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Am I a bad boyfreind??
Topic Started: Aug 16 2011, 07:02 AM (599 Views)
Nor
The Chosen
First I would like to say this topic has absolutely NOTHING to do with WoC or WF in any way..

I just had a huge fight with my girlfreind.

The thing is.. Im a chef, wich means I work from 12-12. 4 days a week. that leaves me with 3 days off, and 2 of them is tyoically wednsday-thursday, and the last day sunday (I work allmost every friday and saturday)
So, my girlfreind just told me that she had planned the next 4 sunday for us. 1 with her really really boring parents and oncel, next her nephews 1 year birthday, 3 having her brother and sister at our place, and last but not least, 4, her freinds 30 yers birthday, I have met the lady once! and dont know her or anyone ellse..
so, am I a bad boyfreind when I say I dont have the time or will to go to all of theese things?.. she thinks so..
What do you guys say??

Please help me..

And sorry for the post, I didnt know where ellse to turn :)

Cheers
Nor
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Tabernacle of Priapus
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The Chosen
i went to culinary school... i know what you're going through work wise.

question 1) when do you get your time? as much as you love her, where is the time for you to unwind, to leave not only the hassles of work but of your life. to sit on the dock of the bay without anything you HAVE to do. everyone needs some alone time. when is yours?

question 2) when do you see your friends? when do you play Warhammer? when do you get to do what you want to do? your interests are just as important in your relationship as her are;not more important, not less important. equal.


narrow down of these events, or at best the 1 year old's party is not gonna be an all day event (unless the parents are some of THOSE PEOPLE who plan a whole day of childish fun around an event that the child will not even remember), so plan for some you time before/after, depending on the start time.

relationships = compromise, not commands.
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mrtn
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Swashbuckling Moderator

This has nothing to do with chaos warriors... :huh:

Off to the Off Topic forum it goes. *thread moved*

On topic you don't have to spend your next four Sundays with her friends and family, but you could probably have been a bit more diplomatic.
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confused
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Warrior of the Chamber
She probably just wants to show you off to her friends and family whilst spending time together. Thats understandable (make sure she knows you appreciate this sentiment is reasonable). However, she has taken up a month of Sundays to do stuff with her circles. Obviously as a couple it is nice to do things together, but sometimes it should be with your side instead. Doing social stuff together needs to swing both ways.

Likewise it is good to spend a portion free time as an individual ("distance makes the heart grow fonder"). The other thing I'll say is your time spent together doing 'family/friends' stuff should be less mechanical. Whilst having structure in one's life is good, allowing Sunday to become 'lets see family' day will mean you'll never be able to do other stuff with that time (again going back to the need for personal time and other issues) and your weeks may feel like they lack sponteneity. I like my free time to feel flexible or it doesn't feel 'free'.


Note I am the last person to be taking relationship advice from. I hope my thoughts have helped!
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theorox
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Clanlord
The family stuff seems pretty important, but the woman you don't know...well, you shouldn't HAVE to go to her birthday, but maybe you should come along with your girlfriend as a courtesy to her and her friend, you know? But it's a bit cheeky booking the sundays for 4 consecutive weeks, I agree.

Theo
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krusty
Slave
[ * ]
trust me i know the situation.i work in severely understaffed 5 star hotel in most visited area in Ireland with famous owners so trust me know your pain (have had 5 days off in past month plus minimum 10 hours per day hours and my girlfriend is a techer who is off from end of june to start of september). best bet is to pre empt some of the bookings she can make y saying you have your own plans. I dont mean saying your spending them with your friends but saying you want to relax,do something involving just the 2 of you etc etc. Its not an unresonable request to make and if she still wants to play like that you make the plans for the next month on sundays.Im not trying to case frictio between the 2 of you but thats what my girlfriend did to me for a while and after I made the plans she agreed to a discussion before makiing most plans that involve both of us on my rare time off.Admitedly I did end up going to things like ladies day at the horse races, Family barbecue and cousins confirmation party on short notice but she had to go to things she didnt want to. Ps we have been together 5 and a half years and are currently buying a house so its not a short term thing where im trying to tell you to copy to get you into trouble for the fun of it
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Tenderleaf
Slave
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the rule is simple:

you don't agree with your girlfriend? you're a bad boyfriend. you're a bad boyfriend? no sex.

it's why I stay single, and just pick up chicks in bars now and again.
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JaBol On
Warrior of the Chamber
In my relationship we have agreed on having 2 saturdays in each month of leave (I work typically 3-6 months then of ~2 months) where we do not have to do things together. Most of the time we end up WANTING to do things together!

But sometime I just like to visit my brother and go to a pub or she likes to go shopping with her friends or doing babythings (things with babies, not childish things)!

To answer your question IMO you are a decent boyfriend who just have the need to have a little say about your sparetime!

ps: Flowers work like a necromancers charm!
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Wicked Dwarf
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Slave
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Just to get my opinion out here. Nor, as what you wrote here, you are definitely not a bad boyfriend. Like "mrtn" said (as I read it from your post), you could have brought it better, more explaining, but I wasn't there, so don't take this too hard. =P

I agree with "Tabernacle of Priapus" and "JaBol On". Your girlfriend is being a real woman and apparently we, guys, have to get use to it. But, that doesn't mean that we should take everything they throw at us. As I heard from a friend, who is a chef himself, working in a restaurant is a real hard thing to do, offering a lot of spare time. Your girl should consider that as well and understand you do need some time for yourself. Four sundays (in a row?) is a lot, where apparently all your time has been filled up. A baby-party might not be a whole day event, but from experience I know, it can still take a lot of time and if you have other things to do, then there is no more time for yourself.

Anyway, keep this in mind relationships = compromise, not commands ("Tabernacle of Priapus"). She has four options, you choose two. Two days for what she wants and two days to rewind. That is how I would bring it (with a longer story off course, apparently it doesn't work with females to have a short conversation). Anyway, I hope it will all work out fine!
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