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Galygin, Zailen; Nexus
Topic Started: Oct 10 2013, 06:41 AM (654 Views)
Nexus
Unregistered

[align=center]PLAYER INFORMATION[/align]

NAME: Person
CONTACT: AIM, Skype, YIM, PM just ask
HOW YOU FOUND US: Google -you were the first that popped up.-
OTHER CHARACTERS ON THE SITE N/A for now
RULES CODE: Blackbird

CREDIT WHERE IT'S DUE:
http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Power_Mixture
http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Ice_Manipulation
http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Gravity_Manipulation
And then me, because its in my own wards. Also information found in the RP

[align=center]CHARACTER INFORMATION[/align]

[align=center]Posted Image[/align]
-Trevor Wright-

BASIC INFORMATION

CANON OR ORIGINAL: Original
AFFILIATION: Student

FULL NAME: Zailen, Galygin
CODENAME: Nexus
NICKNAMES: Zue-Zue [Hates it] Zike

CURRENT AGE: 18
DATE OF BIRTH: 8/28, at 3:45 am
MARITAL STATUS: Single
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Homosexual
BASE OF OPERATIONS: Xavier's School for Gifted Youth, Westchester, NY
TIME AT INSTITUTE: Very New
REGISTERED WITH SHIELD? No
HOMETOWN: Scottsville Ky
KNOWN RELATIVES:
*Dad: Ryan Dale Galygin/44, [Took own life] Human, Car Mechanical
*Mom: Anya Cray Galygin/35, [Would be 45 but passed away] Mutant, Inscribe: able to make words or shapes form on surface as if out of black, blue, red, or yellow ink. Was a Teacher
*Brother: Johnny Dale Galygin/23, [Still alive] Human, General Practice Doctor
*Twin Brother: N/A /18, [Never really born] Mutant, Would have had Plant Manipulation
*Sister: Grace Marine Galygin/14, [Still alive] Mutant, Insect Telepathy: Only on Butterflies for now
-Like Family- The Veno-Men
*Kevin Frisken/18 [Still alive] Mutant, Kinetic Shield: Able to make shields our of kinetic force, the more they are hit the stronger they get.
*Evan Frisken/14 at death [by fire] Mutant, Acid Generation: Able to bring out acid from all bodily orifices.
*Christopher Vierra/15 at death [by fire] Mutant, Upgraded Form: Able to grow to the size of an adult body builder with super strength
*Isaac Heffner/17 at death [by gun fire] Mutant, Matter Liquefaction: Able to turn any form of matter into a liquid, other then living matter without heat or force.
*Dominic Coffey/19 at death [by gun fire] Mutant, Cukinesis: Able to move around and reshape copper through will.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

HEIGHT: 5'6”
BUILD: Being naturally on the thin side, Zailen is by no means in shape, and his only form of exercise now days is a swim in a pool or a nice walk to the corner store. Despite not being up for a daily work out, what he is lacking in upper body strength, he makes up for in speed and lower body strength. Lucky for him being skinny runs in his family do to his dad being on the thin side. In short he has just enough strength and is in shape just enough to keep up with the team he is/will be on. His skin is on the lighter tan side, like most people that go out in the sun daily but has enough common sense to not let his skin turn to leather. His body naturally has very little hair, and its hard for him to grow facial hair so he just shaves the little he does have off.
EYES: Right Blue, Left Green
HAIR: Zailen's hair is half spiked, and around three inches long with a dark brown color. Throughout the year the shade darkens and lightens do to being in the sun more or less. When his hair is lightened, or held up to the sun you can see the dark red that lightly runs through it, that he got from his mother, same with the very little arm and leg hair that he does have. He bleached his hair once, and it damaged it so bad it snapped off, he had to wait two full years before it was back to normal, even now its still not back to how it was, its more dry.
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: His eyes being two different colors, and a small mole on his right cheek are the big things. The upper left side of his lip is smaller then the other side, and his right ear is just a bit lower.
CLOTHING STYLE: His clothing is very much jeans and a long sleeve shirt, some times button up, some times turtleneck. He sticks to darker colors like black, dark greens and dark blues. He has on a high color black cotton coat that comes down just over his knees with a high collar. He has black boots that give him another inch or two. Zailen tries to dress on the nicer side but with him not having very much money its some what hard to do that. Safety pins are Zailen's best friends, but not in the emo fashion way, he really uses them to hold things together, mostly his clothing that may be coming apart, so its not unlikely that if asked for one, he will have some.
UNIFORM: Zailen doesn't really have a uniform, he mostly has puts on a mix of black and gray everything, from boots to pants to shirt. When in the cold he has on a long knee length coat with a big hood that covers his face just enough to not be seen if needed. Everything is light weight even the boots he has on because he doesn't want to be weighed down by anything.

POWERS

GENERAL DESCRIPTION:
Synergy: Do to Zailen absorbing his twin in utero (inside mother) he now has DNA as if from two people (him and his brother's). This also means that he took on the powers that his brother would have had, had he of been born. Do to this the second power has nothing to do with the first because it's as if from a whole other person.

Gyrokinesis: A user of gyrokinesis is able to tap into and manipulate the the gravitational field within a given space. They are able to add or subtract the level of force that is pressing down on ether themselves, others, or whatever is in their given space that they wish to use it on. This force can manifest in a wave that swashes over someone given time, or all at once like a brick wall stopping something in its tracks or pulling it in a direction. Very powerful users are able to center the force in one spot, pulling things from all sides much like a black hole would, pulling things in and crushing them. Some skilled users are even able to lift off the ground an fly at super speeds. Those that have control over this power are able to give the illusion of telekinesis do to being able to move things with an invisible force.

This was Zailen's original power, the one he still would have been born with had he not have absorbed his twin. Because of this, he is more fluid, flexible, and adaptive, being able to learn how to use it much faster. Zailen is able to use this power for a full three to three and a half hours at one time, before his body starts to give way on him. Zailen's range can reach anywhere up to forty feet before it starts to fade out, his fading out gives him another ten feet of weaker force, and then at the end of that 10 feet he has no control over gravity unless he was to movie his body forward. Because Zailen is not only adding force to something but taking it away, he is more free to move things around then a telekinesis user because there is no longer a force working against him. But as of now Zailen lacks specific control, meaning rather then being able to pick up one small rock, he has to pick up the rock he wants and the surrounding ones. Zailen's power manifests in the form of orbs, or spheres pulling whatever is inside to the center and then he moves it around from there within that forty feet of him on all sides. This means anything inside the orb is pulled to the center of the orb or whatever he is focusing on that being an abject, person, or space, as if turning it into a magnet.

-Levitation/Flight: As a sub power Zailen will learn to fly, through picking up his own body with his orbs and moving the orb around. As of now he has only learned to lift himself up off the ground about 6 feet or so and move around just a little. But as for out right flying he is still awkward and all over the place. This also zaps his energy and can only do this for an hour.

Chlorokinesis: This power is the power to make plants in all its forms, grown and move around at the users will. Powerful users can turn a seed into a full grown tree withing minutes. Some can grow and change plants from the ground, and some need there to already be a seed or plant to grow. Some users of this power can cross breed plants and make new ones of their own to grown and use in fighting. Some users can form weapons out of plants to attack with or make pollen move around like dust in the wind, to heal people.

When Zailen uses this power his left eye glows green as well as the finger nails/toes and the veins of his left side. He then is able to make plants grow at least two times their size and move around. He is also able to make just about any plant grow thorns, even if the plant doesn't naturally have them. These thorns can grow up to 5 inches long and are very sharp to the point of scratching glass with ease. When Zailen uses this power he normally makes vines grown around his arm all the way up to the shoulder like a long gauntlet. He then makes those thorns grow out the finger tips giving him claws on his left hand. This gauntlet gives him two times the strength of a normal human. He is able to swing it around and smash things, and when its cut, it rabidly grows back.

WEAKNESSES
[Synergy] Weakness: Even though Zailen has these two powers, he can not use them at the same time, he must use one or the other, and if he tries to use both, there is a violent reaction much like wires that touch and then spark, or open power lines touching water. If he keeps trying to do it he will create a concussive force explosion that will not only hurt those around him but himself as well.

[Gyrokinesis] Weakness: As long as something is inside Zailen's orb, he can reduce the gravity/force on it to nothing/zero, but as soon as it is out of his orb that part goes back to its normal weight. Zailen as of now can only add 900lbs on something before his nose starts to bleed and then withing 3 minutes passes out for at least 12 hours. His body is not super in any way, and he isnt able to use this power to make his body super. For now the force inside his orbs pull inward to the center like a black hole. This leave him pulling things rather then pushing like a telekinesis user. Zailen is able to create only three different 9 feet orbs at one time that can only go up to 40 feet away from him. This also splits up the gravity/force amongst the 3 of them, making them each only able to give 300lbs of force. He is able to move them around simultaneously or separately but it takes a lot more concentration for separately and he can not “feel” where something is, he must look at it, otherwise he could have picked up a random thing when he is trying to move something else. He can use his power on the other side of a wall, but he cant see what he is doing.

[Chlorokinesis] Weakness: This is the power that he took on from his twin, and because of this it doesn't feel natural to him. When he uses this power it feels like someone else is in control of it and not him. But that could just be him feeling guilty for what he did to his twin and wanting to some how feel close to him. His real arm is still inside the gauntlet and so if something cuts through it, it could cut off part of his arm, and that doesn't heal. Zailen is only able to control plants with his left arm, un-like his other power, where he can use his whole body. He can also only control plants within 20 feet of his left arm. Zailen can not grow plants from nothing, in order to us this power there must be plants somewhere around him before hand. Thats why he has seeds in a little bag on him at all times, or at least tries to.

PERSONALITY
Growing up with a mentally abusive dad doesn't help anyone, and adding in him loosing his mom when he was young doesn't help ether. But despite all that, after finely making friends with other people like him he started to feel “normal”, or as normal as some one like him could be. So for the most part he was happy, hanging out with his friends. He was nice, caring, and willing to help anyone, it showed through his little group helping old ladies find their cats. But then when the apocalypse happened thats when his innocence started to die, he started doing what he was told. He started helping because he had to not because he wanted to, life became less of a game and more real. Growing up through an apocalypse takes its tole on a kid, it changes them, make them harden and more of a shell then a person. It wasn't till weeks after the apocalypse was over that he started getting back to the light hearted person that he was. It didn't last very long...The attack from the purifiers would have been the last straw, loosing two more of his best friends would have been the last straw, but he had his sister and dad to take care of. He at this time started acting more irrational and doing thing he normally wouldn't. He wasn't taking orders like he had before, but he wasn't making calls ether. When his dad died that was it, and he knew he needed to get out of town, and his friend was able to talk him into seeing his brother, showing that he was now becoming more impressionable.

Zailen has matured greatly within the last 4 years of his life and is now thinking more logical about things before acting. He still has a dark outlook on life, and from time to time he can get a bit stressed about the littlest of things, like not finding the TV remote. But the stress isn't normally overwhelming, he is just on edge for a bit when it happens. Zailen has a touch of indecisiveness and this has lead to him being less of a leader and more of a team player, but that doesn't make him a follower. He is fully capable of functioning on his own and is able to make decisions when they don't effect things on such a wide scale, that's why the decision to ask for his brother's help was so influenced by his best friend. Since he showed up at the school he has shown to be more of an introvert by many of the other people at school. Mostly because he just has not met many people, but also he has a hard time talking to others. Zailen is more of the people watcher, trying to learn about people and what they are like, without having to really get to know them. He has no problem holding a conversation with someone, but they are normally the one to initiate. When someone gets to know him, they will find that he can be caring, he can also joke around and be funny, but hates practical jokes, or jokes at someone else's expense. If pushed too far, Zailen will stand up for himself, and others but it takes quite a bit and normally before it happens he walks away even if just into the other room. When it comes to authority, like cops, he has a short fuse being very passive aggressive and non-cooperative, getting him in more trouble then needs to be.

HISTORY: PRE-APOCALYPSE Zailen was born on August 28th 1995 to Ryan and Anya Galygin in Scottsville Ky, but before that he had been a twin in utero, only the doctors, him and his mom and dad know that to this day. He was 7 when his mom and dad set him down and let him know what had happened, and that he was meant to be a twin. They wanted to tell him at the right time but his mom was sick and they wanted to tell him together, she passed away the next year. He spent a little time in mental therapy growing up, but his dad didn't have the money to keep up with it so he was cut off. His dad wasn't the nicest guy when he was a kid, and often went out drinking with his friends when he wasn't working in his shop fixing peoples cars. When he came home he more of just smashed stuff and messed the house up, but never intentionally hit any of the kids, they did get cot in the cross fire every now and then.

He didn't have a bad life, and they were much better off then some families, his brother for the most part took the place of their mom. When their dad's drinking started, his brother had to take care of them, getting everyone ready for school and cleaning up the house before their dad got up so he wouldn't see what happened. Mostly because their dad always forgot, or at least acted like he did and so would ask how something happened and then get mad. His brother was the smart one, when he was old enough he was never home when their dad got home after the bar. He even took Zailen and their sister with him sometimes went he went out, at least till Zailen was old enough to watch their sister. Then Zailen next to never saw ether of them, and was always left home, to watch his sister.

Five days after Zailen turned 11 he started feeing odd as if he was lighter, and as he sat up in bed his body as well as everything in his room started to life off of the surface it was sitting on. He thought about yelling for his brother but he didn't want his dad to hear. Everything dropped to the ground even him when his brother knocked on the door to tell him it was time to get up for school, something Zailen's brother still did from time to time. He went to school just like every normal day, nothing happened, he had even tried to make things lift up and move on his lunch break, but nothing. This led him to think that he was ether crazy, or it was a dream. Three days went by and he finely was able to get his powers to do it again, this happened when he knocked everything off the table at breakfast. Sadly for him he learned that his brother was a mutant hater, or maybe he was just jealous, ether way he told their dad later that day and things just went down hill from there, in a bad way. His dad's true feelings came out and he learned how much he was hated just for not being like them, “normal”.

The next year, on the anniversary of him learning about his power, he left home, left his dad, brother, sister, and their hateful ways, and set out for New York City. His reason, because its a place so big that no one would find him or know who he was, and he could start a new life. He was 12 and didn't know any better, and so he didn't get very far before the cops found him and took him back home. He saw less of his family over the years, not even having to baby sit his sister because his brother didn't want to leave them alone together, like he was going to kill them or something. This left Zailen with a lot of free time on his hands after school, and so he tried to put it to good use, using it to try and learn about his new power. He soon became very adventurous in his small town and found a place, out of sight out of mind that he could, for the most part play around. Because thats what most 12 year olds in his town did, but also a place he could freely use and learn about his power.

He found a wooded place, with what looked like an old abandoned farmhouse, but it wasn't abandoned. It had been taken over by a group of five teens ranging from 13 to 16, the good part about this was, they were all mutants. It didn't take more then a year, and they became a very close group of friends. They did everything together, and told each other just about everything. They would often train with each other, nothing really big, and it was always more of a game then anything. The day after he turned 13, he was out with is friends, they now called themselves The Veno-Men, they were in the woods and Zailen tripped and fell into a tree and his left hand grabbed a low handing branch. This branch wrapped around his arm and formed into a glove and came off the tree, he freaked out and didn't know what to do, he was trying to pull it off with his right arm but it didn't work. He went the rest of the day with this tree on his arm, and when they got back to the abandoned farmhouse, one of the other boys found an axe head and was about to smash it into the wood but the wooden gauntlet cracked and fell off. He learned that he had an all new power to learn about, but he put it on the back burner and mostly used his first power.

DURING APOCALYPSE (April 7th through April 12th, 2009)
When the apocalypse started, it was a day just like any other for Zailen, he was with his friends when the famine hit them. Zailen was in no way a leader, and so when the town bounded together to fight through the apocalypse, he and his friends fell in line. The town was small enough that everyone knew just about everyone and so they all worked together, those who lost their homes set up a place in town hall, and everyone moved closer inward. People got new jobs, jobs that were needed if they were all going to survive, others picked up two jobs. By the time the apocalypse was over, many had left their town, and even more had died. Only three of Zailen's friends lived through the six days of the apocalypse, two died in a fire that was set by a crazy man when everyone was sleeping. They lost half the town that day, not just the people but buildings and homes.

POST-APOCALYPSE 
The apocalypse didn't end on April 12th, only the war did, the effects lasted much longer. But like they say, Rome wasn't built in a day and the rebuild of their town wasn't going to ether. But lucky for the town, what was left of the “Veno-Men” were still around and ready to help in any way they could. Now they were not the only mutants in town, but they were the only organized group and so they helped in whatever way they could. A year went by and things were going good, at least for those living in Scottsville ky. They had got the power and water going again and that was the biggest thing that happened that year.

PURIFIERS
Things were going good for the small town of scottsville ky, some people were even driving cars again, but that was before the Purifiers came. When they first hit Zailen's town, it was late on a Friday, and no one saw it coming, and because it was a small town the purifiers didn't stay long, but their damage was no less then that of the apocalypse. They killed just about all the mutants, those who didnt die were the ones that ran, just like Zailen and his friend Jake. His other two friends were not so lucky, they were killed on spot by gun fire.

Jake, Zailen, and his little sister ran, they ran to the only place they could think of , the abandoned farmhouse in the woods. The purifiers were there for only an hour or two, but it felt like the longest day of Zailen's life, he didnt know who was dead or not, all he knew was only the 3 of them made it out of town. It wasn't till after they saw the last of the purifiers leave that they made their way back to the town to see the damage that had unfolded. There wasn't a building left standing other then town hall and thats where they found everyone, they had locked all the humans inside. Zailen used his power to bust open one of the weak old doors and help everyone out. He found his dad and brother, and they went home. When they got back to the place of where their home was, it was now just rubble, and so after getting what they could find, they went back to town hall.

SKRULLS
Zailen was still in his home town for the Skrulls attack, he was still once again cleaning up his home town after the purifiers had destroyed it. This time it took longer because not only did they destroy everything, but they took the lives of mutants that helped rebuild the last time something destroyed their town. The only thing they new was that a year later over the radio there was talk of things called Skrulls that where here to help, and he remembers thinking. If that was true they would be here in his town helping them fix it up again. That was before his mind was taken over and he lost days, and had no idea what he did within those days of black out.

CURRENT HISTORY
It took another two years to fix up their town, the population was just over 100 people, they were standing strong. But the stress of what had happened and what was going on in the town now was taking its tole on Zailen's family, and his dad was drinking even more then he had been. At this time his brother had left to go to school to become a doctor, and now it was just Zailen, his dad, best friend and little sister. On the eve of his mother's death, his dad took his own life, leaving just the two of them to find him when they cam home from school one day. Life went on, and because he was 18 he was able to live in the house with his sister just long enough to finish high school. After that, they packed up the little they had, then him and his sister headed out of there, to go find their older brother. Even tho they didn't get along he knew that their brother would at least take in their sister and thats all he needed.

His best friend gave them just enough money to mix with the little money they had for a buss ride to New York. With a knock at a door that he hopped was the right one, his brother answered with a smile that faded to disbelief. After letting him know that their dad had killed himself, and that they needed a place to stay for a short time, his brother said that their sister could stay. After staying one night Zailen got up before anyone else, grabbed his stuff and left. He didn't know where he was going but after spending a day or two in a homeless shelter he heard talk about different places that took in mutants, the Xavier school being one of them. After a bit more digging to find out the location and address of the place he found himself at the gate trying to find out a way to get someone's attention.

SAMPLE RP POST:

It had been a long day, and not having the money to pay for a taxi to get where he was going made it all the better. So there was Zailen with a bag on his back and a duffel bags in hand he would have been seen walking through the streets with a paper in hand, an address scratched on it in black ink. It was hot out and the sun was over head, so Zailen had on a short sleeve shirt with skinny jeans and some black vans shoes, not the best to be walking in. After almost being run over 3 times and being knocked down by a biker, he found the right way out of the city and was on the road heading to the Xavier mansion. He had stopped to rest and to get out of the sun for at least a little bit before starting up again. He had been walking for hours, and cars had been going by all day, he thought “Oh what I would give to have a car right now.” It didn't help that the sun was going down and it would be dark soon, thats all he needed was to be out and about in a place that he had never been before when it was getting dark.

The wind picked up and the temperature started to drop, so he reached into his bag after un-zipping it and pulled out his coat. Leaning back on a tree and pulling the coat up around his ears he slipped away in to a sleep. He was leaning on his backpack and his legs were on his duffel bag, so he felt when some one pulled on the bag under his legs and with a hand he shot out and grabbed his bag saying “hay, hay, wow watch out, thats mine”. It was dark and a light was shining in his face and he felt some one else grab his arm and lift him up off the ground. It was the cops, who then started to bombard him with questions, like “Whats your name?”, “what are you doing here.”, “Don't you have a place to go?”. Without thinking he pulled on his bag, pulling it out of the cops hands and then pulled himself free and took off through the park. They ran after him but he was already gone, he had ran into the bushes and then using his force power, went up over a wall.

Landing on the other side he sat down and waited, listening for anything that may give away that they knew where he went. From there he made sure he had all his stuff and then he took off again, it wasn't long before he was jumping another fence and then onto the road, he ran for what felt like forever and when he finely stopped he found himself in front of a large gate, and looking at the paper, some how still in his hand he read the address and then saw it matched up with the gate. Slamming his back to the gate he sunk down to the ground and sat there trying to catch his breath. After a bit of time, he got up and pushed the call button and waited for something, anything, anyone to answer back, he barely heard their voice over the sound of his own heart beat in his ears. All he remembered was the buzz of the gate opening and some one coming out to see him, he didn't know who, and he didnt remember what they said.
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Nexus
Unregistered

Just to let the people know who are going over characters, I did a whole re-write of the second paragraph of the personality, because I really didn't like it after reading it 5 times after posting, I'm sorry.
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Betsy Braddock
Member Avatar
Telepathy (I'm not a bloody ninja)
Hey Person, sorry for the delay on this.

You’re going to need to bear with me a bit as I go through my feedback, but if you need help please contact myself or another staff member.

1. Name/family - the name you have given your character is real, but you’ve not made it clear where this name comes from. If he has a Russian heritage etc, why don’t his siblings have similar names? Why are they utterly normal in that respect?

You don’t really need to go into detail with a huge supporting cast of NPCs who aren’t his family. It’s a nice touch, but it’s also a little fan fictiony. Remember you’re here to establish connections with existing characters and not go into excessive detail about his personal cast, especially when you barely mention them in the history anyway.

2. Uniform - a technicality, but on joining the school he will be given the standard training uniform for students, nothing else.

3. Powers - okay, we gave you the all clear to try for two powers but frankly, I am not seeing much more than you want to do it for the sake of it. While I appreciate you don’t use his dead twin as a dramatic plot twist, you don’t seem to put little regard on the fact he absorbed his twin’s DNA aside from he had ‘mental therapy’. You either need to more adequately address this, or drop it and pick one power. I’ll go over the powers properly when you’ve done this.

4. Personality - your very first sentence of this section tosses up a couple of red flags. His mother died and his father was mentally abusive. We appreciate that things are not always sunshine and roses, but don’t go down the path of dramatics too much either, as this is kind of a recurring theme for you.

The section gets a little hard to read in the first paragraph, as its more of a mini history than a personality as well. You’re charting events and how he reacts to them in brief, which gives us an insight but mostly, its a series of unfortunate events.

A lot of the personality traits you do list in the second chunk make it sound like he won’t have an easy time at the school. This is absolutely fine, but you’ll have to understand as a player that not everyone will be trying to coax him out of his shell (as in, you will need to be proactive about starting/joining threads and not expect other characters to instigate all dialogue/action etc), or turn a blind eye to his passive aggressive ways. That’s not how the school works.

5. History - the early part is a muddle of drama/not drama. He had therapy for a bit about his twin, but there’s no real explanation on the impact, his mother died, but you don’t say what was wrong with her or how it really hit the family, his father was a drinker who smashed the house up/was mentally abusive, but his upbringing wasn’t that bad… It implies that you’ve not thought this through. You also need to proofread - and this goes for the whole app - as there are a lot of spelling/grammar areas and words used incorrectly.

When you say he met his friends, you go off on a major tangent about his plant powers and you don’t actually tell us about meeting them, other than the one using an axe to free him. You’re trying to write about too much at once and you need to pace yourself.

Apocalypse - I’m not sure I understand this section. What were they fighting exactly? You make it sound like it went on for months as well, with people leaving and getting new jobs. You also kill off his friends at random, but there was barely any backstory about them (aside from what you list under ‘family’) so it makes it seem like drama without real consequence.

Post Apocalypse - what war? It may have seemed like a war, but where he was located, they would have been impacted by the geographical effects more than anything. It was basically a really bad storm. It would have damaged the town, but things wouldn’t have been so dire, as there would have been help from the state etc.

Purifiers - Even driving cars again? Things were not that bad in Apocalypse. Really. Also why did the Purifiers attack and wipe out an entire town? They were after mutants, with attacks primarily concentrated on New York City/State. There were other attacks, on other towns, but they were not going around just levelling everything.

Skrulls - You don’t seem to understand the timeframe between plots either, because it was almost ten months between the last attack of the Purifiers in NYC and the Skrulls revealing themselves. But, you also don’t really seem to understand the plot either. I’m not trying to slam you, but you need to take a lot more time to read and absorb things, then write them out more carefully.

Current - I’m losing track of the background drama here. You also need to try and include some of the current plot, like Spiral’s viral #killyourheroes campaign or the waves of terror currently circulating the globe. It wouldn’t have been a cakewalk to New York City right now.



Overall, this app, especially the history, needs a lot of work. There are a lot of red flags in many areas (such as his family life etc) and you need to show better that you understand things. I’m not asking you to give us an essay and get everything exactly right, but if you are going to utilize plots in the way you are doing, then they do need to be more accurate. And again, spell check and proof read, carefully. That is one of the main points that’s letting you down right now. Don’t take this personally though, I’m not here just to slam people. You might want to consider going back to formula and picking an easier path for your character, but if you need help, like I said before please do contact a staff member, else respond here when you’re done. Thanks.
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Betsy Braddock
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Telepathy (I'm not a bloody ninja)
Is this app still being worked on? Please let us know by NOVEMBER 14TH or it will be moved to denied for lack of activity, thanks.
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Aurora
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Moved to denied due to inactivity. Please contact staff to resume.
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