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Here's a discussion opportunity; Broken Relationships
Topic Started: Jul 26 2005, 04:26 PM (178 Views)
Barb
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Hey family!

Hope you are all staying cool in these 'dog days' :lol:

I have a question to share and hope to get some valuable response from. It is one that I encounter a lot while counseling others who have been injured and to be honest I just don't have a good answer sometimes.

What do you do if you experience a broken relationship. Not a boyfriend/girlfriend type thing. More like a marriage, long term friendship, ministry relationship etc and you want to see it not only reconciled but fully restored?

What do you do if you have asked for forgiveness and have not been received?

Do you just walk away and give up or do you stand in faith speaking His truth and Word into the situation?

Do you listen to those that say it is not His will, that time is over or what?

I'd like to get some real discussion going here and see what God has to say. I think we can all benefit from it as we search the truth and share what we find.

Happy hunting! :)

Barb



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WaitingforJesus
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Hey,

Whew! what a question and one I would love to have a "black and white" answer to.
But it is a common one and the only thing I know is that each heart is different and He is able to see beyond one's heart and words that are spoken.
As far as offering apologies and forgivness not being granted. Well that one has done all they can in God's eyes and they can just only allow the Lord to soften the heart of the unforgiving one. It may take a week or even years but God is pretty resourceful and has alot of way to get something to us LOL :P

If one feels that the Lord wants that relationship restored then they by all means continue to stand in faith believing and open to Him for His will to be made manifest in the situation. And allow the Lord do what He needs to in both hearts involved.

Do I think that every situation is to be restored. I don't think so. David respected Saul's position and gave him the respect due him but that doesn't mean he went to afternoon tea with him every afternoon. Some relationships were not divinely appointed and may bring hardships in the long run, and a seperation in friendship would be the only way that each can grow. The Lord does not desire revenge retaliation of any sort nor does he want us walk in unforgivness. But how can two walk together unless they be agreed? Sometimes disagreements come but we can bless the other and allow them to walk the path they feel the Lord has given them to walk.

I can only give my understanding and desire to continue to grow in learning and understanding with others. Oh how life would be so easy if there was only us to contend with but then again life would be awfully dull without wonderful friends to share our lives with.

Blessings,
Kay
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Bill and Joan
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Hi Barb and Kay,

Wonderful answer Kay! I know I couldn't have said it better and have been praying over it since I first read Barb's post. I know I have been struggling with what we are supposed to be doing in regards to the people at Bible Rock and while the situation is a little different, there is still a knowing that there are some areas where we are not "like minded" and to try and persue a relationship with them might be more harmful than beneficial. In my heart of hearts I know the Lord is going to bring us together one day, whether it is to serve side by side or rejoicing together in the presence of our Lord I do not know. I do know that the times, seasons and purposes are in God's hands and I need to trust that. Sometimes that need to "keep the relationship going" comes from the flesh and not from the spirit. I liked your analogy of David and Saul. There was a time that David knew he needed to retreat from Saul's presence for his own protection and, Barb, this might be what is taking place right now with you and another party or me and Billy in regards to those in leadership at Bible Rock.

We continue to pray for them knowing that the Lord loves them just as much as He loves us and heavenly knows we don't deserve His love! So we are all in the same place, undeserving of His love, His mercy and His grace. Yet He gave it to us just the same. And we are to give it to others. Not everyone will receive it, such is the case of great weeping and intercession - but it cannot be forced upon anyone just as we are not to force ourselves upon anyone. We must allow God to work and we must do our part in intercession and then, in faith, wait for things to happen however He chooses to make them happen. Amen?

Again, Kay, wonderful answer. I agree with it 100%.

Thankful to be in His love,
Joan
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Stace4Jesus
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:wave

Me too.. I agree fully.



shalom
stacie :woopi
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Barb
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Thanks for your responses! They are all great!

I want to share with you what I have been learning about division. This is a current revelation and I will share what I can.

One thing we err in is second guessing God. What He says is true whether we like it or not. I will step out and say for the most part we don't like it and that is the crux/root of our error and the very foundation of division.

Kay, you said you would like to have a black/white answer to this and I say we do.
It is His Word. The reason we don't see it as such is because we don't want to. It is easier for us to say it is not His will than for us to say it is His will. It is easier to walk away from things than to stand in belief for them. It is easier to push people aside than to deal with the issues at hand.

I tell you that it is not His will that any of us be divided from one another. It is not His purpose to bring souls together only ot have them torn apart in disagreement.

Trouble is it is hard to live and walk in His will if others will not or can not.
I have heard many arguments and excsues as to why there is division among us within the body. For the most part that is just what it all is; smoke and mirrors, fig leaves and false righteousness all given the title His Will. It is mans way of placing fault and blame on everyone and thing except themselves. It is a natural/carnal reaction and defense posture men move into and is most definately a deception.

Adam was the first to be decieved in this manner. When Eve ate and God asked Adam why; Adam pointed his finger right at Eve. He tried to duck out of taking responsibilty for his role in the fall. He blamed it on Eve. That is what we all still do today. When things happen we immediatly justify ourselves and yes we can even find scripture to back us up and we find fault in others. We duck awsy from owning any part of the issue. We play the marter,the injured, the helpless etc we do everything except stand up and say "It was my fault, I take full responsibilty for it all"

I tell you guys, this is exactly what Jesus did for us! He stood up, knowing he was innocent, and He said I take full responsibilty for it all. If we are to be as He how can we continue to do otherwise?

We can continue on saying well it was not His will for this to be or continue on and we can justify ourselves and actions. But the truth still stands, that there should be NO DIVISION in the body. It is too much to put here but I direct you to the passage in 1 Corinthians 12:12-26. I also direct you to Ps 133:1, Eph 4:3, and Eph 4:13. All speaking to us of unity.

I tell you, it is not God's plan to have division among the brethern. Division is a manifestation of sin. The first place we need to look for this sin in within ourselves, in our own heart of hearts, not at anothers, like Adam did. We must begin to realize that we play a part in every deception and division and we have a responsibilty to own that part. We must repent from our sin and do as He says to do. We must stop making excuses for our part in the deception/division, accept that we were played by the enemy, accept what we did or did not do. We must come to realize our sin and then release it to God. Aknowledge the sin, seek forgiveness from God, forgive those involved and repent, walk through the repentance, turn away from evil and seek His truth. No matter what.

Now I will say that this does not mean that the division will be healed and all things will be restored among those involved. But I will say that as far as you are concerned, you will be released from the prison and bondage of offense. The wall you built in this issue will crumble down and perhaps take even more with it freeing you to love as He does.

One thing we must also keep in mind is this. When there is division everyone involved enters into prison of their own making. Unless all involved come to terms with the issues they will not be free. As one overcomes his sin and is released aother is set free to a degree and soon a cascade effect occurs and 'suddenly' the walls fall down and total,complete, and absolute reconciliation is made manifest and from there come the restoration. One stone at a time.

A lesson from Nehemiah as the walls of Jerusalem were rebuilt is this. The people worked together to rebuild and repair the walls. Some built while others protected there was unity amongt the workmen in a common cause of restoration. If you know about stone walls you know that when there is a need for repair often times you must mkae the tear gap greater in order to fit the stones in and tie them together for strength. Likewise as we seek to repair the breaches in our lives that have occured through broken relationships and divsions we must first tear down the walls we have built to protect us. We must understand that He is our shield nd protector and that we have no need to build our own fortress. He is and must be our fortress.

Yes I can see where we would say that we have done all we can and we cannot change another's heart. This is absolutly true, but we can release those hearts and make manifest His love towards them, forgiving and blessing them on every occasion, seeking His best always for them. He will do the rest.

So many of His lessons are flowing into my understanding of this I cannot type fast enough. So I will end with this for now.

If we are to be as He is, then we must revisit our own hearts often and search them for areas of offense. If we have experienced broken relationships/friendships, injuries both spiritual, emotional and physical etc we must come to terms with them. We must take responsibilty for our part, own it, repent and seek forgiveness for our failure to trust God and then we must 'do' as He instructs us to do.



Oh my....I have so much more.....

Be blessed!
Barb




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WaitingforJesus
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Hello again everyone...

Thanks to each of you for sharing. And Barb, I agree with you 100%
The Lord doesn't want His children fighting amongst one another just as we don't want our children fighting with one another.
Yes but sadly it happens. Selfishness, pride you name are the main culprits that "Fuel the fire"
May we all continue to allow Him to mold our hearts and walk with Him and see people through His eyes!

Blessings,
Kay
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Stace4Jesus
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:wave

I think there is a lot of good stuff in these posts. I think there is alot of God's wisdom in it all.

I also think that there are areas of guilt that we have to allow ourselves to be released from. When a person chooses to follow Christ Jesus as his/her savior and the family disowns them, like in the Muslim communities, there comes to them waves of guilt. Even in the face of the truth, in knowing that they have made the right decision, they still feel the hurt and pain of the broken relationship.

I agree the Lord wants to restore the relationship, but as scripture reveals, there are coming days, and as in the past, where children will turn on their parents, daughters against mothers.. ect. These relationships take great wisdom. We are commanded always to walk in agape love, but sometimes that does not mean we can return into a physical relationship as we knew it before. Also, sometimes the imagery of what it 'used to be like' can so over-ride the a true vision of the Lord's restoration that it can actually be hindered from being achieved.

Sometimes, I think we have to just walk away. This is not always the easiest path. But, when the relationship is destroyed because of faith issues, denominational differences, or even to the extremes of following different gods (Christ Jesus, Lord of Lords, vs budda in a family), I believe we have to hand it to God and walk on with Him. We join in agreement with Him and pray for unity.. but a unity with Him for all involved first, and then within each other.

And in addition to these short term relationships while on earth, we can remember that we are but in a 'drop of the time' that we will spend in our eternal lives. Sometimes, relationships are not restored while both members are on earth and it will be at the gates of Heaven where the restoration will be completed. I am sure that many have received great hope with this understanding, breaking the bonds of guilt and feeling of failure.


Good posting ya'll


Shalom
stacie :woopi


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