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DO NOT READ THIS FIC; I'M WARNING YOU
Topic Started: May 20 2006, 10:20 PM (274 Views)
Trippy Skippin Tomato
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TOTALLY SEXY GAMER DEMON GOLFER
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DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING FIC, FOR IT IS HORRIBLE.

I WARNED YOU.

ALSO, IT'S NOT FINISHED. I'M JUST USING THIS AS FIC HOLDING SPACE.

HOW DID I EVER BECOME A MOD HERE?

[EDIT]IT IS NOW FINISHED, BUT THE LAST PART IS MORE HORRIBLE THAN THE REST OF IT PUT TOGETHER. BEWARE OF MADE-UP SCIENCE.[/EDIT]

THE TERRIBLE SBK FIGHT FIC

Early morning light poured over the tops of the mountains surrounding a bustling Canadian town. It was here that the finals for the Worldwide Snowboarding Championship were held, and even though the main event had ended the previous day, the festivities still continued and various minor matches were held to keep the fans paying. Before day had even broken, large crowds had climbed out of their warm houses and hotel rooms to stand along the sidelines, transfixed on the extreme sport and it’s extreme contestants. And so the halls of the hotel were empty as Brad exited the elevator onto the third floor.

This was it. Today was the day. Brad pushed out his chest a little as he swaggered down the hotel hallway. Today he was going to ask Nancy out. She wouldn’t refuse him this time; she couldn’t. It had been close, a photo finish even, but yesterday he had beaten Slash and claimed the first place trophy. He was a winner now, the best snowboarder in the world, so she had to accept him now. Looking down at the large box of candy and bouquet of flowers he had bought her, he just knew she wouldn’t turn him away this time. It didn’t matter that she had turned him down a hundred times before. None of that mattered. He was going to take her out for a burger, and maybe hold her hand, and that was final.

The room numbers passed by in a blur as he turned the corner onto her hallway. 361...362...363. He was getting closer, and he could feel his heart pounding. It felt like it was going to leap out his throat and fall on the floor. He could barely contain himself now. 374...375...376. Ten rooms to go. He was sweating. The rim of his ballcap was moist, his short blonde locks were plastered to his head, and he could feel his shirt sticking to his body under his coat. “In a few moments, she’ll be mine” he thought to himself. “Only a few moments.

Ah, there it is. Sweet room 386, Nancy’s room. Brad lifted his hat and wiped the sweat from his brow. No worries, he told himself, no worries at all. “She’s got to take it, she got to go on a date! I’m the best! The best in the world! That’s got to impress her! Yeah, yeah! It’s got to!” Replacing his cap, he straightened himself out, stood as straight as he could, mustered all his courage, and rapped lightly on the door. Waiting a few moments, he heard no answer. He knocked again. Once more, no answer.

“Maybe she’s out? Dammit, wouldn’t that just be my luck? Well, one more time, just in case.”

Knocking a third time and again getting no response, Brad was heartbroken. “She’s probably already left! Dammit, Brad, you’re too late! You should’ve come yesterday! Dammit!” Slouching over, he placed his head against the door and pounded his hand against the door frame. “Stupid, stupid, stupid, Brad! So fucking stupid!” It was then, in that silent moment of self pity, that he heard a noise from the other side of the door. It sounded like a low, uneven moan. He hadn’t heard it when he was a few steps back from the door, but it was fairly clear now that his head was closer. What was it? Maybe the TV? Was she watching TV, and that’s why she didn’t answer? Maybe the fan in the bathroom? In any case, it meant she was in there. Or somebody else was in there! Maybe it was a burglar? Maybe she had been attacked! Brad’s imagination ran away with him as he imagined the various horrible things that could have happened to the light of his life. Fearing for Nancy’s safety, Brad tested the doorhandle, finding it to be unlocked. Nancy always locked the door, Brad should know, he’d followed her to her room enough times to know that. As slowly and silently as he could, Brad opened the door to reveal a scene of total pandemonium.

From where he stood, the room looked to have been trashed a small hurricane. Sheets and pillows from the bed were strewn about the room randomly. Everything on the desk straight ahead of him had been swept off and the contents lay scattered across the carpet. All the lights in the room were off, and in fact, he could see at least two of the room’s desk lamps sitting on the floor among the mess. The muffled sound he had heard outside the door was louder now, and it sounded like labored breathing, possibly desperate panting for breath. Fearing the worst, Brad stepped into the room and crept forward, hoping his fears were unfounded.

They were, for the most part. They were because something much worse than his mind could ever conjure up was going on. Sprawled on the bed around the corner from the room’s short hall lay Slash, riding Nancy like a drunken saloon patron rides a mechanical bull for his next free drink. Nancy’s breath drew in uneven bursts as Slash pounded into her, and they both moaned in obvious pleasure.

“What. The. FUCK?”

Having not noticed Brad at all, Nancy bolted upright at the sound of Brad’s voice, pushing Slash backwards as he tried to turn to see the origin of the voice for himself. Nancy gasped and tried to cover herself as Slash fell to the floor in an unceremonious thump. “Oh my God, Brad, what are you doing! Why are you here?

Brad was completely taken aback. He couldn’t find any more words. His hands went limp, causing him to drop the candy and flowers, and as the realization of what was going on sunk in he felt himself grow weak in the knees. Nancy. Naked. With Slash. Who was also naked. “What the fuck?”

At this point, Slash had recovered and he stood to confront the intruder. “What the hell do you want Brad? Can’t you see we’re busy, asshole? Get out before I get somebody involved. And by somebody, I mean my fist.”

“Nancy...I...Nancy?” Brad was beginning to lose his coherency completely.

“Brad get out! Get out, get out, get out!” Nancy babbled as she scrabbled for something to cover herself with.

“I...date...wanted to ask...hold your hand...”

“I mean it, don’t make me get rough with you, fucker. I’ve taken on guys three times your size back home. Just because I lost some silly snowboarding match to your little rich ass don’t mean shit.”

Snowboarding! Right, the match! Brad’s thoughts clicked again and he straightened up, finding his voice again. He was a winner, dammit. Getting right up in Slash’s face, he started yelling himself. “What the hell are YOU doing here, Slash? You’re just a fucking punk. Skater trash!”

Slash stepped forward and shoved Brad against the wall. “I’m telling you, bitch, get out of here right now, or I’m going to beat that pretty face of yours into fucking pulp.”

“Get the hell out of my way, Slash. I came here to talk to my girl.”

“Your girl? Just who was the one fucking her a second ago, dumbass?”

Having found a sheet to wrap herself in, Nancy stood and pointed her finger to the door. “Brad get OUT. Don’t you get it yet? I DON’T LIKE YOU. I never will. I swear to god, if you don’t leave right now, I will kick your ass. LEAVE.”

“You heard her. Get the fuck out, Brad.”

Brad stood in a stunned silence for a second. His brain could not grasp the words that Nancy had spoken to him. Get out? Don’t like you? He just couldn’t fathom it.

“No, I’m not leaving, Nancy. I love you. I want to be with you forever. I want to...” Brad’s voice stopped abruptly as Slash’s fist connected squarely with his jaw, sending him to the floor. Slash bent over him and grabbed his collar, lifting his head off the ground a few inches before slamming his fist into Brad’s face yet again.

“I told you to get the fuck out, and I meant it. Guess I have to take out the trash personally.”

Brad was reeling from the first blow, and the second blow nearly knocked the sense out of him. Coming around in time to hear Slash’s threat, Brad decided to put his several years of martial arts to use. Lifting his foot up and pressing his sneaker against Slashes’ bare stomach, he rolled onto his shoulder blades and threw Slash over towards the door. Slash landed on his back with a crash, but rolled with the landing and was quickly on his feet, where he made a mad dash for Brad, who was now standing as well. Lowering himself as he advanced, Slash tackled Brad at the chest, sending him back into the edge of the desk. Brad’s head whipped back and slammed against the desktop, while Slash tried to pin him with an elbow. Brad gasped from the pain of the desk edge gouging into his flesh, and Slash managed to get in a pretty fierce punch across the face. Blood was now running from Brad’s nose, and he could taste it as it trickled into his gasping mouth. The fucker drew blood. Playtime was over.

Wrenching himself out from under Slashes’ arm, Brad grabbed the back of his assailant’s head and pulled, using the force to right himself and simultaneously slam Slashes’ face into the desk, sending a steamer of blood across it’s smooth surface. Spinning around, he attempted to pin Slash to the desk, but Slash was much tougher than Brad and managed to shove him off with relative ease. Brad staggered backwards towards the hall, but gained his bearings just in time to sidestep as Slash attempted to tackle him once again.

Slashes’ momentum carried him through the threshold of the room and out into the hotel hallway, where he caught himself on the opposite wall and spun to see Brad approaching from behind. Brad attempted a roundhouse kick, but not being very advanced in the art of kicking, Slash managed to see it coming and caught it. Now holding Brad’s leg in both arms, he pulled him to the floor and landed an elbow drop onto Brad’s gut as he tried to rise, knocking him flat and causing him to cough up blood.

Suddenly, there was a slamming sound from behind. Slash turned to see the door to Nancy’s room closed. Jumping to his feet, he ran to the door, only to find it locked. He banged his fist on the door and yelled out “Hey, I’m still out here! Nancy! Let me in, dammit! What the fuck are you doing?”

*****

Through all of this, Nancy had watched the fight in abject horror. The whole thing had started so suddenly, it took her a few moments to realize what was going on at all. She had just wanted Brad to leave so she could resume her intimate moment with Slash. And then they were beating each other senseless. With the sight of blood, she had become positively turned off, and just wanted to get rid of the both of them. Those two sickened her. Having shouted a few times for them both to leave, she decided neither of the half wits could hear her over their pride, and had simply waited for the two of them to leave the room of their own accord so she could watch some TV and get her mind off this whole mess. After locking the door, she turned to the mess of her room. Not wanting to bother with anything right then, she decided to leave the room as it was. Picking up the box of chocolate Brad had brought her, she wrapped herself tightly in her sheet, found the TV remote on the messy floor, and proceeded to watch a morning talk show about twin lesbian lovers, turning up the volume so as to drown out Slashes’ annoying voice bellowing in from the hallway.

*****

Realization set in for Slash. Nancy wasn’t going to answer the door. Apparently, he didn’t mean anything to her either. Slash pounded on the door even harder. “Hey, you crazy bitch, let me in! My fucking clothes are in there! I will break down this door, you whore! I’ll fuck you up like I did him!”

“Never talk to a lady that way, you bastard.” Brad had gotten his wind back, and was now standing once more. “And especially never talk that way to a woman of such grace and beauty as Nancy.”

“Oh, back up for more, bitch? Just back off, this is between me and her. Just leave before I mess you up even more.” He turned around and banged on the door once more. “Fuck! Stupid cunt; that’s it! I’m kicking this fucking door...”

Slash was unable to finish his sentence as Brad slammed him from behind with a hammer blow to the skull. “What did I just fucking say? You don’t fucking talk to a woman like that. Don’t you have any fucking manners in that street rat skull of yours?”

Slash caught himself before he hit the floor. “Ok, that’s it fucker. I’m going to fuck you up until even your mother won’t recognize you, and them I’m going to break down that door and slap up that whore too!”

Brad, furious at Slashes’ degradation of Nancy, attempted to knee Slash in the face. Slash rose sharply, taking Brad’s knee to his chest. Ignoring the blow, he dealt an uppercut to Brad’s chin, causing him to take several steps back. Slash advanced and swung his fists wildly at Brad’s face, which Brad managed to duck under by a hair. Reaching up and catching Slashes’ arm, he rose and pulled down on the arm, hiking Slash onto his back. Heaving with all his might, Brad catapulted Slash down the hall, sending him skidding across the carpeted floor and into the far wall. Slash lay on the floor for a second to catch his breath, but as he started to get up, all he could see was the sole of Brad’s sneaker as he attempted to drop kick his fallen opponent. Quickly sliding out of the way, Brad’s attack missed him completely, leaving him to smash his foot into the wall full force. Rolling on the floor, Brad screamed obscenities as he clenched his foot in pain. Slash got to his feet and prepared to lay some serious smack down on the cursing Brad, but heard a familiar ‘ping’ sound behind him. Just the side, the double metal doors of an elevator opened. Apparently, when he had been thrown against the wall, he had hit the call button for the elevator at this end of the hall.

The brief distraction was all Brad required, however. Ignoring the pain in his foot, he reached out and grabbed Slashes’ leg, pulling it out from under him. Slash was completely taken by surprise and crashed to the floor with no resistance. Brad’s hands scrabbled for purchase on the wall, and his fingers found a slight railing which he used to right himself. As he rose, he grabbed Slashes’ arm, and pulled it up with him. Brad began to spin around, dragging Slashes’ body around with him, his face burning against the rough carpet. After one rotation, Brad let go of the arm, and Slashes’ body slid into the elevator carriage. Of course, the move was rather sloppy and the combination of pain in his foot and the spinning caused Brad to take a spill himself, tumbling half into the elevator. Slash recovered first and grabbed Brad by the neck, pulling him into the elevator as the doors closed behind them. Raising up Brad’s slack, dizzy body by the neck, he began pounding the back of the young man’s head into the instrument panel. A few seconds later, a soft electronic voice came over the small speaker in the elevator, informing the pair that they were now headed down to the lobby.

As the elevator began to move downwards, Brad managed to come out of his dizzy stupor and mount a defense. Reaching out, he grabbed Slashes’ neck with both hands, attempting to cut off his air so he would let go. The two struggled for a few minutes, Slash still pounding the crap out of the back of Brad’s head, Brad valiantly attempting to crush Slashes’ wind pipe. Suddenly, the electronic voice could be heard once more.

“You are now at the...Lobby. Have a nice day.”

The doors to the elevator opened and Brad threw his weight towards the open doors, attempting to get his head away from the wall. The two struggling pugilists fell through the open doorway and onto the cold marble tile of the lobby.

The room mas mostly empty, as it was still early and most of the people staying at that particular hotel were outside watching the events of the day unfold. But a few bored bellboys lazed about listlessly and a few hotel patrons not yet willing to brave the cold outside sat drinking coffee in the nearby lounge area. Every single one of them turned as Brad and Slash tumbled out of the elevator, locked in mortal combat. And every single one stared, unable to look away as the blood-smeared teens rolled across the floor, attempting to strangle the life out of each other. It didn’t help that Slash was naked, either.

After a about a minute, neither of the two showed signs of giving up. They did, however, show signs of going blue in the face. Several busboys ran over to the fighting duo, and attempted to wrestle their arms from each other’s throats. Annoyed at the disturbance, both Slash and Brad momentarily lost interest in each other, and decided to give the annoying busboys their what for. Letting go of each other, they became a flurry of kicks and punches, sending the whole lot of them sailing back in all directions. Not one of them dared to intervene again, choosing instead to back far away from the fighters.

Now that they were dealt with, it was back to business. Facing off, the two circled around one another like hawks, waiting for the other to drop his guard for just a second. On their second go around, Brad noticed a full luggage cart standing just behind Slash, and he decided he would go for it when he circled again. A couple of steps later, and he was in front of it himself. Feinting a jab to the chin, he darted backwards as Slash raised his hands to counter the blow. Grabbing hold of the cart, he spun it around and drove it at Slash in a frenzy. Slash braced himself in time, managing to stop the cart’s advance, but Brad anticipated and pushed the cart high, toppling it’s cargo all over Slash. For a minute, the pile of luggage didn’t move. Brad took off his cap and wiped the sweat from his brow, also taking the time to wipe the blood from his nose and sides of his mouth.

“Like I said. Don’t talk to a lady like that, fucker.”

Deftly replacing his cap, he straightened his coat and began to leave. But just out of the corner of his eye, he spotted movement. Whipping back around, he saw Slash burst out form under the massive pile of luggage, seething with fury.

“What’d you say, bitch? Fucker, think you’ve won? Then have your fucking prize!”

Hefting a large piece of luggage up over his head, Slash heaved it at Brad. Brad raised his arms to fend off the parcel, but it was far too heavy. It slammed into his chest full force, knocking him over, and a loud cracking sound could be heard as several ribs broke upon his landing. Slash hefted another heavy piece of luggage, and dragged it over to Brad’s prone form. Slash stood over Brad, grinning.

“What’s that? Want another you say? Well today’s your lucky fucking day.”

Lifting the bag over his head, Slash brought it down with all his strength, straight on top of the other bag. A loud crack echoed through the now silent room as several of Brad’s ribs broke from the impact.

“So stay the fuck out of my face, bitch, or I’ll make it luckier.”

Slash began to walk back towards the elevators when he heard a sound from outside. It was a gunshot that signaled the start of a snowboarding race. He raised his head and looked out the great bay window to his left, and shuffled over to give himself a better view. The Hotel was situated next to the racing slope, and in fact the now-frozen pool was an ice hazard. The losers from the main tournament yesterday would likely be passing by any minute now. Looking down the mountain a bit, Slash could make out the bright colors of the finish line, flapping in the bitter wind outside.

This finish line. The line he had crossed only a split moment after Brad had. Fucking Brad. The photograph taken at the finish line proved that he had crossed first. Fucking photograph. It was all a bunch of bullshit. He should have won. He was the better boarder, he was better at everything then that fucking loser Brad. Why did he deserve to win...?

Slashes’ train of thought was interrupted by a sudden impact against his lower back. Brad had somehow regained his feet and had landed a running tackle while Slash had his back turned. There was no time to react at all, as both young men tumbled forward, smashing through the glass window and slamming hard into the snow outside. Slash fell in face first into the freezing precipitate, and his body was shocked by it’s chill.

“How do you like that, fuckwad? Thought I was down and out? Well I’m going to show you just how much I’ve got left, bitch!”

Straddled on Slash’s back, Brad began slamming his fists into the back of his opponent’s skull, packing Slashes’ face firmly into the snow. Slash, stunned from the sudden lack of heat, couldn’t find a way to defend himself as he took the savage beating. He wriggled fiercely to dislodge Brad from his back, but to no avail. After a few moments, he gathered all his strength and pushed upwards, lifting himself and Brad upwards from the ground, causing Brad to tumble off and fall into the snow himself. Slash stood and quickly gained his bearings, noticing two snow boards stuck in the snow several feet ahead, near the hotel’s restaurant entrance. Darting for them, Brad was quickly hot on his heels. Slash, having the head start, managed to reach the boards first, and ripped the nearest one out of the ground, bringing it around full force and slamming it directly into Brad’s face and sending a stream of blood across the snow. Pulling the board back around, Slash ran towards the hillside and threw the board to the ground, leaping up and landing on it with practiced ease, and began his way down the Triple Diamond slope. Brad wiped the blood from his nose and rose, grabbing the other board and himself running and mounting his board.

“Bitch thinks he can beat me with a head start, huh? I guess I’ll have to beat him again and take his pansy ass down a few more notches.”

Slash had gained a good bit of speed, and was quite a distance ahead by the time Brad had managed to get on his way. There was still a ways to go to the finish line, and Brad knew just what he had to do to win this. Crouching low to gain some speed, Brad unbuttoned his jacket and let it flap in the wind to get air resistance. Slash looked over his shoulder and saw Brad with his jacket open, and grimaced. Crouching low himself, he looked desperately for a good ramp or hill ahead to mount a defense.

The air around Brad was heating up, and that was all he needed. Brad summoned up all that he had learned of battle snow boarding in the mountains back home, spread his arms out and willed the air to heat. The combination of his rising body temperature and the heat of the air particles around him built up and expanded, and Brad followed through like a pro. Pushing the heat out from his body and to his hands, his gloves burst into flame, and he rose to steady himself for the throw. Taking careful aim, he threw both fireballs at Slash before quickly zipping his coat back up and trying to regain some speed.

Slash looked over his shoulder once more to see the balls of fire racing towards him. “Fucking DICK!” he shouted, desperately looking for a proper jump nearby. But this was a slalom run, with no hills or moguls in sight. He was going to have to outrace the fireballs, or...

“Haha, fuck you Brad. Stupid ass forgot about...this!”

Slash bent his knees as far as he could and sprang upwards like a rabbit filled with helium. Twisting his body as far as he could, he unwound and began spinning in the air, and began a 360 that would go into the record books. He spun around in the air like a turbine, whipping around so violently that the air around him became visible like a tornado. The fireballs crashed into the violent storm of man and board, but the heat was quickly absorbed into the storm of air and they quickly dissipated. Coming down from his great jump, Slash managed to halt his spinning and landed with a thump against the packed snow.

“Haha FUCK you Brad. Your bullshit little fuckballs can’t even touch my shit! What a fuckin’ loser!”

“Whatever bitch. Little slow on the uptake, I see?”

Slash heard the sound of Brad’s voice too close for comfort, and looked to his right just in time to see a charred, gloved fist coming directly at his face. Just barely reacting, he ducked and the blow glanced over his head, cracking Slashes’ head back.

“What the fuck?”

“Stupid fuck. Your little prissy spinning trick slows you down like an old lady. Thanks for letting me past, punkass.”

“You son of a bitch!” Slash screamed as he threw his own punch at Brad, who anticipated it and caught it with his hands. Grasping Slashes’ hand and pulling with all his might, Slash slid forwards and tumbled to the ground, but caught himself with his hands and managed to right himself, but not before Brad has slid a few feet ahead. The finish line was now only yards ahead of them, there wasn’t enough time to catch up or mount an offense of any kind.

“FUCK!”

Both racers crouched down and tried to gain as much speed as they could in the last few moments. With his naked body providing less air resistance, Slash inched closer and closer to Brad, and in the last moment reached out and grabbed the tail of Brad’s jacket, pulling himself forwards just as the pair crossed the line.

Thousands of onlookers stood in silence as two people who were decidedly not at the start of the race (and one of which was stark naked) pulled into the stopping zone for the race. There was a stunned silence as the photo finish was proudly displayed via computer on the Jumbotron, proudly displaying Slash, who was closer to the camera, in all his glory. All eyes looked on as both racers failed to properly stop and crashed into the winner’s stand, Slash tumbling onto the top level, and Brad onto the second.

The announcer felt obliged to speak.

“And it’s a photo finish? We have...a tie? A perfect tie!”

There was much confused cheering.

******

Early the next morning, Nancy walked down the hallway of the hotel, dressed in her sluttiest dress. She figured it was only right to try and set things straight with Slash, he had given her quite the wild ride and she had just thrown him out. And she needed to get rid of his filthy clothes. Seriously, you’d think if you were about to go make love to someone you’d at least put on something nicer than what you’d been wearing all day snowboarding!

Passing the doors on the fourth floor, she counted them down, trying to find the right room number. 456, 457, 458. Almost there. She gripped the bag with his clothes in it tightly. Since he didn’t have his clothes, Nancy wondered if he’d answer the door nude. She hoped so, it would make it easier to get inside and have some more fun. She knew he’d forgive her for yesterday, he was too horny not to. 472, 473, 474! That was it, room 474. She rapped on the door and waited for a response, but none came. Again, she leaned in and rapped her knuckles ever so delicately on the door, but again there came no response from the other side. She knew he had to be in there, it was too early for Slash to be up and about, and she knew full well he was going to be staying here for another week or two.

Reaching down and grasping the door handle, she twisted it and found the door to be open. Pushing the door in, she could hear a muffled sound coming from inside the room.

“What is that sound? Don’t tell me he’s...he’s masturbating? What a disgusting pig. He knows I’m right here in the building!”

But then she listened a bit closer, and noticed there were decidedly two different sets of rhythmic breathing coming from the next room.

“That BASTARD. He’s with ANOTHER WOMAN? I bet it’s that fucking bitch Koyuki. I’ll kill them both! And I’ll cut off his fucking dick too!”

Nancy stormed down the short hall and turned to give Slash a piece of her mind. She opened her mouth as she turned, but no sound managed to come out. Slash was kneeling on the bed, thrusting into another person on their hands and knees. But that wasn’t Koyuki. No, it most certainly wasn’t Koyuki.

“BRAD!?”
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hostilecrayon
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In Repair
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Heh heh heh, that's awesome. Crazy, but not horrible, lol. They gonna kill each other? ^.^;;
Marci: What is the world coming to? You've become me, Xantar's become Slappy...

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Dragon: I bet Xantar is like the ultimate designated driver
Dragon: drops off all his drunk buddies at each other's ex-girlfriends' houses


Mystic Gohan: xantar has had his lasting effects on our easily influenced minds
Mystic Gohan: hes probably at home cackling as we speak


Me: Xantar never really talks unless you talk to him first.
Marci: And that will hold until he makes the first move. I've learned. Don't ever go into a Xantar conversation blind.
It's like going swimming naked. You make sure there aren't any sharks nearby and that you don't have any open wounds first.


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