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| T.K.; T.K.: Legacy Squad | |
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| Topic Started: Apr 3 2013, 03:05 AM (652 Views) | |
| T.K. | Apr 3 2013, 03:05 AM Post #1 |
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[align=center]PLAYER INFORMATION[/align] NAME:BBeetle CONTACT:PM please HOW YOU FOUND US: RPG-directory OTHER CHARACTERS ON THE SITE N/A RULES CODE: Blackbird CREDIT WHERE IT'S DUE: Site Source 1 Site Source 2 [align=center]CHARACTER INFORMATION[/align] [align=center] [/align][align=center]Matthew Lewis plays T.K.[/align] BASIC INFORMATION CANON OR ORIGINAL: Original AFFILIATION: Legacy Squad FULL NAME: Matthew Davies, It should be noted he abandoned his name when he was fourteen and hasn't gone by it since. He only goes by TK. CODENAME: TK NICKNAMES: N/A, but people can make some for him if they want. He might not like it though. CURRENT AGE: 19 (turning twenty in July) DATE OF BIRTH: July 9th MARITAL STATUS: Single SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Straight BASE OF OPERATIONS: X-mansion TIME AT INSTITUTE: One day REGISTERED WITH SHIELD? No. HOMETOWN: Galveston, Texas KNOWN RELATIVES: Marcus Davies (Father - Disowned), Lilian Davies (Mother - Disowned), ----- Davies (Younger sister) PHYSICAL APPEARANCE HEIGHT: Six feet tall BUILD: Lean and athletic EYES: Green, though they are constantly mistaken for hazel. They glow a dark blood red when using his powers. HAIR: Ruffled ebony black hair. DISTINGUISHING MARKS: The scruff. Definitely the scruff. He refuses to shave it even though he's off the streets now. CLOTHING STYLE: He has a sort of 'bad boy' or 'devil may cry' sort of dress style. He has his signature black jacket with the two thick white rings on the biceps. He prefers jeans, a belt and an old band t-shirt. Like Aerosmith or Journey or Stevie Wonder. UNIFORM: Standard X-men training uniform for now. He may get a different one as time goes on. POWERS GENERAL DESCRIPTION: Tactile Telekinesis: TK is capable of utilizing a limited form of telekinesis activated by touch. He is able to utilize his power in a number of creative ways such as touching the ground and causing it to come up and rupture to hit an opponent or touch a small car and cause it to flip at an opponent. He is capable of touching something such as sand or dust and cause the particles to fly apart explosively for a forceful attack or to create a particle cloud as a distraction to escape should the need arise. Should someone get hold of him he is capable of touching them and forcing them away from him with his power. Whenever he uses his powers his eyes glow dark, blood red. He normally uses his hands for his power, though he doesn't need to touch with just his hand. He is able to effect any object he is touching with any part of his body. - Simulated Low Super Strength: TK uses his tactile telekinesis in a way that makes it look as though he has minor super strength. In the sense that he will pick up something like a truck with his hands using his tactile telekinesis. Currently he is only able to lift or push a total of three tons at any given time and is able to power a punch or kick equal to the concussive force equal to three hundred pounds of TNT. As such he is able to use his tactile telekinesis to do things such as hit with phenomenal force or have an amazing grip. However, as his skill with his power as well as his experience grows so will this. - Simulated Super human durability: With great concentration TK is able to deflect objects such as bullets or chairs or other solid objects off of his person as they hit him with his tactile telekinesis. This gives the appearance that he has super human durability when he uses it. He can deflect energy blasts, however, they are trickier and harder and he must concentrate much, much harder to do so. - Dissemblance and Assembly: TK is able to use his tactile telekinesis to disassemble things. He could use this to say disassemble a gun. This works in reverse as well as he can put the object back together again, assuming he knew how it work to begin with that is. HE is able to use this to disassemble other things that aren't technological as well. For example, if a boulder was blocking his path he could touch it and essentially disassemble it into gravel. He could also use this in a sense of attacking. Should he touch a boulder he could both disassemble it and force it towards a target at the same time resulting in numerous large or small disassembled rocks rather than just one big boulder. He is also able to do the same thing with glass by touching it and causing it to fly forward breaking into shards while going at an opponent by using his tactile telekinesis. His most common example of this ability which he uses often is dissemblance of security systems. - Leaping: Currently TK is not to a level in which he can use his powers to fly, however, he is able to use his power of tactile telekinesis to propel himself through the air or 'leap' so to say. This isn't flying so much as it he can 'leap tall buildings in a single bound' in the same way Superman could in the early DC comics. Though there is little grace to this and it turns more into Buzz Lightyears 'falling with style' method by the end. Hence why he doesn't like having to use this. - Flight: Eventually TK will learn to use his tactile telekinesis to fly. However, he is not even near that level yet. However, TK is a very resourceful person and usually finds other ways around this by flying on objects. The most commonly used item in this sense are manhole covers which he was crouch down and stand on, usually while holding on with one hand, and use his tactile telekinesis to fly the object through the air. - Other Creative Uses: Over the years he has had his powers, TK has used his resourcefulness to utilize his powers in different creative ways. Some of these ways are firing projectiles from his hands without actually through them, rocketing people away by placing a hand on them or when they attack or touch him and jumping through a window and firing the shards of glass at his opponents. He has even once deflected a bullet back into a shooter once. His main weapon are toothpicks as he usually has them in his mouth to begin with so he usually uses his tactile telekinesis to shoot it at opponents. WEAKNESS: One of his biggest weaknesses is that he must be in physical contact with whatever it is he wants to use his powers on. His biggest power weakness has to be the fact that certain aspects such as his simulated durability and strength rely much on his own skill level and, most importantly, his concentration. Energy based attacks are also most effective against him as he still has trouble deflecting or blocking them with his tactile telekinesis, especially if he is not concentrating hard enough. Also if someone sneaks up on him he cannot use his power to deflect the attack as he wouldn't know it was happening. if he over does his powers it puts a great stress on his head and the effects are similar to that of a hangover. Everything from puking to the painful migraines to the 'get that damn light out my eyes' stuff. In fact, the reason he's never tried alcohol is because he's been told that that is what a hangover is like. It will last into the next day if he really over does it, but usually this'll be gone in a couple of hours. PERSONALITY Often times TK shows a more quiet, reserved and observant side of him that might seem cold and calculating to people. However, he also sometimes acts with a 'devil may cry' attitude towards other people. Not in the sense of recklessness so much in the sense that he acts like he couldn't give less of a damn about the people who aren't close to him. He acts like he doesn't care about other people and acts as though his sister is the only thing that matters to him. In this sense he seems roguish as he always looks out for the best interest of his sister above anyone else and will do practically anything to protect her or ensure her safety. He is hard-boiled from his life on the street as he's seen it all. He might seem callous to other people and show a cold side of him due to the fact that he tries to not allow himself to get attached to others. He often acts and portrays someone who is detached, keen and analytical. Always analyzing everything around him as a simple force of habit. He is quietly forceful and tends to stick to things until they are done. He is incredibly street smart and intuitive about other people as well as uncommonly concerned for the feelings and well being of those close to him such as his sister. He has incredible perseverance and doesn't let anything be it laws, rules or people get in the way of doing what he feels needs to be done and he never, ever gives up on the things that matter to him. If you are close to him and he cares about you, he is the most dependable guy you probably know and would go to hell and back for you. He is also incredibly decisive. He is able to make snappy decisions promptly and is capable of quickly weighing facts and possible solutions on which to base sound decisions. He has impeccable judgment and street smarts due to his years of living on the streets and tends to come up with quick and snappy judgments of people. So in a way he is judgmental, though he is usually correct in his judgments. Beneath his exterior portrayal in which he acts cold, calculating, cynical and volatile to pretty much everyone outside of those he cares about, he has a hidden heart of gold and always thinks of those he cares about before himself and possesses an unwavering loyalty and faithfulness to the people he cares about. He is also very sensitive to their feelings and deeply cares about them. He wishes to do the right thing all the time, but the truth is that he can't always do the right thing. Sometimes you don't have all the time in the world and sometimes you have to choose between the people you care about and the people you don't even know or be forced to choose the lesser of two evils. The worlds is also not just black and white. It is full of grays. Once he opens up to those around him he can seem somewhat charming and will be a rock on the team as well as a loyal and devoted friend, yet deeply uncertain and haunted by his past. His past brings a flavor of death and madness to everything involved in it and it has shaped him. He is a person who constantly doubts the choices he's made, however, if he could do it all over he wouldn't change almost all of his decisions. He is crippled by a secret inferiority complex and many private tragedies. He feels like everyone around him has less red on their ledger and are idealistic people who don't know what it's like to live on the streets. To have to make the decision on whether to save yourself and your baby sister or risk your sister's life for some stranger. The truth is that he cares more about his sister than he does himself, he always has, and he could never forgive himself if he ever caused her harm. Because of his messy past and his unfriendly and untrusting nature towards people, there is always a deep and hidden ambiguity in his thoughts, emotions, motives and endgame. Despite everything though TK can, at times, project a certain likability due to his dry, sarcastic wit as well as his secret heart of gold in which he will selflessly go out of his way to help others and also projects a sense of helplessness and loneliness in the sense that he closes himself off and usually doesn't let most people in and his devotion to his sister and his friends. However, both of these things are offset by his cold, calculating, decisive demeanor, survival instincts, tragedy, a messy past, a mysterious ambiguity to his thoughts and actions and the threat of terrifying bloody ferocity if he is pushed to his limits and/or if you truly threaten those he cares about or loves, especially his sister. His heroism is tainted with dark side as he has already proven by this point in his life that he can go totally off the rails and kill a villain in a fit of murderous, vengeful rage. This is one of the many risque aspects of his character. However, on top of all of this, TK is a hero that has guts and endless courage and soldiers on no matter what. TK is also an atheist having admitted that he doesn't believe there is a God because he feels if there was one he would never let such horrible things happen. This is specifically in contrast to his overly religious parents and upbringing. Another characteristic of TK's is his great respect for the deceased. He has always been taught never to speak ill of the dead and it is one of the few teachings he's taken from his parents. It is rare to see him ever talk ill of the dead and if he does the person must have been very terrible. His respect for the dead doesn't just go for people he knows those. It goes to the dead in general. Other people's deceased loved ones. People he has no connections to who have died such as people the Purifiers killed or people that maybe died in nine eleven. He just has a strong sense of respect for the dead. This is partially shown in the sample role play later on. It is also notable that he has an Oreo obsession that rivals that of DC's Martian Manhunter. He will eat them even at completely inappropriate times too. Like in the middle of being debriefed about something. Another extremely notable thing is that TK only has an eighth grade education having ran away at the beginning of the ninth grade with his sister. He isn't exactly well educated or book smart, however, it'll be rare if you find a more street smart guy. I eventually plan for him to take a more active role in his education and receive a GED. Also, while he has no formal training in his powers, he has been using them in an active field environment and as part of a team for the better part of six years so he is competent enough to work on a team. Once he fully decides to join the Legacy Squad he will drop the whole killing thing, though he never really 'aimed' for killing to begin with so to speak. He just lost control sometimes and other times he had to make a choice and what not. Either way, he still views it as killing. But he will go on a 'road to redemption' so to speak and will become devoted to 'Xavier's dream' in due time. HISTORY: PRE-APOCALYPSE TK was born as Matthew "Matt" Davies to Marcus and Lilian Davies on July 9th 1993 in Galveston, Texas. His parents were helicopter parents who were religious fanatics who wanted him involved in everything from church quire (despite that Chewbacca is probably a better singer than him) to the local church bowling league to Sunday mass. However, due to the fact that religion was so heavily enforced within his youth, he came to have a certain animosity towards it as he felt the constantly praying and other things they had to do to be rather boring and annoying. This was mostly shown in how he hated having to go to Sunday mass which his parents forced him to go to throughout his youth. He also always questioned whether there was a God or not and from an early age showed agnostic tendencies or beliefs. For the first fourteen years of his life he had a normal albeit overly religious life with helicopter parents a younger sister who was four years younger than him. However, everything changed when he was fourteen and just beginning his first year of high school. That was when his powers began to develop. Within two weeks his ten year old sister had learned of his powers when he accidentally broke a remote when he was angry. His sister revealed her powers which had began to show, though it was very mild and her powers were almost non-existent to begin with at that point. He tried to convince his sister not to tell their parents as their parents held rather anti-mutant sentiments and believed that they were 'cursed' and once they redeemed themselves in the eyes of God they wouldn't have what they always called their 'affliction'. As if it were a disease. TK had never believed that of course, he didn't really believe in pretty much everything his parents believed in. But he knew how his parents would respond. However, his sister went on to tell their parents about her won powers and even gave a small example of them. His parents flipped out and called a priest and everything. TK couldn't stand what was happening once the Priest began an 'exorcism' so he kidnapped his baby sister and left for the streets taking what he needed. Having been disowned and having run away, he completely dropped his name and chose a new one: TK. That was 2007. Over the next two years TK would become a much, much darker and hard-boiled person. The only people he let in was a normal boy named Adam he saved from abusive foster parents and a girl named Alison who was a teleporter and was half a year older than him. On top of that, she had been pregnant and was kicked out onto the streets by her father. The girl had gotten involved with the wrong sort of people and TK got her out of it. After that they had a budding attraction to each other that they didn't act upon. Over the two years he had seen a lot on the streets and he had wised up. He was no longer the same fourteen year old kid who discovered his powers only a couple years ago. No. He had begun to morph into what he would become. By this point in time TK had already killed two people in self defense. The streets were rough and they traveled from city to city. TK and Alison got involved in the crime world. Using their powers to get their small group money and what they needed to get by. TK had learned how to disassemble security systems by this point and Alison's teleportation meant a nice, quick, clean get-a-way once they had whatever they were stealing. They made a very good team. Despite their criminal activity, they also did heroic activities whenever they could. Do their part and what not. Too bad they had no idea what hell was coming for them. DURING APOCALYPSE (April 7th through April 12th, 2009) By this point in time TK and his group had managed to avoid other groups such as the X-men and the Brotherhood of Evil. TK thought that they were too dangerous and he didn't want to get his sister involved with either of them. It was better to be neutral. To not get involved. He didn't want to lose his sister or friends in the crossfire of the two groups either. However, soon something came bearing down on the world that they would be unable to not take sides in. They were in Chicago at the time. Rather than fighting Apocalypse or four horseman though, they got caught up with three villains who tried to use the impending chaos to their advantage as they attempted to take over the city. They were helped by a boy a year younger than them named Cody who was a speedsters, though TK didn't get a long with him at first. But eventually they became close. Eventually they won the battle for Chicago and one of the pests were captured and tried and sentenced to life in prison. But the battle for Chicago wasn't won without it's casualties. Alison had miscarried and went into a deep depression and TK's sister went missing having been kidnapped by two of the villains who had escaped. POST-APOCALYPSE A furious TK received word from his sisters kidnappers claiming that he would get his sister back if he delivered their companion who was now in jail. TK stormed the jail he was being kept at and kidnapped the man bringing him to the villains meeting place, however, only one of the villains was there and he took out a gun and shot at him. TK deflected the bullet right into the man's knee cap. Unfortunately, the one he kidnapped attacked him and escaped with his friend. TK made it his top priority to find his sister and enlisted the help of his friends Adam, Alison and Cody. Cody had by this point nicknamed the group 'Vagabond'. As they were all vagabonds. They were able to track down the villains as they were robbing a bank and they attacked the trio with intent to capture them. However, they only managed to capture one. TK, furious and wiping all morals off the table willing to do anything to find his sister, relentlessly tortured the villain until he finally gave in and told him where his sister was. His friends Adam and Cody dropped off the villain at the nearest police station while he and Alison went to go get sister. They got into a battle in the front of the hideout, however, Cody and Adam showed up in no time thanks to Cody's super speed. While the three fought outside with one of the villains, TK went inside to save his sister only to find the last of the three villains molesting her and getting ready to do more. He went into a fit of rage as beat the villain to a pulp with terrifying bloody ferocity, his allies coming in and trying to stop him but he blew them off with his tactile telekinesis when they tried to pull him off the villain. He ended up killing the man in a fit of murderous, vengeful rage. After that they began to expand their operations outside of the United States and began to develop criminal contacts around the world. They devoted a small amount of time to helping to rebuild the mid-west of the United States though found they weren't exactly wanted. They would go on to devote quite some time to helping rebuild some of the middle eastern countries that had been greatly affected by Pestilence during the Apocalypse arc. They helped one small middle eastern country to over throw it's government as a group of mutants from the country had used the hell that ensued to take control of the government. They were using their power wrongly though. They began to shove humans into internment camps. TK and his friends slightly improved the mutant view a bit from helping and they didn't treat mutants as badly as before after they helped them. They realized that everything that happened was because of the way they had treated the mutants in the first place. PURIFIERS By the time the Purifiers arc happened nothing much had happened since the previous big event in his life. It was the same old same old. They had continued travelling around, expanding their operations all over the world. They had made a name for Vagabond. Though nobody knew who they were outside the criminal underworld. They kept a nice, tight lid on their operations. They didn't want the world knowing about them. For one it would make things harder, but for two it would also increase anti-mutant sentiment. Which was the second to last thing he wanted. However, something happened. He didn't know how or when. But somebody had slipped up. Somebody had came out and told the Purifiers about their operations. Needless to say they did not take too kindly to this. They attacked the group in a hotel room one night and kidnapped Adam whom they didn't know had no powers. They tracked the group down to find that they had executed their friend. Furious, TK set out on a path of revenge and vowed to avenge his friend and find out who the hell had ratted them out. They came into conflict with some of the other groups again because of their vendetta with the Purifiers. But they weren't out to kill the whole group. Just the animals that had specifically killed Adam. They were able to deduce the five members who did had executed Adam and TK took them in and tortured them until they gave up who had told them about them. It was an old contact of their groups. The man had betrayed Vagabond and tried to kill them, not knowing they were mutants, after they delivered what he had hired them to steal. Of course, this didn't work and they beat him and exposed him as a crime lord before returning what they stole. The contact disappeared into the criminal underground. Once he got the information he needed he let the Purifiers go. He had a real target now. After months of tracking every dead end lead they finally were able to find the man who scoffed at them telling them that if they gave him to police he'd be able to get out of it and blah blah blah. TK used his tactile telekinesis to rip open the man's chest which killed the criminal. SKRULLSDuring the attack of the Skrulls, TK easily deduced Cody was not Cody and eventually uncovered parts of the mystery behind this. However, rather than announce he knew of the impostor. He instead chose to attack the impostor in his sleep and tortured him in an attempt to get the location of their friend from him. this however, did not work as the impostor would die before talking. They found out that their friend had died on a solo mission and the Skrulls took advantage of this. Despite feeling angry about this, they knew the Skrulls hadn't killed their man. And on the account that he liked to keep his friends out of things, he gave the Skrulls back their impostor while they stayed out of the ensuing battles and conflicts and what not. Entrusting the saving to the people like the X-men. So instead they kept up their everyday normal life of thievery and under cover operations and what not. Helping people whenever they could. CURRENT HISTORY The group had shrunk considerably. Just TK, Alison and his little sister. Their only method of transportation was Alison's teleportation so when she seemingly disappeared they weren't left with many options on how to find her. But TK did his best and poured all his resources into finding her. Calling up old favors and debts that needed to be repaid to them from over the years to track down any leads. It's always surprising what you can find when you know where to look. Unfortunately, they were too late. She had been killed by someone. Though who he had no clue. But now his sister was taken from him and he wasn't going to put up with this anymore. Someone was going to pay for this. It was during his search for Alison that his paths crossed the X-men and together, with both their information, they were able to find one of their own students as well as his sister, though she was gravely injured. But she was alive. In a fit of murderous, vengeful rage he almost killed those responsible, but he wa stopped and coaxed out of it by the X-men before being brought back to the mansion where his sister would be healed. Statistic: TK has killed a total of twenty-two people in his life. Including ones mentioned and ones in-between the big events of his life. SAMPLE RP POST: TK was not feeling very comfortable at the moment. In fact, he was feeling anything but. He was still mourning the loss of his close friend Alison and he had just come from visiting his sister in the medical bay. He had only gotten to the X-mansion the night before and is sure was . . . luxurious? It was beautiful and had quite some amazing scenery. But he wasn't used to any kind of luxurious life. His life was very, very far from that. He was out on the streets with his sister by fourteen and had had to do some pretty gruesome things in the past six years that followed that. In all the times he pictured the future he never pictured himself at the X-mansion. Or with any faction so to speak. He tended to look out for the best interest of his sister. He also hadn't exactly popped into the faction at an ideal time. One of the head honcho's around here had recently died. Other than that there were a few billion other reasons he could think of that made him feel uncomfortable at the moment. For starters maybe it was because he was standing over the grave of a dead guy. He had never met the man. But he had a certain respect for the dead and had come to pay his respects. Besides from the way he heard people talk about the deceased man he could tell that he was obviously a good man. His name was Scott Summers. TK's hands were inside his black leather jacket with the two large white rings around the biceps. He wore a pair of brown timberland boots with a pair of faded blue jeans with a black belt and a vintage looking black Journey band t-shirt that was partially tucked into his pants though came out stylishly on the left part of his front side. "So uh . . . Mr. Summers . . . I uh heard a lot about you. I never met you, but . . . from the reaction around here, I figured you had to a pretty great guy . . . Figured I'd come pay my respects." TK said somewhat awkwardly with a bit of sensitivity and remorse that you usually couldn't find in his Texan voice. He had a great respect for the dead. He rarely ever spoke dead of them. And if he ever did they had to of been rather terrible. But he didn't like talking about those terrible people anyway. Those were part of his private tragedies. His many private tragedies. HE heard someone's footsteps coming in the grass over small twigs and leaves and what not. He turned away from the grave figuring whoever it was probably had come to the headstone to either pay their respects or to cry or wanted to be alone or something. After all, he was a stranger on this soil. He remembered when he had lost Cody. And when he had lost Adam. He hadn't exactly wanted the comfort of strangers. No . . . on those occasions he had wanted to be alone or to be comforted by those close to him or to get revenge or to avenge his fallen friends or a number of other things. But he had certainly not wanted the soothing company of a random stranger who was only their because his sister was currently being healed in the medical bay on campus. He would leave the person be so they could mourn their fallen friend, mentor, ally or whatever he might have been to them. He wondered where he'd bury Alison. He had a body this time. Unlike with Cody. And she deserved a proper burial and a head stone. |
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| Betsy Braddock | Apr 7 2013, 09:48 PM Post #2 |
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Telepathy (I'm not a bloody ninja)
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Hey BBeetle, sorry for the delay; this doesn’t normally happen and please don’t take it to heart. That being said, I do have feedback for you so you’ll need to bear with me and if you have any questions please get in touch and we can discuss things. 1. Okay, Legacy Squad. If he’s been at the mansion for only a day, he’ll need more experience at the mansion before joining. His past experiences don’t really transfer to being an X-man and he seems to need a lot of help getting the balance right before he’d be allowed anywhere near a live mission. 2. Powers for the most part are good, but some areas need a little more detail. Such as the assembly/disassembly aspect – is there a limit to how big an object he can pull apart? You need to be careful in game that you know your limits with what he can understand – like don’t go taking apart delicate machinery unless it’s logical that he can understand how they work. I see you have flight as a later capability – that’s great but make sure you keep us informed of when you want to progress and again, like the Legacy Squad, earn it. 3. Personality is a little blocky; watch out for this in other areas of the application and indeed writing in general. Avoid being repetitious as well. You’re also approaching this application more like a survey or exam; you don’t need to do things like cite other areas of the application and there are parts where this just comes across as a bit of a list, so try and get a better flow going. Feel free to read approved applications galore and threads too, if you’re confused as to what I mean.
Now, this’ll sound picky, but that would sound much better phrased in third person, such as:
Or something such as that, where you basically avoid first person and make the app about him and not just what you plan to do with him. Finally, this is a contributing factor in why I’m saying he’d be better as a student right now, unless you can work it better:
This is just a no; he will drop the killing thing BEFORE he becomes a Legacy Squad member, or he will not be on the Squad, as he’ll be considered too much of a dangerous liability. It may not be your intention, but you handle the subject matter in such a blasé manner that you don’t seem to take it seriously either, and it is just there for dramatic effect. If you want to be a serious candidate for the Legacy Squad, he must show remorse and willingness to put that all in the past and importantly, get some control and not lose it. 4. History, again you have these huge paragraphs going on and a LOT of information condensed into blocks and it gets a little overwhelming and it seems a bit rushed. Apocalypse – you don’t seem to show a lot of understanding for the plot here. Apocalypse never came on to the field of batter to be fought and the Horsemen were in location specific places. All the same there were disasters that went on around the world of an environmental nature and this is what you have to acknowledge in the very least, not a side battle with three random villains and beating them. How long had Alison been pregnant for? I can’t get a time frame but it seems like she’d been pregnant for years. Why was she fighting when pregnant anyway? Naturally she’d be distressed and fall into depression but she also needs serious medical attention. It’s dramatic effect to me, and it’s one of those things that should be handled with nothing but absolute respect, full stop. I have qualms about this little band of mutants – I appreciate the street can toughen up people, but how was he able to go around, with his sister who was a child and meet up these kids and just survive, without people who were bigger and badder handing their asses to them or the police taking them off the streets and into foster care? They seem to be a hardcore version of the Runaways to me and I need to see a little better justification for survival.
I’m confused; they’re developing criminal contacts to rebuild? Or to go kick ass on? They’re little badasses and you need to tone this right back as it’s making less and less sense as it goes on. Street gangs are okay, to a point, but don’t try and make them the baddest of baddasses, as that does not work when it comes to retconning yourself into a world. Why haven’t people come across them before?
And no one noticed? No. If they’re all criminal underworld, then someone would have found them, spanked them and sent them to bed without supper by now. The Purifers arc is again, one big block and slightly gratuitous involvement, but it is not as bad as the Skrulls – the whole point of the Skrulls swapping themselves for people was that they blended in perfectly. It’s showing that TK is incredibly violent as well and potentially mentally imbalanced considering some of the things he has done. Seriously, I mean you no disrespect but this history needs a lot of work. TK just comes across as some sort of ultimate badass tough guy who’ll need considerable therapy and proper training before he can be allowed to be an X-man. He’d be a serious liability with what you have outlined now, that seems more for drama than genuine character building. I also don’t see the need to tag on how many people he has killed in his life at the end of the history. He should be a member of the Brotherhood if you want people to be impressed by that. Finally, the sample – please remember that Cyclops died recently in game. As a standalone thing, it’s fine enough, but again, avoid using big blocks of text. I am sorry if this seems to just slam you; I’m not here to tell you that you’ve done a bad job, but a lot of what you have in the history seems to not work, on many levels. It isn’t even the killing, it’s the other foundations that you have built on, like the group just surviving and making big names for themselves, the fact he seems to have been more aware in plots than people in the factions were at the time, etc etc etc. If you need help, please contact me or another member of staff and we’ll work things out, otherwise please respond to this thread when you have edited. |
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| Betsy Braddock | Apr 14 2013, 11:53 AM Post #3 |
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Telepathy (I'm not a bloody ninja)
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Is this being worked on? Please respond with edits by April 21st or this will be moved to denied due to inactivity. |
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8:21 AM Jul 11