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| The Adventures of the Amelia; Prologue | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 14 2013, 08:15 AM (827 Views) | |
| Queen of Ice | Apr 14 2013, 04:40 PM Post #11 |
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Master of Darkness! Bwahaha!
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"The girl" has a name, correct? And "the boy" as well? I suggest calling them by their names. Constantly referring to them simply as their sex can distance the reader from the characters. Rather than becoming attached to their names, we're learning to associate them only with what gender they are attributed with. |
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| Stabby | Apr 14 2013, 04:55 PM Post #12 |
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Hello~
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I agree. It's okay to do it here and there, Victoria's name is mentioned 5 times while "the girl" is used 37 times. Though I'm sure the page boy doesn't have a name. Edited by Stabby, Apr 14 2013, 04:56 PM.
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| JBRam | Apr 14 2013, 05:06 PM Post #13 |
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Don't play with fire, kids.
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"The girl" was used on purpose. Once again, same reason why I was using the passive voice a lot. Notice how Victoria's name is only used in speech. Edited by JBRam, Apr 14 2013, 05:07 PM.
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| Queen of Ice | Apr 15 2013, 12:42 PM Post #14 |
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Master of Darkness! Bwahaha!
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Regardless of intent, referring to every character that way is only hindering a story that readers already struggle to find interesting.
Edited by Queen of Ice, Apr 15 2013, 12:57 PM.
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| JBRam | Apr 15 2013, 02:08 PM Post #15 |
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Don't play with fire, kids.
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Rest assured, the whole story won't be written that way. Anyhoo, I've added about 250 words of pure description into the prologue, so it's a bit beefier. Made some minor adjustments as well. I might update the OP eventually. |
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9:38 AM Jul 11