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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 1 2011, 10:21 PM (25,585 Views) | |
| JBRam | Jun 9 2013, 09:49 AM Post #721 |
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Don't play with fire, kids.
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I also had a three-year long distance relationship with wifey before we got married. Every relationship has its issues, and a long-distance relationship can exacerbate some of the normal ones: not spending enough time together, not knowing what the other person is doing, worrying about things you shouldn't really worry about in a relationship... One thing that kept us going was phone calls. Since I was at college, I had to walk about ten minutes or so between classes. Talking to your significant other for those ten minutes is beneficial to both sides. I think the actual *talking* aspect is important too. Not texting, IMing... not saying things that mean nothing. Actually converse with the other person about everything. It builds up that essential trust component. As I said, every relationship has troubles. People are quick to blame the long distance for their break ups, but in reality, it all boils down to the two people. How much effort are they willing to put into making the relationship work? How much trust are you going to put in your partner? How do you show yourself trustworthy? I think in a long-distance relationship, every little white lie (Oh, I'm too tired to talk right now, so I'm going to bed) magnifies exponentially. Be honest, work hard at the relationship, and realize it isn't a 50-50 thing. Both sides need to give 100%. |
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| S. E. Lehcar | Jun 9 2013, 01:37 PM Post #722 |
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Let's become someone else. Perhaps with more depth of character.
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I'd like some advice on the "wanting men I can't have" front. There's a guy I'm interested in for many reasons as his personality, his intelligence and his appearance are all exceedingly close to my "type," and as he makes a good friend, I feel often that my feeling are definitely deeper than a crush. However, he all ready has a girlfriend whom he had to make a lot of effort in courting. I'm not entirely sure what to do with my unrequitable feelings, or at times how to approach our current relationship. Sure I generally won't be seeing much of him during this summer, but still, there are times where distance makes the heart grow fonder, or in my case the mind, as mine is among the "volatile" typing, having taken a long time to truly desire such companionship, and not allowing it self to rest now that it is in such a phase. |
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| Giga | Jun 9 2013, 03:52 PM Post #723 |
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♌
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Reading this thread, I feel... hollow. Enough to actually start crying out of sadness. I've never had much experience with love. I tried multiple times during elementary, and each time amounted to nothing, and I learned next to nothing from it. I even accidentally stalked a girl once, meeting her after she got off a bus on the way home. I wanted to hear from her mouth that she didn't want me around, but she didn't want to hurt me that way, and tried to get other people to say it for her, which I wouldn't accept. Eventually she changed the way she went home, and I stopped going, since I didn't know where to look. Going into high school I was still completely blind to who even wanted to be my friend or not. The kids I had to take classes with weren't the kind of people I'd want to be friends with, and I wasn't that social to begin with either. I can think of three, maybe four girls who probably would've dated me. Now, I'm 21. I have no friends offline, nor do I have a way I can think of to make any other than going to work, which I'm not doing at the moment. I've tried online relationships three times before - the first one we were both far to young, the second I had no idea what I was doing and ignored the girl for a week directly after starting the relationship, and the third I'm not even convinced was actually a thing. I've seen the "nobody is unlovable" quote in this thread. I have familial love. I have a parent that cares for me, and wants to see me happy. My mom would be the stepmother from hell if she thought she needed to be. I have a brother. He's kinda just there. If people talk shit about him to me, I'll give them shit, because he's family. But I'm just as guilty of not thinking he's that great a person. He helped me out a lot during elementary school, apparently, but I never actually was around when he did it, so I can't say for sure whether that's the truth. However, I don't have the kind of love I feel I need, emotionally. I don't mean to take attention away from the "unobtainable men" discussion, but I felt like I should get this out of my system. Not sure what kind of response I expect for this post. Leh, I would say that the best thing to do right now for you is to wait. Wish him the best in his current relationship, and be there for him if it doesn't work out. If nothing else, that's part of what friends are for. ...Then again, I don't know how to be a proper friend, so take my advice with a grain of salt. |
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| NakaTeleeli | Jun 9 2013, 05:24 PM Post #724 |
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Naka the Honeywhite
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@SELehcar The most important advice I can give is to leave him be. Do not interfere with his relationship. Let him do as he wants to. Also, in interacting with him, question what you're doing because he is your friend and what you are doing because you like him. If you find yourself making a decision because you like him, step back and instead try to think about it from a friend's perspective. This is exceedingly hard to do, but he's taken. You have to move on. Think about other people, pursue other people. If he and her break up then and only then can you consider pursuing him again. Do not count on this day coming. It's hard and not nice, but you've got to take your focus off of him. @Giga To be honest I don't have a huge number of friends, myself. Most are online. I've got 1-2 friends offline, and just a handful online. This is sort of the norm for antisocial people, so don't worry there. As far as a relationship goes what's most important is what both you and the other want. To the second relationship, if you forgot about her that doesn't make you bad at relationships, that just tells me you didn't really want it in the first place. When you find someone you really care about you will WANT to spend every waking second with her, and hopefully she'll want the same. If she doesn't, perhaps she's the one who doesn't want it, and that's fine. She gos her own way and you go yours, hopefully to one day find someone who does feel that way back. I'm going to be honest I'm terrible at getting into relationships. In my life I've had... six, counting the one I'm in now. Of those two of them simply weren't going to work from the start. It didn't take long for us to figure out it wasn't meant to be. Another was obvious neither of us really wanted the relationship. It was long distance, and we hardly ever talked. When it ended it really didn't feel like much changed. The others went years before ending (not counting the one I'm currently in, of course). So anything can happen. However, of these relationships, I've met three girls in highschool, one in college, and two online, my current included. You can find someone anywhere, you've just got to keep your eyes open. Expand your horizons as well. If you only ever look in the same place you'll only ever see the same people. If you want to meet someone, you've got to look somewhere where you can meet new people. |
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| Giga | Jun 9 2013, 08:10 PM Post #725 |
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♌
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That... actually takes a lot of the weight off my chest. I'm gonna take a serious thought about the ones I've been in so far. I'm pretty sure other than the first, I was swept up without really knowing what happened. There's one online relationship I hadn't mentionned, but it was a sort of unrequitted/bromance kind of thing. Doesn't count in my opinion, since we were still friends for a long time after that phase had ended, as if it hadn't even happened. ...Huh. I guess I don't give that much of a shit. Maybe I can read sappy sites like this without feeling horrible about myself now. ...Rahnku ahp? I guess it's a mood sort of thing. Thank you, Naka. |
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| Gaia | Jun 9 2013, 08:46 PM Post #726 |
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The Embodiment of Earth
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The fact that my ex-girlfriend apparently didn't want it was actually the thought that helped me get over it, strangely. She broke up with me rather suddenly, really... I'm still kind of peeved, but not enough that I won't move on. I had really wanted this relationship, but eh... Highschoolers know much less than adults what we want, so we're more likely to rush into things. The memories are still there, and I'll be honest, I'm still fond of many of them... But the romantic spark towards her died off a few days ago. The fact that she let the relationship die so suddenly after two months is a bit disconcerting... As is the fact that she's been essentially avoiding me. I mean... We've spoken, but conversations become sort of robotic and monotone very shortly and die soon after. And that has been rarely. I've given up on her romantically, but I still hold a feeling of caring for her, and I'd like to be friends... She's making that rather difficult for me, though I do understand as it's only been 2 weeks. In the future, I'd really like to meet someone who's willing to make the same commitment I am to our relationship. Someone who takes my caring into consideration and wants to care back, rather than have me care and then do nothing to return it, thus leaving me standing in the rain, waiting. I'd also like to meet someone who would actually like to TALK with me, rather than merely text me, since I feel like communication is a big thing... And yet, I haven't really met someone like that yet. That last relationship boiled down to texts. Entirely texts. In the beginning, we actually spoke a lot, but texting just sort of dominated the whole thing... Anyways, I'm searching. When I find that person? Who knows. I don't expect to find her soon. If she was easy to find, well... Where's the challenge? Half the fun of being with someone was the search for them in the first place, no? I'm not expecting someone to fall into my arms. I'll probably have to meet a few people before I find someone who cares for me back in the same way I care for them. |
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| Wool | Jun 9 2013, 09:41 PM Post #727 |
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Triggers.
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Speaking of long distance relationships, my ex is in one right now. ;_; |
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| Minmin-Sama | Jun 10 2013, 09:18 PM Post #728 |
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BUNNY ON DA ROOOOF
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I could not have said this better, Mr. Teleeli! Many people here on the forums know I've been with my fiance (sadly at long distance ;~; ) for a bit over three and a half years now. It's incredibly difficult to not get bored with one another, especially since at one point we were almost literally the same person. I've had people tell me they wonder how we can be so close without being physically close, and while it's difficult for me to explain in full, it has more to do with our mutual desire to be together in the long run than anything else. Even with this newer... flame of mine, I still want to be happy with my fiance, and I'm striving for that more than anything else right now (well... moreso now due to having nothing to do over the summer! more time to annoy him! xD <3) but it hurts more when you feel like that person doesn't... feel the same way. Questions are not things I enjoy having, and uncertainty isn't something I enjoy feeling. But! Please don't let me get you down or turn you away from trying a long distance relationship! If you love someone you've met online or who has moved away, please don't let that sour your feelings! Go for broke! Follow your heart! Forgive me for using this annoying and incredibly tired phrase, but you only live once, so grab life by her horns and when she cuts you (or guts you, as she's wont to do! x~o), keep a smile on and keep on stepping! <3 "Life is like a blade, it's worthless if it's dull!" Edit: @Sel: Again, I have to completely agree with Naka. Wedging yourself between him and his girlfriend is a huge no-no with red flags and alternating lights and it's just bad in general. My best advice would be to let him be, and find someone else. You guys can be best friends, but pursuing someone who is already in a relationship is... iffy, at best. x: In my case, I'm the one in the relationship, and... well... There are a couple people who are aware of the actual circumstances, but things are not as rose-colored as I try to make them out to be. That's kinda the reason why I would up so head-over-heels for this other guy. tbh, [someone who shall not be named] and I agree on him treating me better than my fiance has of late. -And Min should read through the rest of a thread before commenting on something she likes. -most uncool!- :U Edited by Minmin-Sama, Jun 10 2013, 09:29 PM.
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| Kibatu | Jun 11 2013, 12:49 AM Post #729 |
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Mer?
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I can't say much on the topic of a long-distance relationship, or let alone a relationship at all. The first actual relationship I can say I have only lasted a week, and the online dating that lasted about 8 months only got worse as it started. I personally thought it was going great, but once again I made too many mistakes. I'm debating rather it's even worth getting into a relationship online or otherwise. RL, girls around here are taken, lesbian or both, and online, I barely know that many people in general. So to everyone out there, I wish you the best of luck in your relationship. Real life or online, straight or gay, interracial or not, don't let that special someone be the one that got away. |
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| JBRam | Jun 11 2013, 01:48 PM Post #730 |
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Don't play with fire, kids.
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Without mistakes, how would one ever learn? Hang in there, guys~ |
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3:31 AM Jul 11