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HEARE YE HEARE YE; By Bill
Topic Started: Mar 4 2005, 06:12 AM (232 Views)
Bill and Joan
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This is a little something that I wrote way be when we had 3 to 5 young girls living with us (4 of our own and there was always another girl [friend of one of our girls] living with us.

Anyway I wrote this, and I think you might get a chuckle or even a laugh from reading it.


HEARE YE HEARE YE

Let All who seeketh sanctuary within this Realm stepeth hinder to readeth and taketh to nucleus this most consummate manifesto emanating forth and registered by:

THE MOST MAGNANIMOUS, GRACIOUS, EXQUISITE, PREEMINENT LORD {and her husbandkind, valet, foot warmer, and consort} DO PROCLAIM AND ENSCONCE THE FOLLOWING EDICTS, STIPULATIONS, AND BEHESTS pursuant to domesticity within this QUEENDOM !!


INGREDIENT of EDICT:

I The overlord and her husband is THE AUTHORITY. We are not;
maid, nursemaid, butler, or domestic stewards of any flavor or
variety to anyone. ANYONE is a name/title that interjects but is
not circumscribed to ALL of the pubescent genesis living or semi
living on or about this habitation.

II Referring to Article I: as such the sage has been designated
and is known to all coalitions whom are at this reading. Being
that the MAESTRO is known there is no and I repeat NO
vindication for not acquiescing the lawful or even unlawful
mandate/dictate of the educator. Failure to submit will
result in swift and merciless castigation.

III Being as how it is well ensconced that indubitable humanoid
animation patterns established within this domain are very
arduous of wit, advantageous of hearing, and oblivious to all
patterns of domestic MESS, the executives {DIRECTOR and
mate} do concur upon the ensuing:

A. We do not care upon whom the indigenous accountability
of the vessel has transpired. They will all be completed,
ie. Bathed, dehydrated, and put away into their precise
locality by the appointed hour unto which the offspring
humanoids have been allocated to be in their
slumbering shelters.

B. We do not solicit from whom or where an indigenous
quandary has emanated. It will be the culpability of every
humanoid plebian to cull up, immaculate up, and in
ecumenical reinstate all disarray to where it conceived
from.

IV The kitchen is exploited as a berth of engaging in the virtuosity
of sustenance partaking and is also used as the locality of
qualifications in the grandiose and resplendent vocation of dish
laundering. As such, for you to rehearse in this most
praiseworthy of crafts, requires that there be dishes in the
kitchen. Ergo and hence with it will be compulsory that all
dishes be reverted to the said kitchen. Dishes are to be
returned on the coinciding day that they were extracted from
said kitchen. Anyone or should I say anything that is caught
reverting dishes, chalices, tureens, silverware, or any
other object of kitchen utensil, tardily or germinating any form
of unknown who discerns what, will posthastely be endowed with
the dish laundering obligation and will furthermore be
discontinued from the entitlement of removing articles from the
kitchen sphere.

V Ashtrays are not deemed part of the typical embellishment of
our abode of domicile. As such; we can no longer condone
finding these creations of post impressionistic virtuosity laying
about the household in myriad states of suffused or
unconfused. Thusly and henceforth any ashtrays left about will
be rightly deleted upon the individual or homo sapiens being
accountable, causing the prodigious consternation, constraining
them to tidy up the muddle, and will also correlate into the
forfeiture of unspecified entitlements.

VI Be it known to all personages that the LORD and MENTOR does
not and I repeat does not render laundry assistance nor does
this Queendom dispense laundry cache expanse. Thusly and
truly will all persons do their individual laundry and then extract
said laundry posthaste to their own corporeal existing expanse.

VII Any and all intimate living cosmos judged incapable of
promoting mortal vicissitudes or deemed a menace to human
life and appendage, will be immediately censured and the
personage endeavoring to prevail in said expanse will have all
entitlements discontinued until said existence space is afresh
deemed survivable.

VIII To thwart the inundation and thus permeation of the minuscule
retention competence possessed and operated by the
humanoid life shapes embraced within this facility, thusly and
indubitably will it be stated: “THE SOVEREIGN AND OVERLORD”
is the irrevocable utterance of edict within this domicile.


On this the first day of whatever in the year whatever of our Lord

Thusly this papyrus is duly signed and sealed by Queen Joan


:bang
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Barb
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Very diplomatic! What language is that again???

Oh and one more question...how DID the royal subjects respond? I am curious to know whether the Court has had occasion to cause her royal subjects to be made witness of the inevitable and most certainly, on occasion, unavoidable demonstration of Her soverignty with the display of the "rolling of the heads" deterrant to their insubordination and rebellion to the Court and Her authority?

I do beleive that this example is ever so valuable to the surrounding kingdoms and suggest that the Queen offer her wisdom during a Tea wherewith the most noble and dignified heads of the surrounding kingdoms would be so welcomed and enlightened of Her immense and most useful wisdom. In doing so I am quite certain she will gain allies amongst her neighboring kingdoms and the growing 'secret' rebellion amongst the peasants may be thwarted prior to it's erruption against the various kingdoms.

Carry on Queen Joan and King Bill, good and faithful servants of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. For yours is the most noblest of all deeds as you prepare the way of the coming of the Lord.

BLessings!
Barb
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Bill and Joan
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Hi Barb,

I liked you response. Thanks! It was King Bill who wrote the decree and a timely one indeed! I was just telling Stacie, via email, that we are painting our bedroom (which it is going to need another coat. :( Was hoping it wasn't) and a lot of things were moved out of the room. While going through some stuff I found this decree that Billy had written years ago. Believe me, I wouldn't have known how to put it so elegantly. My response is more, "I'm the mother, that's why!", so you get the picture. I just laughed and laughed as I read the wisdom and joviality that my Honey put down on paper. He thought ya all might get a kick out of it as well, thus the posting.

We pray all is well with you and yours. Hey, even if I didn't write it, I sure like the idea of the tea party. I'll serve and my husband can present!

Love ya,
Joan
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Stace4Jesus
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:lol:

This is good.
Really good.


:woopi
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Bill and Joan
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Ah, sweet Barb, ye wishes to knoweth what language I be writing the decree in.

Well I tells ya, it was parteth the English, parteth ye olden style English, and parteth frustrated father.

And NO the object humanoids that the decree was written fer did not take it well. At the very least they proved VIII to be correct.

Bill
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