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| Stace4Jesus | Jan 7 2007, 12:02 AM |
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The Cat's New Year Resolutions > My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am > at peace with that. > > I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium > > I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come > home and throw them up so the humans can see that I'm > getting plenty of roughage. > > I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, > and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It > took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.) > > I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night > snacks. > > We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding > Across the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed > while they're trying to sleep. > > I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. > If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall > behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the > same thing again. > > I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside > to chase leaves. > > I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there > is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch > when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out > of my fur. > > If I bite the cactus, it will bite back. > > When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. > It is not necessary to check every door. > > I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are > trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of > these days, it will really come true. > > When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and > attempt to catch them. > > I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on > the family room floor trying to do sit ups. > > When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are > *not* a hammock. > > Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely > tail. > > I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no > reason after my human has watched a horror movie. > > I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the > hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched the > X-Files. > > I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then > yell at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my > "kill." > > I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the > night and stare until they wake up. > > I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing > important adagfsg gdjag ;ln. > > If I must claw my human I will l not do it in such a way > that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt. > > If I must give a present to my human guests, my toy mouse is > much more socially acceptable than a big live bug, even if > it isn't as tasty. > __._,_.___ |
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| The Cat's New Year Resolutions · Humor | |
Eagleway
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