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How to be Co-Dependant; [closed]
Topic Started: Aug 15 2009, 12:08 AM (266 Views)
Lorna Dane
Unregistered

Date: 29th July
Time: Just after Anger Management.
JP ALEX AND LORNA

Lorna hugged her arms more tightly around her legs, resting her head against the wall which her and Alex’s bed sat next to. She should be sleeping, she should not be awake, that much she was certain of. She didn’t want to be Alex’s keeper, or to force him to feel constrained but she couldn’t help but wake up and find herself unable to sleep again whenever he was gone from their bed. The impossibly long time they had been parted, while he was under the influence of Apocalypse was still fresh in her mind, the memory raw and immediate whenever Alex left her for his night time patrols. Lorna knew it was something he needed to do, to help him deal, but still it didn’t sit easily with her.

Downstairs she heard the quiet sound of the front door closing and carefully she manoeuvred herself back under the covers, turning away from the door and closing her eyes. It probably didn’t fool him, she acknowledged, but she tried to convince both of them that she didn’t lie awake the whole time he was gone, wishing he was safe with her.

His head was still buzzing with misplaced anger. Logically, realistically, he knew it wasn't Box's fault, none of this was, but Jesus, he just pushed the buttons, probably not even meaning to, just pushed and pushed with his cold machine-like logic and demeanor. He didn't seem to understand, no one did. Alex stormed up the stairs, maybe louder than he needed to be, in petulance and general pissed off-ed-ness. He entered the room he shared with Lorna, and only the sight of her curled in their bed, trying to pretend she was asleep, kept him from slamming the door. He sat on the edge of the bed, on her side because he needed to be closer to her right now, and hung his grey face in his gloved hands, not having bothered to replace the repaired Image Inducer.

"I'm sorry, Babe," he muttered, "I can't keep this up."

Lorna heard him come into the room, felt the weight of him settle on the bed, near her. Slowly she pushed herself into a sitting position, watching him as he rested his head in his hands, the pale grey of his skin and hair on show for once. Lorna moved forwards and knelt beside him, resting her hand on the back of his neck and gently massaging over his skin. “Don’t apologise, honey. It’s okay...” She said softly, moving closer to him, freezing suddenly as she caught a familiar scent. “Alex, have you been... were you... were you in a bar?” Lorna asked, trying her best to keep her voice level and simply curious, not accusing in any way.

Alex closed his eyes. Damn it. He'd been so locked up in his anger, he hadn't sent the blast of his powers through himself that would burn away the alcohol. His temper tantrum had knocked him out of whatever pleasant buzz he'd worked up, but he... damn it. Maybe part of him wanted to get caught. Maybe... he wasn't introspective enough to speculate. "I wasn't in a bar," he told her, honestly, "But, yeah, I had a couple drinks. I just... It wasn't anything really. Just a couple beers, that's all, no hard liquor..." He slipped out from under her hands, "I'm sorry... I just... I can handle it."

Lorna ran a hand through her hair, watching as Alex moved away from her, pressing her lips together and remaining silent for a long moment as she considered what to say. She knew she had to tread carefully, to avoid pushing him further away from her. How was she supposed to help him? A tense knot of guilt and sadness was forming inside Lorna has she lowered her gaze to watch her hands as she clasped them together, trying to be calm. “How long have you been drinking for?” She asked quietly.

His shoulders hitched as he heaved a great, tired, miserable sigh. "Since I got out of the holding cell," he admitted, "It's not a big deal. I just... need some time to get back to where I was, that's all, and I'm a fucking grown up, right? I deserve something to..." Alex got up, and began to remove his jacket and gloves, quick angry movements, just so he didn't have to look at her right now, "You know, I had a really hard night, and I don't really want to get a lecture right now, ok? I just want to go to bed and try to get a few hours of sleep before I have to get up and face this shit all over again. Is that all right?"

“I’m not going to lecture you.” Lorna said, trying to keep the hurt and shock from her voice at the sudden anger from Alex. She had grown accustomed to his quick changes in mood, but sometimes they still startled her. With a soft sigh, Lorna crossed her arms, keeping her gaze down as she saw him rip off his gloves and jacket out of the corner of her eye. “It’s fine, if you don’t want to talk about it now, then we don’t have to, but we are going to have to discuss it at some point. I know this is hard, Alex, I can’t even imagine how hard, and you’re doing so well, but drinking isn't going to make it any easier in the long run.”

"No, but it makes it easier in the short term, doesn't it," he snapped. "And, for someone who wasn't going to lecture, you're doing a hell of a job. I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself. If I wanted to live with a warden I would have stayed at the school with my asshole brother," He turned away, to unfasten his headpiece and he caught sight of himself in the mirror over the dresser, reflecting his altered visage, his face dark and grey, his eyes almost glowing with his anger. He clenched his hand into a fist and then, suddenly launched a blast of his powers out into the mirror, shattering it. A piece of glass striped his cheek, and his hand flew up to the slight wound, startled. "FUCK!" he spat, "Son of a BITCH!"

Lorna flinched, her body turning away instinctively, hands rising up automatically to protect herself as the mirror exploded and shards of glass burst out into the room. She felt the pinprick of glass on her right shoulder as it settled with the sound of Alex’s snapped words. Her breath came rapidly, heart beating harder than usual, as she turned back to face Alex, rising to her feet but not moving any closer to him. “I think it would be best if we talked about this tomorrow.” She suggested.

"How will it be better tomorrow?" Alex muttered, stemming the trickle of blood from the cut with the cuff of his containment suit. "How is it ever going to be better, babe? I can't stop this. I can't stop any of this. I almost killed someone tonight, some mugger... I thought... he was just a dumb ass kid in a gang... whole family was killed by soldiers of War... my soldiers. People I set to burn and destroy. Jesus, I think in the face of that a drink now and then is a pretty small ass crime, you know?"

“I don’t know how it will be better tomorrow.” Lorna said truthfully, hugging her arms around herself, feeling the night of no sleep beginning to catch up with her as the surge of adrenaline brought on by the smashing mirror began to fade. “But clearly you’re not in the right kind of mood to talk about anything right now.” She shifted her weight to one side as he explained what had happened tonight and she shook her head slightly when he finished. “It’s not a crime Alex, but you worked so hard before to stay sober, and I know in the light of everything that happened it might seem the only way of coping, but it’s not, it’s really not.”

He slumped in the chair on the opposite side of the room, slumped miserably and defeated. "What other way is there?" he muttered, "What else is there? Am I going to  always be like this? From now on? Is it ever going to end?"

Lorna sat down on the side of the bed, still unsure as to whether it was a good idea to go near Alex, or whether that would just make it worse. Her heart broke at his words, aching for him and for the fact she had no idea how to help him. “I don’t know Alex, I really don’t know. I really wish I could tell you it was going to be okay but I don’t know that. I have faith in you though, that you will find a way through this, and I will give you whatever help I can.”

She sat down on the edge of the bed, and promised to help him, like she always promised, and every time, she'd come through, every last time. He had failed her time and time again, and she, she never gave up hope. Alex stood up, and crossed the room to her, falling on his knees in front of her. He buried his face in her lap and whispered, "I'm scared to death that I'm lost. That even though I'm not his anymore... that I'll never be my own again. I'll quit drinking, babe, I promise, I promise. I'll stop, just... I need help and I don't think I deserve any."

Lorna stroked her hand gently through his hair, which was slowly returning the blonde it had been before Apocalypse had taken him. “I don’t know how or when things are going to get better but I know one thing for certain; you deserve all the help in the world. Whatever happens, you will find a way to be yourself again. You broke free of his control, remember? You’ve done so well, you just need to be patient now. I’m so proud of you though, for coming this far. Everything else, the drinking.. it will work out in time.” Lorna said softly, as she bent forwards to kiss the top of his head. “I’m sorry if I pushed you or make you feel like you’re living with a warden.” She apologised gently as she straightened up again. “I love you, baby.”

Alex looked up and he managed a smile, "I love you too, beautiful." He got up and slipped beside her, "I'm sorry I'm such a needy, cranky asshole sometimes. I just need the world to be better, I need myself to be better. But you... you're already perfect, everything I never dared to hope for. I just really need you right now, and I'm scared that you're going to get tired of it, tired of me."

Lorna reached out and gently touched the side of his face where glass had cut in, inspecting it to see if it might need some medical attention. She smiled as he apologised and slipped her hand into his, resting her forehead on his shoulder. “I think you have every right to be a needy, cranky asshole.” Lorna pointed out, lightly, relieved that they were back on level ground again. “I’m not going to get tired, and I’m not going anywhere.” She reassured him, tightening her fingers around his hand. “I’m in the for the long haul.”

"You've no idea what you're in for," he joked lightly, putting his head against hers, and enjoying her closeness. His anger and fear was at last fading, her presence always having that strange mixture of soothing and exciting to it. Alex sighed. softly. With Lorna near him, with her at his side, maybe he could survive all this. "Will you kill Jeffries for me, babe? It's like he purposely tries to get my goat."

Lorna laughed softly, and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “I could probably make his robot magnetise to something.” She mused, kissing him again, moving to his lips this time and lingering there. “But right now, all I want to do is sleep.... will you be joining me?” She questioned teasingly as she stroked the side of his face.

She kissed him, and he kissed back, wishing there wasn't the taste of beer on his breath, but she didn't seem to mind at the moment. She teased him and invited him into the bed, and Alex smiled, other thoughts than war in his mind at the tone in her voice and the touch of her hand. "There's no other place I want to be," he said, "I love you, Lorna Dane, and I'm going to love you until the day I die. That's one promise I am never going to break."

“In that case, you should probably marry me.” Lorna pointed out, the comment said wryly, but as she spoke, she realised that she was serious. She released his hand and straightened a little bit next to him. It would be lying to say that she had not thought of marriage to Alex before, but it had been something she tried not to think about, imagining that neither of them would ever be in a position for it to make sense. But it did, right at that moment, after all they had been through, when their need for each other was so great, and with such ease they pledged to be with each other forever, it made sense. Feeling suddenly nervous, Lorna reached out to gently turn Alex’s face towards her. “I know this is out of the blue, and probably completely the wrong timing but when have we ever done anything at the right time?” She drew in a shaky breath and smiled tentatively. “Will you marry me Alex?”

His breath caught in his chest and he stared at her astonished, his blue irises completely surrounded by the whites of his eyes, "You... are you serious? I... Lorna, yes, right here and right now if you want," Alex caught her in his arms, "Babe, I've wanted to since... God, my whole life, it seems." He kissed her, passionately, "I love you so much, but I never thought....I should have asked you..." He laughed, "God, we do everything backwards, you and me, but, Babe, I am going to get you the biggest diamond on the planet." His words, his train of thought was scattered, so scattered, but he was happy, and that in and of itself was a miracle.

Relieved, delighted laughter escaped Lorna as Alex said yes, that moment of doubt when she wondered if she had totally misjudged, dissipating immediately. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, kissing him back with equal passion, feeling blissfully happy and wanting nothing more than to remain in his embrace forever. After all they had been through... even minutes earlier when they had been arguing... she couldn’t have imagined reaching this point, but somehow they had. “Big diamond, small diamond, I don’t care, just promise me we don’t have to have a huge, fussy wedding.” Lorna said, giggling as she moved to seat herself in Alex’s lap, leaning her forehead against his.

"We'll elope," Alex smiled, as she settled into his lap, "You, me, and a priest in the mountains, or on the beach, hell, City Hall if you want. The wedding isn't as important as the marriage," He chuckled, "But I was hoping to pay Scotty back for that pink vest." He cuddled her tight, nuzzling against her and said, "I can't wait for the honeymoon though."

“Eloping sounds perfect. You know what our lovely team members will be like if they get an idea of what’s going on.” Lorna said, unable to stop smiling from sheer happiness as she cuddled closer into Alex... her fiancé... it was a weird, but entirely wonderful thought. “Mm, we should find somewhere remote, where no one can bother us.” She stated, closing her eyes blissfully. “And no one can get in contact.”

Alex pulled her down into the bed with him, his bride-to-be, and he snuggled next to her, "And tonight started out to be such shit. Only you could flip things so completely for me, Beautiful." He kissed her throat, down to her shoulder, "Whatever you want, I just want you, I just want you."

“Just you...” Lorna murmured, tilting her head back a little as his lips met the sensitive skin of her throat, smiling with pleasure. “I’m a girl of very simple needs.” She said with a light smirk as her hands slid around to find the fastening on Alex’s containment suit, allowing herself, for the first time in what seemed like forever, to hope for the future.
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