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| They're Creepy and They're Kooky; -Mel | |
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| Topic Started: Aug 15 2014, 03:30 PM (323 Views) | |
| Strong Guy | Aug 15 2014, 03:30 PM Post #1 |
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-Continued from An Ordinary Case in Mutant Town XF-Investigations building- “This is it,” Guido said as he pulled over to the curb and looked out the window at the stately (if not slightly disheveled building that sat off the curb. The shrubs were overgrown with choking weeds and vines, the grass was inordinately overgrown and there were fallen trees in the front yard, barely visible behind the large and rusted iron gate that surrounded the grounds. “Looks kind of….” He couldn’t think of anything but the word ‘crappy’ so he just clamped his mouth shut and avoided a sidelong glance at Mel. The thing was it honestly didn’t look too bad. It needed a paintjob, a professional gardener, and possibly that Extreme Home Makeover team, but it looked like it had cost a pretty penny back in…whatever age it had been built. It was at least three stories tall, and though the eaves were dark and the windows were a little shadowy there was something picturesque about the place. If Guido were the type of guy to use the word picturesque he might have said so. Instead he just grunted. “So tell me one more time. Gomer is the owner, and he suspects that someone is after his family jewels?” That part made him laugh, but it was only a short and sharp snort of a laugh because there was forever a part of every male that would tie back to Beavis and Butthead in their hearts. But supposedly Mr Adams actually did have some valuables on site and did not trust any security system or holding facility to keep it safer than he could. “And I’m guessin’ they didn’t want to involve the cops because of scandal or because they don’t trust ‘em or some other such thing….” They had heard it all at this point. “Am I missin’ anything?” |
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| Songbird | Aug 16 2014, 05:42 PM Post #2 |
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As the car came to a stop, Songbird nearly pressed her face against the window in order to look out and up at the old mansion before them. Her eyes widened slightly. The house was overgrown and needed a paint job, but it was old and creepy and... “AWESOME!” Melissa exclaimed, finishing Guido's sentence about the house. She took her time looking it over, from the overgrown hedges, waist high grass, the rusted old gate that was covered in vines, and the old house that towered over the security fencing. It looked like a place that would be full of ghosts, but she never really believed in those things. Guido didn't seem quite as thrilled, but Melissa knew this was going to be a great case... I mean, they hand picked it from Jamie's desk. “Yea, Gomer is the owner and inherited a vast family fortune. Apparently this family is in the top ten most wealthy in America, but for whatever reason they choose to live in their old family estate instead of upgrading. Isn't it awesome?” Melissa said, grinning as she looked out the window at the old place. She loved old buildings, especially if they had some history behind them. “But yea... from Jamie's notes, he wouldn't divulge his security precautions, but apparently it is near impossible to get to his treasure room. A freakin' treasure room, Guido. How cool is that? But apparently someone came in, posing as his long lost brother Blister... weird name... but Gomer showed the guy how to get into the treasure room and several million dollars was stolen.” Songbird got out of the car and took a few steps towards the gate, pausing on the sidewalk in order to let Guido catch up to her. As if on queue the rusty old gate began to slowly open, creaking loudly as if it needed a serious dose of WD40. “The catch is that Gomer is still convinced that this guy is Blister, but that he has amnesia or something. So he is hosting a family reunion this evening and we need to question the guests to see if we can confirm that it is his brother or not,” Mel explained as they walked into the gate. One of the vines hanging from the gate seemed to reach out and grab her arm, to which she quickly yanked it away, and she dismissed the notion that it had grabbed her at all. She just got too close, is all. “If it is his brother, then Gomer doesn't want us to move forward with the case... he says Blister can have what he took. But if he isn't, then we need to figure out how much was taken and attempt to recover it,” she finished the summary as they reached the front door. Songbird reached out and touched the doorbell and a loud fog horn noise erupted all over the estate that was so loud that the ground shook and dust rose from the sidewalk. “Jesus Christ is that necessary?” “Yoooooou raaaaaaaang... the doorbell?” a man with a high pitched voice asked. Songbird turned towards the door and saw no one. But then her eyes traveled downwards and she saw a man that could not be more than three feet tall. Seriously, the guy looked like he had primordial dwarfism. And in fact he did have that. The man... boy?... looked to have come from an Indian descent, but he wore work out clothes and his hair was as blonde as it could be. Melissa immediately looked at Guido with an “Oh no” expression. “You must be the investigators that Gomer and Monaeka called for,” the little man said. “My name is Careen and I will be at your service today.” Careen bowed to Guido and Melissa. |
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| Strong Guy | Sep 8 2014, 01:37 PM Post #3 |
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The whole time they walked up toward the house Guido couldn’t help thinking two very specific things. Firstly he was thinking about how all of this seemed very familiar. He couldn’t really put his finger on it, but there was something about this case…something that if he didn’t know better he would have sworn it was straight off the silver screen. The wind whistled hollowly through the trees, but the sound was drowned out by the incessant chatter coming from Mel’s yap box. He nodded, murmured thoughtfully a few times and did his best to try and come off as intrigued but really the second thing he was thinking all the way up to the front door was about how he was going to get her on a caffeine free diet as quickly as possible. Okay he was also thinking about the brother, and the treasure, and also about the strange little creature that scurried past them on the walk and was hiding in the deep shadows of a bush nearby, glaring at them with fiery orange eyes that seemed almost to glow. “Nice knockers,” he said to Mel while pointing over his shoulder at the heavy iron fixtures on the front door with his thumb, but it was to no avail. She didn’t even bother giving him the courtesy of an eye roll before she went straight for the worlds’ most obnoxious doorbell instead. Guido glanced down at the pipsqueak butler and squinted his eyes. “I’ve taken Nixons that were bigger than that,” he whispered to Mel as they were escorted into the mansion. A ‘Nixon’ was polite-language for the unpleasant business one conducts in the solitary confines of a bathroom, especially after an all you can eat binge at an Indian cuisine buffet. He might not have coined that particular jewel, but it was one he had gotten a lot of miles out of over the last several years. And once again he was met with virtually no reaction from Mel. It reminded him of his days in stand-up comedy actually… “That’s us,” Guido said to Careen. The cameraman stepped into the room just as the door swung shut on its own volition. Guido took another long look around the room and over at a large painting of a man, the name Gomez written on a plaque beneath it. He started to look away but then did a double-take when he saw the eyes of the painting blink at him. He looked away and then back at the butler who barely came up to his waist again. The little guy bowed and Guido was struck with an almost irrepressible urge to grab him and dribble him like a basketball. He didn’t know what to do or say so he bowed back, which in turn prompted the little man to bow again, and Guido answered in kind. It wasn’t until he heard the stifled laughter of the camera man that he finally stopped. Just then a door to an inner room flew wide open and emerging out of a thick plume of fog came a robed figure on a Segway. He motored into the room, circled three times around Mel and Guido while sizing them up with a disturbingly stoic sort of glare and then he stopped suddenly and stared them down for nearly twenty intense seconds. Then he broke into the widest of toothy grins and clapped his hands together. “The detectives have arrived!” He said in a very loud voice that echoed all the way up into the cobweb spattered heights of the room. Careen clapped too and howled. Guido didn’t know what to do. So he bowed. |
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| Songbird | Sep 23 2014, 10:55 PM Post #4 |
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“Ew, gross,” Mel replied quietly to Guido, when he decided to tell her that he had taken bigger poops than the butler. She smacked him with the back of her hand in the bicep, but the smirk on her face would tell him that she thought it was a little funny. Someone would have to be immature to really laugh at something like that though. Instead of laughing, she held it in and crossed her arms over her stomach, her eyes moving around the strange entrance area and then into what she supposed was a massive foyer. There was a lot to take in. As Guido and Careen went to bowing to each other, Melissa wandered a few feet away over to a massive fireplace. Despite it not being winter yet, there was a roaring fire with some strange pot bubbling over the top of it. She hadn't seen anything like that before, except on television. It was like a true witch's kettle. Or pot. Or whatever it was called. Mel took a few curious steps towards it before stepping onto the rug that was in front of the fireplace, and she jumped in surprise as the rug moaned in pain. It was a great white bear rug, perhaps a polar bear, and the head of the thing turned towards her and snapped as if it was looking to bite the shit out of her. “Holy shi-” Mel exclaimed, backpedaling until she ran into Guido, who was in the middle of yet another bow. The force of his butt being pushed outwards as he bowed struck her directly in the back, causing her to flop onto the floor on all fours. Before she knew it, a segway was motoring it's way around them, and she struggled to get back up to her feet as the man exclaimed that the investigators were here. “Girl, you not gone fine nuttin' on da flow,” a voice came from in front of Melissa. As Melissa looked up, she did not see the man that was on the Segway, she saw a behemoth of a woman sitting on a Rascal scooter, looking at her with what could only be described as attitude. “I was uh... I just tripped,” Mel said, finally getting to her feet again. “Mmmmmmmhmmmm,” the BBW said, then pointed a large hand towards the man on the Segway. “That be Gomer. Mah huzzzband. He don't like when da flow get dirty so I suggest you don't be getten' too comfotoble on da floor hear?” “Wha... yea... Yes ma'am,” Mel stammered, glancing back towards Guido and then to the man on the segway. “God damn honey!” the huge man said, disrobing to reveal that he was wearing overalls under the robe. For some reason. He spit a huge wad of brown spit across the room, which masterfully fell directly into a spittoon with a “pah-tink” sound. “Don't be givin' that GOD DAMN girl no trouble you know I don't want to scare of mah guests already!” The big man hopped off of the segway and walked across the room, overly large and hairy hobbit feet padding along on the hardwood floor until they came up next to the scooter than his massive beloved was placed upon. He leaned into her with a grin, revealing that he was missing several teeth and the ones that he had were yellow stained. There was also a giant lump in his bottom lip, due to the massive dip of snuff that he held there. Also, it looked as if he was wearing a sweater under the overalls because he was hairy as hell. “You know I love it when you get an attitude don't ya honey?” Gomer asked, grabbing one of the ham hocks that Monaeka called an arm and placing several slobbery kisses up and down it until he got to her neck. He then buried his face into the neck rolls there, making what sounded like pig noises as he tickled her with his... face. Monaeka stared at Guido and Melissa the entire time, not showing any sign of enjoyment of the treatment, yet she did not push him away either. “So uh... yea,” Melissa said, glancing up to Guido. “We were just uh.. scouting the place out... we'll send another couple of investigators to do the actual...uh.. investigation. So we'll just see ourselves out.” “NONSENSE!” a loud voice came from the top of the stairs. Melissa glanced up towards it and then lowered her head. It was Hugh Heffler, with Bingo clinging to his leg. “These two are the best investigators that money can buy!” Hugh exclaimed, then hopped on the railing and slid down to the bottom. Bingo somehow held on the whole time, and the duo came landed next to them. Bingo immediately jumped from Hugh's leg to Melissa's. Melissa didn't even try to put up a fight. She just stood there, defeated. |
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| Strong Guy | Sep 25 2014, 11:58 AM Post #5 |
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“Whoop!” Guido turned around and saw Mel poised on all fours on the ground behind him. A firm believer that there was a time and a place for everything, he was going to let it slide even if it wasn’t the most professional of moves…but that was when the strangest husband and wife that ever was stepped into the room. The ‘lady’ of the house was visibly upset about Mel defiling her floor. A dumbfounded expression settled into permanence on Guido’s face as the husband arrived on the Segway, applauded his bride for her attitude and then proceeded to make the most obscene noises imaginable while his face was buried in the folds of her neck. “I think I’m gonna hurl,” Guido said out of the corner of his mouth as Mel explained that they were the ‘investigator investigators’. They took a step in tandem toward the front door and that was when…right on cue…a familiar voice boomed to their right. Guido wasn’t sure if he thought it or said it aloud, but the only thing going through his brain at that moment was ‘Aw hell nah…’ How could this happen? Shock turned to dismay turned to genuine anger and despite himself he rounded on Mel accusingly. He jabbed a finger at her accusingly while Bingo worked himself into position on her leg and then started bouncing a little with a weird smile on his crooked face. “This is your fault! Of all tha cases we coulda picked, this was the one you grabbed?” He still wasn’t convinced that she wasn’t working for Ashton Kutcher. If that dude stepped out from beneath a trap door and said Guido was punk’d he was gonna launch him into orbit. He had a few other choice words to say but he was interrupted by the sound of a horn that was so loud that it made the chandelier overhead jingle, sending down a fine mist of dust all over them. It was Careen, and he had a ram’s horn in his hand, which he blew into a second time while Heffler, Gomer and Monaeka all smiled impassively, and Bingo bounced faster. Careen brought it to his lips a third time but Guido snatched it out of his hands and threw it across the room. “A’ight folks, let’s get this case on the road.” He smacked Monaeka on the ass and then rubbed his hands together as he hopped onto his Segway. “Follow me!” And with that he started off, Careen hopping onto the upright vehicle behind him and casting a pissed off look at Guido as he pulled another Ram’s horn out and began to blew into it as they made their way to the other side of the house. The décor never got any merrier. Among the artifacts that adorned the hallways were suits of armor, rusty guillotines, and tapestries with lewd imagery on them (one of them had a man with a tiny face peeking out of his trouser zipper). There windows were either broken out or made of stained glass, but the imagery was of war and bloodshed. One hallway they went down had a series of locked doors, and behind each one there were people howling or laughing or crying out in agony. It became too much after a good ten minutes of travel and Guido reached out and snatched Gomer off of his Segway. He held him up to his face with an unhappy expression. “Enough. Where the hell are we goin’?” That was when the wall next to him split and slowly slid apart. |
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| Songbird | Oct 19 2014, 03:56 PM Post #6 |
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Melissa's defeated posture turned to one of anger as Guido looked at her accusingly and her brow narrowed as he said it was her fault. At the moment, her leg was being “bounced on” by Bingo and quite frankly, she didn't want to hear what Guido was saying. She shook her leg hard for a moment, only seeming to making Bingo enjoy it, and then she paused in order to bend over to look the little guy in the eyes. “Get the hell off of me you little shit,” Melissa whispered to him harshly, her mouth staying open slightly in order to expel a high pitched frequency into the little man's ear. This caused Bingo to release her immediately and then he turned and vomited. While Careen blew the horn, Hugh cried in dismay as he saw his little lover getting sick. Monaeka and Gomer didn't seem to pay it any attention though, as they seemed like they were focused on showing Guido and Melissa around. As Songbird and Guido followed the couple out of the room, the sounds of Bingo puking and Hugh trying to clean it up were left behind. “Don't you put this on me,” Melissa said, catching up to Guido and coming up beside him. She quickly threw an elbow right into his rib, her whole body jerking with momentum as she put all she had behind it. If she was lucky, he would at least notice it. “That's not fair. You know I wouldn't put us in this situation intentionally... it was Jamie,” she said with a nod, looking up at Guido as if she knew it to be true. “He must have anticipated this and made all the files the same, or something.” It was around then that the walls began to slide apart and Gomer's path was revealed to them. Though the house seemed like a museum, the room beyond the parting walls seemed to be made of a slick metal. It was very clean looking, very much like the basement of the X-mansion (not that she has seen it). To be honest, she was amazed that something like this was contained within a strange looking mansion like this. “Now listen fellers,” Gomer said, pausing to let a scanning device run a red light over his eyes. “Not quite sure how this happened, but we are missing a substantial part of our family fortune.” ”Welcome Gomer,” a computerized female voice said. The next door opened in a futuristic fashion, opening to reveal a large room with a wooden table in the middle of it. A large set of scales was sitting in the middle of the table along with a considerable amount of gold coins. A young man, who looked to be in his twenties, was standing by the table writing on a clipboard and he looked up with a smile as everyone entered. “Hey dad,” the young man said, his eyes moving over everyone and pausing on Melissa. The young man looked amazingly normal. He looked physically fit, he was wearing normal clothes, and from what Melissa could tell, he had a few tattoos and piercings going on. Also, he was actually attractive. Sooooomething had to be weird about him. “Don't mind him,” Gomer said, hardly giving the young guy a look. “That's just my son.” Monaeka grunted and shook her head as her rascal came to a stop next to the table. She gave Jeb a look and then kept driving, the rascal groaning to try to get forward momentum again. “Had him before I ever met Monaeka,” Gomer said quietly to Guido and Melissa. “She is still a bit sore about it, but I was just a boy myself when I made that mistake.” Curious, Melissa made her way over to the table of gold as Gomer began to explain to Guido how a sizeable portion of their money had been taken. She approached Jeb from the other side of the table and gave him a smile as she approached, which he returned before looking back down to the gold coins. “You seem a little out of place here,” Melissa said, glancing over as Careen strolled into the vault. “Yea, I feel that way most of the time,” Jeb replied. Up close, he was a handsome young man. Maybe a year or two younger than Melissa. He had brown hair like his father, but other than that he seemed like the exact opposite of anyone else in this crazy place. “You're still here?” “Oh yea. Well, my boss might get mad if we left. And also, I'm starting to get used to these people. It isn't the first time I have worked with Bingo and Hugh,” Songbird replied, picking up a golden coin and looking at it for a second. “Ah, uncle Bingo and uncle Hugh,” Jeb said with a smirk, shaking his head. “You haven't met her yet though. Have you?” “Her?” Mel asked. “Ca-,” Jeb started, then paused as a few coins shook off of the scale. The rattle occurred again, and everyone in the room went silent for a moment. Monaeka was the only one who responded, a large smile coming to her face as she felt the vibrations of her daughter coming. She shifted in her rascal as much as she could, turning so that she could look at the open door of the vault. Bingo sprinted by the open door, screaming at the top of his lungs as he fled in terror from whatever was coming. Jeb backed away from the table, moving until his back pressed against the far wall. Melissa glanced over at Guido with a “what the hell is happening” look on her face. Then, from around the corner, a very large little girl rounded the corner at full waddle. She had long blonde hair, which was possibly a wig; tons of makeup, as if she were preparing herself for a pageant; a pink dress that looked as if it were custom made for a princess and sparkly shoes that were almost blinding. In one hand she held a two liter of Mountain Dew and in the other she held the remains of a large Snickers, with some of the chocolate smeared all over her face. “I'M CARAMEL BOO BOO!” the child bellowed, suddenly moving forward with astonishing speed and jumping right into Melissa's arms. This caused her to fall backwards onto the table, breaking through it as if it were made of paper. The large girl ended up sitting on Mel's stomach, who was unable to make a sound because the wind was knocked out of her. “WHO ARE YOU?!” “Now honey, that is one of our special guests that we invited over,” Gomer said, raising both hands up towards Caramel Boo Boo as if he were afraid to approach her. “I'll make you pretty!” Boo exclaimed. “CHILD!” Monaeka exclaimed. “Get off dat girl!” |
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| Strong Guy | Oct 24 2014, 02:01 PM Post #7 |
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The more Guido thought about it the more sense that started to make. He balled his hands up into fists at the thought of Madrox pulling a con on them like that, but why wouldn’t he have a half dozen folders on his desk all with the same case in it? “When we get back I’ll hold him and you keep punchin’ him till no more dupes come out.” Yet somehow that didn’t slake his thirst for vengeance. “Then we give all of em atomic wedgies.” There we go. In the next room they started to get into the nuts and bolts of the case, the missing fortune…the…gold??? Who the heck keeps gold coins sitting around in their house? Who is he, Ebenezer Scrooge?? And he kept half his attention on the details of the case while Melissa walked over to ‘investigate’ the muscular, tanned and ‘good-looking’ young man in the corner. It didn’t escape his notice that she kept checking out his tattoos, and he didn’t miss how she kept tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. If she giggled he was gonna say something. Gomer kept going on about how the room was secure and only a handful of the most trusted of individuals had access to it, and something about a family curse and the devourer, and something about the end of all things. He wasn’t really paying attention, but at the end he turned to Gomer in mid-rant and nodded. “Hangin’ onto every word,” he said. “Gimme a list of everyone who has access to this room.” His eyes narrowed just a little as he thought. “That would be myself of course, Monaeka, Jeb, Careen, and Car-“ A boisterous shout interrupted Gomer, finishing his sentence for him with a “ARAMEL BOO BOO!” Guido might have been just as astonished by the bum-rush approach of the young child as Mel was, though likely not since soon enough Mel was holding the girl in her arms. It was as if it were in slow motion, watching her eyes bug out and seeing her take a few oafish steps backward into a table that collapsed under her weight and sent her crashing to the floor with a breath-taking ‘ooof’. Guido had his hand out as if he’d at least thought about trying to help her, and now he had a pained sort of expression on his face as he made brief eye contact which he hoped conveyed the ‘Whoops, my bad’ feelings that were on his heart. There was this awkward moment where Gomer almost looked proud of her, but soon enough Monaeka came paddling over and tried to yank the child off of Melissa. “NOOOO I AIN’T DONE. SHE NEED SO MUCH HELP GETTING PRETTY!” She thrashed about on top of Melissa while Monaeka tried pulling her off. In the end she grabbed a fistful of Melissa’s shirt which tore right off when Monaeka gave her disobedient child one mighty final pull. Monaeka marched straight out of the room with Caramel Boo Boo wailing and shrieking and waving Melissa’s shirt around in a tantrum. And then it was deathly silent. Guido looked back at Gomer who still had that proud smile on his face. He shook his head. “Kids’ got the devil in her. Tried gettin’ her exorcised a time or three, but ain’t nothin’ takin’. And lately we can’t get a priest to come out her for hell or high water.” Jeb unbuttoned his shirt and after helping Mel to her feet he put it around her shoulders to cover her up. Yeah, it definitely looked like he worked out. Looked like Mel noticed too. Guido rolled his eyes and looked back at Gomer. “Noticed there are no cameras in here. When do you notice the money goes missing?” Gomer didn’t hesitate this time. “Every night at midnight.” That would have been a perfect time for someone to say ‘DUN DUN DUNNN’. |
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8:54 AM Jul 11