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| Vector | |
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| Topic Started: Feb 14 2014, 09:10 PM (966 Views) | |
| VECTOR | Feb 14 2014, 09:10 PM Post #1 |
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(Deleted) |
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| Mystique | Feb 16 2014, 05:41 PM Post #2 |
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Hello, Jay. Welcome to XMR. Basic and Physical Info: This all looks fine. Powers: I like the powerset; technically empathy is a restricted ability but this is a cool enough spin on it that I'll let it slide. That said, I want his range dampened a bit. For such an offensive power, 400 feet is a little much in the way of scope; try halving that. As far as the beams; I want a definite range on that; all energy disperses over time, how long can these beams travel before they begin to break into harmlessness, and does course correction via vectoring speed that dispersal up at all? Weakness is fine and addresses any other power concerns I had. Personality: This is where my issues begin to arise; you have him as a very vile, very malignant person without any real sense of why; this goes in tandem with the history; there is a ton of talk of how evil and vicious he is but no real reason for him to be, sure he's got your rigmarole tough kid upbringing but he's just traipsing about murdering the shift out of people to get himself high with zero remorse, it makes him very one dimensional and if you're not prepared for the off-casting that comes with that it will be very difficult to integrate him into this game, because someone like that isn't to be empathized with, they're to be put down, and as you have him building a classic history of this, as well as an internment by SHIELD, I doubt very much if any of the factions, good or evil, are going to trust him. That said if you're open to the kind of play from you that will require, it's fine, if a little loose and short. History; Same points as above, there's very little buildup to him going from 'problem child' to 'wanton killing machine' if you're very okay with having a detached character that nobody's going to sympathize with this is fine, but there are bigger issues at stake; Apocalypse, Post Apocalypse, Purifiers, and Skrulls need better filled out; sure, he can be in prison, but there were massive scrambles in and around Apocalypse by SHIELD to make sure nothing escaped, or to round up prisoners escaped when the Eye of Horus mule-kicked Earth in the balls. Purifers is the only one you might concivably get a pass on, as that was confined to a few select geographic areas. Skrulls would have effected him with the Complacency Wave; I'm sure there's interesting backstory to be found in a government captive who's suddenly been turned into a devotee of the Skrull army and is being kept in a cage. There is also zilch mention of the Illuminati plot that just wrapped on the board a few months prior; emerging into a post Illuminati world would be an important thing for someone who is (oddly) a self-styled 'villain' , because a lot of the powers that held the world by the throat are now eradicated or crippled, which creates a pretty big power vacuum for the small-timers like Vector who are left behind in their wake. So yeah, buff out the history as well taking those points into consideration. |
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| VECTOR | Feb 17 2014, 01:32 AM Post #3 |
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I made the changes you noted: Powers - Empathy absorption range halved and specified more on Vector Beams. Personality - Revamped and revised History - Added on Pre-Apoc, during Apoc, Skrulls, and Post-Apoc. |
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| Selene | Feb 20 2014, 02:27 PM Post #4 |
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Life Essence Absorption/ Shadowform
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I am alright with these changes now, and you have my [S T A M P] Another Staff-Member needs to give this final approval, and may ask for changes/edits I have not. |
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| Bishop | Mar 1 2014, 02:11 AM Post #5 |
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Let me start off by saying I know everybody hates revisions and edits, and you've already made several. However I'll be asking you to make more. And I'm going to point out that I'm not saying these things to be intentionally mean or bust your balls or whatever. Just pointing this out since some people think we admins are singling them out or something like that. And that's not the case. We simply want the game to be as fair as possible to everyone. But to be blunt, I can't allow this app the way it is now Vector has almost no limits, and the few limits he does have are vague and not much in the way of actually limiting him. Since you have his affiliation as "None", you should change it to Other. As Other is the group he'd be in with no official ties to any group. Powers As Dean pointed out, this is a neat spin on a power otherwise banned. And enough of one that we'd allow it. But even after the edits, he is still ridiculously powerful. The basics I'm fine with. Flight and such I'm fine with. But let's get onto what needs editing. Energy Carapace Flight/Speed - The energy reverberation and such allows him to fly at super-sonic speeds. Super-Sonic at it's base definition simply means being able to move faster than the speed of sound(i.e. Mach 1 - roughly 768mph). Do you meant to have him being able to fly at Mach 1? Mach 2? Mach 20? Obviously he can't go that high, but you do need to establish just how fast he can go. Because super-sonic as I said means he can go at least mach 1. But not clarifying means he can essentially go as fast as he wants. Also, does his perception of time and reflexes increase so he can react at these speeds? For example it's natural for a speedster like Quicksilver to be able to react and think at the speeds he moves. But since speed is a byproduct of Surge's electrical powers, her body isn't naturally built to comprehend the speeds she can move. This also needs to be clarified, because moving at those speeds could be a weakness if he can't fully react to what's going on around him as he goes faster. Durability - Just how much damage can he take before his carapace/shell is ruptured? Also, at what rate does he lose power/energy once his carapace is damaged enough to allow it to seep out? Does it take a few seconds before he's forced to turn human again? A few minutes? Regeneration - You state in the weaknesses that he can easily reform and regenerate his carapace if damaged. How easily? How long does it take to reform? Does it further drain his already drained energy to do so? Honestly, this seems like a loophole to me. Damaging his carapace and flooding him with good empathy is one of the few ways to weaken him, hurt him, stop him. Yet if he can easily fix any damage done...what's the point? Length - How long can he stay in his energy form? Is there a time limit on it without feeding? Is there a time limit with feeding? Vampirism Feeding Range - What exactly do you mean by 200 feet? I'm assuming a 200 foot radius with him being the centerpoint? Because if you meant 200 Square Feet, then that would translate to roughly 14 feet in any direction. 200 feet is also a massive distance, especially in New York City where there's someone feeling bad or angry about something within 20-50 feet at any given time. At 200 feet, Vector could essentially be feeding all the time. I'm going to ask you cut this back. Maybe something like 60-75 feet. 100 max if he's really pushing. You have it stated that with his vampirism, Vector doesn't get full no matter how much he feeds.
He feels satisfied, but he can keep feeding because he just doesn't feel like stopping. Which means in the right conditions he can eat and eat and eat and become exponentially more powerful. I'm not quite comfortable with that as during many of the big battles he'd become pretty much unstoppable because he could not only feed off the people involved, but bystanders, etc, etc... Even in smaller fights as long as people are around, he could just feed and become strong as all get out. As such, I'd like a hard limit on how much it takes for him to get full. His ceiling, stopping point, whatever you want to call it. And maybe if he goes past this point due to his addiction to feeding, he overloads or something of that nature? Vector Beams
I'm not accusing you of copying, but these "Vector Beams" seem to be slightly altered "Omega Beams", the signature attack of Darkseid from DC Comics. From the way they can alter direction in mid-blast to the way that with sufficient power behind them they can atomize whatever they hit. Beyond that, the power behind them is simply too much. I have no problem with the concussive portion. I'd even allow it to go beyond that and have the beams pack more concussive force or generate heat as well when sufficiently boosted. But atomization is far too much, especially with how easily he can charge. Also, 300 feet at base before the energy begins to dissipate means he has one of the longest power ranges on this board, if not the longest and because of the "vectoring" he can hit anybody within that range because he can just will the beams to keep zig-zagging around until they hit the target. And even then, with a few moments of extra concentration, he can add 200 more feet to the distance. Also since the vector shifts don't decrease the beams power, speed, accuracy, or distance, there's pretty much no way to dodge them within that massive range which most fights will take place well within. This just screams OP to me. So I'm asking you downplay this and establish some numbers. I'm not entirely comfortable with the vector shifts, but I'll let you keep them in a limited form. However what I won't allow you to keep is the atomization effect and the insanely long distance. It's simply far too powerful. To clarify the edits for the Vector Beams - 1. Vector Beam Speed Established - Usually this isn't necessary, but because of the unique nature of this power, I feel the need to know how fast it is so we know where to go from there. 2. Vector Shifts to decrease the effectiveness of the beams-(i.e. every shift makes the beam a bit weaker, slower, dissipates faster, etc...) 3. Distance reduced - 300 feet at maximum range is already incredibly far, but 500 is much too much. As I stated previously, most if not all encounters will take place much closer than that so it's unnecessary for him to be able to reach those distances. 4. Vector Beam Effect Edited - As I stated earlier. Concussive force is fine. Even added heat element or something else when sufficiently amped is fine. Atomization however is not. To fully atomize a target is essentially a one hit kill and there is almost no character on this board that can withstand that. I honestly don't even see the point since anyone not an NPC would have to dodge it or block it some way to not be killed. So you'd never really get the chance to use it. 5. Explanation - I'm not quite sure I understand how someone is supposed to force him to break contact with the Vector Beams. As they are coming from him(usually his eyes). Hyper Kinetic Accelerated Strength It's clear from how you wrote this that you want him to be "Class 100". There's nothing wrong with that, as I have several Class 100 characters, including my OC. But to have him at 140 Tons base and able to reach "Near Cosmic Strength"...just no. I'm okay with him being Class 100 when he's absorbed like, near or the maximum amount of negative emotions he can. Maybe he's on a strength scale and gets gradually stronger the more he feeds. But to be easily Class 100 at base and able to reach cosmic levels with a bit of feeding, which has only been accomplished by the Phoenix Illuminati is out of the question. Cosmic doesn't even really fit here since aside from the moon, no one has left Earth and in comics Cosmic Level strength is doing things like moving or destroying planets and wrestling black holes. Also it reads like you're saying, "He can be as strong as I want and can outmuscle anybody." I'm not saying that's what you had in mind, but that's what it reads like to me. As for his weaknesses, they aren't really all that weakening. He feeds off of negative emotions to grow stronger, but unless a powerful enough empath(which there aren't many of) is around to send cheery feelings his way, positive emotions do nothing. Even then, he has to take a lot of damage to have his carapace cracked open before that's even a possibility. Since positive emotions weaken him, perhaps he has no control over feeding on them and if his carapace is damaged. It's like an automatic reaction or something. You already have him as an asshole most of the time and easily capable of killing. So I'm failing to see how becoming more of a bad guy while ingesting bad emotions is much of a weakness. Especially since you have him as a loner-type and not much for alliances. And does being forced to have these negative or happy emotions change how he acts? Is he lovingly and happily fighting with people? Do positive emotions make him stop doing bad things? Emotions and emotional changes don't necessarily dictate how a person acts and behaves. Someone could kill you with a smile on their face and be happy about it. Or they could kill you while filled with hate and rage. You say his body won't sustain with food and or water. Then you say he can live off food and water, but he'll basically be miserable until he actually feeds on what he needs and or craves in negative emotions. Can you make this a bit more clear as that is contradictory and needs to go one way or the other. Because if he can't live on food and water, he would have died during his imprisonment with SHIELD. As for the small town thing. I understand how it's a weakness, but I don't see it as an applicable one. The majority of this game takes place in New York, which is one of the largest cities in the country. What are the chances that he'll find himself in some small podunk town either willingly or against his will? And be there long enough for it to adversely affect him? Especially since you have him as an Other? All this is to say that he needs more weaknesses that actually are weaknesses. I've pointed out a few further up in the review like Vector Shifts weakening the effectiveness of the beams or a time limit on his energy form, not being able to fully react at his higher speeds. Things of that nature. Personality From the way this reads, he's an asshole/jerk/bad guy all around due to necessity of feeding, but he's still all that regardless. You also have it that he doesn't see the point of being nice only to rile people up so he can eat. And he loves being a villain. So is there need to point out how he "might" be a nice guy, but he acts mean? Will he ever actually be nice? Is he actually nice? Since he has this huge vengeful streak and would take a baby hostage just to make someone angry and has been a problem child since a young age, I'm assuming that's a no? Also wouldn't his dependency on negative emotions and his powers being emotion based, as well as outside emotions directly effecting his emotional state make him unable to hide his own "emotional weakness"? And him making these people react negatively to him would mean he acts the same way as he absorbs said emotions. Also he seems to be some sort of master planning, emotional genius who can come up with multitudes of layer upon layer plans that will utterly break anyone and make him come out on top. And all this. I don't quite understand the need for all that. It's like you're trying to make him this uber badass who can outthink and outmaneuver anybody. History
This series of events is confusing to me. Mainly because with multiple charges like arson, assault, robbery, and grand theft auto, he'd be in Juvie for a long time. Probably long enough for him to hit 18 and then they further sentence him as an adult. Also did you mean he committed his first murder at 16, and then killed the Warden and other inmates with his power discovery? Or it was his power discovery that led to the deaths of everyone was his first murder? It's a bit misleading. Directly after that, you have him escaping Juvie and going into hiding. How did he escape? How long did it take? Did he kill anyone else while escaping? You said he killed everyone in D-Block, but Prison Blocks are usually located well within the prison to make escape much more difficult. And D-Block is usually the worst cell block to be on. The hardest to get out of, etc... So he'd have to leave D-Block and work his way through the prison to an exit at some point, or just blast his way out. Regardless people would be responding almost immediately as soon as he killed the Warden and be on him in no time at all. Also him transforming and all of that would have been captured on the multitude of security cameras present in a correctional facility. And since he was already on record, as soon as people pulled those tapes he'd be plastered all over the news and law enforcement agencies throughout the state, if not the country since he'd be recognized as a powerful and potentially out of control mutant with an extensive and violent criminal history despite his young age. That is not the type of person you want running around free. Just how did he evade the police? He was a six foot+ guy with glowing blue skin and neon red lines on his body as well as glowing red eyes. He'd stick out like a sore thumb. And since he had just gotten his powers earlier that day, I doubt he was flying around or knew how to consciously change back to normal. Did he just get lucky and not get seen or noticed by any of the hundreds of people around? It's not easy to evade NYPD when there's a manhunt going on, and that's what it would have been. They might have even posted rewards and the homeless he found himself around might have turned on him or something. When he got to the pizza shop owner, he'd have been at least 18. Did the pizza guy just find him panhandling and go, "Well I've got an apartment and a job for you?" Also it's strange that he wasn't recognized by the owner or any of the dozens if not hundreds of people he delivered too; or even had a background check or anything. If he got pulled over and he didn't have a license or something, the owner would be in legal trouble. People look at things like this, even when helping out the homeless...especially when helping out the homeless. A few years isn't that much time for a person's face to change even with hard living, and the authorities would have never stopped looking for him with the amount of death he caused in that short amount of time and because he was a mutant. SHIELD probably would have been looking for him too and his face would still be everywhere and probably shown on the news periodically. Why didn't anyone call the cops on the guys clearly setting a store on fire in plain sight and mobbing? Would the pizza shop owner not call them? Would he still not call when Vince snuck away right after seeing a dangerous mob of men? Would he be at all concerned for his safety? Did he just up and quit his job and leave his only home to join up with the anti-mutant group after he followed them that night? You never make mention of the pizza guy again. Also, five years of running with an anti-mutantcy group would have gotten him noticed. Authorities, especially SHIELD keeps eyes on people like them. You point out that he could have used parental guidance, but his mom OD'd before the state took him and you said nothing about his father. That would mean at some point he got put into foster care and or adopted. He just straight up went to Juvie though. And you make absolutely no mention of his mother or father before this point. Did his dad run out? Was he dead? Did his mom even give a damn since he had a laundry list of not just misdemeanors, but flat out felonies before he was 16. When did she OD?
No. A guy who was already on SHIELD and the NYPD's list like Vector, who then comes back into the public eye guns-a blazin' would not simply be able to escape and keep escaping. From the police, yes given the nature of his powers. But SHIELD would have caught him very quickly being that reckless. They have an entire portion dedicated to nothing but mutants. And they have tons of technology to take mutants down. Deployable null fields, null bullets, etc, etc... Also are you saying he just grievously injured members of the top mutant hero team on the planet before giving them the slip every single time? Who have gone toe to toe with beings of unimaginable power and come out on top time and again? Even guys like Exodus and Magneto and Mr. Sinister don't take the X-Men that lightly.
This honestly makes no sense. SHIELD is not an organization of incompetents or people who aren't skilled at what they're doing. SHIELD is the best of the best of law enforcement on a global scale. Aside from Hodge, who was not so much incompetent as stubborn, everyone at SHIELD knows what they're doing. And they've been dealing with mutants for decades at this point. Why would they go through the effort of keeping him in solitary confinement and training guards to negate their emotions and bring in an empath to pump him with good vibes? When they could much easier put him in a cell with a null field? Or slap a null cuff on him and put him in a cell block with everyone else? It's much more efficient, time efficient and cost efficient than extra special training and such. Also, there would be virtually 0% chance of escape unless the tech failed, which is also an incredibly low chance. I know you needed a way for him to eventually escape, but you can ask Heather who plays Nick Fury if SHIELD would use your method instead of just using Null Tech and I can guarantee you she'd say no. In the case of the Complacency Wave, people didn't act much different from normal. They still went to work, did their jobs, etc, etc. People just knew the Skrulls were awesome and amazing and were doing a good job running the planet. You mentioning his age in current history at 32 also brings up a time disparity of sorts. He was 16 when he manifested as a mutant, killed D-Block, and escaped. He was homeless for a "few" years and the pizza shop owner took him in. You have him as being a "teen" at that point, so from 16 to then I'm assuming after a few years he's either 18 or 19. Then he joins the Anti-Mutie Mob for 5 years. This would place him at 24 or 25 when he finally kills them. That means he was 24 or 25 and evaded every form of law enforcement including SHIELD, as well as people like X-Men and X-Factor(even beating the X-Men several times) until he was 29. Because he'd have had to been in SHIELD lockup at that age and for 4 years to be 32 when he finally escaped. I find it incredibly hard to believe he can keep that up for 4 or 5 years against those kinds of odds, especially alone and staying in New York city where practically everyone is while causing major chaos and disruption all the time. Magneto needed a personal army and a hidden power base, as well as himself being one of the most powerful mutants in the world to keep them from apprehending him, just to name an example. And why would the "villain community" be talking about him? Was he a big name aside from being nothing but a seeming anarchist? Was he some sort of crime boss like Omega Red or was he a big name like people in Hellfire? To put it simply after all of that, this app needs a MAJOR overhaul if you want it to get accepted here. As simple as that. Now I know this is a lot and requires a lot to be changed, but the admins are here to help if you need it and will help as much as we can until you get things properly squared away. Until this app is fixed though, I can't accept it. |
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| VECTOR | Mar 1 2014, 09:58 PM Post #6 |
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Sorry, I dont mean to give the impression that im unwilling to work with compromise or fix issues but I had no idea how badly I needed to fix things up with this one. I guess you saw him at a much deadlier capacity than I did and after reading your list of edits I just don't see him as worth keeping. The difficulty in editing him was that I was unsure what to gauge in comparison to other powers, what was too much and if I was selling myself short with. Now with further edits im losing my character concept, I understand well that things need to be kept fair for others on the board but if my concept needs to be watered down that badly I think it would be best to just run with a different character. Thank you for you time, but im scrapping this project now. |
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8:19 AM Jul 11