| Perfection | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 5 2013, 08:51 AM (366 Views) | |
| Hatsune Candy | Apr 5 2013, 08:51 AM Post #1 |
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The soul of a forgotten file
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To be perfect, one says Is to be without flaw Surely nothing is perfect For everything is flawed But flaws are so finicky They are indeed In your eyes you might have none In others you might have tons Who's to say which one is true? It is a mystery One we'll never understand If perfection does not mean To be without flaw Then what might it be? I don't think We were ever meant to know Edited by Hatsune Candy, Apr 13 2013, 10:58 PM.
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| Queen of Ice | Apr 13 2013, 08:03 PM Post #2 |
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Master of Darkness! Bwahaha!
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I'm not very good at decoding poetry, so please forgive me for a lack of quality feedback in that regard. The first verse, I feel, could probably be dropped, or moved. Starting with the second verse introduces the topic more quickly. I'm guessing this is free verse, so I won't focus too much on flow or rhythm. "To be perfect, one says Is to be without flawed" I believe "flawed" should be "flaws". "So surely nothing is perfect" I might drop the "so". "There are indeed" "There" might be "they?" I'm not sure on that one. This line as a whole I think could be reworked. "It's a mystery, it is" This may work better as, "It is a mystery". --- Hope that helps ^^ |
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9:38 AM Jul 11