| Glenn Beck is a demon. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 4 2014, 10:20 AM (181 Views) | |
Firestorm
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Jan 4 2014, 10:20 AM Post #1 |
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Second Dubs
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17.1.2009- Barrack Obama elected president, with rising levels of violence and hateful rhetoric from conservative elements within the country. Conservative radio and talk-show host Glenn Beck becomes noticeably deranged and erratic in his encouragement of reactionary sentiment. 1.7.2009- Glenn Beck goes completely insane on the air, encouraging his fans to seek out and destroy non-Christians, non-whites, non-heterosexuals and non-Republicans within the United States. "Join me on the Fourth in Salt Lake City and together we shall purify America" shouts Glenn Beck as security drags him from the studio, "Go forth and kill, my minions, GO FORTH AND KILL!!!" 4.7.2009- "Every day is Independence Day until our nation is purified of undesirables!" declares Glenn Beck as his horde of 6 million descend upon Salt Lake City, driving all known liberals from their homes and workplaces and killing most of them. Similar yet smaller massacres occur in Boise and Atlanta. 2.4.7.2009- Beckite Forces begin trekking east from Salt Lake City. Bill O'Reilly and other right-wing pundits give tacit approval of Glen Beck's actions, Keith Olbermann and Al Franken issue a joint statement condemning the Beckites as "inbred Republican Neanderthals, worthy only of confinement or post-natal abortion". Their supporters are called upon to do just that. President Obama orders Federal, State and Local forces to disperse the mob, but finds that many members of the police or military are indifferent or supportive of Beck's Rebellion. 40% of local, state and federal authorities remain loyal to the government, 20% are either marching with Beck or purging their own ranks of liberal undesirables, the rest are either undecided or in captivity by one of the warring factions. Joe Biden suggests reviving the Mormon Extermination Act. Obama tells him that's an uncool thing to say, but several state legislatures seriously consider it. 4.4.7.2009- Keith Olbermann declares himself head of the 3 million strong Olbermite faction, vowing that Glenn Beck shall not pass the banks of the Mississippi River. Pro-Obama teenagers and college students form death squads and start going house-to-house executing known conservatives. 32.4.7.2009- Beckites and Olbermites do battle in the town of Quincy, Illinois. Beck's forces- larger, better morale, much more heavily armed- easily rout their opposition and continue their path of destruction to Chicago. Rather than killing his prisoners outright, many are put to work in the new death camps that are springing up throughout America. 40.4.7.2009- Glenn Beck stuns the world with his capture of Chicago, accomplished with the help of an amphibious invasion from the Great Lakes and airborne assaults in the city parks, airports and other open areas. Organized resistance wavers in the aftermath of the Chicago's capture as most of the military personnel either defect to the Beckites, flee the country or become partisans. 49.4.2009- Beckites come under repeated attack from the Civilian National Security Force, an organization of various armed bands formed by Obama in a desperate bid to stop the enemy advance on Washington. CNSF members become infamous for gunning down soldiers and civilians who flee rather than fight advancing Beckite forces. Individually, the attacks have little effect on Beck's march towards the Capitol, but similar partisan activity will remain a problem for years to come. 41.4.2009- The United Nations and European Union begin openly supporting President Obama, sending military aid despite reports of atrocities on both sides of the civil war, small numbers of troops are deployed in New England and California. 52.4.7.2009- Washington DC is placed under siege, with President Obama personally leading the remnants of his government in a last stand against Beckite forces. The city itself is starting to look a lot like Berlin circa-1945. Every man, woman and child is ordered to fight or be executed for treason. 67.5.7.2009- Washington DC is captured and President Obama is discovered among the dead. Glen Beck declares this day to be the 5th of July. Al-Qaeda and the Taliban make contact with Glenn Beck, asking him to spare the nation's Muslim population in exchange for future assistance in Europe and Asia. He agrees, opting to deport known Muslims rather than executing them. Beckites note that they and the Taliban really ain't so different from themselves anyway. 9.9.2009- The Vatican makes contact with Glenn and offers an alliance in exchange for his return to a normal dating system. He accepts. Riots throughout Europe, Africa and South America between pro-Beck Catholics and Muslims and their opposition. 9.12.2009- Renewed fighting in the Gaza Strip and East Bank. Israel publicly distances itself from the Beck regime. Pope Benedict praises Glen Beck at a special ceremony at the Vatican, calling on all Catholics to rise up in his name. Commentators note that the pope appears somewhat dazed and confused during his speech, slurring badly and referring to Beck as "Mein Furher" on multiple occasions. 9.13.2009- Hugo Chavez and other leftist leaders in Latin America balk at attempts to unify their continent under American hegemony, declaring that "Glenn Beck is a demon, and we never cared much for that old fart in Rome anyway." Russia and China declare neutrality in the coming war, secretly dividing much of the world amongst themselves for the aftermath. Japan, Australia, India, Indonesia and Nigeria also embark on policies that will set themselves apart as major players should America and Europe truly bring each other to their knees. Already much of the third-world is starving and will welcome anyone who can change this, even if it means a return to colonialism. 9.15.2009- Glenn Beck invades Canada and New England, while sending troops to South America to support "legitimate" governments there. The Atlantic Ocean is set ablaze by numerous indecisive battles. Turkish troops and Mujahideen volunteers begin attacking Greece, landing in Crete and the Aegean Islands. 9.20.2009- Sea battles spread to the Medditerrainian as the Americans and Arabs try to control the sealanes and pave the way for landings in southern Europe. 4.7.2014- The fifth year anniversary of the Beckite Terror is marked by the capture of Cuiaba, Brazil. Yellowknife, Canada falls several hours after midnight, but is officially reported as being taken on the fourth. This marks the end of large-scale resistance in the Western Hemisphere. On the other hand, Beckite and allied forces have been completely driven out of Europe and are steadily losing ground in Africa and Asia. Hugo Chavez and several hundred other rebels are taken from their dungeons and publicly crucified. Glenn Beck makes a commemoration speech with his presidential guard and closest allies standing by. All of them are stripped to the waste, their bodies painted in the blood of their enemies. After the victims expire, Ted Nugent renders their bodies into jerky and passes strips out to the gathered crowd. Ritual cannibalism and use of entrails as bunting will go on to become a mainstay of major Beckite gatherings. 6.29.2014- Upon learning that several archbishops were planning on rising up against him, Glenn Beck decides to purge disloyal elements of the Catholic Church from his New Order. Realizing that this would greatly weaken his war effort, he opts for a simultaneous nuclear first strike against the European Union. 6.30.2014- America and Europe begin firing nuclear weapons at each other, as does China and Japan/Russia, as does India and Pakistan, as does Iran and Israel, as does Algeria and Nigeria. America has more nukes than the rest of the world combined, and has been doing much to disperse its population as widely across the hemisphere as possible. It turns out that Global Thermonuclear War can indeed have a winner: at the expense of half his population (and over a third of the world's), Glenn Beck arises from ashes as ruler of the non-radioactive portions of the world. 2.10.2144- a 180 year old Beck, already quite far removed from the species of his birth due to the many cybernetic enhancements that have kept him alive so long, creates an AI Entity to help manage his citizenry. The AI works even better than anticipated, assimilating the minds of every single human being, scouring non-Beckite thought processes and completely slaving them to the mind of the sysadmin. In an ultimate realization of the conservative dream, the government is made as small as any government could ever possibly be: with him as its one and only employee. The United States of America is changed to simply the United of America, as states and all other forms of administration have been made truly obsolete, and The Glenn Beck is dubbed the First and Final Dictator. Man and machine are one; the Singularity is come. 0.0.2208- The Beck, a descendent of the species once known as humanity, makes first contact with interstellar life and immediately goes to work assimilating it. The Glenn Beck thinks to itself/makes an announcement to the non-physically-connected portions of its body that it shall take the American Dream into the stars and to all the inhabited galaxies of the universe. No force is known to exist which could be strong enough to prevent it from doing so, and the denizens of space are forced to submit or flee. The Beckite Terror has expanded to a new and darker stage. |
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10:28 AM Jul 11