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Dragoonmason's Forum Survival Guide; A guide on how to survive forums.
Topic Started: Mar 1 2011, 05:45 AM (33 Views)
Dragoonmason
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This guide shall help you survive in these forums!(And maybe some others...)

Chapter 1: Posting

Well, to be successful in forums, you post, otherwise you just sit there staring at your computer screen like an idiot. First, you have to know where to post. In these forums, the main topics are video game related. So, unless you are idiot and decided to try to post, you should have a general idea of where to post. If you have Nintendo related stuff go to the Nintendo section and find your way through there, for Wii discussions, go to the Wii topic. For DS discussions, go to the DS topic. For the other Nintendo stuff, check the Older Systems topics. There are also Playstation and X-Box topics...but you get the idea, they're similar, so I'm not going to go too deep into that. One other thing is, you can never be too off-topic in the off-topic forum, so just kinda post whatever and the next chapter indirectly applies to the off-topic posting.

Chapter 2: Successful Posting

Well, now that you know where to post...or if you don't reread Chapter 1 again...356 times is recommended, but now you need to know how to make a good post. A good post can be one of three things:
1. A good, funny post. Most people use these as they are very easy to pull off.
2. A very helpful post. A good example is if someone needs help finishing the Water Temple in LoZ:OoT, although this make take multiple posts and many controllers inside TV screens.
3. A post that raises a discussion. Everyone loves a good debate. Start one, and you'll be looked up at...for a bit.
Now, you may ask, How can I make such posts? Well, I shall help you in making them. For making funny posts, just be funny. If you're not funny...well then you need to get laid. All shall be well, and you shall magically be funny. Either that or just take some lame Jeff Dunham jokes and get insulted by everyone. To make a helpful post...you just help the person. Kinda self-explanatory. For a post that raises discussion(s)...pick a broad topic, but make sure it's not too broad or too specific. Asking whether people like Mario or Zelda might be too broad...but it can work. Although, asking what size pants you should buy at the store is creepy and too specific. Also, when creating topics, make witty titles. They give you more posts in the end. If your topics aren't getting any posts, it's because your title wasn't witty enough, no one really could think of anything good to say, or no one cared enough to try. Overall, just kinda pretend to be cool, and you'll fit in, unlike real life.

Chapter 3: Social Classes
Yes, social classes exist even in the forums world. There are 5 major social classes. There are also 45 other small classes that are really detailed and I'm really lazy so I'm putting it off. You should figure out which class you are in as soon as possible. The 5 classes are:
1. The 'Government'
2. The Upper Class
3. The Nerds/Dorks
4. The Fanboys
5. The Wannabes
The 'Government' is the Admins and Mods. Seeing as how they control everything and kinda hate everything, the name makes sense. All Admins and Mods seem really friendly, but deep down they just wanna ban everyone. The Upper Class are the people that are like Admins and Mods, but haven't been poisoned with the labor. They usually are successful in their posting and get a lot of girlfriends on and offline. They may even be married to someone in India. The Nerds/Dorks are the people that shouldn't post at all. They try to fit in and just don't. Kinda like those real life nerds/dorks. The fanboys are people that constantly rant about a certain anime character or video game character. They may even go as far as roleplaying. This class almost never gets laid. At all. The wannabes are kinda like nerds/dorks, but they actually have a chance at success. They never know how to reach it without help from the Upper Class or the 'Government'. But usually the 'Government' people are bitches...so that leaves the Upper Class. Wannabes usually depend on anyone and aren't good argument holders.

Chapter 4: Awkward Situations
Now that you've found out which class you belong in, we can talk about awkward situations. We've all had the awkwardest of situations, but you don't know how to deal with them in forums...until now. Now, there are many different things that can start these situations. One can start when it's just you and someone who you know is better than you in every way are chatting, and you throw a strange question. This starts what some people call the "Awkward Silence". This is when an awkward situation is taking place in complete silence. Some members don't know what to do when they notice a female poster. This also presents some awkwardness. Unlike real life, you must agree with everything they say, even if you really don't. This can result in loss of one of two things, virginity and awkwardness...or maybe both. (For those in possession of a vagina, just remember that every guy secretly loves you, you should have no life outside the kitchen, and what you say doesn't matter at all. Thank you.) If you ever see two girls arguing, you must agree with the hot one, or the one that's more willing to fuck you. Also comfort them and secretly hit on them constantly. Basically, girls are a different matter in the forum world than in real life.

In conclusion, follow this guide and you shall be a forum master. SHAZZAAH!

(This was not meant to offend Jeff Dunham, female organisms or Canadians. Good day.)
Edited by Dragoonmason, Mar 1 2011, 09:57 PM.
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hissae2

lol cool
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xxEvilTacoxx
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lol, nice.
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