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Limo Ride; (A Wedding Day thread-- Tag: Dani)
Topic Started: Jan 24 2008, 11:16 PM (341 Views)
Danielle
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Dani could see the change in Alex's mood coming a mile away but it was like a freight train, and there was nothing she could do to stop it, just hang on for the ride. He shifted into a sitting position and she moved back a little ways, smoothing her hand over her hair in an effort to tame it. She knew she was going to have to re-do it later, though.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Dani," he said, softly, "I know you don't love me. You know I don't love you. But when we get together, it's... simple."

Ah fuck, she thought to herself, letting out a deep sigh as she pulled on her underwear and started to wriggle into her jeans. She didn't like it when he talked about stuff like this, simply because she didn't understand it. Love and everything related to it made her head hurt in ways it shouldn't, made her think about things she didn't really want to think about.

"I want to be happy. You make me happy for a while, but we both know this can't keep on like this, right? Am I overthinking too much? It's a Summers trait."

He pulled her to him and she didn't protest, seeming to fit naturally against him as his arm encircled her waist. "Why not?" she asked, looking up at him, touching his face gently. "Why can't it stay like it is? I didn't mean for this to happen, but it did, and yeah, ok, so we're not in love with each other. So what? Is that so bad? Just because we don't love each other doesn't mean we can't try to make each other happy, does it?"

She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder, swallowing down the sudden feeling of loss that opened a pit in her stomach. "Why does everything have to be so complicated?" she wondered quietly. She wasn't in love with Alex, that much was true, but she did care for him, and while what they had wasn't perfect and wasn't the stuff of fairytales, it worked for them as long as they didn't think about it too much.

Her arms tightened around him slightly and she hid her face against his neck, squeezing her eyes shut against the thoughts and emotions that he was bringing up by talking this way.
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Havok
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"Why does everything have to be so complicated?" Dani questioned after trying to justify what they did.

Alex shrugged, idly stroking his fingers along her side, enjoying the snuggling, the closeness and wishing, wishing that he loved her and that she loved him. It would make everything seem so much better, so much more right. "I've been wondering that since Egypt. It's like evolving into this... whatever it is I am... took away any chance at a simple life... You know, you know as much as I do, Dani."

He shook his head, and shrugged, again, "Whatever, look, whatever. I'm thinking too much, or maybe not enough, I dunno. I want to be happy, that's all, you know, and what we are doing makes me happy, as you can tell, and if your toe-curling is indication, you're pretty happy about it too. But, there has to be more to this, there has to be." He turned to her and kissed her on her forehead. "You're better than this, you know, just in case you don't know that. You're better than you think you are, then you think whatever happened to you allows you to be."

He moved up, to sit on the seat instead of the floor, and pulled her up with him, wanting her next to him, "Lorna's going to be at this wedding, and, I... I want to get back together with her, but I don't know how that's going to work out, and I invited you to the wedding because I needed you, wanted you there, not to show her up or to hurt either of you, but because I genuinely do like you, Dani. I wanted you to feel... special for a day, and understand what it is I mean when I say you are more, but I have a feeling I am botching it with you."
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Danielle
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For a few minutes she just listened to him speak and didn't say anything, just cuddled with him and wondered if maybe this warm feeling of safety she had when he held her was some small, diluted form of love, or maybe she was just so desperate for human contact that she was misconstruing it somehow. She knew she cared for him but didn't think it was really love, not the kind of love he talked about when he talked about Lorna. When he was gone she didn't really miss him, though sometimes she missed the company; she didn't feel like there was a piece of herself missing when he was away, at least not more than there already was.

"You're better than this, you know, just in case you don't know that. You're better than you think you are, then you think whatever happened to you allows you to be."

"Alex," she groaned out, his name a protest as she sat up and rubbed her face tiredly, narrowly managing to avoid smudging her make-up. She didn't know why, but she hated it when he started talking like that. In some part of her mind she knew he was just trying to help, but a bigger, louder part just wanted him to shut the fuck up. She didn't want to reflect on how she felt about herself, on what had happened to her and how she was never going to escape from it even though the man that had tricked her was dying in a hospital bed somewhere.

She didn't want to be one of those people that couldn't move forward because they were stuck in the past, and though that was exactly was happening to her, she didn't realize it. She didn't realize that because she chose to try and ignore what had happened that she would never move beyond it. The truth of the matter was that no matter how hard she tried to forget and not admit it had happened, no matter how many beers she drank, drugs she took, or guys she slept with, it would still be there. In her mind, if she didn't talk about it, it wasn't there.

"I wanted you to feel... special for a day, and understand what it is I mean when I say you are more, but I have a feeling I am botching it with you."

Dani heard what he said but didn't say anything in return, just kept her hands pressed against her face. She felt that all-too familiar edge of panic and mania set into her, felt her muscles tense and her chest tighten almost painfully until she could only breathe in short, panting gasps. Her thoughts spiraled downward and she shook her head forcefully, needing a cigarette, a drink, a pill, a line, anything to bring her back from this but unable to get it.

She curled into the corner where the seat met the door and drew her knees up to her chest, hiding her face against them. "Alex...stop it," she begged, her words practically a sob. "Just stop it, please...please stop it," she continued, and it became unclear whether she was asking him to stop talking or stop whatever it was that was happening to her then.
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Havok
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She curled away, pulled away, and Alex felt horrible. He didn't mean to upset her, he really didn't. He seemed to upset everyone lately. She begged him to stop and he held his hands up, "I'm stopped, I'm stopped," he whispered.

She choked and shivered, and he put a hand out, his hand warmer than a normal person. He stroked her back, gently, "Dani, we don't have to talk about it anymore. We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. Just know that when you do want to, I'm here, ok."

He just bit the bullet, and expecting to be hit, or yelled at, or just soaked with tears, whatever, it didn't matter, he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her, and cradling her. He didn't know what he had said that had made her feel so bad, but he didn't really care at the moment. The fact was she was upset, and he was the cause, and he didn't want that. He meant everything he'd said. He hadn't invited her for any other reason other than the fact that he liked her, and he saw something special in there, that maybe only others who were damaged could see.

He put his warm blond head against her cool blond one and said, "No crying, no upsets. We're going to a fancy schmancy wedding, we are both going to look fabulous even if my vest is hot pink, we'll have cake and punch, and we'll dance till dawn, way past our bedtime, ok?" He kissed her forehead, "I do love you, Dani, in my own twisted way."
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Danielle
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That's the thing about post-traumatic stress disorder -- sometimes even the most innocent things can turn into triggers. She didn't even really know why she was so upset and couldn't really think straight enough to figure it out, either. All she knew was that she hurt and it was like there was this huge, gaping hole in her chest where her tears were coming from. Strange, because she hadn't even realized she was crying, and when she did it only seemed to make it worse, because she never wanted to cry in front of him. She never wanted to cry in front of anyone.

"Dani, we don't have to talk about it anymore. We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. Just know that when you do want to, I'm here, ok."

She wasn't used to comfort and when Alex pulled her into his arms she was stiff and shaking, and she hid her face against his chest, shaking her head. "I can't, I can't," she repeated over and over. "I don't know what's wrong, I don't know anything anymore."

He tried to calm her down and it seemed to be working, but it wasn't really his words that were comforting her. It was merely his presence, the security of his strong arms around her, the sound of his heartbeat beneath her ear and the warmth of his skin that she could feel through her clothes. It wasn't a cigarette, or a drink, or a pill, or a line, but it was something just as real, just as tangible, and she latched onto it as if it was her only link to reality.

And maybe it was.

Slowly, her trembling stopped and the tears began to dry on her cheeks, but she didn't let him go just yet, though she wasn't quite sure when she had let go of herself and had started holding on to him. It didn't really matter, though, all that mattered was that he was there and he was doing his best to help her. She felt bad for reacting the way she had, but she hadn't been able to help it. She never was, and she hated that about herself, hated the fact that she couldn't control her emotions.

She was silent for a decent amount of time, the only sounds in the car being the rumble of the engine as they left the city towards Salem and their breathing. Finally, though, she sniffed quietly, looking up to him with her head on his shoulder, and spoke.

"Is your vest really hot pink?"
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Havok
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She cuddled against him, calming down and he wished that he was something more for her. Maybe he could make her better somehow, maybe... Well, Alex didn't know what else to be or how to change things. So what he was was a warm body to lean against, to be with. He downed another of the tiny bottles of something brown that would warm him even more, and wondered silently, not for the first time, if he had gotten himself in over his head with X-Factor. After all, who was he to try and help other people when he couldn't really even help himself?

But, he realized too that if Dani wasn't here, she'd be out there doing God knows what. Alister would probably be in a SHIELD facility, his 'monsters' poked and prodded and examined for use as weaponry... if someone worse didn't have him. Whatever it was though, it wouldn't be good.

Alex closed his eyes, his arms still around her, their legs entwined in something that was not passion for once, but had the same root need, the same desperation to just for one a little bit not be so very alone. He was in trouble here, they both were, and Lorna, God, she was going to hate him when she found this out, probably not going to buy the 'I slept with her because we were lonely but it meant nothing' line truth or not. What the fuck was he going to do here? What the fuck was he going to do?

She quieted and Alex, who had really not gotten a lot of sleep, and was more than a bit wiped out in his mentality, emotionality, physicality and sobriety... had just about dozed off when she spoke softly, "Is your vest really hot pink?"

He didn't open his eyes, a smile crossing his face, "Yup, sure is. Apparently we have to match with the bridesmaids, and they are in black and pink. Scott's the lucky one. He gets black... of course, he's lucky because he's not going to have to see the pink anyhow. Sometimes not seeing colors is a blessing, I guess."

It was an easy topic, a safe one, and Alex didn't mind slipping into it. Dani knew he was here, and that's what mattered. She knew.
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