Quote:

 

We see a close-up of Nevermore's face.

Nevermore: "Hello. I'm Nevermore. And I'm the Deputy here in SCW. And right now, before the show, I want to show you something.

The camera begins to pan back.

Nevermore: ".....Say hello to my leetle friend...."

The camera now quickly zooms back. Nevermore is standing in a boiler-room, and behind him is the biggest contraption you could find. It looks like the Ecto Containment Unit in The Real Ghostbusters - it's frickin' HUGE.

"Forget your Gimmick Wheel, this is the REAL deal. I just press this button here...and the computer inside randomly generates a stipulation. There are over 4000 random stipulations inserted in this machine....I just enter a few factors, and it picks a suitable match type.

"Now, the factor I'm going to enter is that Gimmick Champion Shake This is not going to have one opponent at Retribution. He's not going to have two opponents either.

"He's going to have three."

Nevermore presses a few buttons on the big red machine, and then presses the huge black button. The machine makes a noise, perhaps that of a dying giraffe, before the screen flashes violently, slows down, and then stops.

"Ladies and gentlemen....at Retribution, Shake This will defend the Gimmick Championship,

........against Ki Crusher,

........Firework,

........AND Styles Clash.......

"..........in a Double-Or-Nothing Match."

The crowd go 'Oooooohhhhh'!!

"Basically, this is your standard Fatal-Four Way match - with one exception. To win the match, you need to record TWO falls, via either pinfall or submission. The first man to gain two decisions becomes the SCW Gimmick Champion.

"Thank you for your time."


This episode of SCW Jinx comes to you live from Showtime City!

RE-CAP! - - - - -

- Former champ Ki Crusher attacked Shake's uncle, Shakin' Stevens, last week. Now, Shake will attempt to gain a measure of revenge as the battle for the Gimmick Title heats up!

- Newcomer Oldschooler wants to beat some respect into ExGen, what tricks will he have up his sleeve tonight? Also, last week Haraga attacked FNS, ExGen AND Oldy in a fit of rage. He then focussed on FNS, delivering a devastating X-7.

- Also, last week, World Champion Ghostface attacked his friend, and No.1 contender, Bal Bowski, costing them the Tag Team Titles. Was it plainly because Bowski is a threat to the title, or is it something deeper?

- Sheriff Baz, now in control of SCW, got the shock of his life when Sabinite verbally threatened him. What part of the Sheriff's past did Sabinite take part in? What will it mean for his future? And will Mikey Richards get involved?


Welcome to SCW Jinx!!!

"Good evening once again, Rat fans! I'm Rolan.....oh. Wait, actually I'm not. I'm Mick Foley. YOUR Hardcore Legend. And sitting on my lap once again is my good buddy (although I always preferred Lister), it's The Cat!!"

"OWWWWWWWWWW!!"

Foley: ".....That's right, Cat. Now, we'd apologise in advance, but we did warn you. This episode is coming to you in new Drunk-O-Vision, which basically means the person typing this right now has a REALLLLLLLY sore head. So most likely, none of this will make sense. AND to be honest, we don't care. We know you fans will forgive us, and we hope you join us in being off our faces tonight!"

The Cat: "Jeez, just get to the matches already!"

Foley: "Ok, Ok.....just let me get my notes.... (Foley sees his notes on the floor. He bends down to pick them up, and bangs his head against the announce desk) OWWWWWWWWWW!!!"

The Cat: "(sigh).....I'll get them.....(The Cat reaches across to grab the notes from the floor, and the momentum causes the chair to fall over, and The Cat crashes, ass-first, onto the floor) OOWWWWWWWWW!!"

Foley begins laughing his ass off.

Foley: "A-ha-ha...ah-ha....ha....(we hear Nevermore, very loudly, in Mick's ear-piece...'GET TO THE MATCHES YOU FRICKIN' DORK!!!').......ah, right, now, the matches.....

"Tonight - it's Shake This vs Ki Crusher!!

"FNS and ExGen take on Oldschooler and Haraga!!

"...and a match announced just hours ago - Tag Team No.1 contendership up for grabs! It's Mikey Richards and The Genius, versus Max Caschera and Squat Rocker!"



* THEME TUNE - 'I Touch Myself' by The Divinyls *

Announcer Jim Carrey: "ALLLLLLLLLLRIGHTEEEEE THENNNNN!!!! The following non-title contest is scheduled for one fall - on his way to the ring, he is the SCW Gimmick Champion - SHAKE....THISSSSSSSSSS!!!"

Shake This vs. Ki Crusher

Shake This makes his way into the ring, he looks focussed! He'll have just been told that he's defending that Gimmick Title against three men at once at Retribution - it's gonna be a tough one!

* THEME TUNE - 'Dead Wrong' by Notorious B.I.G. *

The former champ, Ki Crusher, wanders down to ringside. As he does this, he just stares at the Gimmick Title which Shake has around his waist. He never takes his eyes off it. He must be obsessed!

This match wasn't a patch on their Zach Gowen Special a few weeks back, but it was still an enjoyable outing. Ki Crusher took control for most of the match, but it's been known for Shake This to peak as a match progresses. He always gets better instead of worse as a match goes on.

Ki Crusher locks in the Ki-Lock, but Shake gets to the ropes! Ki eventually releases the hold. They both get up, and Ki whips Shake into the ropes. Ki bends over for a back-drop.....but he keeps himself wide open! Shake simply stands in the powerbomb position, and goes for the Pervous Breakdown! He flips Ki Crusher up, and WHAM!! - Wait! Ki Crusher rolls thorugh under Shake's legs, and locks in the Ki-Lock again! Can Ki pull Shake down to the ground? Yes he can...but Shake rolls right over Ki, as Ki has the leg hooked, but Ki's shoulders are on the mat! One...two....three!! A roll-up pin by the champion!

WINNER: Shake This

Ki Crusher gets up right away, and knocks Shake down from behind! He then locks the Ki-Lock on once again, and this time, Shake is tapping like a drunk man!

Foley: "Get the officials in here! Get Ki Crusher off of Shake!"

The Cat: "Well, if you're going to weaken an opponent before a title match - this is probably the best way to do it."

Foley: "It's not right, dammit!"

The Cat: "Jeez.....calm down, "J.R."!...."




* BACKSTAGE *

We are in the office of Sheriff Baz. He sits at his desk, slumped in his chair, looking at the ceiling. He then quickly sits up straight, slaps himself in the face, and says, 'Dammit Baz! Gotta snap outta this!'....

The door swings open, and in barges Bal Bowski! He slams his hands on the desk.

Bowski: "You knew about it, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?!!!"

Sheriff Baz: "What are you talkin......."

Bowski: "That back-stabbing bastard attacked me last week, in case you hadn't noticed, and I think....no, I KNOW, that you helped set it up!!"

Sheriff Baz: "Really, Bal, I had nothi......."

Bowski: "You lying son of a bitch! YOU made the match, and it's just too much of a coincidence that it was set-up so perfectly....."

Sheriff Baz: "Whoa, WHOA! Listen Bowski, this sort of double-cross happens all the time in other promotions, shouldn't you have seen it coming??!"

Bowski: "Ghostface is my friend, Baz, and I KNOW he must have been forced into doing this. I want an explanation, Baz!"

Baz: "I have no time for this......."

Bowski: "You will MAKE time for this!! I don't care if your old girlfriend has turned up, you're......"

Sheriff Baz shoots up off his seat and grabs Bowski by the throat!

Baz: "YOU.....KNOW......NOTHING about her!!! You do NOT MENTION her, OKAY??!!"

The Sheriff lets go of Bowski, and steps back. Bowski looks MAD!

"Listen, Bowski, I can't cope with every single person coming to me for stuff. Really, you should ask Ghostface why he beat your ass, not me. And to be honest, I wasn't surprised. I remember not too long ago when you stabbed the WHOLE COMPANY in the back so you could join the WWE. And at the same time, you sent ME into hospital with that chair-shot. Maybe you should look in the mirror yourself, before you start accusing people of being two-faced.

"Now get OUT of my office......I have things to do."

Bowski can't believe it! He stares a hole into Sheriff Baz, and just steps back very slowly, until he reaches the door. Bowski shakes his head, turns around, and leaves. Baz slumps back into his chair, and stares at the ceiling.



* THEME TUNE - 'Sleep Now In The Fire' by Rage Against The Machine *

The Council, Squat Rocker and Max Caschera, are standing in the ring.

Caschera: "Squat and I refuse to participate in this match, because......"

Squat takes the microphone.

Squat: "...because we are ABOVE this title! We are World Title Conten...."

Max grabs it back.

Caschera: "...Squat! How can we be above this title? We've never WON this title! We're a tag team, dammit, start acting like one!"

Squat grabs it back yet again.

Squat: "Don't you DARE talk to me like that....I OWNNNNN YOU!!!"

Max takes back the mike. Again.

Caschera: "Listen, we WANT this title, but WE were given the title shot, not these other two idiots!"

As Squat takes back the house mike, the ShowReel big screen lights up, and we see Mikey Richards and The Genius standing at the curtain.

The Genius: "I got jumped last week, and I wouldn't have if YOU were around!! Now I'm not 100% and we gotta win this match now, or we're screwed! Where WERE you??"

Mikey: "We've gone through this - Baz wanted to see me about Sabinite, it was very important, and I'm just real sorry, REALLY!"

The Genius: "Well, Baz should have sorted it out before the show, not during it!"

Into shot walks Sabinite! Mikey immediately turns to her and hugs her. The Genius looks annoyed.

Mikey: "Well, Sab, you can finally meet my tag partner, The Genius."

Sabinite: "Nice to meet you!"

She offers a hand. Genius accepts the handshake, but looks like someone just drove over his cat.

Genius: "(flat)...Likewise."

Mikey's theme music hits, and he kisses Sab on the cheek, and then walks through the curtain. Sabinite then grabs The Genius' shoulder, and turns him to face her.

Sabinite: "Listen you loser - I don't care how you guys fare out there, all I care about is Mikey. And sooner rather than later, he's gonna out-grow the tag division, and out-grow YOU. I'm gonna make sure Mikey gets to the TOP of SCW, and I'm also gonna make sure that you DON'T get a free ride along with us.

"So don't you DARE do anything to jeopardise that."

Sabinite puts her mouth to his ear, and whispers something. She then wildly licks his ear, turns, and skips away.

The Genius looks miffed. He walks through the curtain.

No.1 Contendership for the SCW Tag Team Titles
The Council vs Mikey Richards and The Genius

The Genius catches up with Mikey in the ring. Squat and Max are in the opposite corner. The referee calls for the bell.

Caschera: "I told you - we're not competing. WE were declared No.1 Contenders last week, so this means nothing!"

The Genius: "I think you'll find that WE were named the No.1 Contenders last week."

Squat Rocker: "I think you'll find that you got your ASS kicked last week!"

The Genius charges at Max and Squat, but the Council members throw themselves out the ring, and walk around it, towards the ramp.

Caschera: "We ain't playing, and that's that! We're off to prepare for OUR title shot, against the Tartan Army!"

As Max and Squat back off, they get attacked from behind!

The Cat: "Hey! What are they doing!"

Foley: "That's JBL Mark, and Corino Punk! They're attacking The Council!"

JBL Mark and Corino Punk beat the hell out of Max and Squat, and drag them back towards the ring. They get thrown back in, and Mikey and The Genius start pounding on The Council!

But it doesn't last long - Oldschooler's chums storm the ring, and knock down Mikey and The Genius!

Foley: "Looks to me like these guys want in the title hunt too!"

The Cat: "But I thought they were just employed as bodyguards?"

Foley: "My thoughts, exactly..."

JBL Mark and Corino Punk pummel the two tag teams, and leave them lying in a mess on the canvas. They then simply leave the squared circle, and walk back up the ramp. The two teams are in no condition to perform!

WINNERS: No Contest






* BACKSTAGE *

We are in the Tartan Army locker-room. Inside is JaYo, Haraga, Muzza, and CMA. Also in there is interviewer Al Watson. The place is a mess, covered in empty cans of Tennant's, and there's food everywhere.

Muzza: "I cannae believe we got the night off, JaYo! You aswell Al! Great timing too - now we can get minced for days in a row, withoot having to worry!"

JaYo: "Aye it's fooking great - our competition just got beat into oblivion, while we sit here and laugh at them! But Haraga - you got a biggie tonight - you gonna finish off FNS for Mr.Showtime?"

Haraga: "Showtime asked me to take care of him - so take care of him I will!!"

The other three guys cheer for Haraga! Al Watson pukes up in the corner. He is wasted.

Haraga: "See yoo jimmies later - I'm gonna drink youse under the table when ah get back!"

Haraga walks out the room, and turns left towards the ring. The remaining guys inside the room look at the table. It is COVERED in food.

CMA: "........We don't have enough food."

JaYo: "Well, go nick some from the canteen then!"

CMA: "Aye, good call. I won't be long."

CMA walks out the door, and turns right towards the canteen. He walks around a corner, and bumps into Sabinite.

CMA: ".......Er, hello there!"

Sabinite: "....Hi! You must be ..... a wrestler, no??"

CMA: "I'm a manager, actually. I manage the Tartan Army."

Sabinite: "Ooooh, a big burly Scotsman!" (she looks lovingly in CMA's eyes. He is getting mesmerised.)

CMA: "So......what's your name?"

Sabinite: ".....That doesn't matter...."

Sabinite grabs CMA's wrist, and pulls him quickly into the door right behind her.

CMA: ".....You damn right it doesn't matter!"

Sabinite and CMA disappear behind the door. The door is slammed shut.



Foley: "My God! What a JEZEBEL!!"



* THEME TUNE - 'Complete Control' by The Clash *

Inside the ring is Oldschooler. For the first time, he is standing alongside his bodyguards, JBL Mark and Corino Punk. They look pleased after destroying some roster members just minutes ago. The Tartan Army music plays, and Haraga joins Oldschooler in the ring.

Oldschooler and Haraga vs. FNS and ExGenesys
w/ JBL Mark, Corino Punk

FNS and ExGen waste no time, they charge down the ramp before their music even plays, and they begin laying into Oldy, Punk, Mark and Haraga! Of course, they get over-powered very quickly, and eventually, all the referees come down to help Mini-Me sort things out. JBL Mark and Corino Punk are forced outside, and the match can then officially begin!

A great brawl, this one! FNS and ExGen prefer using more skill, but they just don't have the time here - it degenerates into a tornado-style brawl from the start, Haraga pummeling FNS outside, and Oldy and ExGen banging heads inside the ring!

Haraga throws FNS into the steel steps - then JBL Mark and Corino Punk on the outside pick up FNS and throw him into the crowd!

Haraga squares up to Corino Punk!

Haraga: "Hey yoooo - ah can kick his heed in maself, RIGHT??!"

Haraga pushes Corino! Mark then knocks down Haraga! All of a sudden, down the ramp charges Max Caschera and Squat Rocker!! They attack Mark and Corino! Haraga gets up, and gets in the mix too!

Foley: "Uh-oh...."

ExGen, in the ring, spots what's going on. He hits Oldschooler with a DDT, then climbs the top rope - and jumps on Haraga, Corino, Mark, Squat and Caschera!!

THEN, down comes The Tartan Army - JaYo and Muzza! The tag champs help up Haraga, and start beating the crap out of Corino and Mark! FNS, who has been in the crowd all this time, falls over the barricade, and sneaks into the ring. ExGen does the same, and they are left two-on-one with Oldschooler!

Oldschooler gets up, and walks right into an ExGenerator! He THEN walks right into a Tilt-A-Squirrel Backbreaker! As the chaos continues on the outside, FNS watches on as ExGenesys covers Oldschooler, and gets the three count!

WINBERS: FNS and ExGenesys

Oldschooler can't believe it! He struggles up, and leans in the corner.

The other wrestlers continue to beat each other up, towards the curtains, and around the stage. FNS goes to find Haraga, while ExGen walks up the ramp. Oldschooler asks for a microphone from Jim Carrey.

Oldschooler: "ExGen!! ExGen!! Listen to me!! (ExGen stands on the ramp, and looks back at Oldschooler)

"You blantently CHEATED to beat me! You were NOT the legal man! This shows a LACK of RESPECT! Something which I knew you had all along. So I propose this. At Retribution, I want you to accept my challenge!! My challenge of a match in which you cannot cheat without being punished for it!!

"I'll show you what REAL old-school is all about. ExGenesys, I challenge you.......

.....to a World Of Sport match!!!"


Foley: "Holy crap, Cat!"

ExGenesys lowers his head to the side. He seems intrigued!

Oldschooler: "Six rounds. Three minutes each. You can win via pinfall, KO, or tap-out. Cheat two times, and you lose. And I'm talking about REAL cheating in wrestling - which means no punches, no climbing the turnbuckles.... you're not even allowed to run the ropes. And, of course, you won't be able to use your finisher - so your title as 'Master of the Eye-Rake' will become invalid!! What do you say, you little punk??!"

ExGenesys mulls it over.

ExGen: "I say.....YOU'RE ON!!!"

The crowd go wild!

Foley: "Wow, what a match, scheduled for Retribution! A World of Sport-style match-up - this will be a FEAST of pure wrestling!"

The Cat: "Aw man.......I know when I'll be taking my next cat-nap. This is gonna bore the fur off me!"

Foley: "Give it a chance, Cat, give it a chance!"



* BACKSTAGE *

Mikey Richards is walking down a corridor. He is holding his head, after getting it kicked in earlier on.

Mikey: "Sab!! Sabinite! Where are ya, hun?!"

He walks around a corner, and bumps into Sheriff Baz.

Baz: "Oh, Mikey! Good. I've been looking for you! Now this is importa...."

Mikey: "I'm looking for Sabinite, have you seen her?"

Baz: "Mikey, no I haven't. But I have to tell yo...."

Mikey: "Can't it wait? I've got to go..."

Baz: "You're NOT going anywhere, pal! Stop and listen. This Sabinite - she's bad news. I'm telling you."

Mikey: "Haven't we been through this? I thought she sorted everything out with you last we...."

Baz: "Far from it, Mikey, far from it. She's here to cause trouble. Mikey - you HAVE to stay away from her."

Mikey: "Wait a.....she's my girlfriend, Baz! I can't stay away from my girlfriend! You're crazy...."

Baz: "No! She's crazy. She's out to ruin your career...your life. I should know."

Mikey: "What do you mean - YOU should know? You don't know Sabinite."

Baz: "Oh yes, I know her a lot more than you do."

With this, Mikey SLAPS his boss in THE FACE!!! Baz falls backwards in shock.

Mikey: "You keep the HELL away from my girlfriend, GOT IT??! You sick bastard!"

Mikey runs off down the corridor. Sheriff Baz sits up, and holds his face.

Baz: ".....dammit."






Firework vs Styles Clash

Foley: "My God, the Sheriff is not coping at ALL with the goings on the last couple of weeks. Things are hotting up, and it's clear to see that Baz wishes he wasn't in charge!"

Firework enters the ring first, then Styles Clash comes down. The bell rings, and they lock-up.

Foley: "These two have been given a title shot, like they requested, and they will face up in a match which also features Shake This and Ki Crusher at Retribution for the Gimmick Title!"

Firework beat Ki Crusher last week, but he's up against a young, hungry, confident man this week. Both believe themselves to be the Gold Gauntlet MVP, and they both batter the hell out of each other tonight!

Firework had a long match last week, and was in two matches at ShowDown, including being involved in 90% of the Gauntlet match. This explains why he looks so tired in there. Another note of this match is that Niff appears just after the match starts, and again just stands at the ramp! She did likewise last week, in the match between Ki Crusher and Firework. What's she playing at??

Firework's stamina deteriorates quickly, and a cocky Styles Clash smoothly slides towards the finish line. Firework tries to end it quickly, and it's not long before Firework attempts the Rocket-Buster, but Styles simply flips over the back, lands on his feet, kicks Firework in the groin, and ploughs him with the Cradle Piledriver! One hook of the leg later, and Styles Clash picks up another big win!

WINNER: Styles Clash

Styles Clash rolls out the ring...then re-enters the ring! Firework gets up - and Styles Clash hooks in ANOTHER Cradle Piledriver! The referee is not amused, but Styles Clash goes for a SECOND cover! And he makes the count himself, with his hand. Three slaps later, and Clash stands up, and rolls out the ring.

As he walks down the ramp, to the sound of boos, he points at Firework, then holds up two fingers, then points to his own waist, symbolising the fact he could be the next Gimmick Champion!

Foley: "Styles Clash made a HUGE point there - he just pinned Firework TWICE, just to prove he could - and if he does that, Shake This will no longer be the Gimmick Champion - Styles Clash will be!"




* BACKSTAGE *

Sheriff Baz is walking, head down, towards his office. As he gets closer, he hears noises coming out of his door. He hears shouting, arguing, and banging noises. Baz sighs, and pulls the handle. He very slowly opens the door, just enough for him to peek his head round to see.

Inside Sheriff Baz's office, is a war.

Max Caschera, Squat Rocker, The Genius, JBL Mark, Corino Punk and Haraga are fighting inside the room! The place has been turned upside down!

Baz sighs again, and closes the door. He mumbles something about sorting it out next week. He turns around, and sees JaYo and Muzza charging towards him!

JaYo: "Quick! The fight's in HERE!!"

Muzza: "Let's kick some ARSE!!"

They knock over Sheriff Baz, kick the door in, and charge inside!


The Cat: "Wow, only weeks in, and Sheriff Baz has lost control big-time!"







* THEME TUNE - 'Weenie Beenie' by Foo Fighters *

The crowd, laughing at the carnage of backstage, then begin booing loudly, as that heinous traitor Ghostface enters the arena, and walks down to the ring!! For some reason, there are two men in suits walking alongside him.

Foley: "Well, here comes the World Heavyweight Champion.....and boy, does he have a lot of explaining to do!"

Ghostface does not acknowledge the jeers one bit. He stands in the ring, and then he looks around. The two mystery men stand alongside him.The fans are filling the arena with hissing and booing!

Ghostface: "....Judging by this reaction, my plan has worked!"

Foley: "What plan??!"

Ghostface: "At last, you people are FINALLY taking notice of me!

The fans chant 'asshole! asshole! asshole!' as Ghosty explains his actions.

"Since this time last week, I've been hearing the same thing - 'Why Ghostface?!'..... 'Why, champ?!'....... 'Boo-hoo-hoo, you were a bad man!!' ....Aww just STOP, will you??! Even backstage, I hear the likes of FNS go whyyyyyy??! Like a little cry-baby. You bunch of losers. It's flaming OBVIOUS, isn't it??!"

Foley: "He did it because he's scared of Bal taking his title, obviously...."

Ghostface: "I destroyed Bal Bowski.......to PROTECT this company!!"

Foley: "WHAT???! What IS he talking about?!"

Ghostface: "Ever since the World Title Tournament began, to crown the first World Champ, which I won of course....no-one cared. No-one cared about that tournament at all. You know why? Because Bal Bowski wasn't in it. Everyone seems to think the whole purpose of this show, the whole purpose of this promotion, is for Bal Bowski to overcome the odds and finally win the World Title. So, everyone was too occupied with Bowski's little feuds to care about Ghostface becoming the World Heavyweight Champion. You ALL think that I'm a transitional champion - that I'm only here to keep it warm while Bowski fights his way closer to it. I have been winning matches and making this title a worthy one, but no - you all don't care about that because your "hero" Bal Bowski kicked Shane McMahon in the nuts."

The crowd cheer, and chant, 'Bowski! Bowski! Bowski!'

"You all seem to think that this show revolves around Bal Bowski, and that, in some fairytale ending, he will take the World Title from me at Retribution. Well, this ain't no fairytale. I'm getting FED UP of being OVER-LOOKED! FED UP of being WALKED-OVER! And it will all be a shock to your system when Bal Bowski FAILS to beat me - EVER!! Bal Bowski becoming a World Champion will be the downfall of this promotion! Who's to say that Bowski won't run away to Greenwich, Conneticuit with the World Title if he ever got it? It would RUIN Showtime City Wrestling! You all saw what happened last week with Larsson, dumping the original TWCW World Title, a title he never lost, into the garbage - have TWCW produced a show since that happened? NO. They don't even know who RUNS the damn place!!"

* THEME TUNE - 'R U Ready' by Randy Savage *

The crowd wet their pants as Bal Bowski's music hits, and the man himself appears through the curtain!

Bal Bowski stands on the ramp, and stares at Ghostface. The man is full of intensity!

Bowski: "I don't know why you really did this, and to be honest, at this time I don't care for an explanation anymore. What I do know is that at Retribution, I am going to walk into that ring, beat you half to death, AND take that World Championship from you."

The audience applaud Bowski!

"As for right NOW, however.....I am just simply going to walk into that ring, and beat the OTHER half of you to death...."

Bowski drops the microphone, and begins to rip off his shirt. The crowd stand up in anticipation!

Ghostface: "Sorry, Bal, but that ain't happening tonight! I think you'll find that these two men alongside me are POLICE OFFICERS....and if you come within 30 feet of me, one 'ok' from me and you're spending the night IN JAIL!!"

Foley: "My God - not the 'restraining order' card!"

Bal Bowski drops the shirt down, and walks towards the ring.

Ghostface: "Besides, you've already verbally threatened me tonight.....hey!"

Bowski continues to walk towards the ring.

"Did you not hear me! Go away! Get lost! Vamoosh!"

Bowski stands right at the apron.

"You enter this ring - you WILL be going to jail."

Bowski continues to stare at Ghostface. The two men keeps tabs on Bowski. The crowd are urging him to enter the ring! ......Bowski shakes his head, and turns around. The crowd start booing as Bowski walks back down the ramp.

Ghostface begins laughing, and then he quickly rolls out the ring, and chases after Bowski!

He reaches Bowski on the ramp, and grabs the shoulder. Bowski turns around.....and SMACKS the champ in the mouth! Ghostface goes down! The two men jump out the ring and chase down Bowski - Bowski knocks the first guy down with a right-hand, then knocks down the second with a swift kick to the head!

Bowski puts his hand in his pocket - and takes out some BRASS KNUCKS! He locks them on his right fist, waits for Ghostface to get up - WHAMM!!! Ghostface is laid-out and knocked-out with the brass knuckles to the cheekbone!

The crowd are going nuts as Bowski rips the knucks off, and briskly walks back through the curtain.

Foley: "Bal Bowski with a hit-and-run attack on the world champ!! And apparently, a couple of police officers too!"

A camera follows Bal Bowski, as he jogs down a couple of corridors, and enters the car-park. He picks a car at random, smashes the window in, and opens the door. He enters, starts the car, and drives off.

The Cat: "This guy is CRAZY!"

Foley: "He may have done a few things there that he may regret later on, you can bet your bottom dollar that things are gonna explode well out-of-hand next week, on Jinx! We gotta go, but thanks for joining us! And if you see a madman driving down the wrong side of the road - stay away. This guy is DANGEROUS! Thanks again folks - we'll see you next week!"

Quote:

 

Showtime City Wrestling
- brought to you tonight by that show about Hitler that was on ITV last night that I didn't even watch.

Tonight - SCW Jinx, Episode Twelve!!
(.....frickin' hell, I've done TWELVE??!)

As soon as the cameras roll, the ring is occupied by the temporary owner of SCW, Sheriff Baz. And, around the ring, stands the ENTIRE Showtime City Wrestling roster, except for 'Big' Bal Bowski.

Sheriff Baz: "Howdy."

"Last week on Jinx, the show got completely ripped to shreds. People were attacking other people left, right and centre, including me, and this absolutely cannot happen again."

"Next week is our next Pay-Per-View, New Year's Retribution - and I want to provide a GOOD show. I cannot do that if I aren't receiving any respect for the decisions I make."

"Now, I address you all at ringside - if you have a problem with me, step into this ring right now."

Every single person jumps up onto the apron.

"Whoa, whoa - ok, ok! Get back down! Step off the apron! .....(sigh)....

"We'll do this another way. Thing is, it's the same both ways - I'm fed up of each and every one of you buckos too. You've all disrespected me, and for that, I am docking a week's wages from the lot of you. Yes, even you, Mini-Me."

The roster look devastated.

"You! You two! (Baz points at JBL Mark, and Corino Punk) Get in here right now."

Oldschooler's bodyguards step into the ring.

"We had a Tag Team Number one contender match, and you two caused it to end in a no contest. Care to explain yourselves?"

JBL Mark takes a mic.

JBL Mark: "As two of the newest faces around here, we wanna make up for lost time. We know we can take your SCW Tag Titles, and make them the hottest property around here. So, it should be US who get the next Tag Title shot."

Sheriff Baz: "There's a slight problem there, being that you two aren't contracted as wrestlers. You can't be wrestlers and bodyguards at the same time. Sorry, but you're just gonna......"

Oldschooler steps into the ring, and takes a mic.

Oldschooler: "Hello Baz."

Sheriff Baz: "Howdy."

Oldschooler: "I won't beat around the George W. These guys are talented. They have strength, skill, and I personally trained them myself. Not only that, but they have RESPECT for the history of this business, something which I think even you lack. If these two want a Tag Title reign....then I won't stop them."

Nevermore then steps into the ring. He whispers in Baz's ear.

Sheriff Baz: "Ok, ok. You two haven't even had a match yet in SCW. But tonight, that's gonna change. You two can take on Max Caschera and Squat Rocker. You win - I'll consider you in the title hunt. You lose - I'll send you to APW."

Foley: "Oh my God!"

Into the ring next is Haraga!

Haraga: "Baz - I have something important to say......I think you're SHITE!"

Nevermore: "Hey, hold on a minu......"

Haraga: "Aw shut the hell up, Everbore - you're only here for the money and everybody knows it. Baz, this place is a joke, and it just so happens that it's been a joke ever since YOU took charge. Even the writers have been turning up drunk for God's sake - you can't command respect, and you know it. The only thing that can make this place respectable again is.....the return of Mr.Showtime."

The crowd pop for the boss!

"Now, I've been in touch with Showtime on a daily basis - unlike YOU. And I've promised to set a few things straight around here while he's gone. And if you get in my way in the process - I'll have no hesitation in TAKING you OUT!!"

Nevermore: "Look, this ain't helping one bit, Hara......"

Sheriff Baz: "Nevermore - shut up. Haraga, just tell me what you want."

Haraga: "It's simple - I want FNS......at Retribution!! He's the reason Showtime's out, he's the reason you're in charge, and I vowed to the boss to get my hands on him! I want HIM!!!!"

Sheriff Baz: "OK! OK!! Haraga - you've got your wish. Haraga vs FNS, at Retribution."

The Cat: "Wow, good match-making by the Sheriff!"

Haraga grins and rubs his hands in glee.

Sheriff Baz: "Good. Now that everything is sorted, I...."

Baz is cut off by the World Heavyweight Champion, Ghostface!

Ghostface: "Baz, Baz, Baz. I am YOUR World Heavyweight Champion. And as such, it should be ME and ME ONLY that you ask about problems with employees. I represent every single person in and around this ring. And I only see ONE problem in Showtime City Wrestling.

"And that's Bal Bowski."

The crowd disagree.

"Last week, he ASSAULTED me! He smacked me in the chops with brass knucks! Not only that, but I put a restraining order on him, and he STILL attacked me! AND the cops!"

Nevermore: "Actually, Ghosty - I talked to them "cops" after the show. The weren't cops at all - you hired independant wrestlers Indie and ProDaz to PRETEND to be cops!"

Ghostface: "...I.....No, I......just shut up, will ya??!"

Nevermore: "But I'm gonna be nice and give 'em a chance for revenge. Because tonight's main event will be a handicap match - ProDaz and Indie....versus Bal Bowski!!"

The crowd go 'yay!'

Ghostface: "Anyways, what matters is that he attacked me before our World Title Match, without provocation. Therefore, I announce that Bal Bowski is no longer entitled to a World Title shot!"

The crowd disagree. Again.

Sheriff Baz: "Ghostface......for that piece of incorrect information, I am docking a further week's wages from you."

Ghostface grabs Sheriff Baz by the throat!

Ghostface: "I am KEEPING this title!! AND by God Barry - I will do anything to keep this title from Bowski. You hear me?! ANYTHING!!"

Nevermore: "Hey, lay off him man!"

WHACK! Ghostface hits Nevermore in the face! Then, for no reason, JBL Mark and Corino Punk attack Haraga in the corner! This provokes the other Tartan Army members, and they enter the ring! FNS enters to attack Haraga, ExGen is after Oldschooler, and within seconds, EVERY SINGLE roster member storms the ring, and begin attacking each other! The Council, Mikey, The Genius, Firework, Shake, Styles Clash all rumble in the ring! Nevermore has been knocked down in the corner, and Sheriff Baz is trying to break people up!

* THEME MUSIC - 'R U Ready' by Randy Savage *

Foley: "Oh my - look! It's BAL BOWSKI!!"

Bal Bowski charges the ring as the battle continues, and get straight into the mix!

BAM! A Bal-Breaker to Max Caschera!

WHACK! A Bal-Breaker to Styles Clash!

WHAMMO! Haraga hits a Scots Suplex on FNS!

KER-POW! Firework plants Ki Crusher with a Rocket-Buster!

SPLAT! Ghostface nails Shake This with The Seance!

Foley: "It's carnage!! The Sheriff has lost control AGAIN!"

The ring slowly empties, on one side, Bowski throws out Squat Rocker, whist Ghostface chucks out ExGen - they end up walking into each other in the middle - and Ghostface reacts first!

Foley: "WHAM! What the...? Bal-Breaker! Bal-Breaker! Ghostface just hit Bal Bowski with his own finishing move!"

Ghostface stands tall in the centre of the ring, and puts a foot over Bowski's chest, and raises his hand! Sheriff Baz sneaks round the ring, and looks at the surrounding area. There are wrestlers EVERYWHERE. Some are down and out, some are still fighting, into the crowd, up the ramp, and over the announce tables.

Sheriff Baz puts his head in his hands. Nevermore can be seen kneeling in the corner, holding his face in agony. He slowly looks up, and spots Baz outside. Nevermore looks angry....

The Cat: "Wow. These guys need to lay off the Smarties. Too many E-numbers are bad for you, Mick!"

Foley: "They certainly are."






* BACKSTAGE *

Niff is sitting in the female locker-room. She looks kinda bored, and no wonder - she is, after all, the only female on the official roster.

In walks Sabinite.

Sabinite: "Ooh, I'm glad I found you! Hi, my name's Sabinite."

Niff: "Hi! I'm Niff. You're Mikey's girl, yeah?"

Sabinite: "Yeah whatever. Listen, I have some bad news for you. I....I'm so sorry that I'm the one to have to break it to you......I overheard Sheriff Baz earlier today....and I think he's thinking about letting you go."

Niff: ".....What? Never!"

Sabinite: "It's only what I heard. However, he seemed totally devastated by it. I think he's torn - he wants to do what's best for business.....but deep down, I think he has a crush on you."

Niff: "...Nahhh."

Sabinite: "I think he does. You wanna keep your job, yes?"

Niff: "What do YOU think?"

Sabinite: "Well I know what I'd do if I was in your position...."

Niff: "......what's that?"

Sabinite wraps her hands around Niff's cheeks!

Niff: "What the..."

Sabinite plants a tongue down Niff's throat!

The Cat: "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!! AARRRGGHH-OOWWWW YESSS!"

The kiss goes on for another awkward few seconds. Sabinite releases herself from Niff, and simply turns and walks out. Niff's eyes have lit up in pure shock.

Niff: "Wow...

"...She kisses just like a man."







Al Watson: "Good evening, grapple fans! I am with the manager of the Tartan Army, CMA. CMA, tonight your lads are in an 8-man tag match - Haraga, JaYo and Muzza are teaming with Oldschooler to take on FNS, ExGen, Mikey and The Genius. Got a good chance of winning?"

CMA: "Aye! Course we do! Those four brats are gonnae get a good licking, I mean kicking, and we'll go on to Retribution to take on all comers."

Al Watson: "Speaking of which - we're one week away from Retribution, yet JaYo and Muzza have no opponents yet. Seems that The Council, Mikey & The Genius, and now Mark & Corino want your Titles."

CMA: "Bring 'em ALL on, I say! There's nothing we like more than a good scrap - the more the merrier."

Al Watson: "Interesting. Also interesting was last week, when you had a little - confrontation with a lady."

CMA: "Er, how did ye know aboot that??! Ah crap, it wasn't on camera, was it?"

Al Watson: "Indeed it was. And she's not just any lady.......she's the girlfriend of Mikey Richards."

CMA: "......Aw crap. I'm getting out of here!"

CMA jogs off.

Al Watson: "Back to you guys."






The brawling has subsided. For now.

The Council vs Mark & Corino

JBL Mark and Corino Punk entered their very first match-up in high spirits. Whereas Max Caschera and Squat Rocker looked exhausted in comparison.

The match lasted about 8 minutes or so, but with both teams competing in the same style, there was little to shout home about. However, Mark & Corino looked very impressive, and went through this match without doing a single thing wrong.

Max and Squat seemed to be shocked that the newcomers were very stiff workers, and the Council members were visibly legitimately hurt by the final couple of minutes.

The match ended up in a two on two scrap in the ring, and it seemed that Squat and Max were gonna pummel Corino with the Brick Wall - but Mark got in the way and speared Max down! Squat turns, and Mark hits a clothesline which sends them both out the ring!

Corino Punk waits for Caschera to get up, sneaks behind him, and plants Max with a Dragon suplex! One, two, three! That's a major upset right there!

WINNERS: JBL Mark and Corino Punk






* BACKSTAGE *

Nevermore catches up with Sheriff Baz backstage, as they reach Baz's office.

Baz: "Don't say anything - look, I'm sorry..."

Nevermore: "Hey man - I could shout my head off, but I won't. We were in the ring, it turned into a rumble - it just happened that I got in the way. Water under the bridge.....BUT - the rumble should never have happened in the first place.

Baz: "I had to sort out folks' problems, Neve....."

Nevermore: "Yes, but perhaps putting them all within the same area at the same time wasn't the brightest idea.....look. I have an idea. And I think it will improve EVERYONE'S outlook around here. Why......why don't you take a few weeks off?"

Baz: "Huh?......I can't do that - there's a PPV coming up!"

Nevermore: "I meant after the PPV, baz. Take a vacation, relax, chill out....and I'll sort everything out for when you retu....."

Baz: "What - YOU are gonna be in charge??! Now I get it - look man, I brought you in here to help me out, not to OUST me. I should've bloody known. You're just as back-stabbing as everyone else around here aren't ya?!"

Nevermore: "Don't be an idio......"

Baz: "I bring you in to help, and ever since, the place has been chaos. Haraga's right - it is my fault this place is out of control - and it's because I've brought in twats like YOU."

Nevermore: "I'm not gonna lower down to this - you think about what I said. I'll see you at Retribution."

Baz: "....Where are you going?"






Nevermore: "........I have to return some videotapes."










The Tartan Army & Oldschooler vs FNS, ExGen, Mikey & The Genius

A very good 8-man tag here, the second in SCW history. Being that all three members of the Army were in this one, their chemistry was slightly better. CMA was no-where to be seen in this one though, and you could tell that JaYo, Muzza and Haraga were a bit puzzled by that one.

Mikey's team took full advantage of the fact that it was a straight 4-on-4, and when the battle escalated into an 8-man brawl, the huge trademark moves of the team were getting pulled out of the sleeves - Tilt-A-Squirrel Backbreakers, lots of top-rope moves from The Genius, and a great double DDT by ExGen and Mikey on Muzza!

The finish came when the competitors brawled outside the ring, except for JaYo and Mikey Richards. Mikey tried a huricanranna, but JaYo held on, and threw Mikey chest first into the turnbuckles! JaYo waits for Mikey to stumble into the centre of the ring, and connects with the Single Malt - but no! Mikey reverses it, and performs a Sunset Flip! He flips over JaYo, and tries with all his might to pull JaYo down! JaYo is struggling to stay standing, and just when it looks like he's gonna power out - The Genius flies through the air, from the top turnbuckle, and performs a top-rope Sunset Flip! Mikey rolls out the way, JaYo loses his footing, and The Genius hooks his legs on JaYo's shoulders, and manages to hold him down for three! What a win!

WINNERS: FNS, ExGenesys, The Genius and Mikey Richards

As the match is ending, Haraga and FNS are fighting up the ramp. FNS tries to hit a Squirrel backbreaker, but Haraga uses his strength, powers out, and snaps FNS in half with an inverted Scots Suplex on the steel ramp! Oh man that's gotta hurt!

FNS is dragged towards the side of the entrance stage by Haraga, and dragged to his feet. Haraga lifts FNS up in the gorilla press position, and walk stowards the edge of the stage!

Foley: "Don't you dare do this man! You'll KILL him!"

The Cat: "Hmm - just like FNS tried to kill Showtime!"

Foley: "....Still! Come on!!"

Haraga's smiles proudly, and tosses FNS right off the stage! FNS free-falls twenty feet, and crash-lands through four wooden tables sitting below!

'HOLY FUCK! HOLY FUCK! HOLY FUCK!'

Foley: "Good Rod Almighty!! FNS has been broken like a Frenchman snapping open a baguette!"

The Cat: ".....you WHAT??!"







* BACKSTAGE *

Sheriff Baz is walking around his office. He looks bewildered, confused, upset, and like Ronnie O' Sullivan. There's a knock on his door, and Niff peeks her head around the door.

Baz: "Oh. It's you Niff. How are you?"

Niff looks really scared.

Niff: "Hi Baz. I know we haven't talked in a while, and you have things on your mind....I just wanna know how you are."

Baz: "Not really that good. I've been better Niff. But I'd really like it if you'd leave me alone til another time...."

Niff: "No, I need to get this over with now...."

Baz: "(Angry) Niff - listen, I'm too occupied to think about you right now. And I know what this is about - you're not getting enough attention. Well that simply isn't my fault........."

Niff: "I know I know! It's my fault. I put Shake This outta action for two weeks, then I inadvertantly cost Ki Crusher to lose his title to Shake. I now have no-one who trusts me. I've spent the last while doing nothing, and now I know why.....

Baz: "Niff, let's talk about this LATER!"

Niff slowly walks right up to Baz, and holds his hand.

Niff: "I know everything, Baz. I know what you wanna do....."

Niff grabs the back of Baz's head, and pushes it into her own face! She tries to give him a good tonguing!!

The Cat: "WHAT THE HELL??!"

Baz struggles with Niff, and finally breaks free. In doing so, he pushes Niff, and she falls over, and cracks her head against a chair.

Baz: "Oh shi.....Niff! Niff I'm sorry! Are you ok?!"

Niff screams out, then looks up at Baz. She looks petrified!

Niff: "You BASTARD!!"

Niff slaps Baz, and pushes him away! She pulls herself up from the ground.

Niff: "You've attacked the wrong woman, Baz - you selfish FUCK!"

"I won't forget about this...."

Niff quickly gets out the room clutching the back of her head.

Baz: "ARGH!! Why can't I do anything RIGHT??!"








Elimination Tag Team Match
Shake This & Firework vs. Styles Clash & Ki Crusher

Before the match starts, The Gimmick Champion Shake This is shockingly blind-sided! As he places his belt at the announce desk, Ki Crusher smashes him from behind with a chair! Right in the head! He rolls Shake into the ring, and drags Firework from the apron to the outside.

Inside the ring, Styles Clash laughs at Shake as he tries to get up!

Foley: "The champ has been BUSTED WIDE OPEN!!"

A bloody Shake pulls himself up, and Styles Clash locks on the cradle piledriver! Styles plants Shake on his head, hooks the leg, makes the cover, and the champ is gone!

The Cat: "I don't believe it! The perv of SCW has been beaten in record time!"

The rest of the match, Styles and Ki Crusher double-team Firework, and although Firework gets in some offense, he's no match for the two blood-thirsty opponents!

Ki Crusher locks in the Ki-Lock submission hold, but Firework simply refuses to quit! The crowd get behind Firework as he struggles to reach the ropes! Firework is so close to tapping out, but he just doesn't do it!

Firework grabs the ropes! Ki keeps the hold on for another few seconds, then lets go. Styles Clash demands a tag, and so Crusher tags him in. Firework can't weven get up. He's been decimated!

Ki Crusher helps Styles Clash pull up Firework, and Styles hooks Firework up, and BAMM! A second cradle piledriver! Styles Clash covers Firework, and gets a second pin!

WINNERS: Styles Clash and Ki Crusher

As soon as the match ends, Styles Clash turns to Ki Crusher. He congratulates Ki, and they raise hands!

Foley: "I gotta say, I've had my differences with Styles Clash, but his build-up to The Gimmick Title Double-Or-Nothing match next week at Retribution has been PERFECT! Last week he pinned Firework twice, and this week he's pinned both opponents! He gets two falls at Retribution - he's the new champ!"

Styles Clash celebrates with Ki - then turns to face him, and nails HIM with a cradle piledriver!!

Foley: "What the hell was THAT for??!"

The Cat: "OOWWW that was sweet! That's what I call a REAL man's man!"

Foley: "It's just un-called for, if you ask me!"








* BACKSTAGE *

We see Mikey Richards & The Genius.

Mikey: "Aw man, after that performance, we'll get that Tag Title shot for sure! There's NOTHING that's gonna stop us!"

Genius: "That's right, Mikey - and I should know, I'm a genius."

Sabinite walks in.

Genius: "Oh. It's YOU."

Sabinite: "Hi Gene. Mikey - that was GREAT! Well done. This time next week, you're gonna be on the map, I just know it!"

Sab gives Mikey a huge hug.

Mikey: "Let's hope the Sheriff gives us that shot, then."

Sabinite: "Oh, don't worry about him.....by the end of Retribution, everything's gonna be just fine....."

Sab winks at The Genius as she continues to hug Mikey. The Genius walks out the room quietly.



Foley: "Well Mikey is right about the Tag Title shot - because I've just received word about the final card for Retribution - next week on Pay-Per-View!!"

The SCW Gimmick Title is on the line in a Double-Or-Nothing match - Styles Clash, Firework, Ki Crusher and Shake This compete! The first person to gain two falls in this four-way match is the Gimmick Champion!

Haraga vs FNS! Haraga vows to get even, and beat the holy hell out of the man who hospitalised Mr.Showtime!

ExGenesys vs Oldschooler - World of Sport Match!! Oldschooler issued the challenge - ExGen accepted! Six rounds, three minutes each - can ExGen overcome the odds, or will Oldy acheive his aim of beating some respect into him??!

As I just mentioned, this match just announced! The Tag Title controversy HAS been decided - at Retribution, JBL Mark and Corino Punk will take on Mikey Richards and The Genius - and the winning team face JaYo and Muzza IMMEDIATELY afterwards! Who will come out on top??

And of course, the main event, it's been literally weeks in the making - former friends Bal Bowski and Ghostface compete to determine the fate of the SCW World Heavyweight Championship! My God it's gonna be a WAR!!





Indie and ProDaz vs 'Big' Bal Bowski

Bal Bowski absolutely DESTROYED these two wannabes! He concentrated on Indie first, hitting several back-breakers to soften the spine......then when Daz tagged in, Bal Bowski performed the World Tour combo, which this week included a Belgium body-block, a Russian Leg-sweep, a Sri Lankan wash-out, and a Polish Hammer. When Indie entered again, Bowski hit them both with a clothesline, them nailed both the youngsters with a Double Danish Bacon!

He then picked up Indie and threw him out the ring, and hit ProDaz with a Bal-Breaker! Indie is nowhere to be found, and Bowski picks up a great victory after the one-two-three!!

WINNER: Bal Bowski

Foley: "The number one contender has shown everyon......what the??! The bell only just rang, and here comes the World Champ - Ghostface is walking down the ramp!"

Ghostface, belt on shoulder, looks deadly serious. Bowski spots him, and stares back at him. Bowski then hops out the ring, and the two battlers meet each other at ringside, and begin hammering each other with lefts and rights!

Foley: "Yes! This is what we've been waiting to see!"

Bowski takes advantage, and throws Ghostface into the steel steps! He slides the SCW Title belt into the ring, and then rolls the champ in. Bowski enters too, and picks up the belt.

The Cat: "Bal is gonna thump that belt into the champ, just like he did with the brass knucks last week!"

Bowski waits for Ghosty to get up - he does, he turns around, and Bowski swings the belt!

Ghostface ducks, and hits another Bal-Breake....NO! Bal counters it, swings Ghostface around, and WHAM-NO! Bowski's Bal-Breaker is ALSO countered - the champ swings Bowski around, and goes for the Seance......Bowski blocks it, and BAMM!!! Bal Bowski hits Ghostface with The Seance!!!

Foley: "Retribution! Retribution right there! Bowski hits Ghostface with the champ's own trademark move! Shades of earlier tonight my God!!!"

The crowd go absolute crazy as Bowski bends down, and picks up the World Heavyweight Title belt. He shines the centre plate up a bit, and slowly raises it to heaven for the world to see!

Foley: "Bal Bowski is gunning for Ghostface! The champ says he will do ANYTHING to stop Bowski winning, but he's gonna have to do a helluva lot! Bowski gains the momentum heading into Retribution! Join us next week on Pay-Per-View folks, it's shaping up to be a shocker of an evening! Thank you everybody!!

Dina

2nd August 2011 - 11:13 PM

How much more you got, Showtime? It was because of you I got into Queens of the Stone Age, an obsession which has cost me thousands of pounds, so the bill is in the post

Quote:

 

EDITOR'S NOTE - 2011 version: This show originally had ACTUAL photographs of Sheriff Baz to aid the story, alas I do not have them so you'll just have to make do. Enjoy.




"Howdy."

"I, Sheriff Baz, welcome you to Showtime City Wrestling's fourth Pay-Per-View. Before viewing, I want you to do one thing. Forget about the problems of the last few weeks. Because that is all in the past. We turn over a new leaf tonight, and I promise.....no - I guarantee.....that this show will be the most blistering in SCW history.

"Thank you - and enjoy the show."


Showtime City Wrestling presents to you -

in association with Mick Foley's new book, 'How The Deformed Please The Opposite Sex'....

This is SCW Retribution!!



Mick Foley: "Good evening everybody! You join us LIVE in the Showtime Arena in Showtime City for our fourth Pay-Per-View, Retribution!! I'm Mick Foley, and as always, alongside me is Red Dwarf legend, The Cat!"

The Cat: "OOOOWWWWWW! Yeah Foley! I can feel it in the air tonight! The atmosphere is slapping me in the face like a cat-flap! I can't wait to see what goes down!"

Foley: "Neither can I - Sheriff Baz said earlier, he wants everyone to concentrate on the wrestling tonight, and forget about anything else that's been going on. Will it happen though? I don't know. What I do know though, is that we are going down to ringside for our first match!"






FNS vs Haraga w/ CMA

* THEME TUNE - 'I'm On My Way' by The Proclaimers

Haraga enters the rinside area, to audible boos. As he hops up onto the apron, he notices none other than FNS' girlfriend, Kimberly Hart, in the crowd!

Foley: "Wow, it's Kimberly! We haven't seen her since the Glasgow Jinx, when she got viciously powerbombed through a table!"

The Cat: "Yup, but look at her now - she looks stunning, and better than ever! Although I don't think the ringside seat is a good idea."

Foley: FNS had the option to opt out of this match due to his injury, but he has showed great, almost Foley-like guts and determination by not just going ahead with the match, but vowing to win it.

Haraga grabs the mic pre-match.

Haraga: "FNS, ah'm givin' ya ONE LAST CHANCE to forfeit the match. Look at these muscles, man - ah know your burrrrrd is! They will CRUSH YA! Ah'm gonna destroy ya, man. Gie up while yer not as far behind as ya will be! YOU'RE SHITE! Ah'm gonna KILL YA! Ah-

* THEME TUNE - 'Power Struggle' by Sunna*

The Cat: "Here comes FNS! And he's charging towards Haraga! Although he's running he's obviously still hurt from last week no matter how hard he's trying to hide it."

Foley: "GUTS! PURE GUTS!!!! COME ON KID, SHOW HIM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!"

The ref rings the bell to start the match.

FNS gets some early offence in and Haraga looks shocked at his determination! FNS lets fly with forearms, dropkicks, arm-drags and a huge back body-drop!

Foley: THE CROWD ARE LOVING THIS! However, he's gonna struggle to keep this up. I can't imagine he can use the Shooting Star Tombstone on Haraga due to his size, banned move or not.....if FNS is gonna win this one he's gonna have to stop Haraga getting any time to recover and maintain a constant offence."

FNS manages an impressive looking Belly to Belly suplex, which appears to have aggrevated his spinal injury. Both men are down, but Haraga gets up first. He looks dazed, but when he comes to his senses he boots FNS right in the back.

Foley: "Ooooh, man, that was loud and PAINFUL!"

Haraga then gives FNS a Scots suplex. His girlfriend is now shown in the crowd near crying, that looked like the kind of move that could cripple a man, especially one with a spinal injury. Haraga cockily swaggers round the ring, and flips off at the girlfriend, but as he's taunting FNS manages to struggle over and get Haraga with the schoolboy 1...2...HARAGA KICKS OUT!!! The crowd are shocked. Haraga then angrily picks up FNS and throws him out of the ring. He then goes out to follow FNS. He grabs him by the head, and pulls him to his feet. Haraga grabs FNS in a bear-hug position, then BAMM! gives him a vicious spinebuster onto the protective mats!!

Foley: "Remember folks, those mats are for aesthetic purposes ONLY - they provide NO PROTECTION WHATSOEVER!!!"

Haraga rolls FNS back in and delivers ANOTHER spinebuster! He goes for the cover - 1...2...FNS KICKS OUT!!!! The crowd pop HUGE!

Haraga picks up FNS yet again - but FNS finds a reserve of strength, and stuns Haraga with a forearm! And a second! And a third! Irish-whip, Haraga reverses, FNS ducks the clothesline, then comes back with a flying head scissors! Haraga is all of a sudden on the ropes, and FNS hits a dropkick! Another Irish-whip, Haraga again counters, Haraga ducks - FNS connects with a running DDT!! FNS goes for the cover - one - two - kickout by the Scot! FNS climbs up top, and waits. Haraga turns to face his opponent - FNS jumps - Haraga connects with a big boot to the face! Ow!

What a shock! FNS tries to get up but he can't. Haraga now gets up on to the top rope and goes for a moonsault??? The move looks very impressive being attempted by a big man, and he makes clean contact with FNS! 1...2...KICK OUT AGAIN!

Foley: "FNS is bleeding from the mouth! Internal bleeding right there - this isn't good at all!"

Haraga shouts out, 'Ah'm gonna KILL YAAAA!' and waits for FNS to get up. FNS takes an age, he can hardly move. So Haraga picks up FNS, and nails him with Haraga's own inverted Scots suplex!!

Foley: "That's it right there, and this one is over! One.......two......thre......NO! Kickout! Kickout! How the hell....(?!!)"

Haraga gives his spine another stiff kick before throwing him into the corner. He goes up top, and drags FNS up with him.

The Cat: "What the hell is Haraga gonna try here....?"

Haraga flips FNS up onto his shoulders, stands up straight on the TOP rope, and jumps! WHAMM! FNS is destroyed with a massive POWERBOMB off the top rope! Haraga leans over, and covers FNS! ...one....two....three! What an opener here tonight!"

WINNER: Haraga

Foley: "Listen to the ovation! Haraga doesn't have many fans, but the crowd are applauding the brutality of that match! FNS just couldn't escape the fact that he was already injured - if he was at 100%, I dare say the outcome could've been a whole lot different."

The fans chant - 'F-N-S! F-N-S! F-N-S!'

The Cat: "You gotta give FNS a lotta credit, that's for sure."







* BACKSTAGE *

The office of Sheriff Baz. With the Sheriff is Mikey Richards.

Sheriff Baz: "Right Mikey. I brought you in here to wish you good luck tonight. However...I have something to show you. I am just warning you now though, that you won't like it, which is why I won't show you it until after the show."

Mikey: "......what the hell are you going on about??"

Baz: "It's some footage I have from a couple of weeks ago, but I'd really not want to......"

Mikey: "If it's important Baz, I'd rather just see it now."

Baz: "I don't wanna ruin your mindset for your......"

Mikey: "JUST SHOW ME THE DAMN FOOTAGE, BAZ!!!!"

Baz: "Ok, ok, calm down Mikey! Ok, I'll show you this footage. It's from CCTV, and so it's not too clear, but you can make out who it is."

Sheriff Baz kneels down and places a tape into the machine. Mikey looks confused. Baz presses play, and the screen crackles before a black and white picture flickers on.

We see a picture of a corridor, and someone, a male, bumping into a female. We see the back of the male, but it is clear that the female is Sabinite. The guy has long black hair. All we can see is a couple of seconds of what looks to be talking, then Sabinite moving backwards, the guy moving forwards, and they walk into a room. The door slams shut.

Mikey looks stunned. He faces begins to boil up in pure anger.

Sheriff Baz: "Well, I'm sorry that you had to see it. I'm really sorry."

Mikey turns to face the Sheriff.

Mikey: "YOU'RE SORRY???! (Mikey starts pulling his hair out.) You're sorry....I cannot believe you've just come out and shown me that......that's it. YOU - wait here. I'll be back. You WILL be sorry!!"

Mikey runs out the room at full pelt.

Sheriff Baz looks back at the tape, rewinds it a bit, and looks again.

Sheriff Baz: "(To himself) ......wait a - did Mikey think this guy is ME??....."

He watches the male in the tape, and looks at his hair. It is VERY similar to Baz's. Baz's face turns to that of horror.

"Oh shit......he thinks CMA is ME!!!.......I'm getting the hell outta here...."

Sheriff Baz begins frantically packing things away. He grabs a bag, and throws some valuables in.



Foley: "Well Cat....only one match in on this PPV, and Baz has already endangered the show! Who knows what Mikey's gonna do....that tape was of that CMA/Sabinite confrontation a few weeks back, it was obvious to us, but you couldn't see who the guy was!"

The Cat: "And to be fair, it did look an awful lot like the Sheriff!"

Foley: "And not only that, from the angle there, it looked like it was the GUY pushing Sabinite into the room, when in actual fact it was she who was PULLING CMA in! This is not good at all."


SCW Gimmick Championship
Double-Or-Nothing Match
Shake This (champion) vs Ki Crusher vs Firework vs Styles Clash

* THEME TUNE - 'Deeper Underground' by Jamiroquai *

The crowd jeer the cocky so-and-so, Styles Clash, as he saunters to the ring!

Foley: "Styles Clash is definitely in top form going into this match - he pinned BOTH Firework and Shake This last week, and the week before, he pinned Firework TWICE! It's gonna be hard to bet against the man."

* THEME TUNE - 'Boom! Shake The Room' by Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince *

Firework makes his way to the ring.

The Cat: "The Gold Gauntlet MVP hasn't had a bad match in SCW since he signed - if he manages to keep his wits about him, and nail the Rocket Buster, he would be half-way to taking the Gimmick Title!"

* THEME TUNE - 'Dead Wrong' by Notorious B.I.G. f/ Eminem *

Foley: "Here comes the former, and first ever, SCW Gimmick Champ, Ki Crusher! He's been through it all in SCW - Ladder Inferno matches. First Blood matches - he's got as good a chance as anyone of winning this thing."

* THEME TUNE - 'I Touch Myself' by The Divinyls *

The crowd are on their feet as the champ enters the ringside area! Shake This acknowledges the fans as he enters the ring, and he locks ayes on all three of his opponents.

Foley: "Shake This won the Zach Gowen Special last month at ShowDown to become Gimmick Champion - and this is his first defence of that very title!"

The ref calls for the bell, and the four men stare each other out, and try to figure each other out.

Foley: "The rules - it is your basic fatal four-way match, there are no tags, it's every man for himself. However, the first fall does not finish the match - the match continues until a man has gained TWO decisions via either pinfall or submission. Also, there is a 20-second rest period between each fall. And of course, the champion does not have to be pinned or made to submit for the title to change hands!"

The match begins with Ki Crusher taking on the man he lost the title to, Shake, and Firework and Styles Clash battle in the corner. Firework hits some forearms in the corner, but Styles recovers, and back-hand chops a hole in Firework's chest!

Crowd: "WHOOOOOOOOO!!"

Irish-whip by Styles, Firework counters, Styles comes back, Firework side-steps, and sends Clash over the top rope and onto the floor! Styles goes crashing into the side of the barricades!

Ki Crusher grabs Shake in a suplex, and hits a snap version. He gets up and sees Firework - he charges, but Firework ducks, and the back body-drop sends Ki Crusher flying over the top, and he crashes right into Styles Clash on the outside!

Firework goes right to Shake, picks him up, and rolls him into a small package - one, two - kickout by Shake! Firework picks him up again, and throws him over the top - but Shake lands on the apron! Firework catapults himself off the second turnbuckle, and connects with a dropkick, which causes Shake to fall back on top of BOTH Crusher and Styles on the outside!

Firework looks around at the 50,000 capacity crowd, and begins to climb the turnbuckles! He stands up straight - focuses on all three opponents who are bunched together, and as they get up, Firework lets fly, and nails all THREE of them with the Catherine Wheel suicide plancha!

'HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!'

Firework gets up first, and he rolls Styles Clash into the ring. He begins to pummel him in the corner with boots - Ki Crusher is next in, and he attacks Firework. Styles gets up, and him and Ki begin to double-team Firework! Ki grabs hold of him, and Styles runs the ropes - but Shake pulls him to the outside!

Firework reverses Ki Crusher's hold, kicks him in the gut, then connects with the Rocket-Buster! He covers - hooks the leg - one....two.....Shake rolls into the ring... three!! Shake couldn't make it, and Firework gets the first fall!

Shake This 0, Ki Crusher 0, Firework 1, Styles Clash 0

Shake looks pissed off, and during the 20-second rest period, he waits for Firework to get up, and he hammers him with a DDT! He picks up Ki Crusher, and throws him to the outside. Shake waits for Firework to get up, the ref calls for the rest period to end, and Shake locks Firework in the Pervous Breakdown! He hits the powerbomb, rolls into a pinning combination, and Firework is stunned as the ref counts to three! Shake is back in it!

Shake This 1, Ki Crusher 0, Firework 1, Styles Clash 0

Foley: "Wow - Shake or Firework get the next fall, and they've won this thing. Ki and Styles need to gain a decision to stay in this one!"

Ki Crusher rolls back into the ring, and while Shake isn't looking, he knocks him down, and locks on the Ki-Lock submission hold! Shake tries frantically to get to the ropes, but it's not happening! Shake is real close to tapping, he is grabbing his head in agony - but Styles Clash enters the ring, and knocks down Ki Crusher! He throws him into the corner, he grabs Firework, and then whips him into Ki Crusher! They collide in the corner! Styles then picks up Shake, and hooks him into position for the cradle piledriver! He lifts him up, but Shake powers back down onto his feet! Shake with a back-drop, then a kick in the bread-basket, and gets Styles up on the shoulders for the Pervous Breakdown!.....Styles rolls it into a huricanranna, he lands on Shake's shoulders, right into the ropes, and the ref counts to three as Styles grabs onto the ropes for leverage! Styles pins the champ!

Foley: "Aw God dammit - what a cheating bastard!"

Shake This 1, Ki Crusher 0, Firework 1, Styles Clash 1

Ki Crusher needs to win the next fall! He gets up, and realises that Styles is celebrating! He quickly splashes Firework in the corner, then hits a spinning heel kick on Styles! Then one on Shake! He whips Styles, and hits a flying head scissors! Firework charges, and gets nailed with a Samoan Drop! Shake This gets up, and Ki locks in the Ki-Lock again! Shake ran right into that one, and he's in the center of the ring! Shake twists his body, and rolls up Ki in a cradle pin - one....two.....Styles Clash makes the save! Styles then grabs Ki, and locks in the cradle piledriver - WHAMM! Ki is CRUSHED!! (no pun intended...) Styles hooks the leg - one.....two.....Firework makes the save this time! He lifts up Styles for the Rocket-Buster, Styles lands on his feet, rolls up Firework, and again grabs the ropes for an advantage! One....two......this time, it's Shake who makes the save!

The fans are on the edge of their seats as this match gets hotter and hotter! Styles loses it, and rolls outside and grabs the Gimmick Title belt! He slides it into the ring. He picks up Ki Crusher, and whips him into the corner - Ki goes sliding along the ground, and careers stomach-first into the ring post!

Crowd: "OOOOOOHHHH!!!"

Styles looks at the crowd and raises his arms in glory! What he fails to notice is Firework picking up the Gimmick Title belt - he wraps it up, waits for Styles to turn around - and WHACK! Firework charges into Styles Clash, and plants the belt into his forehead! The fans go crazy as Styles Clash falls through the ropes!

Firework drops the belt, and turns around - KA-BOOM!!!!

Foley: "Oh my GOD what a MOVE!!!!"

Firework practically walks into a lorry, as Shake This exploded out of the corner and nailed Firework.......with The Whack-Off!!! Shake falls down on top of a now-decapitated Firework, and the ref is there......one........Ki Crusher begins to move out the corner............two.........Styles charges into the ring, and launches himself onto the pin attempt!! .........three!!!! It's over! It's over!

The Cat: "I don't know how he just managed that, but Shake This has retained the title!"

Shake This 2, Ki Crusher 0, Firework 1, Styles Clash 1
WINNER and STILL Gimmick Champion: Shake This

Foley: "We've never seen that move in SCW before - but Firework has been well and truly Whacked Off by Shake This!!"

Shake pulls himself up in the corner, as the ref hands him the Gimmick Title and raises his hand! Styles sits in the middle, and shouts at the ref! Ki Crusher in the opposite corner rolls up into a ball, in obvious pain after the stomach-to-the-ring post spot. And Firework simply is knocked out on the canvas.

Shake leaves the ring, and struggles to keep his footing as his wanders down the aisle. He looks at the fans one last time, and raises the Gimmick Title belt above his head in victory! Styles Clash contines to argue with the referee.





* BACKSTAGE *

Mikey Richards is shown storming angrily down the corridor. His face is red with anger. He looks at the camera following him.

Mikey: "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU PARASITE- this is MY BUSINESS!!"

He then makes a kick at the cameraman and the cameraman falls over - the camera is still working, but only has the view of Mikeys' lower body and a door. Mikey turns to the door and starts thudding on it.

Mikey: "LET ME IN YOU .....! I'LL BREAK THE DOOR DOWN, I SWEAR!"

He thuds and thuds on the door, pulls at the handle, and then charges into it, to no avail. He kicks at the door for a while, but gives up.

Mikey: "I'LL FIND A WAY IN! AND YOU'D BETTER BE READY!"

Mikey thumps the door one last time with his fist, and lets out a screech of anger. He turns away, and walks past the fallen cameraman, and back down the corridor.


Foley: "I dunno whose door that was!! Is he after Sabinite? Or Baz? Or does he actually know that it was CMA on the tape? I'm confused!!!"




* THEME TUNE - 'Complete Control' by The Clash *

The man known as Oldshooler slowly walks down the aisle - the fans booing him as he goes. He looks genuinely miffed that these Showtime Citizens don't like the little punk.

* THEME TUNE - 'Bleed For Me' by Black Label Society *

The fans cheer for ExGenesys as the former SCW Tag Champ makes his way to the ring.

World Of Sport Match
Oldschooler vs ExGenesys

Oldschooler stands in one corner, and ExGen in the other. ExGen is wearing a Flair-like robe as he warms up in his corner. Both men, for this match only, have a team of physios and managers, who fiddle with their man and generally pretend that they are doing something useful. Both men also have a person who holds a bucket with some ice-cold water in it.

SCW announcer, former Hollywood actor Jim Carrey, addresses the fans.

Jim Carrey: "ALLLLLLLLLLLL-RIGHTEEEEE THENNNNN!!! The following match is SCW's first-ever World Of Sport match. I will go through the rules of the match - this match is scheduled to be fought over six, five minute rounds, with a two-pinfall, two-submission or one knockout decision to determine the winner. Each man is allowed one public warning - a second means instant disqulification."

"In the corner to my left, this is his first pay-per-view match - Oldschooler!"

The fans boo! Some old ladies have been placed in the front row to provide an authentic look.

"In the corner to my right, he is undefeated on pay-per-view, and a former SCW World Tag Team Champion - this is ExGenesys!!"

The crowd applaud the 'Gen!!!

Foley: "Look at that - also in the front row for this match is Lou and Andy from Little Britain!"

Lou is settling Andy into his front row seat.

Lou: "Now, are you SURE you want to watch the match Andy?"

Andy: ".....Yeh!"

Lou: "It's just, I've paid a LOT of money to get these seats for this match."

Andy: "Yeh ah know!"

Lou: "....And I'd be very disappointed if you didn't like it - remember, you said that you weren't fond of ExGen matches, because you thought he was a bit....you knowwww....a bit poofy."

Andy: "Yeh ah know!"

Lou: "So we're gonna watch the match then?"

Andy: "......Yeh!"

Lou sits down, as the ref calls for the bell.



Seconds out, Round One!
Oldschooler and Exgen lock-up right away, and they grapple long and hard. Oldy pushes the grapple into the ropes, and the referee breaks them up.

Andy: "...........Ah don like it!"

Lou: "......(sigh)......"

Lou takes Andy away.

ExGen and Oldy grapple again, and Oldy is taken down with a Fireman's Carry! Oldschooler rolls into the corner, and looks angry! ExGen dons a cheeky grin and applauds himself. Oldy gets up, and they lock-up for a third time. Go behind by Oldy, ExGen counters, puts on a side head-lock, but 'schooler slides his way out of it.

They grapple again, 'schooler locks on a front face-lock, but ExGenesys slides out of that and escapes through Oldy's legs, he then trips him up! Oldy lands on his face, and ExGen punces, and locks on a deep hammerlock, and puts his body on the opponent to put the pressure on. Oldy screams out, and Exgen looks up and performs yet another huge smile! Oldy begins to stand up, he counters ExGen's hammerlock into one of his own, then kicks the back of ExGen's knee. ExGen, down on one knee, gets stretched by Oldy's deep hammerlock.

The crowd chant for ExGen as he tries to power out - he stands up, reverses the hammerlock into a writslock, and then - he clamps on a Chinese Burn!

The Cat: "Owwwwwyeah!! A Chinese Burn by ExGenesys! What a move!"

Oldschooler screams out again, as ExGen torques the wrist with both hands! But the bell rings for the end of the round, and the ref breaks them up.

End of Round One.

ExGenesys and Oldschooler sit in their respective corners. The camera focuses on Oldy.

Foley: "Of course, viewers may not have seen Oldschooler on Showtime City Television before - before he signed to SCW he travelled Africa plying his trade, and was the originator of both the Jungle Death Match and the Safari Death Match."

The camera then focuses on ExGenesys.

Foley: "A former tag champion here, but an excellent singles competitor - what you may not know is that ExGen has held many singles championships before entering SCW, including the Snap Championship, Tiddlywink Title, and the Twister Trophy."

Seconds out, Round Two!
Oldy charges at ExGen, but is caught with a snapmare! He gets up quick, and walks right into another one! Then a third! the fans get behind ExGen as he begins to dominate Oldy's own kind of match! Oldschooler goes to slide out the ring, but realises that he may be warned for it, and so he kicks the ring ropes in frustration!

He locks up with Exgenesys, then lifts him up and bodyslams ExGen to the mat! He gets up quick, and 'schooler performs a full nelson. He yanks it on, and forces ExGen to the mat. ExGen tries with all his might to get out, but spends several minutes trying to do so. Eventually Oldy lets go, as he can't force ExGen on his shoulders for a pin.

They get up, the two lock-up, and Oldy hits a wristlock takedown! He then tries to lock the full nelson on again from the ground, but the bell rings. As Oldschooler gets up, he sneaks in a sly knee to the back of ExGen's leg! And the fans don't like it!

End of Round Two.

Exgen felt that one, and he limps into his corner. Oldy looks a bit more refreshed, and sups his water in his corner.

Seconds out, Round Three!
They meet in the middle, and Oldy immediately goes behind, drops to his knees, and hits a forearm into the same knee! ExGen goes down! He gets back up, Oldy takes a couple of steps back, and performs a chop-block! ExGen falls to the mat, and Oldy goes straight for the leg! He crosses ExGen's legs, and locks in an STF!

Oldy yanks the neck back, and ExGen is in obvious pain! He's in the middle of the ring, and decides to tap out quick to stop the pain and stop more damage!

FALL via tap-out: Oldschooler!

Foley: "Oldschooler started off badly, he underestimated ExGen, but he got back into it, and has taken a huge step to winning this one. Remember, Oldschooler picked this match so that ExGen couldn't cheat, so he has a huge advantage! We now go right into the next round."

Seconds out, Round Four!
Oldschooler doesn't even let ExGen get back to his corner - he drags ExGen up by the leg, and nails him with a knee-breaker! He then goes to attempt the STF again - but ExGen pulls him down into a cradle pin, one......two.......oh! Oldschooler got out of that one in the nick of time! They both get up, and a clash of heads sends them both back down!

One......two......three......four.......five.......six.......seven......eight......

Oldschooler gets up at eight, and picks up ExGen - he lifts him up for a second bodyslam.....ExGen wriggles free, lands on his feet behind Oldy - and locks in what looks to be a Vulcan Neck Pinch!

Foley: "Hahaha - the Vulcan Neck Pinch - what a genius manouver by ExGen!"

Oldy struggles, he tries to lift ExGen's hand away from the neck, but he just can't do it! Oldschooler falls to the ground, ExGen follows and keeps the pressure on.....and Oldschooler taps out! He taps out!

FALL via tap-out: ExGenesys!

Foley: "The next decision, be it pinfall or tap-out, will win this one now! It's ExGenesys and Oldschooler, it's one-on-one, it's one fall apiece, and it's World of Sport style! Whoo-hooo!"

Seconds out, Round Five!
Oldy and ExGen lock-up, Oldy tries to kick ExGen in the leg, but ExGen blocks it, and hits Oldy in the face with a dropkick! Oldy gets up, ExGen locks-up, Oldy counters, and connects with a side-suplex! Oldy rolls through for the pin - one....two......no! Kickout by ExGenesys! Oldy then performs an arm-drag, and a second, then the third into an arm-bar takedown! ExGen is locked up in it, but struggles to his feet! Oldy then pushes ExGen away - ExGen bounces off the ropes, and walks right into a sleeper hold!

Oldschooler has it synched in! ExGen is struggling, and is flailing his arms about trying to escape the hold! He grabs Oldy's tights, and flips him up into a back-drop!

Both men are down!

One......two......three......four.......five.......six.......seven......eight......NINE!....

Both men get up at the same time! They grapple hard! They stay in the same hold for a while, while they jockey for position. ExGen ties Oldy up into a wristlock, Oldy ducks under into a hammerlock. ExGen gets Oldy in a side head-lock. He wrenches it on, but Oldy squeezes out and locks in one of his own. ExGen then counters into a front face-lock - then Oldschooler counters that into a standing crossface!

Foley: "Breathtaking wrestling - but it could be over here!"

ExGen, in a surge of adrenaline, powers out the crossface hold - and connects with the ExGenerator!

Foley: "A blatent eye rake! My God ExGen, what are ya thinking??!"

Oldy staggers back and holds his face - he can't see a damn thing!

The ref quickly advises the announcer.

"The referee gives ExGenesys his first public warning!"

Exgen charges down Oldy, pulls him towards the corner, sneaks behind him, and performs a Mexican Rolling Cradle Pin!

The referee counts one.........two........ExGen grabs the ropes for extra leverage!!
........three!!! We have a winner!

The Cat: "Cheat! Cheat!!! ExGen cheated! Twice!!"

WINNER: ExGenesys

Foley: "ExGenesys used up his public warning to gain a HUGE advantage, and use it he well did!"

The Cat: "But it's still CHEATING!!"

ExGen rolls out the ring, exhausted, and collapses on the floor. You can, however, still see him grinning. Oldschooler, in the ring, takes a while to regain his sight. When he does, he sees the referee help up ExGen, and raise his hand. Oldy goes frickin' MAD! As ExGen walks up the ramp, Oldy slides out the ring and begins knocking down the barricades, ripping up the protective mats, and knocking over the timekeepers' table!







* BACKSTAGE *

Sheriff Baz is walking down a corridor. Quite briskly. He is looking around frantically as he walks, checking that no-one can see him. Then he jumps, as his mobile rings.

Sheriff Baz: ".....Hello?

"...Who is this?

"...You what??!

"...I don't know what games you're tryi...

"...don't mess with me like this, it won...

"...just LEAVE ME ALONE, WILL YA?! I'M NOT GONNA GET SUCKED INTO YOUR GAMES!!"

Sheriff Baz hangs up. He stands still, and looks around.





Foley: "I really want to know what's going on around here."

The Cat: "Well I have no clue whatsoever - someone is messing with the Sheriff, and it's getting really deep. This sounds personal, but we all know that almost everyone on the roster is pissed off with him.

Foley: "I'm starting to feel real sorry for the lad...."






We see another backstage area - it's Niff, and she's standing in the canteen on her own. All of a sudden, her mobile rings.

Niff: "Hello?....Oh hi!.....How did it go?..........Aww......Where are you now?......Ok, ok - well I'll just finish making my coffee, then I'll come find ya. Don't worry about it.......Ok, see ya!"

Niff puts the phone away, and continues with the coffee-making.







Foley: "That can't be right! That can't be right at all! Are you telling me that Niff was in on that phone call, and those mind games with Sheriff Baz??!"

The Cat: "Aw come on Mick, that's a wild accusation! Although, I would not be surprised - Baz did give her a bit whack on the head last week."

Foley: "Yeah but that was because she came on to him - at the advice of Sabinite, if you've forgotten! She's one conniving little minx isn't she?!"

The Cat: "Yeah(!) ......speaking of Sabinite, where is she tonight? She in hiding or something?"

Foley: "I don't know.....I don't even know if she's here at all...."









* THEME TUNE - 'Somebody Told Me' by The Killers *

Mark & Corino vs Mikey Richards & The Genius

JBL Mark and Corino Punk make their way to the ring.

Foley: "This is the first part of a two-match Tag Team Title series - as soon as this match is over, the winners take on JaYo & Muzza for the Championships!"

JBL Mark takes a mic.

Mark: "JaYo, Muzza, before we fight Mikey and The Genius I have one thing to tell you. I, like your good selves, am a proud SCOTSMAN!"

The crowd begin to boo JBL Mark.

Mark: "So, seeing I'm Scottish and all, you should really help us two win our match tonight. BE PATRIOTIC! You were my IDOLS when I was fighting in the indies, winning matches while taking Corino here along for the ride."

Corino Punk: "What? Who got the pin in our match last week?"

Mark: "Shut up. Anyhow, you should really help us win- FOR THE SALTIRE - FOR OUR COUNTRY-"

Corino Punk: ".......FOR BERTI VOGTS!"

Mark: "Hey! Listen Corino - I talk, you......keep your slightly less talented ass shut!"

Corino Punk: "....Hey, I can fart the alphabet....."

* THEME TUNE - 'Courage' by Alien Ant Farm *

Mikey Richards music hits!

The Cat: "If this guy's still in a foul mood - I wouldn't wanna be his opponents right now!"









Eventually, someone walks through the curtain. It's The Genius. He looks confused.

Foley: "Hey....where's Mikey??!"

The Cat: "He must still be running rampage through the building! That doesn't sound good at all..."

The Genius walks into the ring, and whispers in the ref's ears. The referee nods, and calls for the match to begin!

JBL Mark & Corino Punk laugh amongst themselves when they realise that Mikey ain't showing!

Foley: "Mikey is nowhere to be found - they can't wait for him all night - and it looks like The Genius is gonna try and go it alone!"

The Cat: "Well good luck to him - he's gonna REALLY need it..."

JBL Mark starts off with The Genius, and they lock-up. The Genius trips him up, and goes for a quick cover - Mark kicks out at one. Genius goes for a backslide, and gets a two count. Then he connects with a crucifix pin, and gets another two. Mark gets frustrated, and tags in Corino Punk.

Corino and Genius run the ropes, Genius leap-frogs him, then falls to his stomach, then does another leap-frog, then connects with a dropkick - but he actually doesn't - Corino held onto the ropes, and The Genius falls on his back onto teh canvas. Corino then goes to work, and hits a back-breaker, followed by a shoulder-breaker!

Foley: "Some rough and tumble stiff offence by Corino Punk - he's partly the reason why The Council are BOTH on the shelf!"

Punk tags in Mark, and they hit a double clothesline, followed by a double suplex. The ref tries to get Punk out the ring, but they go for another double team move! Whips The Genius off the ropes, they duck for a double back body-drop - but The Genius kicks Mark in the chest, then hits a flying forearm smash to Punk! A dropkick to Mark, then a hip-toss to Punk! He throws Mark over the top rope, and then climbs the turnbuckles!

The Genius attempts the Nobel Prize on Corino Punk - but somehow, Corino CATCHES him!! JBL Mark runs back into the ring, and they hit a powerbomb/neckbreaker double-team combination, and The Genius has been wiped out!

JBL Mark is the legal man, but the ref can't remember, and doesn't seem to care, as Corino Punk makes the cover, and gets the three count - Corino & Mark get a Tag Title shot!

WINNERS: Corino Punk & JBL Mark

Foley: "Well, The Genius gave it his best shot - but it simply wasn't good enough. I think it would've been a different story had Mikey showed up! I wonder what the hell he's doing??!"










As Mark & Corino celebrate, the ShowReel big screen shows a clip of Mikey Richards in a dark corridor. He is slouched against a wall, and is pulling his hair out. It looks like he wants to start crying. He knocks over the cameraman when he gets too close, then Mikey starts kicking at the wall. He kicks it twice before realising that was a stoopid thing to do.

Mikey: ".......That's it......"

He charges away, opening a door and going through it.





* THEME TUNE - 'I'm On My Way' by The Proclaimers *

Foley: "Well I don't know WHAT that was about - it sure looked like he was fighting against his own soul!"

The Cat: "...Wow. That's deep."

Foley: "Anyways, The Genius is walking to the back, he looks pissed off! I wouldn't like to see what happens when he finds Mikey...."

The Genius truly looks like he's gonna blow his top, and his walk quickly turns into a swift jog, as he makes his way through the curtains. JaYo and Muzza make their way to ringside.

The Cat: "Hey - where's CMA?"

Foley: "I dunno, Cat.....but it seems he's laying low. And you know what - I wouldn't blame him. After the Sheriff showing Mikey the footage of CMA with Sabinite - we don't even know who's gonna get the blame for all this...."

World Tag Team Championship:
JaYo & Muzza vs. JBL Mark & Corino Punk

JaYo and Muzza hit the ring, and stare down with Mark & Corino. They've just had a match, but it wasn't the most taxing, and this could be a great brawl...

Muzza and Corino start off, and after a few minutes we realise that their strength is almost identical. No-one seems to be getting the upper hand, so they tag in their respective partners. JaYo and Mark face-off, and JaYo, out of nowhere, hits a Japanese arm-drag, followed by a stunning looking delayed vertical suplex!

He only gets a two-count, after Corino comes in to break up the count. This sends Muzza into the ring, and he grabs Corino, and throws him shoulder-first into the ring post! The ref loses control as the Army pick up JBL Mark, and hit him with a Double Whisky!












...................

BANG!!!

...................









Foley: "What the ........ what the hell was that noise??!"

The Cat: "Man, that was LOUD!"

The ShowReel screen lights up. We see a camera stuttering as the man holding it runs down a corridor. He turns one corner, then a second, then a third......the wrestlers in the ring completely stop what they are doing, the fans have all turned to watch the screen...

Finally, the cameraman stops running, and the fans all gasp.............




















****EDITOR'S NOTE - 2011 Version**** There was originally a picture here of Sheriff Baz lying face-down on the stairs...it doesn't look good!



The Cat: "Oh shi......."

Mick Foley rips off his head-gear, as the ShowReel immediately switches off again. The Cat continues to listen down his ear-piece for information, as Foley gets ready to stand up to go backstage. The four men in the ring turn and look at each other - they then all look at the referee, who tries to calm them all down. JaYo immediately rolls out the ring and runs backstage. He is followed by the timekeeper and the announcer.

You can hear Foley talking to Cat as he gets information via his ear-piece. The fans begin to get impatient - some of them start chanting 'holy fuck! holy fuck!' and then 'please don't die! please don't die!'

Foley: "What's going on.........is he ok?...........what do we do? Ok............right....."

Foley nods at The Cat, and he takes off his head-gear and walks to the back. Foley puts his head-gear back on, and sits down. He presses a few buttons, and then begins to talk - the whole arena can now hear him.

Foley: "Ladies and gentlemen......can I get your attention please. If you can just bear with us, we apologise greatly for the delay, but we are going to figure out if the show will continue or not. Please be patient........"

The crowd begin booing.

"A very serious accident has happened, and we need to make sure that no-one else is in danger if we are to continue on with the show. So please be patient...."

As this is happening, the other wrestlers leave the ringside, and jog back through the curtains. The referee stays in the ring, and takes orders through his ear-piece.

Foley switches back so that he is now only talking to the viewers.

Foley: "We apologise greatly for what has just happened - this is nothing more than a tragic accident, this isn't no storyline I can assure you.....and I'm just waiting to find out what we are going to do....."

* THEME TUNE - 'Weenie Beenie' by Foo Fighters *

Foley: ".......Aw for God's sakes....."

The SCW World Heavyweight Champion, Ghostface, appears on the ramp, and the fans are gobsmacked! He looks quite upset, and with title belt on shoulder, he walks solemly to the ring.

Foley: "Now come on....folks, I've not been told anything yet about the show continuing, the man running this show has just been seriously injured and we need to sort it out before this last match takes place...."

Ghostface walks to the timekeeper's desk, and takes a mic. He walks into the ring, and says something to the referee.

Ghostface: "Ok, ok. People. Please quiet down, this is important."

The fans boo him out the building.

"I've been told that the show must go on, in the tradition of entertainment. I am focused and ready to defend my World Heavyweight Title, and it would be a shame, and a damn waste of my time if all this preparation was for naught."

Foley: "Good God, I cannot believe he is saying this....."

Ghostface: "So, Bal Bowski - make your way out here, and give it your best shot."

Foley: "Does this man have no morals?! Does he have no brain??! Barry has been in what must be a tragic accident, and this guy, our World Champion, is deceiving orders by forcing the show to carry on!"

Ghostface: "Think about all the hard work you've put in to get here Bowski - months of working your way to the top. Your title shot, your reward, is right here, right now. You don't take that offer - you won't be considered a contender for my championship by this time tomorrow night......"

Foley: "......Oh, fuck it........"

Mick Foley dumps the head-set, stand up, and starts walking towards the ring! The fans begin to cheer as Ghostface keeps talking - he doesn't see Foley!

Ghostface: "There you go Bal - the fans WANT this match to happen right now! You stay back there - you will upset each and every single person in this building!"

Foley slides into the ring, and grabs Ghosty by the shoulder! He turns Ghosty to face him, and Mick begins talking, rather angrily, to the champ! Ghostface looks completely miffed by this, and he pushes Foley! Foley doesn't retaliate, and instead keeps trying to talk sense into the champion. The fans begin chanting 'Foley! Foley! Foley!' - Ghostface notices this, and he spits in Foley's face!

Crowd: "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Foley slaps Ghostface in the face so hard, his title belt falls off his shoulder! Ghostface retaliates - by smacking Foley in the head with the microphone! The referee still standing in the ring tries to split them up, but Ghosty knocks him down too!! Ghosty begins kicking seven shades of shit outta Foley in the corner!

He steps back, and picks up his title belt - Foley gets up, and runs right into a vicious belt shot! Foley goes down like a ton of bricks, as the fans begin chanting 'Bowski! Bowski! Bowski!' Ghostface rolls outside, and finds a steel chair - while doing this, he looks to the entrance and keeps shouting, 'Come on Bowski! Get down here Bowski!'

Foley begins to sit up in the ring - he's been BUSTED WIDE OPEN!! It's a deep cut all right. Ghostface slides into the ring with the chair, and swings it high, ready to deliver. All the time, he's shouting for Bowski to show....

Foley pulls himself up in the corner, his face a crimson mask..........

Bal Bowski runs through the curtain, and sprints to the ring! He gets to the ring, but stops dead. He looks down, and shakes his head. The fans are urging him to get in the ring! Bowski holds his head in his hands......then looks up - it looks like he's gonna burst out in tears.......then he sighs - and slides into the ring!

The fans go nuts!

Ghostface looks around - Bowski charges - and Ghosty sidesteps him! Bal Bowski hits Mick Foley with a spear!!

Crowd: "OOOOOOOOOOOHH!!"

Bowski gets up quickly, turns around, and Ghostface is there, and plants the steel chair right through Bal's skull!! SMASH!!!!

The fans begin booing loudly as Ghostface helps up the referee. he begins slapping him, and tells him to ring the bell! The referee initially refuses, but Ghosty threatens to punch his lights out! The ref, realising there is no timekeeper, leaves the squared circle to ring the bell himself.....

As he does so, Ghostface kicks the title belt into the centre of the ring - Bowski gets up, and still has the steel chair wrapped around his neck! Bal Bowski walks right into The Seance - onto the World Title belt!

Ghostface removes the chair from his neck, and as the ref rings the bell and re-enters the ring, Ghostface slides both the belt and the chair out the other side, and hooks the leg of Bal Bowski tightly!

The referee has no choice but to get down on his knees and count!

One!.........Two!..........Three!

WINNER and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Ghostface

Ghostface quickly slides out the ring, and grabs his title belt. Fans begin chucking bottles and other objects at him as he walks back up the ramp! Foley crawls over to Bowski - Bowski is now bleeding too, and Foley tries to assist him as they both lie on the canvas.

Ghostface gets to the entrance, as the referee charges down the aisle, trying to avoid the bottles. He reaches Ghostface, and raises his hand one last time!

The fans are chanting, 'BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!' as the ref and the World Champion walk thorugh the curtains, and the cameras fade to black.



EDITORS' NOTE: A massive thank you to everyone who helped - the Sheriff, Ghosty and JBL Mark, and those who contributed ideas. Cheers lads!

Quote:

 

BREAKING NEWS!!

Press Conference regarding condition of Sheriff Baz:

Showtime City Wrestling have just presented this press conference regarding what happened at SCW Retribution earlier today. Present was the Board of Directors, Deputy Nevermore, and the press. One of the directors on the board, Condeets, was chosen to read out the statement due to his unbelievably boring vocal skills.

Taffy: "As Head of the Board, I hand you over now to Condeets."

Condeets: "......Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, as Head-Licker of the board, may I have your attention.

"Sheriff Baz was taken to hospital only minutes after the accident occured. We do not know the specifics of the incident, nor will we speculate at this time, but what we do know is that Barry suffered a gunshot wound.

"We know that he suffered from shock, but until the doctors at Damien Demento Infirmary investigate, we don't know much more at this time."

Reporter: "Has he lost a lot of......"

Taffy: "YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WAIT YOUR TURN!!"

The room goes quiet.




Condeets: "........We will know take some questions, which Nevermore will answer."

Reporter: "Duke Droese, Daily Dump: Was anyone else present at the time of the shooting?"

Nevermore: "We don't believe there was, no. Well, apart from whoever shot him, I would assume."

Reporter: "Ron Simmons, Daily Damn: Who found the body?"

Nevermore: "Erm....he's not dead yet."

Simmons: "........Damn."

Ron Simmons stands up, and walks off.

Nevermore: "Anyway.....well, the cameraman found him first, and I think next there was Bal Bowski and myself. Bal of course went ringside shortly afterwards, but by then there was plenty of people to aid Barry."

Reporter: "Dark Vampire, vampiresaren'tfuckingrealyoumoron.com: Has any weapon been found?"

Nevermore: "As yet, no weapon has been found - however, we will be searching Showtime Arena from top-to-toe before the next episode of Jinx is broadcast."

Reporter: "Steve Blackman, Ninja News: Are you going to try to find out who, and how, this was done?"

Nevermore: "Of course, we are going to have a full investigation into what happened, including interviewing every single person listed as being in the building at the time. This could take a long time, you must understand, but the police have been called in....."

Reporter: "Repo Man, Showtime Evening News: Come on, this is stupid. I can't believe this conference has lasted this long...."

Nevermore: "Excuse me, I don't understand what you mean...."

Repo Man: "This is all a work, right? Listen, can you seriously believe that we'd fall for this? Sheriff Baz hasn't really been shot! This is a storyline!"

Nevermore: "YOU actually BELIEVE we'd present a storyline involving attempted MURDER??!"

Repo Man: "........well, yes? .....Look, it's been working up to this for weeks - you showed Baz after it happened, then you STILL had your main event, while trying to make it look like it shouldn't be happening. This ain't gonna fly with me, and I'm gonna get you don......"

Taffy: "Please escort this man from the building, security."

Repo Man: "What? No! You all know I'm telling the truth! (four big burly men grab Repo Man and help him away) NOOOOOOOO! You'll never get away with this!!!!"

Taffy: "Right. Any more questions?


"Good. We will release some statements later on in the week, and keep you all up-to-date on Barry's condition. In the meantime, we all wish him well and hope he pulls through. Thank you for your time."

Quote:

 

Nevermore has the whole roster sitting down in a board room in the Showtime Arena. Alongside him are Taffy, the Head of the Board of Directors, and Condeets, the Head-Licker of the Board of Directors.

Nevermore: "Right lads. I am under strict orders, and from this moment on, so will each of you.........(he notices ExGenesys, who has his head in his hands) .......Don't be so gloomy! After all, it's not that awful. What happened last week regarding Barry must NOT be mentioned during the show. I want NOBODY to accuse anybody else of anything. I certainly won't be accusing anyone.

However, due to the nature of this incident and how it has affected him, I have given Mikey Richards the night off. He has NOT been arrested as some of you thought. So, Sabinite won't be here either. There is an investigation underway, so let's leave it to the experts, ok?

"Barry has suffered from shock, he's lost a lot of blood, and they had to operate on him. He's lucky he's not in a coma, or worse. They also found a cue ball in his stomach, but we won't go into that right now.

"Anyways, enjoy the show guys - good luck to those of you in matches - and please remember what I just said. I'm away to the ring, to address the fans.

"I'm sure you'll all like to hear what I have to say out there."






LAST WEEK AT RETRIBUTION!

Haraga beat FNS!

Shake This retained his Gimmick Title!

ExGen beat Oldschooler in a World of Sport Match!

The Tag Titles were undecided when Sheriff Baz was shockingly SHOT backstage by a mystery attacker!

AND - Ghostface destroyed a pissed off Mick Foley, and skanked a win from Bal Bowski while the building was in chaos!!





SCW Jinx: Retribution Aftermath!

"Ladies and gentlemen - episode 13 of Jinx is upon us! Welcome to the Showtime Arena once again, I'm Mick Foley, and alongside me is Red Dwarf's own - The Cat!"

The Cat: "OooooowwwwwwWWWwwWWwwWWWwwww......(!) I can't wait to find out what goes down tonight my man! Say, Mick - that's an awfully big bandage over your head...."

Foley: "Yep, well you know why that is. And I hope it never happens again. Anyways, we've been told to not be upset, and to put on a pretend happy tone, to entice you fans at home!"

* THEME TUNE - 'Before I Die' by Mushroomhead

Deputy Nevermore makes his way to the ring. He has a HUGE smile on his face, for no apparent reason. He takes the mic.

Nevermore: "I have a responsibilty tonight to help this company move forward. The boss ain't here, and the Sheriff ain't here. But the Deputy is....."

Nev puts a hand in his pocket, and takes out a shiny sheriff's badge.

"From this point on, I will be known as SHERIFF NEV!"

The fans seem kinda bemused about this.

"I've been thinking about this all week since the incident, and I feel that my first action as the SCW Sheriff is to take everyone's mind off what happened. We need to move on as a promotion, and evolve with the times. So, I am gonna make sure the fans, and the stars, have something to distract them from this tragedy.

"So, beginning next week, I am giving you fans - for the first time in Showtime City history.........





"A King Of The Deathmatch Tournament!!"

Foley: "Good God no!"

The Cat: "Holy shit, Foley!"

Sheriff Nev: "So, I went to the proper authorities, and next week is gonna be a very special week indeed........"

* THEME TUNE - 'No-One Knows' by Queens of the Stone Age*

The fans go nuts!

Foley: "Oh my - has business just picked up or what??!
















"It's MR.SHOWTIME!"

The boss walks to the ring. With a purpose. Sheriff Nev seems kinda disappointed at this turn of events, to say the least!

Showtime enters the squared circle, and you can see Nevermore saying, 'what are YOU doing here?! I've got everything under control - go away!'


Mr.Showtime: "First off, Nev - we are NOT having a King of the Deathmatch Tournament. So you can forget trying to KILL my superstars right now!"

Foley: "We haven't seen the boss since his match with FNS, when he got severely injured! But he looks really well now!"

Mr.Showtime: "You have NOT gone to the proper authorites Nev - around here, it's ME you should be asking. Next week will be a normal week here on Jinx..."

Sheriff Nev: "Ha, that's where you are WRONG, boss. I went to the BOARD of DIRECTORS, and after much persuasion, Condeets has okay'd a one-night extravaganza of fun already."

Mr.Showtime: "Okay'd a WHAT?! Condeets isn't even a real member of the board. Actually, while we're on the subject, he's not even a real Mod, either...."

Nevermore: "Next week, it's not gonna be no normal episode of Jinx. Next week, episode 14 will be.......




"Tormented Tuesday."

Crowd: "Ooooooohhhhhh!"

Mr.Showtime: "Great. Well I'm taking no responsibilty for that one. Anyway, I have a match to make for tonight. There have been rumours, and they are true. Last week at Retribution, the Tag Team Title match went to a non-finish. Therefore, it's only fair that Corino Punk and JBL Mark get another chance.

"Tonight, it will be Mark & Corino......vs. JaYo and Muzza....for the Tag Team Titles."

* THEME TUNE - 'No-One Knows' by Queens of the Stone Age*

Foley: "Well there you have it - the boss is back, large and in charge, and he's given us a Tag Team Title match here tonight!"

The Cat: "Yeah, but I'm more intrigued about this Tormented Tuesday! What the hell is THAT all about?"

Foley: "I don't know, but I don't have a good feeling about it, one bit. Also tonight, we will have a new undisputed No.1 contender for the Gimmick Title - Firework takes on Styles Clash! Also, Ki Crusher will be taking on.....well I hate to say it - the World Heavyweight Champion, Ghostface. I can't say much, but what happened last week was a total farce, and I hope he gets what's coming to him."





* BACKSTAGE *

Bal Bowski is shown entering the building. The fans are heard giving a huge pop. He looks beyond depressed. He has bags under his red looking eyes and is very pale.

Cat: "Look at him, a guy has nearly been killed and he's clearly still musing over his loss at the PPV. That's just plain selfish."

Foley (in serious tone): "I think he's upset BECAUSE a guy has nearly been killed, Cat."

He stumbles a bit as he heads towards the notice board to see who he's booked against. Backstage officials can be heard speculating whether he's been drinking or not.

The camera zooms in to the board:
-------------------------------
Ki Crusher vs Ghostface
Firework vs Styles Clash
'Big' Bal Bowski vs. Haraga
-------------------------------

Bal looks a bit pissed off, to say the least.

Bowski: "...Oh, great."





A young man, in his early twenties at the most, is seen walking backstage. He bumps into a tall, muscular looking man who has a face you could kick. Repeatedly.

Young Man: "Hi...I'm Chubbz! Do you work here?!"

Arrogant looking guy: "Damn right. I'm Sam Van 619, or SV6 as they like to call me. I've been on an SCW developmental contract for just a month and I've already been called up to the main roster. And you are...?"

Chubbz: "I'm looking for a job here."

SV6: "A job? Heh. You? Heh. Look at you, you're just a scrawny kid...I'm assuming you're wanting to be a wrestler...you even had any training?"

Chubbz: "Yeah! I was trained by Shimmer...he's had it hard since the WWE released him and he's taken to training street kids like myself for cash. He also does private lap dances, but that's another thing..."

SV6: "Aw, yeah I know..... - uhhhhh...does he? Wow. How the mighty have fallen. I was as shocked as the next person to find out he'd been having that affair with Linda McMahon.......the mental images.......anyway, you want a job? I'm probably the best person to talk to here. I'm really high up with the bosses here. They know I'm gonna be the next big thing. You don't look like you could go far. Maybe with my help, you can."

Chubbz: "What should I do?"

SV6: "What should you do...you should interrupt a match to let them know who you are."

Chubbz: "Umm...you sure that's a good idea?"

SV6: "Honestly, trust me. I have a job here, I know how to get one. Just do it. Make sure you let them know who you are too.....there must be one about to start right now - go on, go for it!"

Chubbz: "Well...OK..."

As Chubbz walks off SV6 smiles and looks satisfied.

SV6: "......What a tool."




No.1 contendership for Gimmick Title:
Firework vs Styles Clash

First out is Styles Clash! He poses on his way down to the ring and winks at a few female fans. He even goes up to one and chats her up a bit much to the annoyance of her boyfriend.

Foley: "Is he giving her his phone number?!?"

The Cat: "Umm...looks like it!"

He mouths "call me!" to her as he enters the ring and gives a smug grin to her boyfriend before winking.

Next out is Firework! The crowd gives an unusually large pop.

Foley: "This crowd have been on fire tonight!"

He mockingly goes up to female fans and jokingly chats them up. He even begs, then offers money to one girl to call him, totally mocking Styles Clash. The crowd chant "Firework!, Firework!" Despite the mocking Styles Clash doesn't lose his rag and just smugly grins and shakes his head.

Just then Chubbz comes out of the crowd and runs into the ring. He's wearing only his boxers and is carrying a sign which he displays in the middle of the ring reading "I'm Chubbz, please sign me!" The ref tries to catch him, but he nimbly dodges his grip. Styles Clash makes a half-hearted attempt to stop him, but he manages to run to every corner and shout "I'M CHUBBZ, I'D LIKE A JOB!" He then goes over to Styles Clash and pulls down his shorts, much to the delight of guest timekeeper Rob Feinstein. He gets a huge pop for this!

Security then come out. Styles Clash keeps his cool, pulls up his shorts and grabs Chubbz, who's looking pretty scared by now at the prospect of being taken away and kicked half to death by security. However, Firework runs into the ring and delivers a low blow to Styles Clash allowing Chubbz to escape from the ring and through the crowd!

Firework goes to work as the bell sounds, and pummels Clash in the corner of the ring. He whips him into the ropes and performs a nice running enziguri to the back of the head! A quick cover - Styles gets up at two. Firework climbs to the second rope, but Styles recovers quick and charges at Firework, and flips him over with a high-impact second rope Japanese arm-drag!

Styles Clash goes in for the attack quickly and gives a stiff looking kick to the face of Firework. The crowd let out a collective "Ohhhhh..." as do the announcers. Even the ref looks surprised at how stiff that kick was. Firework almost looks knocked out. Styles Clash poses a bit and then goes for the cover. 1...2...FIREWORK KICKS OUT!!!! Styles Clash looks a little surprised, but not particularly bothered.

Firework gets up, and we can see that his mouth is bleeding after that kick! But Styles Clash quickly goes in for the kill again and attempts the Cradle Piledriver, but Firework escapes it, hitting Styles with a back body-drop!! He then spits a little blood in the face of Styles Clash and runs to the corner - and hits an awesome moonsault......but Styles Clash catches him, and flips Firework into position for another Cradle Piledriver but Firework escapes it AGAIN! He crawls through Styles' legs, turns him round, kicks him in the bread-basket and hits Clash with a thunderous DDT!!

Styles Clash looks dazed. Firework goes for the cover...1....2...Styles Clash kicks out! Firework then spits out some more blood. He's shaking a bit, perhaps at the amount of blood he's got in his mouth. Styles Clash still gets up first though and signals - looks as if he's about to attempt the Cradle Piledriver again, but instead he stops and smiles, and goes for a new move. WHAMM!

The Cat: "What the heck is that?"

Foley: "It's a bit like a T-bone Suplex, but that was a hell of a lot more powerful - it's a Styles Slam!!"

Styles Clash then goes for the cover. 1..2...3!

Foley: "IT'S OVER! STYLES CLASH IS THE NEW NO.1 CONTENDER FOR THE GIMMICK TITLE!"

WINNER: Styles Clash

Styles Clash rolls out the ring and celebrates. Firework sits in the ring, and looks very disappointed. He wipes the blood from his face as the fans applaud his efforts.





* BACKSTAGE *

Niff is inside Mr.Showtime's office.

Niff: "Hi boss.....how are you?"

Showtime: "I'm fine, thank you. Now, I want to get this over with. I've brought you here to ask you something. I'm leaving the investigation to the experts, but this is really bugging me.

"I saw Retribution at home, and I saw that you were on the phone. Who was it, Niff?"

Niff: ".....I don't see why this is relev......"

Showtime: "JUST answer me, Niff. Baz got a threatening phone call before that, and I just want to know if you're involved - to help clear my mind."

Niff: "Ok, ok. Fair enough. I was on the phone.......to Oldschooler."

Foley: "What??!"

Niff: "....He had just finished his match, I asked him how it went, and he said not well. He was mad, and I offered to go see him to cheer him up. Simple as that really."

Mr.Showtime does not look convinced.

Showtime: "......(sighs) Ok. You can leave now."

Niff, confused, turns and walks out the room.






We see a corridor, and walking down it is JBL Mark.

Mark: "Where the hell is my dressing room? This stupid arena is so badly made, I......"

He turns a corner, and all of a sudden, has walked right into Muzza, JaYo, and CMA.

Mark: "......Alright lads?! I'm....just going to my locker-room."

CMA: "Good evening Mark. Why don't you take a trip into the Tartan Army locker-room instead?"

Mark: "You......you want me to do WHAT?"

Muzza: "Listen laddie, we listened to your comments at Retribution, about you being a Scot and all....and we were impressed with your ring skills....."

JaYo: "So we think we have an offer too good to refuse, pal.








"We want YOU, to join The Tartan Army."

JBL Mark looks stunned.

CMA: "We'll give you til the end of the show to think about it. Have a good evening, Marky-boy."

JaYo, CMA and Muzza walk off.

Foley: "The tag champs there with a huge offer for JBL Mark!"

The Cat: "Yeah, but what does this mean for the tag team title match later on??!"





* THEME TUNE - 'R U Ready' by Randy Savage *

Haraga vs Bal Bowski

Bal Bowski enters the arena, and the crowd cheer for him! He doesn't look too happy, but acknowledges the fans at least.

* THEME TUNE - 'I'm On My Way' by The Proclaimers *

Haraga, of The Tartan Army, rubs his hands with glee as he walks down the aisle.

Foley: "Last week at Retribution, Haraga and FNS had a war, and when it ended, Haraga ended FNS' undefeated streak on Pay-Per-View. It took a hell of a lot however, but Haraga managed it. FNS has been given the night off tonight, so he can heal from his many wounds."

Bowski looks like he doesn't want to be there - but Haraga wastes no time, and locks up with Bowski. Haraga hits Bal with a huge bodyslam!

The Cat: "What do you think are Bowski's title chances Mick, now that he lost that match with Ghosty last week?"

Foley: "I'd hardly call that a match, Cat. It was a cruel trick by that bastard of a champion, who used me to try and get to Bal. It was disgusting behaviour, and if Bowski doesn't get a PROPER shot at the title down the line, I'm gonna make an official complaint myself."

Haraga dominates most of the match, sometimes taking a few seconds to stop so he can shout out, "Ah'm gonnae KILL ye!!" as he taunts to the crowd.

About seven minutes in, Haraga throws Bowski out the ring, throws him into the steel steps, then drags him back in again. He places Bal on the canvas, in position for a moonsault!

Foley: "Haraga hit FNS with this last week - this is the damndest moonsault you'll ever see!......."

Haraga climbs up the turnbuckles, and launches himself! CRASH!! Bowski rolls out the way, and the Scot thunders into the mat!! Bowski then gets a second wind, and hits a Russian Legsweep!

The Cat: "Here we go, Foley - the first move of the Bowski World Tour combo!"

Bowski follows up the legsweep with a Latvian Legdrop, then an Irish whip, into a Samoan Drop, then locks on a Hawaiian Crush! He lifts up Haraga, while still in the hold - but Haraga reverses back into the corner, and Bowski gets crushed himself!

Haraga laughs out loud, and grabs Bowski for his trademark Scots Suplex - but as he attempts it, Bowski hooks a leg on the bottom rope to counter it! Bowski ducks under Haraga, holds onto his arm and twists him around - and WHAMM!! Bal-Breaker! Bal-Breaker! Just like that! Haraga crashes to the floor, Bowski covers him, hooks the leg, and Haraga fails to get up before three! Bowski sneaks it!

WINNER: 'Big' Bal Bowski

Foley: Wow - good match there, Bowski clearly didn't have concentration in that one, but Haraga completely over-estimated the situation! The burly Scot won't be happy with that, but Bowski's confidence will surely rise now, and he must still be in contention for a World title re-match!"




* BACKSTAGE *

The Gimmick Champion, Shake This, is seen in an office. He is lying comfortably over a cushioned sofa, with his title belt sitting on the top of the sofa. Infront of the sofa is a huge glass table, with bowls of exotic fruit and glasses of fine wine scattered all over. A goddess of a woman is sitting nimbly on Shake's lap, feeding him strawberries. A second beautiful young thing is leaning over the side, giving Shake a shoulder massage. A third and fourth female are dancing in the middle of the room behind the sofa.....and then we see, at the very back of the room, Shake's uncle - Shakin' Stevens - sitting on a high stool with his guitar, trying to play Jimi Hendrix's 'Fire'. Everyone in the room is smiling broadly.






* THEME TUNE - 'Complete Control' by The Clash *

Oldschooler's music hits, and he walks down that aisle and into the ring. He takes the house mic from Announcer Jim Carrey.

Oldschooler: "Last week at Retribution, I was unfairly cheated out of victory. However, I'm not one to moan about it. The World of Sport match was designed to prove that I would beat ExGenesys fair and square - and yet, he still managed to.......beat....me.

"However, now I see what I did wrong. I went completely the wrong way about things. ExGenesys, you may have beaten at me at my own game - but I'm an experienced man, and I've played a lot of games in my time. So, I want you to come down to this ring, and listen to what I have to say."

Foley: "The 'schooler is calling out ExGen! This could be very interesting indeed..."

* THEME TUNE - 'Bleed For Me' by Black Label Society *

The Cat: "Well.......here comes the dame, Foley!"

Foley: "......(groans)"

ExGenesys joins Oldschooler in the ring, and takes a second mic.

ExGenesys: "Before you say anything.....I just wanted to say that.....I thought we had a really good match last week. I enjoyed it. But not half as much as I enjoyed you going mental afterwards!! You're crazy, man!"

Oldschooler: "Whatever - I calmed down when I got backstage - some people are actually nice around here. Anyways - back to business. You are one up on me - but you cheated to beat me. That is showing a lack of RESPECT."

ExGenesys: "Look man, I was just trying to prove a point. You go spouting off about how I can't cheat to win that match - so of course that was what I was going to try and do. It was your own fault. BUT - if you want another match....fine. I'm not scared of you."

Oldschooler: "You're not scared huh? Well you will look forward to next week then. I hear that next week is Tormented Tuesday. Well ExGenesys, do I have a challenge for you. Last week at Retribution, we had a great technical match. However, I now feel that I went to the wrong extreme. So I am going to pick a match that will make you want to chew your own neck off after I beat you.

"I am going to find Nevermore right now - and confirm it. So, you accept my challenge?"

ExGenesys: "You're not going to tell me what it is?"

Oldschooler: "....You'll find out in due course."

ExGenesys: "............Fair enough then. You're on!"

The fans cheer for ExGen!!

Oldschooler: "Good. I'll see you next week, ExGenesys."

* THEME TUNE - 'Complete Control' by The Clash *

Oldschooler drops the mic, walks past ExGenesys, and leaves the ring. ExGen stares at him the whole time.

Foley: "Wow! ExGen accepts a second Oldschooler challenge! ExGen beat him in a World of Sport match last week - but this time, Oldy says he's going to the OTHER extreme? What could that mean?"

The Cat: "I'm not sure dude - but with this Tormented Tuesday coming up next week - if I was ExGen, I would have politely declined!"





* BACKSTAGE *

Bal Bowski is packing up, ready to leave the arena. He looks shattered. He gets a phone call.

Bowski: "...Hello? ..... Oh, hi Mikey. How are you doing? ..... Yeah. Devastated ..... Yeah sure ...... I'd be happy to ..... Course it's ok! ..... No probs - we're still mates. I'll see you soon. ..... Ok, see ya then."



* THEME TUNE - 'Somebody Told Me' by The Killers *

SCW World Tag Team Championship
JaYo & Muzza vs. Mark & Corino
w/ CMA

JBL Mark and Corino Punk make their way down to the ring. Corino Punk seems blissfully unaware of his partner's exchange of words with JaYo and Muzza earlier on. Mark keeps looking at Corino in a strange fashion - as though he's trying to fugure him out, or decide why he's teaming with him in the first place.

* THEME TUNE - 'I'm On My Way' by The Proclaimers *

The SCW World Tag Team Champions, JaYo and Muzza, wander down to the ring, accompanied by their manager, CMA! They look fairly confident, and CMA has a smug grin.

The Cat: "Do you think CMA had anything to do with what happened last wee......"

Foley: "Shhhhh!! We're not allowed to really talk about it, remember?! We're just gonna have to let the authorities deal with it - I'm sure all relevant parties will be interviewed about it. Anyways, back to this match - JaYo and Muzza look a bit TOO confident. I don't think these guys realise that Mark & Corino are a good team. They didn't really get the chance to show it last week, but I've seen them train. They are tough.

The Cat: "Yeah, but Mick, let's get serious here - if a Scotsman gets an invite to join the Tartan Army, he ain't gonna say no. It's pure fact. The greasy kilt-munchers can't help but be all patriotic, no matter how blind it makes them."

JaYo and Muzza look at JBL Mark, and you can even see Muzza wink at him. JBL Mark nods cautiously, as Corino goes to his corner.

Mark and JaYo start off - and in a contrast from last week, we see technical wrestling instead of rough-house tactics!

The Cat: "See - look at this! Mark ain't even trying to hit him - this technical stuff won't do much damage at all!"

JaYo knocks down Mark with a hip-toss, and Mark tags in Corino.

Corino seems kinda hacked off that Mark didn't attempt to destroy JaYo, but takes the tag anyway. JaYo then tags Muzza, and Muzza and Corino get it on.

As the minutes tick by, JaYo, Muzza and CMA get noticeably annoyed! It's like they are waiting for something to happen. But JBL Mark trudges on, but never attacks hard when he is in. Meanwhile, Corino is going all out when he is in, and this just upsets the Army even more!

The Army begin to isolate Corino Punk, and do some sneaky double-team moves as CMA distracts the ref. Then - JBL Mark tries to enter, but the ref stops him. JaYo smiles at Mark, as he finally realises Mark is helping him! Mark keeps the ref at bay for a long time arguing, as JaYo, Muzza AND CMA kick the crap out of Corino Punk!

CMA heads back outside as the fans boo these heinous actions! He grabs one of the world tag title belts, and slides it into the ring. JaYo and Muzza whip Corino off the ropes, and hit him with a double-shoulder block! The ref turns around finally, and sees the tag title belt. He goes over to it as the Army whip Corino again - this time Corino ducks a double clothesline, and clatters into the referee!

The Cat: "The ref's down! I believe this is the part where the plan comes into effect!"

JaYo and Muzza pick up Corino - and signal over to Mark! JBL Mark grins, and cockily walks into the ring from the apron. Muzza holds up Corino Punk from behind by the arms, and JaYo hands over the title belt to JBL Mark!

Foley: "This is damn despicable! I cannot believe this at all! A title's on the line dammit!"

JaYo stands back as JBL Mark takes a couple of steps back. He has an angry look on his face now, as he stares down a prone Corino. Corino stares back, and can't believe what he's seeing!

JBL Mark raises the belt, charges at Corino - quickly turns - and SMACK! He crushes the belt into JaYo's face!!

The Cat: "What the HELL??!"

Corino Punk lifts a leg back, and mule kicks' Muzza in the nuts!! Corino pushes Muzza towards Mark, and he plants Muzza with a belt shot too! Corino Punk covers Muzza, and hooks the leg! the referee stirs, and JBL Mark hits a baseball slide to CMA on the outside! The referee crawls over - and he counts one.....JaYo has rolled out the ring, his face in agony!......two.......three!!! New champs! New champs!!

WINNERS and NEW World Tag Team Champions: Mark & Corino!

Foley: "I don't believe it! I can't believe it! The Tartan Army has been out-smarted by Mark and Corino! We have a huge upset here, and by God NEW tag team champions here in Showtime City Wrestling!"

Mark and Corino slide out the ring, and grab the title belts. At the bottom of the ramp, they hug, and raise the title belts to the sky!! JaYo crawls back into the ring, and he and Muzza, holding their aching heads, look on in pure anger as the NEW tag champs, Mark & Corino, walk away with the gold!





* BACKSTAGE *

We see the area to the side of the stage, just behind the curtains. The area is quite clear, except for one thing. A huge, HUGE cake, sitting on a wheeled device.


Foley: "Well tonight we've seen the tag titles change hands, and we can announce that in a few weeks' time, those titles will most likely be defended at our fifth Pay-Per-View - Deception!"

The Cat: "I can't wait for that Mick - but it's gonna take a lot to top Retribution - the Double or Nothing match and the World of Sport match are already possible match of the year contenders!"

Foley: "You damn right there Cat - you weren't looking forward to the WoS match - but Oldy and ExGen changed your mind by showing you what real wrestling is like! Let's hope they can raise the bar next week......"

The lights go out. Then we hear the beginning of a theme tune.....












# I AM LARSSON - HEAR ME RRRRRRRRRRROARRRRRR!!!! #

The Cat: "Holy cat-naps! Look who it is!"

Foley: "Wow - an unexpected appearance by the TWCW Real World's Champion - Larsson!!"

The fans go nuts as Larsson appears through the side curtains - and he is dragging that huge cake behind him, using a rope! The cake is dragged to the ring, and left just next to it. Larsson then slides into the squared circle, and looks around at the 50,000 capacity crowd and smiles!

Larsson: "LOOK at all the people here toniiiiiiight!!!"

The crowd go mental!

"....You may all be wondering two things. One - why I am here. And two - what that birthday cake is doing here."

The Cat: "I didn't know it was your birthday Mick!"

Foley: "....It's not!"

The Cat: "Well, only you could eat a cake that big..."



Larsson: "Well, these questions go hand-in-hand. You see, tomorrow is my birthday."

The fans cheer for Larsson!

"But, more importantly that that - tomorrow is also the birthday of Sheriff Baz. I was gonna come out here and surprise him, but alas, he cannot make it because of a tragic accident. However, I decided to come here anyway, so we could all celebrate......."

Larsson stops talking. He is staring at a section of the crowd - near the front, only a few rows back.

"Oh........my.......God. Well looky-here! (he begins pointing at the section of the crowd) I cannot believe you guys are even allowed in here!! Hey - (he points at a cameraman) get a shot of them! Go on - look who it is!"

The cameraman pans to the crowd and zooms in - in the frame are none other than members of TWCW! The crowd see them on the big screen, and immediately begin booing!

Larsson: "Ladies and gentlemen - let me introduce to you - Corkers, Tony Pivot, and the man who plays Eric Baschoff, AVM!!"

After a few seconds, you can begin to hear the crowd chant,
"WHO ARE YA?! WHO ARE YA?! WHO ARE YA?!"

"Don't look embarrassed guys - at least you're back on television!"

AVM, Corkers and Pivot look very embarrassed indeed.

"It must have taken you hours to get in here - did you notice the queues outside before the show? Those extra thousands of people used to watch - and love - your show. But since the TWCW winter break has extended into super-extra-overtime, they've decided to come watch SCW instead.

"And hey - don't get me wrong - I don't wanna bring you down at all. I'm just stating some facts here. Your stars are jumping ship almost as quick as your fans are - and I can tell you right now exactly why that is.

"Here in Showtime City Wrestling, last month, the owner Mr.Showtime got severely injured, and had to spend a LONG time in hospital. Last week, my good buddy Sheriff Baz got SHOT, for God's sake. And yet, do you see SCW Jinx get postponed? For even a DAY? NO!!! The show must go on, as they say.

"You, AVM, on the other hand, have girl troubles, and your show - I forget the name - stops dead in it's tracks. It shows a lack of enthusiasm, a lack of initiative, and a lack of dedication. THAT is why SCW has to turn away a couple of thousand people from the arena each week.

The fans begin chanting "Larsson! Larsson! Larsson!"

".......Still. We are here to celebrate, and celebrate we will. Now guys, I REALLY don't mean to humiliate you, and I want to bury the hatchet. My little rant there was meant to help you buck up your ideas, and I hope they do. So, I want you three to come over that barricade, and I will shake your hands.

AVM, Corkers and Pivot don't look impressed.

"Listen, to show that I won't try to beat the crap out of you all, I will leave the ring and meet you ringside. Then you can help me blow out the candles on the cake! Come on - I don't hate you as PEOPLE, and I want to shake your hands. It would mean a lot to me."

The three TWCW guys reluctantly begin to walk towards the barricade. Tony Pivot walks in front, and the three climb over, and stand next to the massive cake. Larsson leaves the ring, and meets them. He extends a hand, and AVM shakes it first. He urges the other two to do so, and VERY reluctantly, they do. Larsson smiles broadly. He then turns to the cake.

"Now everyone, let's sing Happy Birthday for Sheriff Baz!!!"

Everyone in the arena joins in!

# Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Sher-iff-Baaaaaaz,
Happy Birthday tooooooo yoooooooou! #

Larsson: "Now guys, let's blow out the candles! Three - two - one - NOW!"

The three TWCW guys lean against the cake, to reach the candles. As soon as they do, Larsson stands back, and the cake rips itself open!










Foley: "ARGH! Holy crap - there's a HORSE in there!!

"That must be STEVE!!"

A frickin' big huge horse blasts itself outside the cake, and immediately begins trampling all over Tony Pivot! Corkers runs up the ramp and gets the hell outta the way! And AVM just stands there in pure shock! Some of the candles fall to the floor, and Larsson begins to pick some of them up. AVM turns to face Larsson - and the TWCW Champ holds up one of the candles in one hand, and the mic in the other.

Larsson: "I wouldn't stay standing there for much longer - or I'm going to find a very inventive place to put these candles!"

AVM charges up the ramp, with Larsson in hot pursuit! The fans are going crazy as the horse finishes stomping all over Pivot! Larsson stops at the top of the ramp and lets AVM get away. Steve the horse joins Larsson at the entrance, and Larsson salutes the SCW fans as he climbs aboard his favourite mode of transport, and gallops off through the curtains!

Foley: "....I really have seen everything in wrestling now, Cat...."







* BACKSTAGE *

Mr. Showtime is in his office. He is browsing though papers on his desk, and like many people looks very strained. He puts his head in his hands - just then there's a knock on his door. He sighs. He remains frozen for a while, but then the knocking gets louder. He sighs.

Showtime: "Yeah, I'm here, come in, I'm here...come in..."

A middle aged man enters the office. He looks arrogant, and very sure of himself.

Man: "You the boss? Showtime?"

Showtime: "The door says Mr. Showtime. Take a wild guess."

Man: "Sorry...I-"

Showtime (angrily) : "No - take a guess! You interrupt me - I'm VERY busy - and you don't have the common courtesy to accept my invitation to take a guess at who I am?"

Man: "........Mr. Showtime?"

Showtime: "Hoo-fucking-rah. Don't you even research your clients? Even I know you're the bloody police detective! I'm having a bloody stressful day - you'd better have a good reason for this, you've done bugger al......."

Detective: ".....We've found the gun."

Showtime, in a flash, sits up straight. He looks stunned. He slowly nods his head as the scene fades to black.






Non-title match
Ghostface vs Ki Crusher

Ki Crusher - the first Gimmick Champion - is already in the ring. (The Larsson segment went over, you see - so no harm in cutting out 'Post-Whore 2004's' entrance....)

* THEME TUNE - 'Weenie Beenie' by Foo Fightes *

The jeers are completely deafening as the current, reigning, defending, first, and only SCW World Heavyweight Champion, Ghostface, lifts the curtain. He looks at the 50,000 people in attendance, and decides that is a bad idea. He looks down at the ground the rest of the way to the ring.

Ghostface enters the ring, and lifts up his World Title for the world to see. The fans chant 'Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!

The referee rings the bell, and Ki Crusher and Ghostface lock-up. Ki Crusher tries a few nifty counters and holds, but Ghosty doesn't seem fazed.

Foley: "These two do have a history - they met in the first ever Gimmick Title match, which was a first ever Inferno Ladder match to boot. That match helped put SCW on the map. But things change. Ghostface has changed ever since he realised Bal Bowski was right on his tail. He's turned into a crazed, but pathetic, man, who'll do anything to keep that title. And that included beating the hell outta me......well NO-ONE BEATS THE HELL OUTTA ME and gets AWAY WITH IT!!"

The Cat: "CHILL! Chill! Calm down Foley!! Listen - I know he's made you pissed, but I know you man. And I know you like to be professional about things. You got a job to do Mick, and you hate not getting a job done. So let's get this out the way, and you can worry about that another time."

Ghostface begins to take control of Ki Crusher, and hits a series of brain-busters, followed by a Full Nelson slam.

Foley: "You're right Cat. For once. I apologise people. Let's just watch the match, and call the match - and hope Crusher gets something outta this one."

Ki Crusher is hurting - he holds the back of his head as he gets up - and Ghostface charges Ki into the corner. Ghostface then hits several vicious punches to the forehead of Ki Crusher. He's showing no remorse!

He drags Ki to the ropes - Irish whip, and goes for a back body-drop - Ki Crusher lands on his feet, trips up the champ, and locks in the Ki Lock!

The Cat: "The Ki-Lock submission! He could get something outta this!"

Foley: "Come on Ki - make the champ tap! Make him tap!"

Ghostface has a panicked look all of a sudden! He scrapes and wriggles and stretches to try reach the ropes, but he's right in the centre of the ring!

Foley: "Come on Crusher - make that bitch tap like a drunk man!!"

Ghostface continues to wriggle - and raises a hand! He's gonna tap! He shakes the hand in the air - he then grabs his head - he's gonna have to tap soon! Ghosty then places the hand onto the mat, and pushes himself up onto one foot. Ki tries to keep the hold on! Ghosty is screaming out - he then pushes Ki Crusher!

Ki releases the hold, falls back onto the ropes, springs back, and WHAMM!! He falls right into The Seance! The Seance by Ghostface!

Foley: "Dammit!"

A shocked and pained Ghostface falls on top of Ki Crusher, and the referee is there to count three!

WINNER: Ghostface

The fans are pissed off with the result big-time! Ki Crusher rolls out the ring. Ghostface takes a few seconds to sit on the canvas, and make sure he hasn't broken anything. He then looks around at all the fans, and signals to the announcer.

The World Champ grabs a mic, then stands up.

Ghostface: "Listen everyone - LISTEN! This is important!"

The fans continue to jeer the champ.

"I know we were told not to mention the Retribution incident tonight, but I can't keep this inside me any longer.

"I have to get this off my chest before I collapse.

"I KNOW who shot the Sheriff!!"

Foley: "Aw come on!!! Hasn't he done enough damage??!"





"The person who shot the Sheriff was.........















"MIKEY RICHARDS!!"

The fans boo Ghosty out the building. Again.

"I saw it with my own two eyes - I saw it! Really I did! I know......"

* THEME TUNE - 'No One Knows' by Queens of the Stone Age *

Mr.Showtime walks onto the stage. He looks disgusted.

Showtime: "You shut your mouth right now, you idiot! There is an investigation of high importance going on, and you can't go around shouting any old thing infront of 50,000 people! You cock!"

Ghostface: "But listen, I...."

Showtime: "No - listen HERE! There were rules made today, and you've broken them. So I am going to PUNISH you, champ.....

* THEME TUNE - 'Before I Die' by Mushroomhead *

Here comes Sheriff Nev!

Nevermore: "Whoa, boss, hold on! Before you say or do something rash, I think you may want to hear this.

"You mention punishment....well next week is Tormented Tuesday, and I have just talked to a certain superstar who is after revenge. And we've decided on a match for Tormented Tuesday next week.

"My dear friend Oldschooler has challenged ExGenesys........









"To a Dog-Collar match!!!"

Foley: "Holy hell that's a HUGE match!!"

The Cat: "I HATE dogs!!"

Foley: "I have a feeling next week is gonna be a show of EPIC proportions Cat...."

The Cat: "What makes you say that?"

Foley: "You'll find out in a minute....."


Nevermore smiles at Showtime, and turns to leave the stage. Showtime looks back at Ghostface in the ring, and he is beginning to leave the ring.

Showtime: "Hold on right there Ghostface - I ain't DONE with you yet!"

Nevermore hears this, and stays to see what transpires.

Showtime: "It's real funny, because I'm not a fan of this Tormented Tuesday, but funnily enough, ANOTHER superstar came to see ME earlier, about a possible match next week.

"And Ghosty, if I want to punish you, I shall, and there's nothing you can do about it.

"Next week, on Jinx, at Tormented Tuesday, our World Heavyweight Champion, Ghostface, will be taking part in a STREETFIGHT.......


The Cat: "Wow........(!)......"


























Showtime: "..............with CACTUS JACK!!!!



The Cat turns to face Mick Foley. Foley looks on, and nods. The fans go ballistic. The show ends.

Quote:

 

Last week on Jinx:

SCW owner Mr.Showtime returned, and immediately took control once again, much to Nevermore's chagrin.

JBL Mark and Corino Punk shocked the Tartan Army, and walked off with the Tag Titles!

Police officers spent the week searching the building, and have finally found a gun which may have been used to take out Sheriff Baz!

And, World Champion Ghostface was punished in the most brutal way possible for accusing Mikey Richards of being the culprit - Mr.Showtime forced him to take on the legendary CACTUS JACK, tonight, in a Streetfight!!




Showtime City Wrestling presents a special edition of SCW Jinx:

TORMENTED TUESDAY!!!

The Cat: "OOOOWWWWWWWW!!! Good evening and welcome! We are LIVE once again in the Showtime Arena in Showtime City, for a stipulation-loaded event - Tormented Tuesday! Six matches, and plenty of blood guaranteed!

"I am Red Dwarf legend The Cat, and right off the bat, I can tell you that Mick Foley will not be on commentary tonight. The main event is Ghostface, against Cactus Jack in a Streetfight, the biggest Jinx main event, perhaps in history! We don't have a replacement, so you monkeys get to hear my beautiful vioce ALLLLLL night long - oowwwwww!!!......"

* THEME TUNE - 'Coronation Street Theme' *

The Cat: "Urrggghh!! What the hell is that rubbish??!"























"ASHLEYYYYYY!!"

Fred Elliott: "Oh, hello Cat. Have ya seen Ashley? I tell ya, he can't go off like that - ah'm not best pleased I SAY AH'M NOT BEST PLEASED!!"

The Cat: "Urrghhhhh.....Freddy, I think they've brought you out here to help me tonight. Unfortunately."

Fred: "Ah, right. Oh well, Ashley can get his dinner later on."

The Cat: "Tonight is Tormented Tuesday - which will see lots of blood, guts, and blood. Any thoughts Fred?"

Fred: "Ah, well, I'm partial to a bit of crimson myself - you can just call me t'Butcher of Weatherfield."




* THEME TUNE - 'I'm On My Way' by The Proclaimers *

Muzza comes out to a mixed reaction. He's wearing a kilt and throws it into the crowd when he reaches the ring.

The Cat: "Ooooooow! He's not a true Scotsman!"

Fans Bring The Weapons Match
Muzza vs FNS

FNS then comes out to a huge pop. The fans chant "FNS...FNS..." but then a "Muzza...Muzza" chant starts, but the FNS fans try to counter this with a "Drunken Army!" chant. Muzza doesn't seem to care and takes it as a complement!

In the crowd, we see a shot of The Dark Vampire, sucking on the blood of the girl sitting next to him. No-one around seems to be bothered.

The ref rings the bell. Muzza immediately gives a low blow to FNS and tosses him out of the ring. He goes to the front row and gets...A ROLLED UP NEWSPAPER! He climbs up to the apron and hits FNS with the newspaper as he jumps from it! A jokey "HOLY SHIT!" chant breaks out! FNS incredibly recovers and grabs a RUBBER CHICKEN(!) from a fan.

The Cat: "Why the hell would you bring that to a wrestling match?"

He slaps Muzza across the chest with it and it's actually pretty loud! The fans give out a genuine "OOOOOOHHHH!" for that one. FNS BATTERS Muzza with the Chicken!

The Cat: "Who'd have thought a rubber chicken could cause so much pain?!?"

Muzza then pulls at the chicken - and it pings back in FNS' eye!

Cat: "Painful stuff! This is possibly the most brutal match I've ever seen!"

He goes back into the crowd and pulls out a pair of scissors!

Muzza: "Sid Vicious, this ones for you!"

Muzza chases FNS with the scissors, as FNS is seen trying not to laugh at these unfortunate circumstances....

(SCW disclaimer: SCW does not condone running with scissors and would like to remind fans that it is a dangerous and stupid idea that can result in loss of an eye, accidental stabbings and/or death. No matter whoever you are, whatever you do, Please don't try this at home.)

Muzza then spots his kilt in the crowd and grabs his sporran. He whacks FNS with its chain and then rolls FNS into the ring. He starts beating FNS down with the sporran, but then - from out of nowhere - FNS throws some salt into the eyes of Muzza!

A "Mr. Fuji" chant breaks out! Muzza is completely blinded! He throws some punches at nothing in particular, but FNS simply avoids then, sneaks up on Muzza, and then hits the Tilt-A-Squirrel Backbreaker!

1...2...3! FNS wins it!

WINNER: FNS



* BACKSTAGE *

Entering the building are Sabinite and Mikey Richards. The fans don't quite know what to make of them. Sabinite looks kinda angry, while Mikey seems reluctant about something.

Sabinite: "Come on honey - we have to do this!"

Mikey: "I'm sorry Sab, but I just can't! I don't think I can look any of the guys in the eyes! They all think I did this...."

Sabinite: "No, they didn't....!"

Mikey: "Yes they DO!!! They think...."

Sabinite: "DON'T say it, Mikey!"

Mikey: "......Everyone thinks that I shot the Sheriff. There, I said it."

Sabinite: "But you didn't! I KNOW you didn't!"

Mikey: "....(sighs)....I know that too. But I just don't want to face any of them."

Sabinite: "Look - we'll go see Nevermore, and sort thi...."

Mikey: "NO! No way! I do NOT want to see HIM!! You got that??! Anyone but HIM!!"

Sabinite:"OKAY! Okay Mikey! Calm down. Whatever you say. Okay then - remember, we talked to Bal Bowski last week - he's behind us. We'll go see him."

Mikey: "..........Ok, if we must. I suppose so....."

Sabinite: "(under breath)...jeez, you really need to calm down...."

Mikey: "What. What did you just say? ....WHAT DID YOU SAY!! Calm DOWN??! CALM.....DOWN??!! Sab, look at me! I'm a wreck! I got accused to trying to KILL someone last week! What the hell do you expect??!"

Mikey Richards walks ahead.

Sabinite: "(to herself).........man, he's changed....."

Sabinite sighs, and goes to catch up on Mikey.



* THEME TUNE - 'No-One Knows' by Queens of the Stone Age *

Mr.Showtime makes his way to the ring. His walk style is looking more and more like Mr.McMahon's every day. He enters the ring, and takes the mic.

Showtime: "Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time, for Mr.Showtime's Steel Chair Challenge!!"

The fans pop loud!

* THEME TUNE - 'I'm On My Way' by The Proclaimers *

JaYo, Haraga and CMA walk down to the ring. The former tag team champions and their manager greet the boss as they enter.

Showtime: "Now, this steel chair challenge is a one-on-one affair, and I have decided to give the winner of this challenge a special....opportunity. An opportunity which I will reveal later on.

"Now, the competitors. First, in the ring - this is JAAAAAAYOOOO!!!!"

JaYo looks pumped up, and smiles. The crowd give a mixed reception.

Showtime: "And now, your opponent. I hope you've layed off the Burns' Supper until later sonny - because your opponent iiiisssss........"

JaYo, Haraga and CMA watch the curtains with curiousity.

"Your opponent iiisssss......"




"HARAGA!!!"

JaYo and Haraga turn to face each other, their faces blank.

The Cat: "What the HELL??!"

Fred Elliott: "They won't like that, ah say they won't like that, I tell ya."

The Army begin pestering the boss, but he waves them off.

Showtime: "Come on lads - don't complain. This is your type of challenge - to see which of you Scots are the toughest. Who can take the most PAIN!! After all, this IS Tormented Tuesday."

Mr.Showtime's Steel Chair Challenge
JaYo vs Haraga

JaYo and Haraga stare at each other again. Now, they look like they wanna compete.

JaYo: "Ah well - no harm in a little friendly competition, is there?"

Haraga: "Not at all - JaYo, you know this is just business!"

Showtime: "Alright! Now - the rules. Each of you will take turns to try knock down your opponent using a steel chair. You can use the chair anyway you want, but you must not hit your opponent with anything other than the chair. If someone gets busted open, we will comtinue until someone is on their back, or someone gives up."

JaYo: "You know FINE we ain't giving up man!!"

Showtime: "CMA - get the chairs!!"

CMA rolls out the ring and takes two steel chairs back in with him.

Showtime: "Now - who wants to go first?"

Haraga: "HOLD ON!!! .....JaYo......YOU can go first. I need you to hit me first, so I can get pumped up!"

JaYo: "Ooooh, big mistake, laddie!"

JaYo takes a chair. He sizes it up, and swings it around to get the feel of it. He aims at Haraga's head. Haraga tenses up, closes his eyes, and looks down.

JaYo swings the chair behind his head, swings forwards - and BANG!!! Like a baseball bat - the chair crashes into the side of Haraga's face!! Haraga is forced to stumble a few feet across the ring, but keeps his balance!!

Showtime: "Haraga - your turn."

CMA hands the second chair to Haraga. He takes a few seconds to shake off the chair shot first. He feels his cheek, looks at JaYo, and begins laughing. JaYo screams out, 'hurry up, ya poof!'

Haraga hears this, grabs the chair, raises it above his head, and BAMMMM!! Right down on top of JaYo's forehead!! JaYo falls down to one knee, but quickly regains his footing! He holds the top of his forehead in agony and screams out, 'you BASTARD!!' Blood seeps out from his hair, and begins to pour down past his eyes, and down his nose, until he can taste it!

JaYo grabs his chair back from CMA, and as Haraga continues laughing, he fails to notice JaYo swinging the chair back! CRACK!! The top of the chair hangs off as it smacks Haraga - in the same side of the face as the first shot! Haraga screams out now too, and also goes down to one knee! He stays there for a second or two, and holds his face - there is a cut under his eye, and blood begins to drip down his cheek.

Haraga slowly stands up. He is shaking, but takes the chair again. He raises it above his head once more, but as he swings, he changes direction, and cracks JaYo right in the arm!!

The Cat: "Oww! He hit him in the arm - that's nasty!!"

Fred Elliott: "I'll tell you what that is for nowt, ah say for nowt ah will - that's tactics!"

JaYo holds his arm, and grimaces. Haraga looks kinda mad - but it's JaYo's turns now. He takes the chair, and begins to swing back, but his arm is in too much pain! He can't even bend his elbow! He tries to connect with Haraga, but just scrapes him, and the chair drops to the ground.

Showtime: "Sorry J - it's Haraga's turn again."

JaYo looks distraught, as his mate and fellow Army member grabs his chair. He opens it up slightly so there is a space in the middle. JaYo just stands there.

Haraga: "I never thought I'd say this to ye pal - but ah'm GONNAE KILL YE!!"

"ARRGHHHH!!" Haraga swings the chair, and KER-ACKKK! The chair is smashed right down into JaYo's skull - the chair wraps around the forehead, and one of the legs flies off!

JaYo stands there for about six seconds, before falling backwards, and crashing to the mat.

Showtime: "We have a god-damn bloody winner!"

WINNER: Haraga

CMA just stands there for a bit, completely puzzled, then realises he should help them. The fans in the crowd can't believe the simple but effective brutality, caused by friends no less! Haraga has a little chuckle to himself, and goes to help up JaYo with CMA.

Showtime: "Okay Haraga - I have a gift for you. However, I will tell you what that is, when the time is right."

Haraga: "Aye - well it better be bloody good after all that. I shoulda beaten Bal Bowski last week an' all, he's a loser and you know it boss!"

Showtime: "Don't worry, don't worry - it will all be sorted out soon, my boy. Well done."




* BACKSTAGE *

Chubbz is walking about backstage. He sees the chap he talked to last week, Sam Van. He runs up to him, like a silly child.

SV6: "How the hell did you get backstage 2 weeks in a row?"

Chubbz: "Not important, you nearly got me arrested last week!"

SV6: "But you got the attention you wanted though, right?"

Chubbz: "Whoah...you weren't listening...I NEARLY GOT ARRESTED! I could be in jail right now!"

SV6: "Oh no...I'm sorry. But hey, Showtime would've bailed you out!"

Chubbz: "MR. Showtime?

SV6: "The one and only. I'm a personal friend of his and I can tell you, all he was doing after Jinx last week was raving on about you and your marketability! He even forgot about the shooting because of you! The police came to see him about the gun and he struck up a casual conversation with them about YOU!"

Chubbz: "Really?!?"

SV6: "Well, yeah! Would I lie to a mate?"

Chubbz: "A mate? I hardly know you!"

SV6: "And I still think you're great! I'm rooting for you to get a job, kid, you deserve it. Anyway, seeing I'm such good pals with the bosss, I reckon I know a way to impress him even further"

Chubbz: "Oh yeah? What?!?"

SV6: "Go and talk to Mr.Showtime! He's already seen you in action - he's raving about you - so, take advantage! Introduce yourself to him! His office is just down the hall there, to the left."

Chubbz: "OK! Thanks SO much! I'm there! Holy heck, I'm gonna be a wrestler!"

SV6: "Heh-heh...yeah...well, I'm gonna get changed now so you'd better go."

Chubbz: "Oh, it's OK. I've seen it all before. I've got nothing you don't. Well, it's probably twice as big, but you know..."

SV6: "WHAT? Go away! .........look, you're a smart guy. And a mate. If Showtime sees you as using initiative...well...I think you can guess how great you'd be to him then..."

Chubbz: "Heyyyy...you're right! Thanks! You're such a great guy...I'm gonna give you so much in return! Hey maybe we could be a Tag Team when I'm signed!"

SV6: "Heh. Maybe."

Chubbz walks off, waving.

SV6: "What a tool..."



JBL Mark is standing in the ring, with Corino Punk. Also in the ring is The Genius. They look confused. All of a sudden, Nevermore, or Sheriff Nev to me and you, appears on the ShowReel big screen.

Sheriff Nev: "I am Sheriff Nev. The best, and only, Sheriff in town! And tonight we know that JBL Mark, one half of the tag champions, faces the Genius. But, there is yet to be a stipulation added - until now!

"For one night only, I am bringing back the memory of a deceased wrestling promotion! That's right......."

The fans begin chanting, 'E-C-Dub! E-C-Dub!'

"......No you fools! Not tonight! Tonight - it is Mark vs the Genius. And it will be fought.......


".....under WCW rules!!!"

The fans are puzzled.

The Cat: "WCW rules?? What the hell is that??!"

Nevermore: "Basically, folks, this is your standard match - but with a few exceptions! Namely, the rules can change at anytime, they can be as non-sensical as we wish, there could be some non-sensical run-ins.....(as he talks, some workers quickly construct a small ramp which connects to the side of the ring)....the ending won't make sense either, and basically - whoever's booking this match for us backstage will run-in and declare themselves the winner. Have fun, people!"

WCW rules
JBL Mark w/ Corino Punk vs The Genius

JBL Mark and Corino Punk look at each other - and charge at The Genius! They attack him in the corner, and then JBL Mark goes to the apron and stands there.

The Cat: "Hey! Since when did this turn into a handicap tag match??!"

Fred: "Since the rules were announced?"

Corino Punk attacks Genius, and hits a nice dropkick. The fans are booing. JBL Mark says, 'ah f*ck it' to himself, and re-enters the ring. They double-team The Genius! They hit a great-looking double flapjack, and they seem to have everything in control......

All of a sudden, some men begin charging into the ring from the crowd! About four three men enter, and start attacking the new tag champs!

The Cat: "Who the hell are THEY??! They look like some 90's rejects!"

Fred: "That's because they are, son. Although, I thought one of them had passed on...."

The attackers beat the hell out of Corino and Punk, then stop to look at the crowd. Oh my God - it's Robbie V, Terra Ryzing, and The Guardian Angel!!!

This is surreal. Then, a fourth figure enters from the crowd. With a singapore cane.

Fred: "AH!! It's t'legendary man himself - HARDCORE HAK!!"

The fans mark out like crazy as Hardcore Hak enters the ring, and plants JBL Mark with a cane shot to the head! The blood almost immediately spurts out, as Robbie V grabs The Genius, and pulls him over Corino Punk - who wasn't even in the match - and the referee counts to three!

WINNER: (We think) The Genius

The four men quickly leave the ring, and re-enter the crowd!

The Cat: What THE HELL just HAPPENED??!"






* BACKSTAGE *

Bal Bowski is sitting in his locker-room. Mikey & Sabinite walk in.

Mikey: "Hello Bal. Erm, I don't believe you've met my girlfriend yet - this is Sabinite."

Sab and Bal stare at each other. There is instant attraction. Mikey is biting his nails and staring at the ceiling while this happens.

Sabinite: "Hel.....hello....Bal!"

Bowski: "Well hello Sabinite. Nice name. I hope you're....ahem, looking after Mikey."

Sabinite: "Well yeah - someone has to..."

Mikey: "Sab!! Look, Bal, I'm glad I got hold of you last week. This Baz thing has left me devastated, and I know it's left you that way too - which is why I'd like you to, you know, look after me for a while. True, I'm still in a team with The Genius, but only you know how I feel. I count Baz as a friend, and I nearly lost him for good. You lost your chance of winning the World Title when Ghostface duped you...."

Bowski: "Don't worry about that just now, Mike. I'll get a proper chance soon, just you watch. As for you......of course. I will watch your back. And.....Sabinites' back......"

Mikey: "Good. I'm so glad to hear it. Thank you."

Sabinite stares at Bowski while she stands behind Mikey. Bal stares back.




In the ring is Al J. Watson. He is accompanied by Shake This, the Gimmick Champion, and Styles Clash. Shake This is busy pointing out the ladies in the crowd, whilst Styles Clash fixes his eyes on the Gimmick Title, and looks at his waist, as if to say, 'Man - that belt would look good on me!'

Al J. Watson: "Ladies, gentlemen, boys, girls, chicks, dicks, pricks, hicks, micks, and chicks with dicks, the following match is between the Gimmick Champion, Shake This - and the No.1 contender to that title - Styles Clash!!"

The crowd cheer!

"However, this match is NOT to decide that title. (the crowd boo) The title will be on the line at Deception, our next Pay-Per-View. Tonight, folks, this match will determine who chooses the stipulation for that match at Deception. The winner will get to enter their chosen stipulation to the match contract.

"Therefore, this match - is a Contract On A Pole match!!"

The crowd squeal 'yippee!'

Contract On A Pole
Shake This vs Styles Clash

The referee takes Shake's title belt, calls for the bell, and this one is underway!

They lock up, and Shake gets a Headlock and then instantly goes for the Pervous Breakdown and Styles instantly escapes and goes for the ropes. Shake This then taunts Styles and then catches him in a Drop Toe Hold when he charges at him. Styles Clash is now SUPER pissed and goes after Shake This. He chases him around the ring, and then stops when Shake expects him to roll into the ring. Styles Clash does eventually head back into the ring slowly.

They lock up again, and this time, Styles sends Shake to the ropes and hits a Dropkick, and then a Clothesline. This leaves Shake dazed and Styles goes for the Styles Slam, but Shake Hiptosses out of it and then gets a Clothesline of his own, and then a Powerslam. Shake goes to the corner and begins the climb for the contract, but Styles catches him and drags him down. Styles then goes for the contract himself and Shake is able to Dropkick him down.

Styles ends up on the outside and Shake goes after him. Shake sends Styles into the ring steps and then the ring post and then Slingshots him into the crowd ! Shake then goes into the ring and starts going for the contract again. Styles runs, jumps over the railing, jumps onto the ring apron and then kicks Shake off of the top rope with the assistance of the ropes ! Styles then goes to the top rope and hits a Missile Dropkick.

Styles then decides it's time to finish off Shake, but Shake drops to his knees and hits a low blow ! Shake then calls for the finish. He locks it in! BAMM! The PERVOUS BREAKDOWN !!! Shake gets himself together and then heads for the top rope. Styles slowly gets up and grabs onto his foot, but Shake kicks him off and goes for the contract again. Styles then follows him to the top rope and both men brawl up top. Styles gets the advantage, uses the pole to keep his balance, and hooks his arm around Shake's neck! They both jump off - Styles hits a top-rope SUPER-SWINGING DDT!! Holy crap!!

Crowd: "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

Both men get to their feet, and they trade right hands. Styles gets the better of Shake. Styles sends Shake to the ropes. Shake ducks, runs the opposite ropes, Styles turns around - SHAKE COMES BACK WITH THE WHACK OFF!!! Shake is having major problems getting back to his feet but eventually gets there. Shake decides enough is enough and crawls into the corner He climbs himself up, and reaches for the prize - but at the last second, he sees Styles struggle to his feet!

He changes his mind, turns to face his opponent, and he jumps at Styles Clash. Styles Clash catches him in mid-air and turns it into a massive STYLES SLAM!!! BOTH MEN DOWN !!!

Styles Clash then gets to his feet. He sees the opening and then heads for the top rope and then reaches for the contract. HE HAS IT !!! NO! Shake reaches to the ropes, kicks them, and Styles crotches himself on the top rope! Shake This then goes up top with Styles Clash up there. He uses Styles Clash's shoulders to get more height. Shake reaches for the contract - he can touch it! But Styles Clash moves, and now Shake This is crotched !!!

Both men crawl to their feet and pull themselves up using the pole. They fight on the top rope again! Lefts and rights! Forearms! Styles clash with an uppercut - Shake blocks it, goes for a kick - Styles catches the kick! He grabs Shake by the neck, and launches himself and Shake towards the canvas! My God it's a TOP ROPE STYLES SLAM !!! HOLY SHIT !!! Styles Clash gets to his feet first, pulls himself up to the top rurnbuckle, reaches up the pole, and grabs the contract to win the match !!!

WINNER: Styles Clash

The Cat: "Holy cat-flaps Fred! Can you believe it! If these guys wanna fight tooth-and-nail like that just to choose the stipulation - how will they cope when the TITLE is on the line?"

Fred: "I dare say the auntie will be upped, young man - that was a helluva fight, a helluva fight ah say!"



* BACKSTAGE *

Bal Bowski is walking down a corridor. He seems to be leaving - has has some bags with him, and is wrapped up. Sabinite appears, and runs down to catch him. He grabs Bowski by the shoulder, and makes him drop his bags. She drags him into a darker corridor.

Sabinite: "Don't go yet, Bal. Please don't."

Bowski: "Wha.....what do you mean?"

Sabinite looks lovingly into Bal's eyes.

Sabinite: "I think I'm falling for you."

Bowski: "Oh come on.....you don't even know me! I may be a guy but I won't be falling into that trap anytime soon. You're a really nice girl....."

Sabinite: "HOW nice, Bal? Come on - tell me what your really think. What was your first impression of me. Come on - TELL me."

Bowski: "I......I-I.......I think you're beautiful."

Sabinite goes to kiss Bal.

"No wait! Wait! Look - you are going with Mikey. I won't muck that up for him. Sort it out first please Sabinite. You need to prove to me that you mean what you say."

Sabinite: "You want me to prove it huh? Well, how's this....I just talked to Mr.Showtime, and I managed to......persuade him, to give you what you want."

Bowski: "What do you mean?"

Sabinite: "He was thinking about it anyway, but he wasn't sure, and you know about your past with him. But - I managed it. At the next PPV, you will get a re-match for the World Championship."

Bowski: "(his eyes light up) ....You.....you mean it? For definite??"

Sabinite: "100%, Bal. Look, I could've done that for Mikey, but I chose you instead. I chose YOU over Mikey. He's not what he used to be. I wanted him to reach the top, but not anymore. I want YOU."

Bowski looks shocked.

Bowski: "Wow. Okay, okay. Look, I'm gonna have to go. But - call me. Here's my number. Just as long as you sort it out with Mikey."

Sabinite: "Forget about him. What do you care about more - him, or the World Title? ......Exactly. Look, I better go too. I'll see you around."

Sabinite walks off. Bal watches on, and cannot believe what's just gone down. And what may be going down on him, later on.



* THEME TUNE - 'Complete Control' by The Clash *

Oldschooler walks through the curtains, and goes to the ring.

Dog-Collar match
Oldschooler vs ExGenesys

Fred: "Oldschooler is still on the lookout for his first singles win-could tonight FINALLY be his night?"

Cat: "It's almost a Chris Benoit situation for me, Foley, will Oldy FINALLY get the victory he deserves?"

Fred: "WHAT?!? A BENOIT situation? No comparison! As much as I hate to promote a rival companies talent, Benoit is possibly the greatest Technical wrestler alive! We have a few wrestlers who in time will possibly surpass his level, but at the moment with all his experience and draggin' good matches out of Viscera it's no doubt Benoit. Benoit was challenging for A WORLD TITLE for Gods sake, sure it was a minor league title when you compare it to our own, but it was something Benoit had wanted his whole career nonetheless. Oldy isn't even a true Technical wrestler - he's more similar to Terry Funk when he was approaching his peak and that coming from me is a massive compliment. We're in for a treat if he ever reaches Terry's in ring peak when he's in SCW, ah say a right treat!"

The Cat: "I never knew you watched wrestling so much......sheesh!"

Exgens music hits. He comes out to a huge pop. When he arrives in the ring the ref explains the rules to the wrestlers and puts the Collars on them. Both guys looked pumped up.

Fred: "I don't think I've ever seen a Dog Collar match between two wrestlers of such contrasting styles, Oldy's brawling against Exgens smash-mouth style, it should be interesting and most importantly an awesome spectacle."

The bell rings. Oldy pulls Exgen towards him early and hits a viscious clothesline. Exgen spins around and lands head first on the chain! He's pretty tangled. Oldy wraps the chain around Exgens neck and chokes him out for a bit before the crowd get impatient. He goes to the top rope and wraps the chain round his elbow before hitting an agonising flying elbow! All of a sudden, blood splatters everywhere!

Fred: "Who the hell is t'blood from?!? Oldy could've broken his elbow!"

The fans start a loud "Holy Shit!" chant. Oldy gets up first and untangles himself. He hits Exgen with a stiff right arm RIGHT on the nose and a sickening crunch can be heard and MORE blood splatters. The canvas is a mess, the camera pans to some fans - a little girl can be seen puking over the head of her younger brother.

Niff can then be seen running out to ringside.

Cat: "Oooooooow! What a coincidence! Exgen had a stiff right arm in his face and in a second Fred, Niff is going to give me a-"

Fred: "What the Hell is Niff doing out here? This is a dangerous place for anyone to be, let alone a non-wrestler! Huh? She's trying to start an Oldschooler chant...with the emphasis firmly being on TRYING."

Oldy acknowledges Niff but this gives Exgen the opportunity to go for the schoolboy pin 1...2...OLDY KICKS OUT!

Exgen is trembling, but he hits a nice Enziguri and as he does so pulls Oldy towards him thus making the move look quite awesome and painful for both men. Exgen drags Oldy to the top rope and then hits a moonsault to the canvas, pulling Oldy with him in an incredible spot. Oldy lands with a sickening thud on top of Exgen.

A huge "This is awesome!" chant begins

Exgen looks dazed, but he gets up and goes for a dropkick, but the collar prevents him hitting it properly and his neck gets tugged back in a dangerous looking manner, and the ref looks visibly concerned. However, Exgen gets right back up! If at first you don't succeed........He fails again! Oldy catches him as the kick nearly connects and swings Exgen out of the ring! He's hanging Exgen! After a couple of seconds he pulls the chain hard CRUSHING Exgens windpipe and pulling him back in the ring.

The ref yells "Call paramedics!" to someone at ringside, and Oldy goes for the cover. 1...2...3! He wins the match! ExGen is spluttering and shaking all over the canvas!

WINNER: Oldschooler

As the paramedics approach seconds later, Exgen pushes them away, and drags himself up in the corner. His face is bloody, and his hair is absolutely matted with the stuff but you can tell he's pissed at losing the match. He removes the collar in a stroppy manner, and Oldy does the same in the opposite corner. Just before Exgen leaves the ring Oldy charges across the ring and grabs him!

The crowd, who were just applauding the efforts of both men, begin to boo the 'schooler! But he lets Exgen turn around before offering him a handshake! The crowd cheer. Exgen pauses for a long time, but accepts it. ExGen puts some force into it, before letting go, and sliding out the ring.The crowd give both men a standing ovation and huge "SCW" chants are heard.

Fred: "What a show of sportsmanship between these two incredible athletes."

The Cat: "But Exgen still looks angry! I think the handshakes only for show-the hatred's still there!"

Fred: "Heck, you have to ruin a moment, don't you boy. No, you never like losing a match, but I think both these men have respect for one another. Hey, Niff's getting into the ring..."

Exgen looks confused, but leaves Oldy alone with Niff. Niff then gives Oldy a hug, getting herself covered in blood in the process, and the two leave together.

Fred: "Ahhh.....this reminds me of t'time our Ashley hugged a bludgeoned Maxine in her dying minutes...."



* BACKSTAGE *

Chubbz is sitting on the floor in a corridor, against Mr.Showtime's office door. He's picking his nose. Mr.Showtime then walks around the corner, and towards his room. Chubbz springs up onto his feet!

Chubbz: "Oooh oohh Sir! Sir! Mr.Showtime!

Showtime: "Get out of my way - WHAT??!"

Chubbz: "I want to work for you so much - I'll do anything, you hear me - ANYTHING!"

Showtime: Who the hell are......hey! Wait a minute! (he points at Chubbz) You're the little runt who ran into the ring last week and humiliated my stars! What the hell are you doing here??!"

Chubbz: "I'm sorry sir, but SV6 said you really liked my......liked my style.

Showtime: "Who he hell is SV6? Look, I don't have time for this - get lost!"

Showtime walks into the room. The camera follows. There is a police officer inside - the same one that showed up last week. Showtime seems surprised.

Showtime: "...er....please, come in(!)"

Officer: "No time for jokes, Sir. I'll get straight to the point. We've finalised the phone record search and checked over the gun registered records."

Showtime: "And?"

Officer: "Well, you're not gonna like this...."

Showtime: "Get on with it."

Officer: "Ok.

The man takes out a piece of paper from his pocket. He looks it over.

Officer: "We checked all the phone records in the building at the time. Except for Barry's. We believe that someone stole his phone after the incident. But the good news - we checked Niff's phone records, and she was on the phone that night to an Ole Skuler."

Showtime: "Erm, I think you mean Oldschooler."

Officer: "That might be it, yes. The spelling is all wonky here."

Showtime: "And the gun?"

Officer: "We checked the coding of the gun, and searched the records. The gun used to shoot Barry was registered under.......one of your wrestlers."



The Cat: "My God."



Showtime: "Well - don't keep me in suspense. Who?"

















Officer: "Bal Bowski."





* THEME TUNE - 'Megalomaniac' by Incubus *

The Cat: "Well I can't believe it myself, Fred - looks like we now have a number one suspect!"

Fred: "It's a disgrace, AH SAY AH DAMN DISGRACE!!"

The fans, confused at the new theme tune, begin to boo very loudly, as the SCW World Heavyweight Champion walks down the aisle! Ghostface doesn't look too confident, that's for sure.

He enters the ring, and the fans give him pelters. Ghostface stands very close to announcer Jim Carrey - so that the Coke cups hit him instead.

Announcer Jim Carrey: "ALLLLLLLLLLLLRIGHTEEEEEEE THENNNN!!! The match you've all been waiting for! This bout, scheduled for one fall, is a Streefight!"

The fans go nuts!

"In the ring, standing in the .....well, standing behind me, is the current, reigning, defending, first and only Showtime City Wrestling Heaveeeeeeweight Championnnnn of the Wooooooooorrrrrrrld - this, is, Ghhhhooooostfaaaaaace!!"

The fans boo. For several minutes. Then a chant break out -

"Cac-tus-Jack! Cac-tus-Jack!"



* THEME TUNE - 'Cactus Jack Theme' *

About 20 seconds later, the fans finally see the legendary Cactus Jack enter the ringside area! He looks focussed, he looks full of emotion, and he looks at Barbie in his hand! He brushes his barbed-wire baseball bat against his beard, and walks towards the ring with a purpose - to implant that weapon into Ghosty's brain!

Streetfight
Ghostface vs Cactus Jack

Ghostface pushes Jim Carrey out the way, and slides out the ring with his title belt. He meets Cactus on the ramp, and swings the belt - Jack ducks, and plants the handle-end of the bat in Ghosty's face! Ghosty falls back and holds his nose in agony. Cactus drops the weapon and picks up Ghostface - he locks on a suplex, and WHAM! Ghostface is flipped up, and over, and his back cracks against the steel ramp!

Cactus stands up.

Cactus Jack: "Bang Bang!!"

The fans go nuts, bananas, and other types of edible things, as Cactus drags Ghostface over the ramp, and down to the floor. He hits a couple of fierce punches, as they make their way around the ramp, to the side. Cactus grabs a pole from the barricades, and nails Ghostface in the abdomen with the end of it! Then he cracks it against the champ's back!

Ghostface is down, and Jack begins stomping on him. Ghostface tries to crawl away, and finally gets up and runs through the curtains.

* BACKSTAGE *

Ghosty makes it though, and looks frantically for a weapon. He can't. He turns around, and Cactus is right there, with a clothesline! He goes for a cover but Ghosty kicks out after one. Cactus drags the champ up, and whips him into the side of a dumpster! Ghosty is slumped on the ground, and Foley stands back, and takes a run-up.....he charges with his trademark running knee, but Ghosty moves out the way, and Cactus crashes right into the side of the dumpster!

Ghostface regains his senses, and begins stomping on Cactus. He picks him up, and viciously pushes him against a wall! Ghosty turns around, and sees some railings. He finds a chain on the ground nearby, and he wraps it around his hand! Ghostface stands over Jack, and begins pummelling him with right hands - planting each fist into Foley's head! The skin becomes lacerated, and Cactus begins to bleed bleed bleed!

Ghostface stands back, and turns around. He opens up the chain, grabs it with both hands, and pulls on it. He doesn't see Cactus get up behind him.

Cactus turns him around, and WHACK! Right hand! And another one! And a third one! Ghostface is reeling! He drops the chain, and staggers backwards against a wooden table as Cactus continues with the punches! Ghosty falls against the table.

Cactus shouts 'Bang Bang!' a second time, as he walks away. He then turns, and charges at the champ!

Ghostface ducks, and Jack is launched over Ghostface's head, and he crashes down, on and through the table!! Poles and pieces of wood and wires and cables all fall on top of Cactus Jack as ghostface rolls out the way!

The Cat: "Man that was NASTY! Come on Cactus! Get up!"

Ghostface snickers - his confidence increased dramatically. He drags Cactus' carcass from the wreckage, and makes a cover! One! Two! No!! Cactus kicked out! Cactus kicked out! The blood is pouring out from his forehead. Ghostface walks away, and leaves the backstage area!

Foley struggles along the ground.

Ghostface enters the arena, and finds his title belt on the aisle. He grabs it, and jogs back to the backstage area.

Ghostface stalks down Cactus, who has crawled his way to an office-like area. He pulls himself up using a window-sill. Ghostface finds him, and charges at him with the belt! - Cactus lifts a boot, and kicks Ghostface in the stomach! ghosty drops the belt, and Jack picks it up......Ghosty faces him, and WHAMM! Cactus Jack plants the SCW Title belt into the champ's nose!!

Ghosty goes down! And teh fans are loving it!

Behind the crimson mask, you can see Cactus' wry smile. He grabs Ghostface by the arms, lifts him up, and points to the office window.

Fred: "Noooo - he can't be thinking o' THAT!!"

Cactus Jack charges with Ghostface, towards the window, and launches him right through it!

SMMAAAASSHHH!!!!

"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

Fred: "Good God Almighty! I've never seen anything like it in all my days, ALL MY DAYS AH SAY!"

Cactus falls back, and waits for a minute. Ghostface crawls though the door of the office. He has been BUSTED WIDE OPEN!! More than once....

Cactus gets up, and grabs Ghostface. He lifts him onto his shoulder, and carries him towards the arena again. The fans can see them come through the curtains. Cactus whips him into the side of the stage, as the fans chant for Cactus! Jack takes a battered and bloodied Ghostface, and drags him onto the timekeeper's desk!

Cactus climbs up too, locks in Ghosty, and CRAAAASSHH!!! Cactus Jack hits a double-arm DDT, which sends both men crashing through the desk!!

The fans are going wild!

Cactus seems to have hurt his back though, as he pulls himself up. He walks around the ring - and finds his barbed-wire baseball bat!! The bat gets a pop, of course. Cactus smiles, and walks back towards his prey. Ghostface stands up, and sees Jack walking towards him - so he rolls quickly into the ring. Foley follows - but Ghosty attacks with punches and kicks. Ghosty kicks him into a corner, and stomps on him for quite a while, while the fans get more and more impatient. Ghosty then sees the baseball bat. He walks over to it, and picks it up.

He turns to face Cactus, but Jack explodes out the corner, and clotheslines Ghosty! Foley whips him into the corner, then splashes him! Ghosty is down in the corner - Foley connects with the running knee! Ghosty holds his face, and jumps up. Cactus runs the ropes, and hits a clothesline again, this one sends them both over the top rope!

Cactus quickly recovers, and climbs onto the apron. He shouts 'Bang Bang!', and leaps off the apron, crushing Ghostface with a diving elbow!

Cactus, covered in blood, rolls Ghosty into the ring, and signals for a move! He grabs Ghostface, and attempts a piledriver - Ghosty counters with a back body-drop!

Jack quickly gets up, and walks right into The Seance! Just like that!!

The Cat: "Damn!"

The referee is there for the cover - One! Two! Thr...NO!! Cactus kicked out of The Seance!

Fred: "It's a darn miracle, AH SAY a darn miracle, that is!!"

Ghostface can't believe it. He picks up the baseball bat, and waits for Cactus to get up.

THWACK!! Foley thumps to the ground as Ghostface swings the barbed wire into Cactus' face!! The fans don't like it - Ghostface covers him and hooks the leg - one...two....thr......ANOTHER KICK OUT! Another kick-out! Ghostface is frustrated out of his skin! He looks like he's gonna snap. He quickly regains his thoughts, and drags Cactus up - Ghosty swings the bat again, and cracks it off the back of Foley's head! The barbed-wire tangles in Jack's hair as he falls to the canvas!

Ghostface drags Cactus to the corner, covers him, and raises his feet onto the second turnbuckle for leverage. The referee completely misses this, and he is there to count one....two.....three. The fans are rioting.

WINNER: Ghostface

Ghostface collapses to the mat. Cactus isn't moving - the barbed-wire still caught in his hair. The referee calls for help, as the fans chant 'BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!'

The Cat: "Damn. He gave it all he could, but Ghostface has somehow defeated the legendary Cactus Jack. I can't believe it."

Fred Elliott: "It was a fine fight though, ah say a fine fight."

The camera performs a close-up of the ring, splattered in blood, with the bodies of Ghostface and Cactus Jack laying there, motionless. The cameras stop rolling.





A huge, huge thank you to Haraga, JBL Mark, and everyone else who gave me ideas for these matches and segments!

Quote:

 

We are in the car park of Showtime Arena. In a dimly-lit area, we find Sabinite kissing passionately.....with Bal Bowski. Suddenly, Bal releases the hold.

Bowski: "...You're gonna tell him tonight?"

Sabinite: ".....I'm gonna tell him tonight."






Re-Cap!!

Last week at Tormented Tuesday:

Oldschooler defeated ExGenesys in a bloody Dog-Collar Match!

Haraga bested Tartan Army team-mate JaYo in a Steel Chair Challenge - what will his reward be?

Sabinite instantly gained an attraction for Bal Bowski! Little does she know that it was HIS gun that was used to shoot Sheriff Baz!

And, Ghostface and Cactus Jack took part in a brutal arena-wide brawl, with the SCW Champion coming out victor in a controversy-filled match!





SCW Jinx episode 15!!

Fred Elliott: "Hullo and welcome to Showtime City Wrestling! We are just one week away, ah say ONE WEEK AWAY from SCW's fifth Pay-Per-View: Deception!!"

"I'm t'Butcher of Weatherfield, Fred Elliott....

"and alongside me is that Red Dwarf rascal, The Cat."

The Cat: "OOOOOOWWWWWW! Alright! Tormented Tuesday was an action-packed show last week, I wonder if these monkeys can top that tonight!!"

Fred Elliott: "It's going to be bloody difficult to top last week, AH SAY BLOODY DIFFICULT!! We don't have much of a schedule tonight, so we're just going to sit back and see what unfolds.

* THEME TUNE - 'We Are The Champions' by Queen *

"Although, we know that Firework and Ki Crusher will go one-on-one tonight.......hold on a second.....what's going on here??"







The lights dim. As the piano and soft lyrics at the start to play, a short video package airs of JBL Mark & Corino Punk's Tag Team title win two weeks ago. Fireworks hit as the chorus starts and out come Mark & Corino, looking very emotional and wearing suits along with the tag titles. The crowd begin to jeer the champs.

They wave at the crowd and thank them for their support. JBL Mark is doing a lot of Randy Orton-like poses.

Fred Elliott: "I don't flaming well believe this! These two young scally-wags have only been around a couple of weeks, and because they somehow won the Tag Titles, they think they are the bees' knees - AH SAY THE BEES' KNEEEEEEES!!"

They celebrate in the ring and hug and are still putting on an obviously forced emotional front. Balloons fall and Mark & Corino pose with the belts mid ring and call for the press at ringside to photograph them.

When the music eventually stops they grab mics.

JBL Mark: "THANK YOU! Wow. Your support just blew me away. I really never expected such a positive reaction, did you CP?"

Corino Punk: "Don't call me CP. It sounds like some kind of sexually-transmitted disease. But no, I didn't expect the crowd to be so vocal in their support."

Mark: "Come on now, on your feet everyone! I'd really like a standing ovation! Listen to your hero!"

Nothing.

Punk: "Meh, good enough."

Mark: "Come on everybody! You're not supporting your tag champs?? You're being unsupportive??! That's a form of BULLYING! And bullying isn't cool! ....So you guys aren't cool! I'm anti-bullying, kids! Look up to me! If your loser son/daughter is a victim, tell them to look up to me and I'll help them through it!"

Punk: "Yeah-uh-anyhoos, about last week..."

Mark: "We don't need to go on about last week.....I got told when I signed that I wouldn't have to partake in anything to do with WCW, and someone has clearly lied to me. What happened last week was a freak accident, and we shall delve into that no longer. It's TWO weeks ago we should be talking about, when The "Unstoppable" Tartan Army were soundly defeated by myself!

Punk: "Ahem...."

Mark: "AND Mr.Corino here! How is your uncle Steve by the way?"

Punk: "(quietly) Shhhhh! You know he doesn't talk to me...."

Mark: "Yeah, sorry.......anyway, I have a message for The Tartan Army...I told you you were my idols when I was on the indy scene...well that was true. With the emphasis strongly on WERE. Have you ever been in the situation where you've longed to meet your heroes and then when you do, you realise they're nothing? I honestly felt like crying when I realised what scummy people you are. You make me embarassed to be Scottish. You plaster the stereotypical Scotsman image to scummy fans all over the world!"

"JaYo, Muzza, Haraga, CMA...you're just a bunch of wasters. You're the kind of guys who'd beat up their grannies for a swig of booze. When I first came here I was a bit marky and I asked you guys for your autographs...for a friend, of course. And what did you say? 'Och...aye, ya big fanny, ya can have oor autographs if ya LIKE! But, ah'm...we're fuckin' havin' a bit of a session here, so COME BACK LATER, WILL YA??!'

"You told ME to come back later?!? ME?? You snubbed me, then when you realised my greatness you came crawling back to BEG me to join the Tartan Army. To BEG me. And guess what? I don't need you. The fact is - you guys need ME. But you can't have me! You need yound, fresh blood to keep your little stable fresh. To keep the Tartan Armies winning name intact. The fact is you're as bad as the Scottish National Football team! I feel disgusted to be a Scotsman when I see you guys!!....."

* THEME TUNE - "I'm On My Way" by The Proclaimers *

The Cat: "Uh-oh....that little mention of football has gone and done it for them now..."

Muzza, JaYo and CMA enter the arena - and the fans sound glad. They had heard Mark's voice almost as much as Triple H's.

Muzza: "HOW DARE YA!"

JaYo: "Aye...we can take your slaggin' - we've heard it all before. But you slaggin the Scottish national side!"

Muzza: "And de-Scotsmanizing yersel'!" .....actually (to JaYo), is that a word?"

JaYo: "Aye, well probably...Well, Marky-boy, we canna take this! We're gonna kick yer arses - RIGHT NOW!!"

The Tartan Army walk slowly down to the ring. As they get to the apron......



* THEME TUNE - 'Power Struggle' by Sunna *

The Cat: "Hey - here comes FNS!!!"

FNS stands on the stage with a mic. The fans pop big-time!

FNS: "Listen to you idiots......no-one give two craps about Scotland around here! We are in Showtime City!!"

The crowd cheer!!

Fred Elliott: "I hate cheap pops, AH HATE CHEAP POPS AH SAY!!"

FNS: "And what makes it even more funny is the fact that you two (pointing at JaYo and Muzza at ringside) actually think you can beat anyone up. It's hilarious! Hell, only last week I was whupping Muzza with a rubber chicken!"

The fans begin laughing at Muzza. Muzza goes Ric Flair-mad, and starts kicking the steel steps at ringside, and generally just waving his arms in the air. JaYo and CMA try to calm him down. Mark and Corino, meanwhile, go out of character, and begin laughing too!

"Thing is, my tag partner ExGen is at home recovering, inbetween stints to Blockbuster to argue with the shop assistant about some random tapes that no-ones' even seen before anyway........anyways, I can speak for him when I say that we NEVER lost the Tag Titles in Showtime City...we lost them in Glasgow.

"We never got a fair rematch either. Corino and Mark have proven that the Tartan Army are too STUPID to be allowed another tag title shot.....so "champs", how about you two put your titles on the line next week at Deception, and feel the force of a little Power Rangers Connection reunion??!"

The fans are loving this from FNS!!



JBL Mark: "Ha ha ha. Look - I don't take part in matches with kids. Power Rangers?? You loser! Besides, like ExGen could recover in time for next week! He nearly got his head ripped off in that Dog-Collar match - a match in which he LOST, by the way! You're both a couple of losers!!....."

Mystery Voice: "Whoa whoa WHOA!!!"

Fred Elliott: "What NOW???!"

Mystery Voice: "I have something to add to this...."

A man walks through the curtain, talking into the mic. It's The Genius!!

The Genius: "Hold on a second everyone!"

The Tartan Army look like they're gonna explode - they want to fight, not talk!

"Mark, Corino....I don't understand you two telling FNS he's a loser. As far as I remember, he beat Muzza over there 1-2-3 last week. The same night, I believe you two LOST."

Mark & Corino don't look happy.

"Last week at Tormented Tuesday, I defeated BOTH of you - ONE! TWO! THREE!"

JBL Mark: "Hey - but you had help from....you had help from Hardcore Hak! And The Guardian Angel, for God's sakes!! You...."

The Genius: "No, no, no, no - remember, it was WCW rules. As far as the bookers are concerned, I beat you two - clean - and you two just DREAMT of that little '90's reject invasion' thing. That's what it says in the script, anyways."

Mark: "This is complete and utter bullsh...."

The Genius: "SO.....champs - I'm guessing that my single-handed win over you two last week makes ME the number one contender to your titles! I'm sure Mikey Richards would have no qualms in tagging with me at Deception...."

FNS, standing with The Genius on the ramp, looks at him funny. He seems to disagree.

Muzza: "You bunch of fannies - we were here first! Get lost! It's our turn for a re-match!......"


* THEME TUNE - 'Before I Die' by Mushroomhead *

Sheriff Nevermore enters the arena, and stands between FNS and The Genius! The fans can't believe it!

Sheriff Nev: "Gentlemen - please!! This bickering is doing no-one any favours! These fans want to see action, and they'll get it! Courtesy of Sheriff Nev - the best, and ONLY, Sheriff in town!"

The fans boo Nev.

"You all have valid reasons for wanting a title shot - The Army haven't had their re-match yet, FNS & ExGen haven't had a fair re-match ever, and The Genius beat the Tag Champs last week. So here's what's gonna go down..."

Mark: "Don't you DARE do this, Nev....(!)"

Sheriff Nev: "SHUT it......At Deception, next week, we're gonna have ourselves a little Fatal-Four-Way Tag Team Title Match!!!"

The fans cheer!!

"JBL Mark and Corino Punk will defend the SCW Tag Titles against JaYo and Muzza, Mikey & The Genius......AND ExGen & FNS!!!"

FNS and Genius look happy. The Army ain't sure. Corino doesn't really care - but Mark is FURIOUS!!

"And FNS - if ExGen isn't fit by next week - and it's gonna be a struggle - then either find yourself a new partner, or go it alone."

JaYo: "This is all well and good Nev, but I wanna fight TONIGHT!!"

Sheriff Nev: "Alright, chill out! I've got the perfect solution.

"Tonight we are gonna have two special tag team matches! First, the two here at my side, FNS & The Genius, are gonna team up for the first time, to take on....the Tag Team Champions, JBL Mark & Corino Punk!"

The fans cheer again! FNS and The Genius look at each other, and just nod.

"And our second match.....JaYo & Muzza, you wanna fight? Well here's your opportunity. There's another title gonna be on the line at Deception - a Gimmick Title match. To make things a little more interesting for that one, I'm gonna pair them up - tonight!"

Fred: "The sneaky little slimeball!!"

Sheriff Nev: "Tonight, it's JaYo and Muzza....versus Styles Clash and Shake This!!!"

"I suggest you all go and prepare."

Nevermore walks off. FNS and The Genius stare and point at the champs, then walk off too. Muzza wants in to fight the champs but CMA and JaYo hold him back, and they force him back through the curtain.









* BACKSTAGE *

Mr.Showtime's office. The boss is sitting at his desk. Standing infront of him are Ghostface, Haraga, and Bal Bowski. There are several security guards standing between the three men.

Ghostface: "Ok, ok - before you say anything boss - I apologise. Look, I accused Mikey Richards, you punished me, and I took a hell of a beating from Mick Foley. I'm certain I saw Mikey with a gun, but now that it's been leaked that it was Bowski's, then I guess......"

Showtime: "SHUT the FUCK up, Ghostface! Don't say another word. None of you will talk unless I say otherwise.

"Look, we're in a right mess here, and I don't care how much you all hate each other, I'm gonna sort this as best I can. Bowski, we can't comment until the police say we can. And the right thing to do would be to suspend you pending further investigation. But I can't.

"The contract had been signed before the revelation, and it's iron-clad. At Deception next week, you will face Ghostface for the World Heavyweight Championship."

Ghostface sighs. He is severely pissed off.

"I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. However.....(he points to Haraga)....this is where YOU come in. I may not be able to take someone from the match - but I can add to it. And thanks to your Steel Chair Challenge victory last week - here's your prize.

"At the World Title match next week, I want YOU to be the special enforcer. You've earned it, especially after you beat FNS like I asked you to a while back, for the injuries he caused me. If you impress me as the enforcer, there will be a World Title shot coming your way, no doubt about it."

Haraga: "I swear, Bowski, you even TOUCH me, and I'll KILL...."

Bowski: "Look, whatever, kilt-muncher....."

Haraga: "Yer guilty. I can see it in yer eyes. Ah know an attempted murderer when I see wan!!"

Bowski and Haraga try to square up, but the security steps between them.

All of a sudden, the office door swings open -

Mikey Richards: "Boss, boss, I need to......."

Mikey spots Ghostface.

"Ghostface.....you think I did it huh? You think it was ME??! I HATE YOU!!"

Mikey lunges at Ghostface and smacks him in the cheek! Mikey squeezes past a guard and literally hits a Lou Thesz press on the world champ, and starts pummeling him! Bowski and Haraga stare back - and Bowski just asks a guard to step aside, and he simply leaves the room.

Showtime: "Come on guys! Security! Stop this dammit!!"

A huge guard grabs Mikey by the waist and lifts him off Ghosty, and plants him in the other end of the room, holding him there. Haraga smiles at the goings-on. Ghosty sits up on the floor, shocked at Mikey's rage!

Ghostface: "You little.....I'm the World Champion! You can't do this to me! I beat CACTUS JACK I'll have you kno....."

Showtime: "For Christ sakes!! Stop this crap now! I'm all for tempers flaring and stuff, but not in my GOD DAMN OFFICE!! That is what THE RING is for!!

Showtime points to a guard.

"Billy - show Haraga to the ref's locker-room - Haraga, I want you to prepare for your enforcer duties next week. Tonight, you are going to be the referee in tonight's main event! You call it down the middle, or I'll remove you from Deception altogether.

Haraga: "Aye, right boss! I'll do ye proud lad!"

Haraga winks at Mr.Showtime, who acknowledges it, then leaves.

Showtime: "Security - you keep these two apart until the main event. Mikey, you better keep your anger in until then, because I'm putting you in the ring tonight.....against the SCW Champion, Ghostface!"

Mikey: "Ghostface, I'm gonna make your match with Foley seem like a trip to the store for some Jelly Tots!"

Ghostface: "Showtime! This isn't fair! I...."

Showtime: "LIFE'S not fair, champ. Get used to it. Now get the hell out of my office!!"

Security drag Mikey away, followed by Ghostface. Showtime leans back on his chair, and looks to the ceiling.

"(to himself).....fucking hell.......still, at least they're not fighting me over creative control...."










* THEME TUNE - 'Boom! Shake The Room' by Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince *

Firework vs Ki Crusher

Fred Elliott: "Right - our first match-up tonight, and in the ring is 'Glorified Jobber' Ki Crusher, a former post whore and SCW Gimmick Champion, and he's up against the talented Firework. Cat, I can't believe the news we heard about Deception next week - a fatal four-way tag match, and Haraga will enforce the World Title rematch between Ghostface & Bal Bowski!!"

The Cat: "It's gonna be off the.....I dunno. But it'll be off something! I can't wait!"

Firework makes it to the ring, and sizes up Ki Crusher. Ki Crusher looks pissed off, he also looks like he's up for this one. He wants to prove that he's not just here to make up the numbers (which he is, admittedly).

Firework & Ki lock up, and Ki gets off to a great start by kicking Firework in the calf muscle! Firework goes down, and immediately Crusher begins to work on the weak leg.

Fred: "Of course, Ki Crusher uses the Ki-Lock very effectively - if he can tie up Firework in that particular submission manouver, he'll make a damp squib out of Firework, ah say a damp squib!"

Ki Crusher hits various leg-locks and attacks, but when he attempts a figure-four, Firework uses his other boot to kick Crusher out the ring! Crusher flies in to the side of the barricades! Firework drags himself up, and notices Ki trying to get up outside. Firework limps to the ropes, launches himself over, and connects with the Catherine Wheel suicide plancha!! - both Firework and Ki end up falling over the barricades into the crowd!

Crowd: "Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!"

The Cat: "Firework is crazy! He almost killed them!"

Fred: "But it was impressive, ya got to gie him 'at!"

The Cat: "......Ok, ok - he was impressively crazy!"

Firework crawls over the rails, and suplexes Ki back onto the mats! He then rolls Ki into the ring, Firework follows, then starts pumping himself up!

Bam! Right hand!

Bamm! And another!

Bam-Bam!! A Mongolian Chop by Firework! Ki Crusher is reeling! Irish whip, Ki Crusher ducks a clothesline, turns around - WHAM! Crusher walks right into an overhead belly-to-belly suplex! Firework quickly covers - this one's over! One! Two! Th....NO! Ki kicked out! Wow!

Firework gets up, and screams out! He signals to finish off Ki Crusher! Ki Crusher gets up, Firework hooks him up, and lifts him high for the Rocket Buster! - Wait! Ki rolls down the back of Firework, hits a drop toe-hold - and Crusher locks in the KI-LOCK! The Ki-Lock! Firework is shocked! He tries to reach for the ropes but they're in the centre of the ring!

Firework may have to tap out right here! - Oh no - Firework somehow turns onto his back, and pushes Ki into the ropes - Ki comes back - an inside cradle! One! Two! OOOH! Ki Crusher escapes again! They both get up, Ki hits a small package this time! One! Two! Noooo! Firework rolled out! They both get up - Ki Crusher goes for a clothesline, Firework sneaks past it, and attempts a Crucifix Pin! He lands it! One! Two! NO! Ki Crusher rolled out of THAT one! They both get on their feet again - this time Firework tries a punch, Ki Crusher sneaks behind, and jumps on Firework's shoulders! Victory Roll time! Crusher ducks his head to roll through - but Firework blocks it! He holds Ki's head as he sits on his shoulders, jumps - OH MY GOD! Firework hits a variation of the Rocket Buster brainbuster - AS Ki Crusher was sitting on his shoulders! Amazing!

Firework grabs the leg - he's in a perfect pinning position, and there's no chance in hell anyone's kicking out after that! One! Two! Three! What a match!

WINNER: Firework

Firework gets up and immediately falls into a corner. He just stares at Ki Crusher, who is holding his head in agony, rolled up in the foetal position. The referee raises Firework's hand in the corner, then tends to the loser.

The fans applaud the efforts of both men!








* BACKSTAGE *

Chubbz is AGAIN backstage, he sees SV6 and runs up to him.

SV6 (to himself): "Jesus, they must have shitty security around here. (loudly) Oh hi! How are you?!"

Chubbz: "HEY! I was talking to Mr.Showtime last week and he said he didn't know you!"

SV6: "It's called stress my son, he was pissed off and said anything to avoid conversation with you. I think I'd know whether we were friends or not - what would I have to gain by lying to you? Nothing. And what would I have to lose? A friend. I don't wanna go doing that."

Chubbz: "So......what should I do? I'm losing hope, man!"

SV6: "Look...there's the directors' suite...go make a scene...that'll turn some heads..."

Chubbz: "Hey, good idea! Wish me luck!"

Chubbz jogs across and into the room.....

SV6 slaps a palm against his own forehead.






SV6: "What a tool."








Chubbz heads into the room and we see Taffy sitting at a table.

Taffy: "What the - GET OUT OF HERE!"

Condeets comes out from beneath the table to see what the fuss is about...

Taffy: "Hey! You're not finished!"

Condeets: "But...."

Taffy: "You want to keep your job right?"

Condeets sighs and goes back under the table.

Taffy: "Anyway...what are yoooooooou doing here...?"

Chubbz: "Oh my God....um...I'm looking for a job..."

Condeets (from under the table): "I could help you there!"

Taffy: "Shut it....why would I help you? Ray Showtime is the one who's responsible for the roster. Go away, little man."

Chubbz: "Oh please...you're my last hope...please..."

Chubbz gets on his knees to beg, but he apparently catches a glimpse of what Condeets is doing and quickly gets back up wide-eyed.

Taffy: "Fine, fine....look, go into the locker room and harass someone, maybe you can piss someone off enough that they'll wanna beat the hell out of you in the ring. Either that or they'll kill you there and then."

Chubbz: "Oh thanks!"

Taffy: "NOW GO!"

Chubbs heads, and Taffy lays back and smiles...the camera zooms under the table and we see that Condeets is.......fixing the table leg.

Condeets (turns to the camera): "...What did you think I was doing?"










* THEME TUNE - 'Power Struggle' by Sunna *

FNS walks to the ring with his tag partner for the evening, The Genius! They shake hands and warm-up when they get to the ring.

Non-Title Match
Mark & Corino vs FNS & The Genius

The Cat: "These guys have to team tonight, but next week in that fatal four-way tag title match, The Genius will be pairing up with Mikey Richards, and FNS will compete alongside ExGenesys. That is, if ExGen recovers by next week...."

* THEME TUNE - 'Somebody Told Me' by The Killers'

The current SCW Tag Team Champions saunter to the ring, with some more Orton-like poses. They are reluctant to give the tag belts to the referee, and even when Corino hands his to Mark, Mark then takes both titles to the top rope with him, and taunts some more, before finally getting them wrestled off him by the official. The Genius can't wait much longer, and attacks JBL Mark from behind!

The match begins, and the first few minutes sees some lively action between The Genius & JBL Mark. Corino Punk can't get in the contest, as Gene and FNS begin to perfrom some quick tags, and they try to wear down Mark. Punk gets frustrated, and runs round the ring and attacks FNS on the apron! Punk pulls him down, then chucks FNS on TOP of the steel steps, back-first! As the ref sees this, Mark kicks The Genius down below, and gets to his corner as Punk gets back.

Punk tags in, and covers The Genius! One! Two! No! A kick-out! Punk then batters The Genius with some stiff offense. He whips him, and somehow The Genius comes back with a flying forearm! Punk goes down! The Genius crawls back to his corner - but FNS is on the ground! The Genius sees FNS on the ground, and shouts at him to get up. Punk then tags in Mark, and they both grab The Genius and take him back into the middle of the ring! They lift him up, and hit a double flap-jack!

Mark makes the cover - One! Two! No! The Genius got a shoulder up! FNS begins to crawl in, but Mark charges at him with a baseball slide, and follows him outside.

The Genius drags himself up, as Corino Punk waits for him! The Genius turns, and walks right into a devastating superkick!

JBL Mark sizes up FNS on the outside, takes a couple of steps back, and charges - and runs right into a Tilt-A-Squirrel Backbreaker on the outside! Ouch!

Corino Punk falls on top of The Genius, and grabs a leg! One! FNS sees the pin attempt! Two! FNS slides in and lunges at the pin cover! ...... Three! He can't make it! The champs win the match!

WINNERS: Mark & Corino

Punk rolls out the ring, and basically falls on top of JBL Mark. They help each other up slowly, and grab the tag belts from the referee. FNS tends to The Genius, who looks to have hurt his jaw just slightly.

FNS helps up The Genius - but Gene then SHOVES him! FNS falls down, on his arse, and stares at The Genius in surprise! The Genius points at him, and mumbles something or other. He then makes a 'belt' symbol around his waist! FNS' expression turns from surprise to anger, and he simply rolls out the ring, and walks away.

JBL Mark & Corino Punk watch the whole episode, and just slyly have a chuckle, before helping themselves up the ramp.








* BACKSTAGE *

Al J. Watson: "Evening folks. I'm Al J. Watson, the Funaki of SCW. And boy, have I got some news for you! Next week at Deception, I have been personally invited to Baz Towers, to conduct a sit-down interview with SHERIFF BAZ!!"

The fans go 'oooooohh!!'

"I plan to get into Barry's head, and find out what state it's in. I plan to get to the bottom of this tragic incident. Next week at Deception could see the most EXPLOSIVE interview to ever take place, right here, in Showtime City Wrestling!"

Camerman: "(muffled) Sorry, we have to stop....Al, move out the way..."

Al moves out of the way of the screen, and the camera focuses on the television monitor that was behind him. There is a strange video package playing....



The camera is looking at the ground, a pavement. The camera style is like the Blair Witch Project - wonky camera work, zooming in and out on random things - this doesn't look professional at all. You can vaguely tell that the cameraman is walking into a shop of some sort. Rage Against the Machine is playing in the background. A few kids are running about the store, mucking about.

The camera zig-zags its' way to the service desk - you can now see that we are in some sort of small independant video store. We never, ever, see anybodies' face, but we hear the voices.

Guy: "Come on, Jo, I should've clocked out like an hour ago!"

Girl (in distance, sounds like she's through the back): "Shut the hell up and stay out there! God! Sometimes I feel like it's ME running this place!"

Guy: "Well, you KNOW I shouldn't be here!"

A young teenage boy shoves past the camera, up to the desk.

Kid: "Ha, ha - you LOSER! I'm not buying anything from this crap-hole now that I know that YOU'RE the boss! You sucked on TV, and you suck here too! You piece of shi..."

Guy: "I am NOT a piece of shi..."

Kid: "But you ARE a little bitc...."

Guy: "Listen - just get out of here! I'm after GOOD business, not little punks like YOU. Get the hell OUT OF HERE!!!!"

We see an empty DVD case chucked past the camera at the kid, who runs out the store, shouting out, 'You won't get any business around here, knob-face!!'

Girl: "He's right you know. Everyone hates your guts around here! Especially when you keep telling everyone that you own them."

Guy: "Well what am I meant to do? They don't want me in Showtime City anymore....."

Girl: "You PUSSY!! You've quit too soon! You've gotta MAKE them want you! You've still got contacts there, no?"

Guy: "Well, yeah...........wait - You're right! I've still technically got a job there.....I may not be fit to do the job I love, but until I'm fit again, I can get this place some exposure.....!"

We see the guy's feet, walking past the camera, and then we see all of him, from behind, about to open the door.

Girl: "Where the hell are you GOING??!"

There is a pause.



Guy: "..................to shill."

The guy walks out the door. The camera is switched off.







* THEME TUNE - 'I'm On My Way' by The Proclaimers *

JaYo & Muzza walk down to the ring. They are accompanied by CMA, as always. CMA looks kinda upset though....maybe he's having girl troubles again.

JaYo & Muzza vs Styles Clash & Shake This

JaYo & Muzza stomp around the ring, waiting for their opponents.

* THEME TUNE - 'I Touch Myself' by The Divinyls *

The Tartan Army absolutely cringe as 'I Touch Myself' begins to play. They literally hold their ears as hard as they can. Through the curtain comes the SCW Gimmick Champion, Shake This!! The crowd go wild!

Fred Elliott: "Last week at Tormented Tuesday, Shake had a helluva match with his no.1 contender, Styles Clash. It was a Contract on a Pole Match, and the challenger WON it! So that means Styles Clash gets to decide the type of match for Deception next week.....but will he tell us tonight what it's gonna be??!"

The Cat: "Do you notice something though.....Shake This doesn't sem to be in his wrestling attire! I know he's always chilled out and care-free, but it doesn't look like he's prepared for this at all!"

Shake This shows off his title belt to the fans, gives them high-fives, and spots a gorgeous female in the front row (she's not a plant, honest). He unbuttons his shirt and lets the girl rub her palm up and down his chest. Shake now has the biggest smile ever, and shouts out, "Oh YEAH BABY, that's whut I'm talking 'bout!!"

* THEME TUNE - 'Deeper Underground' by Jamiroquai *

Styles Clash enters, and the fans begin booing! He walks down the aisle, taunting the crowd, and meets walks around the ring, giving the fans evils.

JaYo and Muzza are so desperate to fight, that they leave the ring, grab Styles Clash, and drag him into the ring! They then begin pummeling him as the ref tries to break it up. Meanwhile, Shake This is STILL talking to the girl in the front row! He's not even looked at the ring yet!

The ref gets JaYo to leave the ring, and Muzza takes on a shocked Styles Clash. He beats him down with some forarms and clubs to the back. He then lifts him high and plants an atomic drop! The force of it sends Styles crashing to the outside!

He gets up, and dusts himself down. He turns to see Shake This, and he storms over to him and grabs him by the shoulder!

Styles Clash: "The match has STARTED you dumb-ass! Get IN THERE!!"

Shake stops looking at the girl for a second.

Shake: "What? I'm sorry? ....Oh! The MATCH! I'm so sorry...ok, I'm there now...."

Shake walks over to their corner, and hops up onto the apron.

Muzza leaves the ring at this point, and grabs Styles! He hits a Russian Legsweep into the barricade, then throws Styles back in!

He tags JaYo, who barges Styles into the corner, and pummels him again with some deadly knife-edge chops! WHOOOOOO! JaYo whips Clash into the other corner, Styles Clash counters, holds on, and JaYo gets dragged into the Styles Slam!! BOOM!!

Styles Clash quickly jumps up, and walks over to Shake This! Styles makes the tag - but Shake doesn't.....Shake lands a fist in Styles' face instead, and drops off the apron!

Styles falls down in the ring, as JaYo tags Muzza. Shake This wanders around the ring, and starts talking to the girl again!

Fred: "That's not very professional, AH SAY THAT'S NOT VERY PROFESSIONALLLLL!"

Muzza grabs Styles, and hits a powerslam! He helps up JaYo, and they wait for Styles to crawl onto his feet. He does so, and The Tartan Army nail Styles Clash with the Double Whisky!! WHAMMO!

Styles Clash is laid out in the middle of the ring, and Muzza makes the pin attempt! One! Two! Three!

WINNERS: The Tartan Army

The Cat: "JaYo & Muzza join Corino & Mark in being the form teams going into the tag title match next week! Owwwwwwww!"

Fred: "As we all know, anything can happen - but The Army have gotta be favourites to come away from Deception as the two-time SCW Tag Team Champions!"

JaYo & Muzza clap their hands, rub their bellies as though they are hungry, and point to the exit. They then leave, satisfied with a job well done. Meanwhile, Styles Clash is shaking off the beating in the ring. Shake This finishes his conversation with the girl, and begins walking up the ramp.

Styles Clash gets the ref to give him a mic.

Styles Clash: "Whoa! Hold on "CHAMP"!! Don't you wanna know about our match next week? Huh?"

Shake This can be seen smiling, and mouthing, 'I don't give a shit!'

"Well you better stay there a second, coz that's the last chance you'll get to run away from me! You may have outsmarted me this week, but it won't happen next week at Deception when it really matters! And I proved it last week - when it matters, I come out on top! I beat you, CLEAN, in the middle of the ring, to earn the chance to name the stipulation.

"And this week, you run away from a fight like a WIMP! Well, it ain't gonna happen next week - because next week at Deception, I'll be taking that Gimmick Title from you........








"......In a STEEL CAGE MATCH!!"

The fans pop big-time!

Shake This laughs! He shrugs his shoulders! He points at the title on his shoulder, and turns to walk off. Styles Clash, in the ring, is miffed!

The Cat: "A cage match is no laughing matter Fred!! What's going on??"

Fred: "You know Cat - I have a feeling that Styles Clash just played right into Shake's hands - the reaction that Shake gave...maybe Styles Clash has just shot himself in the foot picking a cage match!"

The Cat: "We'll find out eventually, I suppose...."







* BACKSTAGE *

Mikey Richards is preparing for his match, taping up his wrists. Into view walks Sabinite.

Mikey: "Wish me luck Sab......well actually, I won't need any. I've been on the phone to Bal, and he says he's gonna back me up if Haraga doesn't call it down the middle. It's all gravy."

Sabinite: "I....Mikey....I have to tell you something."

Mikey: "Well it's gonna have to wait. I'm off for a FIGHT."

Sabinite: "But this is importa....."

Mikey: "(stands up) Look - I'm sorry. Tell me later. Give me a hug."

Mikey tries to wrap his arms around Sabinite.

Sabinite: "NO! (she pushes his arms away) I can't do this!"

Mikey: "What the hell's the matter?"

Sabinite: ".....You've changed, Mikey. I can't handle it any more."

Mikey: "What are you trying to say?"

Sabinite: "I....I don't wanna be with you anymore. I'm fed up. I loved the fun-loving Mikey. Not the sinister, upset, angry, Mikey."

Mikey grabs her arm.

Mikey: "I said we can talk about this late......"

Sabinite: "NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I came here to help you reach the top of this business, and you're now NOT GIVING ME A CHANCE! It's too much for me........I don't love you anymore."

Sabinite releases her arm from his hand, and charges away.

Mikey: "SAB! ..... COME BACK! ...... SAB!!!!!........

Mikey's eyes well up. He slumps back down onto the bench, and looks at the floor. He plays with his boot laces, and tries to tie them up, but he doesn't have the strength. He then looks up, and starts smacking himself in the side of the head.

"UUURRRRRGGGHH........."

Mikey Richards stands up, and starts chucking things - boots, his bag, wrist-tape, and a chair. The cameraman scarpers.





Outside the locker-room, Sabinite is walking briskly away. She takes her mobile from her cleavage, and calls someone as she walks.

Sabinite: "Hi there! ....... Yes. ....Yeah I did it. ....I know, it's ok. .....Right.

"Let's get out of here......."







We see Chubbz head into a different room. Oldschooler is the only person there, all bandaged up and looking pained after last weeks' brutal Dog Collar match.

Chubbz: "Hey there, good lookin'!"

Oldschooler: "Wha-? Who the hell are you?!?"

Chubbz: "Only your biggest fan!"

Oldschooler: "Umm...they let a bloody FAN in here?!"

Chubbz: "Will you sign my arse?"

Oldschooler: "Pardon?!"

Chubbz pulls down his trousers and pants and points his backside towards Oldschooler.

Chubbz: "You would, wouldn't you?"

Oldschooler: "Would what?!?"

Chubbz: "You know, sign it..."

Oldschooler: "GO AWAY! I swear I'll kill you!"

He tries to get up suddenly.....

Oldschooler: "OWWWWW!"

'Schooler slumps back down onto the bench.

The Cat: "Hey! I have that copyrighted..."

Chubbz puts his rear away...

Chubbz: "I'll sing for you, if you like! Would that help?"

Oldschooler: "Holy shit, somebody shoot me."

Chubbz: "Hey, don't say that...you could be the next victim of the guy who shot the Sheriff!"

Oldschooler: "I hope to God I am..."

Chubbz: "I'll go.....if you'll give me a match tonight."

Oldschooler: "I'm too hurt...I'd fucking kill you if I could, I swear..."

Chubbz: "Oh well, I'll just go piss on your stuff or something..."

Oldschooler: "WAIT, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF TURD! That's it - I'll take you on! I'll beat your sorry carcass on PAY-PER-VIEW if you want it so bad!! I'M ON A BLOODY ROLL! I'M GONNA DESTROY YOU! I'M GONNA SODDING CRIPPLE YOU, I SWEAR!"

Chubbz: "Yes!"

He's so happy, he begins dancing!

Oldschooler: "What the.....did you even listen to a word I said?!?"

Chubbz runs away, shouting, "Yay!!" 'Schooler just sits there, trying to take in what just happened.









* THEME TUNE - 'I'm Only Happy When It Rains' by Garbage *

The Tartan's Army's own Haraga enters the arena, to boos. He is wearing a brand new referee top, which is about three sizes too small for him.

The Cat: "Ooooh - a new theme tune for Haraga! I suppose it shows how much or a sinister and miserable bastard he's become lately....

Fred: "LANGUAGE, CAT!! You don't hear me cursing an' so on down in Weatherfield do ya, AH SAY you don't, do ya??"

* THEME TUNE - 'Megalomaniac' by Incubus *

Announcer Jim Carrey: "ALLLLLLLLLL-RIGHTEEEEEEE THENNNNN!! Entering the ringside area, here is your current, reigning, defending, first and only Showtime City Wrestling World Heavyweight Championnnnnnnn - Ghooooooooostfaaaaaaace!!"

Ghostface slowly walks down the ramp - the jeers are deafening once again.

Non-Title Match
Ghostface vs Mikey Richards
Special Referee: Haraga

Fred Elliott: "Last week, Ghostface there has a WAR with the legendary Cactus Jack, and somehow came away with a victory! But he's in for a different fight next week at Deception - a World Title match against Bal Bowski! And after the way he skanked the last PPV main event, right after Sheriff Baz was taken out - you gotta believe he won't be so lucky second time around against the 'Bowski!"

Out of nowhere, Mikey Richards charges down the entrance-way and hits a running knee to Ghostface from behind!

The Cat: "What the fu......??!!"

Fred: "The poor lad has been through a tough time, Cat - he's a mental, ah say he's a mental!!"

Mikey knocks down the world champion, and starts hitting forearms to the champ's spine! He's screaming out and generally going mad as he attacks Ghostface! He picks him up, and throws him into the sides of the entrance! Haraga immediately storms down to where they are, and he grabs Mikey by the arm - Mikey pushes him away!

Haraga: "....Grrrrrrrrrr(!)"

Mikey pulls Ghostface towards the ring, and rolls him in, and mounts the champ, hitting him with everything he has!

Fred: "This is the culmination of weeks of anger and pent-up frustration, and Ghostface is taking the full brunt of it! Ghostface should never has accused Ghostface of being the culprit - but we still don't know why he DID!!"

The Cat: "Not only that - Ghostface was in a Streetfight last week, and he has a HUGE title match next week! He can't be in great shape at all!

Mikey stands up and stomps on Ghostface in the centre of the ring. He then climbs to the second turnbuckle, and nails the champ with a leg-drop! Mikey does this another two times, then starts choking Ghosty!

Haraga again pulls Richards away, but Mikey again shoves him! Haraga looks like he's gonna blow! Mikey pulls Ghostface to his feet, stares him in the eyes, drops to his knees, and uppercuts the champion right in the nuts! Haraga pulls Mikey away again, but again Mikey pushes him back!

Mikey then shouts out, 'POSITRON COLLIDER!!'

Fred: "Oh my God! I know what that is! The Positron Collider is a move that Mikey prefected in the backyards of Surrey - it's never been seen on national television before - if Mikey can get Ghostface with this, he's going to kill him, ah say HE'S GOING TA KILL HIM!!"

Mikey pulls Ghostface to the corner, and lifts him onto the top turnbuckle. Mikey then climbs up too! He grabs Ghostface - but Haraga leans into the ropes, and Mikey falls down into the ring!

"Boooooooooooo!!"

Fred: "That slimy little so-and-so!!"

Haraga grabs Ghostface, and takes him safely to the canvas. Haraga helps him to his feet, and points to Mikey. Mikey gets up, and Ghostface grabs him, and nails him with The Seance!!

Fred: "God dammit, this is just not fair!"

Ghostface covers Mikey Richards, and just to make sure, Haraga delivers a super-fast count, then calls for the bell!

The fans are disgusted!!

Fred Elliott: "HOW MANY MORE TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SEE GHOSTFACE SCREW HIS WAY TO VICTORY???!"

WINNER: Ghostface

As soon as the match ends, Haraga picks up Mikey, and destroys him with an inverted release Scots suplex! Mikey lands on his head!

The Cat: "This is just not right! Mikey has just been dumped - Ghostface accused him of trying to murder Baz, and now he's getting his ass handed to him. It's a shame! A damn shame!"

Fred Elliott: "I thought Mikey said that Bal Bowski had his back....."

The Cat: ".......Oh yeah!!"

Ghostface and Haraga batter the living shit out of Mikey Richards, as the fans start chucking copies of the Radio Times, packets of Monster Munch, and bricks, at Haraga and the champion. The fans then begin chanting....

"BOWSKI! BOWSKI! BOWSKI! BOWSKI!"

..................

Ghostface and Haraga continue to batter poor Mikey.

..................

Ghostface picks him up and hits a SECOND Seance!

..................

Fred: "OH!!! Here comes someone! It's The Genius!"

The Cat: "It's Mikey's tag partner!"

The Genius charges down, and climbs to the top rope! He aims at Ghostface - BOOM! The Nobel Prize has been COUNTERED.....into The Seance! What a deadly move!

Fred: "Oh for Christ's sake....."

The Genius completely fails, and Haraga throws him onto this feet and nails him with a Single Malt!

Fred: "If Deception is anything like this folks, we're in for a hell of a ride, AH SAY A HELL OF A RIDE!! Someone help them!"

Ghostface and Haraga stomp on Mikey and The Genius a bit more, then stop, and raise their hands in victory, taunting the fans as the camera begins to fade out. The fans continue to chant for Bal Bowski as the show ends.





Thanks to JBL Mark for the Chubbz skits, and everyone else for their ideas!