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| city of noise; [invite] | |
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| Topic Started: Dec 31 2010, 10:18 PM (991 Views) | |
| Primal | Mar 3 2011, 12:16 PM Post #16 |
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It was different, hearing her say it, hearing it come out of her, that admittance of guilt making everything unavoidable, the denial he'd been battling bursting through all those contrived excuses, his emotions turning to static and then suddenly, inexplicably flatlining. She'd done it for him. Apparantly he was the cause of all of this bullshit. He was at the centre of a massive chain reaction of events that had culminated in a lost limb and a lost Acolyte and a missing traitor who had wrecked the city's defences. It was all on him. She had done this. A nugget of something nasty towards her constricted his throat, a dangerous splinter of black, but it was only fleeting. "You stupid bitch." The insult was weary, without ire. He looked at her. She was small and withered in the doorway. With only dregs of narcotics slugging through his veins his vision didn't slide away, his teeth grit hard enough to make his jaw ache. "What the hell did you think would happen? I ain't..." Shit, he had no idea what to say. Emotional shock and physical trauma and lingering sedatives played hockey with his faculties. He didn't know if they could recover from this. When he thought of her there was an intensity of feeling he was unable to describe, and it consisted of fury and exasperation and sickly guilt at all of his shortcomings, their dysfunctionality a sharp shock in the midst of everything they shared, and there was baser lust and some feral connection on levels beyond comprehension... and that other thing he couldn't bring himself to examine. Primal's expectations of love were so warped by his past, by an abusive father and a neglectful mother and a string of fucked up relationships that had ground all the empathy clean out of him, that the concept was foreign to him. He didn't know what he felt for her because he didn't understand it. Her stupidity sat like a tumor in his lungs. "What the fuck am I... how the fuck... Jesus Christ!" He wrenched his good arm up, wires snagging taut where they pulled against machines and his IV, a hub of tangled cables feeding off behind his bed. "I should kill you. Holy shit, I should fucking kill you," and he rasped a humorless laugh at the revelation, as if knowing that he couldn't and wouldn't was damn hilarious. |
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| Jesse | Mar 7 2011, 03:40 AM Post #17 |
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Unregistered
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“So do it.” Jesse held her head up high and swallowed the lump in her throat; she could sense the turmoil rolling around in his head and smell it coming off him in droves. On top of that, he was so fucked up on pain meds that it was surprising he was even cogent. He should have still been asleep. “Kill me.” Gambit was gone. That SHIELD soldier was gone. Pietro had disappeared as well, and the three of them had swathed a path of destruction that would take days to clean up and repair – weeks had it not been a city full of mutants. She'd royally fucked up, and there was no fixing the damage that had been done... she might as well own it and press on. “I messed up. I should have slit the man's throat and let him drown in his own blood. Or just shot him... but you know what? I couldn't just stand by and let you go day after day cutting and beating on that man. I don't care who the hell he is. You know why? Because he was doing more damage to you than you could have ever done to him. He was killing your soul. He would have eventually died, but you would have continued to limp on in this really fucked up state that I don't think you could have ever recovered from.” She clenched her jaw – she couldn't cry. She didn't want to. She wouldn't. “But what's really fucked up is I couldn't bring myself to do that to him. Not a guy in chains. You wanna know why? Because I couldn't do that to myself either. I've done some shitty things in my time, but I've never killed in cold blood.” “So yeah... kill me. I deserve it. It's my fault they got away, and if I had to do it all over again, it would be worth it. Because that man,” she pointed out of the hospital room door, “Is killing you.” There was no need to qualify who she was talking about. They both knew. |
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| Primal | Mar 11 2011, 10:20 PM Post #18 |
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Unregistered
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Christ, she was still on that. This idea that he was salvageable. They were going round in circles. Primal let his arm fall slack across his face, recalling something about the roles people took in abusive relationships, hers the classic denial case. Jesse thought she could change him and he just kept on keeping on; Magneto's attack dog, vicious and loyal. Rehabilitation was out of the question, yet here she was flogging that very dead horse while he lay one-armed in a hospital bed into which she had inadvertantly put him. "Where d'you get this idea, Jess? Like underneath it all I'm a good guy? You seriously believe I'm some misguided dickhead with a fucked up past and a soft squishy centre?" His arm dropped away, back down onto the exposed mattress. "You reckon I got a few issues I'm tryin' so hard to run from that I got myself into some nasty situation with Mr Most Wanted and now I'm stuck n can't get out?" Primal snorted. "For a mafia princess you're fucking naive." A small shift in his medication made his eyes roll, opiates topped up on the hour. "I ain't gonna kill you, Jess. I can't. Shit, I hate you." He could feel breath in his lungs; it tasted like conflict. "Sometimes you make me wish you were right." |
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| Jesse | Mar 14 2011, 12:33 AM Post #19 |
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Unregistered
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“Sometimes I hate you too,” she said as she stepped tentatively into the room and leaned back against the door. Jesse began sliding down the smooth wood grain until her ass hit the cold hospital tile. Leaning her head back and letting out a sigh, she raked her fingers through her hair. Silence reigned in the hospital room for several moments, the sound only broken by the continuous beep of the heart rate monitor counting his BPM. She could feel her own heart beat off rhythm with his. It was as if a piece of hospital machinery was telling the story of their relationship. When one of them said push, the other said pull; they constantly fought and butted heads, almost never agreeing on anything that didn't come at the cost of a lost voice and maybe even a little bit of blood. He had become her world since the death of her brother; she had no one else but him... And he had become something else. Jesse had tried to prevent it from happening. She'd argued with him till she'd been blue in the face... showed him kindness... berated him and even physically tried to keep him from leaving their apartment by latching herself to his back. None of it had worked... he'd always gone off to fulfill his obligation for some twisted ideal. Somewhere along the way, she'd felt she'd lost him, and trying to get rid of Gambit was her attempt to bring him back. She'd fucked it up. A tear escaped the corner of her eye and slid down her cheek; god she hated herself so much. She wished she'd never left California. Suddenly she buried her face in her arms, her shoulders quivering as she tried in vain to hold back the outburst of tears... silent shakes turned into sobs. “You're really gonna let yourself become this... thing... aren't you?” |
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2:11 PM Jul 11