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Stonewall; After 9 years I may have a good draft
Topic Started: Dec 28 2011, 04:43 AM (700 Views)
XanadoRandel
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Well this is a book that I have been trying to write for the past 9 years. I have really liked the idea behind it but I could never get the wording right, but I think I got it right this time please review and so if there is anything that could be improved thanks!
p.s. I have bad spelling and grammar so don't bite my head off for it! also most of it is written in word and I don't care how useless that information is!



Chapter 1
Preparations


"Why is it that you always think that all of my ideas are bad?" asked Xanado "I think that they are bad because the last one almost killed us!" Said the cloaked boy named Azerath.
“But it was fun wasn't it?” said Xanado
"If you count almost getting my head ripped of fun then yes."
"Well this one is safe after we get out of this accursed forest, after that we are home free."
"I am not leaving this forest!"
"But it is boring here, nothing exciting ever happens here, everyone is always trustworthy, no one ever starts a fight or goes on an adventure, it is always the same exact thing every day!"
"It is the same exact forest that keeps out bandits and raiders if it wasn’t for that forest are town would be wiped out!" argued Azerath
"How do you know?" asked Xanado "We could have developed some type of militia and defended are selves, we could have made it through and maybe then we could have something interesting to do."
"Why don’t you read up on those old scrolls that we have at the village elder’s house he won’t mind if you barrow them."
“ I already read them all they just talked about how the Forest of Truth got it’s name it was that powerful wizard who was tricked because he thought he was the smartest person in all the land, in his rage he placed a curse that made anyone that told a lie be lost forever or something like that.” Said Xanado
“Would you rather had those people in the town?’ asked Azerath
It would make things a lot more interesting.”
Their conversation was interrupted by an unwanted guest.
“And what are you planning this time?” asked this man “nothing that you need to know about Zilch.” Xanado snapped back
“Really?” said Zilch “Last time you two planed something it ended up with both of you running back with a monster on your tail. Know what are you planning?” demanded Zilch
“Why do I have to tell you?”
“Why do you have to tell me? I am a town guard and what I say goes!”
“The town guard? The town guard! Since when have you ever protected us from anything?!” Xanado said raising his voice “You do absolutely nothing we don’t even need a town guard, the forest protects us all you do is drink and abuse your powers as a fake town guard! Just because you have a sword doesn’t mean your better then the rest of us!” Xanado turned and walked away, and Azerath just stood there.
Zilch looked dumbfounded never in his day did he ever get yelled at. “that little punk” thought Zilch “He needs to learn respect for other people, and I will be the one to teach it to him!” Zilch walked away.
Xanado needing to pick up a few things stopped by the market on the way home. Upon entering the store hears a familiar voice. "Well isn't it one of my most valuable costumers Xanado."
"Hey Dan hows the shop going?" asked Xanado
"It's been holding up alright anyways what do you need son?" Xanado pulls out a list and hands it over to Dan. "why this is a big order now isn't it. What are you planing to do with a sword and all of this food and drink" I mean I have seen pull out pretty big orders before but this." he pauses for a moment. " You seem to be wanting to go half way across the forest." Dan said
"everyone will find out soon enough." said Xanado " you can find out with them, how much will that be."
it'ill be about 100 gold pieces. doubt even you have that much."
Xanado pulled out a bag and pored out it's contents "I believe this will cover it." Xanado said
"by god were did you get this much gold?" he said with a surprised look on his face.
"dose it matter were I got it? I have it and that's all that matters right?"
"Well as long as it is not blood money or anything like that I am ok with it I guess"
"Thanks." said Xanado and he left the shop to head home the preparations were complete the only thing he has to do now is act innocent till they depart form this boring town and have a real adventure, but that will come in due time, in due time." thought Xanado.
Edited by XanadoRandel, Dec 28 2011, 04:44 AM.
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XanadoRandel
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Chapter one complete I should get a achievement for it seeing as that is the third time I actually got this far in my book, anyway that aside this is the first chapter (though the ending of this chapter is a bit cruddy) tell me what you think and I might just post more I have been needing some motivation to write this book for awhile anyways until next time!
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Hatsune Candy
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The soul of a forgotten file
Quote:
 
I have bad spelling and grammar so don't bite my head off for it!


I don't blame you for it, so do I. It's a really great story so far, either way. I should know, I read a lot of books and like to write some myself. Keep up the good work and remember to really think out your sentences before writing them.

Ah, but I'm rambling now, just do what you feel fits.
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XanadoRandel
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Well it has been awhile since I have done anything on VE but after a few months of being gone I have finally found the creativity and time needed to write more of Stonewall. From now on I will try to write more often. and just try to be on VE more often too. Any ways enough rambling time to continue on with the story I hope this chapter will get people into the story that is what I tried to do here I guess I will see.


Chapter 2
Departure
Are we in over our heads?



Xanado lay in his bed, supplies packed and note written all he needed to do now is wait for his mother to fall asleep. As he lay there, he began to think about his parents what happened to my father was a question that Xanado often asked, but his mother gave no reply and acted as if she didn’t hear him. All he thought was if his father wasn’t here then he must be out there in the wild were he planed to go. All he hoped is that he will be there lost waiting for someone to find him. Were ever he is, what ever trouble that he is in, Xanado promised that he will find him. Even though he wanted to find him a voice in his head nagged at him, “What if he is not there.” it kept saying “What if he is dead?” No he could let that happen he wouldn’t let that happen. Though the crack under in the door he saw the light outside go out. All that planning of previous failures and learning to improvise all that training with wooden swords, has come down to this, he needed to succeed. As he crept out of his room supplies on his back he left with a note on his bed explaining were he has gone, and why. As he left towards the front gate avoiding light and the occasional window he realized that there was a real possibility of death. He had heard tails of what happened to the people that wondered off to far and have come back beaten or mauled or when the send out a search party only to bring back a dead body. Thinking of this he starts to figure what can a self taught swords man and chemist’s apprentice do? He cursed himself “now was not the time for those thoughts you can’t back out now.” As he arrived at the front gates of the town he sees Azerath. “You ready?” asked Xanado “As I’ll ever be” Azerath replied
“You know there is no going back right, I mean whatever happens out there we can’t go back on.”
“You said this every time we went to go find adventure I some how thought that you have everything planed out and under control, things haven’t changed I’m still going.”
“Alright let’s go then.” Xanado said.
They hopped the fence and went into the wild, the unknown. “We are going to need to cover some ground before we can set up camp.” Xanado said “We can’t risk getting seen no one would trust us to go anywhere if they new we were planning to go into the forest.”
I know that I’m not stupid.” Azerath replied
“I Had to check.” Said Xanado
As they continued on joking around Xanado thought “this isn’t going to be so bad.” They sent up camp after covering about a mile. As they were setting up camp Xanado felt uneasy, he felt like he was being watch, and it continued until they slept. That night a figure slipped into there camp. It crept up on Xanado as he was getting closer Xanado woke. He knew something was in the camp, and didn’t move. He was listening waiting till it was closer. The figure kept moving not realizing that Xanado was awake. And when he was right next him Xanado mad his move. In one swift movement he got up and his fist made contact with the side of the figures head. The resulting commotion woke up Azerath. “Why you little!” the figure said. Wait “I know that voice.” Xanado thought out loud “Zilch?” he asked. “Glad that you noticed.” Replied Zilch
“Why are you here?” asked Xanado with an annoyed tone
“I am making sure you don’t die that’s what I am doing.”
“We don’t need your help.”
“Really?” asked Zilch “Grow up you have no Idea to what you are doing.”
“Of course we do we wouldn’t be out here if we didn’t.”
“Oh yes you know exactly what you are doing my mistake, that’s why you didn’t even have a look out to watch out for people near your camp!”said Zilch
Xanado just stood there, he was right. What if it wasn’t Zilch and some armed a person in which he didn’t notice. “I think I made my point.” Said Zilch “Listen you are not the only one wanting to know what is out there, I have wondered to, and face it you guys are going to need some help.”
“No” said Xanado “Just no.” “But Xanado” said Azerath “I think he is right, I mean we really don’t know what we are doing do we, if we let him tag along then we would have a better chance, I mean we are just kids,”
“Fine.” Said Xanado “He can tag along, just don’t in the way of what I am doing then it can work out, I guess.”
“Hey Xan, what are you trying to do?” Questioned Azerath
Xanado looked at him for a second, then replied “I-I am looking for my father, I need to know and since no one would tell me I took matters into my own hands ok.”
They just looked at him. Zilch was the first to talk lets just get camp packed up it is going to be morning soon.” And silently the packed up camp and continued on.

btw this is not the entire chapter I just thought that this was a nice place to stop and take a break I will try to write more later today
Edited by XanadoRandel, Jun 13 2012, 06:45 PM.
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XanadoRandel
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Here is the rest of chapter two and please if you can give feed back, I need to know how people think about it, I need to know what needs to be improved. Anyways enjoy!




Most of that day went with out to much trouble, no one had much to say and there wasn’t much to do but continue going forward. As they were walk Xanado was thinking about the stories he had heard, about the dangers of what was in the forest, and here they were, in the forest they had been there for two days and hadn’t seen anything that could have been hostile. While he was thinking about this he was beginning to notice that hostile creatures weren’t the only thing that hadn’t shown there face, even smaller creatures were gone he did not hear any birds or seen any small animals. “Hey.” Said Xanado “Have you guys notice the animals in this area?” “Now that you mention it I guess it has been a little quite. What do you think Azerath?”Asked Zilch “I don’t know what it could be, I will look more closely for any signs of a dangerous animal.”
“You sure there is nothing in those books that you read about this?” asked Xanado
“Like I said I will have to take a closer look I will tell if I have an Idea of what is going on.”
As they continued on there journey Xanado started to get a little paranoid, jumping at every sound always checking behind his back. When they came across the claw markings, they ran deep within stone. “What in the world?” said Zilch amazed. “What animal could have done this to solid stone?”
“Could it have been those Machinist?” asked Xanado. “Those stories make it seem like one of there machines could of done the damage.”
“No,” said Azerath. “This area of the forest would have been cleared for a camp, plus there is no sign that they harvest any of the stone.”
“This is making me feel uneasy.” Said Xanado “The lack of animals along with those claw marks this doesn’t seem right, something has to have made those marks, they are to deliberate. You study animals didn’t you Azerath?”
“Yes I did, but the only reason animals do this is to mark territory, and even then there would still be animals around, unless…”
“Unless what?” asked Zilch.
“You know those stories that are told around a campfire, about a creature that hunts for fun, one that is so light on its feet that you wouldn’t notice it until it is too late. It is darker then black, and even the bravest of men cower in fear.” Said Azerath
“Stop messing around Azerath this is no time for joking around everyone knows the Badogon is something told to scare children you know a wives tale. Besides you really expect so many warriors to hind from one animal?” Said Xanado
“It doesn’t matter if it is real or not, whatever made those marks is dangerous and we should keep moving all the same.” Said Zilch
“No.” said Xanado “I think we should set up camp right here.”
“Are you crazy Xanado! We can’t stay here with that thing out there we need to go now!” yelled Azerath
“ No because there is nothing out there, it is just a stupid story that has fooled you. There is nothing to worry about, and if makes you feel better I will take first watch.”
“I don’t see how that is supposed to make me feel better, but fine I was overreacting , what do you think Zilch?
Zilch nodded with a concerned look on his face. Camp was set up relatively quick, and Xanado started to prepare for his shift at watch, Zilch not saying a word since they agreed to set up camp there looking alert. Xanado found this strange but shrugged it off sat down with sword at his side.
As the night went on and Xanado shift came to an end, he went to go wake up Zilch only to find that he was awake. “What is up?” whispered Xanado “You have been acting strange ever since we got here something is up and I know it, so start talking.”
“Listen there is something you should know, that I have been mauling over in my head since I got here.” Said Zilch “It is about the Badogon.”
"Now don't you start."said Xanado
"Just listen, the Badogon is yes, mostly a tale, fantasy but there is truth in it. The Badogon is a real creature, but not as powerful and all mighty as they say you will still have a fight on your hands if you one into one but in general they are not to much trouble, but" said Zilch continuing on trying to fight them when there in a groups of a thousand, then they can wipe out a group of ten thousand soldiers without effort, they move as if they are one animal getting close to fast for archers to be of use."
"Listen to yourself you must be mad, were would you find that many of those creatures. If they were in groups that big we would have some decent proof the exists." said Xanado.
"They come in groups that big because they are used for war, and they are just the grunts."
"Of all the bulls***t things you have said this has to be at the top. Only you would fall for that crap, were did you here that anyways?"
"A solider that was passing through the town, you could see it in his face that he has seen many battles, but there is one thing that confuses me."
"What?" asks Xanado
"Why is there a Badogon in the middle of nowhere."
"Listen you can think that over when your on guard for non-existent animals wake me up if one of these creatures." said Xanado sure that he would not be disturbed that night.

End of chapter
Well I hope you guys liked it and remember feed back is appreciated!
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XanadoRandel
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Well sorry about the wait for this next post but I did lose the only copy of Stonewall while I was half way through the chapter, but have recently recovered it, I have finished the chapter three rewrite! So here it is chapter 3

Chapter 3

As the night went on everyone took there turn on watch, Xanado being the last. When Xanado woke for his turn on watch the sky was a steely gray, and the morning fog was just rolling in, covering the land in the morning dew. Xanado not being a morning person struggled to pull himself in an upright position. Still groggy he stumbled over to the place were Zilch stood and his sword lay. “Now remember,” Zilch started “You have watch till the sun has fully risen and if anything happens make sure to wake everyone, got it?”
“ugh.” Was the only noise that escaped Xanado’s lips.
“Got it?” Zilch repeated in a stern tone.
“Yeah yeah I heard you the first time.” Xanado mumbled.
“Good, remember it’s not only your life that is on the line here.”
With that Zilch went to sleep, leaving Xanado to watch the camp.
As the minutes stretched on, Xanado started to wish that he had took first watch instead of being stuck in the cool morning air by the looking for potential threats. As the time went on the sun seemed to be stuck in place, and Xanado found himself loosening his grip on the hilt of his sword and he already had to snapped his head back into an upright position after it had slowly drifted down. “Honestly, who in there right mind would be up at this hour?” Xanado thought to himself “I mean they have to be crazy to be walking around at such an absurd hour.” Still there was something that had managed to keep him awake through the early hours; an ever present gaze seemed to be on him, watching and waiting. This didn’t bother him as he had always been paranoid and this feeling was no stranger, but there was something about this that made him tighten his grip on his sword. Glancing around to find out were this feeling was coming from his eyes darted from place to place looking for anything out of the ordinary. Not seeing anything he shrugged it off thinking that it must be his imagination. As the sun began to rise and the long watch was finally over, Xanado went to wake the others from there sleep.
They packed up rather quickly and started on there long journey a journey in which had no set destination, but simply ended when the goal was met. Xanado never told Azerath or Zilch this, as they would never agree to go on this adventure if he didn’t have a set plan, but instead he walked blindly through the woods hoping for a clue to nudge him in the right direction. As another day came and passed and another long night watch, and yet again the same feeling of someone watching him. This continued for a few more days, and the feeling of the unknown presence became stronger and stronger. Finally Xanado couldn’t take it; he just had to find out what was watching them, following them. So after another day came and past Xanado decide that after Zilch had fallen asleep he would go out in search of this enigmatic presence. Once Zilch had long past went to bed, Xanado grab a few supplies and set out to discover who the strange intruder is. As he left the small camp they had set up earlier, Xanado started to think about what to do once he found this mysterious stranger that had been following them. As he walked along the outer edge of the camp looking for anything that might be a hint to where the stranger was watching them from, and from there if he is lucky he may also see where he was headed too. With the early morning light he was straining to find the smallest of details that looked out of place, but as he spent his last few hours of watch searching and coming up empty handed he decided that he would have to come about this a different way if was ever to find out who this person was. The next morning started as usual they packed up camp after eating a small meal and shortly after set off to continue the journey Xanado at the lead. No matter what he did he felt that thing staring at them, just out of reach but still there watching waiting, and Xanado was stuck on the problem of how to deal with such a thing that was so elusive that it did not leave a trace behind. No matter what he couldn’t think of an easy answer, he had to find a away how to draw it out. As camp was set Xanado looked around for reasonable places to look at there camp but not be seen. As he looked around he found the spot, it was in the branches of a tree that from looking on the out side had a spot were if someone to lay down flat the many branches would cover them making them nearly impossible to see, keeping the spot in mind Xanado went to sleep knowing that he had this thing now.
That night during watch Xanado prepared himself for anything, putting his sword in its sheath he set out hoping to catch what ever was following them. As he approached the tree he saw a shadow jump down and run off, immediately Xanado gave chase to the shadow, ducking and weaving around the trees keeping up with the creature’s movements. After a few minutes of giving chase they arrived into a clearing, it was here that Xanado realized his mistake for once he reached the clearing he saw the thing that was following them, it was a monster, a monster that was as dark as night, every part of it was even the horns it had. As it turned to face Xanado stand at its full and frightening height, Xanado stood there terrified as he gazed at his face, he could feel its gaze on him but it seemed to have no eyes only pitch black eye sockets were there. As it growled a low monstrous growl Xanado saw its teeth, they were sharp and blood red. There were many things Xanado thought to do at that moment, he thought to turn and run, to shout for help, to draw his sword, he even thought to just close his and accept that this terrifying thing was going to tear him apart, but there was something that cleared his mind, it was the thought of why he went on this journey through the forest, the thought that if he were to fail here, to die he would not see his mother again, or ever find out what happened to his father, it was this thought of his family that gave him strength to stand and fight.
It was the creature that made the first move and almost killed Xanado there for it was fast, beyond fast Xanado’s could barely keep up with it, his sword met with the creatures claws almost knocking it out of his hands, he was going to have to fight defensively and hope that the creature would mess up or even tire it out, but the longer the battle stretched on the less he thought it would ever happen. At last his body failed him, it was just too much blow after blow made contact with his body, blood soaked his shirt there was nothing he could do but stand there and take the hits, in his last moments when his visions was starting to blur, something in him changed. Even with his many wounds he started to fight with a new fire in his eyes, one of no mercy, no forgiveness, devoid of the kindness that is usually there, instead there was a cold glare of hatred and violence meant for anything that stood in his way. It was this that turned the tides of the fight, for Xanado started to fight back easily over power the creature land blow after blow not a single hit missing its mark, the claws that the creature was using to block his sword shattered under Xanado’s new found strength. After only a few seconds the monster was on the ground defeated its ink covered blood staining the grass it lay their making a pitiful sound in its last breath. As Xanado stood there covered in the blood of the strange creature and his own he fell exhausted.
Edited by XanadoRandel, Mar 24 2013, 07:59 PM.
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XanadoRandel
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Well now hopefully the gaps between postings will get a lot shorter from now on but until the next chapter, bye!
Edited by XanadoRandel, Mar 24 2013, 08:01 PM.
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I would like to say something, I was wondering how people thought of the first few chapters, I am always open to input about my writing and would like some feedback. I looking over the first and second chapter and saw things that could be improved, but I would like some input to see how others feel about it.
Edited by XanadoRandel, Mar 24 2013, 08:19 PM.
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