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WHEN RETIRED HUSBANDS GET BORED SHOPPING
Topic Started: Aug 22 2008, 06:51 PM (300 Views)
XNavyGunner
Member Avatar
Gunner

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like
most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the
following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel
are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1 June 15:

Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts
when they weren't looking.

2 July 2:

Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals

3 July 7:

Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's
restroom.

4 July 19:

Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3
in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5 August 4:

Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6 August 14:

Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7 August 15:

Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd
invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
department.

8 August 23:

When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9 September 4:

Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while
he picked his nose.

10. September10:

While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk
where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3:

Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the '
Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6:

In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using
different sizes of funnels.

13. October18:

Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK
ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21:

When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal
position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least ...

15. October 23:

Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled
very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

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rhyknow
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Reincarnation of Bubba
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XD that cracked me up!
"L'essentiel, c'est de jouer au Karaoke"

Jaco Pastorius : December 1st, 1951 - September 21st, 1987. R.I.P to the greatest electric bassist ever.

“Don’t hate the media, become the media.” - Jello Biafra
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LarryOldtimer
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The Man!!!
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Shopping with the Mrs. can be such fun. The sales ladies in women's wear can be so helpful, and are anxious to please. I rather liked asking such questions as, "Could this be useful as a two projectile trebuchet?" Another one they just love to answer is, "Can you give me the structural specifications for this device?" Too, there are some really interesting thingys in the woman's section.
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Isis
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The Goddess of Darkness & Desire

OMG this is soooo funny....I can see my husband doing some of the stuff wrote here.... :lmao:
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Isis, The Goddess of Desire & Darkness. In The Darkness, We Find The Light.

This is a Drama Free Zone..!
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XNavyGunner
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Gunner

Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled
very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

I did this today when trying on some new clothes for my best friend's wedding. And yet my wife still claimed me when I came out. :lmao:
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Isis
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The Goddess of Darkness & Desire

I would have claimed you too.... :bat:
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Isis, The Goddess of Desire & Darkness. In The Darkness, We Find The Light.

This is a Drama Free Zone..!
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Mystical
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:lmao: I would be the one doing all of this. I absolutely hate to shop at wal-mart! Eventhough Mystertikal drags me there all the time :wall: Guess I'm different cuz when I shop I go get what I need and get outta the store. I don't get the concept of "Browse"
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