes, I am,” said the doctor. The baby said, “Thank you for taking
>such good care of me during the birth.” He looked at his mother and asked,
>”Are you my mother?” “Yes, dear, I am,” said the mother beaming. “Thank you
>for taking such good care of me before I was born,” he said. He then looked
>at his father and asked, “Are you my father?” “Yes, I am,” his father
>proudly answered. The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly
>on the forehead with his index finger. “Hurts, doesn’t it!
>
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