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When Trust Is Established; Ref: Francis Frangipane
Topic Started: Feb 23 2008, 07:22 PM (302 Views)
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When Trust is Established
By Francis Frangipane

The Problem With Anger
Unresolved anger can consume a soul; it can become a literal hell not only
for the embittered person, but for those who live with them as well. Thus,
Jesus strongly warned of anger's terrible impact. He said,

"The ancients were told, 'You shall not commit murder' and 'Whoever commits
murder shall be liable to the court.' But I say to you that everyone who is
angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever shall
say to his brother, 'Raca,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and
whoever shall say, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery
hell" (Matt. 5:21-22).

Anger is a systemic poison: it affects every area of our existence. Not only
can it destroy one's life on earth, it can make us "guilty enough to go into
the fiery hell." Who among us has not known the wrestling in our minds over
an offense? Who has never felt the unrelenting churning of wounded emotions
or the self-destructive tension generated by anger?

For some, anger abides brooding, yet hidden, beneath a polite veneer. Like a
vicious dog waiting behind the door of a nice home, so inner rage attacks
without warning when anyone gets too close. Yet, as awful as anger is, the
embittered person often feels anger is warranted in light of the threat of
an offense. The worse evil, however, is the spirit of deception that
justifies the angry soul, that presumes the anger of man is actually
attaining the righteousness of God, thus imprisoning the embittered soul,
isolating it from true repentance.

Jesus warns that unresolved anger is very grave. It threatens to drive the
soul into hell; it is physically depleting, and the person carrying anger
feels justified. According to Jesus, the angry person has, within his heart,
committed a sin equal to murder. Anger is a very serious offense indeed.

Reconciliation Is More Important Than Ritual
If you know someone who is carrying unresolved anger toward you or someone
else, Jesus tells us we are not to simply ignore their condition. In fact,
He plainly tells us He expects us to do something about it. Remarkably, just
after warning about anger's hellish consequences, in the very next verse He
says,

"If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there
remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering
there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your
brother, and then come and present your offering" (v.23).

Jesus requires us to actually leave our offering, exit the "church service,"
and do what we can to reconcile with our offended brother. To the Son of
God, reconciliation is more important than fulfilling our religious service.

The Lord knows that if we do not engage in some process toward healing, our
offended brother will transfer his anger to others. Hebrews 12:14,15 says,
"Pursue peace with all men . . . See to it that no one comes short of the
grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by
it many be defiled." One angry person not only jeopardizes their own soul,
but their root of bitterness can spread and "many be defiled."

Thus, when the church becomes a place of anger instead of redemption, it is
not a little thing to the Lord. Indeed, Scripture says the final result is
"many [are] defiled." Unresolved anger is actually a primary tool which
Satan uses to break down marriages, destroy families, splinter churches and
divide cultures within a community.

The Lord calls His church to reverse the curse of injustice and anger upon
our society. We are heaven's agents of transformation and reconciliation. In
fact, the Lord calls us not only to go to the one who, for whatever reason,
may be offended by us, but He desires we actually become ministers of
reconciliation who inspire others to bring healing to every strata of human
relationships.

Wounded In Pursuit Of Oneness
When I speak of healing the riff between people, I realize there are some
people who are habitually offended. No matter what we do, they are
irreconcilable. Perhaps, in time, they will be more open. Still, the Lord
commands us, "So far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men" (Rom
12:18). Hebrews calls us to "pursue peace with all men" (Heb.12:14).
According to Jesus Christ, if we remember someone has something against us,
we are to actually leave our offering at the altar and go be reconciled with
our brother (Matt. 5:24).

Our inter-personal relationships are a primary concern to the Lord.
Remember, the issue is not limited to whether you have something against
someone, but whether they have something against you. You may be completely
innocent. The offended person may actually be the guilty party. But the Lord
calls us to care about relationships. Indeed, it is amazing how often a
simple phone call, an act of love or a gentle answer can soften the heart of
an offended person.

The Bible says, "pursue peace with all men." "Pursue" means we aggressively
take the initiative to make things right. It means we act on behalf of
heaven rather than allow another's anger to serve the purpose of hell.

However, we must be realistic. When we reach out to a deeply offended
person, they will likely be repulsed by our first efforts. Scripture tells
us, "A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and
contentions are like the bars of a castle" (Prov. 18:19). If a person has
been hurt, they will need trust to be restored and this process of
initiating trust can actually be painful to both parties. A wounded person
may lash out. You may feel like the process of restoring the offended person
is simply too great a price to pay.

Let me share an insight I recently received from the Lord about the basic
nature of relationships and reconciliation. My wife and I were bird-sitting
our oldest daughter's pet conure. A conure is about half the size of a
parrot with similar coloring. However, this creature was hostile. Each time
I'd touch the cage, it would squawk and try to bite me. After several
initiatives at being nice, I concluded, "Who needs this? If I'm going to be
attacked, I can be attacked at church." I made a silent evaluation that we
had been given a "killer conure." Obviously, I concluded, this bird came
from the wrong side of the tracks.

My wife, however, decided she was going to love this bird. Even though it
was just as aggressive toward her as it was with me, my wife relentlessly
kept loving the bird. Each time she fed it by hand, the bird attacked,
taking chunks of skin with each bite. Denise would yell in pain, then
instantly return to talking softly, reaching into the cage with food. After
a week, the bird finally began to relax. Her survival instincts, based on my
wife's gentle response to being attacked, convinced the bird that Denise was
not a predator, but a friend. Soon, it permitted Denise to reach into its
cage without attacking her; a couple more days and I discovered this
aggressive little finger-eater perched lovingly upon my wife's shoulder, its
little round head snuggled warmly against her neck, cooing in her ear.

Denise won the heart of this little bird: it loved, because she first loved
it. You see, the problem with the bird was not aggression, but fear. My wife
allowed herself to be wounded so that trust could be established; when
wounded, she did not retaliate, and she won its trust. As I watched this
little drama unfold, I saw something basic, yet profound, concerning God's
relationship with us. Trust is not an accident; it is the result of love
that pays a price.

Isn't this the way of the Lord with our own hearts? He came to us, yet we
wounded Him. We crucified God's Son. Yet instead of retaliating, Jesus
forgave us. He proved over and over again that His love was safe, that He is
not our enemy. We expect judgment but receive mercy; we sin, yet He works to
restore us to Himself. It is His kindness, the Scriptures say, that lead us
to repentance (Rom.2:4). He repeatedly shows Himself trustworthy, merciful
and loving, knowing that, in time, we will come to rest in His goodness. And
as we do, we let Him reach into our cage; we climb upon His hand, and He
carries us on His shoulder.

I recognized that this attitude, which I saw in my wife, was actually the
Lord's heart. As He has been to us, so He wants us to be toward others, even
those who are hostile and alienated from us. Trust must be established
before love can heal. We must be willing to let ourselves be wounded, even
repeatedly if necessary, in pursuit of healing relationships. We must prove,
not just in word, but in deed, that we are trustworthy. Whether we face
divisions in families, churches or between races, only when trust is
established, can healing begin.

The Ministries of Francis Frangipane - Message of the Week
<http://frangipane.org>
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Stace
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I do so wish that all broken relationships could be totally restored, or even some of the restored to at least a 'agree to disagree' status, but it is not always the case. The article above speaks so much truth. It is good words.

And if you come to one of those places where you can not restore.. trust the Lord with the issue and go on. He's got your back.


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