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Mark Henry Attempt
Topic Started: Mar 17 2011, 12:59 AM (547 Views)
Andrew

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'Somebodies Gonna Get It' plays throughout the arena as Mark Henry comes from behind the curtain. Henry walks down the entrance ramp looking straight ahead, ignoring the crowd as he steps up the steel steps before taking a few steps against the apron before stepping into the ring.

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The Silverback Mark Henry;

I suggest y'all listen for a moment, I don't care if you guys have been in the business from the beginning or not. Soon enough there's gonna be chaos, soon enough all of you people will run away in fear. That's exactly right, Mark Henry 'The Silverback' is comin' to UWA. I've tuned in to watch a couple shows and I am far from impressed, you've got a bunch of loudmouths, a bunch of people who think they have what it takes to be a champion. Well I tell you, you're all useless punks 'cos once you step into the ring with the 'World's Strongest Man', you've got no hope. No hope at all, guaranteed!

I'm a wild beast, I'm unstoppable and for every person that risks comin' in the ring facin' me, they're putting their life on the line 'cos I'm gonna hurt somebody and trust me on this 'ere, nobody... and I mean nobody can stop me at all. So... What I'm gonna do is, shut me mouth and wait for an opponent to come out 'ere and challenge me to a match.
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UWA Christian 0-0-0
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STP
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Really? Reaaaaaaaaally?
Well it sounds like an angry black guy. Whoopieeeeeee~

You lack detail in your trash talks and variety. I'm speaking from a creative writing standpoint which is what this is I suppose. I wouldn't recommend playing him.
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DOM
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DOM is ADMIN
You're too generic with majority of the characters you play. You don't mix it up. Your comebacks and insults all sound the same. Adding an accent with characters doesn't help.

Plus, you over do the catch phrases. I remember one of your MVP trash talks you used all of his nicknames in one sentence. Save some. There's more to a good promo than simply coming out, playing to the crowd, talking yourself up and insulting the opponent. There's an art to it.
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STP
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Really? Reaaaaaaaaally?
I wanted to post this just to say I completely agree with DOM. The End.
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Andrew

Thanks for feedback, so what kind of stuff should I improve on.

Like what should I have said instead or? Just so I know.
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UWA Christian 0-0-0
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STP
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Really? Reaaaaaaaaally?
"You lack detail in your trash talks and variety." Me

"You're too generic with majority of the characters you play. You don't mix it up. Your comebacks and insults all sound the same. Adding an accent with characters doesn't help.

Plus, you over do the catch phrases. I remember one of your MVP trash talks you used all of his nicknames in one sentence. Save some. There's more to a good promo than simply coming out, playing to the crowd, talking yourself up and insulting the opponent. There's an art to it." -DOM

Thats what you need to improve on. Not being as bland and boring and generic. Not using every catchphrase at the same time. Also reread those quotes for anything I missed
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Chris Dresden
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It's not the worst thing I've ever read, and I could actually hear Mark Henry saying these things, but the use of "ere" instead of "here" and saying "shut me mouth" instead of "shut my mouth" are confusing and out of place as Mark Henry's far from accented.

It doesn't lack substance, but there's a lack of justification. Mark shoots the roster down as unimpressive and threatens physical harm, but doesn't really explain why he thinks he's more impressive than they are and doesn't clarify what he feels he'll add to the show.

Also, even though he's known as the "World's Strongest Man", you began with a self-reference as the "Silverback" and even prefixed his name with the "Silverback". Use of multiple names is okay for a charismatic character like Austin or HBK, etc. but Henry's kind of one-dimensional so one name would do.
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UWA Voltage's Sting
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Tomo

Is actually meant to be a serious Attempt of playing someone or you just hoping throwing in a few nicknames and catchphrases in there and hopin' they make enough sense it'll pass off as a TT?

That's about it, you throw randomly pieces of shit together and hope they make sense when they don't.
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Look out Bitches... EffectsofRaven has got Raven back...

Welcome to the Masquerade of Terror!
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STP
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Really? Reaaaaaaaaally?
Andrew should have taken Mark Henry instead of Trikki douche
Edited by STP, Mar 23 2011, 10:43 PM.
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Andrew

I don't get why you guys constantly hate on me for who I pick in feds. All you do is complain about how I fed and such.
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UWA Christian 0-0-0
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STP
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Really? Reaaaaaaaaally?
All you do is complain when you lose after you choose them.
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