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| Sung, Bae-Kwan; Taipan | |
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| Topic Started: Nov 6 2012, 05:23 AM (1,206 Views) | |
| Raymond | Nov 6 2012, 05:23 AM Post #1 |
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Unregistered
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[align=center]PLAYER INFORMATION[/align] NAME:Raymond CONTACT:rdale@oswego.edu HOW YOU FOUND US:Cerebro aka Google Search OTHER CHARACTERS ON THE SITENone RULES CODE: Blackbird CREDIT WHERE IT'S DUE: Just I [align=center]CHARACTER INFORMATION[/align] [align=center] ![]() Mario Maurer[/align] BASIC INFORMATION CANON OR ORIGINAL:Original AFFILIATION:New X-Men FULL NAME:Bae-Kwan Sung CODENAME:Taipan NICKNAMES: Bae CURRENT AGE:22 DATE OF BIRTH:November 18th 1989 MARITAL STATUS:Single SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual BASE OF OPERATIONS: Utopia TIME AT INSTITUTE: 2009-Present REGISTERED WITH SHIELD?No HOMETOWN: Koreatown in Manhattan, New York KNOWN RELATIVES: Eun Sun Sung (Mother, deceased) Jung-Su Sung (Father, deceased) Jae Sun Sung (Sister, deceased) PHYSICAL APPEARANCE HEIGHT:5'9'' BUILD:Short in height, light in weight with a sturdy and muscular build, especially in the upper torso from years as a gymnast. EYES:Dark Brown HAIR:Black DISTINGUISHING MARKS:Various Tattoos CLOTHING STYLE:Faded blue denim skinny jeans with a tee shirt or beater. Sometimes, dressed semi-formally in a button up shirt with a nice pair of jeans. UNIFORM:A standard black and yellow X-men uniform. POWERS GENERAL DESCRIPTION: Enhanced Immunity to Hazardous Intake -Naturally born mutant ability of enhanced immunity to most known natural poison, toxins and venom. This mutant ability/power is defensive rather than offensive. Anytime that Taipan inhales, ingests, or absorbs some sort of harmful substance such as venom from a spider or snake bite, a bee sting or skin contact with poison ivy, Taipan's body reacts by adapting and counteracting the potentially harmful substance. Anything that Taipan is exposed to, so long as its of Earthly origin and natural rather than engineered, his body should be able to counter. Because of this power; Taipan has the ability to endure toxic environments and exposure to poisons into his body by various means. He has been shown to survive the venomous bites from the most deadly of snakes, including the deathly bite from Taipans to which he gets his code name. Poison Emission via poisonous touch -Because of his defensive power of enhanced immunity; Taipan's body now is in constant production of various poisons, venom, and other toxins. This internal toxic brew isn't hazardous to Taipan but it is potentially life threatening to anyone he touches with his hands. Before being brought into the fold of Professor Charles Xavier's school, Taipan had to wear gloves which would prevent accidental poisoning of someone he shook hands with or accidentally touched. When first discovering this ability well into puberty, Taipan did not have control over the type of toxin, amount of toxin or strength of toxin he gives someone and as a result he seriously injured people. However, having been with the school for a few years and maturing, Taipan no longer needs to wear gloves. He can increase and/or decrease the potency of his toxic touch. WEAKNESS: Though in great physical shape for a gymnast; Taipan is by no means in shape for hand to hand combat, especially against well trained fighters or fighters with superhuman strength or speed. He may have some great gymnastic agility but he has the average strength and speed of man of his physical build and age. His agility is great in the heat of the moment and for short bursts at a time but he will tire easily and in time as he ages, arthritis and joint pain may become a serious limitation. Taipan's enhanced immunity to natural toxins and poisons does not mean he can not get sick. Taipan is susceptible to even the average cold or flu, will show signs of these sicknesses but they will not be life threatening. Also, any new toxic substance introduced to his body will cause him to become seriously ill. He will in a sense experience the effects of a snakes venom if he had never had that type of venom in his system before. It will take his body some time to decipher the venom and break it down, countering and recycling it for later use as his body will eventually start producing it. Taipan however is by no means immortal. Taipan's enhanced immunity protects him from known natural toxins and poisons but he is unprotected against extraterrestrial foreign poisons and toxins or specially engineered toxic substances not yet known. Taipan can be seriously injured or killed by conventional means such as being stabbed or shot. PERSONALITY Bae is someone who is an introvert rather than an extravert. He lives internally and predominately relies upon his own instincts and judgment rather than the advise of others though if he does trust the sources, he may take their thoughts on a situation into consideration with his own view points. He tends to set very high standards of himself and of others and if these standards are not met, Bae will not be happy. If the standards and expectations are not met of others, he will distance himself from these people and may exclude them from his life entirely if at all possible. However, Bae does invest a strong philosophy of teamwork and knows that people do things differently than he would. He will be accepting of them and will indeed listen to what they have to say but Bae may not fully accept them or their ideas if they contradict his own. Because he does possess a willingness to be open to other ideas and possibilities, Bae can be an effective team player. He is one for diplomacy if at all possible and does not like bickering. Though willing to hear out new ideas or plans, Bae will thoroughly examine these ideas and plans for potential errors. Typically rather docile by nature, Bae will take a backseat role in a team despite being a natural leader. He does have leadership qualities but only comes forth as a leader when either asked to, needed to or when he finds incompetence whilst under present leadership to which Bae will respond by forcefully taking the upon himself. In leadership, Bae would be effective because being observant and adaptive are in his personality. As a leader, Bae would be able to objectively see the reality of a situation and change strategies when current strategies are ineffective of accomplishing the goal. Bae can come off as being quite cold and elusive on the surface of his personality. He may not even be known for being warm, caring or affectionate because he lives within his own mind. He may even appear to have little to no concern for the thoughts or feelings of others. Bae could use some practice in toning how he presents himself emotionally in regards to the feelings of others. If something strange happens or if something appears abnormal, Bae will work to formulate a rational and logical explanation. He is quick to express his judgment of things and will be very critical of ideas that he does not believe will work. Therefore, he is likely to step on a few toes or rub off on people the wrong way. Though he may not show affection very openly or compliment someone on a intelligent and effective idea, this does not mean Bae isn't affectionate or that he is ungrateful for such an idea being brought to the table. He knows quite well that he can manipulate people, and he does love it! Though however cold and brash that he may seem, beneath the ice is a man of passion and compassion, of warmth and loyalty that perhaps may be unmatched by many. Taipan is an extremely devoted, dedicated individual to causes that he believes in. He has a passion that causes him to place himself fully behind or in something if it is what he supports and he will fight against opposing forces. At times, Taipan can come off as being cold and calculated but at other times he seems to be emotionally charged being quite sensitive, perceptive, imaginative and intuitive. Taipan must see everything from start to finish, even if the end will be bitter. If placed on the Myers-Briggs personality chart, Taipan would be an INTJ. His astrology sign is that of a Scorpio and his birth year is that of the Snake. He prefers to be in a low stress environment composed of silence and order as he does not handle stress well. He also prefers to work alone but can adapt to working in a group and as a member of a team as need be. He may be viewed as a slacker at times because he works at a pace that doesn't seem like it will meet a deadline. However, his pace works for him and he will meet a deadline. Bae is not a partying person and will rarely place himself at a social gathering. His social circle of friends is very small and he will never have a large amount of friends. It is highly unwise to betray his trust or friendship because he will almost never forgive and surely is not one to ever forget. However, those who are among his group of select friends have already been carefully judged and scrutinized by Bae before deeming them worthy of his friendship. Bae is almost a perfectionist that must complete tasks that he commits himself too even if they aren't important. He has a bit of arrogance about him that causes him to feel as though he is a leader and he will be critical of anyone in leadership that he doesn't believe in or fully support. Bae can be very critical of himself and let his emotions get the best of himself therefore this Scorpio isn't immune to his own sting. HISTORY: PRE-APOCALYPSE Born in Manhattan's Koreatown to first generation Korean immigrants, Eun Sun Sung and Jung-Su Sung; Bae had a somewhat rough childhood as a second generation immigrant to the country. His parents were by no means rich and worked together at the little corner store that they owned together. Times were rough, and being a new family in Koreatown did not make money pour in easily. The Sungs had to work hard as entrepreneurs. They wanted to send their son, Bae to a nice private school but it was simply unaffordable as they struggled just to keep food on the table and roof over their heads. Bae therefore was enrolled in the public school system and forced to endure. He was blessed as being a mutant that didn't have anything externally odd like green skin or blue fur or anything of that nature. In fact, he didn't even know he was a mutant until he started hitting puberty. Around the age of thirteen puberty was setting in for Bae. His body was changing and he was in the initial transition from boy to young man. His dormant mutant genes were awakening but it would be a few years until Bae would fully understand that he was a mutant. After his sixteenth birthday, Bae's mutant genes were fully active, just awaiting a trigger event. A few months after turning sixteen, Bae would have such an experience, one that would expose him for what he was. One summer day he was on a road trip with his family to visit relatives in upstate New York. He and his father set out on a hiking trip the next day and Bae found himself in a dangerous situation. He had happened upon two Rattle Snakes. He had carelessly and innocently been hiking the trail, listening to music and didn't hear the rattling until he stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes widened. Two angry and poised to strike Rattle snakes were coiled and ready. He had been wearing shorts, his legs exposed and before he could do anything both of the snakes struck, and like hyperdermic needles, their fangs pierced his skin and pumped their venom into him. They then scurried off as Bae screamed in agony. His father had been walking a few feet behind him and saw what happened, already racing to his sons aid but he was too late. Bae's father called for help, knowing that his son's life was in serious danger. However, there was no danger Bae but neither son nor father knew it at the time. Bae felt the pain of the bites and felt what the venom was beginning to do to his body. The toxins were taking effect but beneath it all Bae was feeling something else that he could not describe. His body wasn't falling victim; his body was fighting, adapting and adjusting. The exposure to the deadly Rattle snake venom had triggered a response, awakening the mutant ability that had laid rather dormant in Bae. By the time Bae was rushed into the hospital, the pain for the most part had subsided. He was no longer sweating and his heart was beating at a normal rate. It was as if the bites had been dry but Bae knew they were not and blood tests and other medical tests showed that Bae had indeed been injected with snake venom. However, he had some strange tolerance to it. More than that, a resistance. Sadly however, this defensive power came with a deadly offensive power. As one of Bae's nurses went to shake his hand, she felt a sharp pain that quickly grew worse. Bae had unknowingly generated the venom and recycled it, emitting it and transferring it to the nurse by touch. The male nurse fell to the floor and other medical staff rushed to his aid. At first they thought a snake had somehow traveled with Bae but in time it quickly became known that Bae was a mutant. Bae was lucky. The nurse survived after days of excruciating pain and anti-venom treatments. Bae's father however knew that his son was in serious danger as a mutant. He knew not what to do with his son other than surrender his son to better care, to someone that could take care of him but the man knew of nobody nor any place. They hardly spoke English as it was; their son was much better at it. Bae was taken back home to Koreatown but only to pack his bags and say goodbye to his mother. It was not safe for Bae to be with anyone, especially his family. His mother was expecting and Bae didn't want to accidentally harm her or Bae new brother or sister. It was extremely difficult for him to say goodbye but he knew it was for the best. Being a young teenager living on the streets was hard. Bae did what he had to in order to survive, some things that he wasn't proud of doing like stealing. He maintained the street life style until he had turned seventeen. Bae was a survivalist and had to adapt to this harsh environment but he's appreciative of his time on the streets because they toughened him a little and made him street smart. He missed the dance classes and gynastics that he had been a part of since a young child and desired to return to that life of happiness. While on the streets, he learned that he wasn't as much of a threat as he first suspected. Bae's deadly powers could be prevented if he wore gloves as it seemed his hands were the only part of his body that could be harmful if they made contact with another person's body. He never thought about trying to return home, seeking out his family in Koretown. Chances were, they were better off without another mouth to feed. Bae however wanted a family again. He wanted to return to gymnastics and dance. He wanted to be part of something bigger than picking pockets and pan handling for money just to have a fair meal. Knowing that he was what people called a mutant, Bae sought out a new home, somewhere that he could be accepted for who he was. His journey would take him to Mutant Town, the kind of place where a mutant could be a mutant. It didn't take Bae long until he befriended a kind couple who were living in a nice home, a boarding house that they rented rooms out. It was nothing too grand but it was a heck of a lot better than living like he had been. They were looking for someone to rent a recently vacated room but Bae didn't have the money. This however did not matter to the nice couple who could tell that the sixteen year old mutant needed a bed to sleep on and a roof over his head. They gave Bae the empty room, free of charge so long as he helped his landlords with the cleaning and general chore work around the boarding house. Bae was grateful of their charity and did everything he could to put in good honest labor in exchange for the money it would have cost him to rent the room. Justin and Katelyn Hill became like parents to Bae. Justin was a mutant who aside from being the landlord of his building, was an activist for mutant rights. His wife, Katelyn, was not a mutant but she did advocate for mutant rights. She worked as a High School teacher outside of mutant town. She was kind enough to help keep Bae educated by teaching him when she could after she got home, during the weekend and during the summer. Bae would remain at the boarding house and eventually found a job in mutant town so that he could pay back the Hills. Bae celebrated new years with Justin and Katelyn, welcoming 2009 with a bunch of wonderful news. Bae had passed the last of his GED exams and would be soon awarded a certificate of completion. He was excited to soon start his college education but would wait until the fall semester before he started. Justin and Katelyn had news of their own; Katelyn was with child and was due in late April. Bae was exited for both himself and the couple, 2009 was looking as though it was going to be a wonderful year. DURING APOCALYPSE (April 7th through April 12th, 2009) Little did Bae know that his days of living safety and comfort were soon going to be disrupted. On the seventh of April chaos and destruction came to mutant town as War unleashed his havoc upon the area. There was a massive hurricane inbound and crazed converts fighting against mobs of resistant mutants. Death was the fate of many involved in resisting the converts but Bae became a fighter forged in fire. The gloves were off for the mutant who would later go on to be known as Taipan as he used his toxic touch to subdue and kill some converts trying to escape from the town. It took some forcefulness along with being rather stealthy to clear out of mutant town. By the third day however, Bae had settled on the fact that it was rather futile to attempt to flee mutant town but War's converts were all around. Escaping mutant town would have done nothing but slightly change Bae's scenery. It was days of trying to avoid being found by converts, remaining out of sight the best that he could and praying for the best. Bae was out on the streets, in search of food on the twelfth of April not knowing that soon, all would be over and done with; Bae would be attacked not by converts but by mutants seeking food of their own. They targeted Bae and left him unconscious having taken his wallet full of cash. Bae woke up on his own, coming to in the darkened ally way that he had been drug into. There were riots, there were explosions and there was shaking of the very earth that Bae tried to walk upon. The earth shook and street lights went black, the ally was darker than ever and Bae heard the rumbling of the building's structure next to him. A showering of bricks and cement came falling down upon him and he was quickly knocked out after dodging a large piece of exterior wall that had broken off. However, another piece had hit him and pinned him the the asphalt. POST-APOCALYPSE The Apocalypse had passed, Manhattan had been hit hard as had many other areas. Bae's home, mutant town was rubble, debris, smoldering fires and ash. When Bae's eyes opened, the world he saw around him seemed so alien. It looked like a decimated world from an invasion like on one of those old classic science fiction films that he enjoyed so much. Even more fascinating and slightly startling was the man standing above him, and arm extended downward towards Bae, a hand offering to help him up. Ruby colored ocular lenses. Bae would come to know the man by name, Scott Summers who also went by the codename of Cyclops, field/team leader of the X-Men. Bae had been in better shape. He was pretty banged up but he wasn't about to just lay down and selfishly think of only himself. He wanted to help and so he did; Bae helped the X-Men with pulling mutants from the rubble and would later help with the relief work in response to the hurricane stricken areas of New York. Bae however couldn't help but make a quick detour to check on his parents but he had learned that his parents as well as the Hills of mutant town had perished along with a little sister that he had never known. His family's home was nothing but ruins but Bae paid his respects and mourned the loss of a family he used to have but he found himself being helped through the grieving process by his new family at Xavier's School or what was left of it from an apparent attack. Bae hadn't been there for the action but if he had been, he would have done his best to defend the school. Bae became more closely attached to the school, to the faculty, andto the dream of Charles Xavier. As a student at the school Bae sought out to discover his own new identity as mutant with a unique codename. He considered a variety of names but while looking through a book about venomous snakes, Bae read about the Taipan snake, one of the most deadly of snakes. He thought that Taipan would make for the perfect name. Bae was a gymnasts with a strong passion for gymnastics, disciplining in acrobatic gymnastics and aerobatic gymnastics; Bae wasn't much of a fighter and didn't view himself as one. When he first came to the school, Bae believed more in strength of words rather than using his fists or his powers to battle. He was more focused on his academics while at the school rather than classes focusing on combative skills. Of course, Bae appreciates learning how to fight but at the time, he had no interest in having field experience or joining any X-Men teams. He was present on June 12th 2009 to watch the students of the '09 graduating class but he didn't feel like celebrating much as the deaths of so many were still freshly scorched into his mind and the mind of others, especially mutants at the school who had lost friends. Professor Charles Xavier, the man who created the school and the X-Men had returned or at least that what it appeared to be. Bae was still rather new and didn't socialize much with anyone and those that he did, he was meeting for the first time. Xavier had been missing for a while and his return was celebrated by many but some students, especially the older ones seemed to be highly suspicious. Bae walked on egg shells around everyone at the school because things just weren't adding up. People like Scott started acting differently than he had when Bae first met him and there were students that were starting to suspect that something was up. Bae said nothing; he just focused on school work, lectures and minding his own business. In his mind, it was reasonable that people acting out of the ordinary was due to the stress and grieving process that they were likely going through. However, as things would turn out, people truly weren't who they seemed to be. 2010 was year of upheaval as the Brotherhood launched various attacks, causing mayhem all over. They assassinated world leaders and prominent political leaders. The Hoover Dam, Golden Gate Bridge, and New York Subway system were all attacked. Bae could respect alternative philosophies, especially those that the Brotherhood held onto but their actions were appalling to say the least. To Bae, they were nothing more than radical mutant terrorist. It did not help Bae's views of the Brotherhood that they killed SHEILD agents and the Director of SHEILD. Though by the time 2010 was nearing an end, a year plus after the apocalyptic chaos that took so many lives, Bae was on a stable road to recovery. He had found a stable place to be, was making a few friends and had even started accepting being called by Taipan as a codename. Bae, however, remained rather distant from the rest of the students at the school but did maintain a friendship with a select few. Another blow hit Bae below the belt in late December of 2010. There were students that had decided to attend some concert. Bae was considering going to the concert and he would have if he was ready for large crowds of people. However, he wasn't and he knew it. He used to be a social butterfly at some point but he was battle hardened and dealing with stress. Nightmares and night terrors kept him awake at night. There had been shots fired at the concert and when Bae heard the news his heart nearly sank. He was concerned that someone he knew had been hurt or killed in the attack. Thankfully, none of his friends had been but it was just another reminder of how dark the world around him had become. 2011 began like the rest of recent years full of darkness and politics. In May, It was the disgusting words of New York City's new mayor, Matthew Risman that snapped Bae out of his continuous slump. Bae was fading into darkness, into the blackness of abyss but Taipan had begun to rise again from the ashes of Bae but it would take more tragedy to ignite the flames and cause Taipan to be fully born from ashes of Bae. September 1st 2011, the day that Bae would not forget. Just as it was an attack on the school; his home had been destroyed. Another brutal attack on the school. A suicide bomb had been detonated inside the school and a purifier attacked caused the death of 47 students, some of whom Bae had been close with. Bae himself had been mildly injured from the explosion, a support beam falling on him. The school was gone; it had been demolished by the attack and was in ruins. Bae had been inside during the attack, trying to evacuate the building of students when the foundations shook and the walls fell. Taipan arose from the rubble and ash, digging himself out from what could have been his untimely grave. Bae, bruised and bleeding made his way to make shift triage infirmary that had been set up at the Outdoor Recreation Center. He was bandaged up and his wounds tended to but Bae pushed people aside and demanded that people stop trying to keep him on a bed when he can help treat the more seriously wounded. The school was gone, Bae's home was taken from him and it pissed him off. With the school demolished in the bombing and attack. Scott Summers called for Xavier's dream to carry on. The evacuated students and staff would rebuild a dream in the savage lands, creating Utopia. The battle lines were drawn and Taipan wanted to take a more active roles in the fight for Xavier's dream. The X-Men carried as did the school though it was a move from New York to the fierce Savage Land as Utopia was created so that students could continue their education. Savage land was properly named; it was a very savage land but it was also beautiful. The creation of Utopia, the new school was a monumental moment in history. It was a new beginning for the students, for those who believed in Xavier's cause. However, it was as if that the phantom of destruction was looming over the X-Men, following them like their shadow. Even in Utopia, destruction followed. This time, the threat was extraterrestrial in nature. The shape shifting alien species known as the Skrull were launching an invasion on Earth, having replaced key figures in the world. An unconditional surrender was what the Queen of the Skrull wanted but it would be a cold day in hell before Earth would unitedly kneel before anyone. The skies were filling with Skrull ships and the citizens of the world, mutant and non-mutant were mounting their resistance efforts. Meanwhile, in the savage land, Utopia was far from safe. It was under attack by the Brood. The mutant called Marrow had been infected by some sort of blood virus and transformed. Others were infected or influenced as well and there was increasing threat to Bae and the rest of the mutants students and X-Men who remained at Utopia. Thanks to the efforts of Doctor Hank McCoy, Bae and the others were saved. The Brood were dealt a return blow. Bae himself, to this very day resents that he was not present for the Skrull battle in May; he was glad when the X-Men returned to Utopia but started to hold onto to the thirst to be more actively involved with the X-Men, something that he hopes to discuss with Scott Summers. SAMPLE RP POST: Bae had finally managed to fall asleep at sometime after three in the morning. He always did fall asleep at some point after sobbing and crying a little as he reflected upon everything that had happened since 2009. He had lived a life of blood and death. Cold, it was always cold at night regardless of where he was. “Life goes on, you will too, Bae” people would say trying to comfort him but it never did any good. Sure, life did go on and some people healed in time but Bae took things more personal. Every cut was deep, nothing was superficial to Bae anymore. Suddenly a crackling of thunder rumbled and caused the subconscious mind of Bae who had been entering a dream state to experience a terrifying nightmare of the explosion that shook the school, killed forty-seven students and took Bae's home away from him. The loud rumble of thunder manifested itself as the sound of the bomb going off. He remembered watching a younger female student just ahead of him, glass exploding and the sharps cutting her as a support beam fell on top of her. Bae rushed to her aid but she was dead by the time he arrived. Shortly after another beam pinned him. Another rumble of thunder awoken Bae who quickly sat up and looked around. His heart was racing faster and faster but he was cold, very cold. He was also alone in a time when he needed someone to talk to, to hold and to be held. However, Bae had distanced himself from friends, not allowing them to know how hard everything hit him and how hurt he still was by everything. He was also single, always had been because Bae feared hurting people when he was younger and now, Bae feared being hurt by someone. He sighed as he pulled a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and flicked the lighter, pressing the flame to the cigarette dangling between his lips. The toxins that may have been harmful to typical smokers weren't of any risk to Bae. Though even if he was possibly limiting his life, Bae didn't care. He needed to take the edge off, to warm up and ease his mind so that he could get another hour or so of sleep. “Life goes on” he said to himself, repeating the words of so many. “But can I go on with mine?” he then muttered questioning himself but not knowing the answer. |
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| Betsy Braddock | Nov 6 2012, 06:04 PM Post #2 |
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Telepathy (I'm not a bloody ninja)
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Hey Raymond, thanks for applying! A few things, so just bear with me and if you have any questions, feel free to ask myself or another staffer. 1. Your board name needs to be your character's name or codename: please let us know which so we can change it. 2. Who calls him Death Adder/Nightshade? I'm not poking fun, but nicknames need to be things that a person would actually use to address a character and these seem a tiny bit silly. 3. You may have figured it out from cbox, but please play his bisexuality out respectfully. We support diversity here, but what we don't support is people playing an orientation to either soapbox or just ship with it. 4. Powers - His toxins powers are okay, but they don't really go with the enhanced agility. If you can come up with a reason for them to be connected, I'll accept it. I don't have a problem with his gymnastics training and that giving him an edge, but as for an actual mutant power, if you want to use it, you have to either get rid of the toxins power or explain it better, or just vice versa. If you keep the toxins, you'll need to much better explain it, especially when it comes to the transfer aspect. Can he store poisons? Or is it literally a case that he absorbs it and has to instantly transfer it? What is the limit of the toxins he can absorb? Is there one? Great care needs to be taken with powers like this, so make sure you do your research. 5. Personality -
I know this is probably not what you intend at all, but be careful about suggesting what a character's first impression is of yours. On a board where there are emapths and telepaths and suchlike, people can be pretty astute when it comes to such things. There are a couple of other similar instances in your personality, such as the magnetic aura that attracts people, again, you just need to let people make their minds up on things like that. It's not a bad personality, just concentrate more on what he is like as a person without trying to suggest what people would think of him. 6. History - History isn't bad, but then he's suddenly out on the streets after his powers manifest and happens to hear people talking about the school, then gets there with the help of some money from some random old lady - or did he steal it? I can't tell to be honest. This is too sketchy and vague. Why didn't the school pick him up sooner? I don't get much of a sense of a timeframe here, but it seems like it was potentially years here. I know homelessness happens, but children on the street are usually spotted and dealt with, so he would have been taken into care or the X-men would have picked him up. If he had gone to the school himself (I don't think he would have just been told where it was or happened on it) he would have been greeted and taken in at once. Xavier went missing in 2005 - if he was there then, you need to respond to this. You also need to include the ShadowX plot, as he would have been there for that.
Storm and Jean aren't mutant seamstresses. Honestly, if anyone develops new uniform materials, it's Beast. Really, I'm not sure I see the relevance of this being a reason in any case. You also need to chart the move from the ruined school to Utopia, his feelings about that and the subsequent Skrull and Brood plots. Also, the school was COMPLETELY destroyed in the bomb attack, not partly. Following that attack a wave of Purifiers came and attacked as well, which I am not seeing a response to - you've almost swapped the severity of the attack in Apocalypse with that in Purifiers in terms of severity and his reaction, so please go back and read things more carefully. Overall, there is plot detail there but it seems kind of dramatic with Bae struggling with his mutant identity and his own sense of self. I don't think this is necessarily bad, but you go on about it more than is really necessary. Conflict is good, but don't milk it, use it to come to a more well rounded character. Again, if you need help, please contact myself or another member of staff and we will assist you. This isn't a bad start, but I need to see some more rounding of the character as well as making him a better fit into the site - don't be afraid to read accepted applications and as many game threads as you need. Please post a response when you've done, thank you. |
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| Taipan | Nov 10 2012, 04:36 AM Post #3 |
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Unregistered
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Thank you for your assistance and politeness while waiting for me to make revisions to my application. I have worked with Heather and Dean and am ready for a second inspection of the application above. *fingers crossed* |
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| Betsy Braddock | Nov 12 2012, 12:53 AM Post #4 |
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Telepathy (I'm not a bloody ninja)
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Thanks for making all the edits so far. I have a couple more things to say, so please bear with me and sorry for the short delay getting back to you. 1. Powers – This may be nitpicky but I’d prefer it if you used the terminology natural toxins rather than earthly. I know it’s basically the same thing but earthly gives an almost mystical connotation. How long do toxins stay in his system? How long does it take him to break them down and recycle them, then use them? How much poison can he reproduce? Does he have a limit before he runs out of poison or is it a constant thing, without any need to rest and recuperate? These are all things you need to think of. All characters have a point where they simply cannot use their power without some sort of rest so consider that. 2. History – I still think it is a little extreme that his parents turn him out on the street without trying to formulate some kind of coping method, but the aftermath of this is a bit better than before. However, he was still a minor and even though he was being looked after in a manner of speaking, I’m not sure why he was not set up with a foster family in Mutant Town or taken to X-Corps, who could have placed him either with the X-men or with an appropriate family, again in Mutant Town. They could also have ensured he received an education – I know you have him lucky enough to land in a situation where he did anyway, but it’s a bit too fortunate that he just happened on this boarding house where they gave him a free room and board, etc etc. Just make a few more dots to connect all this up a little more officially and consider turning the boarding house into a proper foster home. Apocalypse – The hurricane happened on April 12th, days after War and there was no advanced warning of it. I’m not entirely keen on the suggestion of riots – yes people would have been angry but rioting suggests protests of some kind, when people were really too busy trying to survive. Mutant Town was badly hit and people were too busy getting out or helping each other. Of course there would have been opportunists, but this was a real struggle for survival, not lets steal some kid’s wallet moment. One moment he seems to be stopping the converts from leaving, or trying to, then he tries to dodge them himself. Which is it? He would stand very little chance against a convert, as they were all mutants with their powers severely amplified and usually in berserker rages. Think 28 Days Later, but super powered. How was he able to fend any off? Please make this make sense, or just keep him off of the streets and away from mismatched fighting. Post Apocalypse – WWX section isn’t bad, but he seems a bit clueless about it, which is fine, but as the writer you need to show you understood the event a little better, even if he did not. Please remember that it was forty-seven students AND staff members. A nitpicky point, but it wasn’t just students who died in the explosion. How did he feel about the Hellfire Club and the Brotherhood showing up and fighting shoulder to shoulder with the X-men and helping to treat the wounded? Overall this isn’t bad, but in some places you seem to rush a little, so just take your time and don’t feel like you have to cram things in. As always, if you need help contact me or another staffer, or just post a response when you’re done. This is getting along nicely. Thanks. |
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| Betsy Braddock | Nov 19 2012, 10:07 PM Post #5 |
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Telepathy (I'm not a bloody ninja)
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Is this still being worked on? I can see a couple of changes but with no response, I cannot be sure. It'd be a shame if this did just fizzle out as you had some nice ideas. Please respond by November 26th, thank you. |
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| Betsy Braddock | Dec 6 2012, 10:13 PM Post #6 |
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Telepathy (I'm not a bloody ninja)
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The player has had computer issues and will be resuming this application, hopefully to be finished within a week. |
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| Cyclops | Dec 20 2012, 02:13 AM Post #7 |
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Punches from the Punch Dimension
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Any update on this? |
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| Spiral | Dec 24 2012, 06:07 AM Post #8 |
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Teleportation, Probability Warping, Clone Enhancements
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If there's been no update on this by next friday, I'm moving it to denied on account of activity, if the player returns, they can resume review from there. |
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| Alix | Jan 1 2013, 10:23 PM Post #9 |
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Telepathy, Telekinesis / Empathy
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Denied due to inactivity |
[align=center]![]() STRIKE ME DOWN SHOULD HAVE HELD IT ALL ALONE WASH THE QUESTION OFF MY HANDS I'M THE FATE IN NO ONES PLAN[/align] | |
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8:21 AM Jul 11