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Love
Topic Started: Jun 1 2011, 10:21 PM (25,583 Views)
THEkingroxas
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I'm Dante~
So, I've not really been vocal about it much even around friends, but... I have a girlfriend :blush:

We've been together for about two months, and it seems to be going well. I'm a little apprehensive about the future, but we care about each other a lot, so that's a good sign. I think if we scroll back far enough, maybe I've talked about her in this topic abouuuuuut two years ago. She told me she couldn't date until now, two years ago, so I just kinda... waited and hoped I'd at least have a chance to maybe ask her out before she got snatched up by someone else. It sounds creepy to me, it really does: the fact that I waited two years for this. But we're together now, so... that's a thing. :blush:
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Hatsune Candy
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The soul of a forgotten file
NakaTeleeli
Nov 3 2013, 09:39 PM
Okay Candy. I don't know the entire story here, but I've heard a bit, and what I can say is that this needs to stop. I understand that you're angry and going through a lot, but you're lashing and taking that anger out on the forum. You're insulting people here that if haven't actually been trying to help are innocent by-standards, myself included. You're not just hurting the forum and the people here, but you're hurting yourself by cutting off ties with people that would be willing to help and support you. One way or the other this needs to stop.

As I said, I understand that you're angry, despite what you think, there are many of us who have indeed been through the same thing. Let me tell you a story about myself. I wasn't very social in school, I was especially afraid to talk to girls. I was afraid if I asked one out they'd laugh at me, that they'd pass that information around and everyone would laugh at me for having the gall to ask one out and I'd be the laughing stock of the school. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was in highschool and even then it wasn't until I'd gotten her to admit she liked me first. We were together for years, almost all of highschool. I loved her to death and couldn't conceive of living without her.

We also fought. Constantly. We broke up once, only to get back together in a month or so. We were almost never happy. Only for a brief moment after we'd made up after a fight, just before getting into another. You see, I have attachment issues. I like to think I've grown past them, but I honestly don't know. I thought if I lost her I'd never have anybody ever again. I'd lose the only person who ever loved me. No matter what happened, no matter how hard we fought, the thought of breaking up never occurred to me. But eventually she reached the end of her rope and dumped me for good. I was broken. I had nothing left, I'd just lost everything I had. I cried. I begged her to come back, to give me another shot, that I'd change. She declined, and I was left miserable. If someone had told me then that "It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all" I'd have punched him square in the nose.

But you know what? I calmed down. No, it wasn't quick. No, it wasn't painless. But as time went on I felt less angry and less distressed. I became more and more able to think back on our time together with clarity, and not blinded by fear. It was only now that I realized how unhappy both of us were together. It was a miracle we held together that long.

Despite thinking that I would never find anybody ever again, I did. A time later I found someone else and dated her for a bit. She dumped me too. Found another girl. Dated her for a year. She dumped me too. Found another girl, dated her for three years. She dumped me too. Did it get easier? Did I just shrug it off after a while? Not even remotely. Every single time it happened hurt just as much, was just as painful as that first time. But every time, after a while, I calmed down and in time could look back on it with clarity. I could see why we broke up. Why it just wasn't going to work. And each time I learned. Not just about other people, but about myself. I learned about relationships. I learned about dealing with other people. I learned how to treat people. After that last break up I got another girlfriend. And this time? I'm the one who broke us up. She was heartbroken. She was destroyed. She was begging me for another chance. I felt like trash for doing it, but I also knew it just wasn't going to work.

Love is a two-way street. They have to love you as much as you love them. They have to be happy with the relationship just as much as you are. And nobody owes it to anybody to feign happiness for another's sake. If one of the two isn't happy that's the end of it. Try to work it out. If it isn't working it needs to end. Both people have to be happy.

Both people also need to try. When you find someone that person should accept you for who you are, yes, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't change for her. You need to make her happy. And not in the "I'll get her a gift or something" kind of way. You find that one thing that she doesn't like about you and if you care enough about her you'll want to change that part of you for her. It's not about your happiness. It's about both of you being happy.

Looking back, yes, I'm happier to have loved and lost than never loved at all. Despite the pain, I've since realized that what was happening wasn't going to work. I've learned a lot and matured, I've grown a great deal as a person, which has helped me better function in relationships and find someone I do care about. Even now, I'm 27 years old and just a year or two ago I found someone I love more than the world. We fight, but I also know that unlike last time I'm happy. I fight for this and make it work. I change for her because I want her to be happy, not because she wants me to change. If this were to fall through (and I'm crossing my fingers so hard that it does not) I honestly don't know what I would do, I don't know how I would meet anybody new or what I would do with myself. But I know I would. Because I've got a long life ahead of me. Five, ten, twenty, forty years down the road. How many people have I met thus far in such a short amount of time comparatively?

After what I've been through I don't want to hear anybody say I "haven't experienced it myself" or that I'm an "ignorant fool living in my own little world". Because that's absolute BS.
After what I've been through I don't want to hear anybody talking about how this is the end of the world and they'll never find anybody else. Because that's absolute BS.
And you know what? Everybody goes through this. I am not unique. It's a part of growing as a person, and we all never stop growing. We all keep going because some of us have found that person that makes us happy. So happy that we're willing to deal with the pain. Sure, it may still fall through, but we grow a great deal and do still have memories of what good times there were.

Yes, it's hard. Yes, it hurts. But life goes on, and this won't last forever. Yes, it feels like it will. It feels like the end of the world. It's not. Even reading this you'll just say that I don't know what I'm talking about, and heaven help me that pisses me off more than anything that someone would assume that after the crap I've been through. So don't take it out on me. Don't take it out on the others here. Don't take it out on Aero. Don't take it out on the forum. We're here to help. I'm here any time you need to talk about anything, but I'll be damned if I sit here while this happens on my forum.
You act like I've been going on a rampage...

Hatsune Candy shakes his head. Yes, you're right. I'm sorry, Naka.
I look up to you more than anyone else and I am deeply ashamed of myself for making you angry.

I know what I've said is wrong, I really do, it's just unbelievably difficult to stop myself sometimes; it's not like I haven't been trying.

I promise not to do to this anymore ...as if my promises mean anything by this point.
I-I'll start a journal or something, I don't know. Keep all my outbursts in there possibly.

For now I should just stop posting on VE. Not leave, mind you, just keep quiet for a bit.
I'm going through so much right now, losing Aero isn't the only thing.
I shouldn't even be on the internet, really, I should be setting my life straight.

Naka, if you're reading this, thank you.
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JBRam
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Don't play with fire, kids.
@Naka, Man, I love you for sharing that.

@Roxas, I don't think it's creepy to wait for someone for two years. Heck, I think it's a bit romantic, even.
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NakaTeleeli
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Naka the Honeywhite
A bit more calmly now, I can say Candy, the best advice I can give is to find something else to pour yourself into. I know it won't be an easy time, but the more you focus on something bad the more you'll dig yourself into a rut and make yourself more miserable. Find something to distract yourself, something to take your mind off things and focus on that for a bit. In time I guarantee you'll feel better. If you ever feel the need to talk about anything, I'm here, and I'm sure there are plenty more here who would be willing to lend an ear.
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Minmin-Sama
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BUNNY ON DA ROOOOF
Boys, please don't be ambiguous about your feelings for a lady; she might wanna punch you in the dang throat because you act like you're into her and then won't actually say if you are or if you're not so she's not 100% sure about how you feel. >:T

Tell a lady how you feel. You have nothing to lose.
Edited by Minmin-Sama, Nov 6 2013, 08:01 AM.
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Blackhook
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Fleet of the 7 winds
Except dignity...and your relationship will be really awkward afterwards...
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Retro
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The Impossible Scientist!
On the contrary. I've asked a few of my friends out before, and none of them have said that they felt awkward afterwards, or if they did, it wasn't for too long. Yes, YOU might feel awkward for a little while, but you soon get over it. Awkwardness after that sort of thing only lingers if you let it, and in many cases, is there because you MAKE it awkward.
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JBRam
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Don't play with fire, kids.
I feel like the whole "awkward feeling" thing is yet another relationship stereotype that Hollywood forces on us. We're "supposed" to feel awkward when asking out a friend, just like there's a whole list of things we're "supposed" to do. You know what? I married one of my best friends. She asked me out over yahoo instant messenger. The awkwardness was that I was too dumb to see her feelings beforehand, NOT that she asked me out. Or even told me that she loved me... online... before asking me out. That part wasn't awkward for me at all.

Worst case scenario: she says no, you're sad for a month or so, and things go back to normal. Best case: she was feeling the same way as you, you have a great relationship, get married, have thirteen kids and a horde of dogs, and everyone's happy. Ok, 13 kids would make anyone crazy.
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Shane the Corrupted
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Embodiment of Corruption
Moral of the story: don't watch Hollywood films.
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Overlord SoS
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Star of the Show
Moral of the story: Hey wait a minute! JB I am NOT getting a horde of dogs. They must be a horde of spider monkeys.

Real Moral: You never know until you try (Or in JB's case; get tried on.)
*sighs* hereigo
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