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| I fought the law, and the law won; Cyclops, Elixir | |
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| Topic Started: Oct 10 2010, 10:06 PM (365 Views) | |
| Elixir | Oct 10 2010, 10:06 PM Post #1 |
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Time of day: 14:23 Place in the timeline: September 7th (shortly after Scott's return from his recruitment trip) Josh stood there for what felt like half an hour, hand on the doorknob and afraid to actually twist it. He'd let his fingers slide off it what... three times? In reality, Josh had only been there about three minutes, heart pounding in his chest and throat dry as the dust bowl. He didn't want to go in there... he really didn't want to go in there. Why couldn't Logan have just dealt out the punishment and be done with it? Sure... the feral had said that it was Scott's call, but still... Wolverine was intimidating, but in many ways, Cyclops was even more intimidating. When Logan was angry, he was just pissed off and gave you the 'I'm gonna kill you' face. Scott was different; he rarely seemed to get angry at his students... it was more of a quiet disappointment. The man could speak volumes and make you cringe with just a few quiet words and a look from that seeming expressionless gaze. The fact that you couldn't see his eyes just made it worse. It might not have bothered some of the students, but Josh really looked up to Scott Grey-Summers. The man had complete self control, was always thinking and coming up with solutions to problems in the heat of battle. He ran this school full of hormonal mutants successfully... all on top of leading a superhero team that had spit in the face of world destruction more than once. In some ways, Scott had taken the place of Foley's father and brother. Seeing Cyclops disappointed with him was probably one of the worst things that Josh could suffer. Swallowing with difficulty, Josh gripped the doorknob for a fourth time; Scott had asked to come and see him. Elixir wasn't going to disappoint him further. With a light knock on the door, Josh twisted the knob and opened it just enough to stick his head through. “Cyclops? You uh... wanted to see me?” |
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| Cyclops | Oct 10 2010, 10:54 PM Post #2 |
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"I don't think 'wanted' is the exact wording I would have chosen," Scott said, indicating the seat in front of his desk, "I think 'needed' is more apropos. Take a seat, Josh, it's clear we have some talking to do." He rubbed his forehead in that tired way that had become almost ingrained in him in the months since his return from the other world and the life of the other man he could have been, and he said, "You know, I can't help but think this whole situation is, in most of the ways that count, my fault. I maybe promoted you too quickly, maybe put too much pressure on you to excel too quickly, didn't take into account that above everything else, you're still a very young man. Are you eighteen yet? The school is growing so fast, I can't keep track of things like that anymore. Ask me about power levels, I can recite them Birthdays? Jean has to nudge me." He looked at the boy, really for the first time in a long time. Josh had been changed by what happened on the moon, with the Inhumans, and it had hurt him enough to put him in a coma. The boy that woke up several months later was clearly not the boy that had fallen beneath that dark and dreamless emptiness of broken mind, broken body. Scott understood that so completely. He'd been different as a ten year old on his last family plane trip, than he'd been as an eleven year old who confused left and right for the better part of six months after. How exactly did one tell a teenager that though? How did one reach through a hardened shell of angst and crack it without spilling it everywhere? Scott thought that the answer to that might be even more elusive than finding mutant and human harmony. If he was aware that Josh looked up to him, it was not something Scott would have put much stock in. He didn't really consider himself as being a role model. He never expected anyone to reach the goals he set for himself. But, he did expect them to set their own goals, and work towards them. "You want to tell me your side of all of this, Josh? I've been... clearly... negligent in what I promised you when you came here," Scott said, quietly, "I told you I'd help you, I told you I'd keep you safe, make a life you could live... Circumstances have not gone as foreseen. If I've failed you, I'm sorry, and I need you to work with me to get things back on track for us both." |
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| Elixir | Oct 11 2010, 04:09 AM Post #3 |
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Josh didn't even make it to his seat; he stopped dead in his tracks as soon as Scott mentioned that what had happened was mostly his fault. The statement threw the kid off so much that he almost forgot how to walk, let alone why he had been walking. His eyes were glued to Cyclops' as he tried to piece together what the headmaster had just said to him. Wait... what? His fault? How the hell could this be his fault? I've been knocking my knees together and he's... what? He licked his lips, finally remembering how to move his feet. “Uh... yeah. Eighteen,” he rasped, taking a seat and clearing his throat. He had been at least a little prepared before. Now though... he had no clue where to take this. Scott had completely disarmed him by not telling the kid how disappointed he was in him or immediately demoting him. How was he supposed to respond to that? He asked for Josh's side, again expressing his sorrow at having failed the young man. Foley couldn't take it anymore. “Whoa,” he said, holding up his hands, “You haven't done anything like that...” he suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to call him Mr. Summers... “Cyclops. You guys have been great to me. You've had faith in me and given me a place to stay and taught me so much about my powers. If I'd never been a mutant, I might be where my brother is right now.” Josh wasn't even sure what his brother was up to these days... last he heard, he was leading a small mutant hate group at his college. His last email two months ago had been full of information about how they had been in contact with something much more organized – some church. Liam still had no clue his brother was a dirty mutant... Josh had crumpled up the letter before he'd even finished it. “No... this was my bad.” He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees as he stared at his hands... god, telling the headmaster what had happened was like pulling a rib from his chest. “I don't know. Julian... he beat the crap out of Tommy. I mean really beat him. And I was in there, and I saw Tommy laying there out of it, and it got to me. Something just snapped in my head. I couldn't take it anymore. Not after everything that's happened. I've seen people die, and people get hurt, and people cry because they've lost family. Then while things seem relatively okay... after all that stuff that happened a couple months back... one day out of the blue Tommy gets the hell beat out of him, and it wasn't some bad guy or anything... it was Julian. One of our own.” He could feel his eyes stinging. “I've always known Julian was a jerk. He's a total asshole to everybody, and I don't understand how anyone can like him, but I didn't think he could do something like this.” He finally looked up at Cyclops, “I don't care what they found in him or with him or whatever... Tommy wouldn't take any kind of drug or anything. I don't think it'd even affect him, but he didn't. I know him. It doesn't even matter. Julian could have killed him.” “And I'm not sorry I did it,” Josh continued, “I'm sorry that I'm in trouble, and I hate that you might be disappointed in me, but I'm not sorry I did it. You told me... I mean... Ruby told me that I had to stand up to people and not let them walk all over me. I needed to reach out and sometimes just take what I needed. Well I did. My friend was hurt, and I made damn sure Julian knows better.” “I know you guys already dealt with it, but I didn't care. In a way, I still don't. I'm just so angry, Scott. I don't even know why. It's getting worse, and sometimes it scares me, but I like it too. I feel powerful and in control... like I know what I want and I can finally get it, or I'm learning to. I wasn't sure if I was gonna talk to him or what... but when I saw his face, I couldn't take it. I snapped.” |
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| Cyclops | Oct 11 2010, 08:54 AM Post #4 |
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Scott watched the boy, watched him very closely as he talked. He wasn't the judge of emotion that his mentally connected wife was, but body language, he understood. One couldn't be a general without being able to read your soldiers, one couldn't be a teacher without understanding your students... one couldn't be a father without knowing your sons. This was more than just the anger of defending his friend. Keller had been disciplined for what he did, null cuffed, put on what basically amounted to house arrested, threatened with expulsion, everything that was in the school's permission to do in a case like this. Boys fight, it's what they do, but these were not just boys, they were mutant boys, powerful and dangerous, and it would have been tantamount to assault with a deadly weapon if not attempted murder in human circles. He didn't believe that Keller had wanted to kill Shepard. If he had, Scott had no doubt that Tommy would be in a grave instead of a bed in the infirmary. Keller would have been in Shield custody, if not in prison. The school protected its own from human jurisdiction as much as possible, but within limits. Students who came across borders were given aid in naturalization, students who had criminal records were rehabilitated, students who lost control were helped to find control. Outright criminal acts, however, such as assault... well, that was another matter altogether. So perhaps Keller was not punished to the fullest that would please a young man like Josh, who was one of the few kids that Scott regularly referred to by his first name, out of respect for the boy's need to distance himself from his father. Josh was not an X-Man because he was a believer in anarchy. He'd proven to be a law-abiding, for the most part, well behaved kid, which was why this whole thing was so disturbing, and Scott was not surprised to hear his criminal counterpart's name in all this. "Ruby," he said, simply, "He encouraged you to give in to your anger and take what you want, including revenge?" He reached across the desk and plucked the model of the DeHavilland Mosquito that had been his parents' coffin, running his finger idly along the cracked wing that Ruby had mended, almost perfectly. "Do you see that?" he asked Josh, showing the defect, "Do you see how it's not perfectly lined up? Slightly off kilter. Ruby broke the model, I don't know what he was doing with it, but he broke it and, though to his credit he did try to fix it, it's a perfect representation of him." It seemed odd to speak of what was essentially himself on the road not taken like this, but it was what it was, and Scott would be damned if Josh got it into his head to continue his emulation of his criminal counterpart. "Ruby was broken, Josh, and was put back together by hands that weren't exactly careful, didn't really care, only wanted him reasonably serviceable, and because of that, like this plane would, he'd fly, but not straight, and not far. He survived as long as he did because he had control of himself, and his anger was challenged into something while not exactly productive, was at least strictly regulated. I'm not condoning it, mind you, but I'm trying to explain something that's a hell of a lot more complicated than I'm really capable of explaining, I guess." Josh admitted he was angry all the time, and that he liked it, and Scott nodded, "I understand. You might not believe that, but I understand. I was, at your age, very angry. I've probably told you this before, Josh, that I didn't come here waving Xavier's flag. I was fifteen, I was alone, blind, and the small bit that I had, my dreams of military service, of flight, of reuniting with my brother, were all destroyed with the flicker of an eyelid. I was angry I would never have a normal life, the future that was the only thing that kept me getting out of bed every morning, the knowledge that one I was able, I'd leave the state home and my life would be back on the track I had laid down for it. " Scott passed his hand over his glasses, "I'm still angry, son, I'm furious at what's happened here, what I am, who I am. Ruby showed the result of surrendering to that rage, and it was only when he came here that he understood it. It's a trait of mine in every world, I suppose. We're blind to what's directly in front of us in so many ways. I'm lucky that I can hide my abilities, but I realize the difficulty when you're not. Your life doesn't have the track you expected, and I promised you something that wasn't mine to promise." He rose, coming around the desk to perch on the edge of it and he said, "Josh, I made you an X-Man because I see in you the same things the Professor saw in me. Anger that needs to be channeled into strength. Determination that needs to be turned into drive. Heart to courage, outrage to activism. What you are now is no different from Keller, or Ruby at eighteen, but you are different from what I was at your age, and that's where I failed you, whether or not you believe that. I've trained many students and brought them up to the point where I was confident enough in their abilities to promote them, but none of them as quickly as you. I'm worried that I may have allowed my emotions to cloud my judgment where you were concerned. I wanted to do for you what the Professor did for me, and I'm not the man he was. I've been, at best, an absentee mentor, and you've needed someone to help you figure out what's been going on with you, especially since the coma. I should have been here to help you. I should have done better by you, then you could have done better by yourself, so you could be anywhere but sitting in this office terrified I'm going to rip the X off your sleeves like you're a traitor in some war film." |
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| Elixir | Oct 14 2010, 05:14 AM Post #5 |
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He was so damn confused. Josh and Scott hadn't spent an inordinate amount of time before he switched places with his counterpart. They had shared a few moments, but not as many as the healer would have liked, and the headmaster could not begin to offer answers to what Foley was going through. He was encouraging but just as in the dark as everyone else, and Josh was too new to his condition to formulate a string of coherent thoughts that he could put to voice. All that to say the by the time Josh was able to wrap his mind around his condition and be vocal about it, Scott was gone; Ruby had taken over. He never forgot all those things the counterpart had said to him about being your own man... taking whatever you wanted. They were things he'd wanted to hear from someone who looked exactly like a man he'd come to trust and respect... it was as if Ruby's words had given his darker thoughts a life of their own. And now Cyclops stared at him with a model plane in his hand telling him that the man who had told him those wonderful things had been in no position to give advice. Why was Scott right and the other man wrong? What if Scott was the on worse off out of the pair? After all... his life was no walk in the park. Yes, he had deep pockets, a beautiful and caring wife, and lots of friends, but he also bore a lot of responsibility. Hodge and SHIELD were constantly bearing down on him, he was constantly dealing with parents of students, and had gone up against the likes of Apocalypse and Magneto. As far as Josh knew, Ruby didn't have those kinds of problems, and seemed content... maybe a bit bitter. Cyclops had just said that he felt like he'd failed... that he felt angry. Which one was better off? He didn't know. As he sat on the edge of the desk trying to explain to Josh how he thought he had failed his student, the young man couldn't help but look into the ruby quartz, his brow furrowed. This was it... leading up to the part where the crimes were laid out before him and his sentence was passed. He'd been promoted too quickly... faster than anyone else. Foley hadn't been mature enough to handle the pressure of being an X-Man. Cyclops hadn't been around to mentor him, and the last comment made Josh swallow hard as he sat back in his chair. He stared at Scott as he tried to formulate his reply; he wasn't sorry for what he had done, and his actions felt at least a little justified. However, he didn't want to be kicked out of the ranks of the X-Men... he liked his position and the responsibility it entailed. He liked studying with Hank and Avery in the infirmary. Something had happened to him in the Savage Land and he needed to figure out what it was and how to bend it to his will. Josh had always doggedly pushed himself to become better at whatever was put before him – failure was a personal insult. Taking a step backward was devastating and at one time he would have said almost anything to avoid seeing that happen. At least... that's the way it had been. “I know what you're gonna say,” Josh finally stated while in that place between remorse and defiance. “You're gonna say that I could have really hurt him or done something worse, and that's why you handle stuff like that.” He looked at him flatly, “I wasn't gonna kill him, if that's what you were thinking. I thought about it. I wanted to. He hurt one of my best friends for no reason, and I didn't want him around anymore, but I didn't do it. I don't know if they noticed, but I stopped before Kurt took me out of there. I was done.” “I told you. I...” He stood up suddenly and turned to the left, staring at the wall as if it had suddenly become interesting as he raked his fingers through his hair in his usual Josh manner. “You remember that trip we took to the Savage Land? The night before they came? I told you I felt something inside me and that something wasn't right. Well it's gotten worse and it's not just some crazy hormones. It's whatever happened to me back there... it's making me crazy angry sometimes, and I just get so fed up with everybody and I get bored and I'm frustrated because I can't heal a bruise like I used to.” He looked at Scott once again, “I used to do something beautiful... you and Warren and Avery told me that, but all I can do now is kill people or make them hurt. I remember a time where all I wanted was some way of hurting people because I felt useless in a Danger Room session, but now I'd give anything to go back to the way things are, and I'm scared I'll never figure out how to do that. I'm afraid whatever happened to me up there changed me like this for good. People aren't gonna want to touch me like this. I'm the reason people go to Web MD.” “I think you're right. Ruby was broken, but not everything he said can just be disregarded. He survived for a reason. “But whatever. I still didn't hurt him. Not really... not like I wanted to. I showed restraint... I know how that sounds because I just beat the crap out of him, but I did, and a large part of that's because you and the others have been teaching us discipline. That counts for something, doesn't it?” |
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| Cyclops | Oct 14 2010, 09:25 AM Post #6 |
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“I know what you're gonna say,” Josh said with that infuriatingly teenage way that suggested they knew so much more than they really did. He then listed all the lecture topics that he presumed Scott would cover, and all the while the teacher perched on the edge of his desk, with his legs crossed and his hands steepled at his chin. Finally the boy finished his verbal vomit of equal parts self defense and self loathing and Scott spread his hands. "Are you done?" he asked, "I don't think I need to tell you anything because you have all the answers, you've made up your mind that what you did you did for the right reasons, and frankly, I can't say as I blame you for that thought. You didn't see what I did to the Scrambler when I saw what he had done to my best friend, for just as unfathomable a reason. You weren't around to know how Jean dealt with my capture and torture at the hands of the Brotherhood. But let me see if I can explain a few things anyhow, and feel free to remind me that I have no idea what you're going through at every opportunity. It'll help, really." Moving back around his desk, he retook his seat and said, "You've heard about ShadowX, I assume, even though it happened before you joined us. Jean and I fell under the influence of some sort of chemical and it changed us, our behavior, our way of thinking, our morality, and it started to feel like we could do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted." Scott's voice was completely even, free of emotion, even though the events of ShadowX were amongst his darkest memories... what memory he had of it. So much of it seemed like a dream, or like his mind was too little butter spread over too much bread. "By the time we were finally confronted with what we'd become, we killed my brother for disagreeing with us, for a simple rise against our growing and all consuming tyranny, we crushed his heart. Thank God for Wanda Maximoff, or I would have to live with that today, the knowledge that, because I could, I lost complete control of myself." Leaning forward and looking at the black skinned boy, Scott said, "I don't know how to fix you, Josh. If I did, I would have done it by now. You said you're angry, well, you have a right to be. It's not fair what happened to you, none of it. You're taken from a family that can't know what you are, you're thrown into a group home with people who are not only strangers but are damn strange, over and over you're asked to face danger and horrors that the world reels from and you're expected to be the golden boy because your powers are beneficial and special and miraculous. That's a horrible life for a young man, and the people you should be able to turn to for help are at a lost, or are lost themselves. If you weren't volatile, if you weren't in pain, if you weren't so angry you wanted to punch walls, I would consider you a fool." He met Josh's eyes and he grew stern, "However, you are also an X-Man, and that demands a degree of self control that is not only responsible, but is mandatory. I didn't promote you because you could heal people, as helpful as that was. I promoted you because I believed you were capable of handling it. You want somewhere to deal with your anger, you come to me, you go to Logan, you blast robot Hellions in the Danger Room, but what you do not do, no matter how justified you think it is, what you do not do is beat the living hell out of another student under this roof. Is that completely understood? Yes, Keller likely deserved it for what he did to Mr. Shepard, but that is not how we handle things here. Ever. I'll ask you again. Is that completely understood? You have some thinking to do now about who you want to be, Josh. Until you decide that, there is going to be no way to help you." Jabbing his hand towards the hallway beyond his office, Scott said, "Mr. Keller is not an X-Man for a reason. He is neither ready nor capable to do what is necessary to serve on the active team. He's an arrogant, bullheaded, spoiled brat and he has a long way to go before he'd be ready to sacrifice, and struggle the way men like you and I will do so gladly. And, yes, Josh, I called you a man, because you are one. You're not a boy anymore, and it's time you stopped acting like one. Ruby remained a boy, concerned only with matters of money, sex and violence. He had some intelligence in him, he'd have to, but common sense? Consideration? No. None of that." Spreading his hands again, Scott said, "Or you could tell me right now that you're incapable of working to make yourself better, and that you like being this violent and furious person. You take that road and you will be removed from the active team. However, if you think I did right by you, you will do the hard work required to get back to being the Josh who I went to the moon to save." |
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| Elixir | Oct 16 2010, 03:30 AM Post #7 |
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Scott explained how cruel life had been to Josh, and Foley would have blushed if he could. He didn't want to hear about how unfair everything had been... he didn't want to be pitied or anything like that. Josh just wanted to be understood... to hear someone like Scott at least say that he saw the reason behind the young man's actions. And despite the lecture, he had gotten the satisfaction of Cyclops saying he understood why Elixir had done it. Josh didn't smile... didn't sit back in his seat with a look of satisfaction on his face, but his insides did warm at the words. At least he understood. Of course he understood... he'd mentioned being full of anger and confusion, and how the Professor had taught him to bridle it. He mentioned having let it loose against the man who had cut off Warren's wings. Cyclops told Josh to deal with his anger in the Danger Room, or go to Logan or himself... he was trying to present answers to Foley's anger problem that would be considered acceptable ways of channeling it. The boy appreciated what Scott was saying. At the end of Scott's speech, he presented Josh with a challenge – either he could man up and show discipline and responsibility, or he could continue to rage like a child. If he chose the latter, he would be removed from active duty as an X-Man. Josh hated the very thought; he took pride in the fact that he had been promoted to full X-Man status at such a young age... he had earned it, and Cyclops had helped him see that. The last thing he wanted was to have his status stripped from him – it would drive him even further back than he already was. Not to mention how embarrassing it would be when everyone else found out he got kicked off the team. “I can make myself better, Cyclops,” Josh said with ardent fervor. “That's what I've been trying to do for years now. I'm still the same guy I was two years ago. I'm just going through an adjustment period. I'm dealing with a lot, and I'm doing the best I can. I promise... I'll keep myself under control. I'll come to one of you and talk through things, and I'll do regular danger room sessions. I'll study harder. I promise... you won't be disappointed. Just... please don't kick me off...” Josh paused, unsure whether to go on. “And there's one more thing...” God... he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to bring this up after what had just happened. “I need something... something that only Jean can do for me.” He hesitated for a few moments; it was so difficult meeting his gaze as he readied himself to make this request. “I want Jean to copy the knowledge out of the heads of leading scientists and doctors and put it in my mind.” He hurried on with an explanation before Scott had a chance to tell him no, holding up both his hands in front of him to display his ebony skin, “This whole thing doesn't exist anywhere else. I don't understand it, and I've read tons of books. Scott... I can't figure out how to fix myself right now, and it could take years before I begin to understand how I work. I know I can heal again... I just don't understand the body on the kind of level I need to make things right.” |
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| Cyclops | Oct 16 2010, 07:43 PM Post #8 |
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The broken young healer reacted at Scott had hoped, to be honest, but he wasn't going let him show him any sort of unkind and gloating reaction. Scott, contrary to popular belief, did not enjoy having to be the disciplinarian all the time, did not want to be the one who was faced with frightening the children into behaving. But as he had told him, Josh was no longer a child, despite his youth, he was no more a child than even the youngest of the first class had been by the time they were activated as a team. By that time, they had seen and done too much, and Josh, well, hadn't he suffered the same sort of trial by fire? "Don't beg, Josh," Scott said, "Don't give me excuses or make promises. Just do it. Do what it takes to prove you deserve that X I gave you." He leaned back in his seat, "Do you remember what it was that you did that showed me you were ready?" How much of what had happened in the Savage Land when the boy had been hypnotized by Sauron did he recall? "I asked you to do something that you resisted, that you hated me for, but you did it because it was the right thing to do, and you knew that I wouldn't ask if it wasn't. That's a level of trust that many of our older members of the active team have not reached. Trust me now, Josh, the way I trust you are going to make the right moves here. Spines were invented for two reasons. So that we might stand up, for something, occasionally in life... and to remind us what pain feels like. If you're an X-Man, I expect you to have a backbone, and not be afraid of what lies ahead. It's hard, it hurts, and sometimes you will just want to break someone in half. But, we are the good guys, Josh, you understand that, we are the heroes in the story of this world, and I saw that other place, I saw that other world where we weren't. I don't want to see it again." Josh asked his request then, and Scott frowned, steepling his fingers under his chin, "Hmmm," he said, "I'm not big on using telepathy to bolster one's abilities, though in truth, we've used the technique before. I'm positive you'll all be grateful to know an undereducated sixteen year old did not modify the Blackbird without a bit of outside assistance. However, I studied and learned on my own to the point where I didn't need stolen knowledge anymore. You can approach Jean with this, and you can attempt to convince her to do what it is you want her to do, but I'm going to guess she'll not be incredibly inclined to do so. If she is, however, if she is, I expect to see your own studying step up a notch, understand? Learning through a telepathic download will only get you knowledge, not instinct, not skill, not genius. I believe in the value of hard work, I'm sure you've figured this out by now." He stood up, indicating that this meeting was nearing an end. "I'm not removing you from the team, Elixir, so you can relax. However, I am putting you on a probationary period of six months. You won't be going on any active assignments until you get evaluated mentally by Jean, and medically by Hank. I'd also suggest you talk to Kurt for spiritual guidance, if that's something you're comfortable with. I'm going to request that Logan work with you to teach you some anger control techniques, and from this moment on, you and I will have weekly meetings to monitor your progress, until I decide they are no longer necessary. As for what you did to Keller, I'm tempted to change your room assignment, and put the two of you together, but I fear for the safety of the school, so, instead, you and Julian, once he is recovered, are going to be on a monitored work detail. Winter is coming up, and there's a lot of wood to stack, shutters to hang, chimneys to clean. Wear old clothes." Coming around the desk to the young man's side, Scott looked him in the eyes, the stern gaze very clear even through the opaque red glasses, "One day, Josh, I'm not going to be around to lead this team. I hope that it's because there's no longer a need for the X-Men, that we'll have found the peace that we're searching for. But if not, if it just happens that I die for this dream, we're going to need you younger men and women to pick up the slack, hold our standard high. A leader doesn't need to be the best fighter. Hell, there are many on our team who are better than I. But a leader needs to be the one who is willing to do what the others aren't, make the hard decisions, the sacrifices, necessary to keep his people alive. I took on that responsibility when I was your age, and though it weighs on me heavily, and I have lost men in the field, we've managed to save the world several times. When I die, I want to know that there's someone to take my place." Putting his hand on the youth's thin shoulder, Scott said, "Stop beating yourself up for not being able to be Elixir right now. Figure out who Josh Foley is. I'll guarantee he's more than just a mutant first aid kit." |
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| Elixir | Oct 17 2010, 03:18 AM Post #9 |
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If anything, many of Scott's words made him feel worse. Spineless? Was he really being spineless? It probably wouldn't have hurt so much if Josh hadn't felt it had a ring of truth to it. In a way, Scott was telling him the very same things that Ruby had said – to be tough... to be a man... to go after the things that he valued. The difference was that while Ruby valued the things that had just been listed such as money and sex, Cyclops valued loyalty, courage, responsibility, and a life of fulfillment. Both required a strong mind and heart. Josh didn't think he had either, despite Scott's insistence that he had seen those things. Foley buried his face in his hands as Cyclops continued, feeling very lost. Josh wondered what things Scott had seen on the other side of the veil; he wondered why he himself had never switched. Why hadn't Logan let him go into the void to help the others? Had he seen all along what Scott was explaining to him now? Had Scott seen him on the other side? Maybe what would become of him? Suddenly Foley really wanted to know the answer to that question, but couldn't bring himself to ask it. Scott's answer to Josh's request was surprising; he hadn't been enthusiastic about it, but he'd at least given his permission to ask Jean. At least he knew that his idea wasn't completely horrible. “Yeah,” Josh said, finally pulling his face out of his hands, “No... I know you can't just download a bunch of info and it be perfect. It'd be like doing that with drawing. You could know all the techniques, but you still gotta practice to get good. I get that... I just think I could do more than I can now... I just need the right tools. I'll think about it for a while and ask Jean. Thanks.” He stood up as Cyclops did the same, and listened as his sentence was pronounced; most of it was completely understandable and acceptable. It made sense that Jean would need to keep an eye on him, and that regular checkups would have to be a must. He was a little wary about taking anger management classes with Logan, but if that's what he had to do, then he would. His mandatory meetings with Cyclops gave him mixed feelings... Scott had the ability to encourage him and make him feel small at the same time. It always left him feeling like he could take on anything, yet sick to his stomach at his own shortcomings at the same time. The part about having to do manual labor with Julian to prepare the mansion for winter was daunting to say the least; his eyes popped, but all he said was, “Yessir.” If Cyclops' earlier words had made him feel small, his next made his chest expand with pride... he – among the others – was the hope for tomorrow. The next generation would be the ones charged with carrying on Xavier's dream of peaceful cohabitation between humans and mutants. Scott still saw in him the potential to carry on that dream, and that filled Josh with an inordinate amount of gratitude. “Thank you, sir,” Elixir said, still abashed as a mixture of shame, pride, and sullen anger still swam through his head. He wasn't sorry for what he'd done to Julian; he never would be. He hated Keller, and always would. But he was sorry that he had failed as an X-Man, and gave an inward vow to work harder. Josh stuck his hand out awkwardly and shook Cyclops' assuming that since he'd stood up, the meeting was over and he could go. “If that's all... I'll go ahead and go. I'd like to set up those appointments with the other teachers. I'll let you know when I've gotten those worked out.” He turned and made for the door, Scott's final words to him still rolling around in his mind. "Stop beating yourself up for not being able to be Elixir right now. Figure out who Josh Foley is. I'll guarantee he's more than just a mutant first aid kit." He just needed to figure out where to go from here. |
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2:47 PM Jul 11