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Zar Citanul; Fluff for my Mortal Chaos Lord of Khorne
Topic Started: Dec 12 2004, 11:54 PM (1,119 Views)
Gurkhal
Master of the Eleven Foot Stick of Supreme Sticking
More Citanul, more!

Great story, lots of death and carnage, just the way Khorne like it.
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end of mankind
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Clanlord
nice again snyggejygge! it's nice that you didn't make it like Achilles' landing on the beach in the movie 'Troy' (have you seen it?) where he just kills everything in his path (yes, everything) without getting a scratch himself.
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rogge_85
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As good as the first part! Canīt wait until the next chapter!
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Whitethunder500
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Insane until further notice.
Neither can I, it'll hopefully be the best bit!
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snyggejygge
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High Zar of Khorne

Thanks guys, itīs comments like these that inspire me to write more!

end of mankind: Yes Iīve seen Troy (a couple of times) & well some things have to be a little like it, with both stories being about a battle on a shore.
But my story is based on a battle I played against Dark elves, using an exalted champion as a general, he was actually cut down by an assassin (never happened to me before) but my warriors killed the assassin in return & won the combat...
I think I included this in the story very well (& as a specialcharacter Zar Citanul is a lord & would therefore had an extra wound, meaning he wouldnīt be dead).
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rogge_85
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Hmm it took 11 days for part 2 to come up, so then part 3 should be posted around the 3:rd of January.
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Clanlord
yes, it sure is included very good!
but as part 3 is to tell the story of the rest of the campaign, and part two only handled one battle and it's aftermath, I think it will take longer to write part 3 ;)
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snyggejygge
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High Zar of Khorne

If you read at the end of chapter 2 youīll see that Iīve changed it, part 3 will be about the Alliance & part 4 will handle the rest of the campaign, but that doesnīt mean it will be up in 11 days for sure...
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end of mankind
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Clanlord
ok, sorry 'bout that little mistake..
I'll write that down and keep you to your word!
*grabs a piece of paper and notes: '3rd of january, zar citanul part 3 online.'*
:P
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snyggejygge
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High Zar of Khorne

Chapter 3, the alliance is done, look at the first post to read it. Itīs the longest chapter so far, but I assure you itīs worth the reading.

eom & Rogge: Iīm ahead of schedule! Must be the holidays...
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The Flying Beaver
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Clanlord
Really cool story! I couldn't pull away from the story because I simply had to keep reading! One comment though. Don't use &. Write out and rather than using & same with numbers. instead of 64, write sixty-four. It looks a lot better.
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end of mankind
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Clanlord
it was very well worth it indeed! but at first I thought that the chaos Karl was my Karl, it was quite confusing, but in the end I understood it all :D
veerry good story anyway, and it truly is very Khorne-like to fight even though it costs you your brother ;)
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snyggejygge
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High Zar of Khorne

iAmThEfLyInGbEaVeR
Dec 31 2004, 02:21 PM
Really cool story! I couldn't pull away from the story because I simply had to keep reading! One comment though. Don't use &. Write out and rather than using & same with numbers. instead of 64, write sixty-four. It looks a lot better.

As said before Iīm not really a writer, but Iīll remember this for chapter 4 & any other stories Iīll write, always good with some critisicm that will help me write better...
Changed it.

eom: Yes I thought about it later that it could be a little cnfusing, didnīt think of it when I started writing it tough....

& thx for the comments guys.
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Gurkhal
Master of the Eleven Foot Stick of Supreme Sticking
Really great snyggejygge, even better than the ones before it!.
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Whitethunder500
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Insane until further notice.
Fantastisch, toll, super, as the germans say!
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