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| I'm Not Great At The "Feelings" Thing; Spitfire | |
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| Topic Started: Sep 26 2014, 08:39 PM (336 Views) | |
| Black Widow | Sep 26 2014, 08:39 PM Post #1 |
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April 9 4:45pm Helicarrier Gym _____________________ Natasha stepped through the doorway, surveying the gym with the practiced eye of a hunter tracking her prey. With a half eaten doughnut in one hand, and a box full of eclairs from Dominique Ansel's Bakery safely tucked in her other, Natalia strode across the open space toward a particularly small blonde. What was she going to say to her? 'I've been looking all over for you?' Despite it being the truth, somehow it seemed weird to explain that she'd chased Jac down after finding out that she wasn't at the Flatiron. And she didn't want to have to explain the uncomfortable moment she had to endure with Shepard. That seemed to be something that might derail the conversation she wanted to have with Falsworth. Nat hadn't want to ask James where his partner, wife, friend, jeez their relationship was complicated, had been. So she had to ask around. When she found out Jac was on the helicarrier, well, she grabbed a box of pastries and hurried up. Most of the speedsters she knew seemed to have a healthy appetite, so maybe Jac was no different. The "I'm Sorry I Stole Your Sort-of Husband" eclairs had smelled about as delicious as they looked, which had convinced her to buy one of her own as well, and she had been enjoying it when she arrived to the carrier, much to the chauvinistic disgust of a particularly stupid rookie agent. Which was ok, Natasha didn't need everyone to like her. Still, Agent Meyers was definitely going to get a training class with the Black Widow very soon. Oh yes, very soon indeed. "Jac, or um, Agent Falsworth? Whichever you prefer, really." They hadn't had time to establish such basic niceties, you know, amidst breaking a brainwashing and felling a decades old soviet spy project. "I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment?" She wasn't here to bring up the Greenville fiasco yet again, as surely others had already done numerous times. Natalia had to reiterate her account of the missions to no less than four people so far. No, she was going to talk about what Jac was going to do here in a couple of days. The SHIELD psychics were no fun, no matter how how good a day to were having or how strong your mind is. "I heard you were there when James had to go in, so you're no stranger to what goes on in that room. I just wanted you to know that, despite our initial meeting, I'm here for you if you'd like it. That room doesn't have to be as bad as it always feels like." |
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| Spitfire | Sep 27 2014, 11:13 PM Post #2 |
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Spitfire wasn’t entirely sure if she was supposed to be just wandering around yet, although she was on the Helicarrier, and working out probably didn’t count as ‘just wandering’ at any rate. But she was still being signed off things and checked out and on some kind of psychological evaluation and had agreed to go down to Psi Corps. That, she wasn’t looking forward to. The blonde had been back to the Flatiron, at first because that was technically where she called home, but it soon turned into a brief pit stop to pick up some things. Not that she had many things. It felt strange and unfamiliar and not her place any more. While there, she had left Bucky a note telling him when she was going. Honestly, the speedster wasn’t sure why she had done that. They were both probably better off moving on without each other. Hell, Jac had even tried to tell Fury that, but he had almost instantly hit down any talk of her resigning from her current position. According to him, if she finished off therapy and still felt like that he would hear her out, but until then she was acting purely on defensive reflex. Or something. The gym was pretty quiet, or maybe that was just her current effect on people. Lying back, the former Acolyte was giving her legs a good workout so she didn’t have to think too much. Having the power of superspeed had a number of physical aspects to it and one of those was a small degree of super strength in her legs. Nothing on Pietro’s level or even Tommy’s, but enough. The equipment in the gym worked on a sliding scale of ‘normal to Hulk’. Currently she was somewhere in the middle of the scale and had just started to get into a sort of rhythm, when she heard the voice. Sitting up, she swung her legs down from the bar and looked at Natalia for a moment, then shrugged her shoulders. “Whichever you like. Don’t you think Agent Falsworth sounds really formal though?” Jac was far too familiar too, but hell, if the Black Widow couldn’t settle on it, then she wasn’t going to make an issue of it. Really, Jac wanted to know what the redhead was even doing there in the first place. “I didn’t know my session was public knowledge,” tensing, the blonde got up from the curl bench and picked up a hooded jacket that was draped over her things nearby, pulling it over her skinny frame and zipping it up. Suitably dressed for working out, her sports top kind of flattened her out even more and stood near the redhead… “Look. Thanks and everything, but you don’t have to be nice to me. I’ve moved out of the Flatiron so it’s not like you’re…” Pulling a face, Spitfire wasn’t even sure what she was trying to say. That she didn’t have to worry about her fawning around after Bucky? “It’s okay. No hard feelings, y’know?” |
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| Black Widow | Oct 13 2014, 08:22 PM Post #3 |
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“Don’t you think Agent Falsworth sounds really formal though?” "Didn't know if you'd want me to get too familiar, is all. Both can make it awkward, I guess. And your session isn't public knowledge. I just made it a point to look into everyone involved in the Greenville fiasco. Especially you and James since I'm part of the problem.” Natasha wasn't here to insult Jac by beating around the bush. The girl had been through brainwashing, and that was bad enough, but Natalia had probably issued the least desirable bit of cognitive recalibration ever. A hard reset by systematically destroying what had been programmed into her mind. That wasn't good for anyone, and she felt a small degree of responsibility for Jac having to go see the creepy telepaths. “Look. Thanks and everything... No hard feelings, y’know?” Nat smiled a bit, a small, sad smile, and nodded her head. She sat on the bench close to Jac and offered her the box of eclairs. "I was actually coming in already hoping you weren't upset at me. I guess I was trying to be optimistic like that... I just wanted you to know that I wanted to be here for you. Not because I feel guilty about some things, which I do, but because I wanted to be." She looked over the quiet gym, calmly staring down a couple agents who made the mistake of looking their way until they left in an uncomfortable rush. A smirk crossed her lips that she still could do that even after so long. "I'm not so certain that you moving out was the best thing, Jac. I couldn't tell you if it was the right thing or not, but I think it might not have been the best." Romanova turned to look at the shorter woman, emotions stifled in her eyes. "We can't control how we feel about people. You can't, I can't, and James... The point is that leaving looks like more than it is. Everyone will understand, but deep down someone is going to feel like you're closing a door." "But, your choice is your choice. I'll be happy to support you in it either way. I just wanted you to know you don't have to do that." |
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| Spitfire | Oct 14 2014, 10:36 PM Post #4 |
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Jac smiled, a little uncomfortably. “Well, you could just call me Spitfire then,” she proffered, biting back ‘Or Pretty Blonde Tart’ which was from when they had first met. But that would have been mean and anyway, Jac wasn’t a tart and she certainly wasn’t a pretty one either. This whole situation was starting to make her feel edgy, especially when Natalia claimed to be part of the problem. How was that supposed to be taken? There were several ways it could be read. A small internal voice said that at least the Black Widow wasn’t calling Bucky Dmitry anymore. Shuffling on the bench, she turned her head as the woman sat down and stared at the box. Jac blinked. “I… What? No, thanks,” waving her hand at the box, she turned away again, wondering how cakes were supposed to make it better. “Is this some kind of weird joke? You want to be there for me? Why? And don’t blame Greenville, as I’m getting professional help for that already. And if it was Greenville, you said plenty of shit to me in there, so why play nice now?” Shaking her head, she rubbed the back of her neck and stared at the floor of the gym. Great. This was weird and uncomfortable and… The speedster didn’t want to get angry on Natalia, but when the redhead voiced her perspective on the whole moving thing, Jac snapped around and punched the bench in a short lived fit of temper. “Excuse me? So, I am supposed to go right back and live with my only two exes - and you know, one of them lives in the Flatiron with his parents - the guy I thought I was married to for a week and oh yeah, my other ex, we just rescued my brother - his best friend - who wouldn’t have been a brainwashed weapon if he hadn’t chased me down and joined the Brotherhood because of me,” her words came out in a pained rush and her shoulders sagged. “I just want some peace and quiet. How is that not the best thing for me? I’m in therapy, so please don’t do the whole running away thing, as I know where my problems are and I am working through them.” Well, slowly yes, but she was seeing Samson and talking about things more openly. In the past at their sessions, she had been incredibly selective. But she was getting better. Jac felt a little guilty, she figured that Natalia was only trying to be nice, but she didn’t understand why. She also didn’t need reminding of how tall, gorgeous and sophisticated this other woman was. Feeling like an awkward little hobbit beside her, she pulled her sleeves right down over her hands. Much of what she wanted to say came back to the same person, but she couldn’t do it. It wasn’t his fault, and it wasn’t Nat’s fault. It hurt all the same. “Sorry. But you won’t change my mind. Me leaving looks like exactly what it is. I can’t pretend otherwise. You don't need me in the way.” |
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| Black Widow | Oct 29 2014, 04:21 PM Post #5 |
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"Spitfire it is, then." Natasha said, smiling a bit. Jac waved away the offered pastries and Nat nodded, setting them on the bench between them. She listened as Jac broke down what she had said, and calmly formed an answer to the questions the shorter woman produced. “Yes, I want to be there for you. You're a friend of Bucky's, and you did have to deal with me being less than graceful in Greenville. I said a lot of hurtful things. Did a few mean things as well. And while at the time it was a means to an end, a way to pull you out of the situation you were in, it didn't mean that you deserved it. I just wanted to start over between us." Fantastic. This was as weird and uncomfortable as she'd expected this to be. She wanted to be wrong, though, because this was supposed to make everything better, not more complicated. And then Jac was getting angry at Nat's opinion on her leaving. She punched the bench, and started in in the redhead. “...I am supposed to go right back and live with my only two exes... the guy I thought I was married to for a week... we just rescued my brother... if he hadn’t chased me... because of me...” The girl had a valid point. Many, in fact. And it was a point that Natasha hadn't taken into account before she'd come to the conclusion that Jac leaving wasn't going to help anyone. She wanted to say something. Something to make this all get solved in one sentence, but despite how often she acted like she knew everything, or how she pretended that everything came easily for her, she was at a loss for words this time. “I just want some peace and quiet... Sorry. But you won’t change my mind. Me leaving looks like exactly what it is. I can’t pretend otherwise. You don't need me in the way.” "Spitfire," she began, a hint of nervous laughter in her words, "I'm not going to lie, you suffer from a more complicated love life than I've ever dealt with. And you're right, you've got more reading to move out than anyone has for you to stay. But you've got one thing wrong. You're not in my way." Quickly enough, she recognized the chance of taking that the wrong way, so she moved on. "You were Bucky's friend for quite some time before we came back into each other's lives. You are important to him. Hell, without you he'd still be Dmitry. Or dead. You're important to him. Which makes you important to me. A relationship can't be just about the two people in it. It doesn't work like that. He needs his friends. I don want you to think I don't want you around him. Without you around, he wouldn't have ever been him again." Natalia paused, looking around the gym and realizing that her sappiness had risen to untold levels. With a cough and another odd laugh, she looked at the Brit. "I, well, I'm not usually this open about things. I'm not to good at the whole 'feelings' thing. This was just something important that needed saying, I guess." |
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| Spitfire | Oct 29 2014, 11:08 PM Post #6 |
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It was a means to an end? Jac couldn’t help but roll her eyes at that. So she was supposed to be thankful for the side order of spite that she had gotten while being dragged out of mental conditioning? Because that had clearly been a resounding success. “And I just want to be left alone so I can come to terms with things. One moment you’re calling me a tart and the next moment you’re bringing me cakes? How the hell would you feel.” Complicated love life? It was less of a life and more of a complicated calendar month compared to other people. Opening and closing her mouth as Nat assured her that she was not in the way, even though the redhead went on to explain it still felt as if she had been slapped and the little speedster turned away from her, arms folded over her chest, shoulders hunched up. “Look. It’s lovely and all that you two have found each other again and all of that, so I’m meant to just forget all my feelings, roll over and let you braid my hair and go to the mall with you? I don’t do the whole girl thing very well for one thing,” she turned her head very slightly to look back at the Russian. Maybe she was being overly harsh towards her, but she didn’t blame her entirely either. Jac was angry, but it wasn’t really Natalia’s fault. Mostly she was angry that the other woman didn’t seem to understand...and Jac knew that Bucky didn’t understand either, and he hadn’t since the night he had told her all about the Black Widow. While it was harder to deal with what was there, there was some hurt reserved for him too. “I really don’t do the girl thing well. I’ve always been small and skinny and too pale with a pointy nose. I’ve never been graceful or sophisticated. I’m quick and I’m pretty accurate when I need to be, but that’s not the same,” back in Greenville, she had tried to explain before about how she paled in comparison to her, so she stopped there, doubting that Natalia had a bad memory, even about that sort of thing. “And I’m not trying to fish for compliments or make you feel sorry for me, really I'm not. But I’m not some cute little kid to coddle either, because I believe in reaching people to try and help them. I’ve always put my heart and soul on the line and it’s almost gotten me killed before.” Rubbing her forehead, she wanted to back to her cabin and hide. “Really, I appreciate you making an effort to come and see me and everything and I appreciate you being open with me and being nice...But honest to god, put yourself in my shoes just for a second. It’s only been a couple of days since I was in that place and I’ve had to come to terms with a lot and now you want to be my friend because of James? Why can't you want to be my friend because of me? Anyway, I’m nowhere near ready to be your friend, especially when you are everything I’m not nor ever will be to the person I…” Jac cut herself off and pulled her hood up, fidgeting from one foot to the other. That was something that she was currently trying to work out in therapy, as her head had gotten in a mess. “You should go give the eclairs to James. He prefers cookies though. Or cakes with strawberry jam,” pulling some fingerless gloves out of her pocket, Spitfire tugged them on and blurred over to a punching bag and began smacking her fists into it without another word. |
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| Black Widow | Dec 9 2014, 10:11 PM Post #7 |
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“And I just want to be left alone... How the hell would you feel.” "I didn't meant to come off so strong. I really didn't." What the hell happened? Seriously, Natasha, you were coming up here to make things between you and her better. that was the entire point. You're supposed to be good at assessing people's moods and how they'll react to things. Yet somehow you've managed to widen the gap between the two of you even further. “I really don’t do the girl thing well... I’m not trying to fish for compliments... I appreciate you making an effort to come and see me and everything... Anyway, I’m nowhere near ready to be your friend..." What could she say? Natasha stood there, taking everything Jac had to say, as if she were a soldier being reprimanded by an officer. Partial shame and partial anger mixed together with the ever present futility that comes with knowing there's really nothing for you to say in this situation, and all of this feuded with Natasha's usually perfect mask of impartiality. Generally, she was able to write of most of what people said in disagreement or disappointment with her as irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. But this time Jac was saying things that were not only true, but personal. And that she was saying them at all really was Natalia's fault because she couldn't wait to, what? To prove that she could systematically break someone down, no matter the motive, and then turn them into an ally and even a friend mere days later? To show how good she was at what she did? No matter what she wanted to tell herself, Nat relented within to the fact that this was about her. Maybe she did want to try and make it up to the smaller woman in front of her, but trying to do it so soon had been for her own ego than for their mutual benefit. "Spitfire, I..." She let the sentence she wanted to say fall away. It wasn't going to make the moment better in any way. No sense in continuing to speak. “You should go give the eclairs to James. He prefers cookies though. Or cakes with strawberry jam.” Natasha glanced briefly at the box, and turned back to the speedster to see her tug on some gloves and rocket away to a punching bag. Wordlessly the Brit began to attack the bag, and Natasha could tell that the conversation would be best served to end right there. Without even reaching for the pastries, Natasha strode out of the room, making her way out. Her phone was in her hand, thumb rapidly clicking in a text to James, asking him if he was busy or if he had time for herto come over. Before long she was back on the ground, careening along the roads in frustration. "God damn it, Natasha. For all your posturing, you really do know how to make a mess." |
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6:56 PM Jul 11