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Zombamas: Rise of the Living Democrats
Topic Started: Jan 4 2014, 10:19 AM (171 Views)
FirestormPosted Image
Second Dubs
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2 May, 2011- The raid on bin Laden's compound is an unmitigated disaster, with pro-bin Laden forces (including members of the Pakistani police and military) waiting for the Special Forces Team. Three helicopters are shot down and thirty US soldiers die.

A large number of Pakistani soldiers en route to the compound also die in an "accidental" US airstrike... but no one cares, not even the Pakistani government who honestly didn't know which side the soldiers would have taken had they made it to the fighting.

Bin Laden himself is not recovered. US officials claim that he died in an airstrike while running away. Al Queda waits about a year and a half before saying that, yes, he really did die a martyr's death standing up against the Imperialist Zionist Crusaders. Decades later, it'll be revealed that both sides were lying and he had actually died in 2010 in Texas. From AIDS.

The turn of events embarrasses the Government of Pakistan even more than in OTL. Whereas the inglorious death of Bin Laden could have at least been seen as a victory in the War on Terror, an everyone-loses debacle just shows that they have absolutely no control over what America does in their country, what Al Queda does in their country, what their police or military does in their country, or really much of anything.

American actions constitute a pretty blatant Act of War and there's some talk of Pakistan taking their problems to the United Nations. Obama speaks to Yousaf Raza Gilani and, off the record, points out just how many drone strikes he could authorize in the time it would take to compose an e-mail complaining about it. So they do the usual Pakistani thing and take it out on native Christians instead.

10 August, 2011- hoping to prevent another fiasco like the raid on Osama's compound, DARPA scientists begin working overtime and their research leads to the first functional lightsaber. Unfortunately for them, plans for the weapon are leaked and it quickly becomes a relatively common fixture among elite commando teams around the world. Among the less elite, many limbs are lost.

1 September, 2012- As election day draws near, the Obama Administration must deal with numerous disappointments at home and abroad. There's been no recovery, Syria is still a warzone, Lebanon now is too, and the new governments in Egypt and Lybia seem very unlikely to become friends of America. Carter comparisons are not uncommon.

The state of the economy is beyond human control, but no elected politician would ever say that. Internationally, Obama has actually done quite a bit to keep the lid on Muslim extremism, but not things an elected politician can brag about (pointing out to certain troublesome leaders that the world's Hajjis would be in all kinds of trouble if a few vials of CDC biowaste were to accidentally be misplaced at an airport near Mecca).

In any event, Obama takes a short break from the campaign trail to visit with his family. While in the country, Malik Obama introduces him to a friend from home whom he claims can help him easily win this election, and every other election he might ever be in. In desperation, Obama accepts the help.

4 September, 2012- at the Democratic National Convention, Obama delivers a series of seemingly-inauspicious speeches that galvanize his supporters. Outside, several protestors who are opposed to the president are attacked and badly beaten by pro-Obama mobs.

6 September, 2012- a Tea Party event is disrupted by a flash mob with several arrests, injuries and even deaths on both sides. While most identified members of the mob were left-leaning and had criminal records (campus commies, ghetto thugs, et. al.), a surprising number showed no previous signs of being politically or criminally active in any serious manner (hipsters).

Obama's showing in the polls has been edging up noticeably, with no convincing reasons as to why.

15 September, 2012- While most major media sources downplay or deny the rise in partisan violence, some have started to take notice. Bill O'Reilly coins the term "Zombamas" to describe members of the flash mobs that attack Republicans across the country in the aftermath of almost every Obama speech. Glenn Beck starts a series on his radio program called "The New Terrorism", during which much pitiful screaming and crying occurs.

The next day, Bill O'Reilly slips outside the News Corp building and hits the back of his skull on a hatchet. Glenn Beck dies a few days later when his radio station is destroyed in an industrial accident. Such fates will befall many who speak ill of Obama or his supporters.

16 September, 2012- more teabagger vs occupussy battles rage across the country. Rightists have been taking up arms against their political enemies despite pleas from Romney and other more moderate handlers not to.

Unfortunately for them, the Zombamas are surprisingly well-armed, often equipped with weapons that might be traced to gun stores along the Mexican border that were once frequented by ATF agents. What they lack in experience with their new-found weapons is made up for by numbers, surprise, a willingness to sacrifice themselves in human-wave attacks, and a surprising resistance to the pain and trauma of gunshot wounds. Consensus at the time is that the Zombamas are making use of PCP or other mind-altering drugs. It is known that they are not really re-animated corpses, just fanatical, violent, and psychotic humans.[1]

October 3, 2012- while millions of Americans go quietly nuts, the presidential debates proceed apace. Having already been nearly eaten on previous occasions, Romney and Ryan are forced to appear by video from undisclosed locations. The actual debate content really doesn't change much in this divergence, being as they were practically scripted.

The reaction, however, is very different. Some major US cities are entirely depopulated of conservatives and pro-Obama mobs are swarming into the suburbs.

Some of the more powerful Zombamas have become capable of psionic attacks, inflicting enemies in their vicinity with pain, hallucinations, delirium, psychosis and organ failure. It is estimated that some 65% of the US population has been killed or Zombamafied by the end of the month.

November 2, 2012- resistance begins to coalesce in the South and Rocky Mountain states. Plans have been distributed for making lightsabers from common household items, as these have shown to be quite effective against the berserking enemies.

Mitt Romney tries to get a central command going in Salt Lake City, whereas Paul Ryan has escaped to the Vatican to gain international support for their cause. Some reports indicate that Jesuit recon teams are already at work in in the battle against the obviously-demonic Zombamas.

November 3, 2012- some Japanese corporations begin deploying ninjas to protect their assets in America. These are armed with a special variant of lightsaber that produces no humming sound and gives off light in a spectrum not visible to human eyes. (A weapon with a cutting edge that you can't see, and you have no easy way of telling whether or not it's activated before trying to sheath it. Is that dangerous? Not if you're a ninja!)

November 5, 2012- In a joint session of what's left of the US congress, Obama declares that, assuming of course he receives a fair re-election, he'll lead America to a new era of peace and prosperity. He also condemns the rebel terrorists that threaten the electoral process and vows that he and his constituents will use every power at their disposal to ensure that they are eliminated. Some commentators note a change in the way the president presents himself; he seems to have adopted the dress and mannerisms of the traditional holistic healers in his parents' homeland (meaning his dad's homeland, though if they had any witch doctors in Kansas I'm sure he'd seek to emulate them as well).

November 6, 2012- Obama receives 465% of the vote and a nomination for another Nobel Peace Prize.

November 11, 2012- with America going insane, no one really cares when Jean-Bertrand Aristide returns to Haiti with his own personal army. He offers to place a hex on Obama's underwear to help him administer the country, as he did with Clinton, but Obama declines. However, Aristide does have other powers that the president might find more useful.

November 15, 2012- Stephanie Meyer announces that vampires are real, that she is their leader, and the covens will be throwing their support behind rebel forces in America (specifically the Mormons and other Western rebel groups; they're still a bit averse to dealing too directly with the Jesuits and Texans are just too loud for their liking). No, they don't sparkle.

November 17, 2012- Aristide sends an Expeditionary Force to the American South to help protect what few Black Americans remain there. His army makes extensive use of comotose, drugged and brainwashed humans who show incredible endurance and loyalty at the expense (usually) of mental and physical dexterity (still not as bad as Romero-style shamblers: think "joggers" to his "walkers" and Obama's "runners"). Individually, these Zombies preform even worse in combat than the Zombamas: giving them anything besides a sawed-off shotgun is pretty much a waste of ammo.

However, Aristide has the advantage of being able to create more Zombies through use of TTX, whereas Obama can only Zombamafy those who already like or are indifferent to him, of which there are not many left.

November 19, 2012- out of a similar concern for Hispanics in the American Southwest, Mexican forces throw their weight behind Obama and invade Texas with the aid of Mayan necromancers and an army of reanimated corpses. These are popularly referred to as Calacas; not actual walking skeletons, but they are the first breed of walking dead to actually be dead. They're generally slow, dumb, and tend to fall apart within a few weeks or even days of undying, but they do have the advantage that most any corpse within hailing distance of a necromancer can be turned into one.

There is some talk of taking a Zombama, turning it into a Zombie, and then killing it and making a Calacas. Theoretically possible, but discarded on the grounds of being far too silly.

November 25, 2012- Obama and his allies are wearing down the beleaguered resistance, who now can only receive supplies through deep mine shafts and conduits through the Hollow Earth. They launch a massive attack on all fronts, steadily pushing the defenders back into mountain refuges in the Appalachians, Ozarks and Rockies.

December 1, 2012- the Arab-Israeli conflict has come to a halt as both sides are too confused to continue. There is conflict in Israel, however, between Haredim separatists on one side and secularists and the government on the other. The IDF and Shinui militias probably should have crushed them easily, but are having unexpected problems in the face of attacks by golems.

December 7, 2012- Che Guevara rises from the dead and declares his support for Obama, leading South American and African communists against conservative elements in their countries. Several other dead communists also rise from the grave, and these "Zomrades" generally follow the John Russo format (dead, intelligent, hard to kill and powerful).[2]

December 8, 2012- Zomrade Mao and Zomrade Xiaoping kill each other. So does Stalin and Khrushchev.

December 21, 2012- an extraterrestrial scout ship arrives in the Sol System and, seeing how busy we are, decides to come back at a later date.

January 20, 2013- last major battle of the Election War ends with Barack Obama personally leading a jetpack cavalry attack against Helena, Montana, last bastion of the resistance. Mitt Romney is struck down in a lightsaber duel above the City Hall, and Obama's rule over America (the whole continent) is more or less irrefutable, even though some scattered resistance will continue in the hinterlands for years to come. Over 45% of Americans are dead, and an equal number are in varying states of undeath.

Later that day, Obama attends his swearing in ceremony and speaks before the United Nations, announcing himself as the President of Earth. Some people don't like this, but only the Chinese, Russians, Arabs, and their proxies complain. Che declares that they will be dealt with in short order.

January 29, 2013- Che and his fellow Zomrades are forced to postpone their invasion plans when it is discovered that Stephenie Myers and the last of the vampires are attempting to resurrect the corpse of Ronald Reagan. Arriving in Simi Valley, California, the Zomrades plus Aristide (they needed someone skilled in necromancy, just in case) find themselves ambushed by an unlikely alliance of the Meyers and the last vampires, and Paul Ryan and a team of elite Jesuit Knights. Worst of all, Reagan has awakened. He declares that he is in fact the Archangel Michael come to unmask the Zomrades as demons in fleshly form. The Zomrades/demons declare that the flesh is their realm and that he and his allies shall be driven from it.

Febuary 5, 2013- The battle ends with the Simi Valley as a giant fjord dug straight out to the sea. In fact, most of the San Fernando Valley is now underwater.

Febuary 6, 2013- In retaliation for the destruction of California, Obama launches an assault on the Vatican. He takes the city by surprise by traveling through the Hollow Earth, boring right into the Pope's bedroom and killing him in a lightsaber duel that destroys most of the city. World War III has begun.

December 31, 2032- “So,” Vladamir Putin said jovially “You took out all of my men. However, you aren’t going to defeat me.” Putin then jumped down from his platform and down onto the street in front of Obama, pulling a chain gun from the ground nearby. Obama quickly jumped behind a ruined tank, as Vladamir opened fire. The tank made decent cover, but it wasn’t long until it would be torn apart by the hail of bullets. Obama had to act. He dashed out from the side of the tank, and flew as fast as he could toward Putin, who had no time to react. He grabbed the chain gun out of his enemy’s hands, and snapped it over his knee with ease. Putin stumbled backwards, shocked at the turn of events. Putin smirked, then said “It’s come down to this. You and me. Fighting like men. If you admit defeat now, I’ll kill you rather painlessly.” Obama had the definite advantage. Or so it seemed. Putin burst into a laugh, as Obama looked on quizzically. The mustachioed man slowly rose into the air, as his brown hair and pencil moustache turned a blonde color, and his brown eyes turned blue. Obama reeled in horror. Putin continued laughing, then finally said “Obama! You came here expecting to find a madman, but instead, you found a GOD!” Putin had become a Super Saiyan.

January 1, 2033- Twenty years of fighting sees Obama taking control of pretty much all the world, those parts not left uninhabitable in the war. China's deployment of Jiang Shi proves a difficult challenge as does Russia's Yunak corps, but Obama is ultimately triumphant when his scientists develop a means of spreading the Zombama hex by nanites and infecting most of the planet with it. And so begins the Age of Desolation, when death is all that lives upon the Earth.

December 21, 2112- the alien fleet returns to Earth and is ordered to put the Planet of the Undead Obamanations out of its misery. Rocks fall, everyone dies.

December 22, 2112- ...well, not everyone. Before giving the order to fire, the commander of the fleet has a dream where a powerful figure tells him that the dead are consigned to the grave, but those who remain have been set aside from the Desolation and he must not use his weapons against them. So the commander uses only the level of destructive power needed to destroy Obama and his followers, but spares the small number of communities that have somehow been hiding from them, often underneath the mountains, glaciers, and oceans. It'll be decades before the surface of the Earth is again habitable, but humanity shall live on.

1. People like to use these terms interchangeably, and that annoys me. Fanaticm, violence, and psychosis may often correlate, but they may just as easily not: would someone driven by extreme personal beliefs (a fanatical Quaker, maybe) be violent or psychotic? Not necessarily. Is someone who kills another (in combat or self-defense, say) driven by strong ideology or an unhealthy state of mind? Not necessarily. Are people who suffer from mental illnesses more prone to violence or extremism than, say, alcoholics? Absolutely not! At worst, we tend to write really crappy TLs which are intended as satire and should only be taken as such.

2. Notice that NONE of my zombies follow the standard Romero/Brooks format to a tee? I really tried, but no matter how long I stared into the abyss or let it stare back into me, I just couldn't think up a way to make something like that work.
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