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The Creative Mind of TheGameFreak; My creative writings stored here.
Topic Started: Jan 30 2013, 10:40 AM (797 Views)
TheGameFreak
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VE's Master Swordsman
This is where I will post ALL of my creative writings so as to not potentially flood the subforum with fanficitons, CYOAs, and the like.

More on this coming soon.
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TheGameFreak
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VE's Master Swordsman
Okay, waiting time over. Time for some Awesomeness. So, this one idea for a fanfiction I had brewing in my head for quite some time now. Here it is.

It kinda goes like this: The characters are from SMT 1 and 2, the plot's from the Persona series, and the style of storytelling and dialogue are from Homestuck. Now that I think about it, the third part makes it more suitable for a CYOA. But I'm going to put up a little sample to test it out,




MC

Meet Kazuya Minatoya. He's 16 years old and a first year at Natsumi High School in the city of Ashura. This large town is located in the hills and has a futuristic look. It is best-known for a tumultuous history and its friendly inhabitants. Also, there have been many strange and unexplained disappearances over the years. By the way, Kazuya has many friends at this school. Lots of wild, wonderful, colorful, crazy friends. Let's go meet them, shall we?

City

This is the city by the way.
Edited by Kumakaori, Jan 30 2013, 01:14 PM.
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Speedy
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Fairly sure I've given up.
I have to admit, I've never seen such clear pictures.

If only because they're not there. Both of your images say 'Posted Image'.

You'll want to change the URLs.
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Rescla
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Resident Lazy Coder
You forgot the : in http://

Images
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TheGameFreak
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Oh. I may have overlooked that. My bad.

EDIT: Thanks, Kuma.
Edited by TheGameFreak, Jan 30 2013, 02:13 PM.
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TheGameFreak
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TheGameFreak
Jan 30 2013, 11:29 AM
Okay, waiting time over. Time for some Awesomeness. So, this one idea for a fanfiction I had brewing in my head for quite some time now. Here it is.

It kinda goes like this: The characters are from SMT 1 and 2, the plot's from the Persona series, and the style of storytelling and dialogue are from Homestuck. Now that I think about it, the third part makes it more suitable for a CYOA. But I'm going to put up a little sample to test it out,




MC

Meet Kazuya Minatoya. He's 16 years old and a first year at Natsumi High School in the city of Ashura. He has brown clean hair, blue eyes, and is about 5'8 tall. He wears a green jacket and a blue shirt with blue jeans.

The city of Ashura. This large town is located in the hills and has a futuristic look. It is best-known for a tumultuous history and its friendly inhabitants. Also, there have been many strange and unexplained disappearances over the years. There have been rumors spreading around town about a strange, golden butterfly that lures people off the face of the earth. People follow the butterfly and are never seen again. Strange, isn't it?

By the way, Kazuya has many friends at this school. Lots of wild, wonderful, colorful, crazy friends. Let's go meet them, shall we?

City

This is the city by the way.
Creative Writing Continuation Rules go into effect.

Kazuya arrives successfully at Natsumi High School.

The School


Kazuya is an exchange student here at Natsumi High. However, to the complete surprise of almost nobody in particular, there seems to be a lot of exchange students here, being that there are lazy roleplayers who more often than not refuse to research social stigmas in Japan. But enough about that. Onwards, with exploring. The school has a large, grey main building with two halls conjoining with it off at the sides. The grounds sport some nicely made benches, flowers adorning the edges of the walkways, and the usual yet very beautiful cherry blossom trees. In the center of the grounds is a large water fountain with an angel statue on it and not too far from it is the flagpole with the flag of Japan hanging on it. A few students are often found hanging from the flag.

School Uniform

Ignore the silly poses and background.

All the students in Natsumi High wear uniforms simiar to the students in the above photo, with a few exceptions. The males wear a sort of red jacket with a black tie and a white shirt with black pants. The girls wear a white blouse with a red shirt tie and a red and black striped skirt. So far, there have been debates about whether or not the girls' skirts are too short. So far, no conclusion has been made.
Edited by TheGameFreak, Feb 7 2013, 02:48 PM.
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PincherD
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Promise not to bleed on me and I'll kill you quickly.
Just some constructive criticism here, TGF:

Despite being a good thought to cut down on topics..., merging ALL OF YOUR STUFF into 1 topic can and WILL get really confusing once you switch gears and head into a different story/CYOA/etc.
>That's really all for the topic issue...
Also..., I do feel that the story is telling itself in a rather odd manner...
>There's really no actual description of anything in the current story..., other than the pictures you gave us...

While it's okay, though, not preferred, for the character and the uniforms to just have pictures, rather than both them AND descriptions, it's not a good thing to not describe your city, school, or any place that this "Kazuya" person seems to go to or live with only pictures.
>A story should clearly give a person a true image of what places look like in full detail with words. Plus, most stories will also typically build their areas into your mind without pictures.

Also, the pictures you choose do bother me, especially the ones for the places... This gives me a small vibe that you really didn't think out your places in too much detail...
>From how I see it... These places have been already been established places within stories of games, movies, shows, etc. You can't just go calling them something else.

>It's like me posting a picture of "Big Ben", the clock-tower in London, and literally calling it "The Empire State Building", of NY City.

>Listen, before you say, "I couldn't possibly draw something as cool as these...," You don't have to draw anything..., just discard the pictures and FULLY DESCRIBE the city in words.

Also, how your current story is being told..., it doesn't bring interest to me...
>And I personally like stories that are truly... just for good times and laughs.

It mainly doesn't seem to have very drawn-out places and lacks an interesting backstory...
These errors, to me, don't seem very hard to fix at all with some thinking involved.
>Just be sure to fix them as you keep going with your story, and it would be awesome if you could fix the errors from before.

And... a tip before you do so...
>Be sure your posts make sense BEFORE you post them. Look over old posts for more facts, even double check once or twice to make sure you didn't miss anything.
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Kumakaori
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灰色狼
A word of caution. I find nothing wrong in using existing media to help you decide what your own ideas should look like, but taking them outright and re-using them as your own... :/... That's grey or black territory.

That's K-on's School, and Haruhi's outfits. Japan is certainly a lot more lenient when it comes to creative license, but I think you ought to put some effort in to distinguish it as your own work.

Sure you say "similar" to the outfits shown, but you don't show us how it is different. :/... .. . .
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Speedy
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Fairly sure I've given up.
The previous image filled post had fanart of Shin Megami Tensei's protag as well as a 'Sci Fi city' that I can't find the proper source of for some reason.
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Minmin-Sama
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BUNNY ON DA ROOOOF
PincherD
Jan 31 2013, 12:52 PM
>A story should clearly give a person a true image of what places look like in full detail with words. Plus, most stories will also typically build their areas into your mind without pictures.
Or you could always take the J.K. Rowling approach, and tell us the school is an academy-like building, then allow us to use our imagination from there.
I mean, we didn't know where the dorms and classes were. The only thing I remember clearly from Hogwarts even now, off-hand, was that Hagrid lived outside of the castle. I loved that about her writing, since it allowed me to not only imagine Hogwarts in my mind as the grand castle the movie made it out to be, but I got to choose which class was where next to this class and that class, etc.
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