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off topic; for dads
Topic Started: Oct 28 2008, 06:04 AM (267 Views)
Posted Image missmod88
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when I was in Dryden last week, a friend of the family has a problem, thought I would check and see what you would do if this was your situation...............

ok here's the scenerio:

your a dad to a beautiful 16 year old girl, who's had some issues with parents over curfew and rules of the house, and had moved out to experience "life" but found it wasn't what she expected, so she moved back home. Dad was very very happy!! his girl is back home and safe!!

the problem is this:
daughter wants to go out and have some fun,, so she has been given a "contract" to sign,, and in it is a curfew on weekends of 1 o'clock, and a few other rules for her to abide by. She has met a young man of 24 years whom she is quite "taken" with, and is interested in this young man,, seems as though this young man also has an interest in the young lady (daughter from above)
as you can see there's a few years between them (quite a lot I'd say) and the parents of both parties are not happy about this arrangement, as the young man likes to party pretty heavy on weekends, and 16 is pretty darn young to be out at functions like this!!!
as a dad, you don't want to push the daughter away by forcing her to do what is "right" so you allow it............... but now there's fear of what's to come of it? the daughter and the young man know the parents aren't happy about it, so now they seem to be secretive.

what would you do as:
1) the parents of the daughter
2) the parents of the young man

Sue
life is just too damn short,, so I try to spend it Living, Loving, Laughing and oh! taking pictures along the way!!

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Posted Image dobber
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as a parent your pretty much screwed, you'll never make the right choice and have happiness in the home.
Being a parent of a good looking 23 yr old woman, who was also a good looking teenager, i lived through it all.
And you want to talk age difference? sheesh thats not bad at all, they are likely on the same maturity level
condescending twat
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Posted Image ricoh
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I am not saying that this is the answer but my daughter was acting pretty much the same way a few years back. There was lots of fighting etc... so I decided to try something different. She came home one nite a little messed up and way past her deadline. She walks in the door and tries to pick a fight. I just sat there and never said a word, just let her rant and finally she says "you just going to sit there? I looked at her and said " you are my daughter and I love you but I just don't care what you do any more. You will be responsible for the consequences of your actions. Don't come to me anymore." It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She looked at me absolutely devastated and started to cry and went to her room. It was as if a lightswitch was turned on. The very next day she was a very different girl. She dedicated herself to school and became my old daughter again. She buckled down and went to college and is now at 25 yrs old making $80,000.00 a year out in Calgary and is an exceptional woman.


Rick
Chevy Trucks, Black Widow bows, Sako rifles and my grandkids.
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ricoh
Oct 28 2008, 07:20 AM
is now at 25 yrs old making $80,000.00 a year out in Calgary and is an exceptional woman.



she single? lol)))
condescending twat
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Posted Image Terrym
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You people scare the hell out of me! I have 2 young daughters and I fear that most of all. The first thing I would do is get her in for a physical and get her on birth control. At his age that guy has only one thing in mind lets face it. My guess is at some point I would take Ricoh's method seeing as its illegal to do what I would do instinctively :readytorock:
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I hope you never have to do it because it will break your heart and you will never get over having to say those words.

Rick
Chevy Trucks, Black Widow bows, Sako rifles and my grandkids.
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ricoh
Oct 28 2008, 06:25 AM
I hope you never have to do it because it will break your heart and you will never get over having to say those words.

Rick

very difficult, yes I imagine it would be,, but I bet if we were to ask your daughter how she felt about it then, and how she feels about it now,, yes, it was probably hard for her as well,, but I'll be willing to be she probably loves you even more for it!

our little miss is only 11 and I sure do hope we don't have to do that rick. :shy:

life is just too damn short,, so I try to spend it Living, Loving, Laughing and oh! taking pictures along the way!!

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Posted Image Terrym
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ricoh
Oct 28 2008, 08:25 AM
I hope you never have to do it because it will break your heart and you will never get over having to say those words.

Rick

As heart wrenching as it must be it was still the right thing and your daughter would agree today. My oldest is only 12 yrs old so my challenges are coming too.
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been through hell and back with our oldest, she finally has settled down and while i might not be in total agreement with her situation, she is happy, safe and being a positive member of society.
My sister once asked me what i would do differently, my answer was "i wish i didn;t know what i know" That would be a harsh statement at best, but i was always there and always had an ear open without being judgemental.
condescending twat
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Posted Image annie oakley
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Something isn't right about a 24 year old man wanting to go out with a little 16 year old girl....if that were me I'd tell him to stay the hell away from my daughter..you know the saying hate me now love me later...well it works...I tell my daughter whom is 15 I'm your parent not your friend..you have lots of those...and when she is older we will be great friends...they need authority in their lives right now I think it's a load off her mind when she realizes that I make that choice not her. I do allow her to make choices to a certain degree after that it's my call. She still calls me Mommy...and I like it...Just my Opinion
<bottomleft><b>AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO HUNT LIKE A GIRL!!</b>


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annie oakley
Oct 28 2008, 07:15 AM
Something isn't right about a 24 year old man wanting to go out with a little 16 year old girl....if that were me I'd tell him to stay the hell away from my daughter..you know the saying hate me now love me later...well it works...I tell my daughter whom is 15 I'm your parent not your friend..you have lots of those...and when she is older we will be great friends...they need authority in their lives right now I think it's a load off her mind when she realizes that I make that choice not her. I do allow her to make choices to a certain degree after that it's my call. She still calls me Mommy...and I like it...Just my Opinion

and very much appreciated!! thanks to all the opinions of the board,, keep them coming,,

it's easy for me to say DO NOT ALLOW IT.. my angel is still young and 11. I know our turn will come... I just thought it would make for an interesting post.

life is just too damn short,, so I try to spend it Living, Loving, Laughing and oh! taking pictures along the way!!

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Shane
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its like being between a rock and a hard spot. Kids now a days dont listen and know everything. They are smarter than us and we know nothing in there eyes. You try and give them advice and tell them something and they do the opposite. You put your foot down and try and make some rules and then your the bad guy. They have to learn the hard way on there own. Usually by the time they realize you were right its to late. Remember its a generation of kids that were raised on play station 2 , internet , satalite tv and cell phones. We tried to give them more than we had as kids and they are spoiled rotten.
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with 3 kids am trying for the best 2 out of 3 deal *L*
condescending twat
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JBen
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As a father of two girls, one of whom is 14 and the other is 11. These kinds of thigns to come are giving me nightmares. My eldest has a heart of gold, want to be friends with the world is going to get hurt one day. My youngest inherited my wife Calebrese blood and my Irish temper...Shes full of piss and and vinegar, knows how t push buttons and is extremely volatile, like Nitro on a horse buggy :)

Shes the one I worry about the most. I almost feel sorry for any guy to tries to woo her.

As parents we have to cut the cord at some point and hope they don't fall too hard when it comes. I beleive that all you can really do is instill in your children good morals.

Both my kids and the girl in question are in their stupid years. We've all been there, most get through them. God knows I was no angel and heading down the wrong road.

Why do some get through the stupid years relatively unscathed and others dont?

I think largely because sooner or later everyone comes to a fork in the road.
You either decide to go left ( trouble,danger, whatever) or you go right.

It might be making the decision to kid in a car with teen friends after a night of drinking. It might be deciding to stay with friends who are about to do something thats way over line. As a parent you cant be there and make the decision for them, all you can do is guide them as they grow up and hope that when push comes to shove, they know when to draw the line.

IF that doesnt work and this continued Id have no so kind words for this 24 yr old boy whos messing with my daughters head and whatever else.

16 yr old girls and I dont care how mature and level headed they are for their age they shouldnt be in that situation no matter how nice the boy might be.

They are at different levels of life , doing different things, have different circles of friends etc. Where he should be thinking about work, getting out on his own. She should be thinking about finishing school.

Take it to the boy if it continues, dont mice words, dont be nice.
Your daughter might hate you for a few months but she'll outgrow it.


Given the chance

J
Just so happens I have pics My Website

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Posted Image Cowtown
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Down here, that young lady is "San Quentin Quail".. Jail bait... That 24yr old is asking for trouble.. Either with the father, or the law... Yeah, take that 24 aside and tell him to get lost.

"calling an 'illegal alien' an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a 'drug dealer' an 'unlicensed pharmacist' "...
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Posted Image dobber
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this hits close to home, my oldest knows this guy and was at his going away party this past summer when he headed West. Just thought this is a great reminder of what could happen and why you need to check what your kids are doing online.

Ontario man charged in abduction investigation involving own son

29/10/2008 6:09:00 PM

THE CANADIAN PRESS
Police have laid charges against an Ontario man in an abduction investigation involving his own son.


On Oct. 1, a 14-year-old girl from Blackstock, Ont., was reported missing to police after meeting a young man on the Internet. The pair were found in Edmonton a few days later.

Tyler White, 22, was arrested and charged with abduction, sexual interference and sexual assault.

Police have now charged his father Steven White, 54, of Stouffville, Ont., with obstruction of justice and accessory after the fact.

Durham police allege he paid for the girl's flight to Alberta and then lied to officers about her whereabouts.
condescending twat
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Sharon
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I foster teens so am regularly dealing with this kind of problem.

Just my experience:

The principles that work for all other ages works for teens.

Make reasonable rules for a 16 year old, and stick to them. Don't wobble on enforcing them.

If the child doesn't co-operate with the few basic rules, take away privileges - money, car, new clothes, computer etc..
A few basic rules - not a list and don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

No big arguments/ discussion - say very little and stick to the rules.

If the teens leaves ( which is her legal right), review the rules and welcome back if she returns. They don't all return. Make it very clear that you love them and they are welcome home if they follow the rules.


Nothing can be done about a 24 year old. It's their choice. perfectly legal to date ( have sex), with a willing 16 year old.( I work at the jail.)
Make sure the child is on birth control and knows about STDs ( Chlamydia, herpes etc.)

In the long run , the child will respect you for fulfilling your role as a parent.

The alternative is an unhappy home in chaos.

Pray for your children.

PS The average age for having sex /using illegal drugs is 12.
" A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor. Give a dog your heart and he'll give you his."
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Posted Image Adrian J Hare
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As a Father of two daughters 18-24 my aproach to this would be,

Sit the young guy down and have a talk. Let him understand that life is important and so is my daughter in my own eyes. Let him know that I do not agree with all nighters and if he is serious about this that he would respect my wishes untill she decides to have her own place. When he sits in my house and see's all the died shit hanging from the walls and the hunting photo's I'm sure he will take a all together different view on this lol))) ...
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Posted Image missmod88
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thanks all for your advice and comments
life is just too damn short,, so I try to spend it Living, Loving, Laughing and oh! taking pictures along the way!!

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