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| Chapter 27; John eavesdropping... what does he do with it... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 1 2011, 01:26 PM (81 Views) | |
| Crissi Marie | May 1 2011, 01:26 PM Post #1 |
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Chapter 27 John pushed away from the wall and tried desperately not to sob out loud as he hurried down the hall and raced down the stairs. He didn't stop until he made out the front door and out to the impala. He stopped in front of his car and placed both hands on the hood, leaning against the car with his head down, braced up by his hands. His chest heaved he tried to hold back the tears. He realized he failed when a tear hit the hood and rolled down to meet his hand. He felt someone place their hand on his back and he stiffened. "You talk to them?" Bobby asked quietly. Dean must have been more brutally honest than ever before, he thought silently. John shook his head no. "Then you overheard them talking?" Bobby guessed aloud. He nodded yes and then took in a quivering breath before he stood. "What…" Bobby started to ask but stopped as John turned his way. John shoulders slumped down in defeat as he told Bobby, "He's sick because I'm a fucking bastard." "I've known you for years and knowing you're a dumbass has never made me sick." Bobby stated frankly. John frowned furiously at Bobby as he snapped, "I'm serious… they said he was dying." Bobby nodded as his smile disappeared. "It's my fault. He just told Dean that he heard us talking that night and then I made it worse by attacking him later that same night." John looked up at the window to the boys room before he continued softly, "Dean is who he is because I raised him to be that way and then I go and try to take that away from both of them." John ran a hand through his hair before he said in a voice that indicated he was close to losing control of his tightly held emotions. "God, maybe the best thing I can do would be walk away now. Let them both have a chance at normal… awh… you ass." John snapped at Bobby while he rubbed at his arm where Bobby had just slugged him. "Idjit!" Bobby growled right back. "If you were going to leave them you should have done it when they were babies. You try that now and Dean would just hunt you down… and I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of him finding you. You've raised a powder keg of woop ass and then you want to walk out on him? Really? What are you thinking? Sammy already thinks you hate him leave now and that confirms it." John looked at Bobby as he whispered, "What am I suppose to do?" "Man up to the fact that you fucked up…" Bobby said bluntly and then added, "And fix this shit with your boys." John said softly, "Where do I start? Dean's not even talking to me and I haven't even had a chance to talk to Sammy. Hell, what can I even say to fix this?" "You know what you heard… use it to fix this." Bobby stated as he turned and walked back onto the porch and then held out a beer to John. Later that evening both boys were asleep when John came in and sat down in a chair he'd pulled over next to the bed from the corner. He sat watching them as he thought back to how Dean was at eleven to Sammy now. Sammy was bigger but he'd looked healthy. Now he just looked bad. Bobby had told him that he didn't notice anything at first because he'd been throwing up when he'd arrived. He also had appeared to be eating ok until sometime during the third week then he'd just quit eating. Bobby had thought it was because they hadn't called or come back. But John counted back that was about the time he'd called and talked to Sammy. Sammy had asked to talk to Dean and John had lied and told him he was on a date and when Dean was ready to leave town they'd head back. So he'd made Sammy feel like Dean hadn't wanted to be here… to be with Sammy. He thought it would build independence for the boys to not be so close to each other. Anyway he looked at it. This was his fault. Instincts told him to be a coward and to run like hell. This was so much harder without Mary. Hell, everything was. But Mary would not want that for her boys. He bowed his head as he thought about what he would say to them. To Sammy. To make it right. He was startled out of his musings when a small voice said in a strangled whisper, "Daddy?" He jerked his head up to stare at Sammy who was staring wide-eyed back at him; he almost looked afraid. Sammy was scooting closer to his sleeping brother the longer he stared at his dad. John sighed; he deserved Sammy not trusting him but it still hurt even though he knew it was his fault. I deserve it, he reminded himself silently even as he said softly, "Son." Sammy had paled considerably as he looked quickly at Dean then back to John. John looked at Sammy as he rubbed at his lips and let his hand run down over his chin as he whispered, "I'm so sorry." Sammy blinked rapidly at him before asking softly, "For what?" "It seems like when I open my mouth where your concerned I mess up and for that I'm sorry." He stated wearily as he watched his youngest. "It's not your fault that I'm a fuck up." Sammy replied sadly. "Samuel… watch your mouth." John reprimanded before he added, "It is my fault that I made you feel like you were a fuck up. Being made different doesn't mean wrong boy." John tried to smile at Sammy before he added, "I think you are more like your mother than me." Sammy looked down at his hands as he thought, maybe that was why dad hated him he reminded him of her. Aloud he said softly, "I'm sorry." Dean said without opening his eyes, "Stop apologizing, Sammy." "I'm sorry, D." Sammy said automatically, glancing quickly at his brother. Dean chuckled as he opened his eyes to look at his little brother, "I guess we'll have to work on that." he told him with a pat to his arm. Sammy shrugged as he chanced a look at John. John watched his boys as he told them, "I bought you guys some stuff to keep you entertained until Sammy is back on his feet. It's on the other bed." Both heads swiveled to look at the other bed. Their Dad didn't even buy stuff for Christmas; but this looked like unwrapped Christmas. What the hell? Dean thought silently, Just what was Dad up to? His thoughts headed down suspicious roads. "Why?" Sammy asked looking at John. "Why what?" John asked confused by Sammy's why. "Why all the stuff?" Sammy asked, nodding his head in the direction of the other bed. "Aren't you bored?" John asked in response. "Yeah, when has that…" Sammy stopped in the middle of his sentence and turned red as he looked quickly at Dean. "Normally you don't think about that kind of stuff Dad." Dean jumped in and said. Sammy gave him a small smile of thanks as he laid back down. "Well, maybe I should have been." John said embarrassed because he knew it was the truth. He normally thought about the next case, the next town and the next people he needed to save. Maybe he should have been more worried about saving his own kids. He thought he had been by doing the job. Now he wasn't so sure. TBC |
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9:32 AM Jul 11