Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome back to The Border!
Quick Links Announcements
| Home | Member's Blogs |

| Enter Chat Room |

| Today's active topics |


You can also see and join us at:

TPB's YouTube Channel ~ Click to Register
The Vampire Lair on Facebook
and
MonsterVisionTV on Facebook

TPB's Quote of the Day!

We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Thanks!
Topic Started: Jan 20 2009, 10:15 PM (263 Views)
XNavyGunner
Member Avatar
Gunner


I just want to thank all my friends and loved ones for the educational
emails over the past year...Because of your warning I live in a zip-lock
plastic bag with clean oxygen piped in after passing through 18 filters
which are replaced each hour.


Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper
towel.


I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last
person was doing while flipping through the channels.


I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has
happened on it since it was last washed.




I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon
peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.




I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the
number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.






Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine
how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.






I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a
public bathroom.






I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope
that needs sealing.


Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)
who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program .


I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.


I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.


Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car
so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.


I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper sinc e the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.


I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.


And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.


I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.


I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.


I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
Qaeda in disguise.


I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.


I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for or which I will get a phone bill with calls to , , and .


I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their
recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my ass.


And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a rapist waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a
friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
cousin's beautician..
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Isis
Member Avatar
The Goddess of Darkness & Desire

OMG how many of those email's have i gotten over the year's.... :lmao:
Posted Image
Posted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted Image
Isis, The Goddess of Desire & Darkness. In The Darkness, We Find The Light.

This is a Drama Free Zone..!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mystical
No Avatar


:lmao: :lmao: Too many to count Isis that is why my delete key is worn out!

Love it XNavy as usual your humor makes me go into uncontrollable laughter! :yahoo: :lmao: :lmao:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Bone Shard
Member Avatar
BoneCollecter
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
If I believed all that stuff I would be dead by now. :hurts:
Posted Image
IF YOU FIND A WANDERING BRAIN IT'S MINE SO PLEASE RETURN IT IN ONE PIECE!
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
StrmySummer
Member Avatar
Storm Goddess

you'd be amazed at the things some people won't do because of this germ or that.....there are some things i won't.....but geez....the way i look at it.....you're gonna get germs no matter what you do, you can't live in a bubble (my sister-in-law won't go to a public restroom if she can help it.....i'm like screw that, if i gotta go, i gotta go) lolol
Posted Image

"Beginning now, let's play more, kiss more, love more, let's be so close that when one of us cries, the other tastes salt."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Enjoy forums? Start your own community for free.
Learn More · Register Now
« Previous Topic · Just For Laughs · Next Topic »
Add Reply

Web Hosting Reviews
Web Hosting Reviews
Skin Created by Xarina of Rapture & Zathyus Networks Resources.
This theme is best viewed in firefox.