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Gems in shabby cases; Good games, bad box art
Topic Started: Jul 19 2009, 08:54 AM (163 Views)
Crazy the Clown
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Have you ever heard the saying, "You can't judge a book by its cover?" Well, it's true for games, as well. While the box art designers had no idea what they were doing, the programmers more than made up for that. Here are a few such examples.

Ironsword-Wizards & Warriors II. (NES)
Right about now, I'm sure that nobody, save Peg Bundy-like housewives who like to spend some of their spare time reading cheesy romance novels, gives a rat's ass about Fabio, yet, for some weird reason, Acclaim thought that they should photograph him swinging a sword. Seriously, what the fuck were they thinking? At least the game looked (and played) pretty good.

Phalanx. (SNES)
A space craft flying past a Denver Pyle look-alike with a shocked look on his face just looks and sounds confusing. He looked like he was minding his own business, playing his banjo, then all of a sudden, *ZOOOOM!!!* I was about to rent this game one time, and a friend of mine said, "Dude, I think this game's about old farts getting stoned and seeing imaginary rocket ships. We could see that when my dad smokes his medicinal marijuana." It wasn't until recently that I gave this game a try, and I'm sorry I didn't rent it, earlier.

The Guardian Legend. (NES)
A great game by Compile, ruined by Broderbund. If you don't believe me, check out the American cover. It has a cool picture of a pair of eyes on red skin with fire dancing over the planet's surface, with a yellow background underneath. While it did look pretty good, in my opinion, it certainly didn't do the game justice. And while you may fight monsters with many eyes in the game, at no point in the game do you confront eyes that look anything like that.

Any you can think of?
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Sgraff
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River City Ransom Ex (GBA)

http://www.gametab.com/images/ss/gba/2802/box-l.jpg

I do not know who they hired or why. This is just terrible art and not in the cheesy Megaman retro style. This is more like terrible middle school anime-imitation bad. Seeing they are all wearing chinese outfits instead of japanese school uniforms show that the artist did not even look up the game either.

Another thing that gets me is how they slap "From the creators of Double Dragon" onto it. I suppose this is to sell the game beyond what the terrible cover does. But really, what kids know of Double Dragon these days? And the people who were old enough to know DD, most likely knew of the original River City Ransom.

Even if it is not accurate, they should have saved their time and money of hiring a crappy new artist and just used the original NES cover and slapped "EX" onto the title. Sure they are shown as american punks but it looks a hell lot better than this.
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Dire 51
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I always leave when the talk gets philosophical.
Edgecrusher
Sgraff,Jul 19 2009
10:40 AM
River City Ransom Ex (GBA)

http://www.gametab.com/images/ss/gba/2802/box-l.jpg

I do not know who they hired or why. This is just terrible art and not in the cheesy Megaman retro style. This is more like terrible middle school anime-imitation bad. Seeing they are all wearing chinese outfits instead of japanese school uniforms show that the artist did not even look up the game either.

Another thing that gets me is how they slap "From the creators of Double Dragon" onto it. I suppose this is to sell the game beyond what the terrible cover does. But really, what kids know of Double Dragon these days? And the people who were old enough to know DD, most likely knew of the original River City Ransom.

Even if it is not accurate, they should have saved their time and money of hiring a crappy new artist and just used the original NES cover and slapped "EX" onto the title. Sure they are shown as american punks but it looks a hell lot better than this.

Notice how they also felt the need to put River City Ransom on the cover twice.

Crazy
 
Ironsword-Wizards & Warriors II. (NES)
Right about now, I'm sure that nobody, save Peg Bundy-like housewives who like to spend some of their spare time reading cheesy romance novels, gives a rat's ass about Fabio, yet, for some weird reason, Acclaim thought that they should photograph him swinging a sword. Seriously, what the fuck were they thinking? At least the game looked (and played) pretty good.

A truly legendary cover, for all the wrong reasons.

Quote:
 
Phalanx. (SNES)
A space craft flying past a Denver Pyle look-alike with a shocked look on his face just looks and sounds confusing. He looked like he was minding his own business, playing his banjo, then all of a sudden, *ZOOOOM!!!* I was about to rent this game one time, and a friend of mine said, "Dude, I think this game's about old farts getting stoned and seeing imaginary rocket ships. We could see that when my dad smokes his medicinal marijuana." It wasn't until recently that I gave this game a try, and I'm sorry I didn't rent it, earlier.

Why would you rent it with shitty, not at all related cover art?

Quote:
 
The Guardian Legend. (NES)
A great game by Compile, ruined by Broderbund. If you don't believe me, check out the American cover. It has a cool picture of a pair of eyes on red skin with fire dancing over the planet's surface, with a yellow background underneath. While it did look pretty good, in my opinion, it certainly didn't do the game justice. And while you may fight monsters with many eyes in the game, at no point in the game do you confront eyes that look anything like that.

I've had a chance to study this one again in detail, and yeah... it gives you no clue as to what the game is about.

Also, check this out: http://www.kidfenris.com/astyanaxcover.html

That's the first one. He's got a bunch more listed, including The Guardian Legend.
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Dual
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Wow, that River City Ransom cover is seriously awful looking, usually Atlus does a really good job in terms of fanservice, too.
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Sgraff
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Speaking of which, I have to wonder why the cover to Bomberman has Bomber King on it. Also a few games with female leads, have male leads on the cover (the titles escape me at this time).

http://www.coverbrowser.com/image/nes-games/116-1.jpg
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Crazy the Clown
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A few more that I thought of:

Karnaaj Rally (GBA)
The game, itself, is pretty good, but the box art is inexcusably bad. It's so bad, that for a little while, professional humorist/game masochist Seanbaby refused to play it, and gave a review on the box art, instead. Then again, with a blue-haired gargoyle man who looks like he got kicked in the nuts at 2000 psi with a size-12 Wolverine workboot standing near a hot pink car on a checkerboard background, I'm sure that a few gamers actually WERE turned off to the idea. Fortunately, though, you can probably get a copy from GameStop or Play-N-Trade without the godawful box art, and just enjoy the racing.

The Legend of Zelda (NES)
All it really is is a coat of arms on a bland, goldish background. But this game, the one that started it all, has proven that box art means nothing, and the game means everything. The game was good for many hours of entertainment, and with 2 quests, the added challenge and tougher foes give this one its well-deserved replay value.

Mega Man (NES)
The first in the series has the box art that's worst in the series. In it, Mega Man looks like a homely human being in a blue and yellow jump suit carrying a Buck Rogers pistol. Fortunately, the game was a hell of a lot better than the box art. Mega Man 2 was a slight improvement, as it actually showed him facing off against a robot master. The release of Mega Man 3 got it right, showing Mega Man at his finest.
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Dire 51
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Edgecrusher
Crazy the Clown,Jul 19 2009
05:43 PM
In it, Mega Man looks like a homely human being in a blue and yellow jump suit carrying a Buck Rogers pistol.

He also seems to be doing the "cabbage patch".
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sotenga
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Dire 51,Jul 19 2009
05:49 PM
Crazy the Clown,Jul 19 2009
05:43 PM
In it, Mega Man looks like a homely human being in a blue and yellow jump suit carrying a Buck Rogers pistol.

He also seems to be doing the "cabbage patch".

Totally relevant:

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Dire 51
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Edgecrusher
Yes, extremely relevant. :lol
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themadmonk
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A roll of the dice. A flip of the coin. A turn... of the Wheel.
Mooninites
And if you look at the cover art carefully, he isn't even holding the gun right.
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DestronPrime
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ROLLING KOPPU KICK!
Aahahahha, I love that cover.
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Crazy the Clown
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A few more just came to mind.

Trouble Shooter (Genesis)
Nothing on the box art says, "Hey! Buy me!" All it is is two modestly hot women who are either floating in mid-air or have been hit by the same beam responsible for the 50-Foot Woman, all the while being shot at with lasers by green airplanes, and even the city looks like hell. But open the box, plug the cart into your Genesis, and you have a pretty good anime-style Forgotten Worlds clone.

Donkey Kong (Atari 2600, Mexico)
Wow, did Mexico's box-art wizards royally fuck that one up. They weren't even close to capturing Donkey Kong. First of all, I know Mario's always been popular with children, but I can't recall a single point in time when he dressed as a clown. You read this right. He's a clown on this cover. Maybe Mr. Do! got lost on his way to a photo shoot for his game, Mario was running a little late, and the camera man said, "Fuck it. I'm on a tight schedule. Mr. Do!, get over here for a minute." Also, there were no orange and blue mutants with spiral horns in the game, last I checked. If you think I'm just kidding about how badly they fucked up with this one, take a look, for Christ's sake!

Pretty much any game for the Sega Master System.
White grid, same font on just about every game, many of them had badly-drawn pictures, and some just showed a picture of a human hand holding a game card. It's like they didn't even try. It's like they didn't even give a shit. This may be purely speculation on my part, but I'm willing to bet that this is why the Sega Master System bombed in America.
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Dire 51
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I always leave when the talk gets philosophical.
Edgecrusher
Crazy the Clown,Jul 21 2009
08:04 AM
Pretty much any game for the Sega Master System.
White grid, same font on just about every game, many of them had badly-drawn pictures, and some just showed a picture of a human hand holding a game card. It's like they didn't even try. It's like they didn't even give a shit. This may be purely speculation on my part, but I'm willing to bet that this is why the Sega Master System bombed in America.

It certainly didn't help, that's for sure. The Pro Wrestling cover in particular is horrible.
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Rodrigo Shin
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I don't know if it's because I've aged and shit, but I had a hard time believing this was the actual boxart. I only came to know the game through emulation.

"But hey Rodster, this game being originally from Japan, could it be they got it right there a la Mega Man?"

Well...

Posted Image

Now it's basically "Bruce Willis' Blade Runner". For what it's worth, the game's attempt of a plot (seriously. Its action is good. The graphics are a little above average. The package delivers. But stop trying to embelish the plot. This comes from a man who acknowledges the outlandishness that is the purpouted story for Ninja Gaiden 3 but doesn't think it needs to be burned at the stake or whatever) takes some cues from it, regardless of the fact it hardly makes a lot of sense.

But aside from that, you have the same style of cinematics that helped the NG series stand out in the wave of NES platformers, and pretty tight action in the same vein of the series. As an action game, I think oldschoolers would be pretty satisfied with it.
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Sgraff
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Now I am not a huge Strider fan, nothing against it. I just never really played much of the series. But I know one thing. This is not strider. Who is this guy and how did he make the cover?

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Dire 51
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I always leave when the talk gets philosophical.
Edgecrusher
What happened is that Sega originally planned to use that for a much-hyped crossover game, but when the rights negotiations fell through, they slapped the artwork onto Strider. Here's the original prototype box:

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