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Renewal; [Alix]
Topic Started: Mar 18 2009, 08:25 AM (404 Views)
Julio Richter
Unregistered

Place in Timeline – January 25th
Time of Day – 7:00 pm



Julio stood behind the kitchen counter putting the finishing touches on a turkey sandwich for Alix and him. He grabbed a knife and cut the sandwiches diagonally, and poured some chips on the plate beside them. Dropping some ice cubes into two classes he filled them with ginger ale. Picking up the tray he exited the kitchen and headed up to Alix’s room where she and he would hopefully share a meal together. Alix had been back a month now and they had spent very little time together. What time they did spend it felt a bit forced and awkward. Like Julio, Alix was reserved, but they had made progress in opening up to each other; however, they seem to have gotten more distant from each other.

As Julio climbed the stairs he began to think about the long conversation that could take place. There was so much they had to say to each other and so much he wanted to say to her, but he just couldn’t find the words most of the time. He didn’t want to force her to open up so most of the time they sat together in silence. She knew about some things already, such as him being addicted to KICK, but hadn’t told her about sneaking out to murder Gambit. He didn’t really know how to begin, and he certainly didn’t want to throw at her all at once. <All of this information is just so overwhelming,> he thought.

Balancing the tray on one hand Rictor turned the knob with his other and entered Alix’s room. He pushed the door shut with his foot and set the tray on a nightstand by her bed. He hoped he hadn’t been projecting his thoughts out loud again. That was one of the last things Alix needed. If KICK was only good for one thing it made him so paranoid it gave him plenty practice at not projecting his thoughts. “I brought you a sandwich,” he said softly not really anticipating an answer.

He left her drink on the tray, making sure it was within reach, and set her plate beside her. He grabbed his plate and drink, setting it on the floor beside him, and sat a few feet away giving her room to eat. “It’s not much, but just incase you’re hungry,” he added.
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Alix
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Telepathy, Telekinesis / Empathy
She'd decided to let him in this time and not sit in utter silence, not act as if everything from returning to the school to his use of Kick was the worst possible thing that could've ever happened. Partly, she'd planned on returning and being just fine; she'd survived it, right? Made it through. No one thought she was weak or any of the other various thoughts that managed to remain strong even after a month of being back with her team. Back home. Safe. But she'd thought them, and she'd let them hold her back and down, selfishly ignoring everything else that'd been going wrong. Before, she would've thrown herself into anything she possibly could've done to forget. Every dangerous mission, every possible rescue; anything and everything to get away. But this time she hadn't. She knew about Rictor, what had been going on for him emotionally- his worry and his want to say more somehow managing to allow him to say more; even if she didn't know the specifics. He'd gotten good at blocking his thoughts, something that had tweaked her interest. She always had been someone who needed to know- had to know.

A whole month. January 25th. Christmas hadn't been about presents- it'd been about freedom, ironically a far better thing than any token gift she could've been given. Longshot's painting hung out of place in her undecorated room, the lack of decoration around making the painting stand out even more.

::I'm sorry I wasn't there.:: she spoke after him, suddenly as she wasn't honestly sure where to start. In some part, it was vaguely clear that she didn't mean during her time away from everyone, her intentions as always at least somewhat obvious through her own subconscious telepathy. But realized he probably wouldn't catch it and really, even if he did- this was something that needed to be said. No- had to be said. ::I don't mean.. while.. you know But when I came back. When Jon found out about.. you know. I should've been there for you. I was selfish. I am sorry.:: She didn't pick up the sandwich just yet. Instead, she simply sat, eyes focused onto Rictor in simple glazed restraint just barely ebbing through her emotions. She was trying to keep calm, though clearly- just vaguely.. wasn't making it.
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Julio Richter
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Julio picked up a potato chip and ate it. The sounding crunch seemed to resonate through silence that filled the room. It sounded as if it were tiny pieces of glass from a shattered windowpane dancing across the ground. It was weird how normally quiet overlooked sounds always seemed to become excruciatingly loud and time seemed to stop in these awkward situations. The small gulp of swallowing brought the shattering crunch to an end. His heavy repetitive pulse sounded like the military marching in perfect form. It continued on and on and on. ::I'm sorry I wasn't there,:: she said softly making all of the other noises seem nonexistent.

Julio tried not to look too puzzled. In spite of everything that has happened to her, Alix seemed to always find no fault in anyone but herself. It was no one’s fault that Rictor kept using KICK but his own. It was he who hid it from everyone, and it was he who kept going out to buy more to keep up his habit. “Don’t be silly, Alix.” Rictor said, “None of this is your fault. If anyone should be sorry about this it’s me.”

::I don't mean.. while.. you know But when I came back. When Jon found out about.. you know. I should've been there for you. I was selfish. I am sorry,:: she apologized trying to keep her composure.

He wanted to be closer to her; to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything would be fine. He didn’t though. He remained where he was. She was very fragile just then both mentally and physically. She had been through a lot with the brotherhood, and Dr. Sin’s torture was particularly traumatizing. Alix was just now at the point where was starting to open up and let him back in again. He didn’t want to cross those personal boundaries and cause her to further shut her self off from everyone.

He looked down at the comforter for a moment before looking back up into her eyes. Nothing said right now was going to be easy, but it had to be said. “Please don’t feel bad for not being here,” Rictor said softly. “There was nothing you could do to have made any difference. In a small horrible way, I’m glad you weren’t here to see me fall into that pit. I searched day and night every nook and cranny for you to just get you back here. I was so afraid for you not knowing where you were or even if you were okay. I think even at one point I was more afraid of finding you. I knew if I did that you would see what I had become and what I was doing.” He looked away from her for a moment ashamed with himself. “When I first saw you in the holding cell I new I couldn’t tell you. There was just so much you had been through, and I just couldn’t add to it.”

He decided to let some of it rest at that. She needed to absorb the information gradually. Alix was strong, but still with her state of mind it could overwhelm her. Right now all he wanted to do was make things better for her.
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Alix
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When he spoke, her demeanor changed, a wave of dull relief and acceptance- as if saying so made it ok. Just like that, she regained what control she had. For a moment she listened before, simply, she smiled a half-hearted patronization and raised her eyes to focus onto his intently as if about to shake her head in argument. She didn't move, however. There was no need, really, her emotions never something she expressed physically but far more in her own mental words.::I know it's not my fault, Julio. And you shouldn't be sorry about anything. What's there to be sorry about? You're here now, aren't you?:: Her stubbornness was apparent as always.

Even still, she let him speak, intently listening to every word he uttered. If it'd been another time and another circumstance, she might've been angry about the drugs. Harsh- critical. Expectantly so as her previous life had been more than wrapped up in the affairs of drug deals. But now? Where they were at? It was impossible to even think about being remotely upset. How could she? Everything that had happened When he looked away, she leaned forwards and gingerly rested her hand against his jaw. A bold move if ever, but what else could she do? She had to show him- even if a little- in her own subtle manner that she was better. That she was as ok as she was going to be until the next big fight came. Until there was something for her to dedicate herself to. Up until now, she'd felt as if she'd been living in a shadowed haze- everything in slow motion.

::Nothing would've changed, even if I had seen you fall into that pit. You've been here all along, no matter the fact that we've not been you and I together for long at all... But... I'm here now and I'll do the same that you did for me.:: Everything felt ok- His words, his confession that could've made most even more upset only seemed to trigger her innate, but always clear, need to help. To protect. She'd been so upset and emotional but now.. there was something else to think about. There wasn't anymore danger of her shutting herself out from everything.

::it's going to be different now. I.. lost something.. But I'm still alive and so are you. I'm still afraid too... but I think I'm supposed to feel that way.::
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Julio Richter
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Sorry. Such a small word could provide such great comfort, but held no power to change anything. To some it was a sign of weakness. To others it was a sign of love and compassion. For Rictor it depended on the situation. Right now he meant love and compassion. The two were very stubborn and could go back and forth saying how sorry they were all night never giving in to each other. As if sensing it Alix simply let him know that they were there… together.

::Nothing would've changed, even if I had seen you fall into that pit. You've been here all along, no matter the fact that we've not been you and I together for long at all... But... I'm here now and I'll do the same that you did for me.:: She said placing her hand on his jaw. ::it's going to be different now. I.. lost something.. But I'm still alive and so are you. I'm still afraid too... but I think I'm supposed to feel that way.::

Rictor understood her being scared. Scared was normal. She’d gone through more than what most people do in a lifetime. “It’s okay to be scared,” he said moving closer to her. “I’m just glad to have you back.” Rictor could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest. His fingers tingled and his palms sweat. He didn’t really know why. He’d never really felt like this with another woman before. He inched closer to her and hopefully what he was about to do wouldn’t scare her off. “Now maybe we can keep a closer eye on each other,” he said softly his lips just inches away from hers.

He was about close the gap between them, but he curled his lips together and pulled back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean too… I hope I didn’t…” he stammered letting it hang in the air for a moment feeling a little stupid. After a small silence he said, “There’s something else you should know. I almost killed Gambit one night. My searching for you had finally paid off and when I found out that he had you I just couldn’t hold back anymore. I went after him determined to end his life that night, and I was very damn close. I could feel his life slipping away. I could feel his erratic heartbeat in my bones through the floor, and I remember wanting to make it stop so badly it hurt.”

He waited for her to take the information in and her reaction before he said anything else.
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Alix
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Together. The very idea of such a thing was so frightening while simultaneously being the single most exciting thing she could fathom in those moments that she couldn't know how to react. There'd been Pyro- but that'd been strange. Forced. A rehash of his emotion into her that was based completely off what he felt, what he thought. She'd been Alix, going through the motion. But now? She was certain it wasn't that. This was a real together and a real emotion that she near pessimistically wondered if it could really last- that was the real source of her slight twinge of fear. Loosing it, like everything before. But this was different now. She'd been lost and then found; but he hadn't left. That had to have meant something. He moved closer and she swallowed; though didn't pull back. It was new; far from the rushed sentiments that Pyro had shown and Julio was certainly far more nervous.

He spoke but really; she only half heard what was actually said. His emotions, his thoughts- everything she could pick up spoke so much louder than he did. He spoke softly and she closed her eyes, her own heart beat suddenly picking up speed; for a moment, it startled her- the rush of emotion that wasn't anyone elses but her own.

Suddenly, however- he pulled back; half cautiously she opened her eyes, his sudden apology sparking a genuine, uninfluenced by anything else, smile. ::No.. I mean, you didn't... It's alright:: She took his hands and gave a small nod before just barely faltering as he begun to speak again.

What could she say? He'd nearly killed Gambit.. The name alone made her nervous, uncertain, and more than a little hazy. He had done something terrible, right? Something she should've wanted Rictor to kill him for. But at the same time... she didn't necessarily feel that. The entire time in the container was a haze of drugs- anything that had gone on was as unclear to her as it was to anyone else. She'd not spoken about it, of course but now..

::But you didn't.:: If she'd spoken regularly, the statement might've been hard to decipher. Was she happy he didn't? Or was it anger that he didn't avenge her? But with Alix her voice held much more than simple words- her emotion was always immediately clear without a hint of physical expression. She wasn't completely happy that he'd not killed him. But she wasn't completely angry either. ::It's alright, I mean... I don't really know what to say or how to feel about... everything.. I really don't remember what happened-:: She looked strained in those moments, as if trying to grasp at a memory that simply wasn't there. It was frustrating in the least- not remembering for someone who was so very intent on everything to do with the mind.

::I.. should remember something like that.:: She glazed over the topic barely and delicately, hardly liking the concept in thought much less in conversation. Even if she did know it needed to be talked about. ::You had the means, you acted; Everyone has those moments... What made you stop?:: She questioned, though paused. ::If you want to tell me, that is.. You don't have to... I mean, is this something I'm supposed to be angry for? I just don't know.::
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Julio Richter
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::But you didn't.::

Julio was surprised by her words. She held his hands to comfort him, but at the same time her words were kind of bland. She certainly didn’t seem surprised by his actions, but why did she seem almost disappointed? Surely she wasn’t mad at him for not killing Gambit. It’s no secret from her that he killed many people in his past, but did she truly want him to do it again? ::It's alright, I mean... I don't really know what to say or how to feel about... everything.. I really don't remember what happened-:: Alix said as if sensing his confusion. ::I.. should remember something like that.::

Rictor didn’t need telepathy to see that she tense and touchy with the subject matter. “No. It’s probably a good thing you don’t remember it. It makes the healing process easier. Though we can’t change anything that happened you’ll get better and you’ll be stronger. Don’t let have any satisfaction with what he’s done. He’ll get what’s coming to him,” Rictor said tightening his grip on her hands slightly.

It was a little gesture, but body language could say so much. Between the two it meant that he was there for her and to comfort her. Little by little he spoke of the battle between him, Longshot, and Gambit. He spoke a line or two of Longshot’s childlike mentality and how it was Longshot that discovered the truth about what happened to her at the Brotherhood. He hoped he wasn’t too blunt with her, but measuring it up against what happened to her recently Julio didn’t think he was.
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Alix
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Her hands tensed in his, worried for just the breath of a moment. She understood what he meant, honestly. It was hard, in part, to understand the way her mind worked- the twists and turns she could take without so much as a hint of something behind it. When his grip tightened, she looked towards him and barely smiled, though it did not reach her near quizzical eyes.

::No one else... really knows about everything, right? I.. mean.. They know I was gone and that they held me-:: she shifted, her strange eyes betraying so much more to him than she would've ever allowed to anyone else. So much more than she'd even begin to say- she was worried.. not because of her reputation but because, honestly, she wanted it to be over. To be gone and forgotten like every other horrible detail of the past.

::I don't want to think about it anymore.. but I can't stop. Even when I tried...:: She half whispered into his mind, the strangeness of her manner of speaking long ago cast away. She glanced over him searchingly a few moments, her hands still warm in his with every fiber of compassion and care. Still- she leaned back, slowly- her eyes still never once breaking eye contact with his, Managing maintain that same searching glaze. Looking for something-anything, it was hard to even begin to guess what she was trying to decide or fine. For a second, a slight hesitance slipped it's way into her guarded features.

Until, slowly, her eyes shifted to the sandwich beside her that just didn't seem to be important. Not really, not physically. To so many it was everything they needed- survival. Food. Nourishment. Sure; she knew she needed food to survive- it was the most basic of human instincts. But now? Now all she could see, hear, and feel was everything behind the sandwich. The care that'd gone into it- not being made, but why. The physical could rot. She was happy with the notion. The care- everything Rictor was, is, and could be.. laid out in a simple sandwich.

Lethargic for a moment, she snapped from it silently looking back towards Julio silently. With a suddenness that lingered with a sort of slow inward grace she slipped her hands from his. In what could've been misconceived as a aversion if she hadn't suddenly been so close, she embraced him. Inches away as he had been, her eyes raised- a sudden level of emotion suddenly so clear that the color, the size- anything physical- didn't seem to show. There was nothing. Nothing but the complexities of emotion that riveted her mind. Her voice sounded, an almost whisper that was riddled with the same emotion of her eyes.

::Whatever happens, you are everything to me.::

There was a second. A brief moment of time that could've been forever or could've never passed, creeping through the tiny room with overwhelming vividness. The second passed and with the same unexpected suddenness of before coupled with a building anticipation that required no measure of time. Silently, she closed the space between them with all of the unspoken emotion that'd never stoop to describable vivaciousness and delicately- though passionately- brushed her lips against his in all of the expected and unexpected notions of a first kiss.
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